Work Text:
Ed in his robe, huddled on the bed with tear stains streaking from his darkened eyes, one hand lingering limply on the bottom edge of the lighthouse painting. His eyes unfocused, or perhaps focused on the perceived distance of the lighthouse, his mind cast off in the stormy seas.
Izzy, standing in the mess of a room, a plate in his hand that he hoped to coax Blackbeard into eating.
"Boss" he repeated, having gotten no acknowledgement with his initial greeting. "Boss!" he moved closer, picking his way over broken bottles mixed in with ripped clothes from Stede's wardrobe.
"Edward. You need to eat." Hovering in his peripherals wasn't getting any response, so he leaned in with his face next to the painting. "Edward. Ed. Can you get your mind out of this focking painting and eat some damn food already."
Ed's gaze slowly peeled from the distant waves, only making it as far as a distant corner over Izzy's shoulder. "Will I ever... see his light again...?" He blinked, his eyes focusing slightly. "Izzy? when did you come in?" He noticed the plate of food held inches from his chin "Oh. Yes, thank you..." He took the plate but some memory took his attention back out into the depths, his hand left holding the plate awkwardly in the air.
"Oh for fock's- Edward, snap out of it and eat your damn food" Izzy shoved the plate and Ed blinked, looking up at him. He suddenly had tears brimming in his eyes and a pained look.
"Will he... will I ever see him again..."
Izzy's face scrunched up in response as he said through clenched teeth "I told you to forget that twat, Edward, you need to focus on getting back to captaining and building a new crew".
It didn't seem like Ed was registering Izzy's words. "I miss him......" he trailed, his gaze slowly fell to the plate, then back up to the painting, searching for the beacon in the abstract lines.
Izzy's teeth were grinding with frustration, his hands clenching and unclenching, as he let out some exasperated sounds. Feeling like nothing he said would even be heard anyway, he strained out "you miss him. always him. all these years of devotion.... what about us".
As the plate sagged out of Ed's grip and clattered to the floor, Izzy couldn't help but feel tears at the corners of his eyes. His face clenched harder and harder, he felt the rage and anguish boiling over- "WHAT ABOUT US, ED? WHAT ABOUT ME?" he was clawing at his own face, quivering with pent up torment.
Blackbeard was smacked into the present with the sudden outburst, stunned still as he stared at his first mate, like he was just seeing him for the first time in years.
"ALL THESE YEARS. I'VE FOLLOWED YOU. SERVED YOU. DOES THAT MEAN NOTHING!? I WOULD NEVER-" Izzy's knees gave out as he crumpled to the floor, hands covering his face now, nails of his ungloved hand carving trenches into his forehead. "-never.. leave you.." he choked slightly on the tension in his head.
As he fell to the floor, Ed reached automatically for him, putting his hand on his shoulder. "Hey now, it's okay.. I'm sorry Iz" he began softly.
Izzy interjected "it's not okay. NONE OF THIS IS OKAY." he was shouting into his sleeves, curled in on himself, with tears escaping from the sides of his eyes still shut tight. "you're- you're supposed to be Blackbeard. But th-"
Ed's hand shifted up to cup the side of Izzy's clenched jaw, making his breath catch in his throat. He opened his eyes slightly, Ed's touch like a spell over him, his hands coming forward off his face just enough to peek up and meet his gaze. Ed's thumb gently wiped the tears along his cheek, his other hand reached up to softly wipe the blood drawn from his tormented clawing. Izzy was frozen, locked in Ed's tender gaze, the tension in his jaw giving way but his eyebrows still pressed together in anguished longing. "Shhh..." Ed soothed as he stroked his thumbs down Izzy's cheeks. He leaned his head in closer, his eyes half shut, and he could feel Izzy's heartbeat quickening as an almost imperceptible whine/moan escaped his lips.
Izzy's anguished gaze was locked in Ed's half lidded eyes, a coy smile playing at the corner of Ed's lips as he brought their noses just close enough to tickle the hairs. The tormented longing radiating from Izzy brought Ed's mind slowly around to other memories, less painful ones (for Ed, at least) from over the years spent with his best friend. His voice soft and deep, he breathed out "been a while since we've been so intimate, eh? especially sober..." He smiled down at his first mate, gaze lingering on his nose and lips, and Izzy was frozen, his eyes wider now.
"Y-you, I-" Izzy sputtered.
Ed playfully traced the x scar he had marked there, so many years ago. "you remember when you asked me to do this?" he chuckled "those were the good ol days, eh Iz-"
Izzy, finding his voice again, interrupted "Don't- you- how can you-" Ed shifted his face back slightly, looking puzzled. "You can't just- I thought you never remembered-" Izzy's face was scrunching up in hurt and confusion.
Ed frowned, looking surprised, still trying to parse what had Izzy so upset about their reminiscing. Izzy brought his hands up to grab Ed's and pull them away from his cheeks, turning his head down and away. "All this time... only when you drank... acted like it meant nothing..." he was muttering, face clenched, squeezing Ed's hands too hard as he started curling in on himself again.
"Heyy, Iz, shh shhh, it's okay- I- that's just what pirates do, ain't it? I... I mean Iz, mate, I love you man, you're my best friend-" Izzy's jaw and grip on Ed's fingers continued to tighten as he tucked his head as far down as he could, shoulders arching pitifully. "I could never have become Blackbeard without you man, I need you, you know that, don't you?" Izzy's fingers twitched, his grip faltering. Ed wriggled one hand free and fished out Izzy's chin, drawing his face up just enough to meet his eyes again. "I need you... always will".
Fresh tears emerged. His face red from the tension and torment, Izzy heaved a single sob and hunched forward with his remaining fist releasing Ed's hand, all his weight suddenly supported only by Ed still clutching his chin. He looked up, pitiful, defeated, into Ed's concerned eyes. "Then why... why am I never enough."