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Spock has just finished meditating for the evening and is getting prepared for bed when McCoy returns to their shared quarters. He slouches through the doorway, his movements sluggish and exhaustion seeping from him.
“Leonard, welcome home,” Spock says from the bed. He only gets an incoherent grumble in response before McCoy disappears into the bathroom.
He has been locked in an intensive surgery for the last 11.63 hours. Lieutenant Iwanski had suffered severe injuries from an unpredicted landslide down on the planet they were surveying, and though she was expected to live, it was uncertain at the time if she would ever regain full mobility. It is difficult to gauge the success of the surgery based on McCoy’s current mood, but it must have been a harrowing procedure regardless.
Getting out of bed again, Spock replicates a small glass of bourbon and a much taller glass of water and sets them both on the nightstand by McCoy’s side of the bed. He also retrieves the pok tar he had left warming in the oven and sets that down on the nightstand as well. He doesn’t usually approve of eating in bed, but considering that McCoy has not had a proper meal in the last 11.63 hours and that he would no doubt rather not eat than sit at the table properly, Spock will make an exception, just this once.
He settles on his side of the bed again, this time with his PADD in his lap. McCoy generally finds outlining the surgery in great detail a successful way of unwinding from the stress of the procedure, and Spock wants to be available in case he wishes to do so tonight.
McCoy returns 10.6 minutes later, hair damp and wearing nothing but briefs. He trudges over to his side of the bed, smiling a little when he notices the items Spock has left there for him.
“God, you’re amazing, thank you,” McCoy says, practically collapsing into bed. He downs the bourbon first, and then dutifully starts picking at the pok tar.
“Was the surgery successful?” Spock asks.
“Yeah, everything’s fine now, though there were a few complications…”
Spock listens as McCoy rattles off the actions he had taken, the techniques he had used. By the end of it, his eyes are drooping and his plate is starting to slide off his lap. Spock catches it before it can fall and returns it to the nightstand. Then, he pulls McCoy down with him, curling his arm around him and drawing his fingers gently through his hair.
McCoy hums and presses closer, wrapping his arm around Spock’s torso and resting his head against his shoulder. “How was the rest of your day?”
“Uneventful. Simply filing reports.”
McCoy snorts and presses a kiss to Spock’s neck. “I love you.”
“And I cherish you, Leonard.”
They fall into silence that persists for so long that Spock believes McCoy is asleep. However, precisely 12.32 minutes later, he speaks up again: “I want to get married. To you, I mean. Will you marry me?”
Spock stiffens in surprise. He utterly fails to come up with a response, but it doesn’t seem to matter, for McCoy is already snoring in his arms.
Spock watches him for a while, making sure he’s truly asleep this time, and then settles back against the bed.
He doesn’t sleep that night.
Instead, he thinks about McCoy, and his proposal. He and McCoy have been in a relationship for 2.659 years. They have been some of the most peaceful years of Spock’s life, though he would not have expected them to be when they first haphazardly started this arrangement. McCoy had been furious with him when he’d inadvertently blurted it out in a jail cell on planet 892-IV, and he had quickly attempted to cover his outburst by claiming that Spock wouldn’t know what to do with such genuine, warm, decent feelings. He had been right, but Spock had not wanted to admit it, so he had kissed him, and McCoy had kissed him back, and they’d spent the last 2.659 years figuring out these genuine, warm, decent feelings together.
Spock has come to consider McCoy as very dear to him. He is the person Spock is most comfortable to be around, and he cherishes every moment of time spent together. Whether they are arguing or sitting quietly, whether they are working or off-duty, Spock values it all. If they married, it would ensure the continuation of such moments. Additionally, the end of the Enterprise mission is quickly approaching, and while they haven’t yet discussed what to do afterwards, it would make it easier to stay together if they were married. A marriage bond would also allow McCoy to assist Spock should his pon farr ever return.
It is a logical decision.
And yet, for some reason, Spock isn’t thinking about logic.
