Work Text:
I miss you. I know you’ll probably laugh at that. I know I don’t have the right to say that. But I do. I miss you so much Kook. The bed is empty and cold without you. I don’t think I thought of this when we bought a bigger bed. You might not never read this. I don’t blame you if you throw it away just by the handwriting. But I hope this reaches you. I hope you will. Even if it’s not to forgive you, just to understand. Though I barely understand myself.
Are you reading this in the kitchen? That’s how I picture you. On one of the kitchen stools, is Sugar nearby? Probably lying in patch of sunlight. How is she? Is she taking her medication for her paw, or is it healed by now? Has he met Sugar yet? God, I wish I was there Kook.
I don’t know where to start with this Kook. I can’t seem to find the words. I know that’s ironic, that a professional song writer doesn’t have words, but I’ve always lost them with you. Can you remember me asking you out? I stuttered so much. I thought about doing it over text, but I wanted to see you as I confessed. Wanted to see your eyes. Still do.
I can’t explain. I can’t reason for what happened. I can’t justify anything, and I don’t want to, I don’t want to try and make excuses.
I should have called. I should have told you how I felt. How lonely I was. How lonely I still am Kook. I wish you came with me. London is a scary place Kook. It’s so new, so difficult. You’d be okay here, I know you would. Everyone would love you.
There’s so much I want to say. So much I should have done.
I shouldn’t have left. I should have stayed, I should have kissed you a thousand more times when I could. I should have stayed, I should have told you I loved you with every breath.
I’m so sorry about that night. I know that doesn’t mean anything. But I truly am sorry. If I could turn back time I would. I know it doesn’t make it better, but I wished he was you. I needed you so badly that night. Work was just terrible, the heating in my flat wasn’t working, the water only ran cold. I just wanted my boyfriend. I should have called you, but time difference wasn’t on my side. I went to a pub. Just wanted to drink by myself. I honestly couldn’t tell you how it happened. All I remember was the strange touches, I knew it wasn’t you, I knew he wasn’t what I wanted. But I didn’t have you, so I stupidly searched for something else.
I know it’s been a couple months and you’re probably wondering why I’m now writing to you. Why I’m only now explaining all this. But I needed to figure myself out first. I know that probably sounds selfish, but you deserved a good explanation and I wasn’t capable of that back then. I’m barely capable of it now. I know you’ll have more questions. Maybe you could text me, or call, my number is still the same. Your nickname is still the same in my phone Kook.
I hope he is good to you. Have you told him that he needs to pick you up from work if you’re working late? Does he know that you’re scared of walking alone in the dark? I hope he knows that Kook. I hope he’s giving you the world. You deserve it Kook. I hope he’s good to you, I hope he truly loves you. Say hi to him for me Kook. Tell Namjoon I understand. He’s always had a soft spot for you.
I miss you
I love you,
Yoongi
A tear landed on the paper as Jungkook sniffled, grabbing a sheet from the tissue box on the kitchen counter. He sat exactly where Yoongi expected him to be. Turning around in the stool, he watched as Sugar lay on the piece of apartment that had a sunbeam, licking her once wounded paw. A framed picture of him and Namjoon on the table beside her. Jungkook gave another sniffle as more tears streamed down his face, his heart breaking.