Archive of Our Own ^beta

Steve was tired. Fucking exhausted. He’d almost suffocated to some creepy plant-vine things, hours ago he barely escaped getting eaten alive and/or choked to death. The universe seemed to have a thing for choking Steve these days.

But there was work to do. He trudged up the stairs behind Robin and Nancy, baseball bat at the ready. And that’s when he heard it.

The silence. The change. The shift in tone of the world. Something had changed. Something was different. Wrong. And as the seconds passed, Steve could feel the wrongness building in his chest, in his ears.

“Robin,” Steve said, turning his head towards the exit, “I have to go.”

He heard Robin and Nancy both pause, but the reply came from Nancy. “Steve, stick with the plan. We have to-”

“I know,” Steve looked Nancy dead in the eyes, hoping to convey what was wrong through his eyes, “But something really bad has happened. I know it. I need to go now.”

“But-”

“Now, Nancy!” Steve felt the frustration and panic stacking in his gut, and he glared at Nancy, angry that she too couldn’t hear the change. The difference. 

“Go,” Robin said, and with a nod from Robin, Steve turned and darted out of the house as quickly as he could, dancing around the vines. He burst through the front door, and glanced at the distance from Vecna’s house to Eddie’s trailer.

“Shit,” he cursed, and ran off through the woods. He wished for a bike, but he knew there was none in sight. He would have to run through the woods that took them almost an hour to hike through and hope that nothing found him in between that time. If there was any time left. 

The scenery blurred around Steve, a mesh of grey and black and twisting vines. Steve dodged them all, weaving in and out of trees. In the space between the heavy sound of his footfalls there was the pounding of his heart. It was painfully out of sync, and the discordant sounds made Steve feel like the ticking of the universe was off. Something was wrong, and the world knew it, or else it wouldn’t be this horrible mixture of silence and chaos. 

The forest was huge, and Steve could only go so fast. He slipped through trees and tried to push the horrible images of what could have happened out of his mind. Max contorted in pain and bleeding out like all the poor saps before her. Dustin or Eddie being eaten alive by bats. Steve’s abdomen stung at the reminder of the damage those things could do, and he hoped that they had safely made it through. He hoped Lucas was alright, that he and Erica were capable of keeping Max safe.

If the danger was much farther away, Steve wouldn’t be able to do much good. He knew the trailer was only a mile or so away, but then he had to get back inside and what if he couldn’t get there in time or by the time he did they-

Don’t focus on that. Just run.

Jump over the vine. Heaving breaths. A painful stitch in his side to be thought about later. Duck under the branch. Grip the baseball bat a little tighter. Steve had never run so fast, and yet he couldn’t shake the feeling of moving through sand, that it would never be fast enough. Steve felt the hardness of a tree root hit his feet and went sprawling, hands scraping open on the hard and cold ground. 

“Shit shit shit,” Steve said, wiping his raw hands on his pants and reaching for his bat, which lay a few feet away. When he stood, he felt pain zap from his ankle through his knee and Steve grunted in pain. With another curse under his breath, Steve pushed off the ground and ran, ignoring with difficulty the pain in his ankle. 

Steve was already tired and exhausted before he even felt the discordance of emptiness. He had already felt at his limit, utterly beaten. But those kids were in danger, and Steve was always meant to be the protector of the group. He would keep any one of those snot nosed brats - including Munson - safe. He couldn’t bring himself to think of another possibility. 

The trees were growing sparser, and Steve could see through them, to Eddie’s trailer. He tucked his arms into his side and pushed forward, breath growing ragged. 

As he neared the trailer, the sight of a person a few hundred yards away caught hold of Steve and took his breath away entirely. A camouflage cloak that couldn’t be mistaken for anyone except Henderson was in a heap on the ground and Steve felt all the air leave his chest in a scream which formed the syllables of Dustin’s name.

Dustin looked up, and he screamed back in the same desperation. All the adrenaline rushed back into Steve at once, filling him with the deep instinct to protect, to care. For as fast as he ran before, when he came into Dustin’s sight and heard his cry for help, Steve nearly flew.

“Steve,” Dustin sobbed as Steve came close, “It’s Eddie, the bats-they got him and I tried to tell him to run, I promise but he just-Steve I think he’s…”

Dustin’s panicked voice faded as Steve skidded to a stop, ignoring the way his knees split open and blood flowed freely. Every single sound fell away like a velvet curtain when Steve saw Eddie lying on the ground, covered in blood and laying in a puddle of it. 

Throat. Ears. Shoulders. Hands. Stomach. Thighs. Every inch of Eddie that Steve could see was covered in bite marks and Steve could hear the beating drum of too late too late too late pounding in his ears. Dustin was still frantically explaining what happened, but Steve couldn’t hear any of it. 

Instead he felt the deeply rooted tug in his chest toward Eddie, to protect to save to help to do something. Anything. When Eddie spoke, all thoughts cleared except for one. Save him.

“Hey big guy.”

In so many years of fighting all the Upside Down could give him, Steve had only felt this towards one person when their life was in danger. Nancy, back when it all started and he didn’t know jackshit but he knew he had to save Nancy. In the midst of the rush of thoughts, one came into clarity. 

Don’t lose him.

“Dustin,” Steve said, looking the kid in the tear filled eyes, “We’re going to save him.”

“Steve-”

“Don’t look at me like that Henderson, we are. But only if you do what I tell you. Run back to the trailer. Get through the portal and find the first aid kit Nancy had. Wait for me there. I’m going to get Eddie through the portal.”

Dustin had tears and grime all over his face, but he nodded without another word, passed Eddie into Steve’s lap and rushed off. Steve directed his attention back to Eddie, who had blood bubbling out of his mouth and a dying light to his eyes that made Steve sick.

“Look at me,” Steve said, bringing a hand to Eddie’s shoulder, “Stay with me, okay? You’re going to stay alive, I promise.”

“Class of eigh…eighty six.”

“That’s fucking right, class of 86. But only if you fight. I’m going to carry you back to the trailer and then I’ll take care of you.”

“My he-hero,” Eddie smiled weakly and Steve felt a bullet go straight through his heart.

“I will be your hero when I save your ass. Stupid idiot, didn’t I tell you not to do anything stupid?” Steve talked and moved, heaving Eddie over his shoulder and walking toward the trailer. Eddie didn’t respond, too busy making a noise between a scream and a cry. 

“Just hold on,” Steve muttered, talking and talking and talking to fill the void of silence Eddie was leaving, the chaos of the ticking clock that felt so wrong when Eddie was bleeding everywhere.

By the time they reached the trailer, Eddie’s breath was painfully quiet. It could only be heard when Steve stopped, a wrecked whisper. 

Steve came to a stop under the portal and looked up to see Dustin nervously waiting for them. 

“I grabbed everything that Nancy had in the cupboards and put it all in Eddie’s room. Do you want help getting him through or can you do it?” Dustin was rambling, the kid always did it when he was nervous.

“Just move out of the way. I’m going to climb up the rope, one second.” With no real choice, Steve dropped Eddie onto the ground as gently as he could, propping him against the wall and wincing at the choked gasp Eddie let out. “Eddie,” Steve said, but Eddie didn’t move. “Eddie,” Steve said, louder. He gripped the sides of Eddie’s bloody face and yelled, “Eddie!”

Eddie’s eyes opened, just barely. He lolled his head forward, suspended only by Steve’s palms on his cheeks. “Hurts.”

“I know,” Steve agreed, barely able to imagine what the pain in his stomach would feel like all over his body. “I just need one thing, man. Then I’ll do all the work. Just grab my shoulders and hold on tight. Please.”

“I don’t know…I just need to-to rest.”

“No! No resting!” Steve’s voice was giving out at every half breath, but he had to keep going. For Eddie. “Grab onto my shoulders and hold on tight. You’re going to do it. Got it, Munson?”

The fog in Eddie’s eyes cleared just a bit and Steve allowed himself a fraction of a second to let brown eyes meet. Then Eddie nodded and Steve turned around, feeling the tips of Eddie’s fingers on his shoulders. When he asked and Eddie nodded, Steve stood, letting Eddie’s legs wrap loosely around his waist. The bruises on Steve’s body cried for relief and his ankle screamed in pain, but beyond a grunt of agony he didn’t show any sign of it. Eddie’s arms wrapped around his neck and for all the abuse his throat had suffered so far, it was tired of getting choked.

But with the last dregs of Steve’s adrenaline, he hoisted himself onto the rope and climbed, feeling the pain of every inch gained and the lost hope that each second took. 

They made it to the top eventually and Steve could barely breathe but he could feel the weak flutter of Eddie’s heartbeat and it hurt far worse than anything else his body cried about. With one last heave, he twisted their bodies so he took the brunt of the pain and Eddie fell onto Steve. 

Dustin’s hands were on Eddie’s shoulders, pulling him off Steve’s back. Tears of involuntary pain leaked out onto the mattress and Steve allowed himself just one second of pain before rising to his hands and knees - bloodied and broken - and glancing over at Eddie. Dustin had Eddie in his arms and he was weeping again, tears flowing freely and Steve wished for the time to wipe the boy’s eyes and reassure him that it would be alright, but they didn’t have time. Too little time to even breathe, much less grieve. 

