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It had been hard work, but everything was ready.
A pink translucent sheet surveyed the electric pink interior of the house. A low table was crowded with bowls of chisps and other nibbles, not to mention a large pitcher of lemonade. A plate of ectoplasmic blue sandwiches and second pitcher of ghost juice sat beneath the table, unable to sit atop it without falling through. Mismatched chairs borrowed from as far away as Hotland surrounded the refreshments, with a few gaps for guests who preferred to float. Pictures copied from librarby books were strategically placed between plates as conversation starters for the purpose of this evening. That purpose was proudly declared on a wall by the door, in a poster so bawdy and tacky with glitter it had the self confidence to be tasteful: "HUMAN FAN CLUB INAUGURAL MEETING, 7:30PM".
The ghost grew more opaque with confidence and glided to the head of the table. "Just a few more minutes, Happy..."
A few more minutes passed. Then a few more few more minutes. Then so many few more minutes they coalesced into several minutes. Featureless eyes darted from the club poster, to the clock well past 7:30, to the other movie poster featuring two dancing humans, to the door, to the clock going ever further beyond 7:30, back to the first poster. An observer would likely conclude nothing was happening in the room, unable to sense the roiling emotions rocking the core of the would-be host of this little gathering. Unless they had psychic powers to pick up on that, but that seems doubtful.
"...I knew it," said Happstablook, trying to persuade a sense of inevitable success of its non-existence. "Maybe I should give up-"
Knock knock!
"Oh!" He glided through the chisps and two chairs to open the door. "Welcome, darlings!"
The 's' in 'darlings' was a little embarrassed, as there was only one person standing outside in the dark cavern. Unless you counted the rubber duck afloat in the water on his broad back.
"Hi," said Woshington, "is this the Humid Fan Club?"
Happstablook's eyes seemed to meld into his face entirely. "Man. Hu-MAN."
The rubber duck squeaked in response to the faux pas. "Oh, I thought I could pick up some woshing tips by having as much water in the air as possible. Sorry."
"Not at all, not at all..."
"So, what's the human club abou-"
The door was closed in his curious face as Happstablook returned to his place around the table. So much for this idea, he told himself. If you found it, they will come. Utter bunkum! It had been whimsical fantasy that he could entice companionship over a fascination of humanity. Most monsters were still hyped up on Asgore's declaration of war, and many hadn't even been born when that happened. Why bother learning about an enemy it was your duty to bring to ruin? Fools, the lot of them. But then, was he the bigger fool for thinking he could get them to see the beauty? Ah well, he didn't have to reflect on this failure alone, maybe in five minutes he'd take Blooky up on the offer to-
Knock knock! "Uh, h-hello?"
Once more he returned to the door, but with less panache than before. "Yes, dear?"
The dear was a yellow lizard in a frumpy jumper and dark trousers, hunched over almost through his face as she held a copy of the fan club poster. "Am I too late?"
Happstablook sank towards the floor. "Actually yes, you're the first to come and half an hour has gone by, I was thinking of just going to visit my cousin-"
"Oh..." her tail drooped to the ground, picking up a bag by her side. "I s-saw this poster near the garbage heap, and I was e-excited that someone else was... you know..."
Her downbeat tone belay something Happstablook could tell. Desperation, perhaps? No, not quite. Passion, though... yes, there was a fire inside her. Like she could talk about this for hours. It was infectious.
"...come in, dear."
"Oh, yay!" she squeed. "I-I'm Alphys."
A pink bulge stretched out from his body and passed briefly through her hand. "Charmed, I'm sure."
The ghost led the way back into the room, taking up his assigned gap around the table. Alphys sat in the chair next to him, even though it wasn't one of the ones with a hole to accommodate her tail, but squashing it didn't seem to bother her as she grabbed a few chisps. Happstablook in turn picked up a glass of ghost juice from through the table and took a sip. He patiently waited for her to finish chewing.
"...so you l-like humans?" she asked.
"Oh, yes!" he said, with perfect confidence. "I mean, what's not to like about them?"
"Uh, the w-war," said Alphys with a sheepish grin.
