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10 pm. There are several reasons why this ever-scary, almost deserted bridge in town is (definitely) not included in Ran's favorite place to walk to,
(1) He hates the silence it gives. It's not the same silence he enjoys in the company of his laptop and a cup of coffee, in the comfort of his own room. The silence that he has to endure in this long walk is an uncomfortable, gloomy, almost dreadful type of silence, to the point that he resorted to singing the alphabet song in the beat of Bieber's Baby to divert his fear.
(2) He hates the dogs here. And fair enough, it seems like they hate him too. He remembers when he literally sprinted his ass out of this bridge because a group of humongous Pitbulls are chasing him. Not a fun experience, would not recommend.
And lastly,
(3) He hates the constant and looming threat of being randomly stabbed by a stoner or a drunkard who treats weeds and booze as their daily maintenance. Having his body be drained of blood in the middle of this bridge, on the dusty roadway, helpless, is not his ideal way of dying.
So to say the least, Ran would have avoided walking through this crippling fear if not only for his will to—borrowing from his older brother's words; 'breathe fresh air and touch some grass.'
Yes, grass touching despite the risk of going out this late. Yuki is the one to blame after all.
As per his brother's overly dramatic words: Ran lives a mundane yet tiring life. And he somehow agrees with that.
But in his defense, he is a writer. He sits and writes. He writes all the time; he's glued to his working chair all the time. And he does that daily. Repetitively. Which he doesn't really mind at all because he's pretty much used to it, and well, he doesn't have a choice.
It's just that Yuki has been bugging him nonstop to, at least, get his ass out of his room. "Ran, you need an actual life" as Yuki took pity on the sad day (Read: percieved) of his younger brother.
As if he doesn't have one.
He's not an outcast nor the likes. He actually has a fun social life as opposed to what his older brother tries to imply. There's the occasional clubbing with his friends if their schedules allow them or just playing volleyball around the neighborhood if not. He's also friends with almost everyone in his block—heck, even the elderly adore him so much.
So he's already living the actual life.
But he's now 24. He's a legit adult with a shit ton of responsibilities. And because of that, pressure is becoming more of a bitch than ever.
And adulting pressures you to pull your mess of a life together. And worse, adulting and paying your own bills are mutually inclusive things. He'll practically end up in a gutter if he doesn't financially stabilize his life. That's why he chose to bury his ass inside his room and be a corporate slave.
But his brother wouldn't get that,
So to satisfy Yuki's wish of putting color into his seemingly exhausting life (or maybe to keep him from further spiralling), he decided to go to the nearby cat cafe to take a breather.
Ran chuckles internally,
'No way a couple of cats could fix his life'
10:15 pm.
"Fuck those pitbulls!" Ran exclaimed through his shaky breath as he ran the last 200 meters to this cafe.
He gives the place a good look through its floor-to-ceiling window. The modern and wooden-themed interior is organized and is certainly fitting for the cats to roam around without damaging anything. Even from the outside, it seems like the cats who live here are friendly and highly well-cared of. There are several cat houses and obstacles for the them to play with. And to his delight, there are only around 4 customers left inside.
The set of bells tied at the door made a couple of bing-a-ling sounds as he entered the cafe—cueing the unbusy cats to turn and run towards him.
A towering man, who is carrying three cats on his shoulder, emerges from what looks like a staff room. He's now settling himself on the counter.
The dude is tall, even taller than Ran, who stands tall at 6'1 feet. He is wearing an apron which is folded in his lower torso—topping the well-tailored white long-sleeved polo pinned with an "At your service" badge.
Being the ever-sincere man he is, Ran thought that this guy is handsome.
"Hi, how are you?" Tatsu is wearing the usual employee-ish smile. The one that's half meant and half im-tired-so-give-your-order-ASAP. To be fair, it seems like he's singlehandedly manning the shift.
"May I have your order, please."
