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Megumi doesn't need to be told, he knows his feelings for Gojo are inappropriate. He knows the way people would look at him if word ever got out, how Gojo would look at him. In their eyes, he's just a boy falling for the first hand to reach out to him. A victim clinging onto their saviour, confusing their gratefulness for love. Shallow, Megumi doesn't need to hear those words, he doesn't need to be made a victim of statistics. He doesn't want to be insulted and most importantly he does not want to taint these feelings for his first love. So he shoves it down, digs a whole and buries it within the deepest part of his heart. It was meant to stay there but had anything in his life ever been that simple.
Maybe it was the hormones or maybe the increasing distant between them but lately, Megumi's been over flowing. His affection for the older has grown ten fold, sometimes Megumi feels like he's about to fall apart. He can feel cracks along his skin, seams threatening to tear open and flood the space with every suppressed emotion. If he did, everyone would know, Gojo would know and Megumi can't have that. In his dreams, he digs a deeper hole, larger, vaster, a bottomless pit to devour all these taboo feelings. Tucked away in the darkest part of his soul, he'll keep his precious feelings safe from any wandering eyes or cruel words. It's enough. For the first time in many months, Megumi feels like he can fully breath in Gojo's presence. He steals little glances, even so his heart beat remains strangely steady. To spend time with Gojo without the fear of unrequited love looming over him is blissful. He makes sure to feed the precious moments to the vast hole in soul when he slumbers. He feels better than he has in years.
But something peculiar is going on. A crisis that seems to weigh on Gojo, Megumi can tell cause Megumi can always tell. There's a shikigami user on the loose causing chaos, just utter destruction. It seems to attack at random with no motive and Gojo can never find it in time. Elusive as it is powerful, a roaring tiger as described by a few witnesses. Megumi's never heard of a tiger shikigami but his teachings were limited.
This would continue for months. The attacks growing more and more frequent as Gojo grows more and more quiet. He knows something but keeps diverting the topic at the last minute. Megumi allows him, playing a willing distraction. Gojo insists they go out more often, visit familiar places from his childhood. They have a picnic and reminisce about the time Tsumiki was around to join them. They visit the shrines, Megumi's favourite Chinese restaurant, the arcade, a bakery. It feels so familiar to Megumi, he almost finds himself nodding off to sleep, knowing Gojo would carry him home. But the idea is quickly discarded when his intrusive thoughts questions if he can slip into Gojo's bed like he used to as a child. Bad Megumi, he chastises himself. He frowns when the usual guilt and disgust doesn't make an appearance. That's odd, he's usually quick to berate himself for sexualising Gojo, disgusted by the unsavoury thoughts that crop up but now he feels... Fine. It's nice. If only it could stay that way, they can remain like this forever.
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Nanami isn't a stickler for rules but he can't turn a blind eye to injustice and that is exactly what Gojo has asked him to do. That phantom tiger, the elusive terror that has been plaguing the City has been more active than ever. Despite Gojo reassuring him that he would handle it. Nanami is well aware of his own limits, he's clearly outmatched. As much as his conscience tells him to scrap the deal with Gojo and pursue the shikigami on his own, he knows he cannot win.
Plus, the visual of the strongest sorcerer on his knees begging him to retreat haunts him. Gojo was meant to be infallible and yet, he had so earnestly, so desperately dropped to his knees and asked Nanami to walk away from the phantom tiger. If not for the confirmation he received afterwards, Nanami would have brushed him off. If only it was that simple, if only his suspicions hadn't been proven to be true, if only the phantom tiger didn't belong to Fushiguro Megumi. Things would have been different.
Gojo dodges his calls. Nanami is left with no other choice but to issue a deadline. A simple text stating he has until payday to sort this out or Nanami will have no choice but to report it. Given Gojo's history of letting Geto escape paired with Sukuna's vessel, the higher ups won't go easy on him. Of course Nanami can't be sure they won't drag Itadori into the punishment, which is why he's counting on Gojo doing the right thing.
