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The meaning of first love is not universal.
Some people think that it feels like a fairytale. They believe it to be the most innocent and sincere type of love, and, as a result, it's unforgettable. Therefore, it's usually the hardest to get over.
Some others have a negative opinion of first love, labeling it as idealized, naive, superficial, and even childish. This point of view also contends that it doesn't take long to recover from the resulting breakup and move on.
In essence, everyone has a different perspective on it. Though, there's one thing on which all different viewpoints seem to agree: first love never lasts.
According to many, it never works because it’s only a fleeting feeling and doesn’t meet the requirements for a strong, healthy, and long-lasting relationship. Thus, breaking up is the logical outcome of all this. It's inevitable, foreseeable even.
That doesn’t mean it isn’t painful, but, after all, every cloud has a silver lining, right? That means that through the pain you experience, you learn that love is not as easy as movies or dramas show. To make it work, you must cultivate the feeling with care, help it flourish little by little, and put a lot of effort into it.
The first time you get your heart broken also makes you understand what you want from love and what you definitely don’t. It helps you grow, change, and learn.
Sunghoon is doing okay, really.
He has a fulfilling job, has his own apartment in which he’s been living for a few years now, and is independent.
He has grown, changed, and learned.
But maybe, just maybe, his heart hasn't fully recovered yet, even though he thought otherwise until a few minutes ago.
And it’s all because of a stupid bottle of perfume hidden in the back of his closet. To be more accurate, Sunoo’s favorite perfume. Sunoo, as in Kim Sunoo, his ex.
Well, there’s little to say on the matter. The whole thing can be summarized as follows: Sunghoon had a boyfriend, Kim Sunoo; they were madly in love with each other; they had been together for two and a half years when they broke up; the couple used to live together, but Sunoo moved out of their apartment a year ago. That’s it.
Sunghoon was devastated back then and struggled to accept the end of their relationship, which is why that bottle was so carefully kept hidden.
Following the initial shock due to the breakup, the guy decided to get rid of everything belonging to Sunoo. The thing is that Sunghoon has always considered himself a coward, and back then, he lacked the courage to discard his first love's belongings. Therefore, he placed all of Sunoo’s photos, accessories, and cosmetics in a box, which he then stored in his closet.
Maybe if he hadn't decided to renew his wardrobe, now he wouldn't be sitting on the edge of the bed with a pensive expression on his face, fiddling with a perfume bottle.
That’s frustrating, considering he thought he was over Sunoo.
It’s been a while since they decided to part ways, but today it somehow hurts as much as it did a year ago.
They didn’t split up because of a third person or because they no longer loved each other. It just… happened. You see, one of the truths about first love is that it usually ends because of some small argument over trivial things or because both parties gradually grow apart. They experienced the latter.
If we then combine first love with grown-up life, disaster is assured.
You know how it is: adulthood comes with its pros and cons. Above all, it’s chaotic; it’s uncertain. Suddenly you are both too busy, your job gets in the way, and you start neglecting each other until you stop communicating. When you decide to face the problem like adults, trying to find a solution or put an end to the suffering, it usually ends with one of you guys moving out. That’s how Sunghoon usually explains their breakup.
He’s sure that he and Sunoo were still deeply in love with one another at the time. Unfortunately, they lacked the strength to overcome such obstacles.
So here he is, motionless on his bed, staring at the object in his hands.
Sunghoon’s past self genuinely thought he was over it. His present self, however, cannot deny that the sight of that bottle is making his heart shatter again. Maybe it’s because his feelings for Sunoo haven’t completely faded. Maybe it’s because without Sunoo humming song after song in the living room, his house no longer feels like home. Who knows? But the moment he saw it, all he wanted to do was give Sunoo a call to know whether he still needed that bottle of perfume.
Actually, he’s still thinking about calling him. Is it that wrong to want to use such a ridiculous excuse to hear Sunoo’s voice again?
Such thoughts are understandable, considering what they meant to each other.
One fact about Kim Sunoo is that he used to be Sunghoon’s comfort, his pillar of strength.
Sunoo was there for Sunghoon when the latter didn't know how to open up to people due to trust issues, and Sunoo helped him overcome his fears. Or when Sunghoon felt insecure about himself, it was Sunoo who helped him come out of his shell, teaching him how to show his true self without worry and to embrace and display all his virtues and flaws like a trophy.
