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Really, there would never be a day for Izumi without Leo’s eccentric behavior.
He was not complaining, no, he was far past that phase. Once Izumi realized that the universe had probably tied their fates together with a red string, which he reckoned could never be severed, Izumi ceased his grumbles and began to accept that he was, undeniably, meant to be with Leo for the rest of his life.
Not exactly the ideal life he had been dreaming of, but it could’ve been worse.
Years passed since the moment they agreed to live together under the same roof. It was only his fingerprints on the mirror before, a single toothbrush on the sink, and his towels perched near the shower. But now, Izumi could see Leo’s marks pressed around his, the toothbrushes they use waiting at the same place every morning, and there were two bathrobes instead of towels on the shelf. Leo’s loud laugh was sealed in the spaces, settling around Izumi’s annoyed voice whenever his partner did anything stupid. Izumi had forgotten how long Leo's things had been mingling among his; the way he found a messy music sheet inside his fashion magazine or orange strands amidst his gray ones.
“It’s been so long, huh,” Izumi mumbled to no one. “Life could be so funny sometimes.”
“What’s funny?” Leo asked. He sat beside Izumi, his head fit perfectly on his shoulder. “What’s been so long, Sena?”
“You ask too much,” he grumbled. “Stop asking.”
Leo scowled. “I only asked two questions!”
Izumi pressed the urge to roll his eyes at Leo’s words. He leaned his head on him, carefully watching the screen which displayed their boarding schedule. He could smell himself on Leo, the shampoo they shared.
The two of them were going home to Japan—Tsukasa accepted an event for Knights, and the organizer expected five of them to be on stage. After a few months of focusing on themselves, they agreed it was a good thing to perform together again. The event would not start until three days, but Izumi thought they should arrive before.
“Our gate will open soon,” Izumi announced. “Come, Leo-kun.”
Leo went to trail behind him leisurely, his eyes taking their sweet time to wander around. Izumi stopped walking until he caught up, entwining their fingers together. “Don’t get lost.”
“I won’t! You’re here with me, Sena.”
Izumi sighed, irritated, but his lips betrayed himself—growing a slight smile that Leo didn’t notice.
The day he asked Leo to live together with him turned into a broken record in Izumi’s head.
He remembered the words pouring from his lips: manage, watch, Florence, and something about Izumi wanting Leo’s presence. “I’ll look after you, so bring me all the jobs you can get in exchange,” Izumi said. And at one point, when he realized he had talked too much, Izumi added his signature so annoying. He didn’t forget to act haughty and arrogant, masking his beating heart with demands coming out of his mouth.
A proposal, Arashi pointed out. “Did you just propose to Leo-kun?”
It was an adoption paper, he shot back. But the word echoed in his head: propose, proposed, proposal. Did he unknowingly propose to Leo?
Leo came to him after the live ended, and they had bid the fans farewell. “I wanted to continue our talk,” he told Izumi. His inner shirt clung to his skin, a little see-through, soaked by sweat. He doubted he appeared any different. Izumi couldn’t wait to get out of his drenched shirt.
“What is it?” Izumi demanded. His head felt light, though he wasn’t sure whether it was from the thrill of performing or the short memory of himself telling Leo the truth. “My skin feels terrible. Can’t this talk wait?”
But Leo shook his head. “Are you sure you want me to… live with you?”
“What? You don’t want to live with me?”
“Senaaa!” Leo whined. It amused him a little bit. “That’s not what I meant!”
“Then what is it?”
“You know I bring trouble,” Leo answered; his voice was quiet—suddenly, he seemed smaller than usual. “And I don’t know if I can be much help.”
What was him today, all anxious and wary? Izumi didn’t like the sight of Leo not being his everyday cheery self. This was different from what he regularly encountered. Leo wouldn’t even meet his eyes. He kept looking past him, as if the walls behind Izumi were more interesting than his presence. “You brought me jobs before, you could do it again.” Izumi paused. “Besides,” he added, “you are basically living with me.”