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That would have been easier if Gojo knew what the right thing was. The phantom tiger has been on a war path for weeks, mostly destroying property. No humans had been harmed, no matter how extensive the damage was. Furthermore, it refused to engage with sorcerers in battle, choosing to ignore any threats. Which only made it even more terrifying cause not a single attack did any damage. A shikigami immune to curse techniques, that's the brief Gojo and Nanami had received. A special grade threat.
All of this chaos, all the while Megumi laid peacefully asleep in his bed. Gojo had checked and checked again. Despite the boy's curse energy running amok, he seemed blissfully unaware. He had no knowledge of a tiger shikigami and Gojo refuses to entertain the idea that Megumi is lying. That might be hypocritical of him considering how he lied about Yuuji's passing but the bond they shared did not allow for dishonesty. Megumi wouldn't lie to him nor did he have reason to. And yet Gojo couldn't ignore the subtle changes in Megumi. He seemed more at ease, softer, like a spring that had been uncoiled. He moved languidly during battle, spoke decisively when on their outings. These little changes didn't go unnoticed, Gojo knew him all too well to allow it.
He had been sure this phantom creature was born from suppressed emotions. Which is why he had taken Megumi out, tried to coax any info out of him. They had spoken about Tsumiki, Sukuna and Yuuji. He new these occurrences weighed heavily on the teenager but the guilt was to be shared, Megumi didn't have to carry it alone. But if that
wasn't the cause then what was? Could it be Toji, did Megumi unconsciously seek answers pertaining to his birth. Gojo wasn't ready for that conversation, he sure as hell wasn't gonna bring it up on his own. So he had taken Megumi to their favourite places from when he was young, hoping it would remind Megumi of the time where they were closer. A time Megumi regarded him as the strongest and not the man that couldn't save Tsumiki or the teacher that lied about his friend's death. Anything, he'd do anything for Megumi to confide in him.
Nanami's deadline looms over him, he has to think quick. Time is not on his side and apparently neither is luck. The Phantom tiger makes another appearance, Gojo feels it before he's even notified. Megumi's curse energy signals danger, it's overwhelming and unstable. Nothing like what Megumi was currently capable of.
Welp, Yaga makes sure to pay them first thing in the morning. So that leaves Gojo with tonight.
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Megumi’s been sleeping well. A little too well, not that he’s complaining. He credits it to the increase of training, not forgetting attending gojo’s whims outside of missions.
Tonight however, he’s not so lucky. Tonight he’s slumber is plagued by dread, it pools at his feet. The liquid is black as ink and when megumi touches it, it burns cold at his fingertips, sending a shiver up he’s spin. He feels sick, nauseous like there is a creature twisting in his guts. It hurts, he’s sinking into the ink and he can’t escape. He wants to call out for help, for Gojo but he can’t. There’s ink spilling from his mouth.
The dream breaks, he’s pulled back to reality at the peak of his insanity. There’s banging on his door, Yuuji’s voice hollering. He can barely make out the words, his heart beating too loud, he’s breathing taking up all the space. It must be urgent, it has to be. He gathers his wits and swipes at the cold sweat before opening the door.
True to his assumptions, Yuuji looks stricken and the words that fall from his mouth strikes fear to Megumi’s already fragile core.
“Gojo-sensei’s in danger,”
“No,” Megumi whispers, “no no no.”
Nanami is there too, his gaze heavy on Megumi, ”Let’s go.”
Megumi doesn’t answer, he’s already pulling on his shoes. To hell with his uniform.
They arrive at port just before 12, a row of lower grade sorcerer scattered around the veil. They won’t let them in, “on Gojo’s orders”. Nanami and Megumi share a look, one that Megumi knows all too well. He grabs Yuuji and makes a run for it, leaving Nanami to hinder the other sorcerers.
Once inside, a wave nausea hits them. The fluctuating curse energy is beyond anything he’s ever encountered and only some of it belongs to Gojo. It’s madness. Yuuji is speaking to him but Megumi pays him no mind, he makes a break for the source of this madness.
