Chapter Text
Ever since the beginning of time, mankind was driven to explore. Raised in today’s society, young children were encouraged to be curious, ask questions, and more importantly, try to seek answers. It was what became the driving force of the population, young teens, thirsty for knowledge who dedicated their entire lives to helping society progress.
And although this has never swayed you, Seungmin was from a young age convinced that he would be one to discover something new. That his name would be carved into history. That he was destined for greatness.
It wasn’t a surprise that Seungmin felt like that. From a young age, he wanted to be an astronaut. You could still remember, way back in preschool when he would run around the classroom, tiny hand clutching onto a toy spaceship and chanting how he wanted to visit space. See Earth from up above. Be one with the stars. It was always his biggest dream.
~
“Y/N! Wait up,” Seungmin called after you, making you stop in your tracks so he could catch up. He wore a bright smile, eyes crinkling in a certain way, that you knew meant excitement. This smile meant something good, right?
“Guess what,” he poked your side, walking with you down the hall. You clutched onto the straps of your backpack, pushing your hair from your face. “Surprise me.”
Seungmin kept his gaze locked onto you, cheerful expression morphing into an unreadable one, as he scanned your face. This was typical, whenever he had some big news, he would pull this I’m-so-serious look before bursting out in laughter and letting you in on the juicy stuff.
“I got in!” he cheered, showing you the rolled document he previously kept behind his back. From the corner of your eye, you could spot the bolded three letters.
CSA.
Children’s Space Association.
Aka. the organization that sent young and brilliant teens into space. You had to fight the frown that was desperately threatening to resurface. Seungmin was so excited, you remembered how his hands were shaking when he submitted the form. While you tried your best to be a good friend and show your support, it was getting harder by the second.
You never would have expected that he would pass the first round. The chances of him, specifically, being chosen out of the millions upon millions of applications seemed close to zero, but you weren’t so sure anymore.
Seungmin was brilliant, there was not a single doubt in your mind about that, but you still clung to the selfish desire, that maybe he wouldn’t go. That maybe he’d stay here. On Earth. With you.
Although you two had built a beautiful friendship after years of knowing each other, you knew he’d never choose you over space. If it meant that he could gaze at the Earth from up above, he would do absolutely anything.
“That’s great! So cool that you made it out of — how many — ten million applicants?”
“Twelve, actually,” he smiled cheekily, cheeks burning with pride.
And you were proud. So so proud of your best friend for making it so far, but truth to be told, it was as far as you’d like it to go. But when you saw the sparkles in his eyes, how they gleamed with joy, you couldn’t help but feel a little happy too. He wouldn’t be chosen for the actual trip, after all.
You wished you could go back and eat your own words.
~
The next week was when you heard about CSA again. You just finished your physics exam, head still pounding from all the formulas while Seungmin was happily skipping next to you, going over the answers and pretty much smothering your hope of getting anything better than 70%.
“You see, you had to divide it by four before multiplying,” he said, as a matter of factly, hand going through his hair which was stylishly parted in the middle. You’ve recently noticed this too, Seungmin started taking care of himself more, experimenting with his style and changing his hair every once in a while. Just a passing reminder of how your best friend was changing and how everything could change even more in the future.
“Damn it! I could’ve sworn I had it right this time,” you dejectedly muttered, making Seungmin slightly chuckle, but upon seeing how sad you were, he brought his hand around your shoulder, murmuring, “I can always help you, Y/N. Don’t hesitate to come to me if you don’t understand something.”
It was moments like these that made your heart flutter. When Seungmin would show his kind and caring nature, bringing back lots of fond memories. Although you couldn’t deny that he was changing, just like any normal person, part of you wished to keep things like that. Those simple times when all you had was each other.
When Seungmin wasn’t actively trying to get as far from Earth as possible.
Where Seungmin wouldn’t leave you behind, all alone.
“It’s fine. Wouldn’t want to bother you since you’re all busy now.”
You looked up at him, forcing a smile as you tried your best to enthusiastically ask, “so what are you gonna do now?”
“Oh, yeah,” he broke out into a grin, eyes lighting up like stars, “so after acceptance…”
~
You and Seungmin ended up walking to a nearby cafe, where he continued his detailed explanation of what the procedures now were.