“That’s different! I’m only crashing, and then I would go and come back as I like. I don’t even sleep in your apartment.” Leo shifted his focus to him. “This would be different, Sena. And I’m a problem. I’ve always been one.”
“I don’t care about that,” Izumi said. “We’ve known each other far too long by now.”
“But you know how much trouble I could be, Sena.”
“And?” Izumi snapped. “I want your trouble, Leo-kun. Do you not get it? Do I have to spell it for you? I want to take care of you! I want your problem to be my problem too. Is it that hard to take?” Leo stood quiet, his eyes never leaving Izumi’s. “Why do you keep forcing me to repeat myself? That’s so annoying! I want your company, okay? Stop trying to shoulder everything alone. You know you can always rely on me. I’m your friend, not a stranger.”
By the time he finished, Izumi had found his cheeks were deep red, out of fury or fluster; he didn’t know. On the other hand, Leo's face was ghastly—like he didn’t expect Izumi to say what he said. His eyes were wide, and his whole body went still. They stood in silence for a suffocating minute, which Izumi didn’t enjoy. There must have been words they should be throwing at each other right now; not an irritable quiet Izumi couldn’t stand.
Izumi sighed. “Say something, Leo-kun. Anything.”
“You want me to live with you?”
“Yes,” Izumi mumbled. “Yes, yes I do. Stop asking me to say it again!”
“You are really interesting, huh, Sena?” Leo tilted his head. “I think you don’t know how interesting you could be.”
“You’ve said that.” Izumi pressed his left temple. “Are you done yet? Can I change now?”
Leo broke into a grin. “I would leave you alone to it, then, housemate!”
Once Leo left, Izumi felt his feet turning into wobbly jellies. He collapsed to the nearest seat, slackening in a pose he mostly avoided. What did he just do, spouting nonsense about wanting to take care of Leo and wishing for his company? “I’m an idiot,” Izumi muttered. All the blood rushed up to his cheeks, leaving colors on the outer edges of his ears. “I’m an idiot.”
He stared at the empty space where Leo had been, tracing the sweetness of truth he had spilled.
The first day Leo moved in, Izumi was acutely aware of his apartment. He was conscious of where he put his things; how he arranged and decorated the furniture. It was as if Leo were a judge and Izumi was a contestant in a show where interiors were being competed. (The sofas, he realized, were a little bit too close to each other. And was that a scar on his table? His magazines weren’t tidy enough. He made a note to reorganize them later.)
Izumi began to question if he had enough entertainment to keep Leo happy. He knew at one point that Leo’s happiness wasn’t supposed to be his problem—it was, once, and they had burned themselves in the burden—but Izumi couldn’t help yet worry. He found himself overly concerned about things when it came to Leo.
“Sena!”
Leo’s voice emerged him out of his reverie. “What?”
“Where do I put my things?” Leo asked. He didn’t bring much, only a suitcase and a shopping bag full of music sheets. Disorderly, but undeniably so Leo,
“You can place them in my wardrobe room,” he answered. “I’ll arrange your clothes later.”
“I’m not a kid—”
“No, but you will make a mess.” Izumi glared at him. “Don’t touch anything. Just put your suitcase on the floor.”
Grudgingly, Leo did as he was told. Izumi followed him to the room. He wasn’t sure Leo wouldn’t forget about his warning and instead began to touch his things. Izumi leaned on the door frame, hands neatly folded on his chest. “You don’t bring many clothes.”
“I don’t need much,” said Leo. He turned to Izumi, grinning brightly. “I have my music sheets with me, anyway!”
Was he supposed to feel annoyed? Izumi found himself smiling softly. The careless words Leo spouted were a reminder of their earlier youth. He realized, this time, it would be the two of them too.
“Don’t come crying to me when I wash all your clothes,” Izumi mocked, giving Leo a dismissive wave. “You’ll have nothing but a towel on.”
Leo gave a theatrical gasp. “Sena! What did Florence do to the innocent Sena? Since when did you become so obscene?”
“I’m not—” Izumi felt the fire scorching on his cheeks, his heart drumming furiously “—obscene, you idiot! Stop talking and start unpacking!”
