Work Text:
“If I didn’t know any better, Skywalker, I’d say you were following me.”
Teeth flashing white through the dirt coating his face, Luke grinned ruefully and spread his hands in a helpless shrug. “Great minds, I think.”
Mara huffed a sigh, exasperated and amused in turn. There was little in either his posture or Force sense to tell her he was lying, but it wouldn’t do to let him off the hook so soon. She kicked one of the unconscious smuggler’s boots as she strode past them, slipping her blaster back into its holster as she did so. “So you just so happen to show up as I’m dismantling this cartel’s weapons’ smuggling operations? Seems suspect to me, especially since it’s the Republic’s golden Jedi who’s here now– don’t you have bigger wampas to take down?”
He had already hooked his lightsaber back onto his belt and was bent over to cuff the Twi’lek he’d dropped only moments before. “This cartel was a big wampa. Mon Mothma had agents who traced back arms’ dealings all the way back here, supplying weapons to the latest uprisings. It was a big enough operation the senate didn’t want to underestimate the seriousness of the situation, and I was in the midst of a slow period on Yavin, anyway.”
Mara smirked. “Isn’t boredom a pathway to the Dark Side? I could’ve sworn I heard something along those lines once…”
“I sincerely hope not, cos otherwise we’d all be doomed to Fall.”
It was good to hear him joke. It had been awhile since she had seen any sign of his wry sense of humor, and it frankly hadn’t seemed right to see him so grim and reclusive. His quiet respite teaching the students at the Praxeum had clearly done him some good, whatever else he or anyone else said to the contrary.
Force knew if anyone deserved a vacation, it was Skywalker.
She cursed under her breath when she realized she had already used all of her stun cuffs, and then felt a nudge through the Force and automatically held out a hand as he tossed– lifted?-- a spare pair he had on him. She caught them without looking and finished her task, and then straightened again to meet his gaze with a half-smirk. “Seems to me you’re still useful for something,” she told him, and as she’d hoped he grinned right back.
“Karrde told me you’d be here.”
She couldn’t say she was surprised; a little irritated, but not surprised. “Well, Karrde should mind his own business.”
“Isn’t that what he’s doing?”
She groaned. “That was a bad joke, Skywalker, and you know it. Look, I know he’s got a line open to the Republic, but there wasn’t any need to involve–” Her mouth clicked shut before she could say the hurtful word ‘you’. But he heard it anyway, damn him, and she felt her gut twist with regret as a shadow crossed his face.
He’d done so well over the past months; he’d finally crawled out of the dark hole he’d fallen into and was out involved in the universe again, and here she was insulting him.
Ten years ago she had thought so little of those who eventually collapsed under too much weight; there was a simple philosophy she had clung to– if you were weak, you died, and good riddance. She had been haughty in her sense of superiority over those she had deemed lesser, those beings who allowed life to wear them down, and she had never dreamed she could one day be one of them.
And then the Emperor had died, and she had been left with nothing. There had been despair then, yes, and hatred and fury– but Mara was an insumate survivor, and she hadn’t allowed such feelings to drag her down for long. The realization that she wasn’t above such feelings had been a harsh lesson, though, and one she’d never forgotten.
It had helped her to not be so harsh after Skywalker’s troubles, when he had reached the point of breaking. She wouldn’t forget the night she had met up with Leia Organa following Skywalker’s forced hospitalization, and saw the worry and concern in her deep brown eyes, the thin line of her mouth and the tension in her shoulders.
‘Sometimes I’ve wondered if this shouldn’t have happened after Bespin,’ she had said quietly, and although Mara didn’t know the story behind the infamous Cloud City she remembered Vader had come back from there quieter– and more volatile– than what was normal even for him. The only thing she had conclusively discovered about it was that Skywalker had been within his grasp and had escaped once again– another normal occurrence, but that particular instance had seemed more important than others.
