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"Come onnnn, Noelle, let's playyyy some more!"
Noelle zipped through the air at Vanica, the mixture of water, blood, and mercury cascading around her as Nozel gave his best to cover her advance. The devil-possessed smiled widely at her as the gap between them closed. As Noelle braced her arm and prepared to swing her sword, a streak of red shot across her vision, and she felt herself stop dead in the air. She glanced down and saw multiple protrusions from her chest, Vanica's blood magic piercing from her body. A string of glyphs began to wrap around her armored frame as Megicula's magic went into effect. Vanica's smile dropped as the pain shot through Noelle's chest and stomach.
"Huh, guess you aren't as much fun as I remember. Oh well, there's always others to play with."
The Silva bolted upright in her bed with wide eyes and labored breaths. She didn't scream, not this time, at least, but a high pitched whimper escaped her throat as she clutched the bed sheets covering her and pulled them up to her chin. A few loose tears rolled down her face, and her hand shook as she reached up to wipe them away. The blood rushed in her ears while her magenta eyes scanned the dark room for red eyes and wide smiles. She didn't find any.
A few minutes passed before her nerves cooled off enough for Noelle to feel comfortable lying back down. It was futile, however, as any attempt to close her eyes and return to sleep were met with panic and fear. She couldn't go back to that awful place. Not again.
She sighed heavily and swung her legs out of the bed, her bare feet hitting the icy floor sending a shiver up her spine. She adjusted the collar on her sleep shirt before silently stepping out of her room and into the cold, black halls of the hideout. Her feet carried her through the passages to the kitchen where she found a glass and filled it with water. The cool liquid felt heavenly on her parched throat.
The royal refilled the glass and brought it to her lips once more when she heard a noise; distant yet distinct. Noelle instinctively rolled her eyes as she registered the heavy grunt and cry of exertion. She peeked out of the kitchen window and saw Asta some distance away near the treeline, two swords in his hands as he rapidly spun, swung, and stabbed at imaginary foes in the air. Noelle's face scrunched up in confusion after her initial frustrations with him had passed.
"What are you doing up so late, Dumbsta?" She asked herself. She glanced at the clock and saw the time to be nearly 2 AM. The water mage frowned before refilling her glass of water and filling a second one as well. She stepped out of the kitchen and into the cool autumn night, the stars and moon above shining behind a thin veil of clouds. Noelle walked until she was only a few beats behind the ashen-haired swordsman too locked in his training to notice her. When, after a few minutes of awkward waiting, it became apparent that he wasn't going to notice her, Noelle cleared her throat.
"Hey."
Asta wheeled on his heel mid swing with a strangled yelp, black swords held aloft in a defensive stance. Noelle reflexively leapt back a few feet and cursed as she felt a splash of water flow over the side of the glasses she held in her hands. Green eyes locked with pink ones and instantly Asta let out a sigh of relief, his shoulders falling a considerable distance as the stress visibly left his frame.
"Hey, Noelle. Sorry, I didn't mean to…I didn't hear you behind me."
"It's okay," she replied with a shrug. "You were pretty focused there; thought you might want some water."
She held the glass out with a small smile. He dropped his swords to the cool earth and accepted the glass, downing it in one drink before handing it back to her with a quiet, "Thanks".
Noelle's brow furrowed in worry; it wasn't like Asta to be up so late at night, or to not sense someone walking up behind him. She examined his eyes and noted they looked lost and confused. She saw heavy bags under his eyes, and his shoulders and back locked tightly with stress and anxiety. Most of all she noticed he looked weary. Not bodily, but in his soul.
She took a sip of water.
"What're you doing up so late?" She asked.
He locked in place for a second as he was bending down to pick up his swords. As quick as he froze he resumed his reach and picked the blades up, swinging them in languid arcs to loosen his muscles before going again. He turned away from her and rolled his shoulders.
"Couldn't sleep. Figured I'd get some training in."
