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It doesn’t happen on their first date.
The electricity crackles beneath the surface, threatening to burst within them both, but they don’t. Time heeds a hefty warning, reminding them it’s too soon, and deep in their chests, mingled with their romantic spark for each other, there lies a fear that tells them – He doesn’t reciprocate. So, they don’t. Chris and Darren never kiss on their first date.
Of course, then, they don’t call it a date.
They thoroughly enjoy the dinner and concert together, lively with easy conversation, shameless flirting, and silly dancing. Chris thinks he’s never felt so comfortable around someone else. Or free. Twenty years worth of building and plastering walls around himself, and yet he bizarrely welcomes this outsider in.
The two dedicate precious time getting to know each other. Chris inquires about A Very Potter Musical and Starkid. Darren asks about working on the show. When the awkward edge wears off and they no longer feel like strangers, they dig deeper. They ask oddly personal questions for a first date, and yet, it’s easy. No tension. No nervousness. At ease.
But it’s all seemingly friendly. The flirtation is frequent, and strong, and obvious, and they feel it, but they don’t address it.
At the end of the night, when Darren drops Chris off at home, the scene nearly plays out like a cheesy rom-com. Chris thinks about all the romantic B-movies he’s cringed watching but secretly loves. His nerves are alight with a newfound excitement. A la rom com, he slides his key into his front door carefully, swings open the door, and then swivels his body around to face Darren once again. Darren stands at the bottom of the front steps, bright grin and gold eyes shining on his face. Chris’s heart jumps, and even though he’s spent an entire lifetime shushing it – ah, young loves – this time, he lets his heart be.
He smiles sheepishly, and when Darren shoves his hands in his pocket, looking incredibly and unfairly handsome, Chris experiences that too familiar feeling in his chest that tells him he’s crushing.
“So,” Chris pronounces, exhaling a cold breath. He swallows audibly. The air around them is chilly (or Los Angeles chilly, anyway), and Chris’s leather jacket does not suffice. But his body warms considerably just looking at Darren, and he takes the initiative and descends the stairs to meet Darren at eye level.
“So,” Darren breathes.
“Ready to be Blaine Anderson tomorrow? To look dapper in a blazer and make everyone swoon?”
“Born ready,” Darren responds confidently. “Ready for this new romance?”
“You really think they’ll end up together?”
“I hope so.”
A short silent moment passes between them, but it’s far from uncomfortable. Chris doesn’t realize it then, but he’ll have a lifetime of feeling as though he and Darren speak volumes in the intimate quiet.
Chris breaks the silence. “It’s been great getting to know the boy behind Harry Freakin’ Potter. Thanks.”
“You’re welcome,” Darren replies, and his tone is gentlemanly, caring, a slice of the personality he’s soon to take on as Blaine. Darren quickly jumps back to his joking manner, however. “But that’s man to you.”
They laugh together, and Chris’s newfound crush picks at his chest again. His betraying heart increases speed. Chris thinks – Now. This is it.
This is the moment it would happen, had they truly been in a movie. Darren would lean forward and lightly press his lips against Chris’s, and Chris would be thoroughly shocked at first, arms at his side. But then, he would happily respond, pressing his lips more fervently against Darren’s and wrapping his arms around Darren’s neck.
Their movie would play out that way.
But this isn’t a movie. And it doesn’t happen.
“Good night,” Darren says instead. Chris’s spirit deflates.
“Good night,” Chris replies, feigning nonchalance. His smile unintentionally falters. Darren waves politely and walks away, and Chris turns and enters his home. He slumps against his door and sighs heavily. What a fucking idiot, he thinks and groans loudly. He remembers why he cringes so much during those movies.
---
Chris and Darren inevitably settle into an exciting and compatible friendship that leads to too many long phone calls and plentiful texts and deep conversations and hearty laughs. Their chemistry fizzles and bubbles, often threatening to spill over and consume them. But if anything, it leads to a heavy romantic attraction between their characters, their own personal romance left behind. There’s sexual tension between them, and it’s heavy and evident. They play it off, however. Although, their friends roll their eyes at their obliviousness.
“You two are idiots,” they say. Both men feign confusion.
They grow tight-knit and incredibly fond of each other, but they’re both afraid.
Chris can’t quite tell how Darren feels. He can hardly even decipher Darren’s sexuality. Not to mention, he’s sure that even if Darren were interested in men, he’d never even think twice about dating Chris. Fucking insecurities.
Chris himself tries to date. Coffee. Dinners. Movies. But with Darren constantly on his mind, no one sticks. He can’t do it. His lack of success with others aches. His chest twinges deeply with the pains of an unrequited love.
He swears sometimes that Darren must know about his feelings, but nothing happens. He begins to feel as though perhaps, nothing ever will. He harbors the romantic hope any infatuated person inhabits, but he’s content with their close friendship.
It happens, however, on New Year’s.
Ryan invites the entire cast and crew to a party in his home. They all gather to reign in 2011 together. Chris arrives alone, eager and excited and handsomely dressed in form-fitting gray slacks and a black button-down. It’s late and dark outside, but Chris feels invigorated, awake. 2010 bore witness to fantastic things for him, and he’s grateful. But 2011 will be new and fresh, and although he’s not a big fan of the ‘new year! new me!’ resolution, he does enjoy the idea of his life story flipping to a new chapter.
He mingles with his friends, a thrilling energy abuzz in the room, and it leaves him fulfilled, happy. A smile plays at his lips the entire time (okay, he’s admittedly tipsy), and Chris feels satisfied in a way he never did in Clovis. He has a job, and he’s pretty successful at it, and he’s surrounded by love and friendship.
