Chapter Text
it's been months. months since will byers had been in hawkins, months since he has seen his friends, months since his entire life was being controlled by a goddamn demon from another dimension.
and he's grown from it. learned from it, as much as you could learn from an experience like that, he supposes. maybe that entire thing was just a manifestation of what he feared the most: being truly, wholly, alone. but he likes to think that at some subconscious level, he had conquered something. okay, yeah, he had barely the slightest clue as to what exactly, but there was a part of him that felt lighter. more self assured. less scared. nevertheless, he misses the people there, the life he left behind, his friends, the quaintness and comfortableness of such a small, unimportant town...
but lenora was a new start.
for everyone, of course, but especially for him. his mom worked the day away, always trying to make things seem better than they were. it's not like they were struggling, at least not monetarily, but things were not being talked about like they used to be. blame it on the teen hormones or whatever. will found himself spending time in his room, more and more nights for more and more time. staring at the ceiling while listening to music. painting, sketching, while listening to music. working out while listening to music. doing school work while listening to- okay- yeah, you get it.
anyways. the familt dynamic of the byers, while physically close, had never felt so distant. at least to will. no one nor thing was to blame, he felt, a lot had happened within the last couple of years. maybe that was her way of coping-having lost bob and then losing hopper so shortly after- but will appreciated everything his mom did, even if sometimes it didn't help much. the intention was always the most important part of things to him.
jonathon had turned to smoking, which had stung a little at first, they had promised when will was very, very young that they would always go to each other during tough times, but he couldn't be too upset. times do change. people change, albeit never as much as one would thing. regardless, will can acknowledge that college admissions were stressful, the thought of the damn future can be stressful, the former was always jon's excuse, but he missed his brother, not the watered down, stoned version of him who barely bothered to come home sober. resentment, frustration, borderline anger were emotions that will had begun to harbor lately, but above all he was very grateful that his family was still here. a new addition, but still.
oh, el. they had grown closer this past year. obviously. they were all each other had many nights, and will hoped that it was as comforting to her as it was to him. they had talked a lot more than they ever had this past year, being fake siblings came with that he supposed, and there was a mutual trust that even most of his friends back home didn't have with him. he made a promise to himself one night, the night el cried to him about how she didn't feel like she fit in, no matter what people said or did. that she was always going to be different.
will empathized with that a lot, having grown up in a small town in indiana where boys didn't like boys and if you were anything other than what people wanted you to be you were already labelled as a queer. he remembered wishing he could be like his friends, mike, lucas, and dustin, so confident and unabashedly themselves in the face of any situation, but he always felt like he needed to be different in order for that to happen, and he was tired of trying to be sonething he is not. he understood el, or at least understood what she felt. and they talked, he never told her he was gay because that was sure to be accidentally repeated or alluded to and she probably didn't understand how bad that it would be if that got out. and it could lead to, well, other conversations. conversations he didn't feel like having, especially since el was perceptive enough to put the pieces together. while behind academically, his sort-of-sister was intelligent, more intelligent than he thinks a lot of people would want to admit. but he told her he understood her, that he was different too. not in the way she was, but he told her how he felt like no one would ever understand him, and how he felt like he could never have someone to rely on because he was so different.
and el didn't pry, for which he was thankful for. they just held each other and cried, neither of them speaking of it the next morning, just silently chewing their cereal as they listened to the birds chirp sweet songs of love and acceptance.
el had always been good at reading people. maybe she wasnt 100% accurate all the time, but she always knew when something was wrong with will, surprisingly more perceptive than he thought at first. and yeah, truthfully, will had never really stopped thinking about hawkins, his life back home, the stray cat outside of his neighbors' house, that shitty convenience store he would always pass by on his way home from dustin's, mike. he had written letters, not sent them- not the vast majority of them, never a thought that crossed his mind when he was in a right headspace- it would never be worth it. months and months had passed before he even got so much as a "hi" on the phone, so yeah, maybe he stopped trying, just to see what would happen. and that's when he came to the conclusion that even the closest friendships will fade, even ones you think would last forever. even ones where at a point, you were all each other had. ones that you would think could never weaken or fade because of how much you had been through together. friendships built on love.