Leo’s laugh was loud and high-pitched, ringing in Izumi’s ears even when he walked away. It followed him into the kitchen as he made cold drinks for both of them, deafened only by the sound of ice clinking the glass. Izumi watched as the orange juice filled the glass, but he glimpsed Leo’s movement from his periphery view. Leo sat at the dining table with a curious look and a music sheet in his hand.
“Have you finished unpacking?”
“Yeah! And I got an inspiration.” Leo took out a pen from his pocket. “I’m gonna write about moving in with Sena!”
“Can you please properly sit first?” Izumi settled a glass beside Leo. He sat on the chair, motioning Leo to do the same. “No pen on the dining table, please.”
“Party pooper!” Leo scrunched his nose. “Don’t disturb me and the mechanics of my brain, Sena!”
“You’re at my house,” Izumi pointed out. He reached forward to flick Leo’s forehead softly, earning a light laugh from his victim. “Do as I say.”
“It’s our house if you think about it.” Leo’s grin was proud and lofty, as if he had just won a lottery. “You’d have to redo the rules now!”
“It hasn’t even been a day.”
“I live here now!”
“Whatever.” Izumi rolled his eyes. He stood from his chair. “Wash the dishes, then, now that you live here.”
“But—hey, Sena! Hey!”
Izumi pretended not to hear Leo’s voice. He went inside his bedroom, the light grey and white wall welcoming his presence. The room was tidy and neat, like every other room in his apartment. He neatened the bed earlier, the pillows stacked on top of one another, the blanket tucked nicely, and his things were on the table. But Izumi knew it wouldn’t take long until Leo began to mess the room.
“Am I sleeping here?”
“I don’t have any other bedroom,” Izumi answered. He noticed Leo’s footsteps before Leo spoke. “Unless you want to sleep on the sofa. Which you’re not, by the way, because I said I will take care of you.”
“Stop saying that.” Leo’s cheeks turned pink. “So we’re… sleeping on the same bed?”
Izumi didn’t notice how red his cheeks were until he looked at his reflection. “Well, I don’t want to sleep on the sofa,” he replied. “So yes, we are.”
When he first thought about it, he did think it would be strange. Izumi didn’t like having his privacy invaded, but this was Leo, and he had been ignoring the lines since the day they met. The weight of Leo’s body beside him was oddly comfortable, and his warmth was so familiar that Izumi found himself sleeping more soundly than ever.
Waking up next to Leo felt natural. Amidst his cool-toned room, Leo’s bright orange hair didn’t seem out of place. Izumi drank him in silently as his new roommate slept, his rhythmic breath and soft snores. Leo curled like a cat in his sleep, knees tucked into his body. Izumi smiled, brushing off stray hairs from Leo’s forehead.
Leo winced at the contact. He blinked. “Sena?”
“Sleep more, Leo-kun,” Izumi mumbled. He propped himself up on his elbows. “Go get some rest. I’ll make us breakfast.”
It wasn’t long until they fell into a routine. Izumi would be the first one to wake up; then he would make breakfast and wake Leo up once everything was set—if he was asleep. Some days Izumi didn’t have to do it because Leo was hardly asleep. But they would always eat breakfast together as if it was a habit in their now shared living space. Dinner was essential too, but only when they both were home. Izumi found solace in Leo’s endless chatter, their small fights and banter. They had known each other for years, but only now Leo truly feels like someone Izumi understood. It took time, and Izumi enjoyed every second of it.
But sometimes there were nights when Leo turned into a stranger. There were nights when he would become somebody Izumi didn’t recognize, a scattered mess he only witnessed once when they were at a low point in their lives. Izumi had never dealt with him. He didn’t know to; leaving was the perfect option when they were teenagers, but it was inevitably the worst choice he could ever pick.
The least he could do, Izumi concluded, was to understand him. He was hurt, and pain could never fully heal. If Izumi couldn’t tend to his wounds, he could try to lessen them and make them his. It felt pathetic how he couldn’t.