He leapt forward with a wide arcing slash and soon fell back into a rhythm of paced attacks and grunts. Noelle rolled her eyes and quietly sat down not far from him, aimlessly picking at loose blades of grass. The cool air felt good, but the royal felt like she couldn't breathe with the obvious tension in the air. Something was wrong with Asta, and Noelle knew it. The problem was he was usually so open about how he was feeling about things that this closed-off, shut-down approach he seemed to be taking now was scary. It felt like what she used to do, and if that was the case, Noelle knew how to handle it.
"Why couldn't you sleep?" She asked.
Asta came to a stop before turning to look at her. He sighed and shuffled over to her before falling heavily to the ground next to her. He tossed his swords a handful of feet away from them.
"I had a nightmare. I've been having nightmares. Since the war."
He crossed his arms defensively as looked away from her, and Noelle could feel her chest swell with pain. Seeing Asta so…defeated was something new to her. And she hated it. The Silva kept quiet and patiently waited for him to continue. It took a second, but eventually, he sighed heavily and turned back to her.
"I didn't want to wake anyone up," he began, "so I came out here to tire myself out."
Noelle nodded sympathetically and offered Asta the remainder of her water. This time he accepted the glass with a small smile.
"What about you?" he asked as he took a sip. "Why are you up this late?"
"Nightmare," she offered back. "Needed something to cool me off."
They sat together in silence under the blanket of night for some time, saying nothing and doing nothing. It didn't bother Noelle, however, because she felt safer with him around. Like the nightmares weren't so real or terrifying. Like she could conquer them. Eventually, Asta spoke up and pulled her from her musings.
"What're yours about?"
His voice shook slightly with the question and he deliberately kept his eyes glued to the ground. Noelle hated how small he looked right now. His green eyes that were usually so full of light and love were dark and timid.
She sighed.
"I'm fighting Vanica," she began, her own voice a tad unsteady, "and Nozel and I are winning. It's tough, but we're winning. And then, out of nowhere, she gets me."
Noelle tightened her hand into a fist and swallowed hard.
"I'm either not fast enough or she comes at me from an angle I can't see or something like that. There's pain and blood and screaming: from me and Nozel both."
Noelle felt Asta's large hand gently rest on her knee and give it a small squeeze. She initially flinched at the touch but quickly returned the gesture with a smile that faded as she continued.
"But that's not the part that gets me. The part that gets me is the recognition that I failed; that I failed like my mother, like Loropechika. In my dreams, I'm not strong enough to take her down, and the sacrifices those women before me made are in vain."
The royal looked to the peasant and saw his eyes determinedly trained on her. For the first time that Noelle could remember, he was silent. His hand was still on her knee, quietly supporting her, yet there was a sadness and surprise to his eyes that reminded her that was probably not used to seeing her like this just as much as she wasn't used to his behaviors as well.
"It's usually just that," she finished with an attempt at nonchalance. "Dying trying to avenge my mother and friend. Failing to rid the world of that evil."
Noelle crossed her arms over herself as a cool breeze flew through the trees. For a second she felt that cold air of the Spade Kingdom and sucked in through her teeth at the memory. It was gone in an instant.
"I'm fighting…someone," Asta began, pulling Noelle back to the present. He was staring straight ahead into the darkened forest around them. "It changes from dream to dream. Sometimes it's Dante, sometimes it's Lilith and Nahamah, most times it's Lucifero. Always though it ends almost like yours, but someone else dies. Not me."
He removed his hand from her knee and wiped his palms against his pants. Noelle frowned at the already missed warmth of his touch. He ran a hand through his hair and rested his arms against his legs.
"I'm not afraid of dying," Asta started, "I'm afraid of not being strong enough to keep those I care about from dying. In my dreams that's what happens. Yami; Yuno; Nacht; you."