Closer he gets, the more oppressing the energy becomes, the more worried he gets. To have to worry about the strongest, this day was never supposed to come.
Once out of the maze of containers, he spots the monstrosity of a shikigami. It’s indeed a tiger, large and white with black stripes that move like flames upon it’s body. It’s massive, far larger than Bansho. He’s never seen it before but he instinctively recognises the curse energy as his own. He had awarded the sense of familiarity to Gojo but no, this shikigami was his. How is that even possible, there was no way he could maintain such an entity. Bansho alone was enough to deplete majority of his curse energy, this thing was out of his league.
Still it was his, his to command,“ Step back!”
The mass moves, twisting around to peer over his shoulder at Megumi. It’s gaze is piercing, glowing yellow as it regards Megumi. Only then does megumi notice Gojo pinned underneath the tiger, sprawled out battered and bloody.
To gave inflicted such damage to the strongest, was this monster really born from him? That didn’t matter now, he needed to get to Gojo. He needed to understand just what was going on, he was sure Gojo would know what to do.
A fleeting emotion flit over the shikigami's fiery gaze, it was mocking him. This shikigami did not recognise Megumi as it’s master. Fuck.
There’s no time to strategise. Yuuji sprints forth, landing a punch that does little. The tiger regards him lazily before returning his gaze back to Megumi. Challenging him. A shikigami that’s immune to curse energy. Gojo had mentioned it in passing but refused to share anything more. It was unlike him to be so tight lipped about a mission. Something was awry. Megumi didn't have time for that, he needed to find a way to defeat this beast. It might not recognise him as it's master but it was surely being fuelled by his curse energy. Megumi could simply disrupt that but he heard of just how elusive this thing was.
Megumi can't risk it escaping, he had to time it perfectly. Thankfully Yuuji trusted him wholly and vice versa. It would work..
1 2 - “Yuuji use back flash!”
“No!” Gojo croaks from the ground but it's too late.
As soon as Yuuji lands a hit, Megumi is falling to his knees, blood spilling from his lips. It’s like his ribs had been crushed, he knows the feeling too well. The tiger too, staggers, hissing in pain. It's flaming stripes had partially diminished when Megumi purposely staggered his curse energy but now it burned wildly. It's recovery was remarkable.
Yuuji turns to him in concern only for the tiger’s tails to swipe him aside, a wave of electricity paralysing him.
It starts to dawn on megumi, this is why Gojo wasn’t engaging it in battle. He knew this shikigami was an extension of Megumi.
Times running out, Megumi can’t make sense of this. The tiger sets his sights on Gojo once again.
Why was this happening, he had loved Gojo with all his heart, he would devote his life to this man. Why was he the one harming him. He couldn’t even stop it, what kind of cruel punishment was this. Gojo was the strongest, he should have casted Megumi aside and defeated the shikigami. Why was he going this far? Megumis’s spiralling, amongst the storm is a moment of calm. This part of him that he can't control only wanted to harm Gojo, it had taken no life before. In most cases it would flee but it stayed because Gojo was here. It never evaded Gojo, Gojo was the one avoiding it.
If only one of them could survive this, it had to be Gojo. If these were his final moments, then he should say,” Satoru, I love you.”
He already knows the answer, ”I know Megumi, don’t talk like your about to d-”
“No,” he can’t die like a coward, ”no, I’m involve with you.”
That’s why, he prepares the seal for Mahoraga, I won’t let you live with the trauma of killing me, ”take Yuuji and GO-“
He's interrupted by the piercing wail of the shikigami. It writhes in agony, crying and gurgling until it’s puking up a black sphere of sludge, the oozing substance dripping from it’s mouth….almost like coughing up a hair ball.
It hits Megumi like a train, he’s body going rigid as a wave of emotion washes over him. Tears spill freely from his eyes as he everything he’s buried inside rises to the surface. Each suppressed emotion, each interaction and memory rushes through him until he’s collapsing into himself. “No,” he had said it, hadn’t he,” No, NO.” Gojo knows, everyone would know. Yuuji, Nanami, everyone. The panic is tangible, he can’t hold back his voice, his cries growing louder and louder. He’s coming undone. Everyone will see, Gojo will see. Things can never go back now, now that the cats out of the bag.