Izumi didn’t know what led to this. He just came home from a photoshoot, expecting to see Leo playing with the cat they adopted a few weeks ago, smiling and gleefully shouting. But instead, a dark apartment and sobbings from their bedroom greeted him.
“Leo-kun,” he whispered. Izumi crouched before him, his hands on Leo’s knees. “Leo-kun, you’re okay. You’re okay.”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Leo looked past him blankly. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
“You’re okay, Leo-kun. There’s nothing to apologize for.”
Leo only muttered another apology. His body shook under the blanket. Cold sweat glistened on his skin. Worry turned Leo into the younger version of himself. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I wanted to make everyone happy. I’m sorry, please, please, I’m sorry.”
“What happened?”
“I hurt them, remember? I trampled on their dreams and forged my songs into weapons for them to kill each other.”
Izumi became silent. Their past had left a few fading scars that had yet to heal on Leo's body. Even when Leo tried to hide them, Izumi couldn’t help but notice the uneven skin around Leo’s fingers. He winced; the pain in his heart stung until it was palpable. The swords Izumi thought had been left behind on stage were stabbing his heart, blaming him for the hurt he caused Leo a few years back.
But they had a broken past, not a cursed future. Izumi took a deep breath, inhaling all the oxygen he could take before slowly exhaling through his mouth. “Leo-kun,” he breathed out softly. “Look at me.”
Leo turned to look at him with bloodshot eyes. The tears had dried up on his cheeks, but there were still dry traces. Izumi caressed Leo’s cheeks gently, wiping a tear from his left eye. “Come here,” he whispered, pulling Leo into a hug, his arms around Leo’s torso. “You’re okay,” Izumi carried out softly. “You’re safe. You’ve done your best to repent, Leo-kun. You deserve to be safe.”
Leo cried in his embrace, and Izumi let him. He let the tears spill on his shirt—the new one he bought a week ago, but Izumi didn’t mind. He only held Leo tighter. Nothing occupied his mind except the thought of Leo sleeping calmly tonight, softly snoring while curling up beside him. Izumi knew erasing the past was impossible, moreover to change it. He couldn’t fix anything, not the wound Leo suffered or the fact that Izumi had caused him pain. How many times had they ruined each other’s happiness in the past, declaring power when all they had were only one another?
Izumi reached for Leo’s wrist, his touch feather-soft. Their skin brushed, and the same electric current he once felt ran to his spine, along with a twinge of inevitable guilt. That he couldn’t mend, Izumi knew, but they had the future ahead of them. A blank canvas, waiting for the colors of their life. Izumi kissed Leo’s forearm softly, declaring his devotion with every kiss, each of them a vow to a forever together; a promise of joy and companionship, a pledge: even when the world crumbles, your embrace is my eternal abode.
“We’re here!”
Leo’s voice brought Izumi out of his nap. He blinked slowly, taking in his surrounding. The car stopped in the middle of a familiar parking lot, and Izumi knew right away it wasn’t their actual destination. “Why did you drive us here?”
“The dorms are boring! You would sleep once we arrive,” Leo answered. Izumi didn’t realize Leo had opened his door for him. “And I thought, what good would it be? We should never waste our time!”
“Resting is not a waste of time.” Izumi sighed. “This is a waste of time.”
Leo grinned. “It wouldn’t be.” He offered a hand to Izumi, entwining their fingers one they touched. “Come, Sena. Magic is waiting for us!”
“Magic, or something annoying?” Izumi frowned. Leo’s shenanigans were endless, and Izumi wouldn’t feel any ounce of surprise if he had something up his sleeves. “Don’t forget we have a reservation later, Leo-kun.”
“I won’t. You wouldn’t let me!” Leo laughed. He led the two of them along an almost vacant corridor, passing by a few people who regarded them. Pride bloomed in Izumi’s chest. They had come so far.
Once they stopped, Leo turned to him; lips stretched wide as he smiled ear to ear, opening the door behind him. “Behold, Sena, the magic of nostalgia!”
