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Romance was a fairytale as far as Shionne had been concerned: an enchanting and appealing concept, but one that just wasn't plausible in real life. Until Alphen, anyway.
But because she had never let herself fall too deep into fantasies (sure, she had imagined the major milestones like a first kiss and a wedding), she wasn't ready for the little moments that were part of being a couple. She had felt bold when she embraced Alphen and kissed him when they returned to Dahna, freed of the curse of her thorns; however, even in the hours that followed she realized that she wasn't ready for the new interactions that were now permitted between her and Alphen.
Through the questions of what was normal and what was acceptable, Shionne found support in the memories of how she had seen the pairs around her behave with each other, and the stories that others shared of their romances. She reached back to those memories often when she wondered at her own feelings and responses to Alphen, when she wasn't convinced if something was normal or not.
Shionne raised an eyebrow when she saw Law practically leap three feet in the air when his knee bumped against Rinwell's. "S-Sorry!" he stammered, very obviously looking away from her.
Rinwell scooted towards the other end of the crate they sat on and peered back at him. Her face was completely flushed. "Pay attention to your surroundings more, Law!" She covered her mouth with her hand but Shionne saw the smile that didn't match her cranky tone of voice.
"Aren't you two being a little dramatic?" Shionne asked. It was partly judgmental, partly genuinely curious. "You barely touched."
"But we did touch!" Rinwell huffed. She stood up and strode across the campsite with a feigned the need to rummage through her bag for something.
With Rinwell out of earshot, Shionne turned her attention to Law. "So is that why it was a big deal for you?"
"I dunno…" Law scratched the back of his head and looked off in the direction Rinwell had gone. "With some people it's just like…you accidentally put your hand in a fire or something."
Was that supposed to be a good thing or a bad thing?
~
It had sounded ridiculous, until Shionne sat next to Alphen by the campfire the first night there were no barriers between them. When Alphen casually leaned on the ground they sat on, his shoulder brushed against Shionne's arm and she yelped in surprise.
"Shionne, are you okay? Do
I
have thorns now?" There was legitimate concern in his voice. Idiot.
Shionne knew she was turning red. "Don't be ridiculous!" she snapped.
When she heard Law laugh, she recognized that her tone was just like Rinwell's had been the time she and Law accidentally touched. She simultaneously felt embarrassed and a little bit relieved - she understood why those two were so flustered by just a little touch. It was like a shock running through her, and it thrilled her and alarmed her at the same time.
At least she could be reassured that it wasn't only her who could get so frazzled with one accidental touch by someone you care about.
The grilled carp smelled kind of bland, Shionne thought as she turned over the fish that Zephyr had impressively snatched out of the water with his bare hands, now skewered on a branch wedged by the campfire. She looked through the small selection of herbs and spices they had picked up and she must have sighed. It wasn't conscious, but she noticed the plume of her breath that was visible in the frigid Cyslodia air.
"Are you thinking of how to season it?"
Zephyr set down an armful of wood that could be used to feed the fire.
"Yeah…" Shionne muttered. "I know Alphen likes spice, but what about you and Rinwell?"
The older man hummed thoughtfully. "I like spice too, but not as much as Alphen, it seems. But I do like lots of cracked pepper - my wife always used to complain that cooking for me made her sneeze with the force of a hundred zeugles. I swear I could smell the soup she made as soon as I stepped through the gates of Ulzebek." He laughed a little to himself.
"So why did she use so much pepper if she didn't like it?" Shionne asked. She would be so irritated to go through the effort of making food that she didn't even enjoy eating.
Zephyr seemed a little surprised by her question. "She just wanted me to be happy, I guess."
~
"I've found the solution!" Shionne proudly raised a small bottle of orangey red liquid above her head, and then held it out to Alphen.
Her husband tilted his head, smiling through his curiosity. "What's this?"
"Homemade hot sauce," Shionne answered. "Spiciness level: blazing sword."
Alphen's face lit up even more. He accepted the bottle from Shionne's hand and uncapped it; first he sniffed it, then tipped it to let a small drop fall onto his finger, then tasted it. "Wow, this is perfect!" he exclaimed. It would have sent most people running for water, but Alphen was overjoyed.
Shionne couldn't hold back her own smile, seeing his absolute glee at such a simple gesture. She knew she couldn't cook to his taste all the time (for the sake of her own tastebuds), but this way he could know that she always wanted him to enjoy her cooking and to feel the love she poured into it for him.
She thought to herself that she finally understood why Zephyr's wife would have cooked with so much pepper even if she didn't care for it.
It seemed like a terrible idea, introducing two people who had lost their partners under tragic circumstances, but it was part of Kisara's effort to help Fahria feel welcome when she arrived in Viscint. Shionne never would have predicted that Fahria and Lagill, of all people, would get along so well by immediately bonding over their losses. Shionne suspected the pub setting and abundant alcohol had something to do with it.
