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Husk was currently shaming himself as he walked through the hotel’s countless corridors. He, the grumpy solitary cantankerous old sour demon, who didn’t give a single damn about anything, who would never waste his time for someone else, was searching for Angel because he hadn’t seen him coming to the bar, as he usually did. Damn, what that spider was doing to him…
After minutes of research, as he came in the umpteenth hall of the hotel’s last floor, he noticed the security exit door to the roof was open. Which made him realize two things. One, the person didn’t care if somebody caught them. Two, if this person was not a staff member – as the “staff members only” board explicitly specified who was allowed to go there – he had some reason to be worried.
So, he came to the heavy metallic door, opened it and walked out on the roof. When he looked around, he was immediately relieved. Angel was here, and he was just sitting, at a reasonable distance from the void.
- Hey, kid.
- What the f-… Oh, it’s you.
The arachnid had jumped in surprise, before realizing who had joined him on the roof.
- You shouldn’t be here, you know?
- Yeah, yeah, I can read. You can’t, though.
The hybrid demon’s eyebrows furrowed.
- Uh, ‘course I do! And I am a staff member.
- Pfff, sure! Whatever next?
- What? Bartender, staff member.
- Okay okay, mistah poet.
Angel just shrugged and went back to staring at the swarming streets, or rather into space. Then, he gave the feline a slight smirk and a teasing look.
- And whatcha gonna do if someone notices you’re not in the lobby, mh…?
- Fuck ‘em off. I put the “bar closed” board.
Despite being sharp, that answer was, again, a way for the cat to say he cared about him more than his job or any stupid stuff related to it, without really saying it. Maybe Angel was over-analyzing sometimes, but he was constantly aware of all those little details, those hints of consideration, those hidden messages in Husk’s words. It made that singular pleasant warmth spread within him, engulfing every bone and muscle, making his heart hum and filling him with emotions to the core.
- Seriously, what are you doing on the roof?
- Uh, nothing specific. I just…
He seemed to hesitate for a while, not daring to look at Husk directly.
- It’s just that… I- I’m sorry kitty, I needed a moment.
Of course, Husk wouldn’t admit he got worried out loud. They both knew it. So, as usual, he said things in a convoluted way, knowing Angel would understand perfectly – anyway, that damn spider seemed to always read his mind, no matter how hard he tried to hide things.
- Don’t be, it’s okay. It’s just, uh, you usually you come to the bar, so…
- I know. But, heh, any rule must have exceptions, right?
Angel had a brief laughter, which was clearly ironic.
- There’s no rule, Angie. You come to the bar whenever you want, but it’s fine if you don’t.
- Aww, thank ya, kitty-sweetie!
- Ugh, whatever.
He shrugged and looked up at the red foggy sky of Hell. After a while, he heard a loud sigh.
- What’s wrong, kid? Do you, uh, wanna talk or something?
- Meh. Same shit as usual. I’m not… feeling that bad, actually. But… I needed this.
Even though Angel tried to reassure him, the feline couldn’t help feeling worried. So, he reluctantly turned heels, ready to leave.
- Okay, uh… You know where to find me if y-…
- What? Fuck, no! Now you’re here, you stay.
At first, Husk was surprised by Angel’s words and stopped abruptly. Somehow skeptical, he turned his head towards him and caught a glimpse of embarrassment in the other demon’s eyes.
- I… I mean if you want to… I just… Y’know…
The spider left that sentence without an end and just stared at the feline, who just turned around and walked back to him. Husk came closer and sat beside him, not too close to avoid breaking that space he needed. They remained silent for a while, sitting side by side, watching the city’s mayhem from the heights, appreciating the breeze of the evening, just enjoying each other’s company.
- Hey, Husky. Have ya ever fucked with a guy before?
The bartender, caught unawares by such a blunt, random and unexpected question, opened his eyes wide and furrowed his long eyebrows.
- Wha-… What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
- Uh, nothing else than “have ya ever fucked with a guy before”.
- Seriously?!
- What? Don’t tell me you’re embarrassed!
- I’m not, it’s just… The question coming out of nowhere. But, yeah, I have.
Suddenly, Angel threw himself into Husk’s arms like a happy child.
- Weehee! Gay buddy!
- Angel, what the fuck?! And uh, I’m not gay.
