Chapter Text
LOUIS POV
I roll over in bed as I hear my alarm going off. The thought of starting yet another school year makes me want to curl up into a ball and never leave my bed again. Two more years, I have two years left before I can escape. I sigh and reach out from under my flimsy blanket to turn my annoying alarm off. I then roll over and try to go back to sleep. I think I've gotten away with it before I hear my older brother Liam banging on my door.
"Louis, buddy get up" He yells as he bangs loudly.
I groan.
"Don't make me come in there Lou, I will pour more than just cold water on you this time" Liam yells as he walks away from my door.
Liam is my older brother by four years, it's just us two and my dad. Our mum left two years ago, she ran off with some guy she met and we haven't heard from her since, for all we know she could be dead. My dad didn't take her leaving him too well at all, he has turned into an alcoholic, he does drugs and gambles like there is no tomorrow. He has also become really abusive both emotionally and physically towards me. Liam is like the golden child, can never do anything wrong, but not me. According to my dad I'm a complete and utter looser who will never amount to anything. He always makes sure Liam isn't around when he rounds on me, he waits until I'm alone and then he abuses me. He constantly tells me I'm the reason that mum left and that I'm a worthless fag. When Liam is around though he just goes on and on about how amazing Liam is and how proud he makes him. Liam just smiles and nods and tries to tell dad about how well I'm doing at football and stuff but he never listens, just tells Liam that I'll never be as good at football as him.
Liam is a great brother and I trust him more than anything, he only sticks around home because of me. He won't leave me alone with dad, he knows what dad does to me. Liam would never hurt me and is always looking out for me. When mum first left, dad would just abuse me emotionally but ever since I came out as gay a year and a half ago, dad has been getting physical with me. Hitting, pushing, punching and kicking me to name a few. He has given me some really bad beatings and sometimes he lets his friends join in too. There have been a few close calls where I've needed medical attention, Liam is always good at giving the hospital an excuse though and they haven't asked any questions so far. Liam is never around when it happens dad makes sure of that, but Liam knows what goes on and he always looks after me and makes sure I'm okay when he gets home.
Liam is in his last year of university and has lots of good friends, he decided to stick around Doncaster to go to uni so I wouldn't be left alone. He is studying law and has big plans for after he graduates, he will do great things, I know it. Liam has been talking to a lawyer about getting custody of me so we can move out and be safe as there are still two years before I can legally move out by myself. Dad would never let me and Liam move away together now, as much as he hates me, being his punching bag seems a more filling role for me in his eyes. He also doesn't see what he does as wrong, he thinks it's completely justified to beat the shit out of me because I'm worthless and fags should be taught a lesson.
I roll reluctantly out of Bed, which is really a dingy mattress on he floor and change into my old black skinny jeans that are far to big because they are Liam's hand me downs and a navy blue T-shirt. I never have new clothes, we don't have much money. Dad threw his job in when mum left and just lazes around with his mates all day smoking and drinking. Our house Is a complete dog box and in complete disrepair. Liam and I are pretty much left to look after ourselves and although Liam makes sure I'm okay and I'm clothed, he also has a life. He is 21 and popular, he has a girlfriend Sophia and a best mate named Zayn and not to mention lots of study to do. Zayn is always around Liam and is a really nice guy too, he looks tough but inside he is a complete softy, well when it comes to me anyway. Zayn is also gay like myself and knows how hard it can be with homophobic parents. Zayn has become involved with my best friend Niall and they are pretty serious about each other. They are really cute together and I hope I can be as happy as they both are with someone, someday.
I finish putting my warn out red vans on with a little difficulty as my ribs are still sore from the beating I received last night and I walk out of my room and into the kitchen. Liam is rummaging through the fridge while Zayn is scrolling through his phone at the table. I go over to the kettle and turn it on, tea is about the only thing there ever is for breakfast.
"Morning Lou" Zayn says smiling at me when I walk in.
"Morning Z" I smile back as I prepare my tea.
"Lou, no food again I'm sorry bud. I haven't made it to the grocery store yet" Liam says.