That time Sunoo wanted a dog, Sunghoon brought Gaeul home. They even rented an apartment together, the same apartment where Sunghoon has been living alone since last year. Most importantly, Sunoo made Sunghoon want to build a future with him.
Considering they were each other’s everything, the reason why they let their relationship fall apart without fighting that much for their love is beyond him.
To think that a "what if" followed by a big question mark is all that's left is painful.
Sunghoon knows that clinging to the past and getting lost in memories will do him no good, but alas, he doesn’t know how to prevent it from happening.
It’s probably one of the reasons why people say that memories are a double-edged sword.
As expected, Sunghoon has spent the last three days feeling distracted, even at work, infuriating his boss and arousing his best friend's curiosity.
“Hello? Earth to Sunghoon. Can you hear me?” Jake waves a hand in front of his face, trying to get his attention.
Sunghoon doesn’t even move, keeping his unfocused eyes fixed on the computer screen. A simple and distracted "Huh?" is the only thing he eventually manages to utter.
Jake huffs, resigned. “You’ve been staring at the screen for at least twenty minutes without blinking. Not to be rude or anything, but it’s kind of creepy. Oh, and the boss wants you to send him the pictures from yesterday’s photoshoot as soon as possible. Are you done with editing them?”
“Not yet,” Sunghoon mutters. “Umm, tell him I’ll send the pics to his inbox in 30 minutes.”
“Hoon, he already scolded you in front of everyone yesterday, and I don’t think that pitiful show needs an encore. Why are you so distracted?” Jake asks, concerned. He has one of those “light bulb moments” as soon as he notices the way Sunghoon is deflating right in front of his eyes. “Oh. My. God. Don’t tell me it’s about Sunoo. Did you perhaps bump into him a few days ago?”
Sunghoon gives him a sorrowful look, not saying a word.
Jake gasps loudly. “Oh God, you did! But it didn’t go well, did it?” his friend asks rhetorically, looking at Sunghoon with wide, curious eyes as the latter glares at him. “That bad? Why? Does he have a boyfriend now?”
Jake is the embodiment of the perfect friend, seriously. He has a heart of gold, gives good advice, is a great listener, and is always willing to help his friends when they need him the most. The thing is that he’s kind of… nosy. And Sunghoon isn’t really in the mood to talk about the issue.
Therefore, he ignores his friend’s questions until he can’t take Jake’s scrutinizing eyes trained on him anymore. He heaves a heavy sigh as he starts explaining briefly, as deep down, Sunghoon knows that if there’s anyone who can bring him comfort, it’s his best friend. “I didn’t bump into him.” He pauses for a moment and sighs again. “I found something his at my place three days ago.”
“And now you miss him,” his best friend says, looking concerned again.
“And now I miss him,” he confirms.
A weird silence falls between the two friends, in which Sunghoon seems to find comfort, despite his sad, musing gaze. Jake, on the other hand, can’t help but start tossing idea after idea around.
“Look, you guys aren’t on bad terms, right?” the latter says, piquing Sunghoon’s interest. “If I were you, I wouldn’t hesitate to follow him on Instagram, leave a few likes here and there, and then send him a direct message like, ‘hey, it’s been a while. How have you been?’ or something. It might be a good conversation starter.”
“Jake, this is like… the worst idea your brain has ever given birth to?!” Sunghoon snaps. “Besides, what makes you think I want to talk with him?” he adds, a little annoyed.
His best friend snorts. “Your face. Your face says it all,” he then says matter-of-factly. “I know an idiot in love when I see one. I’m one of those idiots, Hoon,” Jake ends, looking extremely serious.
“About that, shouldn’t you focus on your own misery first? You know, I’m talking about your habit of dropping by Heeseung’s office every evening carrying two servings of ramyeon with you as if you were his spouse,” Sunghoon retorts, giving him a judgmental look. “You should tell him, Jake.”
Jake snorts again, louder this time. “Yeah, no. I’m not sure I should take love advice from someone who isn’t over his ex but doesn’t have the guts to do anything about it. So, back to you,” he switches the focus to his friend again, “it’s obvious you want to talk to Sunoo. So why don’t you text him?”
