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Prasong’s nod feels like a death knell.
How is Kim going to explain this to Chay.
How is he going to come to terms with it himself?
There’s a ripple that goes through the room as Prasong’s words register. Kinn’s mouth tightens as he asks the other man more questions, Tankhun’s face turns blank, arms tensely crossed in front of him, eyes watching rapt with attention, and Kim’s too caught up in his head to pay attention to the answers.
What’s the price of loyalty?
For Porsche, it’s apparently 500,000 baht.
Eventually Kinn nods, dismisses Prasong from the room. Then he turns, fixes his gaze on the rest of the room as his expression tightens once more.
“Porsche betrayed the Main family. He must die.”
“No!” Kim speaks before he can stop himself.
“Chay will hate me.” He adds as Kinn fixes his gaze onto him.
“Porsche is willing to sell your schedule to an unknown party for money. His presence puts this family in danger, puts you in danger. What reason do you have to still keep him alive?”
Kim keeps silent. Because he doesn’t have an answer. And everyone in the room knows it.
Prasong made Porsche the offer more than three hours ago. If he’d been planning to go to Chan or any of the bodyguards about it, he already would have.
Porsche accepted money to sell out Kim’s schedule for the next week when he finds it out. Porsche was willing to give it out knowing it could put Kim in danger, for a meagre 500,000 baht. Kim knows that’s reason enough to kill him. It’s more than enough evidence that Porsche is the source of the leak.
And it hurts, more than slightly, because he thought he and Porsche got along well together. But alongside the hurt this puts other things into consideration. Because if Porsche is a mole, then Chay might be one as well.
And Kim doesn’t want to believe it, can’t bring himself to. Because he thought what’s between him and Chay was real. Chay couldn’t have faked the smiles he sent Kim, the gentle way he held him tight or brushed his hair aside. How Chay would nudge his way into Kim’s space when he wanted attention, how he remembered what brand of coffee Kim liked even though he didn’t drink it himself, how he brought so many experiences to Kim’s life that he hadn’t gotten growing up with a childhood like his.
Kim had even thought what’s between him and Porsche was real. After Porsche had gotten over his initial mistrust of anyone dating his brother he and Kim had grown closer. Kim would meet the two siblings for breakfast every Saturday, where the playful ribbings and happy ramblings of the past week’s events were a stark difference from the tense silences that occurred whenever he was forced home for a family meeting. Porsche tried to remember all the little stories he’d pried out of Kim, tried to find ways to bond even when it was difficult at the start and Kim was purposely being standoffish. Kim had felt genuinely surprised when Porsche said he’d listened to a podcast Kim had shyly mentioned he was interested in weeks previously. After all, while he grew up most of his interests were discarded or pushed off to the side to make room for skills that would be beneficial to the Theerapanyakun’s. Kim hadn’t felt accepted in his own family in a long while, yet Porsche and Chay made him feel so at home in their own.
Kim doesn’t want to believe all that was a lie.
He doesn’t want to doubt his fiancé. Yet logic is telling him one thing and his heart is telling him another.
His silence only makes things worse. Kinn was already keyed up from the meetings before Prasong’s update, and so it’s no surprise that he turns the frustrations of the day onto Kim.
“Porsche was willing to sell you out to get cash, and yet you’re asking for his life to be spared? I never knew you were so soft, little brother.” Kinn says mockingly.
Kim remains quiet.
“You’re upset your fiancé is going to be mad? Fine, we’ll only kill Porsche in a week, once we have the information he was willing to sell delivered to Prasong. Perhaps then you’ll be able to realize just what a traitor that man is.”
Kinn continues, and there’s something unhinged in his expression.
“You might want to re-examine your relationships, little brother. Can’t have two members of the family letting moles into to the house. Don’t worry. If it turns out they’re both sellouts, I’ll give you the honour of killing them both yourself.
Kinn is being unnecessarily cruel, and Kim doesn’t really know why. But his words do register.
Chay
What’s he going to tell Chay, if he isn’t a mole and Porsche is killed.
What’s Kim going to do, if Chay is and Kim has to stand by as they both are.
He doesn’t think he can kill either of them.
He doesn’t think he’ll even be able to watch.