"It's fine Li, I'll go this afternoon" I tell him.
"That would be great, I have a lecture and then practise this afternoon" He tells me.
Liam and I both play football but Liam is on the university team so we train on different nights,Liam only plays for fun though, as a hobby. Me on the other hand, football is my life! It's definitely something I am really passionate about and I would love to make a career out of it if I could. I guess it's my way of escaping everything, on the field I feel free and invincible. When I'm playing football I'm happy, it's also something I'm actually good at. My grades aren't all that crash hot and I fall behind a bit but with football I excel.
Nobody but Zayn and Niall know what goes on inside our home, that our dad is an alcoholic and abuses me. If the school ever found out, Liam and I would be split up and I would be put into foster care away from him and neither of us want that. If Liam can get these custody papers sorted and lodged he can legally file for parental rights. Apparently Liam has to prove he can financially support both of us, as well as creating a safe environment for me which is proving quite hard.Until then, we just have to stick this shit situation out.
Liam has a job three nights a week at a law firm as an intern and I work Saturday and Sunday's and some afternoons after school at the local cafe, my boss is an absolute asshole but we need the money. We don't make much, but enough to keep some food on the table and the power and electricity on, so we can't complain. We never have enough money for new things, I would never whinge about it though and it sounds so selfish to even say, but all my friends at school have the newest phones, shoes, clothes and video games and it's just hard not to wish I had the same too. I don't even own a video game console and I have a shitty phone that is about four years old and Liam's old iPod for my music. Liam saved up for his iPhone and when he can, he will slip me some extra cash so I can go to a movie with Niall or buy new underwear if I need it. It completely sucks but it's all we have and I guess there are plenty of people more worse off than me.
I smile back at Liam.
"I only have £10 pounds left this week though, so I won't get lunch today" I say.
"Sorry Lou, I only have enough for gas for the next two days to get us to and from uni and school until I get paid" Liam says apologetically.
"It's fine Li, I'm used to it" I say.
"You shouldn't be fucking used to this shit Louis, your only just 16 for fucks sake. You shouldn't have to deal with all this" Liam says upset. He rubs his hands over his face in frustration.
"Li, please stop it. You have had to deal with it all too, it's not like looking after your younger brother is fair either is it" I tell him.
"I will always look after you Louis" he says sincerely to me.
"I know Li and I appreciate it, I really do, I'm just sorry you have too" I say giving him a slight smile.
He smiles back at me.
"Does dad have any coins in his coin jar?" I ask.
"I'm not sure, but do we want to risk that Lou?" Liam asks sceptically.
"I'm going to get hit anyway Liam, I may as well make it for something worth while" I tell him as I walk over to the kitchen cupboard and take down dads money stash for his alcohol and cigarettes.
Before I can take anything out though Zayn pipes up.
"Louis, let me give you some money please, don't take it from that jar. I really don't want anything worse to happen to you, please just take this" Zayn says handing me a £20 note.
"Zayn, I don't feel comfortable taking this, we don't need it anyway, we will be fine" I say trying to give it back.
"Listen guys you know my parents pay for all of my expenses and my university. I won't miss £20 please just take it. I know what your dad is capable of and I'm not okay with provoking him...please" Zayn says.
I look towards Liam who sighs and nods his head, giving me permission to take the money.
"Thanks Zayn" I say quietly as I look down.
"I'll pay you back in two days Z" Liam says matter of factly.
"I know Li,but you really don't have too" he says.
I stuff the money in my pocket and finish making and drinking my tea. We then all head out to Liam's beat up old Corolla and get in, Liam and Zayn riding shot gun and me in the back. I'm not really looking forward to another year of school work but I am looking forward to getting away from the house and playing football and also hanging with Niall. Niall and I have been best friends since the first day of high school, we hit it off straight away and we both came out at the same time last year. Our group consists of just the two of us but we aren't picked on or bullied, we are actually liked by a lot of people and being gay has never been an issue for anyone. I'm also the only junior to ever make the senior football team, I'm such a good player the coach made an exception and insisted that I play at the senior level. I was stoked to be completely honest and the whole team took me under their wing. They are the nicest group of guys and treat Niall and I like little brothers, I know if I ever needed help with anything I could go to them and they would drop everything for me. Again though no one knows about what happens behind closed doors, I keep up a facade at school about finances and about our loving father and never mention or let on that anything is wrong at home.