“So now they’ll schedule an interview with each accepted person. Till then, we have to be on our best behavior, lead a healthy lifestyle and do well in school.”
“Wait. How many of you are there that they’ll interview you all?” you questioned, the numbers not adding up in your head.
“100 000 across the world,” he replied, sipping his iced mocha.
“That many?! And what, they’re gonna interview you all individually?” you asked, shocked at the news. No way they’d interview that many kids, right?
“Yep. They think that this way, they’ll have the biggest chance at spotting and selecting the handful of best candidates. You know, natural selection and stuff,” he laughed. His crinkling eyes made you smile, as you desperately tried to hide the dread that was steadily creeping up. Just the thought of your friend setting out to space made your head spin. Was this really his dream?
Did he really just want to leave you here?
It was a selfish way of thinking, you knew Seungmin wanted to see Earth from up above, explore, help move science ahead and go down in history. He desperately craved for his name to be written in books that children all over the world would read and learn from, to be a role model for those young and brilliant minds, not unlike himself. And it was a noble dream.
You felt horrible for wishing it wouldn’t come true.
He could change the world from down here, right?
He could become a top scientist and carve his name into history from your own town, right?
He could achieve all these amazing things while staying by your side, right?
~
“Which one do you think is better?” Seungmin held up two freshly ironed button-downs for you to help him decide. He emerged from the bathroom with only his slacks, making you cover your eyes and squeal in embarrassment. You could see the droplets of water cascade down his torso, likely from the shower he just took.
“What the hell, Min?! Put on a damn shirt, you minion,” you grumbled peeking from behind your hands to see if he dressed. He was still holding up the two hangers, a coy smirk playing on his lips as he watched your flustered form. Has he been working out? The lean muscle on his arms and abdomen surely indicated it.
“Since when are you working out?” questioned, surprise evident on your face. Seungmin smirked, turning to his closet and going through all his other dress shirts.
“I’ve been going to the gym more often, it’s required that we work out at least five times a week.”
“Wow, that’s just—”
“—just what?”
“Nothing,” you muttered, looking anywhere but at Seungmin as your cheeks heated up.
“So which one do you think is better? Please — I need to look my best today,” he pleaded with puppy dog eyes that he knew you could never resist. It was his secret tactic when he needed something from you, and it worked as always.
“The white one. You’ll look more classy,” you grumbled under your breath, nose scrunching up. Seungmin slipped on the white shirt, neatly tucking it into his black slacks as he reached for his dress shoes. “Tie or no tie?”
“No tie.”
“Thanks,” he smiled, reaching for your crumpled body that was splayed across his couch. “Let’s go,” he opened his hand, expecting you to grab it, but you looked at him dumbfounded. “We have to hurry, can’t be late.”
Your face heated up in embarrassment but you placed your palm in his, letting him pull you up to your feet as he dragged you towards the door.
~
“It’s okay, Seungmin. You’ll do fine, don’t worry,” you flashed him what you hoped was an encouraging smile, your palm going to the apple of his cheek, caressing it in a soothing manner. “Stay calm.”
“Easy for you to say,” he muttered under his breath, a ghost of a smile appearing, letting you know you did your job. “I know. But as your best friend, I’m obligated to inform you when you’re stressing out over nothing. You are brilliant, Seungmin. If they don’t see that, they’re stupid.”
He smiled at you, capturing your gaze with his gleaming orbs as he murmured, “thanks, Y/N. I really needed that.”
“Kim Seungmin,” a woman called from the interview room, making Seungmin promptly stand up, smoothing down his pants and running a hand through his parted hair. “You can do this!” you called from behind. He gave you a tight lipped smile before knocking on the wooden door and entering the room.
He felt surprisingly less nervous once he stepped in, the bright empty room with minimalist white furniture and a glass panel at the back with a gorgeous view of the city soothing his nerves. He felt at home, these were his people.
This was where he belonged.
A cough echoed in the void room, “hello, Seungmin. Have a seat, please,” a woman in her late thirties motioned to the empty chair across the table where she, along with three other people sat.