After a few seconds of silence, his lover started to giggle and then just burst out laughing. Husk stared at him with a questioning and slightly annoyed gazed.
- What’s so funny?
- Oh, c’mon, Husky!
Angel got closer, planted a loud kiss on the cat’s fluffy cheek and gave a gentle mocking smile. Husk yowled out of habit and took on a sulky face.
- Aww, you should see your pout, you’re so cute!
By way of answer, he rolled his eyes and flipped him the bird, which made Angel laugh even more.
- I’m just messin’ around, sweetie.
- Yeah, whatever. I’m just not gay. What’s funny with that?
- Duh! You’ve slept with dudes, and now you’re datin’ me, that’s inevitably gay!
- I ain’t gay.
- Husky, of course y-…
- I ain’t saying I’m straight though.
The spider took a few seconds to process the information and, when he finally understood the point, he looked like he had such a divine revelation that you could draw a light bulb above his head. Then, he gave a cocky smile and gently tapped Husk’s muzzle.
- Ooh, look who’s playin’ persnickety!
- It’s not that. Actually, I’ve always been far from being “persnickety” when in came to bedfellows.
- Mh, so yeah, you swing both ways.
- I don’t… swing. It’s just… whatever. No label. A hole’s a hole.
Suddenly, Angel sported the most offended pout he could, bringing his upper hands to his face.
- Oh, Husk, I’m outraged! Is that everything I am to you?
Even if he knew his boyfriend was just kidding, the winged demon could not help but feel embarrassed somehow. So, he gave a long annoyed sigh and mumbled under his breath:
- Damn, Angel! We didn’t even…
The bright and slightly mocking laughter suddenly decreased, the arachnid stared at Husk and, after a few seconds, he tried to hide the awkwardness growing inside him and making him blush already. And, for that, nothing was better than a sultry smile and a teasing wink, like he always did.
- Mh, that’s right, we didn’t.
- Ugh, you moron.
- Yeah, yeah, I know, I like you too, big kitty.
Angel sat more comfortably and, quite naturally, he laid his head on his lover’s shoulder. Husk extended his wing and wrapped it around him, in a spontaneous gesture too. The situation was a bit cliché, they were sitting close to each other on a roof, looking at what was supposed to be the sky. But neither of them was thinking about that, they just did things as it came.
- That’s quite unfair. I can’t ask you the same. I mean, I could, but… The answer is obvious. Right?
- Mh, true. But… You can ask me something else. Anything you’d like.
- You sure?
- Yeah. Go ahead. What’s on your mind, dreamboat?
As embarrassing as it could be – after all, aren’t you supposed to be willing to know every little thing about your partner? – Husk had no idea about what he could ask. There was actually so much they didn’t know about each other that he had to think quite a long time to find anything to ask. However, he had noticed that Angel already seemed more joyful, somehow, since they started to chat about random things, so he kept going further into it, to maintain him in that good mood.
- Uh, I dunno… When was your first kiss?
- Ooh, kinky question!
- Wha-… Kinky?! You’re the one who started with your “have you banged guys” shit!
- Mh… Did I, though?
- Ugh, go fuck yourself.
- You know my answer to that, babe.
- Huh?
Seizing this comical opportunity as he remembered their interaction when they very first met, Angel did the exact same move, crawling onto him, taking his face between his hands and giving him the best bedroom eyes, smile and voice he was capable of.
- Only if you watch me.
Once again, Husk rolled his eyes and sighed just for form, but his boyfriend’s ever so teasing attitude always got him and he couldn’t hold back a short but sincere laughter.
- You fuckin’ doofus.
- Yep! Aaanyway, to answer your question…
He stopped for a while to think. Actually, everything related to when he was alive seemed so far away, given that he had spent much more time in Hell than in the human world. So, remembering something that happened when he was a teenager…
- Uh, I think I was… 13, or somethin’. I mean the first “real” kiss. It was… eh, it was fuckin’ weird!
- Oh… why?
- Easy! It was with a girl.
Even if he knew that Angel had been aware of his own homosexuality quite early, Husk also knew society, especially the Italian mafiosi at that time, would have ended him if they came to know.
- I already knew… sort of. I mean, okay I was only a teen, but I was quick to notice that uh, girls are nice and cute and all that stuff, but…
He gave a slight grin and an amused laughter, almost innocent, which contrasted with what he said.
