Work Text:
one.
The first time Kaeya parties so hard that if someone put a gun to his head, he thought it would hurt less than the hangover is when he was in his 20s, attending college alongside his best friend, Dain (tall, responsible, and subsequently caught only a mild headache) who had explained that it technically would since that'd be an instantaneous death but everything was blurry and ringing technicolor. Still, he'd partied so hard it was peculiar. It's like he wanted to forget something, which seemed to work, because he has no idea what it was.
Years later, he (unfortunately) recalls.
Contrary to probable popular belief, it is Dain who drags him out to vacations, or what warped perception of it the scholar had. It is a bold claim to say that someone can have a warped perception of utter escapism, the ultimate paradise, but most of these trips are only made fun because Kaeya was going, else they'd become unofficial study trips that may as well be officiated by a smarter institution than their university. At the very least, because he was going with someone else, Dain bothered to list down restaurants and, if possible, clubs that they could visit.
Obviously, Dain doesn't party but that was exactly why he needed to and why Kaeya was so determined to drag him there that the high-tech unbelievably common wares of a foreign nation blurred into obsolescence.
"Kae, listen," He says, exasperated. "That kind of place is not for people like me."
"I never said you'd have to stay. Just go with me and look around a bit~" Kaeya whined for, quite possibly, the thousandth time this trip. "Oh, I bet you'd go more fun if your surreally cute upperclassman was here."
Dain's eyes are as sharp as ever, but Kaeya knew better— his ears were unmistakably red. Kaeya never understood why he'd been putting off a confession for so long, it's not like he wasn't completely obvious with it or that he was, in any area except personality, unbecoming. Despite his rotten reputation, Dain was well-known as someone with a killer face; a catch, if you will, and even more so when his usual cynical self was boiled down to a nervous mess. Who wouldn't get a kick out of that?
They'd been making tons of progress lately, even limiting when he got to see his own best friend (which, if Kaeya deigned to admit it, kinda hurt) so he fully expects a reluctant but honest yes. Instead, Dain goes on to say, "That's not it." and believe it or not, looks like he might actually mean it. Kaeya hums, but Dain doesn't rise to the bait. "Wouldn't you have more fun going with Gunnhildr?"
"That—" Kaeya bit out more as a reaction than a statement, really, but such a strong response beckoned an explanation. "She's been seeing me less and less. I saw her with my brother in the library just a week ago."
Dain is smarter than to think that such a simple thing would mean that they were over, but he scrunches his nose and stops all movement anyway— all to ask: "Are you going to break up with her?"
Kaeya is more startled than he should be but there was something in his mirrored star-eyes, how the street lights illuminated his face, and how it was a different pensive look than usual that caught him off-guard. His heart hammered against his ribcage, suddenly vulnerable.
Yes, he thought right away, void of sense.
"I don't know." He says instead, because he really doesn't and he needs more time to think about this. "We're still young. Wouldn't it be pretty terrible of me to hold her back from what she really wants?"
Dain hums but says noting. That is his cue to drag their sore feet to that bar and forget all this happened. So he does and somehow loops Dain in enough to sit at the bar and at least watch. "Why don't you leave, like you want to?" Kaeya remembers asking, words caught in a slur. "I can't leave you here like this." Dain explained, having emptied his glass of wine. Despite his manner, he actually had some alcohol tolerance. Meanwhile Kaeya doesn't think he's that drunk but the nerves in his legs feel weak, faint, and beyond that he could not remember anything more.
The next thing he knows is that they (somehow) got back into the airbnb, and that he was with Dain in the bed, despite promising that he'd sleep on the couch. This is how he knows that he'd have to risk breaking up with Jean, risk Dain thinking that this night and the breakup are related. They're not, Kaeya thinks to himself. They have to be.
two.
When he'd first heard that he was supposedly going to work with a 'peculiar, gloomily dressed man with eyes like yours', Kaeya was delighted. More than that, he never really intended to seek out a friend all those years ago but to think that fate would bring them together like this… there was nothing more magical and cruel altogether, he'd wager. But when he actually sees the man himself in the flesh wearing an uptight uniform, something seems to catch in Dainsleif's throat and yet the fated reunion doesn't come, save for small comments slipped into all-business conversations. Don't embarrass me, he is told, which is simply to say We don't know each other, understand? and whether or not it is meant to address workplace professionalism or their unprompted near-decade friendship hiatus, Kaeya doesn't know.
