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“Come on, Namjoon. Be the man you’re always saying you are and try pushing this up. You’re stronger than I am, anyway,” Seokin says, ankle-deep in frigid seawater. He’s usually never the one to keep his head in situations like these – not that we’ve ever been in a situation like this, but I mean in dire situations – but he’s not panicking and that’s probably because we’ve both more or less resigned ourselves now.
There’s no point in panicking, not when you’re in a ship that's flipped upside down and are trapped who-knows-how-deep underwater. Both of us have our lifejackets on, but both of us also know that’s not exactly going to do much unless we can get out of this room. Right now it’s just keeping us warmer, and barely at that.
Getting out has so far proved to be unsuccessful. Seokjin’s paced back and forth more times than I can count, in this room that we’ve been trapped in, testing and pressing on rubble. We’re going to die, I think. I don’t say it out loud, but I think Seokjin knows it, too. The water level’s been steadily rising, and that’s not exactly our only problem. I don’t know how long our flashlight is going to last, and there’s precious little air down here.
All the same, I try hauling up the beam that’s fallen halfway through the wall. “No go. It’s stuck,” I tell him. Seokjin frowns and taps his fingers on it. I suggest, “Maybe we can climb through?”
He examines the opening the beam had made as it crumbled through the wall. “Too small,” he decides, pushing his shoulder in and testing it out. “Maybe we can both jump on it and get it to go all the way down.”
I frown as he climbs on top of the beam to start bouncing lightly on it. Seokjin’s not exactly known for his amazing balance. It’s funny that I’m worried he might fall off when we’re pretty much going to die. “What would that accomplish?” I glance upward at the ceiling. Or the floor. Whatever it was before the ferry flipped. “It might even make the roof cave in.”
He shrugs and holds his hand out for me. “No other choice, right?” He’s right, so I take his hand and hoist myself onto the beam. We stand on it for a second, testing the beam and I brace one hand on the ceiling and another around his waist to make sure we aren’t falling off. He tries jumping lightly, and I follow. “Well, that did nothing,” he sighs. He takes the flashlight from where we’ve hung it on the ceiling and shines it through the gap the beam made. “Do you think anyone else made it out alive?”
I shrug and jump back down onto the floor. The water’s up to mid-calf now. “I don’t know.” There had been about 500 of us on the ferry, but it had tipped over pretty quickly. I remember running for Seokjin when the boat tipped over, and then not much after that when I came to in a dark room, Seokjin slapping my cheeks to get me to wake up. I’d apparently bumped my head when the ferry flipped.
We’re still in that same rom. “At least we’re together,” Seokjin says, quietly, lowering himself to sit on the beam. He’s peeled off his socks but put his sneakers back on when I pointed out there might be sharp things on the ground. Bright red converses, though now soaked they’re a darker maroon. Both of our feet are soaked through in freezing seawater, but things like that tend not to be too concerning when you’re in a situation where you’re most likely going to die.
“It’s because I went to look for you,” I say, righting an upturned chair to sit. It’s wet, but so is everything else. I offer him a smile, and he rolls his eyes as he swings his legs back and forth. It’s almost like we’re not trapped within rubble in a sunk ferry. Almost like we’re back in home, and he’s sitting on the kitchen table swinging his legs because I’ve banned him from helping me cook, and then I destroy the kitchen and he ends up making something anyway.
“I went to look for you, too,” he defends himself, kicking a little harder. The tips of his converses touch the water and they kick up little droplets. I swat them away when they hit my face and splash water in his direction to get him to stop, but Seokjin just reaches lower to kick water up at me.
It gets us laughing, and maybe we’re going a little crazy, trapped in this room with the water level rising continuously. He hops off the beam and rights another chair so he can sit next to me. We can hear a torrent of water somewhere, not too close, but not that far, either, where the ocean water’s pouring into the interior of the ship through a breach. “We’re not getting out of here,” I tell him, and he nods.
“I wish we could see Yoongi and Hoseok and Jimin and Taehyung and Jungkook again,” he says, his voice shaking a little. He’s getting scared now with nothing else to occupy his mind.
“They probably want to see us, too,” I tell him, and he starts crying. I wish I’d kept my phone in my pocket instead of in my bag so we could’ve called them, but that’s all just wishful thinking now. “Sorry I wasn’t a better boyfriend.”
“Don’t be stupid,” he sniffles a little and blinks rapidly to keep his tears in check. It doesn’t really work and I reach up to thumb a tear away. “You were the best boyfriend ever.”
I poke at his cheek and offer him a smile. “I’m going to be right here with you until the end.” He smiles sadly and jabs me in the cheek with his index finger. His nails are chipped, broken with the combination of sea water and trying to move debris out of the way. I let him poke my cheeks for a bit. “You were the best boyfriend ever, too.”
“Duh,” he says, kicking at the water. It’s almost up to our knees now, soaking his jeans through and starting to catch at the ends of my shorts.
After a bit of silence, he starts fumbling with the bottom clasps of our life jackets. He’s attaching our life vests together. “Bodies get lost,” he explains fiercely, even though I don’t ask, “and I don’t want them to have to go looking twice for us. This way if they find one of us, they’ll find us both.”
“Okay.” I’ve always loved Seokjin’s hands. He’s got soft hands, always warm and always ready to interlace our fingers together. I take his hands, both of them clasped in mine, and squeeze. The water’s cold, but his hands are warm enough.