Chapter Text
The first thing Namine noticed was the dim buzzing in her head. Then it was how heavy her arms felt. It was dark, too. Or... no. Her eyes were just closed.
“Is it possible the vessel is incompatible with her heart? It was originally a Riku model, wasn't it?”
A familiar voice— one Namine hadn't heard in a long time— was talking over the buzz. She vaguely recalled his name: Zexion. Or his Somebody now, she supposed. She tried to open her eyes, but couldn't do more than flitter her eyelids a little.
A second voice snapped at the first, a bit tiredly, “No, no! I made the necessary modifications. The vessel should work perfectly.” A sigh. “It is, however, possible that we simply cannot do it. Roxas needed a ‘connection’ in order to activate the vessel, after all.”
Is this a dream? Where am I? Why are Zexion and Vexen talking about Roxas? Am I no longer in Kairi’s heart? Did they bring me back? That can’t be right. Why would they bother? No one wants me.
“Even, weren’t the Organization replicas activated without this connection? How did you achieve it then?” DiZ’s voice carried from what sounded like the other end of a large room.
It took her a minute, but she remembered DiZ mentioned his apprentices during one of his many tirades. The ones who later became Organization XIII and the target of his revenge. If they were working together, then perhaps he’d forgiven them.
I’m glad it’s worked out for them.
“Xehanort’s replicas behaved in a different manner, due to their being from a different time. In a way, they acted as their own connection, binding each other to themselves. As for Xion and the Riku Replica, I believe what tied them to their vessels was the desire to complete what they lacked. Their future selves affected the past versions of themselves in some way that left them wanting to live. It's a shame this one doesn't feel the same.”
That’s because everyone’s happy without me. I don’t need to be in the real world. I’m fine just being Kairi’s shadow. I’m fine not existing. I’m fine just fading away. I’m not wanted anyway.
“You can’t tell me you’re okay with this! I know how much you’re hurting. I... felt that pain, through Roxas.”
Sora... That’s right. I never thanked him. For everything he’s done for me. Even though I’m just a Nobody.
But...
It’s not too late.
She shifted her arms and felt the cool slab underneath her body, freezing under her legs. The room itself was warm, and a slight breeze was coming from one end of the room where she figured there must be a door.
“Master Ansem, Even! She’s moving.” Her eyes slowly opened and she blinked up at three men in lab coats peering down on her. Carefully, she sat up and Zexion gave her a shy smile. “Good morning.”
“Well it’s about time! I was beginning to consider this another failure!” Vexen— no, Even huffed as he scribbled furiously onto a clipboard.
“Hello, Namine. I am glad you’ve decided to return to the Realm of Light. And... I am deeply sorry for my behavior towards you. My words and actions were unacceptable, and there is no way for me to atone. But you deserve at the very least an apology, and so much more besides,” DiZ bowed his head, no longer covered in bandages, his fists clenched at his sides.
Namine stared at him in disbelief, then at the other two. Even had lost interest and was checking something on the large computer across the room. Zexion’s Somebody was glancing awkwardly between her and DiZ, and DiZ himself was quiet, head still bowed.
“You brought me back?” she whispered.
“Yes. Master Ansem was very insistent we do so, and Demyx brought us a Replica to use as your vessel,” Zexion stepped in. “And I want to apologize as well, for what happened in Castle Oblivion. We shouldn’t have used you, but now we’re trying to make things right. My name is Ienzo now,” he abruptly introduced himself in the middle of his explanation. “Neither I nor Even associate with Xehanort or his Organization anymore.”
“Ha! Not that Xehanort is around to associate with , and good riddance!” Even interjected.
Namine nodded. “Sora defeated him. And you brought Roxas back, too, right?” I'm sure he was saved first.
“Most of Roxas’s restoration was done by Ienzo, but yes. We all had a part in that.”
With a shaky breath, Namine looked at DiZ. “Then... if Sora can forgive you, and he can forgive me , then I suppose... it wouldn’t be fair of me not to forgive you, too.”
Relief washed over the old man’s face. Then for the first time in her life, DiZ smiled at her.
