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winter in hawkins was dreary at best. but currently, it was downright depressing.
eddie enjoyed winter in his old town. in those times, it snowed; the ground would be blanketed in white as he watched santa slashers from the big cabinet his uncle had of vhs tapes. but in hawkins, just like everything else, winter was the worst you could imagine. blistering cold accompanied with hail and sleet, no snow allowed. on the rare occasion snow would fall, it never stuck, and on the even rarer occasion that it did stick it would be washed away by the next morning.
this winter, though, the first one after vecna, eddie can't even bring himself to wish for snow.
times have never been so hard for him. the door to his trailer stays locked unless his uncle opens it for a visitor, which he often has. regularly it's dustin, mike, will and lucas. occasionally robin and nancy, and rarely steve.
his bedroom typically stays shut, apart from the occurrence of steve tapping on his door. it isn't too often he comes by, at least not anymore. he drives the kids still, but he doesn't come alone like he used to and eddie wants nothing more than a quiet smoke with him.
today is one of those rare days.
eddie lay quietly, facing the wall. he listens to the footsteps shuffling outside his door and waits for the knocks.
tap tap tap.
"go away." eddie grumbles, burying his face into the pillow he holds in a lazy grip underneath his head.
"it's me, munson."
eddie stills at the voice that rings through the door.
"can i come in?"
eddie sighs, curling further into a ball. "sure, yeah. its open."
the door creaks lightly as steve steps in. eddie hears it click shut and feels the bed sink. he flips over, sitting up on his elbows.
"bum one?" steve smiles, gesturing to the pack of cigs on eddie's side table.
"have at it." eddie sits up further, hunching over as he plucks a cigarette from the pack and sticks it between his lips. he grabs a lighter too, flicking it on. it sparks and goes out. he flicks it again, and again before steve pulls another out, switching it on and leaning over eddies lap to light it. eddie's eyes stray from the flame and over steves hands, his lips and his eyes.
it didnt use to be a secret eddie munson is gay. when he moved to small, rural hawkins though, his uncle sat him down and told him the bitter truth. now, hes not subtle, but he never explicitly says it. no one has the mind about them to actually realize that his jokes have substance, so yet again it lies deep in his chest, a heavy notion that may never actually leave his mouth. his gay code for himself: he will never fall for a straight guy. but steves caring gazes and smiles dont count. hes just happy to have someone care for him. but the way steve never comments on his matted hair, how his under eyes are purple and blue from lack of sleep, how hes probably seen him in that shirt every time hes come to check in. he just silently cares and tries to fix what he can. its just in his nature.
nothing gay about that.
so stealing glances at his build doesnt count.
eddie finally tears his eyes away from his face to inhale deeply from the cigarette. he clasps it between his shaking finger and thumb. he lets his head tip back, knocking it against the poster littered wall. eddie glances over when he hears a cough, smiling for the first time that week when steve doubles over in a coughing fit.
"hey, dont laugh! i just inhaled wrong!" steve giggles out between coughs. eddie only laughs harder.
eddie relaxes now, laughter dying down. he just smiles as steve finishes the wasted cig, stubbing it out in eddies ash tray.
"robin misses you." he sighs, flopping over onto eddies thighs. he immediately tenses up.
"then bring her by." eddie mumbles, tracing shapes on steves arm.
"you never let her in. you never let anyone but me in." steve looks up at eddie through dark clusters of lashes, mouth straightening into a tight line. eddies hand drops, looking down shamefully and fiddling with the one ring he always kept on. the rest lie in a small dish on his side table, and suddenly he is incredibly interested in tracing the swirls on it with his eyes.
steve sighs heavily. "its getting warm again, you know. if you opened your window every once and a while, youd notice the leaves. theyre green again." eddie smiles at this. he knows the window comment isnt a stab at his depression, only the fact that he is basically a vampire. he hates natural light and all that.
steve heaves out another sigh. its really starting to get on eddies nerves. "can i brush your hair?" steve asks tentatively, mumbling into eddies sweatpants. eddie stares at the ceiling, willing with everything in him that he wont just double over and kiss him. who said that? not eddie!
