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Hobbies Aren't Businesses (for financial reasons)

Summary:

Kaleb's trying to make sure MG is okay because, you know, Lizzie broke up with him. He ends up watching a movie at the Old Mill as he waits for him to return from his date with a certain townie. Featuring a questioning Lizzie and a sugar high trio of goofballs.

Notes:

This fills the break up square for my multifandom bingo. It's a bit all over the place, but I hope you enjoy.

Mizzie breakup ft. methan and all around aro vibes

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Lizzie breezed into the room with her usual sense of purpose only to flop down on MG’s bed and declare to an uninterested Kaleb, “I can’t do this anymore.” Sure, he had vamp-hearing, but he was also not paying attention- it took him a moment to rewind and recall what Lizzie said.

“You can stop with the coughing fit Lizzie,” he wasn’t impressed. Saltzman spit all over his nice clean bedroom floor no thanks. Lizzie’s eyes drilled holes into the side of his head. They heard Jed plug in a vacuum above them. His eyes flicked to the ceiling and then back to Lizzie. “So, can you get that or?”

“Sonus obstrucio,” she muttered not even raising her hand to the ceiling. He squinted.

“So do witches actually need to wave their hands to do magic or…”

“Shut up Kaleb.”

“Hey, you were the one who wanted to talk to me.” He put his hands up, rolling away in MG’s wheely chair. Lizzie sucked her upper lip into her mouth.

“Right. That. Yes.”

“I’m on an animal blood diet- I can’t read your mind from here,” he said. Lizzie was not amused- you would’ve thought her tongue was glued to the roof of her mouth with the way the words came out. Of course, the pillow further muffling her didn’t help much either.

“Again, Lizzie, animal bloo-,”

“I need to break up with MG,” she finally spat it out.

“Nope, nuh uh, no way in hell am I helping you break my boy’s heart like that.” Kaleb went back to his video game, the back of the chair facing Lizzie.

“What happened to bro code?” Lizzie whined, mostly to herself, but Kaleb did her the kindness of answering because he was a benevolent man.

“He’s my family, and if you’re planning on doing him dirty like that, I suggest you get off his bed.”

“Well, he’s my family too, and it is not comfy trying to sex your brother,” Lizzie huffed. The bottoms of her converse skimmed the floor as she found herself sliding away.

“That seems like a you problem,” Kaleb sang. Honest to earth sang, and it was good too because he probably had the best voice in the school. Lizzie wished she could talk to MG about this except she couldn’t, so she’d come to the next best thing. But Kaleb was right because she should’ve known better- she was a big girl, a reformed Lizzie, and playing with people’s feelings wasn’t cool. But she was bored and he was cute sort of and she was curious and she banged her head on the bed because she was supposed to be better than this.

This is what happened when she made decisions without going through a thorough and Josie-approved pros and cons list.

“I’m a terrible person,” she groaned. She reached the floor with a thud and was now sitting on her knees in the most pathetic display of pathetic-ness in the history of ever. Kaleb didn’t argue with the declaration which fair. It’s just- she’d come to him because…

“It’s not about MG,” she whispered more to the bed than anything, “I just don’t want to date or do romance-y stuff or whatever.” Kaleb turned the volume down slightly.

“And this is news?” which had Lizzie on her feet in a flash of indignant passion.

“Uh, yes. Hello, queen of romance and relationships here. I plan every single party or dance at this school. I know everything about everyone’s love lives!” Her hands were spread out by her sides the way a peacock might fan its feathers, not that Kaleb could see- just because he was listening didn’t mean he was going to put aside a high score for Lizzie twice in one day, especially not after she’d confessed to messing with MG’s head, again.

“You also criticize the hell out of it,” he pointed out which was true, but who wouldn’t- come on they were talking about high schoolers here. What part of high school romance wasn’t a giant cringe-fest? “Look Liz, if you need to do some soul-searching that’s fine, I will hate you just the same no matter what, but I can’t help you with any of that right now without betraying MG.”

Lizzie paused at the door. “Thanks Kaleb,” she said. She shut the door behind her, somewhat reassured by his closing statement.