Father would make him watch though, to remind him how reckless he was to bring outsiders to the family.
It’s what he did to Kinn after all, and between them all, everyone knew Kinn was his favourite.
Kinn continues to speak, and Kim only watches as Tankhun finally moves and drags Kinn’s attention off of him after observing Kim for a moment longer.
The conversation topic moves onto contingency plans where Kinn tells the bodyguards what’s going to happen and Tankhun yet again pretends he’s not listening. Moves away from Porsche, from the deal, from Kim’s fuckup.
Kim only comes back to awareness as Porsche’s name is being said once more.
“Porsche is here, and he’s heading for this room.” Pete says, standing at the entrance to the study, face sombre.
The other man actually got along with Porsche.
Kinn breathes in, face almost a snarl. He moves to grab his gun, to order the rest of guards to do the same but Tankhun stops him with a wave of his hand and a smile.
“Not yet, everyone knows the final arc hasn’t commenced.”
Usually, Tankhun doesn’t interfere with family business. His involvement is uncharacteristic enough that Kinn pauses in his action.
Pete’s words register in Kim’s brain.
Porsche is in the compound. About to be in a room with a man gunning to shoot him dead and ten of his bodyguards that will follow his any order. And Tankhun, who Kim isn’t sure about. Kim needs to stop this.
“The fucking audacity-” Kinn starts.
“The fucking audacity of what?” Porsche cheerfully says, walking into room.
Immediately, all ten bodyguards aim their weapons at him. Even Pete, after a moment of hesitation.
Porsche pauses. He watches them for a moment, calculating, before his smile comes back on.
“Wow, tough crowd. What made everyone so jumpy?”
Kim doesn’t know if Porsche realizes the danger he’s in.
“Whatever, that’s frankly not my problem.” Porsche says. “Hi Tankhun,”
When he doesn’t get his usual enthusiastic response from the oldest Theerapanyakul brother, Porsche's expression falters.
Still, he continues in the silence.
“Kinn,”
Porsche turns to Kim, ignores Kinn’s glare and walks over. Pretends not to notice as the guards follow his action.
“Kim!”
Porsche comes close enough to Kim and tilts his body so that the room’s view of Kim is obscured. Porsche looks at him for a handful of moments, glances him over as if searching for something. Then his face turns serious as he asks where Chay is.
Kim is put off by the sudden question.
“He’s at the campus…” Kim says cautiously. “Why?”
Porsche ignores the question. “Does he have his guards with him?” He asks intently.
Kim nods. Studies Porsche as a flash of relief goes across his face before he dons that cheerful expression once more.
“Great! Well then,”
He turns to face the rest of the room.
“All of you that aren’t needed here can get out. We have wedding details to discuss, and since my little brother isn’t available today, I’ve come along.”
The guards remain in their positions. Kinn finally speaks.
“We were in the middle of meeting.”
Porsche raises his eyebrows. He pointedly looks at Tankhun, Kinn, Kim, and then gestures at the ten men pointing guns at him.
“This doesn’t seem like much of a meeting. And I know the last one finished ten minutes ago, I checked. Now, we’re discussing wedding details.
Kinn grits his teeth. “Tankhun is in charge of the wedding."
“And I have something to discuss about it. I’m sure Tankhun won’t mind.”
Yet when Porsche looks toward Tankhun, the other man’s face is carefully blank.
“We have other important matters to discuss. We can deal with your issue later." Kinn sneers.
There's a moments pause. At the sign of no help from Tankhun, Porsche’s voice turns flat. Porsche had turned away from him to speak to the other two and so Kim can’t see much of his expression, but Kinn and Tankhun shift in their positions.
Porsche sits down at one of the free chairs without an invitation. Crosses his arms and tilts his head back.
Kim sees Kinn as his eyes track the line of Porsche’s neck. He watches as his brother catches himself, before noticeably becoming more irritated.
“I have a problem with the wedding right now. Would you like to address it now, as it is proper to do so, or is this a sign that Chay isn’t important to this family? Perhaps Chay would be better off in a place which is actually concerned about him.” Porsche asks casually.
This finally gets a new reaction from Kinn.
