Chapter Text
Bruno sat at the end of the lunch table, by himself. It was too far into the school year for him to still be upset that his only two friends had ended up with different lunch periods, so he tried not to think about it. Bruno tried not to think about a lot of things, but unfortunately when you try not to think about something, you just think about how much you don’t want to think about it, which is basically the same as thinking about it.
Which is why he was reading. You can’t worry about your own problems when you’re engrossed in someone else’s, right? Nakia had gifted the book to him a few weeks prior. Nakia was the type of person to gift things just because it made her think of you, regardless of if there was a reason to be exchanging gifts. She said, “The main character reminds me of you.” when she handed it to him. The main character reminded Bruno of himself too, but in all the wrong ways. He hoped that Nakia didn’t see the character’s insecurities and automatically think of Bruno. She probably just saw someone that was way too into tech and was bad at talking to people he wasn’t friends with and thought of him, he reassured himself. Even though he felt like all his insecurities were on full display, he was deeply uncomfortable with the idea of anyone else acknowledging they existed. Even Nakia.
Bruno flipped the page, completely absorbed in the main character’s banter with who he assumed to be his love interest, when he noticed out the corner of his eye someone tall walking up to him. He turned slightly and glanced over the top of the page. It was Kamran. Kamala’s new favorite subject of conversation. Bruno sighed.
“H-hey.” Kamran waved his hand awkwardly.
“Hi.” Bruno said, back to reading.
Kamran stood there for a second before sitting in the seat next to him, his knees too close to Bruno’s.
Bruno glanced up at him and then back down to his book. If he wanted something from him, he was going to have to speak up.
Kamran hesitated, lifting his hand up, before he grabbed the top of Bruno’s book and pushed it down, leaving Bruno’s face unblocked. “Hi, Bruno.” he smiled.
“I thought we already said our hellos.” Nakia thought that Bruno was too rude to people. He didn’t usually try to be rude, he usually just wanted the conversation to end.
“Yeah, uh. Sorry.” He glanced down at his hands. Kamran had a black ring on his thumb, the kind that spins, and he was shifting it back and forth. Kamran took a deep breath and straightened his posture. “Bruno, do y-” Someone dropped their lunch tray a few feet away, startling both boys. Kamran turned back to Bruno and blurted out, “Do you want to go on a date with me?”
Kamran’s face softened, searching in Bruno’s eyes. Bruno was all too familiar with this kind of trick. A popular kid asks out the weirdo as a joke. It happened at least ten different times in middle school, and it even happened once the year prior. Yeah, Bruno wasn’t stupid. He wasn’t going to fall for it again. He looked around the cafeteria for whoever Kamran’s friends were. In all honesty, he had no idea who Kamran hung out with, besides Kamala, but he spotted Zoe and her friends. They were all taking turns glancing over in their direction and then giggling to each other.
When someone asks you out as a joke, you obviously don’t say yes, but you also don’t want to make a big deal out of saying no. The person doing this just wants a reaction that they can laugh about, so you have to keep your reaction to a minimum. Don’t think about how upsetting this is, and don’t think about how rightfully they need to be told off for being a dickhead.
“No.” He said simply. Bruno turned back to the table and back to his book.
Kamran sat next to him for a good minute. From the corner of his eye, he thought he saw him trying and failing to form words, but he wasn’t sure.
“You don’t have to keep sitting there.” Bruno said, sick of the awkwardness between them.
“Right. Yeah. Sorry.” He scrambled to stand up, walking quickly back to wherever he was sitting before.
The one perk of 6th period lunch was that he only had to endure one more class before he could go home and be alone. Only one more class until he could cry in peace.
“He said no?” Kamala said, shocked. “I could’ve sworn he had a crush on you.”
“I never should’ve believed you. Nothing you said sounded to me like he had a crush on me, and then he just rejected me.” Kamran was incredibly frustrated.
“No no no no no, Bruno doesn’t show that he’s crushing the same way that other people do. I swear how he acts about you is the same way he’s always acted when he’s had a crush.”
“You must’ve gotten it wrong this time. I think he really does hate me.” Kamran buried his head in his hands.
