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Ur-Nungal was not actually a somber person—or at least not as somber as everyone thought he was. Enkidu is observant, and they knew better than to judge a person based entirely on appearances.
In fact, the more that child had come out of his shell since winding up with the rest of them, the more Enkidu had come to realize that if he'd had a different past and the circumstances behind his upbringing had not been plagued by strife and misfortune, if only things didn’t have to turn out the way they did, Ur-Nungal would be one of the most trouble-making kids Uruk would have known—and the mere act of thinking about what could have been hurt even more than having the knowledge of what really befell.
Of course, you wouldn’t be able to tell at first glance. Enkidu believes this is because Ur-Nungal has trained himself to live on whatever scraps of human contact that are offered to him, feeding even from those that were negative, which would explain his rather strange relationship with the Moon Cell's Artificial Intelligence, and not to get too greedy by asking for anything real. After all, Enkidu should know—they’ve seen it happening on someone once, so they know to recognize the symptoms on somebody else.
That child merely accepts, without expectation or hope for more, and tells himself it’s enough. However, after Ur-Nungal stopped snarling or growling or slinking around Chaldea like a spooky street cat, he’s given Enkidu a lot of opportunities to judge him for who he was, rather than for the image of himself he wanted to present to the rest of them.
Mischievous and smart, naturally cunning and silver-tongued like his father, and possessing the magical and alchemistic knowledge that Gil didn’t have without suffering from the same lack of proper training that was behind Hakuno’s many unfortunate exploding spells, Ur wasn't just the type to just leave a bucket full of sticky goo over your door or rudely force you awake by pouring a bucket full of ice-cold water on your face—although he also did that when he was in the mood for old-fashioned mischief.
But oh, no, no.
He was the type that was crazy enough to get residue from a dead monster you’ve helped him slay not a few hours ago during training simulations and sticking it between his father’s sheets, re-making it so neatly that somehow Gil didn't even notice until he got in and— "UR-NUNGAL!"
Enkidu thinks with the benefit of hindsight that that might have been their fault entirely. The prank’s execution as well as the idea were all Ur-Nungal’s for certain, they weren’t going to take merit away from the child, but he wouldn’t have thought about doing it had Enkidu not distracted Gilgamesh enough to let him scoop some of that goo and store it inside his gates for later use.
There were so many layers to that child that Enkidu didn’t even know where to begin.
The first and most relevant thing Enkidu noticed about Ur-Nungal was that he didn't filter anything he felt. Unlike Hakuno, who was too much a good person to ever want to make another feel bad because of an uncontrollable outburst or a misinterpreted sentence, who sometimes still struggled making sense of what she felt, Ur-Nungal was the type of person who thought subtlety was for the weak. Thus, if he was pissed, he was pissed. If he was happy, he was happy. He had no in between. Everything he felt, he felt to the farthest degree possible. Which, well… to a certain extent, come to think of it, that was just another thing he and Gil had in common, even if none of them wanted to acknowledge it.
The other was that Ur, fickle as a cat and moody though he may be (and silent, too… Enkidu’s never seen someone who could move so quietly, either, half-god or not. He’s managed to catch them off guard a few times—which was not an easy feat, considering Enkidu’s origin), also liked to play—which made sense, really; he was still a kid, after all, even though Enkidu themselves had trouble remembering it, sometimes.
Trying to pin a certain age to a Servant was complicated and most of the time not exactly accurate, but Enkidu would say he was supposed to be between seventeen and nineteen years of age—not that far from matching Gil’s, but they supposed that Ur’s broodier, more contemptuous nature made him seem older. He was young despite that certain glint in his eyes that said he’s seen more than a nineteen-year-old should have, and though sometimes that was hard to remember, it showed.
