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“Was there ever a time you actually loved me?” Jisung croaked as tears ran down his face. His boyfriend, his best friend, had told him that he wanted to break up.
Ever since Jisung was young, Chenle had always been by his side. It had always been Chenle and Jisung, Jisung and Chenle.
As the end of high school approached, Jisung realized that he had feelings for his best friend. He hid those feelings for as long as he could until he couldn’t take it anymore. One night when the two were wandering the streets past midnight, Jisung finally said it. When he confessed, it took Chenle off guard, but he told Jisung that he also liked him. That marked the start of their relationship.
Chenle looked down at his hands, “It was never more than as a friend,” the raven-haired boy’s voice shook, “I’m sorry, Jisung.”
Neither Jisung nor Chenle had been in a relationship before. They both experienced their first with each other.
“Then why,” the boy with the pink faded hair hiccuped, “Why did you say you liked me in the same way?”
“I didn’t want to lose you,” Scared tears fell down Chenle’s cheeks, “I was stupid and thought that was the only way you would stay.”
“So,” Jisung whipped his tear filled eyes with his oversized hoodie sleeves, “It was all a lie? Every time you kissed me, every time you told me you loved me, was it all a lie?”
Slowly, Chenle nodded, “I’m really sorry Jisung,” there was a long pause before the raven-haired boy spoke again, “Can we still be friends?” his voice cracked.
Jisung felt his heart break once more, “I can’t answer you now. I have to go.”
Just like that, Jisung rushed out of their shared apartment and ran to his car, not knowing where to go. He sat behind the wheel and started the car. His tears continued to flow so rapidly that the road blurred as he drove. Blinking, he tried to get the tears to cease, but they wouldn’t stop. Ultimately, Jisung decided to park the car and just let his feelings take a hold of him.
After far too long, the tears finally dried up, Jisung had to figure out where the hell he was. The side street he had ended up on looked completely unfamiliar to him. The boy had unknowingly left all of his personal belongings in the apartment, so he was officially lost.
Frustration started to build up in Jisung’s body as he had stupidly rushed out without a second thought. The one thing he figured he could do was find the nearest convenience store and go from there.
When he reached the convenience store he parked his car and glanced in the rear-view mirror. He saw how the moonlight bounced off his dry tears. There was no use in trying to hide them.
Jisung kept his eyes turned downward as he entered the brightly lit store. Slowly he made his way to where the cashier was standing, “Do you by chance have a pay phone or something? I accidentally left my phone at home and I got lost,” He tried to make eye contact with the cashier, but in his dejected state, it was difficult to keep it up.
A sweet voice came from the person behind the counter, “We don’t have a pay phone unfortunately, but if you want, you can use my cell phone to make a call.” They sent Jisung a smile in an attempt to comfort him in any way they could.
“Really?” Jisung made eye contact with the cashier, disbelief apparent on his face. The cashier just nodded and started to take their phone out of their pocket. “Here,” Jisung handed them his keys, “Just so you know I won’t steal your phone.” The two swapped belongings, and Jisung used the ‘Emergency’ button to dial in a phone number.
The phone rang three times until the person on the other side picked up, “Hello? Who is this?” The voice immediately let a feeling of comfort wash over Jisung.
“It’s Jisung,” his voice became slightly lighter, but it was still weighed down by the events of the night, “Jaemin, Chenle and I broke up.”
“Oh shit,” Jaemin’s voice was near a whisper, “Are you okay? Why didn’t you call me from your phone?”
“I left it in the apartment and I have no clue where I am,” His eyes started to well up once again and he let out a shaky breath, “Can you come find me? I have my car but that’s it.”
“Of course Ji. Can you tell me where you are and the cross streets?”
Jisung looked back at the cashier and asked what the cross streets were and they told him with a small smile. The boy relayed the information to Jaemin—on the other end, he could hear the sound of him opening and closing the door to his apartment.
“I’m going to hop on the bus to get to you Ji. I’ll be there soon okay?” Jisung could hear the wind from outside through the call
“Okay. Thank you Jaem,” the boy hung up on his friend and handed the phone back to the cashier with a bow, “Thank you for letting me use your phone.”
They nodded, “I hope you feel better,” another small smile was placed on their lips, “You should go take a seat while you wait for your friend,” they handed his keys back to him and ushered the boy to the small table next to the window of the convenience store.
Twenty minutes passed by achingly slowly before Jaemin came rushing into the convenience store. His face was red and he was out of breath. He scanned the store before his eyes fell on the lanky boy sitting at the table. “Jisung,” he breathed, a frown carved into his face.
Jisung got up from where he was sitting and threw himself into Jaemin’s arms. The tears started to fall once again as Jaemin held him in his arms, “You’re going to be okay Ji,” Jaemin rubbed circles on Jisung’s back, “Do you want me to drive you back to my apartment?” Jisung silently nodded into his shoulder and parted from the older’s arms. He swiftly bowed to the cashier who bowed back with a smile.
Jaemin had always been like the older brother that Jisung never had. Being two years older, Jaemin had a bit more knowledge than Jisung and was always there for the boy whenever he needed absolutely anything. The two had a special connection that Jisung couldn’t imagine having with anyone other than Jaemin.
As they arrived at Jaemin’s apartment, the older’s phone started blowing up with text messages. Jisung glanced between the phone and Jaemin with knit eyebrows. “Chenle just found that your phone is in the kitchen. He’s freaking out,” Jaemin calmly told the other, “Can I tell him you are with me and safe?”
“Yeah of course,” He nodded rapidly, “I don’t want him to worry about me too much,” he frowned.
Swiftly, Jaemin typed into his phone before locking it and once again directing his full attention to Jisung, “Do you want to head inside and cuddle with me and my plushies and talk about what happened?”