Seungmin scurried to sit down, the momentary amazement gone as he focused on the task ahead of him. Save for the woman who spoke, the rest of the people in the room were men of varying age, but all looking under forty.
The woman proceeded to scan what he assumed to be his file, nodding in approval during some parts, and reaching over to her colleagues during others, pointing to specific spots on the documents. It surprised Seungmin that they used paper, he would have expected that these people would have everything digitally, but it seems like a good old paper document would always emerge on top.
“So, Seungmin — tell us about yourself, when did you first start thinking about going to space,” she looked up at him, expression blank and emotionless. He took a deep breath, arranging in his head what he would say, before parting his lips to speak. “My name is Kim Seungmin. I am seventeen years old. I have been interested in space for as long as I remember. I have a knack for physics and chemistry and have been harbouring one for astrology, but that is more of a hobby. My biggest dream is to be part of the scientific progress mankind is no doubt going to make in the upcoming generation and to see the start from above.”
He breathed out in relief after finishing, a soft yet distant smile creeping up to his face. No doubt, he had poured all of his passion into the short speech, and while he couldn’t see it, he had definitely moved the rest of the people in the room. The almost childlike innocence he displayed, along with the passionate words made them believe that he was one of the people they were looking for. Paired with his spectacular academic achievements, having him on board would translate to amazing things.
But they couldn’t tell him now. For the time being, they had to keep it secret and let him know when the time came. With a bow, Seungmin excused himself, his eyes twinkling at what the future would hold for him.
~
A few weeks later, you were once again seated on Seungmin’s bed, drowning in one of his oversized hoodies and scrolling through your phone. Seungmin was lying next to you, laptop perched on his lap as he anxiously awaited the email that would no doubt change the entire course of his life. There were only two ways this could go. Either he passed the interview and was chosen for the two year trip to Mars, or not. There was no in between. Although the chances of being selected were very slim, he had this gut feeling, so he tried his best to not doubt himself.
Ding.
“Oh my gosh,” he held his breath, “it’s an email from CSA.” Your eyes widened in surprise, immediately putting your phone down and lunging towards your friend. Your arms wrapped around him from behind, head perched on his shoulder as you stared at the screen.
Seungmin scrolled through the email, the first few paragraphs being basically nonsense about the CSA, their history, and how they, along with the few selected children, were the future of science. There it was. The last paragraph that would either accept him or decline him. The both of you held in a breath as you skimmed the text.
“And we truly believe that you, Kim Seungmin, are one of us and would make a great addition to the team,” he read out loud, his pitch rising higher as his lips stilled, parted in shock along with his blown out eyes. Was he reading this correctly? Did they just say that he was selected for the program? 21 months in space, out of which at least six months would be spent on Mars.
“I—”
Seungmin had no words to express his joy, if it wasn’t for the laptop on his lap, he would be jumping with joy already. “I can’t believe it — Y/N — I-I made it-!” he turned around to face you, but to his surprise, you weren’t as happy as he was. You looked rather sad, a few isolated tears sliding down your cheeks.
“Y/N?” he asked quietly, palm reaching for the apple of your cheek, wiping the tears away with his thumb. His other hand went to your thigh, caressing it softly as he tried to coax you to talk. “What is it, Y/N. Why are you crying?”
“It’s just-” hiccup, “I’m so proud of you, Min. And I’m really happy for you too. It’s just—”
His hand went from your cheek to the back of your head, pressing you into his chest and holding you tightly as you sobbed. “—it’s okay. Don’t worry, everything will be fine.”
After you finally calmed down, the embarrassment settled in your bones and you shyly looked away. “Don’t go all shy on me now, Y/N,” Seungmin chuckled prompting you to laugh too. You looked back at him, cheeks wet and eyes glazed, but full of adoration. “I’m proud of you, Kim Seungmin. I know you will do amazing things in space.”
“Thanks…but tell me, please — why did you start crying? I mean - it’s not like I’ll be gone forever, you know,” he blurted out, looking away. It was your turn to chuckle at his shyness. Putting your hair behind your ear, you looked into your lap before replying, “I’m afraid of losing you, I guess. I mean, it has always been the two of us. Together. But now, you’ll go to space, and I guess I’m just scared of being alone. Of staying behind while you chase after your dream. I’m afraid that in the midst of all of this,” your hands gesticulated towards the still open email on his screen, “you’ll forget me.”
