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I and Bad have not been posting lately, and it's not for the reason you would think. Not because we meet up, not because we aren't friends anymore; quite the opposite. It was a couple of nights ago.
"Bad? Are you about to fall asleep?" I whispered into the dark, only being able to see from my phone light. "Maybe. I feel very tired Skeppy." His voice sounded far away, but I knew it wasn't.
He wasn't that far.
"Goodnight Bad, sleep well." He laughed and whispered out a very quiet goodnight back. Things have been like this lately, late-night calls and hushed voices while we are cuddled up in bed talking about whatever.
It's nice. It could be better with him in the same bed. Seeing his mouth move in front of me could be better than over a heated phone. I can only dream.
Literally, too, I have been having dreams of him. Of my best friend that I have loved and known for years, but I just started having dreams. Dreams that I don't even want to explain nor talk about with anyone.
Dreams of him, but he's close to me. In my bed, on my couch, just anywhere near me. Dreams where he isn't 1000 miles away from me.
Dreams that have me waking up in a pool of sweat and left with confusing feelings.
I could hear his soft snores over the phone, and I fall asleep to it. Because that's what we do every night, and I don't think it will stop any time soon. I don't want it to stop anytime soon, and I don't think he wants it to either.
I wake up uncomfortably, once again sweaty and confused. Most of the time I remember my dream, but this time I didn't.
"Goodmorning Skeppy!" I hear his voice, so I turn my phone over so I can see the bright screen. I groan as it hurts my eyes, and he laughs. After a minute I get used to it.
"Goodmorning." My throat hurts and I need to pee, but I stay in bed to talk to him. He always wakes up before me and when I asked when he wakes up, he told me a muffin never tells.
I think I almost know what that means. It either means he has a horrible sleep schedule and doesn't want to worry me, or he wakes up before me to walk rat. Either one seems legit.
"How did you sleep?" He asks. He is pouring something into a mug, I think it's coffee. "Good, but I don't remember my dream." I yawn, still tired and not all the way awake yet.
"Maybe it will come back to you!" He smiles, picking up the mug and taking a sip. I smile back at him.
—
I hit the record button, I was going to troll Badboyhalo. I love trolling him, he's so clueless most of the time. I join the call he's in, and an off-tune voice hits my ears.
"I had a muffin, he had a muffin, they have a muf- Oh hey Skeppy!" He cuts himself off. "Hi Bad!" I smile.
"So why did you need to talk?" He asks and takes a sip of a drink. Or at least that's what it sounds like.
"I just wanted to talk about some things," I trailed off, trying to find the words. I knew what this troll would be about, but it felt more serious than the other pointless trolls.
Because it was. Because talking to him about this isn't a troll, no matter how bad I want it to be.
I paused the recording, clearing my throat while doing so. "Can we have a serious talk please?" I asked, hoping for a serious answer-back. "Yes of course, what's going on?" His voice is filled with sticky sweetness, and it makes me melt.
"Meeting up," I say and almost regret it, because it takes him about 24 seconds to speak, not like I was counting or anything. "Yes? What about it?"
He sounds so clueless, but I know he knows. I know this topic has been put aside with jokes and laughs.
"Will it ever actually happen Badboyhalo?" I ask.
"Yes, it will. I promise." He says.
"When?" I ask.
"Whenever. I think I am free." His voice isn't filled with sticky sweetness anymore, it's filled with uncertainty. It's almost like we haven't been through this before.
"Please? Do you promise this time? Because I really don't think I can wait anymore, I can't wait a whole lifetime for you Bad. I need you here with me, I don't care when or where. I just need you here with me, next to me. I need to know you are real, all those meaningful talks and jokes and videos were real. Please?"
I rant for what seems like forever, and it also seems like forever before he answers. "I promise. When can you?" He says, and this time when he talks, I know he is serious. I know he really wants to meet me in real life, something I have wanted since I meet him.
"Next week?"
—
I can't believe that after three years of jokes, videos, late-night calls, and games, I am finally on my way to him.
It took a lot of back and forth and planning, but I finally booked the ticket. I finally am on my way to my best friend. My best friend who I haven't even hugged in real life, but his words still send feelings to my stomach and dizziness to my head.
He has made me feel things I don't understand, and things I'll never be able to take back. Things I don't want to take back.