“Dustin,” Steve waited for Dustin to meet his eyes, “Go find a bowl and fill it with hot water. Bring it to Eddie’s room.” Dustin sniffed and rose, heading towards the tiny kitchen. Steve bent over Eddie’s body, helpless and vulnerable. He slipped one arm under Eddie’s neck and the other under his knees and stood, feeling the pain of his body set in further as the adrenaline faded. He staggered to Eddie’s room, bumping into the wall and cursing as Eddie’s head smacked it. He set Eddie on the bed gently, oh so careful not to disturb his wounds even more. He was still bleeding and his breath was faint. 

“Eddie,” Steve leaned over the bed, “Stay with me. Come on, man, just open your eyes and let me know you can hear me.”

Eddie blinked and his eyes were slivers of brown and black, dull pain laced in the veins of hazel running through the brown. Steve ran a hand through Eddie’s matted and bloody hair, pushing it off his face. Eddie’s hand was on his forearm, tapping lightly.

“I’m going to take care of you,” Steve promised for the millionth time and hoped that Eddie would live long enough for him to fulfill his promise, and that he would live long enough for Steve to say it over and over again. “I’ve got all the supplies that Nancy used to bandage me up and you’re going to be fine. I’m going to have to take off your clothes to clean you up,” Steve could feel heat in his cheeks, “But I promise I’ll keep my eyes strictly medical.”

The corners of Eddie’s mouth turned up barely, but Steve caught it and grinned in return. Dustin knocked on the doorjamb and came in, holding two bowls of hot water and a washrag. 

“There’s disinfectant and bandages and gauze and stuff on the dresser, I hope it’ll be enough. What do you want me to do, please I want to help.”

Steve ran a hand through his hair. “Find Max and Lucas and Erica. Make sure they’re safe. I’m worried this is more than Eddie. Keep them safe if they’re in danger. I’ll hold down the fort here.” Steve took the bowls from Dustin’s hands and placed them on the nightstand, clearing off a walkman and a stack of cassettes from it. He moved the medical supplies to the nightstand as well and by the time he turned around, Dustin was gone. The only sound was Eddie’s breath and Steve’s pounding heart. He grabbed a pair of scissors and sliced open the shirt. He wished he could say that he did a clean job, thorough and precise but the cut was jagged and frantic because Steve felt like he just couldn’t move fast enough. He pulled off Eddie’s jeans and boots, surveying the damage with horrified eyes. Pockmarks littering every spare inch of Eddie’s body from head to toe and blood covering everything that wasn’t an open wound. Blood rushed to Steve’s ears, making his vision blur. 

“God,” Steve whispered, unable to hold it in. He heard - distantly - Eddie whimper and looked up to see tears falling from his eyes. He sat on the side of Eddie’s bed and did his best to wipe Eddie’s tears, though with all the blood between them he probably just made his face dirtier.

“I don’t want to die,” Eddie admitted, “I want to graduate. I’m so scared, please Steve-”

“Eddie,” Steve said, leaning in close, “You are not going to die. I’m going to keep you alive. If it’s the last thing I do, I’ll keep you alive. Just fight to stay with me, please. I’ll keep you safe, you just can’t give in. Don’t let those bastards be the end of you.”

“N-never,” Eddie grimaced and Steve nodded, pulling away from him to dip the rag in the water and clean all the blood away. He heard the cries of pain from Eddie, meek and barely audible but clearly there. He heard under his hands the fluttering pulse of Eddie’s blood. He pushed everything out of his mind somewhat successfully and wiped all the blood that he could away, but more continued to ooze out. Fuck. He wasn’t a nurse, he didn’t know jackshit about first aid other than the lessons Nancy had given him before this and what she had done to him when he had this happen. Nonetheless, he tried to conjure an idea of what to do, pushing past the bubbling exhaustion in his body and the protests it cried when he ignored the pain and pushed forward, always caring, always protecting. 

He bandaged Eddie, starting with the worst of it on his torso. He washed the blood and grit out, doing his best with his limited knowledge of the human body. He wrapped the bandages and hoped it wasn’t too tight or too loose. Eddie wasn’t crying anymore, but Steve could feel his heart and that was enough for now. He wrapped his legs, feeling the push of skin on skin and when he reached Eddie’s arms he was gentle and patient. He felt the wounds on his forearms and saw the faint scars on his wrists but didn’t acknowledge them, just cradled Eddie’s hands and wrapped them up. He felt the tap of a finger on his hand and looked towards Eddie’s face, which bore the signs of tiredness and sadness and emotions Steve couldn’t bring himself to name. 

“Thank you,” Eddie whispered.

“You can thank me when this is all over,” Steve replied, moving to wrap gauze around Eddie’s throat, which was ringed red and certain to get worse before it got better. When Steve was done, Eddie was staring at him with reddened eyes and Steve lost himself a little in them. “Just promise me you won’t die in your sleep.”

“Pinkie promise,” Eddie said, holding up a trembling hand and though Steve hadn’t done a pinkie promise since he was six, he clasped their pinkies and bowed his head over their entwined hands. When he looked up, Eddie was asleep and Steve’s vision was going grey.

It was then that he heard a loud thump from the other side of the trailer and he stumbled blindly toward the portal. He could feel his body demand for rest and his brain losing excuses. He banged into the wall and his shoulder barked with pain. His ears were ringing and his vision was blurry but he could make out Robin and Nancy at the other end of the trailer, rushing towards him. 

“Steve, are you okay?” The voice was Robin’s and the hand on his bicep felt like Nancy’s. 

“Thank God you’re here,” Steve said, barely able to make his voice go any higher than a whisper, “Eddie got eaten and I tried to take care of him but I don’t know a goddamn thing about first aid so I just bandaged him up and I think he’s-he’s resting now.” 

“But what about you?” Nancy was looking at him and Steve couldn’t focus on her eyes. 

“Wha’ bout me?”

“You look terrible,” Robin blurted.

“I…what? No, it’s Eddie that needs help.”

“Steve, you’re bruised all over from the vines and your throat looks like hell and you have blood all over your knees and hands. It’s not just Eddie.”

Steve was losing it, he could feel his fingers scrabbling at reality. He made himself look directly into Nancy’s eyes and with everything he had left in him he said, “Don’t let Eddie die.” If there was one thing that couldn’t happen tonight, it was Eddie dying. Steve wouldn’t be able to live with himself if it wasn’t. 

Robin said something that echoed in his mind and made his ears buzz and that was the last thing he remembered. 

Steve woke up to a world of hurt, which every inch of his body smarting and screaming. He didn’t open his eyes, half afraid to open them and get a glimpse of a world without Eddie in it. But eventually he couldn’t keep his eyes closed any longer. He opened them, feeling the ache of fatigue itch at him already. He turned his head to the side and saw Eddie next to him, breathing steadily, if shallowly. 

“Eddie?” Steve croaked.

“Steve,” But the reply was from Nancy, who walked into the room and looked at him concernedly. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I was run over by a tractor,” Steve placed his hands under him and pushed up, leaning against the headboard. His hands and knees were bandaged. “How’s Eddie?”

“He’s…fine. He should live. I did everything I could, I cleaned and redressed his wounds, gave him lots of water when he woke up and we just have to hope it’s enough.”

“How long was I asleep?”

Nancy looked at a clock in the room, displaying the numbers 2:20. “About twelve hours. Robin and I got back at two and you passed out almost immediately.”

“Did you kill him?”

“Yeah,” Nancy ran her hands over her arms, which bore rings of bruises similar to the one around Steve’s arms, “I killed him.”

“I’m sorry I left.”

“Don’t be,” Nancy remarked, “Eddie wouldn’t be alive if you hadn’t gotten there in time.”

In time. It sure as hell didn’t feel like he got there in time. It felt like he was late. Late for this. Late for that. And he’d been late to save Eddie. He just had to hope it wasn’t too late.

“Were you the one who, um,” Steve gestured to his hands and knees. Nancy nodded. “Thank you.”

Steve turned, letting his legs slip out from under the sheets. His ankle was bandaged and clearly swollen.

“You only scraped your knees and hands, but your ankle was sprained mildly. I think it should get better in a few days. I have some more painkillers if yours are wearing off.”

“That sounds great,” Steve said, making to rise only to tremble and fall back onto the bed. Without a word, Nancy was there to let Steve sling his arm around her shoulder and use her as a crutch as he carried her into the kitchen. The portal was still there, glowing red, but it hadn’t expanded. Max was alive.

“Is everyone okay?” Steve asked, falling into a chair and watching Nancy make toast. Nancy explained what had happened while he was in the Upside Down and what happened when he passed out. Max had nearly died, but she’d pulled through at the last second. She was in some kind of coma, where Lucas and Dustin were watching her. Still no word from Joyce or Mike. Robin had sort of gotten stuck as an errand girl, running from CVS to the grocery store and everywhere in between to help everyone. Jason had died, not that Steve really cared. Nancy was playing nurse as best she could, mostly staying in Eddie’s trailer to watch over Steve and Eddie.

“Steve,” Nancy said when she was done, setting down two pieces of toast in front of him, “Did you mean what you said in the woods?”

Steve didn’t have to ask what she was referencing. And he hesitated in his response. A day ago, he would have said yes, that he meant it with everything he had in him. And now he floundered for an answer. Did he really want Nancy back? She was great, and the months with her were ones he cherished. But he’d had so much fun even without her, meeting Robin and going on a harrowing adventure in a Russian mall, working at a shitty video store and finding comfort in little moments. 

“I don’t know,” Steve said, “I mean, dating you was awesome. And I loved you. I don’t know, maybe I was just shooting my shot with another girl, because I haven’t had any luck lately and I can’t seem to put my heart into it but I want to love, you know? I want to care about somebody, to love them like the stories say. I just…I guess I reached out to you because you were there.”