Seungmin’s eyes bore into yours. You could see emotions swirling inside of them. Shock. Hurt. Sadness. All of that together. He was absolutely astonished, that you even for a second thought that he would forget you. His best friend.
“Y/N,” he murmured, “I-, I mean…I have no words. It’s just — how could you think I’d ever forget you.” He had genuine tears in his eyes when he uttered that, and you felt your heart shatter. “I’m sorry, Min. I didn’t mean to hurt you, of course I don’t believe that…it’s just—”
He looked up at you, his eyes boring into yours as he awaited your answer. “— space changes people, doesn’t it? I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t have time to even think about anything. You’ll be busy gazing at the stars from up above, just like you always wanted to.”
He seemed to think for a second, brows furrowing before they eased back, a small smile forming at his lips, making your heart melt. “I know. Going to space was always my biggest dream, but you, Y/N, always stood by me. And to think that you are afraid of me forgetting you — don’t be. I’ll never forget you. Even if I’m one with the stars, I will never forget you, for you are the brightest, shiniest star in my life. I mean it.”
The tears started to flow again, dripping your cheeks when Seungmin brought his hands to your waist, pulling you close to him. Your arms curled at his hips, gripping tightly onto his sweatshirt as you tried to calm your beating heart and stop the sobs coming out of your mouth. After a few minutes, you let go of Seungmin, looking up at him and wiping off your tears.
“Sorry, Min. I know this is a big thing for you and I shouldn’t be crying…I’m just a bit, uh, emotional at the moment. Go on, tell me everything.”
With a smile, Seungmin launched into a detailed explanation of the trip. It would last almost two years, give or take, he would be going alongside five more children who were selected through the same rigorous process like he was. They would begin group training in a week, till then, the pre-set rules were still in effect.
“Let me get this straight,” you murmured, the sorrow filter of your lenses having finally rubbed off, “the trip itself takes around seven months each way?” the volume of your tone rising as you did the calculations in your head.
Seungmin playfully quips, “yeah, we’ll be on Mars for only like six or seven months.”
“Wow, I mean…that’s a long ass time.” Seungmin chortles at that, almost falling off the bed. “A long ass time indeed.”
~
Seungmin disliked gyms. Not that he was in a particularly bad shape, quite the opposite, but there was just something about working out with sweaty and dirty equipment that rubbed him in the wrong way. “Not a fan of this, ey?” a melodic voice chuckled from behind, morphing into a well built body. “Not really.”
“I’m Chan, by the way,” the boy introduced himself with a grin, hand going through the mop of curls that sat on his head. “Seungmin, a pleasure to meet you.”
Chan seemed like a decent guy, his charisma and soft-spoken personality immediately making him very likable. It was nice to know that someone one the program was chill. He even led Seungmin to one of the more hidden corners of the gym where all the appliances weren’t coated in a layer of sweat.
After that, the both of them worked out together for another hour, Chan helping Seungmin out with some things, like showing him the best circuit workouts and guiding him when he didn’t know which exercises were done on which machines. Additionally, they both also agreed to have lunch together.
“Ugh, damn. This is soo good-!” Chan groaned, shoving another spoonful of the ramen into his mouth. Seungmin merely chuckled at his antics, downing some of the soup himself. When he emptied the bowl, he wiped off his mouth with a napkin, awkwardness seeping in.
“Tell me, Seungmin — why were you chosen for the trip?” Chan suddenly asked, breaking the silence with a pretty obvious question as he looked at the boy. “Um…well - I’ve always been into space and science, since before I could walk, actually. So I guess that’s that.”
“Wow. You must be pretty damn smart then,” Chan smiled impressed, scanning the boy from head to toe as to confirm his thoughts. “Well, aren’t we all?” he laughed nervously.
“Not necessarily. You see — I was chosen primarily for my leadership qualities, the mission needs someone to lead you guys. Of course, there will be actually experienced astronauts but it wouldn’t work without there being a leader around the same age as you guys.”