Sunghoon takes a deep breath before answering, “It’s not that easy, Jake.”
“But why? Sunoo’s a nice guy! Promise me you’ll think about it,” Jake tries to persuade his best friend again. “Now get back to work before the boss decides to hire a new photographer,” he says as he turns Sunghoon’s office chair toward the long-neglected computer screen.
•••
Sunghoon thinks he loves Instagram.
If there’s anything he loves more than Instagram, it’s probably public accounts on Instagram. That’s basically because snooping into other people’s lives doesn’t make you feel like a creepy person, which Sunghoon thinks is ideal.
Luckily, Sunoo’s account is one of those.
Yup, Jake and his ideas have instilled the seed of curiosity in Sunghoon, which is why he’s now carefully examining every picture posted on his ex-boyfriend’s account. Sunghoon feels like he should thank that little verified badge next to Sunoo’s name for facilitating his ‘find out what your ex has been up to lately’ session. But truth be told, it shouldn't be surprising that his profile is public, considering that he works as a model.
The pictures he posts are breathtaking. Sunghoon didn't think his ex could get even more attractive, yet here he is, looking flawless in every shot.
Among the countless pictures, though, some of them catch his attention. Sunoo is with someone, a guy.
Now, Sunghoon shouldn't be bothered for several reasons. The first of which is that they broke up a year ago. The second reason is that said guy could be anyone, perhaps a fellow model.
The point is that there seems to be more than a working relationship between Sunoo and the mysterious guy, as many of their pictures depict moments of everyday life. He sees a selfie of them at the park, a selfie of them doing finger hearts, a selfie of them eating pizza together, and the list goes on. The pic captioned "I'm lucky to have you in my life" is what disturbs him the most, though.
As we were saying, Sunghoon shouldn't be bothered, yet the picture breaks his heart a little.
“I guess I don’t like Instagram that much,” he finds himself saying out loud.
But then, Jake’s words start ringing in his ears. “Text him; there's nothing wrong with it. Cowardice will get you nowhere, Sunghoon,” Jake told him.
Therefore, driven by a sudden determination, he clicks on the chat. What he writes is a simple message, nothing too dull or nostalgic. He checks it several times before clicking the send button.
“Hi Sunoo, it’s been a while. I’ve seen some pictures from your most recent photo shoots, and I want to congratulate you on your accomplishments. How are you? Don’t worry if you don’t feel like talking.”
Hoping to see his message marked as seen instantly, he stares at the chat for a few minutes but decides to close the app and put his phone on the nightstand when that doesn't happen. Sunghoon resolves not to check the notifications until tomorrow.
When he hears his phone vibrate in the morning, he assumes it's either his alarm going off or, at the most, a text message from Jake asking whether he has given his plan some thought. To say he’s surprised to see an Instagram notification from Sunoo is an understatement.
It turns out that Sunoo is still the same amiable guy Sunghoon once knew, as his reply is cheery and devoid of any resentment.
“Hyung! What a surprise! I’m doing great, thanks. How about you? I’d love to talk with you, but I don’t think Instagram DMs are the best option. Why not meet and catch up?” reads the message.
Well, Sunghoon should admit a couple of things to himself at this point. First off, just chatting with his ex makes his hands shake. But the prospect of meeting him in person? That’s kind of terrifying.
It’s not like he despises the idea, mind you. It’s just that the mere thought of seeing Sunoo again and talking face-to-face scares him to his very core. He wonders how his ex-boyfriend managed to suggest they meet so nonchalantly. Well, Sunoo never fails to surprise him, even after all these years.
His fingers begin typing before his brain can fully register what he’s doing. It doesn’t even take him half a second to reply, “Sure, why not?”
Sunoo's reply comes immediately this time. Sunghoon wonders if Sunoo is eager to talk as much as he is, and the very thought fills him with hope.
“How about this Saturday? There’s this nice restaurant not far from the mall. We could eat there around 7 PM, what do you say?” reads Sunoo’s reply.
It’s weird, but something akin to deep satisfaction fills his chest.
He suddenly remembers how easy talking with Sunoo is. Sunoo is proactive, straightforward, genuine, and has a pure soul. He always says what he means and means what he says; there's no need to read between the lines. That's also why Sunghoon always felt comfortable around him.
