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It was the nightmares again.
You knew the second that you felt him shift beside you that he was being haunted by his past as he tried, and failed, to rest peacefully. It was the third time this week and, while it was a fairly regular occurrence, that didn’t make it any easier for him or you.
When he was awake, Tanjiro was well-composed. You knew there was a thick layer of pain and trauma simmering beneath his kind and caring persona, but he never actively spoke about it. Reliving it was too hard, and you would never ask him to open that door if he wasn’t sure that he could shut it on his own without causing more anguish for himself.
However, once his eyes were closed, he had no control over the scenes that played out in his mind.
When you turned to look at him, your chest tightened at the sight of sweat beading across his brow, and the creases on his forehead deepened as a frown turned down the corners of his lips. His head jerked to the side away from you, and you could see his lips moving faintly though his eyes were still shut tight. You couldn’t hear what he was saying, but you had seen this play out enough times to know that he was murmuring the names of his siblings.
It was always the same.
You watched for a moment as his frown deepened and his movements became more frantic as he whimpered. You sat up onto your arm, your other hand poised to rest on top of his head, your fingers gently pushing through his hair. You didn’t want to startle him, but you couldn’t allow him to continue to fight through this horrendous memory on his own. While it was just a nightmare now, it had been reality not that long ago. Your heart throbbed at the thought.
“Takeo… Hanako… Shigeru… Rokuta…”
Tanjiro’s broken voice brought about a wave of nausea in your stomach and your fingers twisted around the dark red strands of hair as you gently called out his own name.
“Tanjiro… Tanjiro, my love, it’s time to wake up.”
You were afraid of the pain laced in your words, and you had to take a steadying breath as he continued calling out for his siblings. You could only imagine the horrors that lay deep inside his mind, and all you wanted to do was save him. You wanted to reach into his mind and pull out the bad parts so he would only be left with the memories that made him smile. No one, especially not your sweet Tanjiro, should have to endure this unconscious form of torture.
When he didn’t stir at the sound of his name, you slowly leaned down to press your lips against his forehead, your eyes squeezing shut at the sounds his continued cries and whimpers. Whatever he was going through, in his mind, he was alone. And that always broke your heart the most.
Finally, after a few more agonizing seconds, a loud gasp sounded from Tanjiro’s lips and his eyes flew open as if he had been shocked awake by some unseen source. Ruby irises searched his surroundings, and you pulled back just enough so that you could meet his bleary gaze.
“You’re alright. Everything’s alright. It was just a nightmare.”
There was a long, heavy moment where confusion filled Tanjiro’s eyes, and you knew that he was disoriented. It was the same every time, and while your heart ached in those moments he didn’t recognize you, it was always short-lived and he was soon reaching out his hand for you, his palm pressing against your cheek in an attempt to ground himself to reality.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured, the same words still as broken and guilty as they always were. “I didn’t mean to worry you.”
The last thing you ever wanted was to make him feel even worse, and so after placing another quick kiss to his forehead, you moved to lay back down next to him and the hand that had been softly carding through his hair now moved down to the side of his neck. He turned his head to face you, and the sadness in his eyes as he tried to muster a reassuring smile caused you to frown.
“You have nothing to apologize for,” you whispered as your eyes traced his features in the low moonlight that was filtering in through the window. “Did you want to talk about it?”
As expected, Tanjiro quickly shook his head, and you nodded in understanding. You didn’t feel insulted that he didn’t want to share his feelings about this particular incident with you, and instead, you turned your focus back to helping him relax. His body was still taught and rigid from his nightmare, and even when he turned onto his side so that he could pull you closer, you could still feel that tension in every muscle in his body.
Without another word, your hand on his neck slipped down between his shoulders as your fingertips kneaded the muscles in his upper back and shoulders. A soft sigh slipped from Tanjiro’s lips as his eyes fluttered shut, and the fake smile on his lips slowly morphed into a smaller, more genuine one. Your ministrations continued as they slid down his back as far as your arm could reach, and once you had massaged every bit of skin that you could access, Tanjiro was reaching for your hand and lacing your fingers with his.
“I appreciate you, you know,” he said softly, his eyes still closed as you watched his mouth slowly form the words around the smile that still hadn’t faded away. “I’m really glad you’re here and that I don’t have to get through these nights alone anymore.”
Only at the end of his sentence did he finally open his eyes again, and your breath caught in your throat at the love that was found staring back at you. You were always taken aback at how well he could express his feelings when he wanted to, and you hoped that, in the end, he understood just how much his words meant to you.
“As far as I’m concerned, you never have to be alone again. I’ll make sure of it,” you replied, quiet yet confident, and Tanjiro hummed in agreement as he pulled you closer, his head now resting against the top of yours. You could feel his hot breath in your hair, and it wasn’t long before his breathing was evening out and you knew that he had fallen asleep once more. This time, his sleep would only be filled with pleasant dreams- ones of the two of you living out the rest of your days together in a quieter, more peaceful world.
Maybe the dreams were a little too much to hope for in the reality of your current world, but you were in his arms at the moment, and taking it a day at a time is all either of you really could do. And as you pressed your cheek against his chest and snuggled up closer, you knew that was more than enough.