Because a family’s blessing doesn’t mean much anymore in the real sense, but it’s still considered rude and disrespectful to marry anyone without it. For such a large scale wedding as what Kim and Chay’s is sure to be, if word gets around that Porsche disapproved of his own brother’s fiancé, if nothing else it could cause a lot of gossip. About how Kim wasn’t able to please his in-laws, how the Theerapanyakul’s are unable to negotiate a peaceful union. It would paint the Main family as weak.
And Kim would lose Chay, and Porsche, and their weekly dinners and movie nights and easy comfort. Because Kim loves Chay, and thinks that Chay loves him back. But Chay also loves Porsche and if Porsche forced him to choose between the two of them, Kim knows he won’t be the first choice.
Kinn seems to realize the same thing.
“Very well,” he says, tone even but emotions hardly that considering the dark look in his eyes. “We can discuss your wedding issues now.”
Porsche’s shoulders seem to lose some of their tension, but his voice remains in that same flat tone as he speaks.
“I have a problem with the security detail. In the spirit of impartiality, they don’t need to be here to hear this.”
Kinn stares at him, incredulous. Porsche only stares back.
Finally, Kinn grits his teeth. “Leave.” He says to the guards.
The rest file out after a moment of hesitancy. Big, Arm and Chan stay behind. One guard for each brother. Porsche glances at them for a moment, but Kim doubts they’d leave even if ordered to.
Before Porsche can say anything, Kinn speaks. “They stay.”
Porsche tilts his head in acknowledgement. He waits until the room is empty, watches with a critical eye until the door is shut, waits several seconds after then until the guards are well away. Then Porsche switches his gaze and stares Kinn down for a few moments.
Kinn spreads his arms, gestures. “Well?”
Porsche only looks back at him, something unreadable flashing across his normally open face. He eventually moves to grab something from the bag he’d brought with him, one Kim had only noticed as Porsche began to reach for it.
At the first sign of movement from Porsche, Kinn tenses as Arm moves to stand in front of Tankhun and Chan swiftly brings his weapon up and aims.
Porsche pauses, glances at all of them. There’s something else in his voice as he speaks.
“You guys are very jumpy today.” He comments before continuing to reach for what he brought.
He turns his gaze onto Arm, Chan, Big, before moving onto Tankhun and Kinn. Finally, his gaze reaches Kim, and something in his eyes shifts.
He places the folder he’d gotten from his bag into the table. Flips it open.
“You guys,” Porsche starts. “have a mole.”
The rest of the room stares at the folder.
Kim looks at face on top page. A picture of Prasong stares back at him.
Porsche speaks normally, but that strange note to his voice is still present. He taps the photo.
“Prasong over here came to the bar today. Asked after me by name, told me I’d get 500,000 Baht if I gave him Kim’s schedule for the next few weeks. I told him I’d only get to know it by next Monday, and he went on his merry way after a handful of threats.” Porsche says, voice carefully casual.
Kinn, for once, has nothing to say.
“I took the money, of course. It would be easier to go along with it than tip him off.”
Porsche takes a deep breath, speaks again.
“Now.”
Porsche’s voice shifts once more, the controlled neutrality drops off, and Kim suddenly realizes the emotion that he noticed, that he couldn’t quite discern, that seemed so out of place, was anger.
Kim finally looks up from the folder.
Porsche looks pissed.
“Someone please tell me, why the fuck does some random guy know where I work, or that I know the Main family. That I’m close enough to know Kim. Why did you not inform me about this leak? None of you look surprised at this. Why wasn’t I told about a threat to Chay’s safety?”
“And why,” Porsche’s voice turns dangerous, eyes glinting with a darkness Kim hadn’t seen before from the other man. Porsche leans in, fixes his eyes on Kinn.
“Why does he work for you?”
Silence rings out for several moments.
Porsche finally speaks once more.
“Someone tell me something now. Or I’m going to punch Kinn.”
Big makes a sound.
“You wouldn’t get close enough before we shoot you.”
Porsche turns to look at him. And Kim sees that he’s different from usual, the way he holds himself, the way he’s eyeing Big up.
Porsche only raises his eyebrow and smiles with none of his usual amiability.
“Are you sure about that?” Porsche questions softly.