He probably still feels at ease since he immediately starts typing a response. “We have a deal. See you there,” Sunghoon replies without thinking twice.
Now there's nothing left to do but wait.
•••
Days go by quickly, and Saturday comes in the blink of an eye.
Sunghoon doesn't know what to anticipate from this meeting, nor does he exactly know what to say or how the evening will go. As a result, his hands can't stop shaking despite his firm grip on the steering wheel of his car, making the short ride extremely difficult. He firmly believes he’s never been this tense before, and that’s saying something, considering his perpetual flustered state around Sunoo during his pining years.
As soon as he reaches the parking lot, he decides to take his time to try and steady his nerves before getting out of the car and heading to their meeting place. He lets his head fall back until it touches the headrest, closing his eyes for a few seconds, hands still gripping the steering wheel.
Five minutes later, Sunghoon finds the courage to get out of the car and head to the restaurant. Walking with his heart in his mouth isn’t a pleasant sensation, but what can he do about it? It’s not like he can lock himself in his car forever, and besides, Sunoo is probably already there, waiting for him.
Keeping his gaze fixed on the sidewalk, he continues walking until he reaches a crosswalk. That's when he finally raises his head.
And there he is, Sunoo, looking as gorgeous as ever, leaning on a lamppost while scrolling on his phone. Despite his new, carefully styled pitch-black hair, Sunghoon recognized him from the other side of the road almost immediately. He is wearing leather boots, matched with a pair of skinny ripped jeans, an oversized shirt, and a biker jacket, and Sunghoon thinks only Sunoo can make such a basic outfit look so enticing. There's no point in pretending that Sunoo no longer has an impact on him, as his erratic heartbeat says it all. Loud and clear.
His throat feels dry as hell, and his head is spinning like never before; Sunghoon is honestly not sure he can do this. But before he can change his mind and head back to his car, Sunoo sees him and waves at him.
“First of all, wow. This hair color looks gorgeous on you!” Sunoo exclaims as soon as he sees his ex-boyfriend walking toward him. “Hyung, I’m so happy to see you again! How are you?” he keeps talking enthusiastically, rubbing Sunghoon’s arm as a greeting.
That’s when the tension suddenly dissolves as if by magic.
Sunoo’s warm aura has always had a calming effect on Sunghoon, who instantly loosens up as the younger keeps caressing his forearm.
You see, Sunoo is bubbly and outgoing, but he’s never been the type to initiate physical contact. At least, not with everyone; Sunghoon used to be his only exception when they were together, for example. Therefore, the older is pleased to see that certain things never change.
Besides, he'd be lying if he said that the compliment he just got from Sunoo didn't make him blush a little.
“Good, thank you. You look stunning too, Sun,” he says as he gingerly places his hand over Sunoo's to squeeze it lightly.
Sunoo keeps smiling at him, but Sunghoon can't help but notice the strange silence falling between them.
Luckily, the younger breaks it and resumes talking, the same enthusiasm of a little ago still audible in his voice, “Let’s go? I’m starving!”
Although Sunghoon truly wanted to be a gentleman and open the door for his ex, the latter beat him to it, doing so on his own and keeping it open for Sunghoon before deciding to grab his hand.
Dragging the other by his hand, the black-haired male spots a waiter and quickly approaches him. “Hello! I booked a table for two for 7 PM under the name of Kim Sunoo,” he says in his confident but friendly tone, smiling brightly at the man.
See, that’s one of the million reasons why Sunghoon admires Sunoo. There's something in the way he carries himself that Sunghoon has always found intriguing and irresistible. Sunoo is sweet and friendly but also confident and assertive by nature, so much so that it's impossible not to fall for his charms, and Sunghoon is no exception.
The waiter’s gaze landing on their intertwined hands (which Sunghoon notices immediately) interrupts his train of thought. The man looks up again and smiles warmly at them before speaking. “Of course, Mr. and Mr. Kim. Please come this way.”
Sunoo doesn’t correct him and only giggles while Sunghoon blushes furiously.
“So, Mr. Kim,” Sunoo teases as he grabs the menu, “what have you been up to lately? How’s work going? Oh, by the way, you should try their beef tenderloin with truffle sauce. It’s delicious.”