- Heh, my dreams were much more about dicks, y’know… I mean, damn! How could every guy around me be fuckin’ straight while there were sooo many hot Italianos around? That’s nonsense.
The way Angel said it made Husk laugh again, he acted just like males being straight was the worst affront to humanity, pouting and throwing up all his hands dramatically.
- Well, somehow you’re right.
- Of course I am! It’s… Uh, what d’ya mean, Husky?
With a wide, almost carnivorous smile, the feline carefully slid a claw along his lover’s cheek and brought his own face very close to his, staring at him.
- What men could pretend they’re straight when facing a hot Italiano like you, mh?
Caught off guard, Angel stared at him without being able to say a word for a few seconds. That was unexpected… Not that Husk never teased him or flirted with him, but it was quite uncommon and always surprising when he did, which made it even better, actually. The arachnid tried to act like if he wasn’t blushing and feeling his heart hammer into his chest, as the cat was staring at him, caressing his cheek, then kissed it quickly and sat back straight, still holding him close though.
- Heheh, yeah I know, I’m hot as Hell, literally!
- And so humble…
The spider giggled and put a hand back on his partner’s thigh, grazing it with the tip of his fingers.
- So. Yeah. Not the best I could dream of for a first kiss but, heh, that’s life…
Even if he knew it was a long time ago and that a not so great first kiss was far from being the worst thing Angel had to go through, Husk couldn’t help feel a bit sad for him. Especially that he knew he had to hide his sexual orientation and his relationships his entire life and act like he was straight, which was really hard to do, and the feline could partially understand and sympathize.
- At least, it made me even more sure I wasn’t interested in girls! I was definitely into dicks. Well… actually, even better when said dicks are into me, hahah!
- Why do you always have to be so gross…
- Oh, c’mon! I know you like it, somehow.
Once again, Husk sighed loudly with his gravelly voice and rolled his eyes. Then, he stared at him for a few seconds and, finally, gave a slight puckish smile.
- Not completely sure. But I like you, so…
- Aww, sweetie!
The spider suddenly wrapped all of his arms around him and, again, planted a long and loud kiss, this time one on each side of the cat’s fuzzy face. As Husk was pretending to be bothered, again, Angel let out one of those oh so cute giggles and nuzzled into his lover’s neck, looking at him with hearts in his sparkling eyes and a loving smile.
- I like when you’re getting all softie with me.
- Ugh… yeah, whatever.
Angel chuckled and loosened the embrace, then continued his story.
- Anyway… could’ve been worse. At least it was not some weirdo trying to literally tear my mouth apart from my face while doin’ it! But… it’s so much better with… uh… emotion and stuff, y’know.
There was an embarrassing moment of silence, when they were both slightly blushing while pretending neither of them noticed it. And, as he always did when he felt awkward, the arachnid created a diversion by continuing their little “game” with another question.
- So, my turn… D’ya prefer fuckin’ with guys or girls?
- Seriously? Do your questions always have to be that embarrassing??
- Pff, bullshit! Don’t go try to make me believe you’re embarrassed…
- Whatever. And, given what I’ve told you, it shouldn’t be hard to guess. I have no preference.
Like a child trying to get an answer no matter how long they had to tug on their parents, Angel got even closer to Husk and put an arm around his waist. The feline just twitched a bit but let him do.
- Yeah I know, but… Aren’t you, I don’t know, more in the mood for one or the other, sometimes?
- You’re weird.
- Hey! I’ve been hella gay from the cradle to the grave and beyond, so I’m curious!
- There’s nothing specific to say about that. There’s no “mood”, it’s just… how it is. It may be more “variable” for others, but not for me. I never even paid attention to it to that point.
- Mh, okay.
Another moment of silence. Again, Angel felt he was blushing. He could barely admit it to himself, but he actually felt awkward talking about that specific topic with Husk, while it hadn’t happened – yet – between them. After all, even if they had gotten very close, there was nothing tremendously intimate, so to speak; sure, sleeping in the same bed, cuddling and touching, sometimes almost naked, was already very intimate, but it didn’t go any further and it was enough for them. For now.
Yet, Angel had this unpleasant sensation that he had an incoherent behavior somehow. He started to fiddle with his fingers on the hands that weren’t on Husk’s thigh and waist.