Kim becomes unsettled from Porsche’s uncharacteristic behaviour.
“Porsche.” He tries.
Porsche turns his gaze onto him. Watches him in a way that makes him feel dissected.
“Did you guys know about this leak? Yes or no.”
Kinn finally speaks.
“Yes.”
Porsche switches to to look at him. Stares for several seconds.
“How many people know about Kim and Chay. About my connection to either of them. And why wasn’t I informed of this.”
Kinn watches him slowly once more. And now there’s something different in his expression. Hunger, if it could be called that, desperation, though Kim doubts his own observation.
Just as Porsche is about to lose his patience. Kinn seems to come to a decision and speaks.
“So far, we believe only around 30 people know about Kim and Chay. Those people are mainly organising the wedding with Tankhun, or are house hands that work around the compound. This is excluding Kim and Chay’s detail, which consists of 10 men each. The same amount of people should know about you.”
Porsche waits for the rest of his questions to be answered.
Kinn swallows. And Kim watches as Porsche is momentarily distracted by the bob of Kinn’s throat.
“As for your last question. Up until now, we thought you might have been a mole.”
Porsche's brows furrow in confusion for a moment before realisation strikes.
His eyes narrow. “You fucker.”
Chan twitches from his position.
“You set me up.” Porsche’s lips curl.
Kim finds himself speaking up. Surprised at his action, Kinn and Tankhun look towards him.
“We didn’t know if you could be trusted. A lot of people can be bought with money.” He tries to explain. He isn’t really sure why he feels the need to.
But Porsche only scoffs.
“500,000 baht isn’t enough to deal with your fucking family. And I’ll cut off my own arm before I do anything that can endanger Chay.”
Arm speaks up. Asks a question that’s been bothering Kim since Porsche laid the folder down onto the table.
“Why didn’t you come directly to us when they made the offer. And why didn’t you decline it?”
Porsche’s face twists with irritation.
“500,000 Baht is a fucking lot. And declining the offer would have done jack shit in helping find out who gave it.”
Porsche jerks a thumb at the file. “Three hours didn’t do shit either, but I figured out that they work for you, among other information. Might have helped in dealing with them later on if you guys weren’t bastards and it was a legitimate offer. I’m keeping the money, by the way. Consider it payment for putting up with your bullshit.”
That brings about more questions than it answers. Because Porsche doesn’t say how he managed to find out Prasong works for the Main family, how he was able to get quite a sizable amount of information, considering the thickness of the file, in just three hours. How he managed to lie convincingly enough to not tip off Prasong.
Yet all Kim can feel right now is relief, because his trust was not misplaced, and guilt, because Porsche looks pissed and disappointed and part of it is Kim’s fault.
But Chan speaks up before Kim is able to voice any of his thoughts.
“Why didn’t you give them the info. You knew Kim’s schedule and it’s not like Chay would have been in danger.’
It’s a valid question.
Porsche stares blankly at Chan before he laughs with no humour.
His expression flattens once more.
“If Kim is in danger, then Chay is in danger. If someone knew about me, then they know about Chay. Which means a mole is in this family. Which means my brother isn’t safe. What other reason do you want?”
Porsche finally seems to lose whatever patience he had. He turns to Kinn.
“Is this mole related to Chay?
“No.”
Kinn still continues watching Porsche, and there’s yet another emotion in his eyes, one Kim hasn’t seen before. It almost seems like intrigue.
“And he isn’t in any danger?”
“No.”
Porsche absorbs this, nods once. Then he claps his hands, ignores the ripple that it sends across the room.
“Well then, my job here is done. I’m getting the fuck out of here.”
Porsche gets up to leave. He pauses.
“Keep in mind.” Porsche says. And his voice is silken soft as he stares directly into Kinn. “If it turns out Chay was in danger, and you guys didn’t tell me.”
Kinn only watches back, and that familiar hunger is back in his expression.
“Not only will I revoke my blessing and say exactly why to anyone who asks. I will kill as many of your people as I can before you put me down yourself.”
On that note. Porsche starts to walk out.
“That’s it?” Kinn asks.
Porsche stops. “That’s what?”
“You’re not curious about the mole?”
