Work Text:
tw//implied sh, mention of blood and blades, not described or detailed
jongseong has been suspecting something was wrong with jungwon for a while now.
he knew his best friend.
his soulmate.
and he could definitely tell something was wrong, he was hiding something from him.
though he couldn’t quite tell what it was.
not until he had found the bloody razorblades in the trashcan jungwon was supposed to take out that night.
not until jungwon crawled into bed late that night, hoping he wouldn’t wake his roommate.
“jungwon-ah…”
“…i know what you’ve done.”
and god, for the first time in his life jungwon desperately WISHED for it to be him getting busted jerking off or something.
but by the seriousness in the other’s voice he clearly knew it wasn’t.
he clearly knew.
“h-hyung, what do you…mean?”, he stuttered out innocently.
“don’t play stupid, jungwon-ah. i might not get my full hours of sleep but i know what i’ve seen.”
jungwon felt the tears rush into his eyes.
he didn’t want to cry.
he couldn’t be weak now.
he should’ve thrown it out right away.
he shouldn’t have given in to his body.
but he was too tired.
he couldn’t move.
god, he shouldn’t have been so weak.
shouldn’t have been so careless.
shouldn’t have been so stupid, this was stupid.
i’m so fucking stupid.
“y-you…you’ve seen…”
he tried to defend himself, he really tried so hard.
but yet he couldn’t stop the tears from rushing, couldn’t unzip the knot in his throat, couldn’t hold back.
a silent tear ran down his cheek and he feels it drip off his chin.
it’s hard to breathe.
jongseong’s gaze softened, suddenly reaching out for the younger’s hands as he took them into his own, softly grasping around them.
“jungwon-ah, don’t cry. it’s okay, don’t cry.”
no words are wasted as the older pulled jungwon in, the younger breaking on an instant.
his head drops onto jongseong’s chest, not able to hold his tears anymore.
jongseong can feel jungwon’s body shaking, can feel the way his face is buried deep in his chest, crying so miserably.
his hand wanders up the younger’s back, stopping to hold the back of his head, gently caressing it.
jongseong couldn’t even recall the last time he’s seen jungwon cry.
jungwon doesn’t cry. at all.
he doesn’t talk about his problems either. and feeling the younger break down in his arms like this, it became clear to jongseong. jungwon must’ve been struggling for a sickening long time already.
there were so many questions jongseong needed answered.
so many things he wanted to know, so much he wanted to hear from jungwon now.
but he just couldn’t bring himself to ask.
couldn’t help but just hold the boy in his arms, letting him wet his shirt as his tears soaked into it.
comfort.
it was a bit later when they found themselves laying on the bed like that, jungwon’s head still on jongseong’s shoulder, the older’s arm still around jungwon’s body, tightly cuddled up to one another as one hand gently played with the younger’s hair.
“jungwon-ah.”
the younger doesn’t move nor respond, but jongseong knows he’s listening.
“you’ll tell hyung about it, will you?”
jongseong can feel jungwon’s breathing get heavier again, causing him to look down at the boy on his chest.
don’t cry again, jungwon-ah.
the older’s hand stops caressing the other’s head, only to wander down, gently grabbing his hand off his chest.
at first, he just holds the much smaller hand, as if he were to keep it safe between his.
“it doesn’t have to be now. it doesn’t have to be tomorrow either. i’ll wait for you.”
jongseong moves again, now intertwining their hands softly.
jungwon doesn’t stop him.
and this time, jungwon doesn’t stop his tears from falling either.
he just feels it rush down his cheek again.
but this time, it’s not aggressive.
it falls, falls like a drop in a calm waterfall, just losing itself on the way.
and this time, it doesn’t shake him.
instead, it puts an ever so slight smile on his face as he feels the warm embrace of the other, feels his hand clasp onto jongseong’s so tightly.
“hyung…”
jongseong doesn’t move nor respond, but jungwon knows he’s listening.
“don’t leave me, please.”
another tear drops off of his chin.
it’s just silent tears falling through his eyes, gently dropping down to create a calm pool on the other’s chest again.
“i…need you.”
jungwon’s voice breaks.
and it only makes jongseong want to pull him closer, hold him tighter, make sure he forever remembers the feeling of his embrace.
the feeling of his protection, the feeling of him.
i could never let go of you, jungwon-ah.
he doesn’t say it.
instead, his head moves down just a little, just enough to plant a gentle kiss on the younger’s head, who then turns up to look at him.
their eyes meet and jongseong could swear he’s looking into an angels eyes.
so clear, so pure, filled with sweet tears.
jungwon’s face is puffy, his cheeks are flushing in a warm red and he can see the wet line his tears had left on his cheeks.
he’s never seen an angel look this broken.
and as jongseong just lovingly returns the stare, nothing but love and adoration filling his very own eyes, jungwon buries his head in the older’s chest once again, tightening his grip on their hands.
it wasn’t weird jongseong held him like this.
it wasn’t weird he kissed him like this either.
christ, he felt like this could possibly be the only and first thing in jungwon’s miserable life that felt nice.
no, he was sure it was.
he was sure he didn’t want the other to ever untangle their hands anymore, to never let go of him anymore.
on that day, jungwon felt real comfort, for the first time in his life.
on that day, jongseong made a silent promise to take care of that boy, for the rest of his life.
and on that day, their love only started to bloom.