Chapter Text
Title: Come On, Daredevil
Summary: “We’re both the gay cousin at someone else’s wedding and I’m only here to piss off my homophobic family members (that disowned me when I came out) but you’re actually really cute and now you keep hitting on me AU”.
Warnings: homophobia (mostly slurs and insults), bad relationships with family members.
Word count: 2100 exactly
Author’s note: I don’t own Dan and Phil, blah dee blah, I had this idea when it was like 4am and I don’t even remember writing it down but I’m glad I did. EDIT: this turned out quite long so I’ve decided to split it up into two chapters and the second one will be posted as soon as possible!
Dan looked at himself in the mirror. He looked nice, actually. The suit, black and with a clean, white button-up shirt underneath it, fitted perfectly. He adjusted his fringe, made it fall slightly over his left eye, exactly the way his mother had always hated it. When he still lived at home, his hair used to be longer and it would happen more easily. He didn’t do it on purpose back then, but now he did.
He looked at the wristband on his bedside drawer. It was old, he’d gotten it at his first pride. That was three years ago. The colours weren’t faded or anything though, the band looked like it was brand new and the pink-purple-blue contrasted with Dan’s pale skin. That was because Dan never actually wore the damn thing. He didn’t like it, it wasn’t even beautiful or anything, he just got it as a souvenir. Dan sighed, looking like he was considering not putting it on, then wriggled his hand into the bracelet.
Anything to piss off his mother.
The wedding was fancy, Dan had to admit. The terrain was gigantic, there was a church, and a square, and a garden that had to take up more space than the outline of the flat Dan lived in.
He was only here for the bride. Lucy was his cousin, and she had called Dan personally to invite him to the wedding.
“Will my parents be there?”
“I’ll have to invite them, I-”
“No. I can’t, I’m sorry.”
“Dan, please? This is the most important day of my life, alright, and I would really, really appreciate it if you’d come. Maybe your mum and dad won’t be able to go, maybe they will, but who cares? It’s just your parents.”
Dan scoffed. “That’s funny, Luce. I don’t want to get anywhere near them. They cast me out, and I’m not coming back. Simple as that.”
“You haven’t seen them in three years, Dan! Can you please just get over this? You know, maybe they’ve changed. For all you know, they could be fighting for gay rights like they needed them themselves!”
Dan took a deep breath. “Firstly, I am not gay. Secondly, I am over it, and that’s the point. I closed that chapter a long time ago, and I’m not opening it all up again. I am done with that now. My parents were horrible people who treated me like I was an absolute piece of garbage, and to be quite honest, I’m perfectly content with never seeing those negative influences in my life ever again.”
“Pleaseee? For me, Dan, please? Because I’m your special Luce? I want you there, I really want you to be there because you’re very important to me and I’m getting married to the love of my life and I want to share that with you.”
Damn Lucy and her flattery, she knew that was Dan’s soft spot. He sighed, deeply.
“Fine.”
Lucy gasped in excitement. “Really?”
“Yes, I’ll go to your fucking wedding, but only for you. Because you’re my “special Luce”. Oh, and if you try and set me up with anyone, I’ll kill you before you can say your vows.”
Dan could hear Lucy yelling “he’s coming!” and something that sounded like a “brilliant!” on the other side of the line.
It was the voice of a woman that dragged Dan back to the real world. “Daniel James Howell, you are late to the party.”
“Geez Luce, sorry I didn’t have a fancy limousine to bring me here.”
Lucy grinned affectionately, and when Dan grinned back, she laughed. “You sarcastic little-”
She didn’t have to finish her sentence, because Dan had pulled her into a hug. When he let go of her, Lucy said that he looked lovely and Dan said that he really liked her dress, and then Lucy’s fiance came up to them and the rest was kind of a blur.
It was weird, seeing all these people again.
Dan rarely got to talk to the nice people in his family, as he never went to family days or gatherings to avoid meeting his parents. He had to admit, he’d missed Lucy, and he’d missed her younger sister, and maybe even William, who was the groom tonight.
William was a blonde, he liked planes and jokes about football, and he looked kind of out of place next to Lucy, who had pitch black hair and the dark skin colour of her father.
They worked perfectly together though, and clearly, they were in love.
Dan was happy for them, but also a little bit jealous. Though he’d never even dare to admit that to himself.
There was lunch, in which Dan chatted with his great-grand uncle, who was old but funny. After lunch, the whole group gradually started moving to the church, and Dan could’ve sworn he saw a glimpse of his brother, but it was probably his overactive imagination. He’d missed his brother, but there was no way of contacting him. Mum kept tabs on everybody Thomas spoke to, and she would definitely find out if he was talking to Dan.
The ceremony was beautiful and Dan nearly cried during the vows. He didn’t see anyone that even looked like his parents. The day was going great so far.
Of course, that couldn’t last for too long.
The party was amazing. There was a marquee that covered the entirety of the gigantic “backyard” of the church, and there were more people Dan could count.
The buffet was… a gift from the Lord, probably. Mashed potatoes and gravy, but also chicken, rice, pasta and ratatouille.
Of course, there were also drinks.
Lot’s and lots of drinks, and on Lucy the alcohol had already started to do its work. She could still walk and make conversation, yes, but apparently she’d also completely forgotten about her promise not to try and set Dan up with anyone.
“Dan, I’m telling you, you would love this one cousin of mine, he’s-”
“Luce, sorry to shatter all your dreams apart, but I am your cousin.”
William came back with drinks, but before he could hand them out, Dan heard a voice from behind him.
“Will, give me that. I need to get drunk. Right now.” it turned out to be a young man, probably older than Dan and a little taller. His black hair was pushed back in a quiff. His suit was what one would call peculiar, but it looked good on him. Dan labeled him Strange Guy.