Porsche turns back around. He still has a little furrow on his face, mouth pressed into a thin line. When he speaks, Kim can still tell he’s pissed.
“Chay isn’t in any danger. You guys can do whatever the fuck you want in your little mafia family as long as he’s safe. Fuck if I care.”
He continues on his way.
“Porsche,” Kim calls out again.
This time, Porsche turns to Kim. He can’t be any less angry than before but looking at him, Kim sees no trace of that anger directed towards him.
“Yes?”
Kim feels strange. Even though it seems like Porsche is okay with him, he doesn’t want Porsche to leave angry at him. Or disappointed. Kim’s voice comes out questioning.
“Can I speak with you?”
Porsche seems taken aback by the question, glances briefly at their audience, then nods.
At his nod, Kim walks towards Porsche and gestures for Big to stay back when the guard moves to follow. Both Tankhun and Kinn watch him, but Kim easily ignores them.
After Kim reaches him, Porsche nods once more, and continues his way of the room.
They leave.
“Well?”
Porsche had followed Kim into one of the spare conference rooms in the compound. Kim chose this one because it had the least chance of being bugged, and was far enough away from Kinn that the chance of them being overheard is minimized.
With every step further from Kinn and the others, Porsche lost a bit of the tension that had been all to apparent in his frame. When the other man had turned to face Kim after they’d both entered the room and locked the door, he seemed almost back to normal. At least the normal that Kim was used to. Still, Porsche remained the slightest bit on edge, a small furrow in his forehead as he waited for Kim to say something. It makes Kim uncharacteristically hesitant to speak.
“I’m sorry.”
Porsche looks up at him, his forehead creasing even further.
“For what?” Porsche looks confused.
But that could be Kim reading him wrong, and instead Porsche wants him to be more clear with his words. Kim has gotten all too used to admitting his mistakes when giving an apology.
“I’m sorry for putting Chay in danger.” He clarifies.
Porsche breathes out a sigh. Kim’s shoulders rise involuntarily.
Porsche swipes a hand down his face.
“It’s fine, Kim.”
Kim doesn’t know if this is an empty platitude or if the other man is truly okay with the day’s occurrences. He has to make sure.
“Are you- Are you going to revoke your support of our relationship?” Kim asks, cautious.
Kim doesn’t want to know the answer. But if Porsche does, it’s well within his right. And Kim will have to stand by as he loses both Chay and Porsche.
Yet Porsche only looks at him, brows furrowed in surprise.
“No?” When Kim releases his breath, Porsche becomes even more concerned.
“Kim,” he says. “You know I lied right? In the room.”
The sudden change in topic confuses Kim even more.
“I- what?”
Porsche steps closer to him.
“About why I didn’t take Prasong’s offer.”
“Kinn shouldn’t hear you say that.” Kim says automatically.
“Fuck Kinn.”
That surprises a laugh out of him.
Porsche clarifies. “Even if selling out your schedule didn’t put Chay in any danger, I still wouldn’t do it.”
Kim doesn’t understand.
He says as much.
Porsche glances at him for a couple of moments, as if searching for something. After a while his mouth tips up into semi-smile. It softens the lines on his face, a sharp difference from the anger plain on his expression previously. Porsche looks both amused, and somewhat sad.
“Wow. I don’t know if this is a rich people thing or a mafia thing.”
Kim’s shoulders hunch further at his words. He doesn’t know if that’s an insult or not. And he doesn’t know what to do to set this right.
Porsche notices, and he softens his tone.
“Kim, answer a question for me?”
Kim nods.
“Chay is my little brother. You are dating him, and you’re going to marry him soon.”
Porsche smiles at Kim’s involuntary grin from his words.
“If you’re going to marry my little brother, then what does that make you?”
Porsche words the question carefully, and from his expression Kim can tell that he isn’t necessarily looking for a correct answer. Still, while Kim doesn’t understand what Porsche is trying to achieve he wants to get this right, so he replies with the most straightforward answer.
“Your little brother’s husband?”
Porsche stares at him. Then he realizes Kim is serious and facepalms.
“I don’t know what to say. But considering there’s only one person in your family with emotional intelligence and that person is Tankhun, I should have expected this.”