He faced her as he said it and Noelle couldn't stop the butterflies that stirred up in her stomach. They were sitting close together, legs occasionally bumping into one another and arms brushing together. It felt nice. Warm, comfortable, and safe. Noelle just wished there wasn't such a dreary discussion looming over them. The silence resumed between them for a few minutes.
"Noelle?"
She faced him again and he's closer now, only a few inches away. Under normal circumstances, the royal would be blushing, blubbering mess at their intimate proximity, but there was an emotion in Asta's face that scared Noelle: fear. It wasn't an emotion the manaless peasant showed often. Noelle hated the way it looked on him.
"Yeah, Asta?"
"Can we…can we stay out here for a bit? And just…talk? About anything?" he requested. "I'll be honest I really don't want to go back to bed yet and I like it out here with you."
Noelle's chest swelled with a mixture of pain and love. To see the man who never doubted himself look so scared, so small…so hollow…
"Of course, Asta. We can stay out here as long as you need."
His head perked up and he gave her a long, annoyingly confused (and somewhat cute, she decided) glance. She felt her face begin to redden.
"That…means a lot to me. Thank you."
She grunted in affirmation and gently bumped his shoulder, ignoring the butterflies in her stomach as she did.
"What're friends for, right?"
He smiled and looked down between his feet to the dark earth. The moon broke through the clouds and washed them in a silver light that made him appear luminous, and Noelle found herself tracing the curve of his jaw and neck with her eyes and admiring him. She'd normally scold herself or be encompassed in embarrassment if it weren't for the night around them. Something about being alone with Asta in the quiet expanse emboldened her.
"Hey," Asta started again. "Can I try something?"
She felt her heart skip a few beats.
"Um, sure. Just don't do anything dumb."
He let out a dry laugh and tentatively reached over to take her hand in his. He turned it until her palm was facing upwards and gingerly placed his thumb over her pulse point, the rest of his fingers lacing around her wrist. The anti-mage let out a shaky breath as he held onto her and let his head fall back against the bark of the tree behind them. Noelle felt her face ignite with heat as her eyes flicked between her own wrist and Asta's resting face. After a few seconds, she saw a smile creep onto the swordsman's lips as he cracked an eye open to look at her.
"When I was little, I'd sometimes get nightmares. I would always wake up screaming, and Yuno would always freak out. I always wanted Sister Lily to hold me and rock me back to sleep but she never would." Asta's smile grew wider, and he let out a small chuckle. "She did teach me this trick, however, to help me calm down. She taught me how to find my pulse and feel my heartbeat. The rhythm soothed me and reminded me that I was alive and safe."
He pressed his thumb down into her wrist, and gently rubbed the area around her pulse. Noelle felt a tingle of pleasure run through her arm at the touch and kept her eyes locked on him. Asta's eyes slowly fell to their conjoined hands, and his smile softened.
"I haven't done this in years, but it works just as well as it did then."
Despite her blush and tingling stomach, Noelle smiled back. Then something clicked in her mind.
"If Sister Lily taught you how to do it to yourself, why are you doing it to my pulse?"
Asta shrugged.
"Your skin is smoother than mine. It feels better."
Noelle stared at him in disbelief for a moment before letting a bell-like laugh out of her mouth. Before long, Asta joined in and the two fell into a comfortable rhythm of laughter and conversation. The tensions from the nightmares faded away as the 18-year-olds talked for hours about anything and everything that crossed their mind. As the time passed, things began to feel normal again as they swapped stories and recalled memories of their time together since they met, Asta's hand never leaving Noelle's once while they did.
Eventually Noelle began to feel the heavy weight of sleep settling in and a large yawn signaled to Asta that it was time to turn in. They stood together and made their way into the hideout, putting the glasses away and quietly giggling to themselves. He walked her to her room and gave her wrist one last squeeze at her door.
"Thank you for checking up on me, Noelle. I…really needed that."
"Yeah, you did; the gloomy, moody look isn't good on you," she teased with a smile.