We pull up to the school and Liam and Zayn turn around In their seats to face me.
"Have a good day bud " Zayn says.
"Thanks Z" I tell him.
"Listen Louis, I'll be home about seven if football doesn't run late. Go to the grocery store straight after school and go straight to your room when you get home. I'll bring you some dinner so you don't have to come out once you're home okay" Liam tells me seriously.
Dad usually wanders home around 4pm and is always drunk and in the mood to hit me. If I can get into my room before he gets home he usually doesn't bother breaking the door in, he just yells and screams at me through the door. I hate it and his words pierce me every time, but it's better than being hit. I nod towards Liam.
"I know Li, don't worry I will be fine" I tell him smiling. I don't know if I believe that but there is no use worrying about it right now.
"Have a good day" he tells me.
"You too Li, love you" I tell him as I exit the car.
"Love you too Lou" he says.
I get out of the car and head towards my locker to meet Niall.
"Hey Tommo, come kick the footy around at lunch with the guys, bring Niall" Dax, one of the guys on the football team asks me as we pass in the hallway.
"Sure Dax, we will be there" I say smiling.
He gives me a pat on the back and continues walking to class. I was hoping to skip out on football today. I got a pretty big punch to the ribs last night from my dad and I needed a day to heal before I was out on the field, I just have to suck it up like usual I guess. I round the corner and see Niall waiting for me outside my locker. When he spots me his face lights up and he smiles.
"Morn'n Lou" he says brightly.
"Hey Ni" I say returning his smile.
"You okay today Lou? You look a bit tired" Niall says to me.
"I'm fine Ni I promise, haven't eaten since dinner last night which was just a piece of toast that's all" I say knowing I can't hide anything from Niall.
"Here Lou, I brought extra for you today anyway" Niall says handing me over a granola bar.
"Thanks Niall, I appreciate it" I say taking the bar from him and opening it eagerly.
Niall always brings me food when he can and will always share his lunch with me no matter what. I'm grateful to him for being there for me. I'm glad I don't have to hide anything from Niall. I think I would explode if I couldn't talk to someone about what goes on. Having to keep up a facade can get tiring and I'm just glad I can let it down when I'm around Niall,
"Any time Lou, hey did you hear we have a new maths teacher this year? Apparently he is really hot" Niall says.
"Really? hot? How can a maths teacher be really hot?" I ask laughing.
Niall just shrugs and laughs as we get walking to home room. Niall and I are in the same class and share the same subjects, he is pretty much a genius when it comes to school work and gets straight A's in every subject. Me on the other hand barely pass with C's.Math's is the exception though, I don't pass that subject at all. Niall tries his best to help me but I still just don't understand it. Liam doesn't really know I'm failing and dad doesn't give a shit, as long as I have football though I don't really care.
Niall and I drag ourselves from one class to the other and the day drones on. At lunch time we head across to the football fields to meet the team and play some football. I guess it's a good thing they like to play at lunch though, it distracts me from the fact I never have any food to eat and I don't like sponging off Niall every day. Niall doesn't play football, but instead cheers us on on the sideline as he stuffs his face with food, all Niall all seems to do is eat.
"Hey Louis mate, let's get a game going" Dax, yells at me from across the field.
I jog over to them all while Niall heads to the sideline where a few guys are eating lunch.
"Louis you're with me" Oli tells me when I get closer.
"No way Louis' with us" William says loudly causing me to laugh.
They argue for a while while I grab a ball and start warming up. My side is giving me some grief but nothing I can't handle. We don't end up playing a game the bickering about what team I'm on becoming to much, so we just find ourselves kicking the ball around and talking. By the time the bell rings for class I'm absolutely starving, I wish I had saved that granola bar for lunch. Niall and I head up to our final class of the day, maths and if I drag my feet a little more than usual no one has to know.