Kamala sat at the edge of her bed, deep in thought. Kamran looked up so he could see her. She looked like she was working through a math problem in her head. “Can you tell me what happened again?”
He groaned, “And relive my pain? Why are you so cruel?” He wasn’t sure if he was joking or not.
“No, I didn’t mean it like that, I just-” She turned to face him more, “I think I know what happened, I just want to make sure.”
Kamran pressed his lips together. “Fine.” He said, reluctantly. “I walked up to Bruno and he was reading a book. When he noticed me he turned and looked at me. We said hi. I sat next to him and he went back to reading so I said hi again. Then I asked him if he wanted to go on a date with me, and he avoided eye contact for a while and then said no and went back to reading.”
Kamala jumped up, “Are you sure he was avoiding eye contact?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Was he looking down, or was he looking around the cafeteria?”
“Around the cafeteria, I think?”
“A ha! He wasn’t avoiding eye contact, he was looking for people laughing!” Kamala realized what she was saying and dropped the enthusiasm, “He thought you were asking him out as like a joke or dare or something.”
“Why would he think that?” He didn’t even try to hide his disbelief.
“Because it used to happen a lot to him.” She said to herself, “Actually, I don’t think anyone’s asked him out and actually meant it before.”
“That’s awful! Why would anyone do that?”
Without thinking, Kamala started, “Probably because he’s-” Probably because he’s trans and people are assholes, she was about to say. But that wasn’t for her to tell. “Probably because when we were younger he would always have these big reactions to things like that, and they thought those reactions were funny.”
“That’s so horrible.” He thought for a moment. “Someone dropped their lunch tray before I got the words out. He probably saw someone who was laughing at that person and thought they were laughing at him.”
Kamala nodded.
The duo sat in uncomfortable silence. Bruno didn’t deserve those kids being awful to him. Kamran wanted to make Bruno feel like he was wanted, because Kamran did want him so much. But he didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable. He knew what no meant, and he knew that when someone says no, you shouldn’t ask them again. But how did misunderstanding factor into that?
As if reading his thoughts, Kamala said, “On the bright side, I think you have a second chance. You just have to explain that you were genuinely asking him out.”
“Right. How do I do that?”
Kamala squinted her eyes at him, “You tell him you actually have feelings for him and actually want to go on a date with him?”
Kamran’s face felt warm. “No, I know that. I meant, like, I probably shouldn’t do that in the cafeteria again, right? And probably not anywhere else at school. I don’t have his number and even if I did, I want to say this to his face.”
“If you texted him, he would still think it was a joke.” Interjected Kamala. When she saw Kamran’s quizzical look, she explained, “One of the times he was asked out over text and when he said yes, that person screenshotted it and posted it on their Snapchat story for all their friends to laugh at.”
Kamran’s stomach dropped. “Do they ever leave him alone?”
“Recently, yeah, but it was pretty brutal in eighth grade.”
“So definitely not texting him.”
“You could go to the Circle Q.” Kamala suggested.
“Why would I do that?”
“Because he works there. And his apartment is above it.”
Kamran walked up the stairs, following Bruno’s nonna.
“I believe he’s in the shower but he should be out in a little bit. It’s always nice to see my Bruno making new friends. I love Nakia and Kamala, but they’re not the only people out there.” She chuckled to herself as she unlocked the front door.
Kamran entered and Bruno’s nonna turned to go back downstairs to the Circle Q. He closed the door softly. He heard the shower running and suddenly he regretted coming here. Why had he agreed to come upstairs? Now he was just in Bruno’s apartment while he showered and he didn’t even know about it. He didn’t know if it would be better to call out to Bruno now or to wait for him to come out of the shower.
Kamran blushed. He should definitely let Bruno know he was here now. “Hello?”
“Ah!” He heard Bruno yell, and it sounded like he dropped something on the floor “Shit.” Bruno said more softly.
“S-sorry to scare you. It’s, uh. It’s Kamran. Your nonna let me in. So sorry for showing up unannounced, I just wanted to talk to you about earlier. I think there’s been a mis-”
“Do you mind if we have this conversation when I’m not naked?” Bruno interrupted.
