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Ricky had not felt this nervous in a very long time, but he knew he couldn’t control his feelings anymore. After being away for a few months, he was finally back to Salt Lake City, wanting to see his parents and high school friends again. There was also someone else he wanted to see, but it wasn’t the same.
Ricky and Nini knew each other since they were little and were inseparable ever since. For years they fell into an on-and-off relationship which didn’t seem to end, but it still felt right somehow. However, some years after graduating and leaving everything he knew behind, Ricky wasn’t so sure of what was right anymore.
As soon as he got back to Utah, he called Nini, asking for them to meet. She was barely in town since her singing career took off, but he figured she would come back for the holidays, and he was right. When she agreed to meet, Ricky panicked. He knew what he was supposed to do, but knowing how to do it was something else.
As he was sitting there at the Salt Lake Slices, he began to doubt everything. Did he really want things to end like this? Things weren’t exactly the same anymore, but it could just be something they had to go through together, right? Or was it really the right time? Ricky didn’t know what the right answer was, but he was sure about what he felt like the right thing to do.
“Ricky!” Big Red suddenly appeared in front of him, sitting on a chair near, excited as ever “How are you feeling?”
“I don’t know, man” he shrugged “But thank you again for closing the restaurant for this.”
“It’s nothing, really. You know I’d do anything for young love…” his smile got smaller when he noticed what he said “Or it dying, anyway. Do you need anything else?”
“No, everything’s alright. You don’t even need to be here, you know? I can close everything once it’s over, you can just go to your home and enjoy the night.”
“Don’t even think about it. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.” at that moment, they heard a knock on the door.
Big Red got up quickly and ran to the door to open it. When Nini got inside, he greeted her and immediately ran to the back of the pizzeria, mouthing “Good luck” to his friend as he disappeared in the kitchen.
“Hi” Nini murmured as she got closer.
She was different. Nini still had her long hair and beautiful brown eyes. She got some tattoos when she got out of high school, but Ricky knew about them too. Maybe it was something in her walk or in the way she looked at him, but something definitely was off.
“Hey” he decided to ignore that weird feeling “How are things?”
"It's great! I have some shows coming up next year” right after school ended, Nini enrolled in a singing career. Since then, she released a whole album and was getting a lot of attention from it. Secretly, Ricky liked hearing it everyday because her voice was one of his favorite sounds “How’s Stanford?”
“It’s alright, I guess. Classes are kinda hard but I really like it”
Ricky really wanted to keep talking. He wanted to tell her about how much studying psychology meant to him and how going to therapy changed him for the good. He could talk about how he missed her, how he missed them and how he knew that wasn’t enough to prevent him from what he was about to do. Knowing all this, he just kept quiet and staring at the table, because the thought of breaking up with Nini was scary.
They started being friends at a very young age and were inseparable ever since. Some years later, Ricky realized that feeling he got whenever Nini was around wasn’t just happiness to be near her and, luckly, she came to the same conclusion a few months later. They started dating and they suddenly became high school sweethearts. Everyone loved Rini, as people liked to call them. They were the “Troy and Gabriella” of East High School (in fact, they even played the couple at a play). Even with their ups and downs, they still had some of the best moments of their lives together. Putting an end to such a long and meaningful relationship was the scariest thing he had ever done. But, as he grew, Ricky figured that, sometimes, doing the thing that scares you to death can also be the best thing you can do.
Ricky took a deep breath, admiring his girlfriend’s calming face before he told her everything.
“So… What are your plans for the holidays?”
“Nothing much. I’m spending Christmas with my moms and Kourt asked me over her house for New Years.” Ricky just nodded in response and Nini tried reaching for his hand, seamingly worried “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, it’s just…” the boy turned his head to the kitchen, just to make sure they had the privacy needed “We need to talk.”
“We’re talking.” Nini shrugged, a little smile on her face.
“Oh, it’s a different kind of talking.” he let himself laugh a little, but then returned to a straight face “You know, we’ve been apart these last months. It’s not our fault, of course, but it bugs me.”
