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Today was the day, Steve’s two lives would meld together into one fucking mess. The Munson duo and Steve’s parents were finally going to meet, there was zero doubt it would go horribly, Steve didn’t even clarify that it was a boy he was dating, let alone Eddie Munson. All they knew was that Steve had been in a relationship with someone for a while and their Uncle wanted to meet the fellow guardians. Wayne demanded it after a couple of months of dating, he was much too curious about who could raise a boy like Steve. Eddie wanted to see the chaos go down, and after checking a million times if Steve would be okay with it, they finally set a date. His parents tried to avoid politics at all cost, so the strongest he felt they could react to him being queer was with disgust and surprise, and that’s how they reacted to the majority of what Steve did so it really didn’t make much of a difference.
The Harringtons didn’t feel like presenting their dining room to the others, so the repaired Munson trailer was going to be where dinner took place. Wayne wanted to go all out, he bought fucking Pizza Hut! Eddie was absolutely losing his shit, his Uncle only bought Pizza Hut pizza when family members got married or divorced. The fact that Wayne bought the good shit meant that he was as desperate to please the Harringtons as Eddie was, so they spent the entire day cleaning up the trailer to look like a well-adjusted, God-loving abode.
Steve called beforehand to give Eddie a time estimate of when they’d arrive, but with how much panicking the two Munsons were doing, the fifteen minutes flew by. They were setting down glasses of water on the table when a knock came on the door.
“Fuck!” Eddie yelled, barely resisting throwing the glasses down and running to the door. “Do I look pretty?” He spun to look at his Uncle before opening the door, his eyes deadly serious.
His uncle just threw his hands out, “You look like you always do?”
This was not true, Eddie put extra thought into his presentation for that day, he even went so far as to brush his hair for a bit and clean up his black nail polish, but Wayne was not observant of things like that. Eddie just let out an aggravated sigh and pulled the door open before he could let himself think about it.
“Hello!” He greeted, trying to cover up his nerds with excessive enthusiasm.
Steve was at the front of the back, dressed neatly with his hands clasped together as he braced himself for what was about to happen. Behind him stood two menacing figures, it made Eddie feel like he was Charlie Brown, he couldn’t imagine these two adults making any coherent sentences. His mom had her hair pulled into the tightest and largest hair bun Eddie had ever seen, she was wearing a light blue pencil skirt and matching blazer. She looked like a suspect in the board game Clue. His dad wasn’t much better, his face was extremely red, but he didn’t even look angry, that was just his face. He wore poor-fitting khakis with an obnoxious belt and red polo shirt. They both shot Eddie a glare, not quite putting together that he was the lover in question.
“Come on in,” Eddie tried, gesturing into his home and stepping to the side. “Wayne will let you into the kitchen, yes?” He looked at his Uncle with a glare, trying to get this evening in motion.
“Right this way,” Wayne led them off to the kitchen table, which wasn’t at all far from the door, but they still wanted to be polite. “The menu tonight is pizza! Pepperoni and cheese.”
“Pizza Hut pizza!” Eddie cheered as they sat down. Eddie took a spot next to Steve and his parents rounded it out so Mr. Harrington was seated by Wayne.
“Oh, damn!” Steve gasped, impressed by the dinner. His parents gave each other skeptical looks, but Steve was too busy making introductions to notice. “Mom, Dad, this is Eddie and his Uncle Wayne.”
“Pleasure to meet you two,” Wayne offered his hand to both the adults, but neither took it.
Mrs. Harrington slowly shifted her stare from the man to Steve, “But where’s your girlfriend? Why isn’t she here?”
Steve’s face fell, he really didn’t want to have to explicitly tell them, but he knew it was foolish to think they’d figure it out on their own. “No, mom, I’m not- I don’t have,” Steve took a deep breath in, and Eddie started rubbing a hand up and down his back. “I’m dating Eddie.” He felt his entire body tremble with anticipation, watching his parents react in slow motion.
His mother’s jaw dropped, it seemed like she was almost offended by the idea. She silently shook her head at her son, eyebrows furrowing when her gaze finally flickered around the trailer. His dad was just pure anger. His face was somehow even redder, a large fist coming to land on the table.
“You think this is funny, Steve?” His dad muttered, trying to keep his voice flat in front of the gasps. “Where’s the girl? Is there even a girl, son?”