The plane lands smoothly from what I can tell. I get off and do normal airport things, as I have done this a million times before. But this time it's different, it's not for some vacation that will cost a fortune but I'll forget in some time. This is more than that.
My best friend is so much more than that. Him. He is.
I grab my blue suitcase that's mostly filled with hoodies and basketball shorts. I pull out my phone and walk to the front doors.
Skeppy: where r u?
Badboyhalo: I'm in the front, in a gray car. Rat will be waving out the window, so you will see us.
I smiled, of course, he took Rat with him. Then it hit me, I get to meet Badboyhalo. And his dog, Rat. Warmth fills my body before I can even think about it, and I am running now.
I run to the doors, out the doors, bumping into some people. I say sorry but run before I can see the looks on their faces, no one else matters but him right now.
I hope he feels the same.
I walk into the cold air, looking around for a gray car and a dog out of the window.
I see it. I run and almost fall, but I don't care. I see him standing on the curb, he got out of his car. "Bad!" I yell, running into his arms. He welcomes me in, and I can't breathe.
Not because he is hugging me too tight and not because I just ran. Because it's him hugging me, him in front of me. He smells nice, and that's coming from someone who has never picked up on someone else's smell before.
"I can't believe you are here." He says. I look up to him with the biggest smile on my face, and he has the same smile as me. "Me either."
—
"We are here!" He says happily. He took me on a tour of his favorite places and where he shops. He even showed me his favorite restaurant, then went on about why it's his favorite.
I was smiling so hard the whole time, feelings in my stomach I didn't want to think about.
"Your house is so nice!" I say, and I'm not lying. The outside of his house is so Badboyhalo it hurts, and the inside is even more. There are dog toys all over the floor that he kicks aside as he gives me a tour of his house.
It's so warm and fuzzy in here that I never want to go outside into the cold ever again. I don't think I can after I have been in here with him.
He leads me to his guest room and tells me to place my stuff on the bed. The sheets are a light blue that I smile at. He is standing in the doorway now, Rat at his feet.
I walk over to him, getting close. "I am taller than you." He says, his voice so close it sends shivers down my back when it shouldn't. I don't show any emotion.
"No, you aren't," I say stubbornly because I lost this whole debate. After years of fighting about who is taller and our whole fandom fighting as well, he is taller.
And I like it.
I like that I only go to his nose so I have to slightly look up to him, I like that he has to wrap his arms around my shoulders when we hug.
"It's okay shorty, at least you have me now to reach for the high things in stores." He laughs at his own joke and I smile.
"Yeah, whatever," I say.
I wrap my hands around his waist and pull him in. He wraps his arms around my shoulders and I try to memorize the way it feels to be so close to him. The way his heart best feels against my rapid beating heart and his chin in my fluffy dark hair.
"This is nice." He says.
"Yeah, it is." I agree. I agree more than ever.
Then it all comes back to me, my dream from last night.
"What would you do if I were to kiss you right now?" I ask slowly and quietly. We are in his car, it's cold and dark but I can tell it's a car, and I think it's his.
Outside the window, there is an amazing video of the city lights. "Do you want to find out instead of me telling you?" He smirks.
"Yes," I say, leaning in already. He leans in as well, and we meet somewhere in the middle. His lips are soft and a little bit chapped, but I don't care. Even though it's cold and dark in the car, his touch brings me the warmth I have never felt before.
He pulls away first, his hand still resting on my jaw. It fits so perfectly that you would think we are two puzzle pieces. "Does that tell you enough?" He asks so close to me that I can feel his breath on my lips, and it's driving me crazy.
"Not yet." My voice is raspy but he leans in again anyways. We kiss longer this time, our lips fitting perfectly.
I gasp, remembering all of it. Remembering a little too much. For some reason though, I don't hate it. I don't hate the feeling that it sends me, I don't hate it at all.
"What?" He asks, pulling me closer. Rat stars barking. He pulls away, smiling. "Shh!" He says looking down at the white fluff ball on the floor.
She is looking up at him, staring. "Is it time for dinner?" He asks no one, checks his watch, and clicks his tongue. "I am going to go feed her, do you want to unpack and stuff?" He asks kindly and I want to cry from happiness.
I nod and he walks away, his footsteps sounding like the sound rain makes when it hits the ground.
I walk back into the room, it feels colder without him, but it's still warm because I know this is his house, part of him. I flop onto the blue bed, moving my also blue suitcase aside.