Nancy stared at the table and scratched mindless shapes into the table with her nail. “You know, Steve, I’ve never seen you so scared than when I came back through the portal and you begged me to keep Eddie safe. The only time you’ve come close is when-”

“When you were in danger from the Demogorgon. I felt the same thing. I just had to…to be there. So that you wouldn’t get hurt. Even though I couldn’t really do anything because I hadn’t the faintest clue what was going on, I wanted to help you.”

“You’re such a hero. Even when you don’t have a clue.”

“It’s just my nature, I guess. I just saw Eddie and I couldn’t think about anything else except saving him. Keeping him alive, everything else was, like, secondary.”

“You could have died. You were already injured and then you went and pushed your body to the absolute limits.”

“Secondary,” Steve waved a hand nonchalantly, grimacing internally at the thought of him dying for someone he didn’t know very well at all.

“You’re really amazing,” Nancy broke eye contact with Steve, “And I still care about you a lot. I just think we weren’t right for each other back then and we won’t be right for each other now. Because as much as you’ve changed since we dated, I’ve changed too. And I don’t want this. I don’t think you do either.”

“No,” Steve admitted, “I’m sorry. And you and Johnathan are still dating and I don’t want to come between that since you guys are-you’re cute, you know?”

Nancy swallowed, offered a half smile. “Can I tell you a secret? Something I haven’t talked about at all, haven’t even tried to think about?”

“Of course,” Steve said.

“I think Johnathan wants to break up with me. And I don’t know why, but I feel like our relationship is just on borrowed time. Maybe it’s about college, I don’t know why it would be since it’s our dream to go to college together but-I don’t know, I just can’t shake the thought that we’re ending.”

“Hey, don’t say that. You guys will work it out, it’ll be-”

“To tell you the truth, I’m not even sure I want our relationship to work out. It’s hard dating someone long distance. You start to lose their face and all you have are letters and telephone calls and it’s so short for what you want. I don’t know if I want to keep dating. I don’t know if I want Johnathan to break up with me. I’m just so tired of everything, the secrets and the pretending and honestly I’m kind of sick of boys at this point,” Nancy glanced up from where her head was in her hands, smiling apologetically, “Sorry.”

Steve grinned back. “I get it. I’m sorry you have to deal with all this shit. You deserve to be happy, whether it’s alone or with Johnathan or with eight cats or fuck it, a girl. Right? It’s whatever.”

Nancy smiled in a shy way, reminiscent of the sophomore girl who was so awkward in her skin. “Right. You too, about the happiness thing. I hope you find someone. Whoever it ends up being.”

Steve reached for Nancy’s hand and clasped it. It felt like acceptance. It felt like love, different than before. It felt like they’d reached an understanding.

The next day, Mike, Eleven, Will and Johnathan arrived at Hawkins. And in all the chaos of meeting and taking care of business - the locals still believed the Occult was running rampant in their town - everyone was busy. Except for Steve and Eddie. They’d relocated to Steve’s parents house for the time being, since his parents were away and it was better to be as far from the chaos as possible, now that they didn’t need to be close to the portal. Eddie was still mostly comatose, occasionally waking up long enough to drink some water before falling asleep. Steve stayed by his side, worry digging a hole in his gut and preventing him from leaving. Dustin was in about the same position, but once Eleven had gotten back, it was easier to convince him to go. Steve could handle this. 

Steve refused to leave Eddie’s side and he wasn’t sure on what grounds this type of behavior was reasonable, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Not when stepping away from Eddie felt like a crime, like he was wronging both of them for it.

So he whiled away his time at his own bedside - because he’d given his bed to Eddie without hesitation and he’d moved the couch into his room and was sleeping there, so if Eddie so much as twitched Steve could be there. And whiling away his time meant a lot of introspection. A lot.

He couldn’t deny that there was something different about Eddie for long. Not that he didn’t try, he spent more than a few hours in his head arguing with himself and staying firmly in pleasant denial. But eventually the sun set and he looked up at Eddie’s sleeping face with his few-days-of-being-on-the-lam stubble and his curly hair and couldn’t help but admit his breath was stolen from him. Eddie wasn’t bleeding anymore, but anything that couldn’t be washed away with a sponge and a cloth was plastered firmly to his skin. And yet. Steve couldn’t stop staring, taking in every inch of him. 

He was nice looking. It felt like taboo to say or even think that he was handsome or sexy or beautiful. So Steve settled for nice looking. He hadn’t missed the muscles on his legs and arms, the soft part of his stomach and the firmness of his pecs when he was cleaning him. He had just pushed it out of his mind in favor of saving Eddie’s life. So yeah, Steve felt like he had a pretty good account on Eddie’s looks.

And, okay, sure. Finding out he liked dudes was not the highest on the list of weird things that had happened to him in the past few years. Even the past few weeks, really. He worked at a movie store, he could admit to himself that he wasn’t blind to Tom Cruise’s looks. Even if Robin was. However, admiring Tom Cruise’s body from a 22 inch TV was very different from realizing he found actual men within arm’s length attractive.

Weirder than realizing he liked guys was the idea that he liked Eddie. Eddie “The Freak” Munson was Steve’s sexual awakening. What a hand of cards. Steve wasn’t a man for the church, but if there was a God he sure dealt Steve his hand with a dry sense of humor.

Get born into a well off family. Sounds good so far. They’re always away from home which means your house is the place to be. Comes with some neglect but hey, Steve has lots of friends now. Any girl he wants is on the table for him. Now that’s something he can get behind, and he sure did. He did not hesitate. Get your life completely turned around by a girl whose brother’s best friend got abducted by an alien humanoid from a different dimension. Now hold on. Get dumped by your awesome girlfriend for the school perv. Graduate high school only to work at an ice cream shop in a mall secretly run by communists. Your best friends are now a fourteen year old and a lesbian. But wait, there’s more. The alternate dimension thing will come back into play and everyone you know and love will come within fingertip reach of death, including you. And to top it all off, you like guys now.

To be fair, “now” probably wasn’t the right term. Once Steve thought about it - and he had multiple days to think about it - he’s pretty sure he liked Tommy H. at one point in his life. And he did always think Billy was unfairly good looking when he played basketball. But it was still weird to think about. And now he had someone he liked in his bed, comatose because he’d nearly got eaten alive by flying alien bats.

Life sure had a way of keeping you on your toes.

He could tell this wasn’t a passing “they look good when they shoot hoops” kind of thing. It was like Nancy said. The last time he’d ever felt that desperation to keep someone safe was when he was dating Nancy. And by then he was almost positive he was in love with her. But he’d known Eddie for barely a few weeks and half of that was running for their lives. So Steve chalked it up to his basic instinct to protect people and called it a day. It was too early to call it anything other than attraction and Steve could only handle one existential crisis at a time, thank you very much. 

His thoughts kept him busy for days, whether he was eating or trying to sleep on an uncomfortable couch or studying Eddie’s face. But it was really all he had, besides daily check ins from Dustin which grew more worried by the day.

When Eddie’s breathing shifted, Steve looked up immediately. He waited for what felt like years before Eddie’s eyes opened, revealing that soft brown Steve was coming to appreciate more and more. He smiled weakly and Steve couldn’t stop himself from returning it.

“Hey Stevie,” Eddie said, voice hoarse from disuse and injury, “How’ve you been?”

Steve barked out a surprised laugh. “How have I been? How have you been, is the real question?”

“Tired. Sore. Feels like I died.”

“You almost did,” Steve said, embarrassed at the way his voice gave out. He cleared his throat roughly. “What the fuck did I tell you about running and not being a hero?”

“I know,” Eddie glanced away, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Steve said, cursing at himself for his inability to say the right things. He resisted the urge to touch Eddie’s arm. “I’m just glad you’re alive. You had me worried sick.”

“The good news is you’re still as handsome as ever, so I suppose it’s not all bad.”

“Shut up, Munson,” Steve stood, fighting the pink in his cheeks. “Do you want some water? I can make you some breakfast?”

“All of that sounds great,” Eddie said, flinching when he tried to put weight on his hands, “But I can barely move, much less stand.”

“I’ll just carry you,” Steve shrugged, realizing the implication of that the second it passed his lips. “I mean, if you’re okay with that, obviously I’m not going to like, hitch you over my shoulder and carry you down the stairs or anything.”

Eddie let Steve ramble himself to the point of embarrassment before he raised an eyebrow and lifted his hands. Steve took the hint and lifted Eddie, grunting at the weight of a fully grown man in his arms. Eddie clasped his hands around Steve’s neck, gently. Steve walked down the stairs, ignoring the lingering pain in his arms and the protests that told him he hadn’t been working out enough recently. He deposited Eddie into a chair, looking up at him once he’d set him down to make sure he hadn’t hurt him.

“Water,” Steve reminded himself, pulling away from Eddie to fill a glass. 

“So who’s house is this?” Eddie looked around. 

“It’s my parents.”

“Yours?” Eddie smiled wryly. “Why the hell are you working at Family Video if your parents own a little mini-mansion?”

“Independent, I guess. As independent as you can be when you’re taking one of three spare rooms. I hope to have enough to move out. One day.”

“You and me both,” Eddie said, reaching for the water and flinching. Steve didn’t help, mostly because when he reached out Eddie flashed him a glare. “I love my uncle, but a man has to have a place of his own.”