But he does think about it and pensive silence, in this context, would probably equate to I understand. but the truth of the matter is that he doesn't understand. Neither of them was embarrassed to know each other, Kaeya recalls— pieces back together memories and emotions so overwhelming that he doesn't know what to do with them— because why would any sane person deny the only person they could bare their individuality to? He vividly remembers what ridiculous names they'd thrown towards Dainsleif's, and eventually his too just by association, way and how terribly mistaken they were. Although he was well-liked too, there was nothing like being around his cranky, incredulous best friend.
That must be it. There has to be something behind this and Kaeya was going to get to the bottom of it, dignity be damned. So he does, pursues Dainsleif enough to make it look like friendly banter to liven the gloomy office up. He doesn't give into whatever the devil might whisper in his ear, he won't let this friendship end pettily like this and there's no way an immortal imp will ever understand the value of mortal relations like this.
Dainsleif does eventually snap, dragging him outside campus to talk, and despite the harsh grip on his wrist, Kaeya is hopeful. Maybe a figment of his college best friend is still there somewhere.
"I thought I told you not to embarrass me," is the first thing he says and instantly, Kaeya is crushed. Whatever this does to the cruel man before him, he doesn't know but it does something because he bothers to explain further. "Things aren't the same as before, Kae—" Kae, they both wince, and Dainsleif hurries to correct himself. " Alberich . So stop trying to make it the same because it's not. We're older now, different — don't you understand?"
"It doesn't have to be, Dain." Can't you see? I'm fighting for you, for our friendship . The way his lips tremble must mirror his own, and it takes heaps of self-control not to look their way. "Why are you pushing me away? You said you'd come back but here we are now, meeting like this."
And at that, Dainsleif hung his head low, eyes widening before shutting completely, like the explanation would reopen too many wounds. Kaeya would know, they had become friends after confiding mutual turmoil, after all, and the fact that he'd once said to a younger, more open (cuter, too) Dain Why do you look more sad about it than me? felt distant, like he was misremembering, like it only mattered to him. But right now, he looked just as terrified, empathetic, and vulnerable as he did fifteen years back. Kaeya was in constant pursuit of truth and he would always draw it out, and even as Dainsleif taking a step back when he takes one forward his way stung, Kaeya is firm. Silence is cowardly, he used to always say.
Dainsleif opens his mouth to finally respond to the question, possibly in a rush, when the answer comes right behind him.
"Papa, who’s this?"
three.
Kaeya has a personality that makes it easy to provoke people and despite Dain dangerously knowing so much about him, that didn't make them immune to misunderstandings and fights. Their first big fight ten years ago was not a misunderstanding but that didn’t mean he wasn't confused by it all; why they had to fight, why this was what broke them off, and what exactly he was fighting for.
"You don't get it, Kae." Dain says, tone dark and spiteful. It’s true, he doesn't, but Kaeya at least deserved an explanation for why exactly his best friend thought it would be a good idea to get back together with someone he's already broken up with twice.
"What don't I get?" He posed a challenge.
"Things like love, Kae." Dain half-shouts, exasperated. He rarely talked like that and that was when he realized frustration was an emotion not to be messed with. "Your relationships are never serious and you just— you don't want what I want. I want to find someone to marry and grow ridiculously old with them. I want to have kids and I want to give them the life I couldn't have and I absolutely don't want to wait until I find out I'm too old for relationships or something. There's nothing wrong with just wanting to have fun but I don't want you to insult my dreams just because you hate being tied down to commitments and all that boring shit, okay?"
Kaeya narrows his eyes, fury rising, steadily building. "And you think you know love? You've only been in two relationships, Dain."
"Both of which were serious and long-lasting," Dain snapped back.
