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Maya: I have this Thursday and Friday free, I work the rest of the days.
Carina: I can do Friday after five my time.
Maya: Ok sounds like a date!
Carina: Great, I’ll talk to you then bambina, ti amo.
Maya: I love you too, good luck on your exam.
Carina: Grazie bambina
That was easier than Maya expected it to be, it amazes her they didn’t do this before everything was blown out of control. It’s been two days since their fight and the problem hasn’t been solved and things are still tense between them. They have made a conscious effort to talk more and actually share how they are feeling but it feels forced.
Maya is excited nevertheless to see her and spend quality time with Carina and overall just talk to her. She misses having Carina with her but this is the next best thing, at least she gets to see her face.
Carina on the other hand is nervous for Friday, knowing that Maya thought about ending things has sent her anxiety through the roof for the past few days and everyone has noticed. She is currently sat down to lunch with some friends and she has barely spoken, just sat in silence starring at her food.
“Okay what’s up with you Deluca? You have been non-stop moping and brooding for two days now.” Chase one of her friends and study partners asks.
“It’s nothing, really.” Carina tries to convince them but it doesn’t even convince them a little bit.
“Yeah you aren’t even the slightest bit convincing.” Alicia one of her friends from anatomy comments and Carina sighs looking up to see the group looking at her expectantly.
“Me and my girlfriend got into a fight a few days ago and… we worked things out but…she said that she thought about breaking things off and I can’t stop focusing on that little comment.” Carina says pushing around the food on her plate not hungry anymore.
“That sucks Carina, is everything okay?” Dustin another one of her study partners asks a little too aggressively. Truth is he has had a crush on Carina since the first day he has met her and has been trying his best to hide it. He has been waiting for her and her girlfriend to break up so he can swoop in and shoot his shot.
“Yeah everything’s- we’re good. I shouldn’t be so stuck on what she said but I can’t help it, I keep picturing it. I keep thinking about her not being in my life and our friendship being thrown down the drain. She has been in my life for so long I don’t know what I would do without her.” Carina admits a few tears rolling down her face, she quickly swipes them off her cheeks not wanting anyone to see.
“You two seem really strong, I doubt you will ever have to imagine your life without her. You talk about her like she hung the moon, it’s sickening actually. I strive for a love like that, a love that even from a thousand miles away you still love her as hard as if she was here.” Alicia says giving Carina’s shoulder an encouraging shove making her smile.
“Yeah almost everyone who knows us says we are annoying with how in love we are. And I know we are strong and steady but it still makes me nervous our foundation isn’t as good as I thought it was.” Carina says with a sigh looking down at her watch.
“I have to go; I have an exam and it’s across campus. I’ll see you two later to study?” Carina asks pointing to Chase and Dustin.
“Yeah I can’t stay long I am going to a party.” Dustin says and Carina rolls her eyes and laughs gathering all of her things.
“Why am I not surprised.” Carina waves bye and exits the dining hall starting her walk across campus, moments like this make her miss her long board that she couldn’t bring with her on the plane.
Carina’s brain is once again filled with her and Maya’s fight and the tension that is between them, she knows they are going to be okay but it makes her feel uneasy. But they are stable, nothing can break them and push them down nothing is going to break them and Carina needs to keep telling herself this until she believes it.
She has a 15-minute walk and decides to call the only person that is going to make her feel better right now.
“Tesoro che sorpresa! Come stai?” [Sweetheart what a surprise! How are you?] Lucia answers not expecting to talk to Carina until Sunday when they normally have their weekly call.
“Non eccezionale onestamente. Sono in ansia per me e Maya” [Not great honestly. I am anxious about me and Maya] Carina responds another sigh escaping her lips.
“Va tutto bene? Quello che è successo?” [Is everything okay? What happened?] Lucia asks concerned, last she heard from her daughter everything was okay between them. They hadn’t talked much but everything was okay.
Carina didn’t consider that she would have to tell her mama about her and Maya’s fight when calling her. She kind of regrets it not wanting to have to rehash everything but maybe talking things out would help.
“Maya e io abbiamo litigato l'altro giorno e una cosa tira l'altra e lei ha detto che pensava di annullare le cose e io... non riesco a smettere di pensarci. Non so cosa farei senza sua madre. Ne ho parlato a morte, però, non ne ho parlato con Maya.” [Maya and I got into a fight the other day and one thing lead to another and she said that she thought about calling things off and I just- I can't stop thinking about it. I don't know what I would do without her mama. I have talked this to death though, I just haven't talked to Maya about it.] Carina got out annoyed with herself for not being able to get through this on her own, annoyed she can’t stop thinking about it.