“Yeah,” Steve said, hearing the echoes of deadbeat and good for nothing ringing in his ears. He examined the whorls of the wooden table for a few seconds before realizing that he had Eddie in front of him.

“So, what happened? That night. I mean I remember almost dy-” Eddie’s voice pitched up and he cleared his throat, “dying to those bat things. And Dustin was there. You were too. I’m not really sure what else happened.”

“I carried you back to the trailer. Took care of you as best I could, Nancy filled in the gaps a bit. Brought you to my house when I got the chance and we’ve been here since.”

“You?”

“Yeah?” Steve raised his eyebrows. “What about me?”

“I just…I didn’t know you cared.”

I didn’t either. “I couldn’t let you die.”

“Thank you,” Eddie said and he sounded so sincere, like nobody had ever extended him the courtesy of caring. It sort of hurt, a little. That Eddie was so shocked he wasn’t just left to die. 

“Of course, man. We have to stick together. We’re the oldest of all those idiots, I can’t babysit them on my own.”

“Me? Babysit?” And the smile had returned to Eddie’s face. “There’s no way in hell I’m going to co-parent those brats with you. I can barely handle Dustin most days. Besides, they all like you better.”

“Give them some time. They’ll warm up.”

Eddie shook his head, grinning. “Weren’t you going to make me some breakfast? What’s a guy gotta do to get some goddamn food around here?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Steve rose, turning to the fridge and pulling out a carton of eggs and cheese, “I hope you like scrambled eggs. I swear to God, I’m turning into everyone’s mother around here.”

Steve cooked in silence. He didn’t know much about cooking, but all the years of dinners alone had taught him a thing or two about making do with what was in the pantry. Eddie didn’t make a single sound while Steve worked, so much so that he turned around multiple times to make sure he hadn’t faded away. 

When he set the food in front of Steve, Eddie was slow at first to pick up the fork. It sort of startled Steve, how a man who made so much noise, attracted so much attention could be so out of place in Steve’s house. But once he’d had his first bite Eddie didn’t stop. Steve just sipped some orange juice and tried not to get caught staring.

“So where can a guy get a shower around here?” Eddie said, gesturing to the grime all over his body. He was clad in a loose shirt and sweatpants that Steve had wrangled onto him while he slept. “I still have Upside Down goo on me.”

Steve gestured up the stairs and Eddie pushed away from the table, wincing in visible pain. He was unsteady and clearly shaking. Steve was there in an instant, pulling Eddie’s arm over his shoulder and bearing most of the weight.

“I can walk myself, you know,” Eddie huffed. 

“Like hell you can. At least let me bring you to the bathroom.”

“You want to shower with me? Come on, at least take me on a date first.” The joke would have landed a little better had it not been punctuated by a clear sound of pain as they walked up the stairs. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Steve rolled his eyes, “Don’t get ahead of yourself. I’m not going to shower with you. I am going to sit on the other side of the curtain so that if you start bleeding out again I can be there.”

“Never thought I’d live to see the day when Steve ‘The Hair’ Harrington was the only thing keeping me from collapsing on his stairs and he’d offered to shower with me.”

“Well, I never thought I’d live to see the day that Eddie ‘The Freak’ Munson almost died in my arms. But here we are.”

Eddie threw back his head and laughed, a throaty sort of sound that startled Steve. “We sure do make an odd pair.” Steve chuckled dryly and heaved Eddie up the last of the stairs, directing him toward the bathroom. Steve left to grab clothes from his closet that he hoped would fit Eddie. Realistically, they were about the same size so he had options. He settled for a Madonna shirt - partially because he knew it would make Eddie upset to wear - and his other pair of sweatpants. He grabbed a pair of clean black boxers and left the room feeling heat rising to his cheeks unbidden.

The shower was already running and Steve could make out Eddie’s outline behind the curtain. His dirty clothes were in a pile next to the sink. Steve set the clean clothes down next to them, feeling the blush get hotter as he sat on the toilet seat. 

His leg bounced absentmindedly and the only sound was the spray of the shower and the low sound of Eddie humming a song. It was just Steve and Eddie, separated only by a thin curtain and if it were to fall away Steve would see his naked body. He had already seen it, he knew what was beyond that sheet of fabric. So it was just Steve and his imagination led by the hands of experience. Eddie’s broad shoulders, the slight curve of his waist and the swell of his thighs, his arms which spoke of a person who liked to stay active. Steve felt something coil in his gut at his hands, bigger than any girl’s. And he could see the pleasure in having bigger hands than his partners, but he could admit to himself that the thought of broad hands touching him sounded good. Really good. And it was just Steve, with a sweater and jeans and Eddie just next to him, wearing absolutely nothing and-

Fuck. 

Fuck.

Steve was half hard when he looked down and felt panic rise to his ears. He closed his eyes, as if not seeing it would make it go away. He was panting, panicky breaths that escaped his lips before he could react.

“Steve,” Eddie’s voice floated around Steve’s ears and fuck that did not help anything, “Doing alright, pal?”

Steve didn’t reply, just opened the bathroom door and left as fast as he could. He fell against the wall outside the door, chest heaving. His head fell between his knees and he felt his mind spin out of control.

Think unsexy thoughts. Think unsexy thoughts. Those lawn chairs by the pool that always give you weird lines on your legs. Summer weather that makes your shirt stick to your back and you just want to take it off-

Unsexy thoughts. Unsexy thoughts. Steve slowed his breathing, and eventually he got himself under control. It wasn’t until that final deep breath when he realized the shower had stopped and Eddie was standing above him. Wearing his clothes.

“Sorry,” Steve breathed, “How long were you standing there?”

“I just got here,” Eddie replied and Steve sighed in internal relief. “What’s wrong?”

“Oh, Nancy called. Just updating me on stuff.” Steve was obviously lying through his teeth but if Eddie noticed he didn’t say anything.

“Right,” Eddie sat down on the floor cross legged, “What happened while I was asleep?”

It was a day or two after Eddie woke up that Hopper showed up at the house. After a brief explanation to Eddie that the mall fire was not in fact a mall fire, and the police chief did not die to said mall fire, Eddie was still jittery in Hopper’s presence.

“I just don’t really do cops, man,” Eddie whispered when Hopper went to another room for a few minutes, “Bad experiences.”

“Hopper is cool. I’ve seen him do some pretty cool stuff and he’s chill. Try to relax, dude, you’re creeping the shit out of me,” Steve sat on the couch, waiting for Eddie to do the same, albeit more tentatively.

Hopper came back and talked with them for a bit about the past events, just getting their account of what went on. And then he moved onto the more nitty gritty of it.

“We’re going to move your uncle to a different trailer. Owens is getting some hush money for all of us and he’s going to get your uncle a new trailer. Since yours is destroyed.” 

“Can I see him?” Eddie asked.

The police chief looked at Eddie, who audibly swallowed. Hopper pulled out a cigarette and Eddie’s fingers twitched, as if itching for one himself. Hopper lit it and sighed. “Yeah, I don’t see why not. You just can’t tell him any of this shit, yeah? He works the night shift?”

“Yeah,” Eddie said, “I don’t see what that has to do with anything.”

“Nothing, it’s just…people are talking about how it might not be good to have you alone for long periods of time. Same with Max. I talked with Joyce and Owens and they want to rent out a place for you. And another one for Max and her mom.”

“If I’m going to have my own home, I’ll just be even more alone than I would be with my uncle.”

Hopper looked between Steve and Eddie. “The apartment would be for both of you,” He said as if it was obvious. “Steve, you don’t have a place of your own, correct?”

“No, sir,” Steve shifted in his seat.

“Yeah,” Hopper’s voice was muffled by the cigarette, “You both just share an apartment. Two birds with one stone.”

Steve glanced over at Eddie and found him already looking at him. “What do you think?”

“I mean, he’s not wrong. I think if I went back to that trailer park for too long I would lose my mind. What’s left of it, anyway. And who knows, maybe we’ll be the best of friends.”

Steve scoffed, but he couldn’t deny the logic of it all. He exhaled and tilted his head up to the sky. “When would we move?”

Weeks later, Eddie pulled up in his van to a two bedroom house rented out under a Samuel Owens. Steve was already in the driveway with his car, moving his boxes into the house. Eddie only had a handful of boxes: some records he never put to use because he didn’t have a record player, a box of clothes and a box of miscellaneous junk he’d put in a box. His guitar was slung over his shoulder and we winked at Steve as he passed him with his boxes and into the door. 

Oh yeah, Steve thought as he pulled the last of his stuff out of his trunk, rooming with my crush was a great idea. How could this go wrong?

As the weeks continued to pass, the town finally seemed to quiet down. The portals sealed themselves eventually, the government intervened and found a convenient scapegoat in the Hawkins Lab once again. Steve didn’t really pay much attention to the rest of the town once Eddie’s name was cleared. He just kept an eye on the kids, listened to Robin’s nonstop chatter and kept on with his life as usual. Eddie finally saw his uncle and though he didn’t tell him anything, he was obviously relieved to see Wayne. Dustin was at their house frequently, whether to play DnD or watch TV mindlessly with Steve. 

One thing noticeably changed, though, besides the obvious town getting turned upside down in chaos. Robin stopped needing a ride home from work. Instead, Nancy was there after nearly every shift and took her home. And she took her home from school too. Robin also didn’t talk nearly as much about Vicky. Steve missed her loud company in the car, but it was fun to watch Robin get pink in the cheeks everytime Nancy pulled up, and it was nice to see Nancy wave timidly as she stepped out of the car to greet Robin. 

