Chapter Text
Entry #1
My name is Kuroko Tetsuya.
The interview went well. If it even passes as an interview anyway.
Someone will read this someday. And to you, all I have to say is, w hen someone offers you a job as a secretary to the most powerful vampire on Earth, no matter how good the pay is, don’t take it.
The vampire spoke first, “Kuroko Tetsuya.”
“Yes?”
The vampire adjusted his glasses with his taped fingers, “We’ve been looking for a human to fill this spot for years.” he eyed Kuroko in a more-or-less non-threatening manner.
Taking the cue as his freedom of speech, Kuroko nodded slightly, “Coming from a vampire, that must be a very short time.”
Midorima looked slightly amused with his half smile, “You could say that. No one wants this job urgently. Not when it’s with him.”
Kuroko didn't miss the punctuation directed to the director of the company, “Yet here I am.”
“He’s not particularly fond of humans but he needs to engage business with them sooner or later. We’re not the only race on this planet.”
That’s true. Vampires, dhampirs and humans all roamed the planet. It was surprising how accepting everyone was of each other. After centuries of living separately, they suddenly merged into one. There weren’t any major conflicts or initiatives of war. However, they weren’t exactly comfortable with each other. Humans still feared the blood suckers.
Out of genuine courtesy, the vampires slowly accepted regular food and managed to restrain their diet of blood to only consume it once a month. Yet the humans still held overwhelming fear in their hearts. Thus, Akashi Seijuurou, charming businessman and also a pureblood vampire, found it difficult to even deal with the humans.
Everyone knew him, respected him, and some worshiped him. Thus, to further lessen the strain between his kin and the half-breeds and humans, he decided to break tradition and hire a human into his company.
This human, was Kuroko Tetsuya.
The interview turned out to be the short conversation he had with Midorima. The vampire had simply remarked "He's not nosy and his attitude should compliment you." before he left Kuroko with Akashi and exited back to his desk outside the Akashi's office.
The so-called fearsome leader of the vampires was just sitting on his chair, staring at Kuroko with a book in his hand, ‘How to Interact With Humans 101′, a book written as a joke by a famous human author but unfortunately it was taken seriously and became a top seller within days of its publication.
Akashi nodded, “I’ll call you Kuroko then. I like the ‘sir’. Is that a human habit towards vampires?”
“....no. That’s just my expression of respect towards you.”
Akashi knitted his eyebrows, “Humans are so complicated... No vampire has ever addressed me with ‘sir’.” The vampire’s eyes widened as something clicked in his head, “Does that mean none of them respect me?”
Kuroko wanted to slap the guy already. No wait, that was his boss.
“No, sir. Perhaps your kin has a different perspective of addressing their superiors.”
“They call me ‘Akashi’”
Think Kuroko think.
“Well perhaps they seek a deeper bond with you.”
“They want me to notice them?”
How the hell was this vampire even real? It was like a bad joke of the 'Notice me senpai' meme. Kuroko would laugh if it was a genuine joke but no, Akashi was asking him earnestly.
“Yes. That could be a possible theory.”
Akashi looked somewhat satisfied and smug at the fact that his workers wanted to bond with him. How idiotic was this supreme leader?
“I read that humans shake hands when they meet. Shall we shake hands to christen our first meeting?”
Who even says things like that? 'Christen our first meeting'? Kuroko suddenly imagined Akashi asking a lover 'Shall we christen our love nest?' on the night of his wedding and the human had to hold back a smile.
Kuroko cleared his throat, “Yes, why not?”
Akashi stood up and held his hand out, “What an honor it must be to be the first human to touch my hand.”
Kuroko held in the urge to roll his eyes. When he shook Akashi’s hand, the vampire actually looked to his side where the book was wide open on the table.
He squinted his eyes a little and said, “It’s...nice...to...meet you.. insert name here. Oh. It’s nice to meet you, Kuroko.”
Okay. Maybe it was a little cute. Kuroko smiled helplessly, “It’s nice to meet you too, sir.”
Entry #27
Vampires don’t know anything about humans. I’m not even kidding. They know nothing. At all. Nil. Nein.
I want to quit this job.
Kuroko entered Akashi’s office to find his superior shirtless, standing directly below the powerful air conditioner.
With a straight face on, Kuroko questioned “Sir, what are you doing?”
“I am trying to experience what you humans call... a cold.” Akashi closed his eyes as the cold air brushed over his skin.