- I’m sorry, I… I’m talkin’ about… that… while we haven’t… uh… y’know, yet…
How unlikely… Angel Dust, Hell’s number one porn star and most lusted after prostitute, expert on the topic as much for theory as for practice, so shameless, extrovert and flirty, was suddenly blushing at the only fact of mentioning sex – and not even saying the word – with the person he was most intimate with, and apologized for putting it on the table. So, Husk was quick to reassure him.
- There’s nothing you should be sorry for, Angel. It’s fine.
- Yeah…? I mean, I know, but… it’s just… I go on and on about it, asking you stuff and all, but…
As he felt his boyfriend was struggling with words, the winged demon took his hand this time, in a tender and encouraging gesture.
- I ain’t… exactly ready for that. Don’t take it personally, hun’.
- I don’t. I know why you wanna wait. I’d rather take it slow too.
Angel gave him the softest grateful smile, which on its own melted the old cat’s heart. He cupped the dark gray fuzzy cheeks with his upper hands and got closer, until their foreheads touched. They both closed their eyes and didn’t say anything, letting a long peaceful silence settling between them, only broken by the distant sounds of horns and screams down there on the streets.
After a few seconds like this, the spider demon reopened his eyes, only to see his partner had already done the same. Again, he started to feel confused, his heart was hammering like mad, he felt his blood rushing through his veins and a really, really nice warmth inside. He looked up at Husk like a beaten dog, caressing his face, holding his hand tighter. His breath was getting shorter, he was increasingly blushing and his eyes were filled with a combination of shyness, uncertainty and overflowing affection. He certainly looked like the most bashful lover ever.
Then as he pinched his own lips and gave a faint smile, Husk realized what was very likely to happen. However, he didn’t do anything yet, he wanted to be absolutely certain that Angel had the time to feel comfortable enough and back out if it was too much for him. The arachnid had never said it properly, but when they had one of those conversations about his job and how it could influence on how he was with Husk, his true everyday partner, he’d said that some things were paradoxically much more difficult for him to do with his boyfriend that with some random coworker or client. Which included having sex, and also kissing. One would think it should be a hundred times easier, on the contrary, but it actually involved such a different kind and level of intimacy, complete trust and raw emotions, that it all resulted more… complicated.
Also, it was not exactly that easy for Husk either. He’d been concealing every single emotion for such a long time, he was already that cold cantankerous man years before he died. So, any romantic behavior and gesture could only be very confusing, even though he’d lowered his walls surprisingly quickly for his beloved spider. So, for both of them – well, especially for Angel, because Husk considered that whenever his lover would be ready, he would be too – he didn’t push it.
It was incredibly tempting, though. There were just a few inches of space between their faces. They could feel each other’s breath. Their hearts were beating faster and faster in a way they rarely had for decades, a long-forgotten warmth was filling them and there was no need for words anymore.
- Husk…
When he heard that single word, said with a sweet and low, almost broken tone, and saw those beautiful eyes sparkling with pure love staring at him like he held the sun and stars, Husk knew it was the moment. He took the hand on his face in his free paw, closed his eyes and moved towards Angel to seal their lips in a slow and tender kiss.
It was… incredible, amazing, breath-taking. It was like their entire existence was wrecked, but in the good way, the best way. It was a rebirth, neither of them had felt like this for such a long time it made that single kiss a hundred times more intense. First, because they rediscovered all the emotions of a first kiss: the chills, the prudishness, the tension, the restlessness, the sensation that you get to know the other even more… And second, because they also rediscovered what it’s like to kiss someone you truly love and care about, and who truly loves and cares about you.
Husk slid his paw along Angel’s arm, until he reached his shoulder, holding him close. The spider mimicked his gesture, putting three other arms around him, while the hand on the cat’s fuzzy cheek reached the base of his ears and began to scratch there. So, as they were still lost deep in the kiss, their very first real kiss, locked in a tight embrace, wrapped into huge soft feathery wings, eyes closed, every sense and deep emotion awake, Angel petted the dark fur on that sensitive spot, while Husk started purring, louder and louder as seconds went by.