He’s thinking about the way it feels to wake up every morning with McCoy in his arms. He’s thinking about the playful arguments that sustain most of their interactions. He’s thinking about the other day when McCoy had been absolutely tearing into an admiral, completely against protocol of course, but unerringly logical in his own way, and how it had made Spock realize how bone-deeply he loves him. He’s thinking that it would be…quite enjoyable to spend the rest of his life with him.
But marriage to a Vulcan is a permanent commitment, and as serious about McCoy as he is, Spock isn’t sure he’s ready for it. He had failed with T’Pring, after all, and he has no guarantee that something like that won’t happen again.
However, it is not his decision alone, and though McCoy evidently made his feelings clear last night, Spock believes they should take some time to discuss it.
So, when McCoy drags himself out of bed the next morning and joins Spock at the table for breakfast, Spock says, “Leonard, I wish to discuss what you asked me last night.”
McCoy just squints at him for a moment. “…I asked you something?”
“Yes.” Spock raises an eyebrow. “You do not recall?”
“…No. I remember talking about the surgery…” McCoy’s brow furrows. “I must have fallen asleep after that.”
Spock is, quite suddenly, perplexed. “I can assure you that the conversation continued after that.”
McCoy frowns. “Well, don’t keep it a secret! What the hell did I say?”
Spock opens his mouth, but no words come out. He finds himself strangely reluctant to bring it up. If McCoy doesn’t even remember proposing, then it is quite possible that he had not intended to at all. Perhaps it was just a random thought that passed through his subconscious when he was half-asleep – humans are susceptible to such whims, after all. And if this is true, then Spock does not want to bring it up when he is unsure of how he stands on the subject. It would just lead to an argument, and not an enjoyable one at that.
So he says, “It is of no importance.”
McCoy stares at him, bewildered. “It must have some importance if you wanted to talk about it!”
Spock doesn’t reply, and McCoy scoffs. “Alright, well, just let me know if you ever decide it’s worth talking about after all.”
Spock dips his head in concession, and they lapse into silence as they eat their breakfasts. Spock keeps weighing the pros and cons of marriage in his head, and eventually has to firmly tell himself that it is illogical to debate something that isn’t relevant to their current situation. Spock is quite content with their arrangement, and sees no reason to change it over a subconscious proposal.
Perhaps it would be easier just to pretend he never said it at all.
--
“You look like a man with a problem,” Uhura says, sitting across from Spock in the mess hall during their lunch break.
He raises an eyebrow at her. She has always had the uncanny ability to tell when he’s preoccupied, but it unsettles him, so he has never let on that she is right. “Do I?”
“I very rarely see you staring off into space—figuratively, of course—and since we haven’t encountered anything fascinating recently, I get the impression you’re not turning over any astrophysics problems this time,” she says, neatly cutting her egg in half so that the yolk spills over her hominy. “So it must be personal. And I won’t push you to talk about it, but I’m here if you want to.”
Spock considers her. Uhura has always been a good listener, even when she was still an ensign and struggling with her own life path. Spock has found her advice to be helpful and insightful, and she’s rarely wrong when it comes to, as humans would say, matters of the heart.
He pushes his tomato soup around with his spoon, realizes how illogical that is, and puts the spoon down. “…Have you ever received an unexpected marriage proposal?”
Uhura chokes on her hominy and quickly puts her hand up to cover her mouth. “Excuse me?”
“Doctor McCoy proposed to me last night, and it was…quite unexpected.” He folds his hands together in his lap. “He was half-asleep when he proposed, and he does not remember doing so now. I find myself at…quite a loss on how to proceed.”
She doesn’t answer for a moment, and when Spock looks up at her again, she’s grinning widely. “Mister Spock, why – that is the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.”
Spock raises an eyebrow. “That’s a rather unhelpful opinion, Lieutenant.”
“Sorry, sorry.” She chuckles and then puts down her fork. “Do you want to marry him?”
“…I must admit that the prospect holds a certain appeal to me.” He looks away from the teasing sparkle in her eyes. “However, I failed to predict how T’Pring would react during our marriage ceremony, and I am…hesitant to risk a repeat occurrence. Marriage for a Vulcan is a permanent commitment, and I…do not know if I am well-suited for it.”
