Work Text:
It was a hot day. Not as blistering as the day Dabi and Hawks’ apartment burned down, but a close second. Thankfully this new apartment had air conditioning.
The family of five—and one egg, still incubating—decided to go to the mall.
Hawks immediately ran to the nearest Bath & Body works, abandoning his family. He was a momma hen and needed to treat himself.
“Keigo – what the – where are you going?”
“Dabi-kun~, Mommy Hen needs to treat herself!”
“So you’re going to just leave me here with 3 kids and an egg?!”
But Hawks was long gone. He literally flew into Bath and Body Works because there was another “Buy 25 Get 25” sale. It was a steal. You could never have enough hand sanitizer and LOTION.
This was going to be a very intense shopping session.
Hawks immediately pushed the Bath and Body Works employee to the floor as he ran to the Sale section. He was a MOMMA HEN on a MISSION.
“Sir! Please don’t push people!”
“I AM A BUSY MOTHER!” Hawks screeched as he shoved virtualy every hand sanitizer the store sold into his cart. He had to protect his family!!! And make sure they all smelled good. Now that Touya is murdering people less frequently, he’s started smelling somewhat better. He deserves to smell like the beautiful flower Hawks knows he is inside.
He stuffed his cart with the Men’s Fire Lotion and Body Spray. Dabi-kuuuun was going to be so happy with this surprise!
His wings smacked an entire display of hand sanitizers onto the floor. Uh oh.
“EXCUSE ME!” Hawks shouted to the employee. “You need to do better in having easy accessibility!”
“Sir! You’ve been causing a disruption the moment you came in here!”
“I JUST WANT MY HUSBAND TO SMELL LIKE THE BEAUTIFUL FLOWER HE IS!”
“SIR I’M GOING TO HAVE TO ASK YOU TO LEAVE.”
Hawks started to cry. Why was the world against him? “But what about my stuufff?”
“Keigo.”
Hawks turned to see Dabi, out of breath, with their children grabbing onto his legs and screaming. Hawks refused to buy them strollers because it would “inhibit their flying ability”. “Are you done here?”
“Babe! No! I have to buy you this special lotion~” He handed the body lotion to Dabi.
“…It smells like a flower.”
“THIS EMPLOYEE SAID I CAN’T GET THE LOTION!” Hawks cried.
“Excuse me?” Dabi ignited his flames, glaring at the employee. “Do you want me to burn down this fucking Bath and Body Works?”
“No, no…He…”
“Let my husband buy the lotion. And…” he paused as he saw Hawks’ cart was filled with over 100 hand sanitizers. “Okay…Maybe not all of those.” He picked up a body spray. “It would be really easy to set this place on fire.”
The employee, terrified for their life, brought Hawks to check-out immediately. The demon-babies cried.
“…Will that be cash or credit?”
“Nothing. It’s free.” Dabi aimed his flames towards the employee.
“Okay! Okay!”
Hawks clapped his hands and squealed. “Dabi-kuuuuunnnn~~~! My hero!”
“Keigo. How many times do I have to tell you to not go to Bath and Body works alone?”
“Touya, I just wanted to surprise you…”
“You go feral every single time you see a sale.” Dabi sighed. His demon-baby started to singe his hair. “And this one isn’t even that good! Buy 25 Get 25? What the fuck?”
“IT’S A SALE, DABI-KUN. I’M TRYING TO SAVE MONEY.”
“But that isn’t….” Dabi sighed. Again. “Pretty bird, we don’t need all of this…”
Hawks grabbed Dabi’s hands and immediately squirted LOTION into it. “But I got this for you! Starry Summer Nights!”
“…I…My skin is literally burned off, Keigo.”
“Not all of it.” Hawks protested, listing the small patch of healthy skin on Dabi’s cheek.
The Bath and Body works employee sighed. “Are you done here yet?”
“NO!” Hawks screeched. “Get me another lotion NOW!”
The employee called security.
Hawks dramatically smacked his wings in front of the employee’s face before grabbing onto Dabi’s hand and walking out of the store. The demon-babies screeched and stole multiple hand sanitizers along the way, breathing flames into the bottles.
“Touya, I’m sorry. I just…I just wanted to surprise you…You deserve to treat yourself too!”
“This is the fruitiest lotion I have ever…” Dabi paused. Maybe he should just hold his tongue and not make Hawks cry. After all, he was just trying to do a nice thing. And Dabi did get to threaten arson, and steal today. So it wasn’t that bad. “Thank you.”
Hawks squealed. “Let’s go to Dave and Busters with the kids!”
“No.”
“Whyyyyyyy?!:?/!,!3’xkwnskwksb”
Baby (Toddler) Houou screamed. “I WANT MOUSE!”
“Keigo, do you remember what happened at Chuck E Cheese? I’m not going through that again.”
“But there’s no mascot there! And they have fruity cocktails! Pleeeeaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee—“
“No-“
“PLLLEEEEAASSEEEE”
“You’re being so fucking annoying!” Dabi scowled.
“….So is that a yes?”
“…Yes.”