“Ugh. I know, right? I want to call you, like, everyday, but there’s always some interview or recording to do! I miss the days when we saw each other everyday.”
“Yeah, but that’s not the only problem, is it?” Ricky noticed he was playing with Nini’s hands. Her soft touch against his fingers distracted him from knowing that his broken heart would break hers in a few minutes “I mean, we could talk once a week and meet when we can both be in town and still make this work. But something feels off, doesn’t it? You know what I mean?”
“I’m not sure.” at this point, Nini’s voice was closer to a murmur.
“It doesn’t feel the same as before and I think you feel it too. It’s nothing like “we’re growing and changing, so our relationship must be changing too”, right? I’ve been thinking about it for weeks, Nini. I love you, but… sometimes love isn’t enough.” their eyes were locked, he could feel the shock and the sadness in her.
“Love isn’t enough? That doesn’t make sense. Love has always been enough.” she insisted.
“It was! But we got out of high school and we grew up. Now, there’s something missing, but I don’t understand what it is.”
Nini Salazar-Roberts was like a ray of sunshine, she was always smiling and talking to everybody around her. So Ricky was surprised when she didn’t try to find an answer to his questions: instead, she just stood quiet and looked at their hands. Maybe that was the last chance for their fingers to be entangled like that.
“I’m sorry.” he tried to get her attention, but it didn’t work. The silence prevailed between them for the longest minutes Ricky had ever lived through, until he spoke again “Please say something.”
“What can I say? You seem really convinced.” her tone was somewhat a mix of sadness and sarcasm, a sign that she felt powerless.
“I am, but I want to know how you feel.” he insisted.
“You wanna know how I feel while you’re breaking up with me?” Nini let out a weird laugh “I feel like shit, Ricky. We’ve been dating since senior year! I dated EJ, you dated Gina, and we still managed to get back to each other and for what? For you to end things because you don’t feel like it anymore?”
“That’s not it!” Ricky felt his voice raising a little. He hated being blamed like that, but that wasn’t Nini’s fault either. Instead, he took a deep breath and waited a while to continue talking “What’s the best part of our relationship? Other than the fact that we love each other.”
“You’re the person I like talking to the most. You’re my best friend.”
“And you’re my best friend too, but we’ve been apart since school ended. And I know that we don’t have to see or be with each other every second of the day to be a couple, but we rarely get time to talk. Between your shows and studio sessions and my studies, we don’t have time together. I mean, it was a miracle we got to see each other today.”
“So this is about time, then? You’ll be out of college soon. We can figure out somewhere we both like and move there. I’ll still be away for shows, but it won’t be that much time away.”
“Nini, listen to me. That’s not the only problem. Don’t you feel something has changed between us?”
This time, she just got up and started walking. Ricky didn’t know what to do, he wanted to tell her the truth and set her free, but the process was clearly hurting the both of them. Suddenly, he thought of a different approach.
“Do you remember the feeling of dating EJ? Of looking at my face and still knowing you loved me, but it wasn’t the same kind of love?” Nini immediately looked at him from across the room “Actually, I know you remember it. You told me.”
She led out the littlest laugh and Ricky considered that as a sign that he finally chose the right way to lead that conversation. He got up and slowly started getting closer to her.
“It was weird, that’s actually how I feel about EJ now. It must be the same for Gina, right?” Ricky nodded “But why are you asking me this now?”
“Well, let’s just say I’m you, and you’re me and I’m dating EJ, but I’m not actually dating EJ, it’s just a metaphor” he let it out as fast as he could, stumbling on his own words “Yeah, that’d be weird, but you get it.”
“So… You don’t feel the same anymore.”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to say.” Ricky laughed a little, trying to make it a little more bearable.
Even with all his attempts, the silence still prevailed in that pizzeria. For a moment, Ricky wondered if Big Red was still in the kitchen, listening to all of it and acting like he was already gone. He shook his head, trying to get his best friend off his mind, that definitely wasn’t the proper time.
