Work Text:
Staring at the oceans and its waves. hands intertwined, head in the elders shoulders.
"Doyoung, do you know what the oceans symbolize?”
"Hmm… What?"
"I want you to figure it out yourself."
He smiled, a smile that's not forced but a smile that accepts. As He reminisced that scene again, in the same place where they chose to let go of everything, where they said goodbye with the oceans. and engines passing by them.
“Junghwan, I think I know now…” but no one can hear that, he's talking into thin air.
“Oceans. Power and strength, it doesn’t let anyone disturb it, even with people in it, the beauty is still the same.”
“Mystery and endless, The curiosity of the other side, that things won’t end so easily, even if things change.”
“Hope and calmness, In a great noise, it stays calm. Giving hope that things will be better, and looking for the other side of the oceans, waiting for a better life on the other side…”
He said those things, even though the one who asked him, is on the other side of the oceans.
Sitting on a bench, watching the beautiful art that the oceans are creating. Wind, touching his delicate skin as he admires the beautiful scenery that the earth offered him to enjoy. The sounds of the ocean waves are a beautiful melody in his ears.
People cycling with their loved ones, some enjoying the view. And some are Reminiscing memories; just like him. Everything is still the same, but something is missing; hands that will warm up his cold palms, a voice that harmonizes with the ocean waves, or a head that will rest on his shoulders.
Then an airplane flew past him. He watched the plane until it disappeared within the clouds.
Just like how he watched his first love disappear in his eyes.
He describes his first love as a plane, passing, enjoying the wind as it flies in the sky; creating sceneries and memories, and later disappearing in the clouds.
Yes, JungHwan was his first love. A teenage love, since 17.
He remembers the time when he first saw JungHwan. sitting on the bench with the view of the ocean, sketching in his notebook, admiring the sun touching his milky skin; brown eyes that were full of delight, and lips that were smiling just like a ray of sunshine.
Doyoung closed his eyes, breathing in fresh air.. But, a memory flashes before his eyes.
"Doyoung, I'm letting you go… for I don't want you to suffer hoping for a love that is far away. But you're something I won't outgrow. " Junghwan letting out those words, rhyming the waves.
the ocean is calm, but just as Doyoung’s heart, it has storms inside.
"I can talk with you online and or by video call—" while his tears are falling down, Junghwan can see the sadness in Doyoung’s eyes, it loses its brightness.
"Don't settle for less, Doyoung. We will be both busy as the days come and as our age adds up and the distance... I don't want both of us to suffer just because we won’t have much time for each other." As he cups Doyoung’s face, wiping his tears using his thumb. But the fear is still there. The fear of knowing that they can’t watch the oceans together anymore, appreciating the quietness, only the waves are speaking.
"We'll make time," he insisted.
"Doyoung, I don’t want you to settle for the word ‘make’ I want someone to give it to you, and that’s not me, Doyoung." Junghwan smiled but those hazel brown eyes can’t lie.
"Why did you enter my life in the first place?" He removed his face from the younger’s hold.
"I want to make my last days in this country count. With you. I took the risk, because I want to make memories. With you." Junghwan stared at the oceans, knowing deep down what he meant.
"Then leave those memories behind?"
JungHwan looked at the elders eyes again, smiling like it’s the last time… well yea, it is the last time that they’ll see each other's breathtaking eyes. "No. Treasure those memories. Memories don't leave, Like the oceans, It will stay.”
Doyoung opens his eyes, letting a tear escape from his lonely eyes, longing for his first love; JungHwan.
Like the oceans, his heart is still making waves, calling for his first love, the first love that made him see the oceans in a more beautiful way.
“JungHwan, how’s korea? Since that day, We didn’t contacted each other anymore. I hope you're happy. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine someday, just not tonight.”
For their memories and the love that they left is still here, in Doyoung’s heart, it stayed.
He doesn't wish for anything, but a love that will stay, the love that will try to understand and talk about the things, just like an ocean, endless. in short; Junghwan.
But not all wishes can be fulfilled.
"JungHwan, Do you know why I always come here?" he mumbled.
"Because I’ve always waited for you here. Just like how we wait for the oceans to make waves, while our hands are intertwined together, not letting any seconds pass that we're together."
"But As years pass, I think it’s time to say goodbye, and I should give up the ghost of us, but don't get me wrong… I still love you. I just need to let go of you, but I'll still admire your beauty from afar, Just like the oceans; my love will be endless."
He smiled one last time and stood up. Glancing at the oceans, he walked away, with a smile on his face.
Maybe, this is the time he'll say goodbye, officially. Maybe, he'll still not be fine in a few years or so, but who cares? He knows he'll be fine soon, without feeling the same heaviness, whenever he looks at the ocean... And he’ll move forward, with the memories of the beautiful scenery of the oceans, with his first love; Junghwan.
"Goodbye my great love loss."
—end