Ur had a grand total of half a year to get comfortable with them—and comfortable he got. The first person he grew himself attached to was, no surprises here, Hakuno herself. Of course, this was also to be expected, for not only was Hakuno uncannily too much alike the woman who mothered him, but he was under the impression (as Caster Gilgamesh himself was as well) that she was the woman herself, brought back to life by some misguided case of reincarnation or a glitch in the currents of space-time. It was easy to believe that, too—Ur-Nungal may have Gil’s colors, but the brownish hue in his eyes was for certain all Hakuno’s, as well as his propensity to speak his mind in the driest, most sarcastic and blunt way possible.
The second person he had warmed up to was Caster. Again, Enkidu couldn’t be surprised; Caster was most likely the version of their friend that this child grew up with, so it was no wonder that Ur-Nungal would prefer him over his Archer self; rash, uncaring, fickle, arrogant and at times cruel in his derision Archer Gilgamesh, who didn’t think about filtering his words before he spoke them and was entirely too proud to admit he wanted Ur-Nungal to look his way and the joy he could bring just as much as he fought to admit Hakuno had gained a special spot in his heart, that was different from the one Enkidu had claimed for themselves, all those millennia back when they were just as young and impulsive and never stopped to consider the gravity of their many transgressions and how terribly they would burn when the Gods decided to play for keeps.
That didn’t mean Ur-Nungal spared Caster Gilgamesh from his mischievousness. Far from it: Caster has many times complained about missing tablets that he was certain he had left on certain spots inside his study only to find they had somehow winded up on random places of Chaldea, and Enkidu—for as long as they lived—will never forget that one time when they all went to a beach trip along with Gudako and the rest, when Ur-Nungal—fed up with Archer and Caster showing off like peacocks in front of everyone—had looked at them with that certain glint in his eyes that told Enkidu just about everything they needed to know, and between the both of them they somehow managed to restrain Caster with their chains long enough for Ur-Nungal to carry him bridal style to the very edge of the elevated rock formation they had settled on, whispering “Long live the King,” into his ear right before dropping him into the water and then joining him right away.
Caster didn’t speak to any of them during a whole week, and they got scolded by a very frantic-looking Hakuno afterwards all while Gil was wheezing for air and barking directions at them—however, Enkidu will always remember (and they’re sure Ur-Nungal will, too) that dead-cold flash of fear that passed through Gil’s eyes, that split-second moment of realization when it seemed like Gilgamesh’s entire life was flashing in front of him.
But whereas with Caster Ur-Nungal was willing to play nicely, with Archer he wasn’t so… thoughtful.
Ur-Nungal and Archer’s relationship could only be described as two cats fighting over the same spot on the couch only to end up curled up against each other minutes later, one on top of the other. It was yet another thing that did not catch them or Hakuno by surprise. Whereas Caster was more patient and overall more tactful of the things he coveted, however little that was, Archer wasn’t nearly as mindful, and he tended to expect immediate results and utmost compliance. As it seemed, Ur-Nungal was just generally a little piss when he was being asked to do something he didn't want to do.
If put together, Archer and Ur were two enormous galaxies about to collide.
There were plenty of yelling fights and desperate chases across hallways—and once Chaldea’s kitchen caught on fire, but Ur-Nungal insists that that was Archer Gil’s fault and not his, actually—and low snarled arguments and loud, playful wrestling matches and also good-natured shouting. For every successful prank Ur-Nungal managed to score on Gil, Archer made sure to return it back twice as bad, or at least they did right until Hakuno witnessed one of their never-ending wars in the form of a 'shaving cream bomb' that took hours to clean up and forced them both to make a truce.
Of course, food pranks were also banned after one of them almost crossed the line. The end-game to this one, for example, had been Ur-Nungal contaminating Archer Gilgamesh’s food, unknowing that the man was really, rather incredibly allergic to mapo tofu.
Ever so slowly, that child had just blossomed right in front of their eyes, and to the honest surprise of many inhabitants in Chaldea, their friend had seemed to have found out what it was like to be the father in a family of five.