Ran studied the menu posted on the board "I'll have an egg sandwich with added mayo and uhmm--" he paused, which earns a quick glance from the former "-a cup of hot americano??" Oblivious to his own questioning tone, Ran got confused looked from the counter.
Ran falls into deep, deep thought.
Another thing about Ran is that coffee has always been the thing for him. He's very particular on the type of coffee to drink in different situation.
Like an americano or any brewed coffee for the usual all-nighter, a spanish lattee for when he needs both sugar and caffeine to wake his system up in the morning, a cold brew to complement his lunch or dinner, an macchiato when he's just chilling.
The staff called his attention, "Sir, I'll just repeat your order: one slice of an egg sandwich with an extra pump of mayo, and a cup of hot americano," The staff monotonously enumerated his orders "Is that right?"
Ran contemplates even more. He wants his usual-every-night Nth-shots of espresso but he also wants to just enjoy his break.
"Sorry, I'll have french vanilla instead of americano" Ran says after a while, finally decided.
The barista maneuvers the cashier monitor, "Alright, I'll have it served in a few minutes."
One thing about cat cafes is that the cats here are relatively nice compared to the ones you'll encounter on the streets. There's no aggressively hissing here, just full of sweet purring, cat kneading, and head rubbing.
And fortunately, almost all of the attention of the cats are on him because the remaining customers left or because he may or may not have bought several packs of cat treats for these adorable cats.
Could be because of the latter but who cares? Cat validation is the best kind of validation ever!
11:25 pm. Ran noticed that Tatsu already turned the 'Welcome, We're Open' signage on the door to 'Sorry, We're Close', and is now tidying the unseated tables.
'Maybe it's near closing time,' he said to himself. Ran's about to be done with his food anyway
"You can take your time," Tatsu told him in the corner "You still have half an hour until I close the shop," chuckling as he just saw Ran almost choke himself in an attempt to devour the whole sandwich (his third one) in one bite.
"Oh, great! I almost choke to death for nothing." he said sarcastically, following the resonated chuckling noises from the taller.
A pile of folded tissue papers appeared on Ran's table. "You have mayo on your face."
The other boy told him with a playful tone—eyes more crescent compared to earlier. Ran wonders about the sudden change in his mood. He thought maybe the other boys is just too glad that his shift is about to finish. Or maybe because of something that's clearly not his business.
It's just that,
Seeing the staff's eye smile makes him feel something strange.
Ran can't tell. He's never good at putting his own feeling into words,
He can't even explain the flutter he's feeling in the pit of his stomach
Maybe it's because of the coffee.
He should just have ordered the hot americano.
12:23 am. So here's the situation: The good news is, Ran managed to finish his food and coffee before the shop closes and he was not (thankfully) forced to leave the vicinity.
But the bad news is, a strong thunder rumbled several minutes before his food are finished, which is not really a bad case because he already outgrew pissing in his pants due to some thunders.
But the thing is that thunder was followed by heavy rain.
The earlier dry, dusty road is now drenched with rainwater. The heavy rain drops are now overpowering the jazz music playing on the stereo. Even the clear windows have turned blurry because of the midnight fog and raindrops. It's bad, and what's worse is...he forgot to bring his umbrella.
So yes, he'll be stuck in the cafe unless he wants to dash through the rain and be toasted by the striking lightning.
The good thing is he's not the only human left in the cat cafe.
Tatsu—who has now changed into a pair of denim pants and a white tee (that hugs his body well), is sitting across on the table across his. Inside the cafe, under the evidently mad rain, stuck with dozens of cats.
Well, not only that he cannot just leave the cafe open with the random, untrusted customer inside. But it turns out that he also didn't anticipate the rain today.
"Is it really okay for me to stay here?" Ran looked at the other boy, who seems to be texting someone. It's not like Ran doesn't like to stay.