Sunghoon looks at him, blinking quickly and trying to process everything. Mr. Kim, he said. How can he say such things and immediately switch to talking about beef like it’s nothing? Doesn't he realize how weak Sunghoon's heart is right now?
He only regains his composure when he sees Sunoo take his eyes off the menu to look at him, still waiting for him to say something. “Good. We just recently began working with numerous haute couture houses. It’s nothing new, really. Tell me about you, though.”
“Same. I posed for Vogue yesterday, you know?” the younger says while flipping through the pages of the menu once more. “I’ll get you a copy of the magazine’s upcoming issue. You’ll love the pictures,” he smiles with his eyes.
They stop chatting as soon as the same waiter who has mistaken them for a couple approaches their table to ask, “Are you ready to order?”
“Hmm, yes. I’ll have the beef tenderloin with truffle sauce. From what I’ve heard, it’s excellent,” Sunghoon turns to the waiter, smiling politely.
“I’ll have the same. Thank you!” Sunoo smiles at him too.
The man nods and notes it down. “Right. Two beef tenderloins. Would you like some wine? I’d recommend the Cabernet Sauvignon to accompany your meat.”
“Hyung, how about a bottle of red wine?” Sunoo turns to his ex, who immediately nods in agreement. “We’ll have the Cabernet then, thanks,” he smiles again.
“You’re a lovely couple, if I may say so,” the waiter doesn’t hesitate to compliment them.
Sunoo chuckles as he watches Sunghoon get flustered. “Thank you.”
As soon as the man leaves, Sunghoon seizes the moment and asks, “Hey, I don’t mean to sound nosy, but are you seeing anyone?”
He didn’t mean to be so straightforward, but the opportunity was too perfect not to take it.
“Huh? I’m not. Why?” the black-haired male asks, a little confused.
Sunghoon clears his throat before speaking again. “Oh, well, I saw some photos of you with a red-haired guy on your Instagram the day I texted you.”
“Ahh, that’s my friend Jungwon!” Sunoo exclaims. There’s a lively and enthusiastic note in his tone of voice. “We happened to work together once almost a year ago, and we immediately clicked,” he explains as the sommelier pours them two glasses of Cabernet.
“Let’s toast,” Sunghoon suggests.
The younger raises his glass. “Cheers!”
They stare into each other’s eyes as they clink their glasses of wine.
The scene is so reminiscent of what they used to do in the past that Sunghoon can't help but get lost in memories. Because of this, he unexpectedly asks, "Sun, do you ever think about me, about us?"
“Hyung, this conversation is taking an unexpectedly nostalgic turn,” Sunoo says, abashed. “But yeah, sometimes. I guess it’s pretty normal to think back to what we had. And you?”
“Let’s just say you’re not that easy to forget,” the older smiles at him before lowering his gaze and starting to fiddle with his glass.
Sunoo smiles too, but Sunghoon doesn't know if it's a genuine smile. Is there a hint of bitterness, maybe? Sunoo's current thoughts prove to be challenging to decipher, which is undoubtedly unusual.
“They say first loves are never really over. I guess that’s true,” Sunoo finally utters, that same cryptic smile still tugging at his lips.
Silence falls between them for the second time this evening. This time, Sunghoon is sure it’s an uncomfortable silence for both parties.
He has no idea where he got the guts to ask these questions or why he is doing it now, but this is probably the best opportunity to satisfy his need for answers. “But why did we let everything fall apart? I’m still unable to find an answer to that, no matter how hard I try.”
Taken by surprise, the younger looks at him with wide eyes. “Hyung, I—”
Sunghoon interjects, no longer able to keep his emotions at bay, “Weren’t we perfect together?” He looks at his ex with sad eyes as he speaks again, “We used to help each other out in whatever way we could, Sunoo, always trying to look on the bright side, laughing together and creating unforgettable memories. So why did we allow everything to get ruined?”
Maybe he’s getting ahead of himself and shouldn’t bring up such sensitive topics. Not today, at least. Sunghoon genuinely wanted to have a good time. The point is that he needs to know, and he needs to know now.