Ur-Nungal inclusion into their little dysfunctional family of four had also helped Hakuno with coming out of her shell as well. At first she'd been unsure and refused to participate in their childishness; partly out of timidity, partly out of a well-developed sense of self preservation.
But eventually, just like everything else they shared with her, Hakuno had been drawn irreversibly into their pranks.
"You little runt!"
Archer’s angry, booming voice had honestly startled the boy; first, because Gilgamesh—even Archer Gilgamesh—was as light-footed as he is also light-fingered, surprisingly nimble without his gaudy golden armor, and managed to sneak behind him without Ur-Nungal noticing he was towering behind him at all until he all but roared at him, seething with rage, filling the room with the suffocating, menacing aura of his indignation.
And the second reason, Enkidu suspects, is because for once the boy hadn't done a thing—at least that they knew of. He’d been all this time with them and Hakuno both, sprawled over the couch and playing some kind of game he told them was called ‘Pokémon’ ("You take young creatures away from their natural habitats and family against their will so that later you can force them to battle others of their kind until they collapse from exhaustion," Ur-Nungal had explained levelly. "You're given cash recompenses for winning. It’s fun.") while Enkidu and Hakuno were leaning on the opposite direction of the couch: with Enkidu’s back pressed against Hakuno’s chest as she sat behind them and carefully worked with the tangles of their hair so that she could braid it better.
The three of them were all waiting for Gil to finish his seemingly unending bath so that they could meet with Gudako and the rest of her entourage and start the Event Gilgamesh had wanted to host in New York, of all places. Since his shower had started Ur-Nungal had not left the room.
Ur-Nungal had an alibi, and for that matter so did Enkidu, so of course, at first, Enkidu hadn’t known about what was Archer so pissed about, they couldn’t even begin to imagine it.
Right until they glanced up at him, of course.
They thought it'd been because they were still half-asleep perhaps, or because the sun was partially blinding them, but for some stupid reason Enkidu was certain they were looking at Gilgamesh with pink hair.
Surely, that had to be an optical illusion, right?
But no. No, not from the look on his face.
Enkidu blinked once, twice, and Gil’s hair was still definitely still rose-colored.
Enkidu stared up at him with their mouth partially opened in surprise, and then shifted their attention back to Ur-Nungal, who had also turned around to see what had his father so upset about and was sharing with them the same surprised expression.
And that’s when Ur saw it, too.
Like a fish out of water, the boy opened and closed his mouth several times, but words just wouldn’t come out—as it seemed, his brain was already having enough trouble processing the fact that Gilgamesh now had pastel pink hair instead of his usual shade of perfect golden blond, and even if he wanted to speak he just couldn’t bring himself to, which was probably for the best because Enkidu and Ur-Nungal both knew that if he spoke, he would give his loudest, longest wheeze.
He raised his hands in a universal sign of surrender, very slowly, and turned his head to give Enkidu a questioning look—one that said, ‘was it you?’. Enkidu returned his stare with one of their own, one that conveyed ‘not this time’ as they shook their head.
It was obvious by looking at Ur’s face that he hadn’t done it, and loathe as Enkidu was to admit it because the idea was just pure genius, they weren’t behind this act of cruel mischief this time, either.
Ur-Nungal didn't even laugh.
He didn't.
But someone else did.
Someone who wasn’t Ur and that for sure wasn’t Enkidu, either.
Time stretches, then stops completely, until Gilgamesh as well as the rest of the room’s inhabitants realize that the hooted peals of laughter came from behind them, actually, where Hakuno had dropped the comb she was using to untangle Enkidu’s hair and was doubled over, not even trying to hide her guiltiness or pretending to be innocent, howling with barely contained laughter.
Enkidu got to witness the instant it hit Archer—the realization of who was actually behind his pink hair. His red eyes widened, then flashed, and then he was leaping over Enkidu and Ur-Nungal and the couch in one, smooth leap.