“I don’t know the details, but I can imagine that what happened with T’Pring must have been very hard for you. You two were so close, and all.” Uhura leans forward slightly. “But I don’t think you should compare your relationship with her to yours with Len. They’re completely different in character and circumstance, and Len and T’Pring aren’t very alike either. Just because one relationship failed doesn’t mean all will. Trust me, I learned that the hard way, too.”
Spock looks down, and admits very quietly, “I do not wish to hurt Leonard like I hurt T’Pring.”
“People always get hurt, no matter how hard we try.” Uhura touches Spock’s clothed wrist gently. “As a wise man once told me, that doesn’t mean it’s not worth the risk.”
Spock thinks of Hemmer, an old ache welling up in his chest before he pushes it away, and then touches Uhura’s other wrist in return. “I enjoy Leonard’s company very much. It would be…quite pleasing to spend my life with him.”
She smiles again, but before she can say anything Spock continues, “However, I am still uncertain about what to do, as he has not technically asked me yet.”
“My guess? He’s been thinking about proposing to you, and it just slipped out when he wasn’t really conscious.” She winks at him. “If you want my advice, you should act surprised when he proposes for real. I’ll bet you he’s preparing something right now.”
Spock blinks sarcastically at her. “Then I hope for his sake that he is prepared for me to be profoundly unimpressed.”
She laughs and withdraws her hand. “But he knows you, Mister Spock – I think he’s quite capable of surprising you.”
He raises an eyebrow, but finds he can’t argue against that.
--
McCoy does not propose again for 11.67 months.
Spock almost wonders if he should propose instead, but Uhura informs him that that would hardly be fair to McCoy, who has no doubt been planning something for some time now. Spock agrees with her assessment, and decides there is no reason to hurry anyway. He is perfectly satisfied with their relationship, and that will not change even if they are not engaged.
And one evening, after an extremely hot day on Vulcan, McCoy stirs Spock out of his evening meditation and suggests they go hiking.
This is unusual for multiple reasons. The first being that it is very late at night – the sun had set long ago, and it is dark enough outside that hiking could be a potentially dangerous activity. It is also unusual for McCoy to bother Spock during his meditation. He understands that it is a very private affair for Vulcans, and thus is usually mindful of leaving Spock alone during his meditation. Lastly, it is strange because they are currently staying at Spock’s parents’ house, and as their guests they are expected to rise early and prepare the morning meal. Thus, an activity where they stay up late seems ill-advised.
But perhaps it is because they had a hectic day that McCoy finds himself restless now. After the end of the five-year mission, they had decided to stay on Vulcan until they figured out their career paths. Spock had also decided to use the opportunity to officially introduce McCoy to his parents as his partner.
It had gone much better than either of them had expected. McCoy had been a nervous wreck beforehand, convinced that Spock’s parents had a bad impression of him after their time on board the Enterprise. Spock had also been privately concerned about this. Despite the fact that McCoy had saved his father’s life, Sarek had been nothing but rude and dismissive of him nearly the entire time he had been on board, something that had irritated Spock to no end at the time. Amanda had seemed more accepting, but she was difficult to predict sometimes, and he wasn’t sure that both of them witnessing McCoy yelling at Spock, albeit fondly, had granted him their favor.
However, they had both been pleased. Not just tolerant, but actually pleased. Spock and McCoy had both sat there in stunned silence while Amanda smiled, clapped her hands together, and congratulated them. Even Sarek had expressed to Spock that he had chosen a well-suited mate.
Neither of them had understood it, but they weren’t about to question it, either.
McCoy had still been shaky after that dinner, but out of relief rather than nerves, and he’d told Spock that he’d be out in the garden when he finished his meditation.
Though apparently Spock had taken too long to join him.
He blinks as McCoy shakes him again, fully pulling him out of his meditative state. He doesn’t quite keep the annoyance out of his voice when he asks, “Leonard, why do you wish to go hiking at 2300 hours?”
“Because, I want to show you something, and this is the best time to see it,” McCoy says. He seems nervous, or perhaps excited, as he can’t seem to stand still. Spock would even go so far as to call it fidgeting.