Why did I have that dream? Sure I have dreams about him, but nothing like that. Kind of. I have had dreams about him being so close to me in bed, the sheets wrapped around us like a shield, our legs wrapped around each other, and his hand on my waist.
But that's not nearly the same as the one I almost forgot.
I'm still lying on the bed when he walks in a few minutes later. He stands at the doorway once again, and I smile at him.
"Want to watch a movie?" He asks from the door. Rat is at his feet again, but she seems calmer, less hungry.
"Yes!" I jump up from the bed, moving over to the doorway. I don't get close enough that I can feel his breath mixed with mine this time. "Go get your shoes on." He says, looking at my feet.
I look down as well, I took them off because of the bed. I was lying on his bed, and I didn't want to be disrespectful.
Without asking why I would need shoes for a movie, I put them on.
Once they are on, I jump up again. He walks out of the door frame, Rat following right behind him.
I and Rat both follow him out of the door and into the car. "What movie are we going to see?" I ask.
"Anyone's that are playing. What do you like?"
—
He pulls up to a park, and for a second I'm confused, I thought he said we were going to see a movie not play at a park. "What are we doing here?" I ask, turning around to see him, Rat in my lap as she turns with me.
He points to somewhere, and I follow his finger to see a screen. An outdoor movie. Of course. I smile, that same warm feeling emerging again.
We sit down on the blanket he got us from the trunk, and it's comfortable. It's only comforting because I know it's his blanket, his dog in my lap, and him next to me.
He makes me feel okay. Like I can take a breath finally.
I don't even know what movie we are about to watch, but I don't really care as long as it's next to him.
Turns out we are watching Rapunzel. My favorite movie as a kid, and he knows that. He took me here because he knows what this movie meant to me.
I know all the songs and I know how it ends but every time I watch it, my love grows for it even more.
His finger touches mine. Either he doesn't notice or he doesn't care, because he doesn't move it away. He doesn't flinch.
I smirk, slowly and carefully wrapping my hand in his. He doesn't turn to me, but I can see his smile even in the dark.
We hold hands the whole movie. Rat sits in between us and I think I got a couple of bites from mesquites, but it's okay.
We are sitting in the car now. The movie ended a minute ago, and now we are talking about it. "You knew didn't you?" I asked.
"Yes. But you liked it right?" He asks, and I can tell through his eyes that he only wants me to say yes. "Yes. I loved it, it's my favorite movie and so very thoughtful of you Bad." I smile and he smiles back, his teeth showing.
It's almost like the sun actually peeks out from his lips. Time passes and I don't know how much, but we are holding hands again now.
We are talking about our childhood, and he's telling me about what his favorite animal was when he was a kid. I can't help but squeeze his hand a little bit tighter at the cute parts,
"That's so cute," I say before I think. It's dark, so I'm not sure if it's my imagination or if he actually goes a shade darker than he was before.
"You're cute you know that?" I say again, but this time with more confidence.
"Stop it." He says, squeezing my hand. I smile so hard my cheeks hurt. Now that I think about it, I have been smiling this whole time.
The radio is on, and I can bearly hear the song playing. I turn it up with the hand that isn't holding his.
"You've been locked in here forever and you just can't say goodbye." The voice sounds deep and good, the music in the background making it fit all together.
The voice pauses for a minute before continuing. We both listen. "You're lips my lips, apocalypse." I blush.
I turn to him slowly, almost scared to see how he is reacting. He is smiling, already looking at me.
It makes my heart beat speed up even more than it already is, and I didn't even know a human's heart could beat this fast. "Your lips," He whispers out.
"My lips," I say because that's what I think he is trying to do. Play a little game of finish lyrics when I feel like passing out. "Apocalyps-" He tries to say, but before he can finish, I cut him off.
I do something I never would have thought I would be doing. I kiss him. I pull him in, never letting go of our joined hands and kiss him.
Just like in my dream, his lips are soft and warm, and not even chapped this time. It feels amazing, it feels new and thrilling.
I pull away. His face says it all but in a good way. He is smiling and blushing, and I bet I look the same.
"You kissed me." He says as If I didn't know. "Yes." Silence passes in the air around us and for a second I regret it, not the feeling but only the way he might be reacting.
"Can you do it again?" He says and I almost can't hear him because of the music. I nodded, but he leans in this time.
I smile into the kiss, leaning closer but still never breaking our hands apart.
Just like my dream, but better.