Well, that was news. But Seungmin could definitely see where Chan was coming from. It did make sense for there to be someone in their age category. Someone the other kids could look up to, listen to, and ask for advice when needed. It’s way more intimidating asking for advice from someone who’s decades older than you, rather than a friend your age.
“I see. You do seem like the leader type,” Seungmin murmured under his breath, not realizing that Chan would hear him. The older boy only laughed in response, finding his tendencies positively endearing. He could already sense he was the quiet smart type, the one who always analyzes, sometimes overanalyzes possible situations. He was definitely a top student at his school, he practically radiated class president energy.
It made Chan wonder, why was he doing this? The kid was definitely passionate about science, probably wanted to become an astronaut since being a toddler, but why? He seemed like he was from a good family, had friends, and most importantly, had a future here on Earth.
While Chan had nothing to lose, Seungmin, on the other hand, had everything to lose.
It felt wrong to try to talk him out of it, but Chan felt like he was committing a mistake. He was still much too young for this trip, it would eat away two entire years of his youth. The best years too.
Chan understood the pain of wanting to leave everything behind. He really did. Because he himself had nothing. Nothing other than his so-called leadership skills everyone loved to praise. But really, what would it do for him in the real world? He wanted this.
He wanted out. To leave everything behind. But he didn’t think Seungmin was ready for this.
He also talked a lot about his friend, from what he heard, she meant a lot to him and he held her close to his heart.
And yet another reason he shouldn’t go.
Seungmin must have noticed Chan was spacing out. He repeatedly waved his hand in front of the older boy’s head, hoping to catch his attention. “Uh- Chan, Chan!”
The boy momentarily snapped out of it, looking at Seungmin with wide eyes like a deer caught in headlights. “Y-yeah?”
“Yeah?” Seungmin asked in disbelief, “are you okay, Chan? You’ve been spacing out for a minute now.” Chan let out an embarrassing sound, akin to a mixture of a cough and a choke. After taking a few sips from his water bottle, he finally looked back at Seungmin, hesitance evident in his face.
“It’s just — I know this will sound kind of stupid…and I don’t mean to judge you or question your motives — but I really wonder; why are you going?” Seungmin looked shocked, eyes widening to the size of dinner plates as he wondered if he heard right. Why did he want to go? To see the stars, of course. It has always been his dream, right?
“I’m sorry if that sounded harsh,” Chan chuckled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s just that…people who do this usually seem to have nothing to lose. You on the other hand — I don’t know — I guess I’m maybe jealous or something, but you have everything to lose, you know? If I were you, I would do everything to stay.”
Seungmin had no words. His gaze dropped down to his lap, as he stubbornly continued to look down, trying to think of an adequate answer. But to no avail. Many emotions were swirling through his head. Should he stay? What did Chan mean by that — he seems like he has everything to lose.
Sure, he has a good life. Supportive parents, an amazing friend, not to mention a career that would be lined up for him right as he graduates. He had the whole world in his hand. Yet he still wanted to leave.
See Earth from up above.
Gaze at the Sun.
Be one with the stars.
The stars always pulled him in, like an inexplicable force that didn’t want to let go.
Seungmin peered at Chan from below his lashes, heart thumping as what he was going to say was something he had come to realize recently. “I have everything to lose. I know that. But seeing the stars has been my biggest wish since before I could even walk. It’s something I dream about every night. It has become part of me. I know I should stay, but there’s no way I can do this now. I want to explore, see space, and only then, can I come to terms with my life here on Earth. Then I’ll be able to enjoy a normal, mundane life, along with all the people I love. Space changes people, and I want it to change me too.”
~
The day has come. Only a few hours till the spaceship where Seungmin, along with five other children and half a dozen of experienced astronauts, doctors and scientists will be seated, would launch for the sky. Only a few hours left on Earth.
Luckily, they allowed the young astronauts to have their last goodbyes with their friends and family as the rocket was prepared for launch. Seungmin’s parents have already bid their son goodbye, his mother with a tight hug and his father with a pat on the back. “We’re proud of you son. We’ll be anticipating your return.”