“C'è il tuo problema proprio lì, non ne hai parlato con Maya. Parlane con lei e le cose si risolveranno da sole.” [There's your problem right there, you haven't talked to Maya about it. Talk to her about it and things will work themselves out.] Lucia says like it was the easiest thing in the world and Carina rolled her eyes.
“Non è così semplice-” [It’s not that simple] Carina starts but is cut off by her mama.
“È così semplice, parlale come l'adulto che sei. Lo stai facendo diventare più grande di quanto non sia in realtà.” [It is that simple, talk to her like the adult you are. You are making it out to be bigger than it actually is.] Lucia says with so much conviction that it makes Carina feel better.
“Ok, grazie per avermi parlato, dovevo solo togliermi tutto dal petto.” [Okay, thank you for talking to me, I just needed to get it all off my chest.] Carina says coming up on her building feeling a weight lifting off her shoulders. It helps talking to someone who knows her and Maya’s relationship. She loved her friends here but they don’t her and Maya’s relationship like her friends and family back home.
“Prego amore, cosa fai oggi?” [You're welcome love, what are you up to today?] Her mama asks and Carina sits down on the stairs leading into the building while she finishes talking to her mama.
“In realtà sto per sostenere un esame, quindi devo riattaccare presto.” [I am actually about to take an exam so I need to hang up soon.] Carina says looking at her watch seeing she has a few minutes.
“Allora ti lascerò andare, buona fortuna tesoro, mandami un messaggio quando parli con Maya e dimmi come va.” [I will let you go then, good luck sweetheart, text me when you talk to Maya and tell me how it goes.] Lucia says.
“Lo farò, ti amo” [I will, I love you] Carina says a smile on her face glad that she talked to her mama.
“Ti amo anch'io tesoro, ti parlerò più tardi” [i love you too honey talk to you later]
“Ciao” Carina hangs up and sits on the stairs soaking up the rare sun they get in the fall, Carina always feels better after talking to her mama. She always has a way of putting things into perspective for her.
She gets up and goes into the building to take her exam feeling like she can actually focus after talking everything out.
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It’s finally Friday and Maya has been nervous all day to talk to Carina, she knows it’s going to be awkward but she doesn’t care at least she gets to see her. Maya wishes it was earlier than two in the afternoon so that she didn’t have to wait all morning but that’s what extra-long runs are for. She went on a much needed ten mile run and she felt completely dead after it, she contemplated taking a nap while taking an extra-long shower but decided against it. Instead she cleaned the entire apartment out of sheer anxiety and before she knew it her phone was ringing with Carina’s picture taking up her screen.
Maya takes a deep breath and answers it not realizing she looked like a hot mess from cleaning. Maya sat down at the table and stood the phone against a random candle sitting on the table.
“Hey” Maya starts with a smile seeing Carina on her screen already feeling better.
“Ciao, what we’re doing before answering this call?” Carina asks seeing the state of her girlfriend laughing slightly. She had her hair in a haphazard high bun and a smudge of something on her cheek and she overall looked disheveled.
“I may have been stress cleaning the apartment trying to kill time until our FaceTime date.” Maya admits deciding not to make up an excuse.
“You were nervous too?” Carina asks feeling better knowing she wasn’t the only one who was nervous.
“Yeah a little, I mean I went on a ten-mile run earlier so I think nervous is an understatement.” Maya says bashfully knowing going for that long of a run wasn’t exactly healthy.
“Maya I haven’t seen you run ten miles since high school when Lane made you run home from school.” Carina says remembering the day but not remembering what the reason was.
“Yeah I pushed myself a little harder than I should have don’t be too mad at me.” Maya says blowing out a breath trying to blow out all of the nerves from her body.
“I’m not mad but running ten miles is not the answer to your anxieties.” Carina points out and Maya smiles looking at her.
“Neither is studying nonstop for hours don’t think I don’t know what you’ve been doing the past few days. When you’re anxious you throw yourself into schoolwork and don’t come up for air let alone to eat something.” Maya points out and Carina tries to hold back a smile, Maya really did know her better than she knew herself.
“You’re not wrong…I have actually been thinking about something you said the other day. I haven’t been able to get it out of my head.” Carina starts not knowing where to start.
“Yeah? What have you been thinking about?” Maya asks thinking she knows what this is about but she doesn’t want to say it.
“I have thinking…were you really thinking about breaking up?” Carina asks outright needing to know and talk this out with her.
Maya knew that’s what she was going to say and she almost wishes she wouldn’t have said it that night but it just came out.
“I…Yeah I thought about it, but the moment I did I knew I wouldn’t be able to actually go through with it. I love you too damn much to ever give you up, the thought of you not being in my life terrifies me. I tried to picture my life without you in it and I couldn’t, I knew breaking up would have been the easy way out and I didn’t want to do that. It can’t be us against the world if we weren’t together and I really like the thought of taking on the world with you.” Maya says a small smile on her face, she pulls in one of her legs to her chest in a sort of hug wishing she could hug Carina right now but this would have to do for now.