Strange Guy grabbed a shot from William’s hand and drank all of it in one go. He wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his jacket. “Pardon my language, and no offense, but Lucy, your family is absolutely fucking horrific.” Dan laughed, and Strange Guy smiled.
“Hi.” said Dan, and he stuck out his hand. “My name’s Dan. Dan Howell.”
Strange Guy shook Dan’s hand and winked. “Nice to meet you, Dan Howell.”
William sighed. “Dan, I’d like to introduce you to my little brother. Watch out, because he eats boys like you for breakfast. His name’s Philip.”
Phil whined childlike. “Please don’t call me that. I’m Phil.”
A dance song started playing, and Lucy dragged her husband onto the dancefloor, yelling that this was their jam and they couldn’t possibly skip it. Dan and Phil were left behind with two unfinished drinks. Both of them didn’t really mind.
“Nice bracelet, by the way.” Phil winked at Dan. “Unfortunately, I’ve left mine at home.”
Dan laughed. “I considered not putting it on, but I’ll do anything for my mum.”
“She’s proud of you? Lucky bastard.”
“Proud? I wish, oh no, she fucking hates me. I’m the family shame.”
Phil let out a breathy laugh in amazement. “Ouch. How do you live with that?”
“I don’t. Haven’t spoken to her in three years.”
“Oh.” Phil smiled softly. “Good choice. I mean, it sucks, in a way. But still, it’s a healthy choice.”
They were silent for a minute, sipping their respective drinks, thinking their own thoughts. It was a comfortable silence, but Dan was still bugged by something.
“Who were you talking to earlier?” he asked. “The person that made you capable of drinking two beers in five minutes?”
Phil quickly finished his third drink. “You see that woman over there?” he pointed somewhere to the other side of the dancefloor, at the end of the buffet. “With the reddish hair and the disgusting green trousers? Her. She seemed okay, I introduced myself with a hello and ‘My name’s Phil’, we got chatting. She told me she was Lucy’s aunt or something, and asked if I was here with my girlfriend. ‘No miss,’ I said, ‘I’m gay and single.’ Well. She didn’t approve of that. All about how it was unnatural and oh, don’t even get her started on her son, the “dirty fag” that he was. It was horrible. She was horrible. Can I have another drink? Thanks.”
Dan finally laid eyes upon the woman Phil was talking about, realised who she was, and froze. His mind stopped working, his body physically tensed, he felt the urge to throw up.
Mum.
His mother, right there, in her horrific green trousers, wearing a matching blouse and equally disgusting cardigan. A silent whisper left his mouth. “Oh my god.”
“I know, right?” Phil said. “She’s craz- wait, are you okay? You look a little dazed or something.”
“That’s, um.” Dan’s voice was raspy. “That’s my mum.”
Phil’s eyes widened in shock. He gasped and put his hand over his mouth. “Oh my God. Oh my God, I’m sorry. I mean, she’s still horrible, but- I mean. Shit man.”
Weirdly enough, Dan felt the need to laugh. It started as a giggle, but when he noticed that Phil was biting his lips trying extremely hard not to chuckle, Dan couldn’t help but double up with laughter. This caused Phil to laugh as well, and before he knew it, Dan had tears streaming down his face.
“Oh my gosh, I can’t believe-” Phil’s sentence ended in hiccups. That was cute, but Dan didn’t let himself think about it for too long.
Dan took a deep breath, trying to calm down. “Okay, in… and out… breathe…”
Phil playfully poked Dan’s side. “I dare you to go talk to her.”
That was an incredibly bad idea, Dan thought. He shouldn’t, he really, really shouldn’t do that. Not now and not ever. He was better off at this party without a conversation with a woman that he used to call his mother.
Unfortunately, Dan’s had too much too drink, and there’s a cute a boy next to him. The alcohol wasn’t exactly giving him a hand. Clear judgement of the situation wasn’t happening. Clever Dan was long gone. “What do I get out of it?”
Phil thought for a while, biting his lip in concentration. Slowly, his mouth formed a smug smirk. “Oh, I know a great prize.”
Dan raised his eyebrows. “And what may that be?”
Phil lowered his head and whispered in Dan’s ear. “A kiss.”
Dan nearly choked on his spit. “What?!”
Phil stepped back and crossed his arms. “Not good enough? I mean, I suppose I could give you more, but you don’t seem like the fuck-at-first-date type.”
“I’m fucking speechless.” said Dan. “You are so full of yourself.”
“Oh my God. You’re really good at lying to yourself.”
Dan frowned. “I’m sorry?”
“You’ve been checking me out, since the moment you laid your eyes upon me.” Phil poked his finger in Dan’s chest. “Lucky you, because I don’t particularly mind.”
“Yeah. Well, uh. I-” Dan was kind of baffled. All things considered though, he didn’t feel like he wouldn’t want to kiss Phil. “Fine. But on my terms and conditions.”
Phil smiled. “Whatever you want.”
“One: I can say I did for a dare.”
Phil shrugged. “That would only make it more hilarious, that’s fine.”
“Two: I can say you dared me to do it.”
“Hmm. Okay. Anything else?”
“If she injures me you have to take me home.”
Phil laughed. “Brilliant! Mister, I think we have a deal.”
Dan shook Phil’s hand giggly. He turned around to find his mother. There she was, at the bar, drinking wine. Phil pushed Dan in the right direction. “Come on, daredevil.”
Dan playfully punched Phil’s arm. He then winked and walked over to his mother.
It was kind of scary, but the alcohol (and Phil) made him reckless. Dan could feel his heart beating in his throat, pulse elevated. Fear, excitement, it felt good to be alive again.
Six meters, five, four. Three meters, he could still walk away and pretend it never happened.
One meter.
He tapped on his mother’s shoulder. “Hello, Maria.”