Steve just shook his head, mouth-filling with spite, “No! There’s clearly no girl. Never said there was a good, but oh pity! How could your son ever be happy with a man, huh?”
“Why him?” Mrs. Harrington cried, tears were spilling out of her eyes. “We could’ve found you a nice man!”
That threw Steve off even more than his dad’s homophobia, it wasn’t that his mom didn’t like that Steve was queer, it was that she just didn’t like Eddie. This only served to make Steve even angrier, he stood up from the table, leaning on it to look down at his parents. The two Munsons awkwardly scooted back, trying to avoid any mean right hooks that might come swinging.
“I already found a nice man, mother.” Steve hissed through gritted teeth. “Maybe if you were nice and actually TALKED to him, you would fucking know that.”
“Language, Steve!” His mother scolded him.
“Oh, so I’m the one being rude?” Steve feigned shock, his palm going to rest on his rapidly beating heart. “Why don’t you shake my boyfriend’s Uncle’s hand, and eat the goddamn pizza, mother?” He spits out the last word, not letting his eyes leave her.
“That is no way to speak to a woman,” Mr. Harrington interjected.
“Oh, because you’re so much kinder.” Steve threw himself away from the table, crossing his arms to avoid punching his own father. The man was a million times worse to his mother in privacy, he had absolutely zero level of respect for her, and his mom just sat there and took it.
“Stevie, darling,” Eddie whispered to him, trying to figure out what he should do.
“Don’t call my son that.” Mr. Harrington spit.
It was Wayne’s turn to jump in, “I can’t imagine what you call him at home is any better.” He acutely pointed out.
His father bared his bottom teeth, sincerely debating on pushing the man out of his chair. “Fuck this, Steven we’re leaving.” The man got up, letting his wife use his arm to stand herself up.
“You guys can, I’m not.” Steve stood his ground, planting himself back at the table. “I actually gave a shit about tonight. I was actually excited, thought maybe you’d guys get a wild hair and keep it tame for a single night. But, no. I know you guys call me an idiot all the time, apparently you have a point. I can’t believe I thought you guys would ever give a shit about me.”
“If dating this boy is your way of acting out-” His mom started.
“It’s not! I love him!” Steve put a hand on Eddie’s shoulder as if to protect him. “And maybe if you let him talk for more than two seconds, you guys would too!”
“Please,” His dad chuckled. “It’s difficult enough to love you.”
Wayne’s seat skidded across the kitchen tile with a groan, he quickly crossed over to the man, finger pointing extremely close to the man’s adam apple. “I’ll fucking stab myself in the hand, call 9-1-1 and tell them a little Harrington did this. I got eyewitnesses.” His dad’s eyes flickered to where the two boys were watching him. “What’cha gonna do?”
Steve jerked his head to the other side of the table, where they were originally sitting. His father glanced at the clock. “Thirty minutes and we leave.” He pulled his wife back to their seats, grimacing as Wayne slid a pizza of each type onto their paper plates.
The first couple minutes were totally silent, only the sounds of the Munsons and Steve nibbling on their pizzas as they stared down the other two. Eddie was the first to cave.
“How are you finding the main course?” He asked, knowing damn well they hadn’t even touched their plates.
The Harringtons scoffed, rolling their eyes. “I think it's pretty sick,” Steve answered instead, speaking with an impolite mouth full of food. “Did you guys get the seasoning on the crust?”
“Hell yeah we did,” Wayne jumped in, excited for something to do other than glare. “Can’t half-ass the Hut.”
“Amen,” Eddie went to take a swig of his water, clinking it against the other glasses. “Or ‘ah, men’. Ain’t that right, Mrs. Harrington?”
Steve snorted, some of his own water squirting onto the table. Eddie threw his head back, a cackle rippling through him. This wave of slap-happy responses carried on like a game of telephone throughout the table, as Wayne slapped his knee and heaved out a silent laugh.
Mr. Harrington was still stone cold, but his wife let herself smile a little at the absurdity.
“Ayo! Look at that smile, we got her!” Eddie threw out his hands in satisfaction. “She knows what’s up. Don’t cha, miss thang?”
Steve’s mom hid her mouth behind a hand, trying to relieve the blush spreading up to her face. However, even she couldn’t resist a terse remark, “That’s Mrs. Thang to you.”