Coincidentally, Nancy broke up with Johnathan when he left for California again. Steve refrained from teasing - mostly. He couldn’t resist the occasional jibe about their recent closeness, but considering his current position, he didn’t really have much ground to stand on. 

Eddie went back to school once he was fully recovered - or close enough to it - and despite the glares and gossip, he seemed to be doing well. He got a job at Radioshack, which meant most of the time he went straight from school to work and got home late at night. Steve made dinner for himself, having nabbed a few cookbooks from his mother’s stash. He left a plate full of leftovers for Eddie and set it aside for Eddie to eat every night. Eddie didn’t comment on it, but the one time Steve didn’t do it Eddie pretended to be offended so much that Steve’s cheeks turned pink. He grumbled about Eddie’s incapabilities but set aside food for him to warm up every night after that. 

Eddie had let Steve know about prom, but mostly in the context of some sort of party Mike Wheeler and his friends had planned. Steve had asked about prom and gotten a long winded rant about the ridiculous charade of high school dances and the nonsense mating rituals they ascribed to. Or something like that. Steve had sort of gotten lost in the words, too focused on the way Eddie’s hair bounced when he thumped his fist on the counter. 

But Robin was going to prom with Nancy, a fact she had not neglected to mention while they worked. She seemed excited. Steve was internally crossing his fingers for the both of them, though he couldn’t really explain what he was hoping for.

So Steve wiled his night away watching TV and when the phone rang, he wanted to ignore it but he couldn’t stop the nagging sensation that he needed to answer it.

He was glad he did.

He pulled up to the Hawkins Penthouse twenty minutes later to find a shivering Robin on the sidewalk, arms curled around her stomach and water dripping down her face.

She climbed into the car trembling from the cold, staring at the floor. Steve reached for the hoodie splayed over the back of the car and draped it over her shoulders.

“Are you okay?”

Robin took a shaky breath. “Can you just drive me home?”

Steve looked at Robin for another moment before he turned to the road and stepped on the gas.

The car was silent except for the tap of rain. They approached a red light and Steve finally brought himself to break the silence. “What happened?”

Robin took her fingers out from where they were buried in her hair and looked haunted by ghosts Steve couldn’t see. “Steve, I think I’m a little in love.”

Steve didn’t notice the light was green until he heard the person behind him honk. “Oh,” he said, accelerating. 

“Yeah,” Robin’s voice was broken, “Oh.”

“How long?”

“I don’t know, but I just slow danced alone with her and all I can think about is how she said it doesn’t mean anything. Like it was just a slow dance on the roof for the sake of slow dancing on the roof. And for me it was a slow dance on the roof with the prettiest girl I’ve ever met.”

Steve couldn’t stop thinking about the past weeks, where Nancy would always smile at Robin like she put the stars in the sky while she waited for Robin to put on her jacket and come out to meet her. How Robin always fought a smile when Nancy’s name came up. 

“For the record, I think she-”

“Don’t, Steve,” Robin tilted her head to Steve, eyes heavy with exhaustion. Her shivering had at least eased. “Don’t give me that.”

“Okay,” Steve whispered, “I’m sorry.”

“God,” Robin thudded the back of her head against the seat, “I hate being gay.”

She sounded so defeated. Steve had never heard her sound hopeless before.

“It’s going to be okay, Robin,” Steve rested a hand on her shoulder as they pulled into her driveway, “It’ll get better.”

Robin didn’t look convinced, but she let Steve pull her into a hug for a long few minutes. He rubbed her back and pushed her damp lank hair out her eyes. “Just promise me you won’t do anything stupid tonight.”

Robin looked taken aback. “I-I won’t.”

“Good,” Steve pulled her in for one last hug. “If you need anything just call.”

“Thank you.” And Robin stepped out of the car up to her front porch, Steve’s jacket still hung around her shoulders.

Steve went back to his house and though he turned on the TV, he didn’t really focus on it. It wasn’t until Eddie turned the keys and walked through the door that he realized it was nearly midnight. 

“Dude,” Eddie flopped onto the couch, “The weirdest thing happened as I was leaving.”

“Hm,” Steve hummed, still lost in a world of concern for Robin.

“I went out to my car after the campaign ended and lo and behold, Nancy Wheeler is sitting with her car in the driveway, wiping tears from her eyes. I go to check on her, make sure she didn’t get a cancer diagnosis at prom and she pulls me into this really tight hug for a couple seconds and then walks up to her front porch.” Eddie paused for a moment while Steve absorbed the information of a distraught Nancy. “Did something happen, do you know?”

“Yeah, I picked Robin up from the dance. She seemed pretty upset.”

“I hope those kids are okay,” Eddie mused, resting his head on the arm of the couch.

“Yeah,” Steve sighed, “Me too.”

Time passed, and at first Steve drove Robin home from school again. She was dead silent and looked like she hadn’t been eating. But after less than a week she told Steve that Nancy was taking her home with a bright smile. And it didn’t escape Steve’s notice when Nancy walked into the back of Family Video at the end of Robin’s shift and they both came out a little flushed.

One evening, when Eddie didn’t have work and the two of them were eating dinner together, Eddie stopped eating and asked, “What’s going on between Robin and Nancy?”

“Huh?” Steve asked, mouth full of potatoes. 

“Well, first of all I make this big effort to make a nice speech about your ex-girlfriend only for absolutely nothing to come out of it. What’s up with that?”

“I don’t know,” Steve said, picking at his food with his fork, “I think we’re just better as friends. She still had a boyfriend at the time when we were fighting all Vecna and all the Upside Down shit, anyway.”

“Had?”

“Yeah, she broke up with him, I guess. But it’s whatever, I mean we dated for what? A year in high school? She’s cool, but I just…I dunno.” Steve heaped potatoes in his mouth, confident that he had articulated the situation to Eddie. “Besides, she and Robin have this whole thing going on-”

Steve glanced up, realizing that it was Eddie he was talking to, a human being with opinions of his own. He floundered, swallowed his potatoes and tried to recover. “I mean they’re like best friends and I think it’s good to let Nancy have fun with people other than guys and, like, it’s good. Me and Nancy, we’re good.”

“Relax, Stevie Wonder-”

“Stevie Wonder?” 

“I’ve seen how those two look at each other in class and stuff. I mean it’s not super obvious, but anyone with a set of eyes and a knack for noticing can tell they’re not exactly the model for ‘just friends.’ Plus, on the night of prom, Robin was looking at Nancy like she had given her the moon.” Eddie winked at Steve like they shared some sort of secret and he supposed that now, they did.

Steve shook his head, a smile forming on his lips. “Idiots. Are they that obvious?”

“Not really. I just have the innate ability to parse out things like that. It’s not too difficult.”

Steve glanced at his food, wondering if Eddie could tell with him. Was there a way to tell if people were gay that he was missing? Like a handshake or a secret code like putting your hair in a ponytail or did they smell different?

“So, you don’t care?”

“Nah, why would I care? I mean, it’s sort of,” Eddie’s hand flew to the handkerchief he kept in his back pocket and he paused, “It’s none of my business, you know? It doesn’t affect me.”

Steve nodded, and that was that. For some reason, he left that interaction more confused than when he began it. He made a mental note to tell Robin that she and Nancy were not subtle, but he couldn’t resist a smile at the thought of those two. They would be good together. Nancy would let Robin talk her ear off and Robin would probably do anything Nancy asked, she was so smitten.

It’s funny how the world works sometimes.

Eddie didn’t work Saturdays or Sundays, which meant that everytime Steve came home from his shift on the weekends, he could hear Eddie’s guitar playing through the door, but it always stopped as soon as he inserted his key.

Eventually Steve got sick of the way Eddie was obviously walking on eggshells around him when it came to music and walked through the door to tell him, “You don’t have to stop playing just because I’m home. I don’t care if you play your music.”

“Yeah?” Eddie looked at Steve and then at the guitar in his lap.

“Play whatever you like, you metalhead freak.”

“Don’t tempt me. I’ll rock the walls off this house.”

Steve walked into the kitchen to grab a Coke and heard the tones of the guitar from behind him. They were slow, at first, just a few chords. But by the time Steve came back into the living room to collapse on the couch, Eddie was strumming out a beat that Steve had heard somewhere, but couldn’t place. Eddie was humming quietly with the guitar or vocalizing little “oohs” before humming again. 

It was nice. Eddie’s voice was pretty, floating around his ears and filling his head with music that made his leg bounce absentmindedly. Steve sighed, relaxing after an eight hour shift where Robin didn’t stop talking and customers didn’t stop rolling in. 

Eventually the song stopped and Steve asked, “What was that song?”

Eddie was silent for a long time and when Steve opened his eyes to look at him, he had his mouth open and eyebrows raised. “Are you fucking serious, Harrington?”

“Yeah,” Steve said, scowling, “We’re not all metalheads.”

“Sure, but you don’t know KISS? Dude,” Eddie leaned forward, “That’s a crime. In some countries you could go to jail for not knowing who they are.”

“Like what countries?” Steve defied.

“Eddieland. If you went to Eddieland and told them you didn’t know the song I just played, you would be sent to jail immediately. No trial.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Steve scoffed, taking a sip of his drink, “Just tell me what song you played.”

“Tell you what. I have the album on record. Tomorrow I’ll go buy a record player and I’ll spin it for you and you can enjoy the magic of true music.”

“My music-”

“Your music is shit. Metal is the superior genre and you better get used to it if we’re roommates.”