I'm alive. Now I can make it up to those I've hurt.
And with this body I can see him again.
Namine’s muscles were stiff as she clumsily removed herself from the lab chair, and Ienzo had to keep her from falling when her feet hit the floor. It had been too long since she had walked with her own two legs. She held his arm tight as she took one tentative step forward, then another.
Her hands were trembling as she touched various objects around the room, feeling the textures with her new and very real fingers. She couldn’t help a small, shaky smile as she looked the men in the eyes.
“Thank you,” her voice was quieter than she’d intended.
The three scientists shuffled uncomfortably, as if they were just as unused to being thanked as she was.
“Hm, that’s all well and good, but we still have to perform various tests to ensure you don’t suffer any adverse effects from the Replica,” Even grumbled, bringing his clipboard with him as he approached her. “The scans indicate you should be stable, but just in case something was missed—”
DiZ —Ansem the Wise— cleared his throat and Even glanced up at him before grimacing. “Ah. Yes, in order to complete the checkup, I’ll need to take a closer look. It won’t hurt, as all I’ll be doing is inspecting your coordination and making sure there aren’t any abnormalities in the vessel.” He looked directly at Namine for the first time. “If that’s alright with you, Namine.”
She blinked. “Um, okay.” She wasn’t used to being asked permission.
Even and Ienzo then had her follow a series of exercises to make sure all her limbs were in working order, and checked her skin for any strange marks or other indications of the Replica rejecting her. Everything passed.
The body was hers.
But it was going outside that really caught Namine off guard.
“A... picnic?” She wasn’t sure she’d heard right.
“Yes,” Ienzo confirmed. “Master Ansem insists that regular outings are good for our health, and so we occasionally have our meals in the old garden area with other residents of the town.”
Namine hesitated. She’d never been around more than a handful or so people at a time, but to go outside and be in the presence of an entire town?
“There’s no need for you to worry. Everyone is too occupied by their own problems to focus on you, if it’s the attention you fear. Rather, they’ll all be drawn to me , looking to fix everything I’ve destroyed,” Ansem said, breaking her train of thought. “But should it prove to be too overwhelming for you, you may return to the castle any time you like. There’s no need to force yourself to stay in a situation that makes you uncomfortable.”
And if I’m going to be a real person, I should get used to seeing crowds of strangers living their lives.
Namine took a deep breath, then nodded at them. “I’ll go.”
The sky was bright with late-morning sunlight. Namine shivered as a slight breeze grazed her bare shoulders. The stone underneath her feet were slightly uneven, and the gates at the bottom of the long stretch of stairs were rusted over. Remnants of the world before its fall, and the aftermath of its destruction. That it still had a powerful light to it was proof of this world’s resilience. She was still anxious, but the sheer determination demonstrated by the castle’s exterior encouraged her forward.
Oblivious to the effect these first few steps outdoors had on her, the party of scientists and guards led Namine over to the remains of a gate that had been hidden by the castle base and into their destination.
Rather than a garden, Namine stepped into what looked like half-abandoned ruins. It was hard to see the place ever having had been a garden if it weren’t for the bordered areas that marked where plants might have been.
But in spite of the state of everything, large sections had been cleared of rubble, and townsfolk were setting up tables and bringing in food, or laying out blankets on the ground. There were more people gathered here than Namine had seen in one place in... ever, really.
It was the most amazing thing she’d ever seen.
They selected a spot to settle in and Aeleus set down the items he’d been carrying before leaving to add to the growing selection of food at the line of tables in the center of the garden. Dilan had already disappeared somewhere in the crowd, leaving the four of them to spread out the blanket for them to sit on. Namine was given a smaller one that was draped over her knees to keep warm.
As she’d been warned, the moment the picnic-goers caught wind of Ansem’s arrival, people flocked over to ask him all sorts of questions that Namine didn’t have time to process, while he answered and apologized and arranged later appointments until eventually everyone had had their say. She had almost decided to return to the castle just from that, but felt a small amount of pride when she made it through the whole experience without running away. She did notice she was pressing her legs close to herself in an attempt to seem smaller, but she could work on that.