"alright." steve shoots up, walking over to his bag and getting out a brush and some detangler. "this works wonders," he says, tossing the can in the air and fumbling on the catch. eddie stifles a laugh. "even works on dustins hair." steve winks.
eddie scoots forward, tensing noticeably when steve sits behind him with his thighs pressed against eddies. he doesnt have to move to see steve's white socks and if he leaned back hed be against his chest and oh my god its most certainly all a little much but he just moves his head back and sits up straight when hes was told, tilts this way and that until the taller boy, smile audible, announces his handiwork complete.
eddie smiles softly at him, steve now leaning around to see him from the front. "its super fluffy, isnt it?" eddie chuckles, already knowing itd end up like this.
"yeah. oops." he shrugs and musses up his hair. eddie tries to duck away but to no avail, and just falls back on the small bed.
"you should shower." steve says, sitting down next to him again. eddie grumbles. "you brushing my hair was enough."
steve lets out a breathy laugh. "fine. can i do your laundry?" eddie sits up on his elbows. "why are you being so nice to me?" he cringes. it came out way sharper than he intended, when in reality his walls are just high. steve knows this, but still didnt expect that kind of response and draws back. "i just want to help, man. i care." eddie scoffs. steve looks incredulous, taken aback by the sudden outward aggression. "what?" eddie pinches his brow.
"you never come around anymore, man. the only times i see you is with the kids. you know i cant handle them. and you know i let you in. but you still stayed away. i needed someone. i cant believe im fucking admitting this, but i needed you. only you understood what to do. you always do." eddie looks down at the ground now, burning holes in the floorboards.
"are you fucking serious?"
eddie's head shoots up, staring blankly at the fire in steve's eyes.
"of course i give a fuck about you. i wanted to be here, believe me, but if you think you're the only one who's traumatized then go fuck yourself. not only have i had every single one of those goddamn kids to care for, i also had robin, nancy, and god forbid, myself. how dare steve harrington take a breather when he just got fucking eaten alive by demon bats that tried to choke him to death! or, how about, we make him parent five children through a fucking supernatural phenomenon that almost kills them all while he dually has to parent himself through his entire senior year and on. oh, and, hes working a full time job. and better yet: hes trying to figure out these weird things about himself hed never felt before! but oh, no. poor eddie has to have steve take care of him. this fully grown man! cant feed himself! without me!"
steves chest heaves from the effort with which he pushes the words out and his voice cracks slightly. eddie stares at him, big doe eyes shocked and slightly terrified. he blinks fast and his jaw clenches, the muscles in his neck flexing as he trembles. hes suddenly completely guarded, more so than steve has ever seen, not in his whole life. it's terrifying. he scrubs both hands over his eyes, letting out a frustrated and shaky breath.
"i think you should go." eddies voice is eerily level and low, his breathing quite the opposite; erratic and shaky, coming in quick puffs. his bottom lip quivers for a split second and he rubs his eyes and nose, disguising it as an action out of exasperation when he was just trying to prevent any tears falling. steve finally removes his hands from his eyes and looks at eddie. "i'm sorry, eddie i shouldn't have-"
"no, steve. you need to leave." his voice is icy, no indication that he had ever wanted him there in the first place. it shattered steves heart, despite it all. he couldn't place why, really, but in his desperation all he wanted was eddie to look at him.
"eddie, come on. im so sorry." steve took a step forward, stopping when eddie shifted away and his lashes fluttered again. his eyebrows furrowed slightly, causing a crease steve often noticed and even more often imagined smoothing over with his thumb.
fuck.
"eddie," steve starts, realizing that his silence is as good as he can get, "please. i'm so sorry. eddie, look at me." and he does.
and for the first time, steve sees him. i mean, really sees him.
and its terrifying.
steve drops to the floor in front of eddie, looking at the deep purple and blue bags under his eyes and the stubble growing on his chin. the way his eyes seem devoid of emotion, but how the rest of his face expresses sorrow and utter betrayal. steve looks down, seeing the trembling fingers bloody and torn from anxious habits, nails lacking any polish unlike how they used to be. eddie flexes them into fists, trying to cease the shaking to no avail. steve looks back into his eyes, finally placing the emotion eddie expresses so vehemently from the flutter of his lashes to his doe eyes.