After a while, they broke the kiss. Their faces were ten shades of red darker, their breaths short and their bodies quivering with euphoria. In a sudden moment of extreme shyness, Angel lowered his eyes and let out a slight giggle, so low Husk could barely hear it. He kept holding the feline in his arms and, after a few seconds, he whispered, almost silently, like a child’s secret:
- Thank you.
As he was also trying to recover from the emotional overload, Husk gently stroked his partner’s shoulder and neck with one paw and his lower back with the other.
- Uh… you’re welcome, I guess.
- I… uhm… I don’t mean only for… that.
Of course, he wanted to thank him for that first kiss, it was even better than anything he could have expected, it was so soft yet passionate, it filled the emptiness in his heart even more, it was just… perfect. But also… there were so many things he wanted, needed to thank him for. He knew words weren’t necessary between them, but he had to. It was too much for him not to say anything. He wanted to tell this man how important he was to him, to express how grateful he was towards him, to make sure he knew how happy he made him just by sharing his afterlife with him.
Yet, even if he needed to, he still felt too shy. It was still too hard to just speak, with raw words. So, he melted in the other demon’s arms and held him tight, nuzzling into his fuzzy neck.
- Uh, Angel…
- Thanks. For being you. For… letting me see you as you are. For making me feel comfortable with you. For… all of this.
As much as it was tough for both of them to express how they felt, even to each other, it was also complicated for them to hear it. So, as he usually did, Husk tried to wave it off. But this time, the spider would not let him, he wanted to tell him loud and clear, and he wanted him to accept it.
- Yeah, yeah, don’t m-…
- I’m serious, Husky. If you weren’t here… I would’ve lost my shit even more than I do.
Once again, Husk opened his mouth to protest, but he couldn’t find the words. Angel kept going:
- I mean, okay, I’ve spent decades dealin’ with all that shit on my own with no one to share my everyday, uh, afterlife with. But now…
He paused for a while, struggling to find the words. It was always extremely difficult for him to open and speak from the heart to anyone, a bit less to his boyfriend but still. Husk was not the only one who had been denying almost every feeling for decades. Angel began to stammer while he was trying to make a full sentence, but he always stopped and started again with another one. Finally, he managed, but his voice was trembling and tears started to roll down his cheeks.
- Now you’re here, and I know that you’re here for me. That you… treat me good. That I don’t have to go though all of that shit alone. That I am not alone. You just… turned it all around.
While he was trying not to cry at his own confession, Angel let go of the embrace and took both of Husk’s paws in his upper hands, focusing on them to avoid looking directly at him.
- I won’t say I’m getting rid of my addictions, I’d be a fuckin’ liar. But… you help me deal with all that. And… even on the worst days, I have the chance to tell myself that when I get back home, I’ll have someone to talk to, really talk to. Or not necessarily talk, actually, but just… some company.
This was probably the first time he spoke so long about how he felt with their relationship. Just like Husk, he preferred actions rather than words, because ever since he’d landed in Hell, and probably even before, words had always been lies, and lies had always brought him heartbreaks and shitty situations. But now, at this instant, with Husk, right after that first kiss that seemed to have wrecked everything inside of him… words could help. A little bit.
It was weird… It felt painful somehow to dig that deep inside of his thoughts and feelings, to keep every single brick of his walls down and not even trying to hide behind dubious jokes or sassy comments, to show his true colors he’d been hiding for so long he didn’t see them anymore himself. However, if felt amazing to finally be able to do what he’d never been allowed to since decades: being in love with someone who truly cared about him and telling them the truth about it.
- You’ve never judged me for what I do or who I am. You always cope with my shit. You don’t treat me like the fuckin’ piece of meat every other guys see me as. You’re a grouchy puffball, quiet as the grave when you’re not telling everyone to piss off, and you always grumble when I flirt with you.
Even though he wanted to retort, at first thought because he was too proud, but at second thought because he could simply not feel legitimate about everything Angel was saying about him, Husk just remained silent and listened.
- But… when we talk, when you’re with me, it’s just… so nice, and soothing. You’re always… just there, for me.
After what felt a long time, the spider looked up and his gaze met Husk’s. The cat was staring at him in surprise, while Angel’s eyes were just brimming with love and affection.
- I mean it. You bring me so much, you don’t know how much you’ve done for me. And… I…
Suddenly, as if he’d just realized he what he was doing, Angel cut himself off and started stuttering again, lowering his eyes and biting his lip out of embarrassment.