He just doesn't want to burden someone. He hates it, especially now that he's an adult. He's now capable of doing things himself, solving his own problem, heck, even braving the thunderstorm.
"Do you want to be out in the rain?" Tatsu meets his eyes, his eyes crescent again from smiling. "No one's stopping you."
Across the floor, Ran haphazardly waves both his hands, obviously panicking, which makes the taller laugh a little louder than expected.
"Then stay here," the teasing smile was replaced by another type of smile, the one that he only sees from Yuki. Seeing that smile from a total stranger is strange because he's not expected to understand him, or tolerate him, or assure him. It really is strange. But comforting.
And it hits him.
They don't know each other's names. It's not like they need to know it, but of course it's kind of awkward to sit across from someone unnamed.
Ran just shrug off his thought, 'It's not a big deal anyway"
A ringing noise abruptly beat the sounds of raindrops and the stereo, interrupting the calmness they bring.
Someone's calling him. And based on the sigh he just made, it's probably not a "Hey, Wanna Catch Up?" type of call.
"Yes, sir?" he answered the call after heaving yet another heavy sigh.
Respecting the latter's privacy, Ran decided to leave the space and just go to the common area to play with the awake cats. But before he can stand up, he accidentally took a glimpse of the other boy's face,
And Ran knows that face all too well.
He saw it in his mirror when he first received an F mark in his exam, when his job application got rejected several times, when the article he wrote ended up not being published, when he got fired.
It's the face he never wish to see on someone else's.
"I understand, Sir, will have it settled ASAP." is the last thing Ran heard before he dives his attention to the playing cats.
Ran just hopes it's not as bad as his mind suggests.
1:43 am. The earlier bucketing down rainfall has now subdued into more drizzly, calming raindrops. But not enough for him to walk home.
But the good thing is some cats are still playing with him (Read: exploiting him and his newly opened pack of cat treats).
Most of the cats are already sleeping inside their respective cat houses. Aside from Luna and Milo, the two oldest cats in the cafe.
Both settled on top of Ran's lap. Luna-the only black cat in the cafe rolled onto her back, asking Ran to rub her belly, to which Ran obliged. To his delight, Luna gave him the sweetest high-pitched purr he ever heard. While Milo- the white and furriest cat looks like he doesn't wanna be bothered with his treats.
Everything seems to be going nicely.
Well, At least for him.
Tatsu, on the other side of the cafe, has his whole face planted on his palms. His shoulders show his erratic breathing. It seems like his whole world has toppled in front of him after that call. And strangely, something inside Ran wants to go and check upon the other boy.
Normally, Ran would just have let other people dwell on their own thoughts. Whether those are good thoughts or not. But something inside him wants to check on Tatsu. He doesn't know why, maybe to give back for letting him stay in the cafe.
Not because he sees himself on him.
"Right, it's not because of that!" he thought, convincing himself that it's probably not because he wants to help him in a way Yuki would in this situation; by listening, by just letting him know that he's there. If he wants to vent something out, if he wants to escape the black hole that's dragging him into a spiral, or if he just wants company.
He absentmindedly found himself sitting, not across this time but, beside the barista.
He's just sitting there. Not moving for one bit. He's not sure if the barista noticed his presence or if he's still inside of his own thoughts. Until the erratic breathing from the latter suddenly stops,
And everything becomes awkward.
Painfully awkward.
Ran groans internally, thinking why on earth he opts to leave Luna and Milo and put himself in this awkward situation.
'Wrong move, you Dumbass Motherfucker!' He curses himself. Already imagining how he would be kicked out of the cafe for invading the other's space. How he will walk under the raindrops and maybe have his dumbass get chased again by the pitbulls at the bridge.
Ran opens and closes his mouth, a little too much, as he tries to strike up a conversation. What should he say? That peanut can make be used to make dynamite? Heck no! He'll probably sound like a psycho who enjoys arson. Should he say that the word muscle is derived from 'little mouse' and how it makes sense because it looks like a mouse trapped in people's arms?