And now it was only you and him, well, apart from all the other kids and their loved ones. Seungmin was seated on the leather armchair in the lounge room, with you straddling his waist, arms tightly wrapped around his torso. You had originally planned to confess to him today, spill your deepest feelings, and let him know how you felt about him, that you loved him. But you couldn’t. Seeing the nervous yet excited smile play on his lips, the expectation glimmer in his eyes…it was a big day for him and you shouldn’t ruin it with your half assed confession.
“I’m gonna miss you, Min,” you whispered into his chest as he held you close enough, that you could feel his breath on your neck. “I’m gonna miss you too. But don’t worry, I’ll come back soon enough, you won’t even realize I was gone, dork.”
You let a small breath escape your pursed lips, looking him dead in the eye, “I will, once you aren’t there to help me with Mrs. Park’s assignments.”
Seungmin bursts out laughing, you could feel his chest vibrating against yours as you softly smiled, hiding the tears that were threatening to fall. “Once I get back, I promise to get you that five scoop sundae you really wanted.”
Your eyes widened in surprise, “really?” Seungmin detested sundaes, claiming they were too unhealthy for a single person to eat. He preferred to get a single scoop himself. “But you’ll share it with me, right?” you asked with wide, innocent eyes.
“Of course. We can share it,” he chuckled.
“Up kids! It’s time to go!” a man in his mid thirties emerged from the room, encouraging relatives and friends to let go of their children in favor of them getting on the spaceship.
“Seungmin,” you whispered as you were parting from the boy, “don’t forget me while you’re up there. I’ll be waiting for you to come back.”
What you said was true. You’d be waiting here for Seungmin, as he chased his dream, as he did what his heart longed for him to do, anticipating his return. When he’d be back, you’d welcome him with open arms. Maybe then, you could finally confess your love for him. That you’ve been in love with him for years now. For as much as he wanted to chase the stars, he was your star, and you weren’t planning on giving him up.
You guys shared eye contact the entire time as Seungmin was dragged out of the room. Along with all the other children, they would be now dressed into their respective suits and seated in the ship.
Chan witnessed the whole exchange between you two with a heavy heart. Such fools. You were both madly in love with each other, that much was obvious, yet you chose to distance yourselves from each other like this. Well, at least it looked like you’d be waiting for him, Seungmin also didn’t look like he’d be forgetting you anytime soon.
~
Your eyes were glued to the massive screen that displayed the launching spaceship. You were on the main square, a few miles away from the actual launchpad. With a heavy turn, you looked around, scanning the crowd. This was a big event, no wonder half the city has gathered here to watch a historic launch to space. For the first time, mankind would be attempting to send people to Mars, children actually.
It was a bittersweet sight, although undeniably proud and happy for Seungmin, you still felt this sort of unease in your gut. You tried to suppress the feeling, reminding yourself that there was nothing to be worried about. Seungmin’s dream was about to be fulfilled, that was enough of a reason to celebrate in your books.
Your stare at the screen intensifies as the countdown began. Here it was.
10
Your best friend was leaving for space
9
And it has only begun to sink in now
8
He was actually leaving
7
And everyone would remember his name
6
He’d be gone for almost two years
5
That’s a pretty long time
4
But he was chasing his dream
3
He’d finally get to be one with the stars
2
Just like he always wanted to
1
~
Oh no. something was wrong, that much was obvious.
It started out slowly, the spaceship not launching at “one”. But that was just the beginning. Nothing could prepare you for the horror that was just about to unfold. Screams. You heard people yelling, panicking. At first, you didn’t know why, but it soon became very obvious.
The smoke. Oh my gosh, the smoke! It was everywhere, followed by a series of small explosions. Your blood ran cold. You could hear every “pop” and “boom” that occurred, as the people on the square started to panic. Something was not right.
It didn’t take long for the whole spaceship to go on fire. Red and orange flames licked at the metal construction, as you watched with teary eyes. There was nothing you could do.
“NOOOO!” you screamed, falling to your knees. This could not be happening. This could absolutely not be happening. Seungmin was still in there! Someone has to save him…
Your hand extended towards the screen where the spaceship was currently on fire, many firefighters were trying to battle the flames but to no avail. You clutched the sleeves of your hoodie - Seungmin’s hoodie actually, as more sobs wracked your throat. Someone must have noticed your distress as they started calling you.
