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Chapter Text

Phillip J. Coulson dies, hand on a weapon.

It hurts, and there’s blood in his mouth and on his lips and he feels himself fade, eyes on Nick Fury. He fought under Fury in the military and he followed when Fury left to build SHIELD, he’s been there since the beginning. He counts Fury as a friend, but he says boss — this is work, line of duty. He’s an agent and a soldier.

There are worse ways to die.

—

Phil Coulson dies, knowing that they are at war, knowing that Loki has the upper hand, knowing that the people that should form the Avengers, that should be saving the world, are fighting each other rather than their common enemy.

He looks Nick Fury in the eye and tells him to use his death to unite them, to give them a cause.

He knows his own worth. He believes in their goodness. He believes that they’re heroes and that they won’t let him have died for no reason.

He dies believing. It could be worse.

—

Barton’s been compromised and Natasha Romanoff is not a soldier. She’s a spy, but they’re at war. Phil knows they may all have to become soldiers before this is over. He wishes he could protect her from that, but there is very little that she needs protection from and he is dying.

He is dying, and Barton’s been compromised.

—

Phil Coulson dies without knowing whether Clint Barton is still alive; without seeing him one last time, without any last words.

He dies, and Barton’s been compromised.

—

If he regrets anything, it is this: That he couldn’t kiss Clint one last time, that he can’t be there when Clint comes back from whatever it is that Loki has done to him, that he can’t tell Clint that it wasn’t his fault, because he knows he’ll believe it and the man is damn stubborn. That he will never again get to doze off with his feet on the coffee table and his head on Clint’s shoulder while Supernanny is playing, white noise in the background that allows them to be still and quiet and together.

He regrets that he won’t hear Clint’s voice again over the com, that he won’t ever be able to wrap his hands around Clint’s arms and just hold on while Clint pushes in, over him and inside of him, that he won’t be there for Clint.

He regrets the pain this will cause Clint, even though he knows that it is necessary, that it may well be the cause that is needed to save the world.

—Phil Coulson dies, not because of any grand plan, but because he had access to a weapon and meant to use it against their enemy. Injuries happen in war, fatalities happen.

He was prepared for this eventuality.

— He dies thinking of who he is leaving behind, and thinking of the future that he hopes his death will help shape for the better.

He doesn’t die sacrificing himself for the future or for the cause he hopes it will give the Avengers; he dies doing his duty. Everything else that may or may not come from it will be a byproduct, a fringe benefit that he will not see unfold.

Phil wishes he could live to see a world that has superheroes in it.

—Phillip J. Coulson dies with a gun in his hands, Nick Fury watching him and SHIELD medics surrounding him. He dies believing in a better future, and crying because he leaves so much behind.

He tries to cling to the thought of Clint.

Then there is nothing.

—Nick Fury tells the Avengers that Coulson died at Loki’s hand. It’s what Phil would have wanted, what Phil suggested with his very last words.

It’s also the truth, and never let it be said that Fury can’t use it to his advantage.

—It has the desired effect.—Phil Coulson died. He didn’t expect to wake up again.