“Yes, please.”
»»———— 💔 ————««
The week passed by extraordinarily slowly for Jisung. The boy had tried to do everything in his power to keep his mind off of the way his heart broke every time he saw Chenle and said nothing to him. Jisung had moved some of his belongings out of their shared apartment to Jaemin’s. He couldn’t bear the thought of being in the same apartment as Chenle before they cleared the air and Jisung cleared his head.
As Jisung drove back to Jaemin’s apartment, he saw a beauty store and thought he might as well look at some hair dye. His hair was barely holding any of the pink that was supposed to be in his hair, so he decided it was time to start over. As he scanned the aisle, he looked over all the colors, before grabbing one and heading to the cash register to pay for it.
When Jisung arrived at the apartment, Jaemin was in the kitchen cooking dinner for the two of them. He said a quick ‘hi’ before he continued to pay attention to the food on the stove.
“Jaem?” Jisung asked as he walked up to the older, “Do you think we can dye my hair tonight?” He raised up the plastic bag with the dye in it, “I think it’s time for a change.”
“Sure Sung,” Jaemin gave him a quick smile before he asked the boy to help with preparing dinner.
Once the two finished with their dinner, Jaemin dragged Jisung into the bathroom and started preparing all of the supplies that they would need, “So, what color are we going to be dying your hair today Ji?” Jaemin had plenty of at home experience with hair dye so Jisung was sure that it would go over well.
“I’m going back to black,” Jisung stated as he pulled the bottle out of the plastic bag, “The pink isn’t really in my hair anyways so might go back to where my hair started.”
Jaemin raised his eyebrow slightly but shook it off, “If you’re sure that’s what you want, I’ll help you then.”
“I am certain Jaemin, I promise.”
»»———— 💔 ————««
With the change of Jisung’s outward appearance and a few days of building up his courage, the raven-haired boy finally decided it was time to finish getting closure with Chenle. Jaemin had been softly nudging him toward speaking with Chenle, but he knew that they both needed time to process the end of their romantic relationship.
Jisung had messaged Chenle earlier that day letting him know that he was finally ready to talk about everything. The other boy told him that they should meet out at a park to finish their conversation.
Jisung’s breath shook as he walked up to the park they had decided to meet at. It was a warm summer evening, yet Jisung was wearing long sweatpants and a black short sleeve shirt. As he made it to the entrance of the park, he saw Chenle leaning against a light post, searching his surroundings with fleeting eyes.
“Hey,” Jisung’s voice cracked the moment he decided to speak. His nerves were noticeable to the other but Jisung committed to clearing the air rather than running away.
“Hi,” Chenle brought his attention to the taller, “Do you want to go find a bench to sit on rather than just standing around?” A small smile was on his face along with his soft caring voice. Jisung’s heart broke once again.
Jisung nodded with a forced smile. Chenle pushed himself off the light post and made his way into the park with Jisung following closely behind.
When the two took a seat, Jisung noticed just how beautiful the surroundings were. His heart hurt as he marked each and every flower that was blooming in the flowerbeds, knowing that if this conversation didn’t end well, he wouldn’t have the will to return to the park in the future.
“So…” Jisung trailed off, uncertain if his words would come out right when he spoke, “Do you want to start or do you want me to start?”
“I’d rather start,” Chenle turned to Jisung, looking the other in the eye, “I’m sorry I didn’t explain everything in the right order,” Chenle took a deep breath and put his hand on top of Jisung’s “Sung, I’m aromantic and asexual. I don't feel the same feelings you feel towards me. I have always liked you aesthetically and platonically, but it’s a different kind of love that I feel for you. I don’t want to keep you into a relationship that I couldn’t relate to. I’m sorry Jisung.”
Jisung immediately took Chenle’s hand into his, “Oh Chenle,” he frowned, “I’m not sure how long you’ve been trying to figure out these feelings, but thank you for telling me. I am grateful that you could trust me to tell me. I’m sorry if I made things difficult for you at all. It will take me some time to get over you romantically, but I will always love you in any way you want me to.”
Tears flooded down Chenle’s cheeks as he threw his arms around Jisung’s neck and his face into the boy’s chest, “I couldn’t have asked for a better best friend,” Jisung rubbed circles on Chenle’s back even though his heart ached at the words best friend. He would have to get used to it again.
Once the two split, there was a moment of silence before Jisung spoke again, “Lele, how did you figure it out?”
“Well, I definitely started to connect the dots when I heard the way you talked about your feelings for me,” Chenle pulled at his fingers nervously. Jisung noticed and grabbed both of his hands and nodded for him to continue. A small smile formed on Chenle’s face, “It took a while and a lot of research for me to put words to my feelings but I’m really glad I was able to.”
Jisung squeezed the other’s hand, “I am too,” he smiled
“Hey,” Chenle spoke quietly, “I did like your small pecks though,” he smiled shyly as he lowered his eyes to the concrete ground.
Jisung hummed before speaking, “I need to get over you Le,” he said bluntly, “But I’ll give you one last one to close this chapter of our life.”
“Really?” Chenle raised his eyes to make contact with Jisung’s, hope in his voice.
A small smile played on Jisung’s lips seeing Chenle be so precious. He didn’t know how the hell he’d get over the older, but at least he could give him one last good moment of their relationship.
Jisung cupped Chenle’s cheeks and slowly moved in. Chenle’s breath danced upon Jisung’s lips before the younger captured their lips together. In a blink of an eye, the two pulled apart, a happy smile spread across Chenle’s face.
Jisung mirrored the boy’s expression and stroked his cheek, “Thank you for giving me a good first relationship, even if it wasn’t ideal for either of us.”