Carina listens to her and smiles too a few tears falling down her cheeks, it’s always nice hearing how much Maya loves her. It reminds her that she means something to someone, that someone out there depends on her and she depends on them. Maya is the only person in her life that truly takes care of her, puts her first almost 100% of the time and she feels truly loved when she is with Maya. Even from a thousand miles away she feels enveloped in her love just from her words.
“I’m glad that you chose to stick it out, I don’t know what I would do without you either, you are my other half. No more thinking about breaking up, if it ever gets that bad we need to promise to talk to each other.” Carina says making Maya promise, she doesn’t want things to ever get this bad again. She needs to know that it won’t ever get this bad again.
“Deal. The moment popped into my head I knew that I could never actually do it, I wanted to throw up even thinking about it. You are quite literally the love of my life and I don’t think I would ever be able to love anyone besides you in this lifetime.” Maya admits a smile on her face knowing Carina loves hearing sappy things like that.
Carina blushes and shakes her head smiling not being able to believe that she gets to have this woman all to herself. Not being able to believe that she has the privilege in calling Maya hers. “You’re trouble, you know that?”
“Me? How am I trouble?” Maya asks laughing.
“Because you say things like that and it makes me want to jump on a plane and come see you.” Carina says with a sigh wishing more than anything that she could snuggle up with Maya on their couch and just be in each other’s prescience. She just wants to be able to touch her, that’s all she wants from life at the moment.
“I mean I wouldn’t be opposed to the idea if I’m being honest, I wouldn’t try to talk you out of it if you really wanted to.” Maya says a cheeky smile on her face.
“And this is why you’re trouble, you say all these nice and incredibly sweet things that make me fall in love with you all over and I’m supposed to just sit here in Boston only seeing you through a screen. It’s completely unfair.” Carina pouts making Maya wish she could kiss it right off her face.
“You’re too adorable for your own good because you expect me to sit here while you have that cute pout on your face and sit here in Seattle not being able to do anything. This is a two-way street love.” Maya says shaking her head.
“I guess we are both going to have to suffer then it sounds like.” Carina says with a sigh hating this, hating the distance between them. “Remind me again why you can’t move down here and be a firefighter?”
Maya sighs, Carina has asked her numerous times why she couldn’t move down there and each time Maya says why and she thinks to herself that she sounds selfish. She thinks that maybe this whole thing is on her and the distance between them was solely on her. But she knows that’s not the case, she knows they wouldn’t be staying in Boston and then she would have to start all over in another city.
“Because this is where our families are and I don’t want to start to build a career in Boston just to leave.” Maya says with a sigh.
“I know, sometimes I just wish things weren’t so hard.” Carina says through a sigh.
“It’s not forever. Compared to the rest of our live four years are going to fly by and then hopefully you do your residency here in Seattle and everything will be okay.” Maya says smiling needing to stay positive, she doesn’t want her time with Carina to be sad.
“Okay, I know you’re right. We’re okay right? We’re going to be okay?” Carina asks needing to hear the words out loud.
“Yeah, we’re going to be okay.”
“Good, sometimes it’s just good to hear it be said” Carina says feeling the rest of thw weight life off her shoulders.
“What have you been up to today? Anything exciting?” Maya asks knowing she had class and probably a study session.
“Nothing exciting just class and studying, I did get invited to a party this weekend but I don’t know if I want to go.” Carina says.
“Why? Get out of your dorm and live a little, have some fun while you can.” Maya encourages, does she like her girlfriend going to a party with what most likely a bunch of guys? No, but she wants Carina to do more than stay in her dorm not having any fun.
Carina is a bit surprised by this reaction and it shows by the stunned look on her face. “Did I hear you right, you’re encouraging me to go to a party?”
“Yes you heard me right, you deserve to have some fun Carina not just sit inside, I trust you and know you won’t do anything. Go out and dance and maybe have a few drinks with your friends.” Maya shrugs knowing Carina wouldn’t do anything stupid, she was always the responsible one out of their group.
“Maybe, I’ll think about it. Going out to parties won’t be the same without the whole group.” Carina says a sad pout on her face that makes Maya smile.
“I kind of miss going out to parties and dancing, I don’t miss the hangover the next day but I miss letting loose and blowing off some steam.” Maya says, she realizes how she sounds, she is an adult and she misses partying but all she wants is to have fun.
“Go out with Andy and Travis I am sure they would love to go with you.” Carina says smiling seeing the cute sad face on Maya’s face.
“They both have adult jobs, plus I have asked them and they say no. I just go on extra-long runs in the mornings and work out at work.” Maya says shrugging her shoulders and sighs
Carina for her part doesn’t understand how one can work out so much, it seems like torture to her. Getting out of bed before eight thirty is extremely difficult for her. “I really don’t understand you, how does someone workout so much and still be able to do your job?”