Steve rolled his eyes but didn’t complain when Eddie came home with a record player and 20 dollars worth of records. He spun records for Steve all night and danced to them, playing along with the guitar in the song or just bopping his head. He played Motley Crue, Def Leppard, Van Halen and everything in between. Finally he played the record from the song he’d played for Steve the night earlier. The song ended up being I Was Made For Lovin’ You, and Steve couldn’t help but think of Eddie when it played. 

Steve woke up one morning before Eddie. It surprised him because Eddie had school and was usually out of the house by the time Steve woke up. But he rolled out of bed and made some food for himself. He ate it quietly, and that was when he heard it.

The same wrongness, the same difference to the world that he’d felt when Eddie had almost died. He stood, knocking his chair over but it made no sound when it hit the floor.

He rushed to Eddie’s door, right next to his and knocked frantically. When no sound came, he opened the door and found Eddie lying flat on his back, staring at the ceiling. As Steve approached, Eddie’s eyes were glassy and blood slowly oozed from his body, pooling on the bed and in the carpet and there was entirely too much blood for one person.

“Eddie!” Steve shouted, leaning over Eddie and shaking his shoulders. Panic filled his body from head to toe, and all he could do was shake Eddie and scream his name over and over again. Eddie looked over to him and his unblinking eyes started to bleed, pouring out onto the sheets. Steve was drowning in the blood, so much blood and Eddie was dead. All Steve could do was scream out his name-

“Eddie!” Steve shouted and sat up straight in his bed.

“What’s wrong?” Eddie was standing in his doorway, bag in hand and staring at him with wide eyes. 

Steve was shaking, barely able to sit up with the horror of what he’d just seen. He looked at his trembling hands and clenched them. “I just saw you die,” he said. He was half surprised that words came out at all and half surprised that the words were so quiet.

“Oh,” Eddie dropped his bag in the doorway, coming to sit down on the edge of Steve’s bed. “It was just a nightmare, right? Not some sort of prophecy or-or anything?”

“It was just a nightmare,” Steve couldn’t bring himself to look at Eddie, half afraid that if he looked he would see bloody eyes, “It felt so real, though. I thought you were…that you had actually died.”

Eddie’s hand came to rest on Steve’s shoulder. He flinched away from it, but when Eddie made to pull away he clamped it back down on his shoulder with his hand. When he looked at Eddie his eyes were still pretty brown, though quite serious. He rubbed his thumb absentmindedly on Steve’s shoulder.

“Well, I can promise you that I’m very alive and real.” Steve glanced away, still shaking with fear and guilt that he couldn’t save Eddie in his dreams. “Steve. Pretty boy,” he said when his name didn’t work to get Steve’s attention, “I’m here. Not going anywhere. Except school I guess.”

Steve studied Eddie’s face, allowing himself the privilege he didn’t get much of looking at every inch of his face. He had clearly just shaved this morning, and his hair was messy and long and ridiculous and Steve wanted to bury his hands in it. Fuck. He reached out and barely registered he was doing it until his fingers brushed the side of Eddie’s neck, where a scar in the shape of a star rested. 

He pulled Eddie in for a desperate hug before he could convince himself not to and sighed shakily, pushing the feeling of tears away. “God,” Steve said, his voice breaking. “This sucks.”

“You’re telling me,” Eddie said, bringing his hands up Steve’s back and holding him close, “I can’t get rid of the nightmares either.”

“I just want to have things go back to normal,” Steve couldn’t bring himself to be embarrassed about being so vulnerable with Eddie, not when he’d just seen him die again.

“Me too,” Eddie said, trailing his fingers up Steve’s spine like wings of butterflies, “me too.”

Though Steve was haunted by his fair share of nightmares, they’d clearly been bothering Eddie more lately. Maybe it was the looming heat of summer that late May brought, but they’d clearly been getting worse lately. The bags under Eddie’s eyes looked like bruises, but Steve was so terrible with words and comfort he didn’t know what to say or how to help. So he just watched as Eddie trudged to bed earlier and with more exhaustion in his eyes than Steve had seen since he had almost died.

One night, the straw that broke the camel’s back finally came. It was heard throughout the house with a scream and a crash that woke Steve from his sleep. He stumbled out of bed and towards the bathroom, where the sound had come from.  Afraid to scare Eddie, he knocked quietly. “Eddie?” Steve asked. When there was no answer, he opened the door and couldn’t help the shocked exhale he let out.

Eddie was standing shirtless in front of the mirror, cracks stemming from the center and out towards the edges, growing into spiderweb thin strands the farther out they were. Eddie was leaning over the sink, blood sliding down from his knuckles. He was panting, great heaving breaths that almost sounded like sobs.

“Hey,” Steve said, surprised by the kindness in his voice. Eddie flinched, looked away from him. There were strands of long curly hair in the sink. Steve reached out a hand, slow and careful not to scare. There was a long moment where it was just Steve’s hand on Eddie’s arm before Eddie turned around and stepped into his arms, shaking like a leaf. He wasn’t crying, but he looked so shaken that he might as well have been. It must have been a nightmare, he’d never seen Eddie so distraught. 

Steve let them stay like that for a minute or two before he pulled back, reaching for Eddie’s bloody hand. “Let’s get you cleaned up, alright?”

Steve led Eddie to the kitchen table, where he sank into the chair with wide eyes that stared into absolutely nothing. He grabbed from the medicine cabinet some disinfectant and bandages. When he came back, Eddie was rocking back and forth, breaths hitching at every other inhale.

“Hey,” Steve put his hand on the side of Eddie’s neck, “Breathe, dude. You have to breathe.” He pressed his forehead to Eddie’s, spurred on by instinct. “Just breathe for five seconds. One, two, three, four, five.” Steve led Eddie until his breath relaxed and he was still shaking, but the rocking had stopped. He pulled away from Eddie and knelt, drawing Eddie’s hand into his own. He cleaned the blood away, glancing up at Eddie to see a reaction but finding only an empty stare.

“What happened?” Steve asked, pulling out a tube of disinfectant. Eddie looked down at him and Steve stopped what he was doing. He just looked up at him. 

“I had a nightmare. Woke up and couldn’t breathe, felt like I was having a heart attack or some shit,” Eddie ran his hand through his hair, exhaling with an unsteady rhythm, “Heart was pounding and I had trouble moving and I got to the bathroom and the scars just…they’re so awful. I couldn’t stand it anymore.”

“I get it,” Steve said, and he did. He knew what it felt like to look at your marred body and feel like it wasn’t your own. The feeling that you didn’t recognize yourself and it was someone else entirely standing in front of that mirror. Some stranger who took your name and your face. “It sucks.”

Eddie was staring at his hand while Steve wrapped it, flexing it when he was done. Steve didn’t stand, just knelt at Eddie’s feet. For some reason, it felt like standing would ruin everything. “I dreamt that Chrissy died again. Only this time, I’d been told to do it. And when I reached out and touched her, I was the one who lifted her in the air, who made her body break like that and I wanted to stop but h-he told me I had to. I had to kill her.” Eddie had tears rolling down his cheeks but he didn’t move to wipe them away. With the hand that wasn’t cradling Eddie’s own bleeding one, Steve reached up and wiped the tears away. Eddie looked worlds away and he didn’t even react to Steve touching his face. 

“It’s not your fault, her dying,” Steve felt like the words were pathetic, coming out of his mouth.

“I brought her to my trailer.”

“She would have died anyway,” Steve replied and he winced internally, hoping that wasn’t the most horrible thing to say. It was the truth, though.

A choked noise escaped Eddie’s lips. Steve realized that there were no more tears, yet his hand was still on Eddie’s face. He let it fall, but couldn’t bring himself to let go of Eddie’s hand. “I wish I could have done something.”

“I’m sorry. It’s not your fault,” Steve said, because he didn’t know what else to say. He stood, finally, his knees aching slightly from the hardwood. He let Eddie’s hand fall limply onto his thigh. He cursed himself for not knowing what the fuck to say about any of this. With a glance back to a silent shell of Eddie, he turned to the bathroom to put everything away and to clean up what mess remained in the bathroom. He removed the mirror from the wall and set it on the ground. Swept up the shards and blood with the rag and washed the hair down the sink. By the time he came back, Eddie was gone, disappeared back into his room.

Steve knocked on the bedroom door, because he couldn’t resist the urge to take care of him, to keep him safe. He walked in and found Eddie sitting on his bed, staring at his hands with dull eyes.

“Is there anything else you need?” Steve asked, stepping towards Eddie. Eddie didn’t react at first and Steve was about to leave when he spoke, broken and ragged.

“Can you stay with me?” Eddie asked. It sounded like he hadn’t even meant to say it because when he looked up at Steve he was already backtracking. “I mean, you don’t have to and - it’s fine, just go to bed.” Eddie turned back to his hands, leaving Steve standing there shocked.

But Steve would keep Eddie safe at all costs. He’d vowed it that night. If keeping him safe meant sleeping in the same bed, so be it. There were worse things. Steve climbed to the other side of the bed, laying on his back next to the wall. Eddie watched him and when Steve asked, “Like this?” Eddie nodded and laid down next to him. They lay in awkward silence, both of them staring at the ceiling until Eddie rolled on his side and looked at Steve.

“This fucking sucks,” Eddie said, and Steve rolled over to face him. “I hate this.”

“Me too,” Steve agreed, wondering what kind of sick force would do this to Eddie. To him. To fucking children. But he and Eddie looked at each other, not saying a word, just looking. And Steve felt sleep dragging him along soon enough.