In hindsight, she wondered if maybe Bespin had been the moment Skywalker had found out Vader was his father. She knew that finding out had been traumatic for him– why wouldn’t it be?-- and it made sense.
He was turning from her now, prepared to continue on his way, and Mara felt the guilt twist into something painful. She was reaching out and grasping hold of his arm before she could stop herself. “Luke–”
He had lived with building traumas for more than ten years. Was it so surprising that it had simply built and built until it all became too much?
“I didn’t- I didn’t mean it that way. I’m sorry.”
His expression was flat and she knew he could sense the lie. “Don’t tell me something just to make me feel better, Mara– enough people have been doing that the past few years. I thought you didn’t go for false reassurances.”
She didn’t remove her hand, but neither did she move; her stillness provided him a focal point to mirror, to settle the roiling storm she could sense rising up in him. “I try not to,” she admitted softly. “But I’ve learned sometimes it’s better for the moment.”
The tempest of his Force presence stilled even more and there was a softening to his eyes that told her he understood. She spared him the trouble of formulating too vulnerable a response.
“Karrde wanted this group taken down just as much as the Republic did– they were a key component of the black market that was providing the Imperial Remnant with firearms and the like. Now all we’ve got to do is find their spice distribution centers and that’ll take care of a large part of the drug pushers in the Outer Rim.”
She thanked whatever gods existed that he took the out given him. He merely nodded and stepped away from her, his attention again on the unconscious smugglers scattered at their feet. “We’ve got backup coming in soon– that means paperwork for you, yeah?”
She blinked at the non sequitur. “Yes?”
His answering look was enough to make her stomach flip. “So what if we just leave before everyone shows up? Leave Karrde the paperwork.”
His attention hadn’t shifted at all, and Mara was annoyed that she hadn’t seen it. More annoyed, too, that she wasn’t immediately against the suggestion. “I’m second in command for Karrde, Skywalker. I can’t just leave him my responsibilities and disappear into thin air while we do who-knows-what–”
“And what would we be doing?” There was a distinctive sly tilt to his mouth and a light in his eyes as he spoke, and Mara swore to herself as she realized her slip.
She was much too complacent around him.
She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow challengingly. “Not meditating, that’s for sure.”
He smiled again, the shadows gone from his face, and Mara’s heart skipped a beat.
Force, this is a bad idea.
~/~/~/~/~
“Maybe this isn’t a good idea.”
Mara couldn’t help her short sarcastic bark of a laugh as she closed the door behind them. She leaned against it and watched as Luke divested himself of his cloak and lightsaber, appreciating the curve of his hip, the long supple muscle of his arms; Skywalker was most definitely attractive in a sweet, wholesome way if one were into such looks, but Mara had always thought that attractiveness had more to do with his personality.
“I think it’s a bit too late for second guessing, don’t you, Skywalker?”
His blue eyes were guileless as he turned to face her. “I don’t want to use you, Mara.”
“Yes, you do.” She straightened and took a step forward, and then another and another until she was directly in front of him. He stood his ground, which was good. Very good. Mara had always hated cowardice. “You’ve been hurting, and hurt, and you want some relief. If I can give that to you, so much the better– isn’t that right?”
The back of his neck was flushing red at how bluntly she was speaking, but he didn’t try to shy away. “If I asked you to marry me,” he said quietly, “would you do it?”
“You know I wouldn’t.”
The set of his jaw tightened as he lifted his chin. “It’s not right, using you for a night and then just- discarding you like you’re a piece of trash. You’re worth more than that.”
She could truly love him for that– she did love him for that. But love would not fill in the gaps of differences and opinions, and Mara knew very well that Skywalker’s passion was in the Order he was building. Being a Jedi was the single most important thing in his life, even if the events of the Eye of Palpatine had seriously shaken that conviction.
Mara would never choose the life of a Jedi. It simply wasn’t an interest, and Skywalker had realized that even if it disappointed him; she wondered if maybe Karrde had had an ulterior motive by making the two of them meet up like this. Knowing Karrde, he probably did.