“I don’t push myself too hard it makes my job easier though I can lift 250 Ibs because I have been working out consistently.” Maya says a smile on her face.
“I still don’t understand how you do it.” Carina says and then they are sitting in silence. They sit there staring at each other sad smiles on their faces.
“I miss you.” Maya says breaking the silence.
“I miss you too bella three months though until the semester ends and then I’ll be home and we get a whole month together.” Carina says a smile on her face thinking about seeing Maya makes her heart sing. It makes her giddy and she can’t wait until the holidays, she gets to go home and be with all of her favorite people.
“Oh trust me I am counting down the days until I get to see you again.” Maya says a smile on her face that Carina can’t help but mirror, she still can’t get used to the fact she gets to love Maya.
“It amazes me sometimes that to other people you come off as a hard ass but really you are all cute and adorable on the inside.” Carina says knowing the real Maya, knowing she isn’t as hard and uptight people think she is.
“I am not cute nor adorable, take it back.” Maya says crossing her arms over her chest and Carina breaks out into a fit of giggles.
“I think we both know I am always right so you are going to have accept it bambina, you are a huge romantic and all mushy on the inside. Don’t try to convince me I’m wrong.” Carina says chuckling at the small pout on Maya’s face.
“Whatever, I’m not adorable, I am a badass firefighter who takes no bullshit.” Maya says trying not to giggle herself.
“I never said you weren’t those things, but you are also cute and adorable.” Carina says tilting her head to the side observing girlfriend a smile radiating off her face.
Maya finally breaks looking away from the screen laughing before looking back to Carina. “I love you; you know that?” Maya asks.
“I do. I love you too bambina.” Carina says through a sigh feeling completely overwhelmed by the love she feels for Maya and the love she knows Maya has for her. She never thought she would be able to have this love, she witnessed what love wasn’t supposed to look like from her parents and she really didn’t think true love was out there. Then on that random June day when her family was moving in Maya ran by her house and her whole world changed. She gets to experience what true love feels like, even from a thousand miles away she can still feel Maya’s love.
“What time is it there?” Maya asks wondering how much longer she can talk to Carina.
“Seven, I’ll probably order in tonight the cafeteria food isn’t the best and I want pizza anyway.” Carina says going onto her computer to order a pizza for herself.
“Pizza does sound good, maybe I’ll order pizza tonight too. I was going to actually cook but pizza is always better.” Maya says smiling.
“So how much longer do I have you for? Don’t you have an eight am tomorrow?” Maya asks knowing that Carina packed her first semester with nonstop classes.
“I do have an eight am tomorrow, I am regretting my choice but I have actually been able to get up in time to go to breakfast the past week so that progress.” Carina says focusing her attention back to Maya.
“Didn’t you learn you lesson our freshman year? You absolutely despised getting up so early, I had to practically drag you out of bed.” Maya says laughing and shaking her head.
“I want to take as many classes as I can and this helps with that.” Carina says wanting to finish as early as she can, she would never tell Maya this but it’s partly because she misses her and home so much that she wants to get done as soon as possible.
“You’re going to burn yourself out if you aren’t careful, just take things at a pace that you’re comfortable with. You tend to put too much on your plate.” Maya says wanting her to stay healthy physically and mentally.
“I promise I won’t take on more than I can handle.” Carina says crossing her heart feeling happy Maya is looking out for her.
“I should probably let you go though, eat your dinner and then go to bed.” Maya says sad that she even has to say goodbye.
“No, don’t go. Order your pizza and we can eat together and hang out until I really need to go to bed.” Carina whines the first part not ready to say goodbye just yet.
Maya does as she says and orders her pizza and they eat together enjoying each other’s company happy they get to do this and see each other. Maya ends up on the couch with a glass of wine as Carina is in bed. They talk for a few hours just catching up and Carina telling her all the gossip going on in her friend group. Maya tells her all of the station gossip especially about Dean dating one of the girls he saved from a fire and Jack in this on again off again with someone he met from Joes.
They wouldn’t admit it but they both loved gossip and participating in it, and before Carina knew it she could barely keep her eyes open. Maya notices and stays on the phone until she is fast asleep. She smiles watching her for a few moments and sees how peaceful she looks and she’s reminded of how much she loves this woman.
She is glad that more than anything they are good again, they have a plan for how to get through these next four years. They have a plan so there’s not even a chance they won’t make it because their love is too strong.
Maya whispers good night before hanging up a smile on her face as she cleans up the apartment of the mess from the past few days that she hadn’t gotten around to before she got on the phone with Carina.
Maya goes to bed that night feeling calm and collected, they are going to be okay and that’s all that matters to her.