His sudden bluntness shocks Sunoo. The reason behind it is pretty simple, but we’ll discuss it later. “Sunghoon,” he calls the older by his name without honorifics. “We had just gotten our first stable job when it happened, and besides, we were probably too young and inexperienced to make it work. Things got complicated suddenly; we lacked the maturity to handle all those changes…”
Since Sunghoon can’t really object, he only nods, keeping quiet for a while. He stares at his food in silence, deep in thought.
Upon noticing his ex-boyfriend’s downcast eyes and the seemingly bitter smile on his lips, Sunoo encourages him to open up, “A penny for your thoughts.”
“It’s just…” Sunghoon falters, unable to come up with the right words to say. “Do you believe in second chances?” he finally asks, eager to know.
“You never fail to amaze me. You know that, right?” Sunoo teases, chuckling softly. “Anyway, I don’t know. We’re different people now, hyung. We’ve changed,” he answers before taking a sip of wine.
“That’s the point, Sun. We’ve changed. I don’t want us to lose each other again, and honestly, I wish we could start over.” He pauses for a few seconds to carefully study Sunoo’s reaction. “As friends, I mean.”
“Ah, as friends, you say. So you want to become my best friend now? Won’t Jake feel neglected?” Sunoo jokes and then giggles, trying to lighten the mood.
Sunghoon places his hand over Sunoo's, applying just the right amount of pressure he knows his ex-boyfriend likes. “Sunoo, come on. You know what I mean.”
Sunoo examines Sunghoon’s face for a few seconds without uttering a single word. He suddenly decides to flip his hand so their palms touch, interlacing their fingers in a comforting way. “Let’s see what happens. We shouldn’t rush things, hyung. Whatever will be, will be.”
Sunghoon sighs. “Whatever will be, will be. You’re right.”
“You already know, though, that I’ll always be a little in love with you,” the younger admits. Sunghoon freezes on his spot, wide, dark brown eyes looking at Sunoo with concealed hope. “Remember? First loves… that’s how they work,” Sunoo says, smiling.
Sunghoon wishes this night would never end, but it's getting late, and they should go home.
They had a great time overall. They chatted, had dinner together, and spent around two hours enjoying a few drinks at a nearby bar. It's safe to say that Sunghoon is kind of sad that their little ‘date’ has come to an end. The only thing giving him solace is that this won't probably be the last time he sees his ex.
They're now walking side by side toward the parking lot, but the younger stops walking as soon as they cross the road and gently grabs Sunghoon by the arm.
“Thank you for today, hyung. I had a good time,” he starts. “Not to mention how happy you made me when you hit me up and agreed to meet. We should do this more often.”
As his hand begins to fix Sunoo's hair on autopilot, Sunghoon murmurs in a barely audible voice, "We definitely should."
He’d like to dig a hole and bury himself alive right now because, gosh, what right does he have to do such things? The thing is that, since he used to do it a lot in the past, flattening out Sunoo’s messy strands of hair feels just so natural to him, like an automatic body response to a stimulus.
Do you remember Sunoo’s shock upon hearing Sunghoon share his thoughts freely at the restaurant? It’s finally time to reveal why. Long story short, Sunghoon is not the type to voice his feelings openly; he’s always found it hard to express affection through words. Therefore, you'll never be able to read him and his intentions unless you start paying close attention to all the little things he does. Sunoo knows that because he’s an avid reader, and Sunghoon's always been his favorite book.
Fixing someone's hair might seem such a normal thing to do. Sunghoon is different from anyone else, though, and Sunoo knows this is his love language. He knows what this implies all too well, which is why he freezes on his spot, keeping his head tilted to meet Sunghoon's eyes and looking at him with parted lips and bated breath.
Sunghoon stares back at him, breathless, lungs completely running out of oxygen. Sunoo’s eyes blink incredibly fast, and it feels like time is standing still just for them.
Sunoo reaches out a hand to hold Sunghoon's, making the first move.
Because understanding what his ex-boyfriend wants has always been easy for Sunghoon, he bends a little as his fingertips begin tracing the contours of Sunoo’s face from his chin up to his cheek, where he finally stops. He inches closer and closer until their lips are only a few inches apart.
And here it is—that innocent brushing of lips that quickly develops into a greedy exchange of intense feelings. Hungry kisses, little bites, tongues chasing each other; it’s all too familiar.