"You miss the way a person just knows you," Lagill said, slamming her glass onto the table and leaning across it towards Shionne. Her attention diverted to Kisara with a pointed finger. "And I am not talking about knowing about butt moles!"
"Excuse me?" Fahria questioned.
Kisara waved the comment off. "Don't mind Lagill. She has some insecurities."
"I knew Migal best and he knew me best!" Lagill loudly rambled on. "Like if you're totally miserable, having someone who can pick up on it like that ." She snapped her fingers.
Fahria nodded. She was taking her time with the drinks, Shionne noticed, and her calm behaviour reflected that. "I understand that well. Tarnigen noticed my feelings of insecurity whenever they got the best of me, and when I was feeling down he would pick up his violin and play a tune that had a way of lifting my spirits."
"But couldn't you have just played the violin yourself to cheer up?" Shionne asked. Dohalim had praised Fahria's skills as a musician as the best of their quartet, so it seemed odd to Shionne that she couldn't use music to channel a mood on her own.
But Fahria just giggled, like Shionne was a child who didn't understand the nuances of adulthood yet. "Well that would kind of be like hugging yourself for comfort, wouldn't it? It's just not the same."
Shionne tried to imagine what Fahria was saying. Since her thorns were gone, she hadn't really sought comfort - life had become suspiciously straightforward and happy. She supposed it wouldn't be that way forever, so maybe the idea would come back to her again.
~
Living in the countryside could get lonely at times. The walks to the market or through the farming village provided brief interactions with other humans, but it didn't match the nights they used to spend around the campfire as a team, sharing both lighthearted and heavy stories and sometimes baring their hearts to one another.
Shionne heaved a sigh as she looked out the window at the barren footpath that led to their front door. She couldn't remember the last time one of their friends had visited.
Alphen's arms suddenly wound around her from behind, warm and reassuring. "We should invite everyone over sometime soon," he said.
He was right–it was as simple as inviting people over. Shionne felt herself relaxing as she processed her husband's simple logic, the easy answer that accompanied a hug that would have been reassuring enough on its own.
How did he even know she was troubled? How did he know exactly what was bothering her? How did he know how to ease her uncertainties?
Yeah, okay - she had to concede that there was no better comfort than being wrapped up in Alphen's arms, and he always knew just when she needed it.
"Isn't that uncomfortable?"
Kisara looked up from her task of polishing her armour plates, then a little to the left to view Dohalim leaning on her shoulder. He must have been exhausted after the day's travels, his head drooping against Kisara soon after they set up a campsite; he had fallen fast asleep, not stirring at all even as Kisara rotated through her armour pieces' routine care.
"Well, yes," Kisara admitted, "but there's something endearing about it. It shows a great deal of trust in a person to fall asleep against them."
Shionne contemplated the idea, appraising the two people in front of her–Kisara, so attentive as she kept her left shoulder as still as she could while focusing on her present chore, and Dohalim, whose reputation for attentiveness often failed to extend to the feelings of people around him.
"You don't think Dohalim is just the type of person who would carelessly use a stranger as a pillow, like if he was in a crowded carriage or something?"
Kisara gave it a moment's thought, then sighed. "...You're probably right," she said, resting her head against Dohalim's, "but just let me have this."
~
Alphen was asleep. Shionne was trapped.
She had been leafing through an artbook of fashion sketches while Alphen zoned out next to her on the couch. She should have known his vacant relaxation would turn to slumber. Now, how was she supposed to turn the page without disturbing him…? Shionne awkwardly thumbed the corner of the page with her non-dominant hand so she didn't need to move the arm Alphen was leaning on.
Ugh, this was so uncomfortable…!
The book fell onto her lap, abandoned. She instead turned her attention to Alphen. To the way his features softened when he was asleep, and to the hilarious hint of drool at the corner of his mouth. Shionne breathed out a small laugh and nestled her head atop his.
Maybe being trapped by Alphen wasn't so bad. She was suddenly sympathetic to the way Kisara seemed at peace to act as a cushion for Dohalim; it wasn't comfortable, but cushions weren't meant to feel comfortable themselves–they were to help make the people resting on them as cozy and restful as possible. Instilling that feeling in someone else was probably even better than enjoying it yourself, Shionne thought as she let her eyes close.
She would have assumed she was exaggerating things, every thought and reaction born of a life of isolation. Isn't it ridiculous to jump at an accidental touch from someone? To go out of your way to make a meal less delicious in favour of pleasing someone else's palate? To think someone else a mind reader, a telepathic comforter in trying times? To let yourself be sore and stiff just so another person could rest soundly?
It all would have been so absurd, if she hadn't seen others do similarly and feel the same way first.