His mind is totally drained of any decent thoughts. Ran tries to wipe the already clean surface of the table as if it will show him what to say. He doesn't know. It feels like he's about to answer a million-worth of questions.
The awkward silence stretches, until Tats drilled it with a rather odd question,
"Do you believe in zombies? The ones that breathe, but not really live?"
The younger was caught off guard by his question. No, this is not even a question.
Ran is well aware that this is more of a declaration of his exhaustion, his tiredness of living. It's everything he feels but can't put into words.
And Ran felt like something had punched him real hard.
Just like how the occasional thunderstorms strike the silence of the night, this familiar feeling strikes him—loud, terrifying, violent. The tone, the expression, the words, everything. It's like Ran is hearing himself.
"Do you ever feel like you're becoming a Zombie?" he said, trying to make sense of his own words. "Do you feel deader each day? Where your today is just like yesterday. Your yesterday is just like the other day. And your tomorrow will be just the same because you're stuck in a unending nothingness." He said, chuckling. And Ran could swear he just heard the the most humorless chuckle ever.
"Is there a night in your life that you cannot just go to sleep no matter how hard you try? Where you just think a long, dark thought until your mind was dragged into the never-ending circles again, and again. And again. Wishing to be in control, and never deal with the long, dreamless night again?"
Ran listens; to the frustration, to the call for help, to the continual venting out of everything that used to be unsaid.
Tatsunori is just rapping his words out, he's not even sure if he's being coherent or not, but regardless, Ran still hears him clearly.
Until it stopped. And the silence starts to embrace them again
It's not deafening in any way, but it is also not soothing. This silence has an eerie feeling, carrying the possibility of dragging their minds into the black hole again. It felt like he needs to say something, or at least acknowledge the other boy's words. He was about to say something until Tatsunori beats him to it.
"Look," he locks his eyes onto Ran's, guilt is plastered over his face "Sorry for suddenly bursting out. You don't need to feel responsible for it," he said and then gluing his gaze at the vase on the table.
Ran catches Tatsunori's eyes. It's fetching, those pair of eyes. It's sharp and alluring, especially when he smiles and it becomes crescentic. Just like earlier.
But now, they are nothing but lifeless. He tries to give him a smile, encouraging him to keep on talking and he will listen.
"Don't do that, you really don't have to worry" a humorless chuckle yet again escapes his mouth, trying to conceal everything his face is showing.
"Do you know that you should never bullshit the bullshitter?" Ran returns the chuckle. "I know a call for help when I hear one."
"The thing is I heard every bit of you. I will not comfort you if you don't want me to. I will not tell you that it's okay, because heck it's not. You're not okay, it's not okay. Life is bullshit, it's sometimes not worth living, and we know that." Ran locks their eyes together,
Ran smiles faintly, "With all the shit life throws at us, it still mixes in a lifeline—someone who’ll listen, fight beside us, understand every part of us," he adds softly.
"Because they care."
They care for us.
2:34 am. The sky's clear, the wind's calm, and all the cats in the cafe rests under the hush of the night.
"Can I ask you something?" Ran's voice topped the silence, which makes Tatsu eyes settle on his. The latter nods.
"A perfect day," Ran adds slowly, "From the first light to last. A day with no sorrow, no pain… not even the dullness of ordinary hours. Do you think such a day exists?"
Tatsu shrugs his shoulder, "I really hope so"
"So you've never had one?"
"Not yet"
"Me either," Ran smiles at him, the one that Yuki always gives to him. The smile that speaks for everything that is left unsaid. "But let's look forward to it."
And then Tatsu’s eyes glimmered with something unspoken. They really are beautiful, he thought.
For the first time in a while, Ran's glad to be awake.
3:45 am. The world is already asleep, enamored by the comfort of the breeze of the night. Tatsu decided to walk home with Ran. When the Ran says no, Tatsu shrugs with a smile. “Too bad. I’m headed the same way.”