"Goodnight," he quietly replied before turning on his heel and beginning to walk back to his room.
As he did, Noelle could feel her chest tightening at the prospect of returning to the darkness of her own room and the horrors that awaited her in her sleep. The past few hours with Asta had taken her mind off of all that had been wrong, and watching him walk away felt like her safety blanket was being ripped away. She hated feeling so weak and helpless, but she hated the nightmares even more. Before she could talk herself out of it, she called out to him.
"Asta?"
He stopped and turned back to her. "Yeah?"
"C-can…can you stay with me tonight?" She asked, face burning and hands shaking. "Y-you don't have to, I'll be alright on my own, but I just really don't want to be alone right now."
For a second, he did nothing but stare at her and Noelle was afraid she had overstepped. Then, after far too long a silence for her to be comfortable with, he smiled and nodded with a blush of his own.
"Yeah, I'll stay with you."
Noelle's heart slammed into her chest yet she opened the door to her room and led him inside. The interior was as dark as it was when she awoke some time ago, but the darkness didn't scare her this time. If anything, she was grateful it was helping conceal her blushing face. She slid into bed and patiently waited for Asta to follow suit. When he did, she surprised herself by scooting closer to him and resting her head against his chest. Asta's arm wrapped around her shoulders and pulled her close against him.
The black room that scared her hours before felt…warm. Wrapped in his arms, her head pressed to his chest, legs entwined beneath the sheets; it was intimate to a level that made Noelle want to scream and run away from the manaless man, but it felt so good to be held and soothed that the royal swallowed her pride and nerves and simply enjoyed the contact. Their breaths syncopated with one another and Noelle found herself aimlessly drawing circles into Asta's chest with her lithe fingers while his heavy hand rubbed across her shoulders and back. The minutes passed in silence for some time before the ashen-haired man cleared his throat.
"For what it's worth, you did defeat her. You're more than strong enough. Loropechika is alive because of you. Your mother's soul is at rest because of you." He tightened his grip around her. "Those nightmares are nothing but lies."
Noelle's shoulders shook as she let out a heavy breath and nodded her head. She knew he was right—she was here after all and they definitely had killed Vanica and Megicula—but hearing him say it so authoritatively made the tension and stress in her mind dissipate.
"You're strong too, Asta," she offered back. "You're strong enough to keep everyone around you safe; to surpass any obstacle in your path; to become the Wizard King and make this Kingdom better."
"You really think so?" he asked.
"I know so."
Another few minutes passed in peace. Noelle wasn't used to silence when she was with Asta, but it was a nice change to just be with him. No fighting, no talking, no training; just them.
"Noelle?" Asta called. Her name left his lips with a rawness that caught her off guard.
"Yeah?"
"This is real, right? I'm not dreaming all this up right now, am I?"
She blinked heavily in the darkness and could feel his heart rate increase with the question. Without thinking, the royal gently grabbed his hand and maneuvered it until it was back on her wrist, right above the pulse.
"No, Asta, this isn't a dream. I'm here."
His chest rose and fell with a heavy sigh of relief, and Noelle noted his muscles relaxed as he adjusted in the bed. It was another few minutes before he spoke again. When he did , it was barely above a whisper.
"When I do start dreaming, I hope you'll be there."
Noelle wanted to say something, but the words wouldn’t properly form in her mind. Asta gave one last sigh before thumping his head against the pillow once and allowing sleep to overtake him. The royal continued to stare at his darkened face for a while until the rising and falling of his chest became even and rhythmic and she could hear the softest of snoring coming from him. Noelle smiled widely and snuggled closer into his chest. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew they would probably be in for a world of trouble when the morning came and the rest of the squad saw them arrive at breakfast together, but right now she couldn't care about what they thought any less.
Noelle moved up and pressed a gentle kiss to Asta's cheek, thankful that he was asleep so her embarrassment would go unnoticed.
"I will be. I promise."