His words again sound like an insult, but Porsche’s tone is one that usually appears when he teases Kim and Chay. Which means that the statement was a joke. Subconsciously, Kim relaxes.
Porsche continues.
“No, you idiot. That makes you my little brother as well.”
His words register.
“What?” Kim says without thinking.
Porsche throws a pointed look at him.
“C’mon, I’ve known you for six years. You visit my house every Saturday and I keep your fancy Akha Ama coffee in the cupboards for you. “
“Akha Ama isnt fancy, it tastes better than anything else!” Kim argues.
Porsche looks at him.
“You tell me about the books you read and complain to me about Chay when he annoys you. You come over to the house even when Chay is busy, and sometimes you visit the club during my time off. The fact that you know when I have my time off says enough. You even have your own coffee cup and sofa spot in my house.”
Porsche’s voice gentles.
“I know you like eating Panang when you’re upset, because it reminds you of your mother. You make Chay his hot chocolate when he can’t sleep at night and stay awake with him. You take Chay away every February’s end, because you realized I need to be alone during that time. You’ve wormed your way into our home and lives since the day we first met.
“Kim, Chay may be marrying into your family in a few months, but you’ve long since been part of ours.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh. I didn’t accept the offer because while I’m unsure on Tankhun, and Kinn can go fuck himself, selling out your schedule could have hurt you. I lied because I doubt your brothers know how close we are and if it isn’t something you want to tell them yourself, they don’t need to know about it.”
Kim stays silent, processing.
Porsche looks at his watch, and then he frowns, expression guilty.
“Sorry Kim, I’ve got to head back to the bar. I ditched early cause of everything and it’s already shortstaffed. Will you be fine if I leave now?”
Kim nods.
“Alright. I’ll see myself out. Remember dinner’s at my place today. Okay?”
Kim nods again, and Porsche smiles at him before he starts to make his way towards the door.
And Kim feels he has to show Porsche his gratitude in some way. For not selling him out, for protecting him and Chay, for welcoming him into his home and family when he’d been estranged from his own, for staying with him after he’d found out about Kim’s ties to the Main family.
But he doesn’t know how. So he tries something new.
“Thank you, Phi,” Kim calls out.
The word feels strange on his tongue. He doesn’t think he’s called anyone Phi in several years. When he was little he would use it to address Tankhun and Kinn, but as they grew older and into their roles in the family the familiar addresses stopped, alongside their good relationship.
But Kim thinks back to Porsche’s words, recalls his own experiences, and he can admit to himself that Porsche deserves the title.
Porsche pauses, and for once Kim can tell he’s genuinely surprised. Kim’s nervous of Porsche’s reaction, but the older man only smiles, the kind he only seems to direct to Chay, and now that Kim thinks about it him as well. Porsche comes close to him, lifts his hand to ruffle his hair and Kim instinctively leans into it.
In the middle of the action Kim realizes it’s been a long time since he’s been uncomfortable with Porsche making any sort of movement towards him. That Kim’s used to his hair ruffles, the casual arm Porsche slings across his shoulders, the tight hugs he receives at the beginning and end of his visits to their home.
Kim doesn’t think he’s received as much easy affection from anyone except Chay since his mother died.
Porsche finishes his hair ruffle, and then leaves his hand on his head.
Kim feels oddly comforted, warm.
“I prefer-” Porsche starts, and Kim tenses for a moment but Porsche only smiles further.
Porsche smiles, eyes crinkled in happiness and something soft in expression, and Kim relaxes.
“I prefer Hia.”
Kim takes that in. All the things said and unsaid in that statement.
“Hia,” he tries.
“Kim,” Porsche says.
They both bask in the moment for a while.
Then Porsche’s phone rings and he scrunches his face as he looks at Kim apologetically.
“Ah, gotta go. Meet you for dinner tonight. Bye, see you.” Porsche says all in one breath and after a giving Kim a quick squeeze he’s out of the room.
Kim stays behind. Thinks for a while.
Porsche considers Kim as a younger brother.
Porsche didn’t accept the offer not just because of Chay, but because of him as well.
Porsche allowed Kim to call him Hia.
Huh.
Kim smiles.