“It doesn’t work that way.”
“Will dousing myself in rain water work?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“A cold is a scientific phenomena that is not always caused by coldness or rain water. Why do you want to experience a cold anyway?
“The sensation of a sneeze is described so interestingly. Have you ever sneezed before?”
“Yes, sir.”
“So unfair.”
Kuroko took the discarded white dress shirt on Akashi’s chair and gave it a little brush. He walked towards the half naked vampire and held the shirt open to assist Akashi into it.
“I’m not sure if your body’s metabolism will allow you to experience a ‘cold’, sir.”
Akashi looked disappointed, “What a shame.”
As the vampire buttoned himself up, he turned to Kuroko with a straight face, “Let’s go under the rain.”
“Did you not hear what I just said?”
“I’ll take my chances.”
“Why- ....” Kuroko stopped his question midway just to let out a soft sneeze. He too was standing underneath the cold aircond after all.
“Forgive me for that impolite gesture.”
“..no...no.. It’s fine.”
Kuroko was stunned for a while. Akashi’s pupils were round and filled with endless curiosity. Having to see a human sneeze up close was enough to trigger that child-like look from him again.
That was when Kuroko realized that vampires weren’t stupid. They simply never took the time to properly ‘see’ a human. They never understood the human race.
Entry #28
I guess I’ll stay. I still have a lot to teach him. I haven’t even started. I’ll do my best from here on.
“Kuroko, do humans cry when other people die?”
“I guess that depends.”
“What if....it’s your sister?”
Kuroko wondered what brought the topic up in Akashi’s head. Then again, Akashi was always thinking about the humans and he could come up with a new question in a split second.
“Of course I would cry. She is my loved one.”
Akashi frowned like he always did when he failed to understand any of the human concepts thrown to his face, “But death is inevitable. You know that you would die right after your birth. Why must you shed tears for a phenomenon expected to happen?”
“I suppose it’s due to the bond I have with them. I cannot really explain it due to my lack of siblings.”
“I don’t have any either. Maybe that’s why I can’t relate.”
Kuroko watched Akashi get back to his book. Curiosity piqued Kuroko this time when he asked, “Sir, may I inquire something.”
“Sure.”
“Why do you actually want me here? If it were learning about the humans, I’m sure you could learn it in a day on your own. Also, my presence here doesn’t seem to be as a secretary.”
Akashi turned to look at Kuroko from his seat. Kuroko was always standing beside his desk. He was always there to answer any and every question Akashi had about the human race.
That was why Akashi willingly answered, “I’m...watching. You humans have such short lives. But because of that, you get to enjoy more than we do. You’re here to prove that to me. Also, your job is being handled by my assistant. However, you are still my secretary as long as I say you are.”
Kuroko could not quite get his head wrapped around the idea of his job but at least he didn’t have to handle calls or appointments.
“I understand, sir.”
Akashi smiled out of satisfaction. He liked it when he was on the same page with his human secretary.
“Kuroko.”
“Yes, sir?”
“Tomorrow I’ll excuse myself from the office. So will the whole building. It’s the feasting date for us.”
“I see. Shall I actually ‘do’ my job then?”
“Yes. I’ll let Shintarou fill you in later.”
“Alright.”
“Kuroko.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Why do you humans not like the taste of blood?”
Kuroko blatantly replied, “It’s viscous, smells of rusted metal and probably tastes like it too.”
The secretary held in the urge to laugh as Akashi made the most offended face Kuroko will ever be given the opportunity to see.
Entry #72
Annual leave is normal. Usually its two to three days for us humans in normal jobs.
Apparently vampires get 2 years of leave in a decade. And they can take it in one shot.
Kuroko stared at his screen with his fingers tapping on the desk. He had recently been promoted to an actual secretary and he shared work space with Midorima.
Midorima was not a very out-spoken vampire. He was diligent in his work and shared a very professional relationship with everyone. At least that was what outsiders would think.
“Midorima, there’s a bump in the records.”
The green-haired vampire leaned over Kuroko’s chair and stared at the desktop screen.
He shook his head and his voice was laced with distress, “Akashi is not gonna like that.”
“It must have happened when the Hamachi corporation failed to meet the expected quota last month.”
“Akashi prefers a smooth progress line. Is there any way to erase the bump from our records?”