"Oh! Ha ha!" Happstablook flushed pinker still. "That's actually rather funn-"
"And t-trapping us down here. And taking the old kingdom. And attacking the Prince. And maybe planning to come down here and finish us off-"
"Alphys, Alphys," he interrupted, "you need to know when to move on, darling."
"Oh! H-ha ha, sorry," she muttered. "Thought a little too hard on that."
"Well, better than speaking without any thought at all." He took another drink. "But let's not buy into the mainstream official Royal line on humanity. Are they not every bit as complex as we are?"
"Oh, even more so," said Alphys, "in s-some ways, I mean. Like the amount of physical matter t-they take up makes their biology super complicated compared to us-"
"Hmm, biology," he repeated, with a tone of warning about squeamishness. "I suppose that's true, but I was thinking more about their state of mind."
"Oh! Sorry again, I'm really lousy at keeping m-my tangents in check. But yes, you're right. T-they probably feel everything we do. It just doesn't immediately impact their body like it would ours."
What amounted to Happstablook's mass concentrated on one side, giving the impression of a tilted head. "You've got a very nuts and bolts view of things, don't you Alphys?"
"I guess you could say that," she said with a nervous chuckle. "I m-mean, the fine details make the whole picture more s-significant in my experience."
"I suppose," he mused, reaching for another sandwich, "but nuts and bolts don't mean much if you just assemble a dull metal chair with them. The whole picture needs panache. A hook to draw you in. A little, je ne sais quoi..."
"O-oh! Vous parlez la Francais!"
The sandwich dropped through the table. "Beg pardon?"
Alphys' face flushed orange. "...French. One of the m-more popular languages on the surface. I thought you spoke it."
He grew more transparent. "...alas, no. I just found the phrase in a magazine at the garbage, I liked it. 'Moi', as well." He wondered why he was admitting this to her.
"Oh..." she grinned sheepishly. "I d-don't speak it very well anyway. I just found a children's schoolbook about it. It was useful f-for translating some other books."
"You don't speak it well?" He floated slightly higher. "Well you enunciated it most smoothly, darling. I should actually learn it."
"So you c-can understand more of human culture?"
"So I can sound more sophisticated! Let's make it an optional activity of this club."
"Seconded! All in favour..." She raised her clawed hand. She was the only one to do so, being the only one with arms, but she knew her host agreed. "I'll bring my book next time."
"Very good, Alphys. We'll understand humans in no time with initiative like that! It will almost be as good as having a... never mind."
"What is it?"
No. It sounds too silly even here. Not yet. He forcefully directed her view towards the movie poster. "See how passionately they embrace each other, Alphys? Why do they do that? Is it mere love? Is it jubilation over shared good news? Or a final bittersweet acknowledgement of a relationship that has come to an end? Humans clearly have a penchant for drama. Alas, nobody has a copy of that movie, so I don't know what happens in it, but it's clearly a musical story for the ages. It even says so at the bottom!"
"...so it does," said Alphys, adjusting her glasses. "You k-know, if you want to get a headstart on h-human culture, I might have just the thing."
"Hmm?"
She rummaged through her bag, Happy realising for the first time how bulging it was. She took out a video cassette. "Um, I think this human show is o-one of the most moving things I've ever watched. Do you have a tape player?"
Her attitude wasn't presumptive, the question the very model of manners, but Happstablook once again noticed the passion in her eyes. This really meant the world to her. Perhaps... perhaps he could trust her judgement in human matters.
"Under the TV, darling."
"Yay!" she squeaked, scurrying over to it. "N-now, it can be a little rote, but once we m-make it to episode thirty-seven you'll see the appeal."
"Thirty-seven?" He looked at the bag. "Is every tape that one show?"
She already inserted the tape. "Of course not! I brought Mew Mew Kissy Cutie as well."
"Alphys, perhaps another..."
Too late. The opening title was already playing, and Alphys was frozen. Happstablook didn't remember when the inaugural meeting of the human fan club finally adjourned, but he knew someone with that kind of passion was worth having in his life. And also to decline her offers more quickly.