“Miss. Miss! Are you okay?”
But you paid them no mind, nails digging into your palms, “Seungmin! Y-You promised me —!” hiccup, “— you p-romised me you’d come b-back!”
The paramedics on the side must have realized your situation, as they gently ushered you to the side where the ambulance was. “Miss, come with us, please, you are currently experiencing a lot of pain. We’ll give you something to soothe your nerves.”
And you complied, slowly standing up, legs suddenly feeling like jello. You almost toppled over, had it not been for the lady next to you who had managed to wrap a hand around your waist to steady you. And just like that, they gave you some pills that would put you to sleep so that they could peacefully transfer you to the hospital. As your eyes were slowly shutting, a realization far more horrible than anything you were experiencing dawned upon you. A sorrowful whisper came out of your lips, “y-you never got to see the stars from up above.”
Then you blacked out.
~
A week has passed. They had kept you in the hospital the entire time and although the doctors and nurses tried their best to shield you from it, it was everywhere on the news.
“The head of the CSA humbly apologies for the technical mistake that led to the explosion on Friday afternoon, taking the lives of six children and eight adults, including two staffers that tried to stop the fire—”
You turned the TV off, not baring to look at the old geezer on the news. It was him. He was the one responsible for the death of your beloved friend. He was the one that ruined everything. You gritted your teeth as your palms dug into your hands, drawing blood. You would have spent the next hour glaring at the blank screen and plotting revenge if it wasn’t for the nurse who came in knocking.
“Hello, Y/N,” she whispered cautiously, spotting the tears staining your cheeks and the dark circles around your eyes. She carefully circled around your bed, reaching the spot where you were currently sitting, and handing you a letter. “I was told to give you this.”
With that, she paced out the room, leaving you all alone. Twirling the paper envelope, you curiously glanced at the sender. Your eyes stopped at the sight of the familiar neat cursive handwriting.
No. It couldn’t be.
But it was there. Black on white. From Kim Seungmin. To Y/N L/N.
Your eyes watered and this time, you let the tears flow freely, clutching onto the envelope as you tore it open. Inside was a neatly folded piece of paper with black ink seeping through.
Dear Y/N,
I am not entirely sure how to write this letter, but I could not leave Earth without telling you this; thank you. I cannot stress enough how grateful I am for having you in my life. You were there for me through my ups and downs, highs and lows and you’re the sole person that always believed in me. You are my everything.
This may sound a bit counterproductive, but I had to go. I really had to. For myself, I could finally figure out who I am, what I want to do, and how I want to live once I return. It is bittersweet, but I feel like it had to be done.
But the more important reason I decided to go was you. I am admittedly the victim of the most cliché trope to exist. Falling for my best friend. But I don’t regret any of it, for you are my shining star, Y/N. I have to go tomorrow, to see the stars, to learn how to deal with their magnificent presence so that hopefully, once I return, I can finally confess to you properly and bask in your light.
I chose to do this so that you can be proud of me once I return. I want to be someone you are very proud of. Someone who has done many things, achieved many dreams, and was a part of something amazing.
So that’s why I decided to leave, even if it meant not seeing the person who matters to me the most for two years. But fear not! Once I get back, we’ll get to do all these amazing things together, yeah?
Please anticipate my return, as I will return as a new and improved Seungmin. Just for you.
All my love,
Seungmin (or your dorky minion if you prefer that!)
You felt tears well up in your eyes, the fact that Seungmin liked you too would make you jump in joy during any other occasion but this. You could almost picture him carefully writing this letter out, a soft smile present on his lips the entire time as he arranged for it to be sent to you, and although it provided a little comfort, it hasn’t managed to fill the void in your heart. On the contrary, you felt even more empty. Like a shell of your former self.
How could this have happened, or more likely, why?
This wasn’t fair. Seungmin never deserved to die like this. He ended up giving his life for a stupid mistake on the organization’s side. His whole life was just ahead of him.
Resent, along with grief, pity, and sadness started to well up in your chest. You couldn’t stand it, never have you regretted anything more in your life than the fact that you didn’t talk him out of this.
Maybe if you were more vocal about it, he’d be still here, with you.