It was Hakuno’s well-honed survival instincts what saved her from getting caught right then, given how trapped she was between the back of the couch and Enkidu’s body. She managed to break free from Gilgamesh before he could get a good grip on her and scrambled away from him, landing on the floor, which resulted in Archer also landing rather gracelessly in the spot where she had been and knocking into Enkidu by accident.
Hakuno struggled a fraction of a second to stand up, and then took off in a sprint. Gilgamesh picked himself up with an annoyed grunt, and started giving her chase.
"Damn straight, you run!" He bellowed as Hakuno shrieked and bolted in the other direction. She leapt lightly up the stairs, Gilgamesh hot on her heels.
Enkidu and Ur-Nungal both got up from the couch, the boy deciding that watching his parents engage in a stupid mad chase was by far more interesting than playing whatever he was playing on his little portable console.
"Mom, you can't get anywhere going up!" He called, but none of them were even paying attention.
There was another shriek followed by a massive clang, a blunt noise that sounded just as though someone might have fallen down or tripped over something, and a second shriek, this time definitely a male’s. Not before long, Hakuno was undoing the path she had made, running down the stairs again. She was sprinting just about before she hit the ground, and with good reason; Gilgamesh was about two steps behind her.
"Enkidu!"
"Oh, no, no—not today." They side-stepped her desperate lunge for them. "You got yourself into this,” Enkidu added as they took a seat by the couch’s armrest, watching her circle the entire room so as to avoid Gilgamesh, who was catching up to her, “so you can get yourself out, right?"
Ur-Nungal, meanwhile, snorted a laugh as Gilgamesh darted around the couch to shorten their distance, pink hair- pink!- glinting under the sunlight as it filtered through the windows.
"Just let him catch you, mom, it'll be over quicker that way!"
Hakuno was making a break for the door, though, not even stopping to listen any of their well-intended advice, thinking outside was her refuge—that Gil would balk at going into public wearing his hair like that.
And well, she was right, in a way. Gilgamesh did hesitate—but only for a fraction of a second, which was all the time he needs before deciding fuck it, revenge and coming after her anyhow is more important than pride.
As the door slammed shut behind them, Enkidu considered a few things.
The first was to find out what, exactly, Hakuno had done to his hair, how permanent it was, and if they needed to buy blond dye.
The second was finding out how Hakuno managed to dye his hair at all while he was in the shower.
For… scientific purposes, of course.
Had she infused Gil’s shampoo with pink dye? Maybe, but the color was too vivid, so that couldn’t be… had she perhaps managed to create a potion capable of dying one’s hair pink and replaced his shampoo with it?
Enkidu sighed, pleased. They liked what they had, all in all. Surely, it wasn’t functional—or at least not the kind of functional most humans would be accustomed to, but a little dysfunctionality was to be expected from the unlikely union between a digital ghost girl somehow brought back to life by a sentient machine-god, a two-thirds God from a civilization four-thousand years in the past, and a shapeshifting divine-crafted being made out from clay, who had once been conceived to be wielded as a weapon, and had lived their life without expecting to ever receive the soft, caring sentiments one would spare a real person—the one’s they’re now receiving by their two most important, most cherished people in the world…
Once the door slammed shut behind them, Ur-Nungal shot them an interesting question. “Do you think we should chase after them? Mom's still in her bumble-bee pajamas and dad’s not going to like it if he somehow finds out we let his evil younger twin with the pink hair run rampant over some human neighborhood and make him look bad.”
…Plus one.
“No, do not bother—as I said, Hakuno got into this situation herself; she will figure out how to get herself out of it. She's done it before and she'll do it again.”
Ur just snorted. “But what about dad, though? Shouldn’t we at least call him out to remind him those half-buttoned slacks he's wearing are doing nothing to cover his flat ass?”
They are a strange, dysfunctional little family with strange, dysfunctional little people sharing the burden of eternity together—but it is theirs, and the burden of eternity, as Enkidu’s come to realize, is not so much a burden when you spend it with those you care about, and the loves of your life.