hes scared.
scared of being alone. scared of rejection. scared of death and what comes after, scared of what came before and everything in between. hes fucking terrified, more so than hes ever seen in any of the kids. steve isnt sure why; maybe him being older, he got his world rocked a little more. but all that is shown now is fear and utter exhaustion. and by god, he is fucking lonely.
how did it take him so long to realize?
steve stands up and sits down next to him, eddies head turning but not meeting his eyes. he looks everywhere but steves face, murmuring, "im sorry steve, i really am happy that you came. im not your job. im sorry." he whispers apologies over and over and steve quiets him, putting a hand on either side of his face. and that finally breaks eddie. he shudders out a sob, tilting his head down and trying to swallow the rest of them, but it just results in some pathetic gasping and choking. steve runs a reassuring thumb across his cheek, making eddie lose control and bawl into steves palm, turning his head and pressing a kiss filled with gratitude to the heel of his hand. steve smiles sadly, placing a hand behind eddies neck and pulling him into his chest. he can feel tears soaking through his polo, and all eddie can sense is two strong arms wrapped tightly around him and soft circles being rubbed into his back and the scent of a musky cologne and the steady badum, badum, badum of steves heart. this only draws more sobs out of him.
theres a gentle rhythm to steves breathing, but eddies is still sharp and gasping, like hes being deprived of oxygen. steve tries to lean back to get him to relax, but eddie holds him steadfast; he cant let him leave, no, not yet. steve sighs, rubbing another bout of circles into eddies back.
"hey, man, youre gonna make yourself pass out. take a deep breath. slowly." eddie coughs out another sob before attempting a deep breath, shuddering and exhaling fast and hard. "i- i can't-" steve cuts him off. "you can. try again, okay? with me now." he breathes in exaggeratedly, making sure eddie is too. this time he is able to keep the breath in before exhaling slowly and steadily, at least not too shakily, through his mouth. he does another, and another, breathing along with steve. all the while steve is uttering soft "youre okay"s and "ive got you"s and "youre safe here, ill protect you"s. that last one gets eddie, and he relaxes immensely into steve. steve sighs and toys with eddies curls, frizzed out from the brushing and no longer matted. eddie pulls back and looks up at him, his big brown eyes ringed with red and swollen, cheeks blotchy. and steves never seen anyone look at him with so much love, and he doesnt know what to do with his hands anymore. he settles for eddies waist.
he realizes belatedly that in eddies panic, hed clung steadfast to steve; including wrapping his legs around him. he sits heavy on steves lap now, slumped so low that even with him being roughly the same height and the added inches from steves thighs under him, eddie still looks up at him through dark and clustered lashes. that does something funny to steves heart, and now its beating erratically and hes suddenly red all over. eddie just places his hands on steves cheeks, resting his forehead against the latters. his eyes close and he lets out a sigh that sounds like it was released from the pits of his stomach. a small smile stretches across his lips, and steve cant help but imagine how soft they must be.
and then he feels them on his own.
hes not sure who lent in, but if eddie hadnt, he wouldve. he grips eddies hips in a vice, like if he lets go for just a moment, hell slip away. eddie mumbles apologies and thank yous and sometimes just little content noises, pulling steve so hard into him that steve could feel his teeth when he spoke. it wasnt perfect; it was sloppy and teary, but neither of them would change a thing. steve realizes quickly how he feels. he likes the way girls hips sway when they walked, and how their tits sit soft and perky on their chest. he likes how their hair tumbles in waves around their faces and their eyes are always big and dewy. but really, most of those eddie munson had.
his lips arent as sticky as girls, but just as velvety, and his fingers are tipped off with rough callouses instead of petite, perfectly painted nails. his hair tumbles the same and his eyes blink back at steve, big and round, whenever he speaks. his hips still sway, jaunty and confident and all of a sudden steve realizes how much he really missed eddie. he slowly registers that he really, really likes boys. specifically the one kissing him.
fuck.
eddie pulls back, his hands still gripping steves face and his forehead still pressing against the others. theres a beat of silence from the two, both of them staring awestruck at the other. its soft, and its sweet, and its more than perfect.
eddie let steve do his laundry.