By morning, Steve woke up with his chest to Eddie’s back and their legs and arms mingled with each other, breathing in tandem. 

Steve pulled away from Eddie out of shock, face immediately turning scarlet. Eddie turned around to face him, the sleep quickly falling away when he realized what had happened.

“Sorry,” Eddie said, face also turning red.

Steve cleared his throat, unable to meet Eddie’s eyes. “It’s fine,” he croaked. 

They didn’t talk all the rest of the morning. But Steve couldn’t shake the fact that it was the best sleep he’d gotten in ages.

The next night, Steve lay staring at the ceiling when he heard a knock on his door and Eddie slipped inside without waiting for an answer. He climbed into the empty half of the bed and faced away from Steve.

“Don’t say a word,” Eddie said with anger in his tone. 

“I wasn’t going to,” Steve said, realizing as he said it the truth of the words. 

“Good,” Eddie humphed and Steve could hear the frustration. “It’s just that I slept better than I have in months with you there.”

“That’s fine,” Steve replied, stunned by the gentility of his words, “If it means you don’t have nightmares, I’m fine with it.” More than fine was the correct answer, but Steve couldn’t say that much to Eddie. He couldn’t tell him that he wanted to wake up next to Eddie every morning, and fall asleep next to him every night. So he watched as the rise and fall of Eddie’s back grew more steady and it wasn’t long before he fell asleep too.

It became a sort of unspoken rule that Eddie would climb into Steve’s bed at night. Every night they would fall asleep with plenty of distance, but by morning they were pressed against each other. Back to chest, with arms around waists and calves linked. Or it was one curled up against the other, hands finding their way into hair and chests pressed together. The first few days it happened they sprang apart, red in the face and flustered. But before long it became normal. Eddie would wake up first, then Steve would wake up by the lack of Eddie’s presence as he slipped out of Steve’s room to get ready for school. But on weekends - growing to be Steve’s favorite part of his week - they would wake up lazily, with smiles that shot straight through Steve’s heart and sleepy huffs in protest of the sunlight. Eddie still occasionally had nightmares but they were a lot fewer and far between. Besides, Steve was always there if Eddie did have them, ready to care for him and keep him safe from the demons as best he could.

Neither of them never really acknowledged it, it just became so normal between them. Until one night, Eddie stood in the doorway of Steve’s room, lingering. 

“What’s wrong?” Steve asked, glancing at Eddie shifting back and forth in the doorway.

Eddie didn’t answer for a long moment before he blurted, “I sleep with my shirt off.”

Steve looked at Eddie. Raised his eyebrows. “Okay?”

“I just…I’ve been wearing a shirt for the past few weeks because I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable but it’s really itchy and fuck it, right, I mean I’ve already lost all my dignity in coming to you because I can’t sleep without you so I might as well strip myself of my dignity even more.”

Steve was stunned silent for a few seconds before he shrugged and said, “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah, whatever,” Steve swallowed like he wasn’t entirely fixated on the idea of seeing Eddie shirtless. “I don’t care. Sleep with your shirt off, whatever. It doesn’t matter to me.”

Eddie nodded out of the corner of his eye and left the room. When he came back, he was shirtless. His scars were tinted pink, littering most of his torso and Steve saw them, but mostly he couldn’t stop looking at Eddie himself. Biceps, waist, the curve of his stomach, his collarbones and Jesus Christ was Steve some sort of Victorian maiden? Did he need a chaperone? Get a hold of yourself, Harrington.

“You can stop staring, I know the scars are bad,” Eddie said, lips downturned. His cheeks were red with embarrassment and Steve felt a blush of his own at being caught.

“I’m just glad they’re healing so well,” Steve admitted, “It’s not that bad. Nothing I haven’t seen before on my own body, anyway.”

“Right,” Eddie huffed as though he’d forgotten Steve had also come close to getting eaten. Steve’s fingers lingered on the hem of his shirt, catching on the slightly raised skin. “Can I see?”

“What?” 

“Can I see? I want to compare our scars.”

“You want to…” Steve scoffed and didn’t bother to finish his sentence, “Just admit you want to see me shirtless, Munson.”

Munson grinned, a wild thing that Steve saw more with Dustin than in these quiet moments. “You’ve seen me shirtless. Seems only fair to return the favor.”

Steve didn’t bother to correct Eddie and tell him he’d seen Eddie’s whole body, that he was the one who dressed him. If it hadn’t occurred to him by now, no reason to declare it. Without another word of protest, Steve tugged at the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head. 

Eddie was staring openly and Steve was about to make a sarcastic comment about who’s staring at who’s scars now when Eddie said, “You’ve been hitting the gym. Or maybe it’s that Upside Down routine.”

“Yeah, I mean, you never know when some evil demon is going to try and bite my ass, or your ass or one of the kids’ ass. I want to be ready.”

“It’s nice,” Eddie said, stepping closer. Steve didn’t move. Eddie was close, less than a foot away. “I can see why all the girls are swooning.”

Steve felt totally flustered, completely out of his league because did the flattery tricks work the same way on guys? He sputtered for what felt like ages before he said, “Were. They don’t really swoon anymore.”

“That’s a shame,” Eddie said, patting his chest, “They’re missing out,” and leaving Steve utterly flabbergasted, he climbed into Steve’s bed so casually that it felt almost normal. To have a guy shirtless in your bed. 

Steve left to brush his teeth and change, fighting the feeling of protective pride at Eddie in his bed, comfortable and safe and it felt so nice, to be able to be someone that Eddie could rely on. By the time he came back, Eddie’s eyes were half open, a smile resting contently on his face.

Steve sat on the edge of the bed and Eddie moved over, leaving room for Steve. Without a word, Eddie pulled Steve in immediately rather than letting it happen in sleep. He felt his hands suspended in the air by marionette strings at first. Steve settled one on Eddie’s back, the other on his hair. 

Rather dumbly, Steve asked, “Do you really sleep with me because I help with your nightmares?”

“Well,” Eddie said, inches from Steve’s face, “yeah. Why else would I sleep with you?”

Steve shrugged, his shoulders leaden. He didn’t answer beyond that, and was a little startled when Eddie continued. “Not that you’re not nice to sleep with. That’s like the whole thing, that it feels nice with you so it helps with the nightmares. Fuck, I’m making this awkward. I don’t mean that like I’m trying to cozy up with you or something you’re just warm and-fuck, I shouldn’t have said anything. Sorry.”

“No, I,” Steve let his fingers bury themselves a little deeper in Eddie’s curls, “I like it too. The warmth.”

“Oh,” Eddie replied, and both of them were lost in a world that didn’t have rules, that was so strange to anyone outside the room but to them felt so normal. “Thanks?”

Steve laughed, rubbed at Eddie’s back a little. Eddie twirled a strand of loose hair around his finger. “This is so weird. What the hell are we doing?”

“I dunno,” Eddie admitted, “But I sort of like it.”

It was a hot day in the middle of June when Steve realized he loved Eddie. The day he saved Eddie’s life was when he realized that he felt something for Eddie, the urge to care for him. But it was late into the night when Steve realized that he felt the urge to love him. 

Eddie was using one of Steve’s cookbooks and making cookies with no clue what he was doing. He had his hair in a messy ponytail - God, he was so pretty with his hair up - those stupid skinny jeans and a tank top that revealed expanses of his shoulders and back. Steve remembered because there was no forgetting the moment you realize you’ve fallen in love. Steve could have helped Eddie in the kitchen, but it was so much more interesting just to watch him stumble around the kitchen and figure out the difference between a teaspoon and a tablespoon. He smiled when Eddie spilled flour all over his Black Sabbath tank top, feeling like he could burst with fondness. The TV ran in the background, but Steve had long since stopped caring what was playing. He just watched Eddie and parsed out the complexity of falling in love with a boy in a world that hated boys who fell in love with other boys. 

He knew he would have to say something eventually, that the secret could only be kept behind Steve’s lips for so long. It wouldn’t be good, most likely. At best case scenario Eddie would never feel the same around him. At worst he would get kicked out and wouldn’t see Eddie again. 

It was some comfort to know that Eddie didn’t care about gay people. Which was good. At least Steve wouldn’t get called a slur on his way out. But there was a difference between “none of my business what adults do” and “I don’t care if you fall in love with me.” It very much became your business when someone was in love with you.

Then again, Steve could hope. Maybe Eddie wasn’t a douche. Maybe he would just try to forget it all and maybe it wouldn’t be that big a deal.

Maybe.

For now, Steve clutched his soda and silently watched Eddie make cookies.

Sometimes, late into the night, Eddie and Steve talked. Not often, because the day had a way of wearing on you, especially carrying the secrets that they both did. But sometimes, with the sheets wrapped around their legs because it was so hellishly hot these days, they would talk. About their day. Or about their lives. About their friends. About their futures. Steve would trace the muscles on Eddie, fingers trailing over scars and skin and tender places. If Eddie minded, he didn’t stop Steve. On rare occasions, he did the same thing.

Once Steve held Eddie’s arm in his hands and traced the scars on his wrists, faded and white. “What happened?”

They both knew Steve wasn’t asking what happened, because there was only one way to get that type of scar. He was asking why. 

Eddie took a deep breath and followed Steve’s fingers, following the line of the scars up to the veins in his forearm and dropping his hand. “My parents wished I’d never been born. They didn’t try to hide it. I was an unwanted child born out of a relationship that was hurtful and my parents hated each other and me. But sometimes they loved each other. They never loved me.”