 

-

 

“-I’m just not sure how I feel about the whole romance and dating thing right now, and you’re more of a brother to me really or at least a person towards whom I possess no sexual feelings? I’m sorry for basically using you, again- I promise this isn’t about Ethan or anything else. It really is just me not exactly sure of what my sexuality is exactly. I know it’ll be a while before you’ll forgive me- if you’ll forgive me, so I just wanted to add that I’m sorry, and I’ll really miss my best friend,” Lizzie finished. Her hands were clasped firmly behind her; she glanced up, daring to see how MG was reacting.

“Oh, okay then,” he finally said, “so I’m just gonna go then.” He weaved around Lizzie pointing awkwardly down the hall with his thumb until she realized that she was blocking his exit and jumped to the side like she’d been burned.

“Yup, yeah, uh good luck on your date,” she called after him. He didn’t bother with another fake grin though, and for that, she was glad. She took a deep breathe and let herself fall back against the wall for a moment to soak up what an awful person she was.

That done, she set out to find Landon because the hobbit was probably the nicest person, she had had the misfortune of meeting as well as the only one who wouldn’t judge her. He also happened to know a lot about sexualities and what not. That aside a Star Wars marathon would be nice.

 

-

 

“Hot date?” Kaleb ambushed him in the common room, right as he was about to reach the door.

“Um yeah, actually.” He fiddled with his bowtie. Was it too much? Did it clash with his shirt? Was wearing a blue horse-print button-up even something he should be doing? To a date or ever?

“With who,” Kaleb’s eyes narrowed. He crunched on a dorito. MG grimaced and tried to brush off the dorito-dust that had landed on his bow-tie to no avail.

“Ethan,” he replied. Kaleb paused in his munching.

“Didn’t Lizzie just break up with you? She broke up with you right.”

“Yes.” MG tapped his foot on the hardwood and checked his watch that definitely didn’t actually belong to Kaleb. He needed to get this interrogation over with and fast if he was going to make it.

“And you’re not wallowing in your sorrow?” Kaleb’s hands moved in the Hawkins-patented gesture incredulity.

“It great to know that you have such faith in me,” he deadpanned and stole a dorito. And then regretted it because know his hands were all dorito-y. He wasn’t that pathetic though seriously.

“Your date?” Kaleb circled back, reminded by the withering look MG was shooting at his own hand. He tried to step aside and escape, but Kaleb blocked him.

“You know I am faster than you,” he threatened. He tried to woosh past him again. Kaleb beat him to the door.

“Come on man, nothing happens here- nothing,” Kaleb complained in what MG knew to be a flat out lie.

“Fine. I’m going to the movies with Ethan. Now can I go?” He wanted desperately to look at his-Kaleb’s-watch, but he didn’t want to draw anymore attention to it and risk getting into that right now.

“Are you okay?” Kaleb asked after he’d tapped out ‘Happy Birthday’ twice. “Be honest.” He fixed his eyes on his shoes and sighed.

“I- I feel fine right now, but I think I might still be in shock a little. I was also, kind of, expecting this?” he muttered, “I’m kinda trying not to think about it right now though because I have a date in five minutes,” he ground out the last bit, emphasizing the situation. Kaleb stepped aside after an eternity in fly time.

“Go get him!” Kaleb clapped him on the back hard before disappearing back into the Boarding House. MG took a moment to clear his throat and catch his breath from Kaleb’s goodbye and the Kaleb-induced anxiety.

 

-

 

Kaleb headed out for a walk because he had nothing better to do while he waited for MG to get back from his date. He expected it to be a quiet night seeing as there were no parties planned and it wasn’t anywhere near full moon. Yet, he passed by the Old Mill to find it- not a looming dark figure but one lit up by a projector playing the end credits of some Star Wars movie on the canvas Landon had set up when Rafael was stuck as a werewolf. And sitting on the steps he discovered a hysterical trio- one made up of Landon, Lizzie, and Alyssa Chang of all people.

At first, he attributed the ferocious giggling to alcohol, but there was not a beer bottle in sight which was when he caught sight of a pile of candy wrappers and a half-empty tub of cotton-candy.