love. what a silly word.
this silly word will had pondered on for years, what it meant to love. he loved his family. he loved his friends. he loved his first, and last, fish. all differently, though. will didn't love mike, no, some days he felt it was far deeper than that. something far beyond what they were taught in the books of the grand love stories, the cheesy romance films. they were each other's person. the moment will realized he was no longer needed in mikes life he felt as if his lungs had turned to dust, his heart becoming dry like a grape does on a hot summer day in the vineyards a couple blocks down. then he felt silence. a subtle melancholy followed by a feeling he could only describe as relief. a weight off his shoulders, one he became quite fond of, only to be replaced by something worse.
so, that is how it must be.
will had stopped calling, writing. never not thinking, but never trying, either. but mike never stopped writing for el.
and so it seemed to be routine, up until maybe a few weeks before mike was set to arrive in lenora. the predominantly sunny Saturday afternoons when mail was delivered had garnered a routine for will: he might be painting in his room, sketching in the clearing of the forest that was only a five minute bike ride from his house, mindlessly chewing on the saltwater taffy his mom had brought home days prior while daydreaming of what life could have been, might be, may never be. No matter what, though, around noon each Saturday, he would take a stroll out to his mailbox and carefully sift through the letters addressed to their residence, hoping for a letter bearing the recipient of a certain Will Byers. Spoiler alert, not once was the sender a certain Michael Wheeler.
will had happily kept up with dustin and lucas, not as much as he would have liked to, but he could understand that starting high school would lead any friends to drift slightly, never mind friends on opposite ends of the country.
mike was different, though, at least he was supposed to be.
and then it seemed like all of a sudden they were on their way to the airport, bad music blasting in an old car that smelled like weed and soap from the car wash. will had been working on something, his creative mind always working, and he was sure eleven, jane, could tell what it meant to him because he'd been slouched over a canvas all month, trying to get the details right, never letting anyone see it. he was handling it carefully too, anxious and particular over how it sat in the car, in his lap, how he touched it ever so gently as to not crumple the paper. this was something he felt warm and safe with when he looked at it. damn right, he was proud. he didn't make it for the mike today, though, he realized it was for the kid he used to be. the kids and maybe, just maybe, will thought he could rekindle this friendship that had become so sour. maybe not sour, but will felt as if everything was going to go to shit, and if he felt like that then he knew he was going to treat it like that...
which is usually the beginning of a self fulfilling prophecy. which he would most ardently be pleased to avoid, so. painting his feelings out. up. away. into the clouds and heavens above.
it was safe. it was home. it was a hug. a kiss on the cheek from his mom. like how it felt when the first warm ray of the sun touched his cold, half-dead cheeks in a long time.
when mike arrived, will felt the old feelings start to resurface and he wanted to get away for a second, just to recollect himself. he's not the scared teenager who left hawkins last year. he's grown, he knows it. grown taller, he carried himself better now, he fit into his shirts and his pants better than he had before, and he had grown to try and accept himself for how he was.
a stiff, awkward side hug was all he got in the end. and yeah, not surprising. better than he expected, honestly, but he wishes it was different. at that moment, he wished he had just swallowed his pride and sent mike a letter, talked to Mike a little longer, anything so that today could've been different. and as will watched el take the lead, and watched them walk side by side, he realized that he hadn't been getting over mike at all. he had just been pushing it down,ignoring it. what he had been doing for the last few years.
will sighed and clutched the painting at his side, glaring at it for a few moments before following the group. if jonathon saw he didn't say anything, just frowned and squeezed his shoulder. to his credit, that was more than what he had done these past few months, so will just gave him a half smile in return.
"hey, have fun today, yeah?" will gave a stiff nod of acknowledgement as he kept his head turned away from jonathon.
"of course, i mean," will shrugged. "it's spring break."
he had wished for some sense of normalcy for today just a week ago. this wasn't the normalcy he was talking about; having to pretend like he was alright with tagging along or being left out.
he took a deep breath and started forward, a better face on now. he'd be damned if he let this ruin his spring break, anyway. he was pretty sure he had been invited to a party anyway, just a few days from now. it's not like he had to spend the rest of spring break with... well, mike and jane.
it was going to be fine.