They didn’t buy me clothes, so I had to steal things, dig through trash cans, donation bins or really anything. Whatever I could find I had to use. They refused to buy me food, and if they noticed that food was missing from the fridge, they would scream at me until I was sobbing, apologizing over and over for taking what was theirs.”

Steve was so still, just rubbing his thumb over the scars back and forth. Eddie smiled dryly.

“All the kids in school bullied me for having weird clothes that didn’t fit me and for eating the school lunch. I was small, too, you know? Because I didn’t eat much. And I had really curly hair that was never cut right because my parents wouldn’t cut it so I had to use our scissors and do my best. I just didn’t really match anyone else.”

“I was probably twelve or thirteen when I just couldn’t take it anymore. I hated my family, I hated myself. I hated school. Everything about it. I was small and young and weak. Social Services picked me up about a year after that. I’ve lived with my uncle since then.”

“But you still were the school freak,” Steve said, afraid to break the bubble with his words. It was so open and vulnerable, the words Eddie spoke. Steve couldn’t bring himself to imagine. And he thought he knew neglect.

“Yeah, but at least I had an uncle who loved me and didn’t scream at me for eating,” Eddie smiled, almost real, “And to be fair, I sort of leaned into it. If liking Dungeons and Dragons made me a freak, if being a metalhead made me weird, I might as well live up to it. It was sort of fun.”

“At least you’re out of school now,” Steve said, reminded of the absolute joy evident on Eddie’s face when he’d graduated. 

“Onto bigger and better things. And I never have to see my parents again. I hope I’m never like them.”

“You won’t be,” Steve said. He felt like he should say something, like if Eddie could bare his soul he could too.

Minutes passed in relative silence, where Eddie’s hand was almost holding Steve’s but not quite. The only sound was one of heartbeats and skin brushing skin.

“Eddie,” I love you, “I have something to tell you.”

Eddie looked up at Steve and his eyes were so pretty. Fuck. “What’s up, Stevie Wonder?”

I love you. Everything about you. Your looks your smile your laugh your guitar your humor your wit your way of knocking me on my ass in one word the way you don’t give a shit about anybody the way you treat me the way you treat the people around you the way you aren’t afraid to get in my space and most of all you

“I,” love you, “like boys.”

Fuck. Well that wasn’t quite what he meant. He closed his eyes in a grimace, waiting for the confusion and anger.

“Me too,” Eddie said, in such a casual way that Steve opened his eyes without even meaning to. They looked at each other for a moment. Without time. Without rules. Without even breathing. 

“Really?”

“Yeah, did you think my ogling was just a joke?” Eddie grinned. Steve felt the relief roll in waves off his body. “It was also part of why I got bullied a lot. It took me a while to figure out how to hide that part of myself.”

“So, do you like girls too?”

“Nah. They’re great friends and all, but I don’t find them pretty.”

“I do,” Steve said before he could keep his mouth shut, “I think girls are pretty. Is that bad?”

“No,” Eddie’s hand was on Steve’s arm, “It’s okay to like both.”

“How did you know? That you liked boys.”

Eddie shook his head. “Are you kidding? Have you seen boys? They have big muscles and long legs and sometimes they tower over you and other times they’re so pocket sized you want to wrap them in a blanket and kiss them stupid. They get angry easily and they also smile big. What’s not to like about boys?”

Steve laughed, a little in shock at the turn of events. “I guess I didn’t realize it until way later. I didn’t even consider that it was like a real thing until Robin came out to me. Like I’d heard of it, it wasn’t an uncommon insult but I just didn’t even think that was a possibility for actual human beings. And that it was normal.”

“So Robin is gay?”

“Yeah,” Steve said, hoping she wouldn’t get mad at him for it. “She’s a lesbian.”

“I knew it. I could tell.”

“You could? Is there like, some way to tell?”

“No, but there are little things you pick up on. It’s easier when you know what to look for.”

“Oh,” Steve supplied. Eddie laughed a little and Steve felt his own lips turn up in a smile. “Sorry. It’s still kind of new to me.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Eddie’s voice was gentle. Steve wanted to hear it for the rest of his life. “I still remember the first time I ever had a crush on a boy.”

Steve felt like he was dangling on the edge of a knifepoint. He could fall one way and tell Eddie everything, bare his soul to him and hope that it didn’t ruin things. Or he could fall the other way and remain in safety. Miserable safety.

“And how did it go? With this person, I mean.”

“How do you think it went?” Eddie’s eyes went a little darker. A little sadder. “He told everyone in school without a second thought and made my life hell until I lived with my uncle. I never told another boy when I had a crush on him again. Better to remain in silence than to be rejected and ridiculed by everyone.”

Steve sighed. “I didn’t realize I liked boys until I had a crush on one.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” Steve felt like he couldn’t breathe and at the same time his breath was too heavy, too filled with hope and anxiety to be more than a whisper.

“Who was it?”

Steve could dodge the question. Could dance around the subject until Eddie guessed. Could refuse to answer - which might be an answer in itself. Or he could bite the bullet, stake everything on an answer which would change everything.

“You.”

The stunned silence was enough to make Steve feel the gnawing anxiety in his chest grow wider eating away at his ribs and mind. He couldn’t breathe. He could only breathe.

He went to say something, to take it all back, to wish away his words, something that would stop the silence but as soon as he opened his mouth, he had another mouth on it.

Eddie was kissing him. His hands cradling Steve’s cheeks and his lips heavy on Steve’s.

Oh fuck. 

It took Steve a moment to process what was happening and by the time he did, Eddie had pulled away. His hands retracted and Steve immediately missed the comfort of his body so close.

Steve opened his eyes, panting even though he hadn’t done anything. Eddie was looking at him with wide eyes and Steve watched the way his throat bobbed when he swallowed.

“Are you okay?” Eddie asked.

“Do that again,” Steve breathed because it was over way too fast for his liking and he wanted to do this all night.

Eddie giggled. He giggled. Steve could feel it echo in his chest. Before he knew it, Eddie was leaning back in, crowding his space and his nose bumped Steve’s. When he connected their lips, Steve was more prepared. He had a hand buried in Eddie’s hair, dragging it through the curls and his other hand on Eddie’s waist. Eddie’s hands were all over him, running through his hair and over his back and on his shoulders and neck. Fuck. For someone that prided himself on being a good kisser, he felt like he was swimming in completely different waters.

It was different than kissing a girl. Eddie’s jawline was sharp and there was stubble there, scratchy but sort of nice. His hair was kind of like a girls but not at all in the sense that it was Eddie, not just a girl with long curly hair. 

Steve was entirely lost in the stimulation of it all but Eddie was taking it slow, letting him ease into it. It didn’t take too long before the instinct kicked in and he detached from Eddie, moving down to his neck which was a little different than a girls, but it was no less nice to hear Eddie’s little gasp of delight when he rolled the skin between his teeth carefully.

Eddie ran a hand from Steve’s stomach up to his chest and into his hair, pulling him up for another kiss, long and slow and just a little desperate. When they parted, Steve felt like he’d never tasted air before. He didn’t particularly care for it. 

“God, I haven’t kissed a guy in ages,” Eddie looked a little frenzied, as if amazed that they had just kissed. He and Steve both.

“I thought you said you hadn’t confessed to a guy since the first time.”

“No. But sometimes guys look for an outlet to their sexuality without confronting the reality of it. And sometimes unsatisfactory hookups are all you can get.”

“So does that mean you’ve,” Steve made a vague gesture towards Eddie’s crotch before, heat rising rapidly to his cheeks.

“Yes, Steve,” Eddie laughed, leaning into Steve a little, “I’ve fucked guys before.”

“How does it,” Steve paused, twisting his lips, “I don’t know the first thing about this kind of thing.”

He felt like such a child, admitting that he didn’t know shit, as if he wasn’t almost twenty. He couldn’t help but laugh at his naivete, and he heard Eddie laughing with him.

“That’s okay. We have time to help you learn.”

The next kiss Eddie offered him was just a peck, too short for how badly Steve wanted it. Steve let his head fall into the crook of Eddie’s neck, away from prospective eyes and towards something that had begun to feel like home.

“I love you,” Steve admitted. A final confession to add to the stack. 

“Yeah,” Steve could hear the smile in Eddie’s lips, “Me too.”

“Really?” Steve asked, leaning back because it was hard to imagine a world where sweet and loud and funny Eddie would like Steve, much less love him.

“Yes, dumbass,” Eddie kissed his forehead, “You know, I had a big crush on you in ninth grade, until I realized you were a Grade A douchebag. And then five years later, I’m suspect for murder and in walks Steve Harrington like a million times more attractive and he’s actually like one of the kindest people I’ve ever met now? I was done for.” 

Steve kissed Eddie again. There wasn’t enough kissing Eddie. Every time he pulled away he wished to lean back in. But they were both tired and so Steve pulled away, lacing their hands together. Eddie kissed his knuckles and Steve melted into nothing except something for Eddie to hold onto. This was nice. Steve hadn’t felt like this in a long time, not since the best of times with Nancy, and Nancy didn’t really hold him like this. Like he was the one that needed to be kept safe, not the other way around.

Steve could feel sleep pulling him in, warm and beckoning with a smile that looked like Eddie’s. He yawned and Eddie laughed at the feeling of Steve’s exhale on his neck.

He was almost asleep when he heard it from Eddie, something he hadn’t even considered before now.

“So which one of us has to tell Robin and Nancy?”