He raises a dubious eyebrow. Considering that they are on Vulcan, and staying at Spock’s childhood home, it is highly unlikely that McCoy can show him something he has not already seen.
McCoy clicks his tongue in response to the eyebrow and says, “Come on, Spock, would I pull you out of your meditation for something if it wasn’t important?”
And Spock has to admit that this, at least, is true. He unfurls and stands slowly. “Very well.”
He dons his boots and a thicker robe and then joins McCoy in the garden. McCoy is also wearing a medium-weight robe, one of Spock’s, and he has his medkit and a phaser with him. Apparently he had taken Spock’s story about the le’matya in the desert seriously. They leave the neat and tidy collection of plants behind and head out into the desert, the sand still retaining the day’s heat but the night air fresh and cool. It is not a far walk from Sarek and Amanda’s home to the L’langon mountains, and this is where McCoy seems to be leading them.
Spock loves these mountains with everything that he is. As a child, he had often come here when being at home was too much. He had explored every centimeter of these mountains and studied as much as he could find, even the invertebrates that live deep in the soil. Spock knows these mountains as well as he knows the layout and composition of the Enterprise.
But he doesn’t remember ever telling McCoy about them.
“Do you even know where you are going, Leonard?” Spock asks, somewhat amused. It would entertain him to no end to watch McCoy try, and probably fail, to navigate the mountains Spock knows so well, but it would be more amusing if it wasn’t nearing midnight.
“Sure.” McCoy stops and points up at the night sky. “That’s Sehlat Kan-bu, over there is the Scholar.”
Spock stops just behind him. “…You are aware of our ancient constellations?”
“Constellations have always been an interest of mine,” McCoy says with a shy smile. “I’ve always thought that what people see in the night sky says a lot about their culture. Once I finished learning all of Earth’s, I started to learn those of alien cultures, too. It’s surprisingly common throughout the galaxy, though of course on Vulcan most constellations were devised before the time of Surak. I’d have a hard time imagining T’Pau pointing up at the sky and claiming that a certain star cluster looks like a sehlat.”
A small smile tugs at Spock’s lips. “Certainly not in public, anyway.”
McCoy laughs and turns to keep hiking. “It shouldn’t be much further.”
Spock’s curiosity is piqued now as he follows McCoy across the rocks. He has to admit he hadn’t been expecting much, particularly once he realized that McCoy was taking him into the mountains. Spock has quite literally seen everything on these mountains many times, so he had wondered what McCoy could possibly show him that he hadn’t seen before.
But now that McCoy seems to actually possess an intimate knowledge of the area, Spock is much more curious to find out what it is.
They walk for 10.6 more minutes before McCoy comes to a stop, staring up at the sky. He is standing in the middle of a clearing that Spock had once named Sehlat’s Bed, due to the unusual amount of times he had stumbled upon a wild sleeping sehlat in the area. Fortunately, there doesn’t seem to be one here now, but Spock stays on alert as he comes to a stop beside McCoy.
“A-ha! There it is.” McCoy points upwards. “That’s K’diwa.”
“Roughly translates to lovers,” Spock comments, staring up at it. “I too enjoyed learning the constellations when I was younger, and this is one of the only ones that I thought actually looked like its name. You can see the line of stars where the two beings become entwined, one being—”
He turns, only to find McCoy now holding out two of his fingers. Before Spock can even raise an eyebrow, he murmurs in Vulcan, “Spock, will you be parted from me and never parted? Never and always touching and touched?”
Spock’s breath catches. He had not expected this, and it probably shows on his face. Even though he should have known it was coming, it turns out that McCoy managed to surprise him after all. For a moment, he just stands there, staring in slight disbelief at McCoy’s fingers.
The concern that had gripped him 11.67 months ago is still with him somewhat. He had failed as a partner to T’Pring, had failed to even fully realize how displeased she was with him. But he and McCoy have managed to stay together this long, despite the both of them being at work more often than not, and he’s learned from his previous failure how to be more attuned to McCoy’s feelings and any issues that occasionally come up. He’s also had a long time to think it over, and he has decided that Uhura—and Hemmer—are right. Being with McCoy largely outweighs any risk.