Eddie started lightly banging the table with his fist, vibrating with excitement. He then held his hands to his chest, feigning a peasant who just dishonored his queen. “Oh, how could I? But of course, madame, won’t happen again.”
Steve’s dad rolled his eyes, clearly not amused with this little character Eddie put on. Meanwhile, Steve was very amused, eyeing the boy to see if he would continue his bit.
Eddie took the encouragement and ran with it. “My dearest prince, you must forgive me,” He grabbed Steve’s hands and dipped his head in a bow.
Steve blushed at the title, but lifted his nose in snootiness, “You have called dishonor upon my family. For shame! For that, you will be beheaded.”
“But sire!” Eddie playfully pleaded, his face contorted in overdramatic guilt.
“No buts!” Steve put a finger to Eddie’s lips, silencing the boy. “Executioner.” He looked over at Wayne, who was watching the two in fond amusement. “Off with his head!”
“As you wish, my prince.” Wayne took his plastic fork and slid it across Eddie’s throat, the younger man throwing his head back as though he’d been slaughtered. Faking blood spewing out of him with his hands.
Mr. Harrington rolled his eyes, sighing once the scene was officially over and the three did their little bows. “Are you done?” It was the first thing he had spoken since he sat down, so the whole table turned to him questioningly.
“What are the audience’s reviews?” Eddie prompted him. When the grim man didn’t respond, Eddie started tsking. “We would’ve gotten tomatoes thrown at us I suppose.”
“Better not quit our day jobs, huh?” Wayne huffed, the boys nodding in agreement.
Mrs. Harrington seemed to be coming around to the group, “Such silly boys…” She sighed.
“Better than most boys out there, lemme tell ya.” Wayne shifted forwards in his seat to get a clearer view of the mother. “You raised one hell of a son.” He pointedly did not include Mr. Harrington in this statement.
“Oh did I?” The wife tilted her head in clear intrigue.
“First date with Eddie,” Steve threw his head down to hide a blush as Wayne went on to tell the story. “Brought straight up flowers for my dear boy. Weeks later, dead as a fuckin pedo in prison, Eddie refused to let me get rid of them. Steve had to get him new and alive flowers for Eddie to finally let me put them outside.”
“I did not consent to this exposé,” Eddie hid his face behind his hair, cringing at himself. Mrs. Harrington just giggled at the two boys, finding herself surprisingly fond of them.
“Steve always liked to wine and dine his dates.” She added. “Always the gentleman.”
“Indeed he is,” Eddie gazed softly at his boyfriend, unbridled happiness spreading across his face. “I love you, baby.”
“Love you too,” Steve leaned in to give Eddie a peck on the lips, trying not to be too affectionate in front of their parents.
“Thirty minutes is up.” Mr. Harrington immediately pulled away from the title, leaving his untouched plate. His wife bounced her head between the two, unsure of what to do.
“We don’t have to head home so soon, honey.” She spoke up.
“Don’t tell me this shit is working on you,” He scolded his wife. “Let’s get out of here before they commit even more sins.”
The mom rolled her eyes. “C’mon, they’re in love! They’re just like us at that age!” Eddie and Steve shot each other scared glances, praying they were nothing like Steve’s parents in reality. “Why can’t you just let him live a little?”
“Because living a little can get our son killed. Let’s get out of here.” He yanked his wife’s arm and dragged her towards the exit.
“It was a pleasure having you over!” Wayne called before they completely thundered out the door.
“Steve?” His dad ignored Wayne’s words. “Are you coming or not?”
The boy glanced to where his boyfriend and Wayne were waiting, their faces loving and accepting no matter what he chose to do. How could he leave them?
“No, dad.” Steve shook his head, linking his hand with Eddie’s. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”
Mr. Harrington ground his teeth together, clearly holding back some harsh words. “Let’s go, honey.” He yanked his wife out of the trailer, leaving the three men in silence.
“To be completely honest, I thought it was going to be worse,” Steve confessed.
“Thought for sure you were going to get your ass whooped until Wayne broke out the ole physical assault whammy.” Eddie laughed.
Wayne just shook his head, still trying to process the fact that parents would genuinely act like that. “It’s a real miracle you turned out the way you are, Steve.”
“Tell me about it,” The boy rolled his eyes, leaning against Eddie to ease some of the tension left in him.