Nostalgia was an empty classroom—the place where they first met. It had a few changes, but Izumi knew the crooks on the wall too well to not recognize it. The classroom looked livelier. Were he to stumble upon it in this condition in the past, Izumi probably wouldn’t have rehearsed here.
“It’s empty,” Izumi announced, which sounded stupid. “Where are the students?”
Leo shrugged. “I don’t know. But I expected this!”
Izumi looked around. “I don’t think we should push the desks away,” he said. Leo pouted. “What?”
“I was planning to do that.”
He couldn’t stop the laugh from escaping. “We aren’t students here anymore, Leo-kun. This is somebody else’s classroom now.“
“But we need to relive our memories!” Leo shook his head. “Come on, Sena! We’re still young! A little bit of trouble is the bare minimum!”
“Don’t get us into any trouble now, you fool.” Izumi flicked Leo’s forehead softly. “We have to meet the others later.”
“Boo! Party pooper! Loosen up a little!”
“I’m a professional.”
“Throw that to the window, Sena! Don’t be one here!”
Izumi threw an abandoned eraser at him. “Shut up.”
“That’s the spirit!” Leo’s laugh boomed in the empty room. He sat at the teacher’s desk. “It’s been a while, huh?”
“Ever since we used the studio, we don’t come here anymore.”
“We’ve grown up,” Leo muttered. His gaze turned wistful, staring at the crowd of students outside. “We’re barely teenagers anymore.”
Izumi doubted the word teenager could even describe them. They hadn’t reached their mid-twenties yet, but teenager was a title they had left behind. “Young adults suit us more.”
“Do you miss it?”
Izumi knew the meaning behind Leo’s question, but he still frowned and asked. “Miss what?”
“Youth.” Leo looked at him. “School. The happy times we forgot.”
“I don’t know,” Izumi answered. He turned to look at the window. “Why are you asking, anyway?”
Silence sat heavily between them. Izumi glanced at Leo, but he wasn’t looking at him. Leo fixed his eyes on the wall, his fingers absently fiddling with the folds of his shirt. Neither of them spoke. The only sound in the room was the ruckus muffled by the windows.
“Sometimes I wonder what could have happened,” Leo prompted, “if we didn’t meet. Suppose I didn’t wander and found you, and we would still be strangers until now…. I tried to picture it once.”
“How was it?”
Leo laughed grimly. “I couldn’t imagine it. I couldn’t picture me without you.”
Izumi didn’t speak, but his heart danced a little when he heard Leo's answer. He didn’t know he felt tense before he saw his clenched fist. Izumi wanted to say: me either. A life without you seems impossible. But he kept silent, watching as the sun slowly hid behind the tall buildings. Somehow, the light spilled like memories; Izumi could see the desks and chairs on the corner with Leo sprawled on the ground. Izumi was beside him, humming a song Leo had recently finished. Leo sang along with him, their voices raw and tuneless, but they were happy with what they had.
This room was silent evidence of their happiness, the days where they only had each other, and it was enough. The days before their world started to crumble and their joy dissolved─before he turned into a greedy being, and Leo became a ruthless king who tore and broke everything that stood in their way,
“I wouldn’t change anything,” Izumi mumbled, “if we had the chance to turn back time. I would still be practicing alone in this classroom.”
He could feel Leo’s eyes on him, but Izumi was too embarrassed to turn back. Leo said softly. “I would keep coming back to find you too.”
Izumi didn’t need to see it. He could hear Leo walking his way, his footsteps calm and quiet. Izumi watched as Leo’s reflection stepped into his sight, the distance between them slowly decreasing. Under the sunset, inside Izumi’s mind, the world ceased until only two of them existed.
“I want to live through forever with you, Sena,” Leo whispered. He took Izumi’s hand in his, their fingers fitting perfectly together. “If we lived another life, I want my soul to seek yours.”
Before Izumi could allow a word out, Leo’s lips melted into his; their lips touched, but neither moved. Izumi listened to the sound of their breathing falling into the same rhythm. Leo broke free after a few seconds, their foreheads leaning against each other. Izumi shuddered under Leo’s touch, the warmth of his fingers spreading onto his body and gradually reaching his heart. “Marry me, Leo-kun.”