So he doesn’t hesitate much longer than that one moment. With a barely suppressed rush of exhilaration, he meets McCoy’s fingers with his own. “As it was in the dawn of our days, as it is today, as it will be for all tomorrows – yes.”
A wide, carefree smile stretches across McCoy’s lips, and he leans in to kiss Spock the human way too. Spock reaches up to cup his face with his free hand and draw him closer, deepening the kiss. They indulge for a while, the warmth generated between them enough to fend off the increasing cold of the mountain at night.
“I presume this is what you wanted to show me,” Spock murmurs against his lips when they part for breath.
McCoy smirks and loops his arms around Spock’s neck, leaning in closer to press their foreheads together. “That’s all. I hope it wasn’t disappointing for you.”
“Not in the slightest,” Spock says lightly. “In fact, I am amazed that you managed to show me something new in the mountains I know intimately well.”
McCoy grins. “I was indecisive about where would be best to propose to you. I don’t really have access to your family’s place of Koon-ut kal-if-fee after all. So when your mom told me about these mountains that you love so much, and I realized they were located right beneath the K’diwa constellation, well…I couldn’t pass it up.”
Spock raises an eyebrow slightly, despite the affection threatening to bubble out of control in his chest. “And you chose to do so at midnight because…?”
McCoy huffs out a laugh. “It was gonna be cloudy every other night we’re staying here.”
Spock fights back a smile as he rubs his thumb against McCoy’s cheek. “Then I believe, as the English phrase goes, you ‘lucked out’, Leonard.”
“We lucked out, Mister Spock,” McCoy corrects, pulling back slightly. He reaches down to grab both of Spock’s hands in his and squeeze, a very provocative move. “It may have been years before I proposed to you otherwise.”
“That would not have contradicted our previous pattern, however,” Spock teases, keeping hold of McCoy’s hand as he begins to lead him back down the mountain. “And it is entirely possible that our actual wedding may still be years in the future.”
“Not if we tell Jim,” McCoy says, his amusement dancing across Spock’s fingers. “He’d have us married the minute we step foot in San Francisco.”
“Indeed.” Spock barely holds back a smile, so it’s fortunate that McCoy is walking behind him.
“God, it’s such a relief to get that out,” McCoy says. “I’ve wanted to ask you for a while now.”
Spock nods. “I know.”
McCoy stops walking, their clasped hands pulling Spock to a stop as well. “You know? What do you mean you know?”
“You already asked me to marry you, Leonard,” Spock says, and feels McCoy’s shock jolt up his arm.
McCoy’s mouth drops open. “What?! When?!”
“When you returned home from Lieutenant Iwanski’s surgery,” Spock says. “You were half-asleep when you said it, and did not recall saying it the next day.”
McCoy splutters. “But that—that was almost a year ago!”
Spock raises an eyebrow. “11.67 months to be exact.”
“And you didn’t even tell me?!” McCoy demands. “You let me stumble through that proposal, be nervous about it for almost a year?”
“I wasn’t sure you truly wished to propose at the time. I was also…uncertain of my reply. Waiting a year allowed me ample time to, as you’d say, ‘think it over’.”
McCoy shakes his head. “Geez, and here I was trying to surprise you.”
“You did surprise me.” Spock squeezes his hand slightly. “I’ve known you for 5.26 years and was completely unaware that you knew of Vulcan’s constellations, or any constellations for that matter.”
McCoy smiles then, regaining his euphoria just like that. “Well, good. It wouldn’t have been worth it otherwise.”
Spock raises an eyebrow. “I see. Perhaps I should retract my acceptance, then.”
“Oh no you don’t!” McCoy laughs and pulls Spock closer to him by the front of his robe. “You’re stuck with me, I’m afraid.”
Spock kisses him, the light from K’diwa shining brightly all around them. He thinks, once again, that the constellation is aptly named, for he feels closer to McCoy than ever at that moment. It feels like they truly are one being, eternally held together despite the vastness of space.
He is quite satisfied to be ‘stuck’ with McCoy, and knows he always will be.