Kuroko lifted his finger and placed it on the screen, over the small red hill in the data, “If we cover it like this when Akashi comes to check, we won’t get in trouble.”
“KUROKO STOP PLAYING AROUND!”
Suddenly, the elevator jingle played in the distance, signalling that somebody had arrived on the fortieth floor.
“.....midorimacchii..!!!!!” said a distant voice.
Midorima deadpanned, “Oh no.”
“What’s wrong?” Kuroko asked with a tilted head.
“They’re back.”
The best part about what happened next was how Midorima just accepted his fate of being pounded by a lightning fast yellow blob.
Kuroko watched as a blonde vampire pounced on the green head like they were best friends. Maybe they were.
“Midorimacchi!! We missed you!!”
“KISE GET OFF ME!”
Maybe not.
Midorima was desperately trying to get the other vampire off him but the blonde did not relent. Then, another voice was heard.
“Yo Midorima. Got ya some stuff you might like. And the big guy packed some sweets too.”
This vampire had tanned skin and dark blue hair. Kuroko could tell, these vampires were strong, just like Midorima and Akashi. They were purebloods.
Once Midorima finally managed to stand up again, he brushed himself and sighed, “Welcome back.”
Both returning vampires smiled. That was when the blonde one noticed Kuroko.
“Oh? A new worker?”
The tanned vampire’s eyes widened in rage, “..A human..?!”
Before Kuroko could say anything, Midorima shielded him, “He’s our secretary. Akashi hired him while you two were away and he’s been doing a good job. I rather you two not scare him off. Akashi will not be pleased.”
Kuroko stood up and moved to place himself beside Midorima. It was never in him to stand behind a vampire. He had as much right as any of them. He didn’t need to be protected.
“My name is Kuroko Tetsuya. I am not certain who you two are or where you have been but welcome back. I hope we get along.”
“Wow, he has manners.” spoke the blonde vampire.
“And he stood up to us! I like him already. Name’s Aomine Daiki.”
The other vampire lifted his hand in a friendly manner, “I’m Kise Ryouta!”
“It’s nice to meet you, Aomine, Kise. And I would like to know where you two have been. I’ve been working for about two and a half months and I’ve never even heard of you two.”
Midorima chuckled, “They just came back from their 2-year tour around the world.”
“2 years?”
Aomine shrugged, “Meh, it was ok. Next decade, we’re just gonna go to New Zealand. We like it there most. The big guy has free food there too.”
Kuroko whispered to Midorima, inquiring further about Aomine and Kise’s leave. Since both the returning vampires heard him, they explained themselves of the leave they had taken. And that was when Kuroko discovered the ‘leave’ a vampire could claim in a decade.
As they made small talk, the door to the main office opened, making all of them turn to look.
“Kuroko, are you bus- Ah. Daiki, Ryouta. Welcome back.”
Kuroko will never forget how Kise and Aomine’s face lit up at seeing Akashi again after two years. They weren’t so different from the humans after all when it came to friendship.
Entry#99
I cannot believe my coworkers sometimes.
Who am I kidding? I don’t trust them at all.
Last week, they set me up to go downstairs and I was almost- Nevermind. AND TODAY IT HAPPENED AGAIN
“Kuroko, can you deliver this to the tenth floor please?”
The human secretary eyed Midorima curiously, “Official papers?”
Midorima nodded sluggishly, “Yes. This isn’t like last time. We will abide to your contract policy as best as we can.”
“Alright, I believe you. Who do I send this to?”
“Table 10, Munechika.”
Kuroko bowed politely and left for the elevator.
Not more than 20 seconds after Kuroko left, Akashi exited his office with his eyes wide and anxious, “Shintarou, where is he?”
“I sent him downstairs.”
“You whAT?”
Midorima took a while to register the heightened panic in his superior’s voice.
“Not again...” groaned the vampire. Midorima picked up the telephone and connected himself to Aomine directly, “Code Red on 10th floor”
“I ALREADY AM on the 10th floor! Why the fuck did you send him down here?!”
“Unwise decision on my part.”
“No shit sherlock! Get on the speakers already!”
As Aomine practically knocked out 10 vampires and carried Kuroko to safety, the building received Midorima’s polite warning, “For the last time, please DO NOT try to eat our human secretary Kuroko Tetsuya. Refusal to abide to this law will lead to the consequences of suspension or decapitation depending on the degree of injury inflicted.”