“It’s ruined,” he sobs,” ruined, ruined, ruined.”
“Megumi,” it’s Gojo, his hand clutching Megumi’s shoulder.
But Megumi is too ashamed, too appalled by his own actions. He wants to disappear, sink into the ocean that threatened to drown him. Anything but be here, anything but feel like this.
“Megumi,” Gojo calls out again, followed by what could only be described as a meow.
It’s a weak meow, one you would expect from an injured kitten. Unfurling himself, Megumi finally looks up. Hovering above him is Gojo with a two toned cat on his shoulder, it’s face a perfect split of white and black fur, it’s eyes a flaming orange. It's no larger than a house cat. It peers down at Megumi curiously and it finally sinks in.
“T-thats the tiger?” He hiccups.
Gojo smiles, nodding weakly as the cat hops down. It’s so small and adorable, Megumi naturally wants to hold it. As he stares into the fiery gaze, he can’t help but feel like he’s seen it before. Unlike the tiger, there is mentions of a cat shikigami but this cat in front of him feels more than just familiar, it feels safe and warm.
“You were the one, you were the hole devouring all my fears,” he remembers stuffing everything he didn’t want to feel in it, everything he couldn’t care to feel,”It must have been hard. You must have felt so sick. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He’s crying again.
He doesn't remember the last time he cried. He never cried, not even when Tsumiki was struck by a curse.
Long fingers weave through his hair, Gojo is smiling down at him, ”you did well.”
"But,” he hugs the cat tighter, ”I ruined everything. I don’t want to feel this way, please, it’s not my fault.” Please don’t blame, don’t leave me.
That would be the most appropriate thing for Gojo to do, put some distance between them until Megumi 'outgrew' these feelings. He knows but he just can’t accept it.
“Hey, hey,” Gojo hunches down and pulls Megumi closer, ”it’s alright.”
He just thinks it’s a stupid crush, Megumi knows it.
“It’s not,” he pulls away, a panic attack is ensuing, ”don’t say that, don’t.” Don’t mock me.
He’s choking, there’s suddenly no air reaching his lungs. The warmth of the cat bundled in his arms is all he can feel. There’s flurry of movement until Gojo is pulling him to his chest. Megumi should be overjoyed by this position, if only he was capable of feeling anything through the loud panic parading around in his head.
“Breath,” Gojo’s voice is faint but it’s something,”in…out,”
Megumi rests his head against Gojo’s chest, feeling the man’s chest, feeling the man’s chest rise and fall. He does his best to mimic.
“Easy there,” Gojo pulls him back from insanity.
Megumi can hear his heartbeat, can feel it pumping through the layers of muscle and organs. He counts along until Gojo draws away.
“Hi there,” he smiles down at Megumi who avoids the concerned gaze.
They’re no longer at the bay, at some point Gojo must have transported them to his usually vacant apartment. It’s a bland space, a mixture of various shades of white. Obviously not lived in much.
He feels like trash, he hurt Gojo and yet Gojo was the was the one taking care of him.
“I’m sorr-“ he never gets to apologise, Gojo’s seals their lips together and Megumi once again, forgets how to breath. The sensation is surreal, it feels so intimate and out-worldly. The tension melts away, the warmth of Gojo's lips seeping into him. This was not some game, at worst, it was a crime. There would be consequences, there would be disdain and pitiful stares but none of that seemed as important as it did before. None of that could ever convince Megumi that this union was anything other than divine. He would feel every inch of it, ten times over if he had to because this was worth fighting for. He had been a fool to think otherwise.
When they break a part breathless, their foreheads still touching, Gojo looks so benevolent. Megumi wants to cry, so he does.
“It’s okay,” Gojo kisses at the tears clumsily, their noses bumping, ”We’ll take it one day at time.”