Nini sat down at the nearest table and just ignored everything and everyone around her. Ricky remembered all those times she did the exact same thing when she was upset, and he remembered when she acted like that when they were at Prom. She just had a huge argument with her moms about her future and Ricky rushed in to fix things. Even with all the drama, it was a sweet memory. He thought of sharing it with her, just because they told each other everything, but he figured it would just make things worse, so he shut up.
“You know what?” Nini finally spoke up “You are right. Things are a little off”
“Really?”
“Actually yes, we barely talk anymore. It’s better if we break up.” she was acting weird. Suddenly accepting the situation and endorsing his points was something Ricky didn't expect would happen. She would get angry or sad, but understanding wasn’t a feeling Nini would usually get, unless…
“You are trying to be the bigger person” he stated and it finally caught Nini’s attention.
“What do you mean?”
“Acting like you understand and agree with me. That’s not like you.”
“And what am I like?” this time her eyes were completely directed to him.
“You’re sensitive. You have a lot of feelings and you own them.” he sat right in front of her “That’s not a bad thing, just so you know.”
“No, it’s not.” she agreed with a little laugh and Ricky noticed that, this time, there were tears starting to form in her eyes.
He wanted to tell her that her feelings were one of his favorite parts about her. He wanted to tell her that it was one of the reasons he realized he was in love with her. He wanted to tell her he was feeling it too, he was gutted. He wanted to tell her so many things, but he just kept quiet.
“Everything’s gonna change now, right?” she let out, melancholic.
“Probably, I don’t know.” he shrugged “Honestly, I wish I could tell you we’re gonna be fine, but I can’t”
“Oh, Ricky.” she reached for his hand, noticing a single tear streaming down his face “You don’t have to.”
“I should. It’s my fault we’re breaking up.”
“That’s more like our fault, right? We let things change” Nini kept stroking his hand, calming him in a way.
“I don’t know, maybe you’re right, but still.” he didn’t bother to finish his sentence.
“Let’s not think about it.”
That weird silence came back once again. Neither of them knew what to do, maybe it would be better if they did nothing. Ricky couldn’t help but think about all of the great times they had together, and there were many. They were not only a couple, but childhood friends. They were there for each other at their worst times, even before romantic feelings began. To think that this could shortly come to an end was terrifying.
“Nini,” Ricky was surprised when his voice broke “do you remember when we were kids, all those times we had a great time just by being next to each other?”
“Yeah, we had some great moments, right?” she looked nostalgic.
“Definitely.” he laughed, then decided to tell her what he was thinking “We’ve been together for so long… You’re my best friend, Nini, and I love you. I don’t wanna lose this, but maybe it’s better if we don’t see each other for a while.”
She didn’t say anything. Instead, she just nodded. After it all, it would be better to accept things as they were.
“I hate this, but it’ll be for the best.” she finally said.
He got up, letting out a loud sigh.
“I hate it too.” he shrugged “So… are we good?”
“Yes, we’re ok.” she got up as well and hugged her friend.
Ricky wasn’t one to cry, but at that moment, he felt tears falling uncontrollably down his face. He could also feel Nini’s shoulders shaking. That hug felt like the definite end.
They didn’t let go of each other for a long time. To Ricky, it felt like hours and a few seconds at the same time, even if it lasted a few minutes. His feelings were as clear as ever: he felt sad for ending that cycle, but he also felt relieved. Relieved to end something that wasn’t good anymore, to set Nini free to chase whatever her career had coming for her, and to finally start to stand up for himself and get his life where he wanted.
“I guess this is it.” he said as they let go.
“It is.” Nini confirmed and started to walk away. As she got closer to the door, she turned around “I’ll see you later, Ricky.”
He watched as she went through the door and slowly walked away. In a moment, Ricky was alone again, but this time he didn’t have the urge to go after Big Red, just so he could be with someone. He faced the ceiling and wiped the tears from his face, feeling the stress leaving his body completely. He would miss Ricky and Nini, what they had, but he was feeling good.
He was happy.