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It probably was a terrible idea to be thinking so deeply into this…
…No, it was definitely a terrible idea, there was no sugar-coating it. Lila was really overstepping what boundaries should be in place for the type of relationship she had with Susie. Calling her a friend was a little much already; it’s weird for a grown woman like herself and a young girl just reaching puberty to be so closely acquainted in the first place. However, it was an entirely other thing to consider her anything close to a romantic partner.
Yet the moment she heard Pump mention the concept of Susie having a crush on her, the thought stayed in her head rent-free.
As the adult in the situation, she should be taking action by seeing if it was true, and then squashing the idea in Susie's head if it was. She should be considering cutting their bond since the young girl was desiring something she shouldn’t.
Instead, the woman lay in bed, wondering if they would make a good pair. She wondered if her son would be more accepting of Susie than her previous romantic partners. Skid was always against her dating again, but since he already knew Susie, maybe he'd be more willing to give her a shot. She'd taken care of Lila's son before, and she took care of Pump all the time. Susie was already a good sister and babysitter, so maybe she'd be a good mother too...
...Lila could not believe she was thinking about such a thing.
She turned over to face the alarm clock on her bedside table. It was 3:45 pm. Skid was at Pump and Susie's house for the day. Lila had 15 more minutes before she was forced to get up and get things for dinner before picking her child up. She probably should be getting out of bed now, but she wanted to come to some sort of conclusion in her mind as to what she should do about her current situation.
Maybe it was all one big misunderstanding and the boys were making up silly weird rumors. Maybe Pump misunderstood his sister’s feelings towards Lila. He might have seen something on TV and/or overheard Susie saying something affectionate about her, so he assumed it had to be romantically driven. Children can come up with the strangest of things sometimes…
…But the idea of the young girl talking about her so positively in private, enough to make Pump believe that those words came from a place of infatuation, made Lila’s heart skip a beat.
It shouldn’t, it really really shouldn’t, but it did.
Millions of awful implications filled her head, yet they were all being overpowered by the desire to be with Susie. She felt she and the girl had more chemistry than she and her exes. That might have either said a lot about how bad her exes were, that she’d find more appeal in a young girl, or it said Lila had developed some particular tastes after having so many failed relationships.
She looked back at the clock. 3:55. She needed to be heading out the door soon.
Lila got out of her bed and went to gather her purse and keys. There was no use staying in bed looking for an easy answer to all this. The only easy answer is one she didn't want. She wanted Susie, and if what her son’s friend said was right, Susie wanted her too. Dwelling on it, trying to rationalize it would take up more time than she had.
She got her belongings and proceeded to head out the door, not entirely sure what to do next. A talk was definitely needed, but how should she go about it? Should she try to talk to Susie as soon as she sees her again? Should she maybe arrange a day where they can meet up so they can talk about it? Should she just text her about it and avoid any awkward, potentially risky, in-person interaction?
Questions filled her head from the moment she got into the car to when she was inside the store. As she was shopping, Lila had to double-check every item she got to make sure her thoughts didn’t cause her to buy the wrong thing. As she made her way to the self-checkout, a display caught her eye.
‘Seasonal flowers. 3.99 a bouquet’
She picked up one of the bouquets, one with the most red and pink flowers, and brought it over with her other groceries to the check-out. She paid for them, exited the store, and got in her car. Before putting the car into drive, she quickly wrote down a note on the card attached to the bouquet.
“With Love, From Lila <3”
It would be a start.