"You were the only one serious about it! Don't you see? Lumine might love you but she takes you for granted. If she didn't, you wouldn't need to go through this back and forth bullshit." At this point, he was shouting too, the loudest he's ever had to talk to anyone after Crepus had passed. "Don't you understand? It's not about what you want, it's that she isn't right for you."
"And what exactly do you think is good for me?" He says, defensive.
Me, Kaeya breathed. Say it.
"I don't know, Dain." Kaeya tried to reason, losing confidence in his advice. "That's for you to find out. I'm just telling you what I think."
Dain deflates, lightly embarrassed. He must've hated ending the night on a note like this too but when he says he'll move out of the dorm the next day, Kaeya doesn't know what he must be feeling, what he thought that he would run from a problem they could solve (or could they?), and yet he could say nothing at breakfast that day. That was the last they'd seen each other.
/
"You have a kid ?" Kaeya asked, still in disbelief. Then he caught sight golden eyes and grimaced. By the time he's shown minimum hospitality and let into Dainsleif's home, he wastes no time getting to point. "She left you with the kid?" Dainsleif slumps into the couch and suddenly it makes more sense why he'd want to disappear, hide away for a decade. That didn’t absolve his guilt, didn't take away the days his best friend spent in anger and sadness, but they'd always been a pair built on understanding. "Aren't you going to tell me what happened?" Clarity was a drug he'd been deprived of for years and right now it was all he could see.
"She did. She told me we were too different." A likely story, Kaeya bit his tongue. "She told me she felt lost, scared, and angry when Aether left. We… admitted that she wasn't in the correct state to love but by then, it was too late. So, I…" Dainsleif took in a deep breath, as if to delude himself that this is just like the old times. "I said she could stay until the baby was born and leave afterwards. I promised that, should she return, she would have a child to come back to."
He thinks it's silly but after all these years, he can come to admit: "You loved her."
"And I probably still do, I don't think I can ever stop. I… didn't think you could understand that," You don't want what I want. "I'm sorry."
Kaeya thinks, and acts. "You're right, Dain. Things aren't the same as they were back then, and I'm sorry that I couldn’t get where you were coming from. But didn't you ever think that I too have changed? I've matured too, and I want you to learn how to trust me again."
Dainsleif narrows his eyes in that signature way of his, but there's a confused, almost vulnerable look in his eyes that tells a story of confusion. Kaeya knew what that meant; he wasn't sure whether to take these words into his healing heart or bar it from leading him astray twice. It was only understandable, even Kaeya couldn't deny the existence of doubt whenever Dainsleif was involved and if it was an especially trifling case of matters of the heart.
"That's… Well, love and devotion go hand in hand. I've failed you in both aspects so I didn't think you'd want to see my face again." Of course, unlike him, Dainsleif didn't date for fun, or even forged trivial relationships. On rare moments he'd lose himself in the moment, he would talk about love and devotion and loyalty, and how much it mattered to him and his relationships. Kaeya had expected that all these values would lose their worth after Lumine had left, but they had not.
"You're still on about that?"
"Lumine wasn't the only one with issues motivating the fall of our relationship." Dainsleif said, tone shifting so suddenly. "I had a part in it too. I was conflicted."
He can hear the trembling in his breath, meaning that this was likely something of a reveal. He carefully probed. "What about?"
"You, Kae." They'd professed their love to each other often when the burden of the world was too much to bear, but all that had been completely platonic. The context of this conversation is not as black and white as that. "My heart was torn. She pointed out that even though I got what I wanted, I still looked as downtrodden and miserable as ever, and then she asked me when was the last time I was happy." Dainsleif pauses, and gravity gathers around his next words. "It was when I was with you, Kae. But I thought that what if you didn't feel the same way? What if it felt wrong and—"
All the iron in his blood rises as though attracted to the pull of Dain's words and perfectly clear implications. He stands and closes this unnecessary distance between them. Kaeya's worries dissipate as Dain kisses him back, gentle and loving. When he pulls away, he finally finds Dain's face in an expression of happiness, only laced with a little doubt that Kaeya is determined to absolve, but surprisingly he is beat to it.
"Are you sure about this? I mean, I'm a single father, I might have to choose my child over you."
I am the happiest with you too, Kaeya shook his head. "Klee would love her."