He walked slowly up to them, curious as to how incapacitated they were- it was just a sugar high after all, right? Cans of fizzy water lolled around their feet forgotten as they chatted. They had to be drugged because there was no way cotton candy and Star Wars made anyone let alone Alyssa Chang and Lizzie Saltzman be nice. And they were so nice.

“Kaleb, come join us.” Alyssa spotted him first, pointing him out to Lizzie whose face immediately scrunched up and Landon who waved enthusiastically.

“Yeah, we’re just about to start another movie- what do you think? Alyssa vetoed all action movies, and Lizzie vetoed rom-coms,” Landon pouted. Kaleb sat beside him, wincing because he was pretty sure there was now a splinter in his ass, and looked at the selection of movies Landon had downloaded. Sure enough, pretty much all of them could be sorted into one of the two banned genres.

“Tough luck man,” Kaleb said without an ounce of sympathy in his voice. Landon didn’t seem to mind.

“Fizzy?” he offered. He’d never heard sprite be referred to as a fizzy before, but he didn’t say no, taking the drink and popping the tap recklessly.

“Can I have the-,” Alyssa stopped when she realized what he had done fixing him with a glare that was frightening because this was Alyssa Chang, hello. Landon copied her expression though he failed to inspire the same- or any degree of fear. “You shouldn’t litter.” And Kaleb hadn’t expected her to be all high and mighty about the earth. He gestured at the mess on the porch.

“We’re gonna clean up,” Lizzie interjected. Her voice was whiny and high-pitched and self-superior, and Landon was an actual angel for putting up with these two. “Anyway, I think we should watch something gay.”

“Something queer,” Alyssa corrected? Lizzie seemed to take it in her stride, nodding.

“But not a rom-com,” Landon checked. Both girls rolled their eyes.

“You do know about the TQIAA+ bit, right,” Lizzie almost mocked.

“I don’t think a-spec movies exist though.”

“Oh, sure they do, hand me that.” Landon obliged but refrained from pointing out the obvious- that they had no internet connection, only the movies pre-downloaded. Lizzie quickly discovered that if the frown on her face was any indication. But then it disappeared and Kaleb leaned over to see the little internet beacon bright as ever. “Thanks Alyssa,” Lizzie said with a soft smile.

It made sense that witches could do that, but at the same time, what grimoire could find that sort of spell in. He had a feeling Alyssa might have made it herself. It was Alyssa after all. Landon and Lizzie didn’t seem to have that problem though, arguing over the trackpad.

“Lizzie- no you have to right click.”

“Get your hands off me muggle.”

“Actually, I’m a phoenix.”

“Like you’d let us forget.”

“You just-,”

“Someone’s gotta keep you humble.”

Alyssa quickly got bored of them waving her hand in Landon’s direction and muttering, “Silencio.” Earlier Kaleb had attributed Landon’s kindness to his Landon-ness, but now, he wouldn’t be surprised if he’d been spelled there.

It was now Lizzie and Alyssa who were huddled around the laptop.

“That has romance,” Alyssa protested.

“Trust me,” Lizzie said. Alyssa sat back an crossed her arms.

“Is this just because I’m Asian or something?” That statement earned her an annoyed and offended look from Lizzie.

“No, it’s because it’s a cinematic masterpiece and it makes me feel real and you seem to have trouble with that sort of stuff too.” She nudged Alyssa gently with her shoulder, and Kaleb hadn’t expected it to get so real but here they were. Landon plugged it into the projector, and Kaleb leaned back on the porch- trying to find a comfortable position, something that was impossible or so Lizzie informed him.

So, he sat there at the Old Mill watching a movie with Landon, Lizzie, and Alyssa as he waited for MG to come back and supposed to himself that maybe they weren’t so bad after all. And that maybe, just maybe, he could find it in himself to forgive Lizzie for her indiscretions with MG.

Notes:

I hope you liked it! And yes the movie they were watching was Everything Everywhere All At Once and you should go watch it too bc it’s amazing.

oh and for the ethan thing- they were trying out a poly relationship but Lizzie stepped out/back. the date was originally just a mg and ethan thing so nothing changed on that front.