A chilly wind suddenly blows passed through them, making Ran—bare-legged in his shorts—shivers involuntarily. He searches for a pocket on his shorts to warm his cold hands, but when he realized that his short doesn't have any, he just clasps his hand together and blows them for a short-term warmness.
Then, without warning, a hand catches his—warm, sure, fingers lacing between his own.
And just like that, Ran short-circuited.
Don't get him wrong. This is not the first time someone holds his hand. But this one is different. On so many levels. He just settles on the idea maybe because someone who he finds absolutely, undeniably, heart-stoppingly attractive is holding his hand.
Ran, who's panicking internally, slowly turned to meet eyes with subtly smirking Tatsu.
Tatsunori muffled a cocky laugh and a "sorry". And sweet lord, Ran almost stop functioning at the sound of the latter's laugh. It's different from the laughs they shared earlier. This one is intended to charm someone.
And it's working.
"My mom used to tell me how warm my hands are. Just thought you might need it," he said, piercing the thick silence left by his shenanigans. And Ran smiles at him, as if he was not bowled over by the random hand holding, as if he's not panicking internally, as if there are no groups of butterflies causing chaos inside his stomach.
"Yeah? My armpits are warmer, though" Ran tries joke this blush away.
A long silence followed the joke, Ran was about to take it back when he saw Tatsu's face.
"Oh my god! No!" Ran shouted as he runs away from Tatsu when he tries to put his other hand to his armpit.
"What? You said it's warmer," Tatsu laughs as he tries to chase the other "Gotta confirm!"
They run, and run, and run. Not minding the splashes caused by running on puddles. The moonless night watches them as they enjoy themselves, laughing at the most random, not even funny thing.
There they are, the two adults, who are struggling to find ways to live and be awake in a mundanity of life, used to living a motionless, repetitive life--found themselves delightfully screaming and running around the drenched pathway; as if announcing to the world that they are there, awake and existing.
Strange enough, being with each other feels like nothing is rushed, they don't feel the need to hurry. It's nice and somehow feels like breathing. They can't find the word to explain everything. But surely, they're at ease.
The two boys settle on a random bench. Ran finally gave up and let Tatsu feel the warmness (if it really is) of his armpit. Tatsu approved anyway, even asking for longer access to his warmth.
Ran glances at the other boy who's still catching his breath while facing the sky. He’s said it before, but it’s worth saying again—he’s so pretty Ran could memorize every detail. His cute messy hair, his sharp eyes, his fluffy cheeks, his pale skin, his facial mole.
Oh, sweet Jesus. Bless his facial moles. They’re like constellations.
Ran has always loved constellations. Stars calm the weight of an exhausting night. And he wants to trace those moles as tenderly as he traces the stars.
Maybe, just maybe–like the constellation of stars glowing brightly in the gloaming sky, Tatsu's presence would bring him the tranquility he needed on a starless night.
Tatsunori meets his gaze and smiles.
"Tatsunori Otsuka." eye-smile locked against the other "Funny, I don’t think I’ve ever properly introduced myself." he extends his hand to meet the other's.
"And here I thought you were going to keep me guessing forever" Ran chuckles, taking Tatsu's open palm. "Ran Takahashi"
Funny, their hands stay there a bit longer than necessary.
4:30 am. In the middle of a soothingly, peaceful night, this ever-scary, almost deserted bridge in town is (definitely) still not included in Ran's favorite place to walk to.
He hates the dogs here. He hates the eerie silence it gives. He hates the fear of being stabbed out of nowhere.
He simply hates it,
But maybe walking with this heart-stoppingly attractive, equally struggling and ruined young adult like him could change that.
Maybe it isn’t a couple of cats that can fix his life.
Maybe it’s the people you meet when you go looking for them.
Or, if he’s lucky, the one who stays after.