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“Could you give me some time alone?” He heard Porsche ask.
Kinn turned his head and nodded, gentle smile on his lips.
“As much as you need.” He said, giving his boyfriend’s hand one more squeeze before leaving.
When Kinn was far enough from Porsche for the other to be comfortable, he turned around to look at him. The younger man was standing in front of his parents’ grave, speaking so loudly with his body that Kinn didn’t need to hear what he was talking about to understand. Porsche was shifting from foot to foot, constantly gesturing, shoulders moving up and down, head leaning forward. He was probably telling some funny story, even though he did look more tense than usual. Kinn felt a woolen blanket of warmth spreading through his chest. Knowing that Porsche, the man he loved most in the world, let him see the part of his life meant to be kept hidden for everyone else made the said blanket weight on Kinn, it was almost suffocating. Everything about Porsche was suffocating yet he was the only source of fresh air in Kinn’s dirty and dusty world.
He decided to take a short stroll to give his boyfriend much-needed privacy. The cemetery was large, the biggest in Bangkok, and, unfortunately, Porsche’s parents were not the only people he knew to have been buried here. Some of his relatives, former business partners, even classmates or groupmates had found their peace in this place. Kinn didn’t remember clearly where each of them was now resting, but he figured that there still was a possibility to find a familiar grave.
And he found one. To be more specific, someone else showed him.
About 15 meters in front of him stood a man, hands in his pockets, looking at the tombstone. Kinn would recognize this posture anywhere. He also didn’t have to ask who this person came to visit. Coming up closely, he saw a bouquet of white lilacs lying on the ground, covering the name of the buried.
“Were those his favorite flowers?” Kinn asked.
Chan didn’t even shiver at the sudden guest appearing. He only chuckled.
“Not really, I don’t even know if he liked those. His favorites were dandelions. Difficult to find at this time of the year and people don’t sell them. He once told me how his sister used to make flower crowns out of them when they were kids.”
Kinn was watching Chan all this time. How the head bodyguard now lifted his eyes and stared somewhere in front of him, how he was constantly stamping his right foot, how he lifted up his right hand to briefly wipe something from his face.
“I apologise, Khun Kinn.”
“For what?”
Chan went silent. Kinn wasn’t really waiting for response. It was a personal matter and he understood it, no pressure.
“Next time you’ll bring dandelions to make him happier.” He said.
Even standing at a significant distance, Kinn could hear the other man let out a tiny sob.
The next time never came.
After about a month, Kinn came back to the same place at the cemetery where he saw one of his strongest and coldest people struggle to remain in control of his emotions. He was sure that, once he entered his room that night, Chan broke down.
This time, Porsche was here by his side. After what happened with Tawan, he visited Big’s grave several times, mostly just standing in front of it in silence, not knowing what to say except occasional thank you. There were a lot of things Porsche now wished for: for himself to have been smarter, for Kinn to have been faster, for all of them to have listen to Tankhun and kill Kinn’s comically evil ex the first chance they got.
What if things were different? But they would never know.
“Have they met already, what do you think?” Porsche asked, standing several meters behind Kinn. Today was his turn to provide the other with the necessary privacy.
“They don’t have any other choice.”
Kinn opened a cardboard bag he’d been carrying all day. Porsche didn’t know what was in it, because his boyfriend didn’t want to tell him. Kinn put his hand inside and pulled out … 2 flower crowns.
Porsche didn’t have time to ask any questions as the older man made a beeline for now two gravestones standing very close to each other. He didn’t doubt who made a call for this to be arranged.
He didn’t move, waiting for Kinn to finish his little ceremony. From where he stood, if was difficult to place the type of flowers. They were yellow, clumsily but carefully intertwined. Did he make those crowns himself?
After several minutes, Kinn bowed and turned around, heading towards Porsche. When he reached his lover’s side, he just grabbed his hand and went on walking without saying a word. Porsche just smiled and tighten his grip. The sky above then was turning greyer.
“Is it going to rain?” He asked.
“I don’t think so, babe.” Kinn said, bringing his free hand to his face and whipping something off.
*
Can you pick me up from work? Ken and I got in an argument, so he made me clean up everything. Fucker. (read 7:36 p.m.)
Fucker indeed, love. I’m on my way. (sent 7:37 p.m.)
Chan chuckled and locked his phone. It was kind of his fault that Big was stuck at the station now. This morning Chan’s bike gave out again, making his boyfriend look daggers at him. Haven’t I been telling you for two months now to get a new one? Thankfully, Big didn’t live far away from his workplace and allowed Chan to take his vehicle today with the promise that the older would be his taxi home in the evening.
A ride to the station was quick. Having parked near the entrance, Chan took his time to look around before heading inside. As the end of the summer was approaching, the evenings were slowly turning cooler. He looked up at the darkening sky, no starts yet. Somewhere, cicadas were crackling.
Moments like this always made him think of the day he came to collect his repaired bike. He would be forever grateful to himself for taking initiative that night, as he’d been disgustingly happy ever since.
When Chan finally entered the station, he heard the sounds of water running and a loud thug. He genuinely had no idea what it might’ve been. The man came up to the front desk and pressed lightly on a bell, which somebody finally put here.
Another thug and a familiar figure emerged from behind the curtain, hair messy, chin covered in something black, smiling. Oh, that smile. Toothy, wide, addictive. Chan found it very difficult to control his own emotions every time he saw it.
Big came up to him with the clear intentions to hug only to realise that his hands were as dirty as his face. He groaned.
“Not done yet?” Chan asked.
“Almost, fifteen more minutes.”
“Can you hurry?”
“Oh,” Big let out an exaggerated gasp. “I’m so sorry that I asked you to pick me up after I’d let you take my bike because your piece of …”
“Okay okay, I get it” Chan interrupted, covering Big’s mount with his hand. “I’ll make it up to you.”
He felt Big smile under his palm. He took it away.
“Giving me a ride home is not enough.”
“Not exactly what I have in mind.”
Big turned into Cheshire Cat. “You sure do know how to convince. Be back in ten.” He quickly disappeared behind the curtain.
Chan decided to walk around for a bit. After spending the most of his day sitting, the idea seemed very appealing. He strolled slowly, looking absently at the posters on the walls and cans of paint on the floor. Suddenly, he spotted something bring on the couch, something small. Looking closely, he realised that it was a flower crown, made of fluffy yellow dandelions. A strange feeling of deja-vu occurred to him and he couldn’t understand where it came from. Chan stood here, stunned, eyes fixated on the crown until he felt a steady hand landing on his shoulder. He jerked.
“Whoa, relax, they’re clean now.” Big protested, showing his palms to Chan as a prof. But after a moment he realised that it was not the cause of the older’s concern.
“Are you okay?”
“This,” Chan said, pointed at the crown. “Where did you get that?”
Big let out a breathy laugh. “This? I made it myself.”
Chan’s face turned even more puzzled.
“I went out today during lunch and saw a bunch of dandelions growing on a sidewalk. They reminded me of my sister and how much she likes making crowns for us. Couldn’t help myself.”
Chan’s features softened. He knew Big missed his younger sister Lisa, now that he had to live in a different city, away from his family. Seeing him lit up after reminiscing about their favorite activity made him fall in love a little more.
“They are her favorite flowers.”
“And yours?”
“Not sure that I have ones. But I like dandelions. They always remind me of her. And it makes me happy.”