After all, she had all the time in the world now, to learn how to not be afraid. To be normal.
At some point during the whirlwind of townspeople, Even and Ienzo had disappeared to fetch some food, leaving Namine alone with Ansem the Wise. The two sat in silence for a moment and Namine gazed up at the sky. It was a lot like the one in the Final World: a deep blue with a few scattered clouds. There was one blinding difference though: the sun. She squinted as she looked directly at the ball of light, then blinked several times to try and wipe away the afterimage burned into her vision.
“So this is what daylight is like for real, and not as just a memory,” she whispered. “It’s so much brighter than the one in Twilight Town.”
It was slight, barely noticeable, but Namine saw Ansem flinch before he swiftly recovered. Then he took a deep breath and joined her in watching the sky as he said, “I knew. For as long as you’ve existed, I have known that you and Roxas, and potentially all Nobodies, had hearts. I knew, yet I insisted on claiming ignorance in my single-minded thirst for revenge. Because of my hatred, when I freed you from Castle Oblivion, rather than grant you the life and respect you deserved as a living being, I treated you, and thought of you, as nothing more than a tool. To be discarded once your usefulness had expired. It was a selfish act, done to pretend I had retained my own humanity while planning the demise of my apprentices that I had dehumanized. If I admitted that you were just as human as I, then what of them? I could allow nothing to cloud my resolve, and you children paid the price once again. There is nothing, in any of the Worlds, that can undo what I have done to you, so I can only hope that you see so many more skies in your future, to make up for the ones you’ve missed.”
Namine nodded, her mouth pursed slightly. “It hurt. My entire life, all I’d known was pain. Physical pain, when the Organization had me. Emotional pain, when I worked with you. And the entire time, no matter who I was with, their words would cut through my heart, until I thought it would break. Even Sora’s and Kairi’s kindness hurt, when they gave it to me, because I believed all the things you had said to me. I know better now, and I can feel that you’ll do better, too. So I want to leave the past where it belongs: in a memory. A painful memory, yes, but one we can learn from, and become good people one day because of it.”
“Namine,” Ansem frowned, “you do not need to ‘become’ a good person. You already are one. Your actions in helping and protecting others for all of your short life is proof enough.”
A small smile flittered across her face. “If the little I’ve done is enough, then what about you? Everyone calls you ‘Ansem the Wise’. If you’re so wise, you must have good in you already somewhere, right?”
“Perhaps,” he chuckled. “Thank you, Namine, for allowing this old fool, who once was wise, his self-pity and remorse.”
“Maybe... Maybe that’s the way I’m trying to atone for what I’ve done. By letting go of what others have done to me. By forgiving them— by forgiving you , I can forgive myself.”
“For being a child?” Ansem looked like he had more to say, but waited for her to elaborate.
She shook her head, then looked him in the eye. “For giving up.”
Ienzo finally returned, carrying two plates of food. He handed one to Namine, then sat down, complaining half-heartedly that Even was busy squabbling with one of the other residents about whether or not one should add a pork bone to their beans while cooking. Ansem sighed, then stood and left to get his own food.
Namine thanked Ienzo for the plate, which he acknowledged with a nod, and the two dug in. He’d given her mostly bland foods, explaining that too much flavor might be overwhelming for her senses in the adjustment period, especially if she wasn’t used to eating very much to begin with. Though they were bland as he’d said, neither spicy nor sweet, they were the most delicious things she’d had in a long, long while.
Not since the year of Sora’s sleep, when Riku would bring her snacks from the outside.
She wanted to see him again, along with the others. Would they be happy that she was back?
Sora said they would be. And if there was anyone she could believe, it was him.
For the rest of the day, Namine was allowed free roam of the castle, and could go outside so long as she brought an escort. And when evening came, she was brought to a room.
It was blue.
The color around her kept her awake until late in the night, but the events of the day finally dragged her to sleep.
Yes, everyone would be happy to see her, just like Sora said. She knew he was right, because her room was no longer pure white.
It could do with a few pictures though.