- I… Uh… Shit, I’m gettin’ far too emotional just for a kiss… Dammit!
He laughed nervously and turned away to look at the horizon, but Husk brought a paw to his cheek and slightly brushed it to wipe the tears away, catching the arachnid’s attention again.
- Angie… It’s okay. You know it’s alright with me.
After a few seconds of hesitation, Angel finally gathered the strength to look at his lover, who gave him a warm smile and pulled him back into his embrace. The taller demon gave a slight giggle, then sniffled and hugged him again, even tighter, nuzzling his chest.
- Thanks, babe.
They just stayed like this for a while, a few long minutes that were necessary for both of them. They didn’t talk, they just enjoyed each other’s touch and closeness, slowly realizing and admitting they just had taken one more step, and not the least, while getting used to the emotion they experienced.
Things were always slow and gradual between them, they already had quite – very – intimate cuddling moments so to speak, but nothing more, and they had never kissed this way before. Maybe it seemed like a paradox, maybe they were “taking things backwards”, but that was what they both needed and what suited them, so whatever.
- Husk…
Angel sat back up and, this time, his gaze met the feline’s and didn’t leave it.
- I’d never thought I’d say that kind of sappy rubbish, but…
He took some time to ponder his words, but he already knew what he wanted to say. With that special relationship, those evenings at the bar, those long and sometimes unexpectedly deep conversations, those shared nights together, and now, that first kiss… He knew. It was stupid, foolish, reckless and indecently ridiculous, but he knew. He knew Husk was the one.
- I want to be with you. And stay with you.
Even though he already knew how much Angel cared about him, Husk was stunned by such a declaration. It already meant a lot when they had long and serious talks, when they started dating, when they spent their first nights together, when Angel brought him to his room, when he let him take care of Fat Nuggets, when they helped each other and let the other help through their worst nightmares and panic attacks… But this.
- Angel, wha-…
- And I don’t know if there’s much I can do for you in return, but…
With these words, Angel came closer and gently took Husk’s face between his upper hands, while wrapping the lower set around his waist. He kept looking at him in the eyes, his pink irises glowing.
- As long as you want me… I’ll be here for you too.
It took some time for the cat to process. It was… a lot. Probably too much. He, a completely ruined and grumpy alcoholic, having another demon wanting him and being there for him? If he didn’t know the spider, he would have believed it was a joke or some hallucination. But he knew it wasn’t, he was serious, and it made the information even harder to assimilate.
- Angie…
Oh, for Lucifer’s sake, did the spider love that nickname – and only from Husk’s mouth, no one else’s. His eyes watering with unshed tears, his heart hammering in his chest, his cheeks all flushed due to all those pent up emotions that just went out in one kiss, he took his lover’s face in his hands again and laid his own forehead against his, eyes closed. The feline, always moved when his boyfriend showed his affection, his feelings and his vulnerability like this, let a sigh out and started to pet his hair to soothe him.
- It’s… nice of you, kid. But, uh…
He barely started to protest that Angel silenced him with another kiss, a bit messier than the first one but still soft and even more passionate. So, Husk didn’t say anything more and welcomed that kiss, as well as the others that followed all along their tight, warm and loving embrace. For once, despite how unbelievable it seemed, how hard it was for him to realize, he let himself accept that he could matter to someone else.
Angel knew more than many demons that nothing was less sure than in Hell, that you could only rely on yourself down here, that both he and Husk were ruined souls haunted by their sins and lost in their pathetic ways of (non-)life. After all, one was a washed up old drunk gambler, the other was a drug-addict porn star and prostitute. They had nothing to offer to each other.
But actually, they did. Angel knew it. He experienced it every single day since they were together, and even before when they had started to unconsciously settle their late evening bar chats habit. There were so many little things, just details, but in this hell of an existence it was so much already. He knew, he felt that they brought something to each other. And he wanted to believe. He needed to.
He believed that, for once in his afterlife, and maybe in forever, he had met one demon who truly cared about him and would not just use him and then dump him. He believed that his beloved feline, despite his seemingly tough personality, was the kindest, softest and truest man he’d ever met for a very, very long time. He believed that they could, even if only at best, help each other in that utter mess. He believed they could be strong enough for each other. He believed in them.
And, at this very instant, nothing else mattered.
~