Who cares if they're still kissing in the middle of the sidewalk late at night. Who cares if a chilly fall breeze is ruffling their hair and making them shiver; holding Sunoo in his arms feels warm and good like an endless summer.
“You know,” Sunoo whispers against Sunghoon’s lips, hands keeping his face impossibly close, “your kisses are still the best. Nothing could ever compare.”
•••
Sunghoon is lying on his bed with his legs sprawled carelessly over the blankets and his eyes tightly shut, still in deep slumber. He's alone in his room; no one's there to witness the sinful sight of a completely undressed Sunghoon, sleeping without a care in the world as the edge of a crumpled bed sheet barely hides his pelvic area. It's all quiet, peaceful.
When he eventually opens his eyes, the sound of running water is the first thing that catches his attention. He lazily sits up, sleepy and a little confused, but flops back into his bed as soon as he realizes something. Smiling and sighing in apparent satisfaction, he props both hands under his head and closes his eyes again.
Sunoo finds him like that as soon as he comes back after showering.
Upon hearing the bedroom door open, Sunghoon turns his head to the side and, with the same half-smile that has been gracing his plump lips for at least ten minutes now, looks at Sunoo from head to toe. Trails of shiny droplets make their way down Sunoo’s torso, his hair is still damp, and a lilac towel wrapped around his waist is the only thing that hinders Sunghoon from admiring his body in all its glorious beauty.
His eyes wander from Sunoo's chest up to his neck. He lingers there, where a scarlet mark stands out, beautifully coloring Sunoo's otherwise flawless, smooth skin. It’s the mark he left with his teeth when Sunoo allowed him to sink every bit of emotion into his flesh last night; Sunghoon remembers doing it.
He can't stop thinking about how everything about last night was downright perfect: their intertwined fingers, their heavy breathing, the moonlight peeking through the curtains, their moans and whimpers of pleasure, and the slow and passionate kisses. What's making Sunghoon feel butterflies in his stomach again, though, is the ghost of an electrifying sensation that sent shivers down his spine and the memory of Sunoo's tongue seductively licking from his collarbone up to his earlobe.
They didn’t have sex last night; they made love to each other just like they used to, every single time.
And because he's never been a liar, he's not afraid to admit that he missed this. The intimacy. The still lingering smell of sex. The younger’s smiley face in the morning. Sunoo.
Since the latter knows Sunghoon like the back of his hand, it's easy for him to understand what the older guy's thinking about right now. He smirks as he sits on the edge of the bed, right next to the older’s lying figure. “Good morning, sleepyhead.”
Sunoo doesn’t flinch when Sunghoon leans on his right arm and pulls him to his chest.
“Morning,” he murmurs, keeping his eyes half closed and rubbing his nose against Sunoo’s jaw. Sunoo tilts his head slightly to give Sunghoon more access when the latter starts leaving trails of slow, gentle kisses on his neck in a loving yet sensual way. “Does it hurt?” Sunghoon whispers against the red mark left by his canines before repeatedly kissing the sensitive spot with tender care.
Sunoo’s skin smells like Sunghoon’s freesia scented body wash, and the mere thought of the younger male smelling like him again drives him crazy.
“No. My makeup artist won’t be pleased though,” Sunoo chuckles as his hand starts caressing Sunghoon’s naked back with the gentleness of a thousand butterfly wings.
They stay in this position for a while, simply basking in their body warmth before Sunoo decides to pull away from Sunghoon's embrace and the comfort it provides to gather the garments he carelessly flung around yesterday.
As the younger begins to put his clothes on, Sunghoon looks at him intently as if he’s thinking hard before making his next move. Before it’s too late, he speaks again. “Sun,” he calls, reaching out to grab his hand. “Stay.”
“I’d like to stay a little longer, hyung,” the other utters as he carefully studies his hand in Sunghoon’s bigger one, “but I’m late for work.” Sunoo doesn’t think twice before bringing Sunghoon’s hand to his mouth, velvety lips gently kissing his knuckles.
“That’s not what I mean,” Sunghoon corrects him right away, slightly pulling Sunoo closer once again. “Please stay. In my life,” he finally tells him as a hopeful glint begins to shine in his eyes.
Since Sunghoon wants him to, Sunoo thinks he'll stay. Leaving their home again seems out of the question now.