Chapter Text
Kihyun is no stranger to coughing. He’s often clearing his throat and coughing to rid himself of that little tickle that comes and goes.
The other members all agree that if you hear someone clearing their throat in the bathroom, it’s 100% Kihyun.
Kihyun isn’t sure when it all began. His parents tell him that his throat has always been sensitive like that. Even as a kid, he was walking around going “ahem” all the time.
Kihyun supposes it’s a result of his singing. Although he knows that other singers don’t face the same problem - none of the other members do it - he figures it must be a trait of his own.
He’s never really given it much thought. And when the pandemic happens and coughing becomes something to be feared, Kihyun tries his best to tone it down. It doesn’t really work because if he needs to cough, he’s going to cough.
When all the members end up sick, Kihyun fears for them all. A respiratory virus like that can ruin an idol’s throat and lungs. Changkyun in particular seems to have the worst symptoms. And although they end up recovering rather well and rather quickly, Kihyun can sense that they’re all a little more out of breath than usual. They’re not in their best condition, but they’ve already had to postpone their tour and their comeback and they’ll do anything to keep going as is.
Thankfully, their promotions and performances and tour go well without a hitch. When they return home, Changkyun's voice is gone and Kihyun swears he’ll force feed him medicine and lozenges to ensure that he recovers well. Changkyun takes good care of himself, but Kihyun still worries. His voice returns to normal.
Things settle down for a while. They have their own individual schedules here and there - they always keep busy - but they don’t have anything major for a while and can rest.
It’s during this time that Kihyun’s throat starts to hurt. It’s not the usual tickle or irritation that comes with covid. He wonders if he’s somehow gotten it again. He gets tested and it comes out negative. He consults his doctor and gets prescribed allergy medication.
For a while, it goes away and Kihyun thinks nothing of it.
But then it comes back with a vengeance.
-
They’re preparing for their comeback when Kihyun starts to notice that there’s something wrong with him. Their choreography this time around is just as difficult and tiring as their previous one, but for some reason he can’t even make it through the whole thing without needing to rest.
Even when balancing his solo promotions with their last comeback, Kihyun had gotten through it just fine, so he doesn't know what’s so hard about doing this choreo. It’s not even close to the level of difficulty as Fantasia, but for some reason Kihyun is out of breath by the time they’re in the second verse.
The others don’t seem to have any issues. They reassure him that it must be a bad day for him and that he’ll get it down the next time they have dance practice.
Kihyun doesn’t think about it too much and goes to bed.
The next day, he feels better and nothing seems out of the ordinary.
But then night comes and with it comes the coughing. He is fitting a workout in his day before he goes to bed and can't get through his usual reps. He is overwhelmed with an insatiable itch in his throat. He coughs and coughs and coughs until his lungs start to hurt. Tears start to form in his eyes and for the first time, Kihyun feels a sharp pain in his chest.
Even when he fractured his rib and then danced against his doctor's orders and the painkillers wore off, the pain wasn’t even close to what he is feeling now. He'd never been stabbed before, but he imagines that this is exactly what it feels like.
Eventually the coughing subsides and Kihyun collapses to the floor. He gives himself a moment to catch his breath and then gets up. When he gets to his feet, he feels dizzy. He sways a bit and the room starts to tilt. He manages to find his balance with eyes closed. He takes a few deep breaths and then slowly opens his eyes. The room isn't moving anymore so he gathers his things. He bundles himself into his sweater and makes his way back home.
When he gets back, he feels like his normal self. As much as he knows that there certainly isn't something right with him, he pushes those thoughts away and convinces himself that it’s just random. With a comeback quickly approaching, Kihyun doesn't have time to be unwell. He knows that's not how it works, but until it catches up to him, he is going to pretend like everything is fine. Fake it until you make it, right?
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Kihyun starts coughing up petals and that's when he knows for sure. It's a rare disease and little is known about it, but here's what everyone knows. When you suffer from unrequited love, often after a long period of time, it starts to manifest into a physical condition. The condition of flowers growing in your lungs. Symptoms include itchy and irritated throat, excessive need to cough or clear your throat, and shortness of breath. The condition worsens when you start coughing up petals. The next stage of progression is when the petals start coming out stained with your blood. Eventually you throw up entire flowers soaked in your blood. The flowers will grow and grow. They start to develop thorns that slice your throat on their way out and eventually they'll constrict your lungs and you'll stop breathing. And then you die.
The only known methods of curing yourself from this is through requited love or through surgery to remove the flowers. However, there's one major side effect: when you remove the flowers that grow for the person you love, all memories and feelings for that person will be removed along with them.
Kihyun has no idea how or why he has Hanahaki. He’s not in love with anyone. At least, not to his knowledge. He tries to find if there are other diseases that his symptoms could indicate, but there are none.
Confused, Kihyun tries to think if there’s anyone that he loves like that. He can’t come up with an answer. Kihyun has never been in love before. He’s liked people and dated them and even loved them, but he’s never been in love. So he has no idea how this could’ve happened.
It’s been a long time, Kihyun realizes, since he’s even shown romantic interest in anyone. The past few years, especially, Kihyun hasn’t even thought about his love life, too focused on his career. So much happened and none of it was easy. Relationships and desires for love were the last things on Kihyun’s mind.
But now it’s all he can think about.