“There’s just one piece of the puzzle missing from your grand-standing, Skywalker.” She leaned in even closer, until their noses were almost touching. “I’m using you just as much as you’re using me. I’m not going to be insulted in the morning when we go our separate ways.”
He met her gaze– and stance– challengingly. “Is that the whole truth?”
Sometimes she wanted to hit him over the head with something hard and heavy; she knew why he had such a policy of open honesty, though, and why he strove for truth in what he heard or said. Nineteen years of half-truths and outright lies had burned him– badly.
She understood that, in her way. The Emperor had fed her nothing but the same for all the years of her service if only to ensure her absolute devotion.
She would hurt Skywalker by saying what she wanted to, but he had always valued her honesty. “I would prefer it, actually,” she said now, and saw something in his stance shift. The fortifications he had rebuilt wavered, shuddered, at her truth– but they held nonetheless. He didn’t move from where he stood, and Mara smiled gently at him in open admiration for his strength. She took his left hand in hers and squeezed his fingers. “You’re strong enough to not need me.”
“Maybe it’s not a matter of needing, Mara.” It was a soft rebuke, the kind only he could give.
He had always felt strongly for her– maybe that was why she was so desperate to keep him at arm’s length. “I don’t want you to choose me over the Order. I don’t want to feel obligated to join it.”
His eyebrows shot up. “Is that what you’re afraid of? That if we end up in bed together then we’d need to be joined at the hip forever?”
Well, when he put it that way. “Skywalker…” Sighing, Mara shook her head and placed her hands on her hips, rocking back on her heels.
He grinned something sad and oddly hollow. “I know,” he said quietly. “I know your plans don’t include me.” He motioned vaguely with his hand, encompassing the entirety of the room, Mara’s presence, the night– everything. Still…
“Here we are,” Mara said, finishing his unspoken thought. It wasn’t as reluctant as she’d thought it would sound. Truth be told, she was as lonely as he was and she had given him her answer as soon as she followed him to his rooms.
One night wouldn’t hurt.
~/~/~/~/~
She woke up well before dawn, naked and warm underneath his arm and blankets. She was determined to leave before he woke up, too, and he was notorious for being an early riser; but now in the dark she found it harder to leave than she’d thought it would. She wasn’t used to sharing a bed with anyone, but with him it didn’t seem an annoyance, and she regretted that this wouldn’t be a regular occurrence.
She breathed in the scent of him and then carefully pulled away from him to stand, hissing slightly as sore muscles pulled and protested.
Whatever else, Skywalker was very good in bed. She wondered if he had had nights of conquest during the Rebellion days, or if his experience had come afterwards. Maybe Solo had introduced him to the local taverns and whorehouses of the various planets they had visited over the past few years. It made her grin, thinking about the sunny farmboy he had been likely blushing and unable to get a word out at all when faced with his first tumble on a mattress.
She finished dressing in the faint light of the various electronics scattered around the room, and lastly clipped her lightsaber to her belt. The lightsaber he had gifted her, and the reminder was both a warm happiness and a kick to the gut.
Karrde had commed her during the night. When you’re quite finished playing around with Skywalker, Mara, I need some help with the paperwork. Have fun.
Damn the man. She wasn’t sure which one she was cursing, be it Karrde or Skywalker himself, but it was applicable to both. Shaking her head, she pulled her hair up into a quick braid and made her her clothes were straight and unwrinkled; the last thing she needed was to meet Karrde with clear evidence of what she had done in the night.
Skywalker hadn’t stirred from his sleep, and she more heard his steady breathing than actually saw him; hesitating for just a moment before heading to the door, she gave in to a sudden impulse and bent down to kiss him one more time.
Then she turned around and left, resolved to not look back. She had her job to return to, a life that existed outside of a rented hotel room on a Mid-Rim world, and Skywalker wasn’t in it.
Even if sometimes, rarely, she wanted him to be.