Kamran blushed hard, very glad that Bruno couldn’t see him right now. “Right, sorry. I’m sorry, I should just leave.”
“It’s fine. If you had something important enough to say that you came to my home then you can just wait a few minutes until I get out.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes I’m sure.” A pause, “How do you know where I live anyway?”
“Kamala told me! She’s the one who suggested I come here!” He replied quickly.
After a few minutes, Bruno turned off the shower. “Do you mind going into the kitchen? And closing the door?” Bruno’s apartment was pretty small. The front door opened to an open kitchen/living room, and his nonna’s room was next to it. Then there was a small hallway which led to the bathroom and Bruno’s room, which Kamran was currently standing in.
He blushed again, “Yeah, of course.” He closed the door to the hallway loudly so Bruno could hear it, and he sat awkwardly on the couch.
Bruno left the bathroom and entered his bedroom as quickly as he could, locking his door behind him. What could Kamran want to talk to him about? Why had his nonna let him in? He felt like his brain was buzzing.
He grabbed some clothes to put on before realizing that he should probably put his binder on. He groaned to himself. He took the one he’d been wearing that day out of his laundry basket and prepared himself for the struggle of putting on a binder while his skin was still damp. If he were to compile a list of top ten most painful things, this would probably be on it. The binder always got stuck at the top of his chest, his damp skin making it stick more. It hurt and it was dysphoric and he had to strain himself to reach to his back to pull that side down first.
He adjusted himself and pulled on the rest of his clothes and went to meet Kamran.
Kamran was sitting on the edge of the couch, but stood up when he saw Bruno enter. “Hey. Bruno.”
“Yup. That’s me.” He tugged at his shirt collar to make sure the straps of his binder were hidden.
He stepped closer to him, “I’m so sorry about earlier. I didn’t know that people would ask out someone as a joke and I definitely didn’t know that people did that to you, and I didn’t mean to make you think that that’s what I was doing.”
He plunged his hands into his pants pockets. “Did Kamala tell you about that stuff?” He wondered what else Kamala had told him. He trusted her but she had a habit of saying whatever she was thinking.
“Yeah. She also told me to come here and clear things up.”
“But it’s still not clear?” Bruno looked at him confused. So it wasn’t a joke. Sure. But what else could it be? Because someone as beautiful as Kamran didn’t want to be with someone like Bruno. That just wasn’t how these things work.
Kamran bit his lip. “I asked you out because I want to take you on a date. Not for any other reason."
“Not because you feel bad for me? Let me guess, originally it was a joke, but then Kamala found out and told you off for being so awful to me, especially because this just keeps happening, but you really care about what Kamala thinks of you so you pretended you were actually interested, and now you’re here partly because you’re trapped in a lie and partly because I’m so pathetic and you’re so kind for showing me some sympathy.” Bruno felt himself tearing up. He couldn’t cry in front of Kamran. He just couldn’t.
Kamran looked shocked. He didn’t say anything. Bruno wanted Kamran to tell him he was wrong so badly, but he didn’t say anything.
“Can I hug you? Please?” Kamran said finally.
Bruno moved before he could think, melting into Kamran’s arms, burying his head into his neck. One hand was on his back, pulling him close, the other was in his hair at the nape of his neck, rubbing gently.
Kamran started talking softly, “I think it’s awful that those people bullied you like that, but I don’t think you’re pathetic. I was always intending to genuinely ask you out and I still am. I want to go on a date with you because I like you so much and I’m hoping that you like me. I like you because you’re smart, and you’re funny, and talking to you makes me feel all warm inside, and I blush when I think about you, and I'd be lying if I said you aren’t the most handsome person I’ve ever met.”
Bruno tightened his arms around him. “Clearly you haven’t seen yourself.” He muttered, smiling into Kamran.
He laughed, “I see myself all the time. I’d much rather be looking at you.”
“Are you sure that you like me?”
“I’m more than sure.”
“Then I think I will go on that date with you.”
Kamran grinned from ear to ear and held Bruno closer.