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Like always with Tobirama Senju, it started small but got out of hand very quickly.
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Izuna jumped on his desk, screeching like a dying banshee, when he saw the absolutely huge spider that had gotten from underneath the furniture. A second later, Tobirama was in the office, kunai in hand.
"Izuna, what is the prob..."
"Kill it !! Kill it with fire !!"
Tobirama looked at the spider, blinked, deadpanned and then put his kunai aside. Izuna thought he was going to faint as he watched his rival crouch and offer his hand to the spider, who hopped on it without a second thought. The Senju then exited the room, petting the spider and crooning. Izuna had troubles believing his own eyes.
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A few hours later, the spider - now dubbed Miss FluffyLegs - had her own terrarium in Tobirama's office, big enough to put a goddamn horse inside. Izuna very carefully avoided going inside the office when his rival wasn't here.
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Hashirama jumped in his desk, screeching like a dying cat stuck in a tuba, when he saw the tiny mouse that was trotting against the wall. A heartbeat later, Tobirama was here, kunai at the ready, gazing around murderously.
"Anija, what is the prob..."
Hashirama pointed at the mouse and shierked incoherently.
Tobirama looked at the mouse, blinked, deadpanned and then put his kunai aside. He offered his hand to the mouse, who hopped on it without a second thought. Hashirama looked with bulging eyes as his brother walked out the door, petting the mouse and whispering sweet nothings to it.
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A few hours later, the mouse - now dubed Lady FunnyWhiskers - had her own room in Tobirama's house, with a little bed, a garden, a running wheel and even a pool. As a result, Hashirama stopped barging uninvited in his brother's home.
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Mito observed the dog her dear brother-in-law was carrying in his arms with a dubious expression. Not that the dog was ugly or agressive, no, they seemed perfectly fine. However...
"Tobi-chan, I am almost sure this is an Inuzuka dog," she tried.
"Of course not, Aneue," Tobirama said with a dignity someone carrying a dog like a baby shouldn't possess, "this is my dog and his name Ikki."
A few hours later, Ikki had his own house in Tobirama's garden.
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It was the moment it started getting out of control.
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"Cousin," Toka said, not knowing if she should feel worried or amused, "this is a Hyuga kid."
"No," Tobirama said, pointing at the shirt the kid was wearing, that said 'Tobirama's kid n°4' ,"he is my son, can't you see ?"
"He has parents..."
"I adopted them too," Tobirama answered, showing the two long-suffering Hyuga wearing shirts that said 'Tobirama's kid n°5' and 'Tobirama's kid n°6'.
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It got worse from here.
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"Lord Senju," Akihito Shimura tried, "this is a Mizu shinobi."
"Nonsense," Tobirama Senju groused, "Can't you see this is my daughter ?"
Akihito looked at the huge shark-like blue-skinned woman who was wearing a shirt that said 'Tobirama's kid n°12' and sighed. He was not paid enough to deal with this shit.
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A few months passed, and the number of Tobirama's 'children' grew exponientially (despite the tragic accident with an arachnophobic archivist that costed Miss FluffyLegs one of her legs - said archivist disappeared quickly and hadn't been seen since then).
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Madara watched as Tobirama Senju stormed in his office to give Izuna - who was wearing a shirt that read 'Tobirama's kid n°379' - a bento, and gritted his teeth. Izuna noticed that and waited till the infuriating Senjuwas out of the room to speak.
"Why are you making that face ? His food is super tasty !"
Madara banged his forehead on the desk.
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A few days later, Tobirama Senju caught the Uchiha Head as he was making his way alone to the training grounds and wrestled him in a shirt that read 'Tobirama's kid n°426'.
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"Put the shirt back on, Aniki ! He's been crying for two hours now that his baby doesn't love him anymore !"
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Something was bugging Subaku no Reto, and he had troubles explaining what.
"Shimura-san," he asked curiously, "why are you giving us specific instructions never to walk alone or look lost during the Summit ?"
Akihito Shimura - Konoha's embassador - gave the Kazekage a long-suffering look.
"Just... don't do it... please... for the sake of our sanity..."
Subaku no Reto - as well as the other Kage - was starting to wnder if he was going to go to the Summit.