“Marry me, Sena.”
They froze, then erupted into a fit of laughter. Izumi couldn’t remember the last time he laughed so hard until tears sprang to his eyes. Leo’s face was red; he kept exhaling and inhaling with giggles spilling from his lips. Out of all possibilities, the impulsive urge they shared was a marriage proposal.
“I can’t believe you thought of the same thing!”
“It was the perfect moment.” Izumi tried to compose himself, but the surprised expression Leo had earlier pushed him to laugh again. “Gosh. You should have looked at yourself.”
“I didn’t expect you to propose too,” Leo said. He let out a loud sigh, finally handling his laughter. “I thought you would complain and… I don’t know! I thought you’d demand a ring! Proposing with no ring? You have high standards in romance, Sena!”
“I don’t. A ring is the standard of a proposal,” Izumi corrected. “But I don’t have a ring on me either.”
“Wait!”
Leo ran to the teacher’s desk without saying another word, rummaging through the drawers hastily. Izumi observed with a frown as Leo shouted aha! and hid under the table. Curiously, Izumi walked up to him. “What did you find?”
“A substitute!” Leo exclaimed. He crawled to where Izumi stood. “We’ll have to make do with this for now.”
With his hands stretched out, Leo knelt on one knee. On his right hand was a ring, made from wrinkled and used paper, presented to a baffled Izumi. “Marry me, Sena,” Leo recited. “Marry me and let the world know you are half of my soul.”
Leo’s beauty, Izumi witnessed, transcended even the goddess of beauty herself. It stunned Izumi how captivating Leo was with his delicate features under the dim light; his lips pulled into a gentle smile, and confidence crowded his eyes. Leo knew he wouldn’t dare to reject him.
“I’ll marry you,” he said. “And declare to the world, you are half of my soul.”
Izumi threw his arms around Leo’s neck and kissed him gently. Leo smiled against his lips. “I love you, Sena,” he whispered. “And I know you love me. I know you have always loved me.”
They parted, grinning widely with their noses nuzzling. Izumi felt like his heart could burst from contentment. This was the moment Izumi─the two of them, had been waiting for. This was the opening of their ending, the juncture where they became one to begin a new chapter of life. They had lived in despair. They loved in the shadow. They had fallen, lost in the storm of juvenile desire and vain anger. But despite everything, they found their way back to each other, and this time, with certainty, Izumi understood they could conquer anything as long they were together.
“How are we going to tell the others?” Leo mused. “We should surprise them!”
Izumi laughed. “We’ll have to get real rings first, silly.” He pinched Leo’s nose, backing away. “Proposal over. We have a reservation waiting.”
“Aaah!” Leo sulked. “Don’t ruin the moment, Sena!”
“I’m not ruining it. We have a lot to plan.”
His pout shifted into a sly smile. “You can’t wait to marry me, huh?”
“I didn’t say that!” Izumi snapped, face reddening and arms folded. “I only want things to go smoothly.”
But Leo didn’t hear him. He tackled Izumi with a hug. “You’re so cute, Sena! Even Mozart will be jealous of me now! I love you!”
“What─you’re suffocating me, stupid!”
“I love you!”
“I love you too,” Izumi murmured. “Now come on, we’re gonna be late!”
“What did you say?”
“We’re gonna be late.”
“No, before that!”
“I said I love you, you fool. Hurry, let me go!”
It took everything in him not to wipe Leo’s ridiculous grin from his face. “This is the best day of my life!” Leo exclaimed. He freed Izumi out of his embrace. “Sena and I are getting married soon!”
“Shut up,” Izumi chided, grabbing Leo’s hand. “Quit being so dramatic.”
“I’m happy!” Leo protested. “Aren’t you, Sena?”
I am, Izumi thought. I have never been happier. “Whatever,” he instead said, dragging Leo outside─but not without rosy cheeks and a smile on his face.