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“You know, I have to warn you. If you keep bringing me coffee every morning, I am gonna fall in love with you,” Morgan says as they wrap their hands around the steaming cup.
Alex snorts and sits down with their own cup. “What happened to staying single forever?”
“Hey, that was just a thought experiment! And this is just a ploy to get you to bring me more coffee.” Morgan takes a sip, letting the warmth spread through their chest.
Alex raises an elegant brow. “You think that’s gonna work now that you’ve revealed your dastardly plans?”
It’s not like they're actually gonna fall in love with Alex. It’s Alex . Alex is not gonna fall in love with Morgan either, so what’s a little flirting between friends? Like, Alex has been doing it, it’s part of their whole smooth charming supervillain schtick.
Two can play that game.
“I know it will,” Morgan says with a wink.
“If you keep doing the housework, I will fall in love with you,” Morgan says after they enter the kitchen and find the dishes already cleaned and put away.
“You know I just need to snap my fingers to do it, right?” Alex says, not looking up from their knitting.
"I caught you doing the dusting by hand last week."
Alex focuses even harder on their knitting. A curl of smoke wafts from the end of the yarn.
Morgan smiles. It’s cute that Alex gets embarrassed about it, even though they’re well aware Morgan’s seen through their edgelord persona from the moment they met.
“Wait, where did you find this brand of cup noodles? I thought they were discontinued!”
“Are they? I just found these in a shop on the other side of town where I was fighting the Chastisers,” Alex sweeps crushed mortar dust off their shirt, not meeting Morgan’s eyes. “It was so boring I decided to get lunch instead, and I know you like cup noodles…”
“If you bring me any more of these I will fall in love with you,” Morgan says, already putting on the kettle.
Alex rolls their eyes. “You should eat other things too, you know.”
Morgan decides not to comment on that, nor on the dusting of pink across Alex’s cheekbones. Caring about other people must be so hard for them.
Next week they find a pocket dimension in their cupboard, filled to the brim with noodles.
Holy shit, being friends with Alex is the best. Who wouldn’t trade a couple morals for their favourite snacks?
“God, that family dinner was exhausting,” Morgan near wheezes the moment they’ve teleported back home. “Thanks for not killing anyone, I had my doubts when mom started passive-aggressively listing all of Chad’s achievements...”
“Your parents didn’t make it easy,” Alex says, walking into the kitchen. “But I have to admit it was pretty fun to watch them squirm.”
“And you were so nice to them! It was the funniest shit I’ve ever seen.” Thinking about the pinched expression on their mom's face when Alex had complimented her tarte flambée makes Morgan laugh. “I should date you just so I can keep bringing you to these things.”
There’s a sudden crack and a clank in quick succession that sounds unmistakably like - yep, Alex has torn the fridge door off its hinges again.
“Fuck,” says Alex. “I - I’ll fix it right away.”
“Aw, did pretending to be nice wear you out that much?”
Alex fiddles with the door, trying to reconnect it. “Didn’t you say that you’d rather stay single than date a serial mass murderer, the greatest villain the world has ever seen, a horrific person?”
“Oh my god, I didn’t realise you’re still hung up on that.” Morgan can barely remember that conversation, but Alex seems to be able to recall it word for word. Surely Morgan hadn’t actually hurt Alex’s feelings? “I mean, if the goal is to piss off my parents, you’re the best candidate there is.”
Like, they’re already partners. In crime, of course, which is the most important kind.
Alex fumbles the shakanium fridge door and drops it on their foot.
“Shit, are you okay?”
“Yep. Yeah.” Alex's voice sounds strained. “I’m super okay. I’d worry more about the floor if I were you.”
Morgan throws their seventeenth piece of crumpled up paper at the wall, but who’s counting? They’ve been at this for hours, and the ancient coin exhibition will only be in town for a couple more days, and it’s driving them absolutely nuts that they can’t get their plan to add up already.
They flatten out another sheet of paper in front of them, and place the tip of their pencil against it, waiting for the ideas to move it as they always do.
When they don’t, Morgan groans and thunks their head down on the desk.
“You should take a break,” Alex says from their spot on the couch.
“I’ve got a deadline,” Morgan mutters against the table.
“Then you should definitely take a break.”
“Mmmn, what would I even do, there’s nothing else to do right now,” Morgan protests.
“Not even a jungle adventure on the roof?”
Morgan sits up immediately. “There’s a jungle adventure on the roof?”
Alex puts down their book. “I did some landscaping earlier,” they say. “Obviously it’s perfect, but I’d still like your feedback on it.”
“Oh my god, Alex,” Morgan says, heart racing at the promise of adventure. They’re already slipping on their shoes. “If you keep adding cool shit like that to the roof, I am gonna fall in love with you.”
Running out the door with a grin, Morgan doesn’t see Alex’s book catch fire, or the sprinklers going off immediately afterwards.
Morgan gasps as Alex removes the bullet from their body, easy as sliding a ring onto their finger.
“Who did this to you?”
The pain makes Morgan feel more than a little delirious, all they can focus on is the knife cold intensity of Alex’s eyes, and the way their voice is laced with lethality.
It sounds like a marriage proposal.
Morgan doesn’t know how to answer. They can’t answer.
If you keep doing this, I am going to fall in love with you, is what they think before they can catch themself.
They blame the blood loss.
Morgan pauses mid-sip when they realise they don’t see their spanner anywhere. They lift up their schematics and notebooks, root around their other tools, and are just about to mutter something crass, when -
“Here you go,” says Alex, holding out a spare spanner.
“Oh, thanks,” Morgan says, accepting it. “Fair warning, if you keep carrying extra tools with you just in case I need them at random times, I will -”
Ah.
Shit.
This is embarrassing.
“You’ll what, Morgan?”
Alex’s eyes are like honey, like amber, like the sunset bleeding in through the blinds. Morgan is still holding the cup of coffee Alex brought them earlier.
“Um.” Morgan can’t feel their brain suddenly. “So remember how you told me to remind you not to fall in love with me?”
“Yes?” There’s a very slight curve to Alex’s mouth, like the cryptid sighting of a smile.
“You can, you can fall in love with me now. If you want.”
For a moment, the only noise is the hum of the fridge.
Alex leans forward just a bit, tilting up Morgan’s chin with a finger, catching them in the floodlight attention of their gaze. If Morgan had been able to feel anything but their own pulse, they might think Alex is shaking. Just a little.
“I suppose,” Alex says quietly, in a way that’s probably meant to sound menacing but doesn’t quite manage, “if you’re giving me permission…”
Morgan swallows, reeling under the big shadow of implications they’re not ready to comprehend just yet. “I- I am.”
When Alex kisses them, it’s with the familiarity of someone who has long since memorised the shape of their smile.
