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"I know Hyacinthus, whom Apollo loved so madly, was you in Greek days." - Oscar Wilde
When Yeonjun steps foot into the dorms, it is with his shoes scattered carelessly by the entrance; with the back of his head nursing a headache and every bone and muscle dipped in a metaphorical tub of lemonade. With the clock by the kitchen telling him it is five minutes to one, and the cold wooden floor, the silence, the lack of anyone around the shared living areas. There is also an invisible something hanging onto his eyes, weighing on his shoulders, and everything feels so heavy.
It has been a shitty day.
Yeonjun isn't typically so pessimistic, he does not feel like reliving it just to explain it all either, but between him and the title track's choreography he has been struggling to create and get right for their upcoming comeback, and the newest rejection he has received from their higher-ups, he is seriously reconsidering his decision to choreograph. His head is tightening just thinking about it. So he tries not to, but it is rather counterintuitive, really.
His feet drags him across the corridor, through the sound of Odi's whirring wheel, silence from the maknaes' room, and light seeping out of the crack beneath Beomgyu's door.
He wonders why his boyfriend's still awake at this - to him - ungodly hour; especially when they are to be called awake before the crack of dawn to stock up on To-Do episodes tomorrow. But that's a question for later him to ask. For now, he hastily throws himself into the shower minutes after, turning the hot water all the way to its highest setting.
As steaming water hits his skin he finally lets out a sigh of relief; the knots pent up in his chest loosening just a little, and he feels like collapsing into sleep then and there, in the numbness of heat simmering his aching limbs.. maybe that is why they never got a bathtub installed in here. Had they been given one though, he thought, a grin catching up to his own imagination as he blows his hair dry - Soobin might just camp in there forever. Him and his contemplative showers and all.
The lights of Beomgyu's room has been turned off when he is walking back to his room. He thinks of sneaking in later to kiss him goodnight, maybe sleep with him if he hadn't taken over his whole bed already. But when he returns to his room, all fragments of today have been safely tucked away - his jacket hung, his phone charging by his bed, and his bag placed in its place. The lights are dimmed; the curtains drawn.
The culprit? He is currently settling himself cozy on Yeonjun's bed, and the dissonance in Yeonjun's head makes way for a gentle melody at the sight of his oversized tee and the gaming headset left forgotten around his neck. His pretty eyes and his lovely face. It has already been a few months since they have been together, yet every single time Yeonjun looks at him it's as if he's struck with an epiphany all over again.
"Beomgyu-ya," He calls. The boy turns to look at him, scanning him from head to toe.
"Wow, you look like shit," He says, but his eyes are laced with concern, Yeonjun can tell.
And any other day he would have retorted with a 'I must be a mirror,' or something like that. But tonight, he climbs into bed, planting a kiss on his boyfriend's temple.
"Nice to see you too, Beoms."
"You promised you'd not come back so late," Beomgyu pouts, adorably, "I thought you'd slept over in the practice room, hyung."
"And yet you still waited for me?" Yeonjun asks, his fingers finding their way to Beomgyu's nape to take his headset away. It's still turned on, the light blinking in search of something to connect to.
"I heard you coming in.."
"Oh really?" He smiles when his boyfriend begins to whine.
"Really, Yeonjun-hyung," Beomgyu says, inching closer to him, eyes round and wide and yearning, "And I wanted to see you."
"Because you missed me?" His lover responds with a little nod at that. "What else do you want, Beomie? Hyung will give you anything you want."
"I wanna hold you," He reaches out with outstretched arms, not unlike a baby, "I want you to come closer, hyung."
How can Yeonjun possibly say no to that? To him?
He scooches himself closer, and Beomgyu happily loops his arms around his waist, their legs entangling as he sinks his face into Yeonjun's chest, right against his sternum.
He unties the knots into blood and veins; Yeonjun feels the heart underneath beating again.
This, he thinks as his thumb circles lazily in the dip of Beomgyu's neck, he wants this; all of it and more. All his ways of affection, the quiet and boisterous. Like a fish, yes, but also like sunflowers, heliotropic - growing towards an unreachable sun, towards each other. Chasing bigger dreams, holding one another, looking at him.
He feels Beomgyu's little huff of laughter.
"You're staring," Beomgyu's lips curve endearingly, his eyes following suit as he giggles, amusement reverberating in Yeonjun's ears under the silence of night - "Do you have a crush on me or something?"
Yeonjun sighs, breathing in the smell of his shampoo, "Yeah. I like you too much, really."
"That's good," He hears Beomgyu mumbling against his chest, his voice laced with a smile, "I'm happy."
"You make me happy," Yeonjun tells him, gently, "Thank you, Beomie-ah."
There were a few sinking seconds of silence, and then-
"I know.." He feels Beomgyu shifting in his embrace, exhaustion latching onto his now sleepy, sleepy voice. "I'll always be here, hyung."
He presses another kiss onto the top of his head, and another between his brows. He wants to kiss him silly. Pamper him and spoil him with all the love he has in him. Because Beomgyu has always been by his side, whether by virtue of the shape of their heads, by fate, moon phases, or some otherworldly law he can't possibly comprehend - he was there when he had not even realised he craved a kindred company; there through the thick and the blurry, nebulous and dark; and he is here, and it's so familiar, because everything is always so familiar with him. Because the reflection of him he sees with Beomgyu is one where he sees all the parts of himself he had not yet discovered. And he has discovered he loves them all; he loves him more.
So, Yeonjun thinks as his fingers play with the splayed locks of his lover's hair, maybe they are mirrors after all.
He also wonders what has gotten into him. If the blood that is finally rushing into his previously frazzled brain is giving life to sentimentality. Maybe he should write these down, write a song all about it when given the chance; one that only Beomgyu will ever get to hear.
But the thought of leaving their bed is beckoning him to stay in it. With the lump in his duvet in the shape of a sleeping Beomgyu, his arms now tucked snugly between both of their bodies. He smells like lilies. Beomgyu once told him the scent reminds him of home - Yeonjun cannot help but agree. He cradles him close, until they are enveloped and entwined with one another. Until his lover's breathing lulls him to close his heavy eyes and dream. Like Greek lovers before God had pried their soul into two.
He falls asleep like this; gradually and then suddenly, heart abrimmed with love.
And if Beomgyu finds a random bag of his favourite gummies bears in his pocket the next day, Yeonjun will silently relish in the way that he has made Beomgyu's day just a little brighter, too.
[End]