With an hour left ‘til midnight, Darren’s arrival is met with loud clamors of “Darren! You’re finally here!” and Chris is grinning before he’s even laid eyes on Darren. His chest swells with excitement. He’s had a wonderful night with his friends, and his best friend has just arrived. He feels oddly elated. He fantasizes being daring enough to ask for a midnight kiss, but. He knows he won’t. He turns to face Darren, wearing a bright wide smile. But his smile immediately falls.
Darren stands at the doorway, cruelly gorgeous with his curls set free. He’s as handsome as ever with a crisp white dress shirt and khaki-colored pants that look as though they were painted on him. Chris’s heart thumps painfully. Darren is everything Chris longed to see, but with a beautiful woman on his arm, he suddenly becomes the reason Chris’s heart drops to his stomach. Chris is overwhelmed with an unbelievable hurt, and if he could, he thinks he would rip his heart out of his body, take the invisible knife Darren’s pressed in it, and end all emotion.
He hurts deeply, but actor as he is, he doesn’t let it show.
“Chris!” Darren calls excitedly, and Chris forces a grin back on his face.
He approaches Darren. “Hi,” he exhales. Chris doesn’t see when Darren’s smile shines a little brighter.
“Hi,” Darren replies, and he swiftly turns to face his date, ready to introduce her, but Chris doesn’t feel ready, will never feel quite ready. His eyes sweep Darren’s date quickly. He hurriedly interrupts. “Excuse me. I’ll be right back. Two seconds.”
He feigns he has to use the bathroom. Instead, Chris leaves. Not the party, but the room. Tears prick at his eyes, and he feels an urgency to go. Walk out and cry and push Darren out of his mind. Out of his chest, out of his heart, and out of the space Darren has sewn into his goddamned soul. He needs that girl out of his head. He wants to tear all love out of his heart. He feels young and naïve and stupid.
He runs up the stairs and hastily opens the door to Ryan’s guest bedroom. His breath is heavy, and he hunches over. He’s fine. He just… he no longer wants to feel.
He sits on Ryan’s guest bed for a few minutes, eyes closed. Chris inhales deeply, struggling to swallow his hurt. He never thought Darren would bring anyone. He never even so much as considered Darren was dating. Again, naïve.
But it doesn’t matter. Like Kurt, he’s very much made this all up in his head, and although he cannot will his feelings away, he can kill his hope and call his crush quits. It’s unfair to Darren to resent him for dating, but it’s even more unfair to himself to endure this pain.
“You’re fine,” he says aloud, mindlessly brushing off his pants. “You’re okay.”
His heart stings deeply once more, thoughts of going back downstairs, feigning happiness, and hiding heartbreak. But he knows himself. He’s strong, and he can do this. He’s no lovesick teenager. Hiding in a room alone, he’s being childish. He should have known by now Darren truly wasn’t interested. Chris stands, ready to leave. He takes a minute to recompose himself.
As he reaches for the door, however, it clicks open, and Darren enters, swiftly closing the door behind him, inciting Chris’s heart to beat a little faster. If Chris does not control it, he thinks, it may beat out of his chest. He chastises his own heart.
“What are you doing here?” Darren asks, and Chris scrunches his eyebrows playfully, confused.
“What are you doing here?” he asks accusatorily.
“I saw you came upstairs,” Darren shrugs. “I followed you. It’s loud down there. And hectic. Too many people.”
Chris laughs. His chest suddenly feels light and airy, but he doesn’t forget that there’s someone downstairs waiting for Darren. “You like loud, hectic, and too many people. That’s my excuse.”
“Maybe I needed a breather,” Darren suggests. His voice sounds unsure. He buries his hands in his pockets and shrugs his shoulders.
“You just got here,” Chris reminds him.
Darren steps closer. “It’s not as fun down there without you.”
Stop, Chris scolds his racing heart.
“Sit with me for a minute,” Darren pleads.
“Mm,” Chris hums softly. He knows he shouldn’t indulge, but he sits down on the bed again, patting the empty side beside him gently. “I was gonna go back downstairs.”
Darren sits next to him, nodding. “It’s better up here.”
They aren’t looking at each other, but the silence that takes over still runs heavy with quiet communication. But they misunderstand each other. Neither hears the other say If only…
They simultaneously break the silence. Chris cuts right to the chase. Darren answers his question without being asked.
“So, is that your girlfr--?”
“We're dating."
Chris gulps softly. He can’t help the resurfacing hurt. His eyes remain on his lap, his fingers nervously ghosting over his pants. “I’m surprised you didn’t tell me you were dating. I thought we talked about everything.”
“I didn’t want to tell you.”
Chris shakes his head, confused. He jokes. “Ouch, that’s the mark of a bad friendship.”
Darren remains serious, however. “No, it’s not. I just couldn’t tell you…”
“Why not?”
“Well... because I’ve tried dating but nobody clicks. With me. Nobody stays. Why would I tell you about anybody who doesn't last longer than two dates?” Chris understands, of course. For entirely different reasons, he’s sure. “She doesn’t click either,” Darren continues. “I probably won’t see her after tonight. I think she knows it.”
“Sorry to hear that.”
Chris turns his head up to look at Darren, and sensing eyes on him, Darren returns the glance. It’s difficult, Chris finds, to quell his heart when looking into those eyes. A honey gold dripping with sweet, sweet promise. Damn it. Having feelings for your best friend sucks.
Chris’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. “Why are you telling me this?” He asks. He glimpses down at Darren’s chest, purposefully avoiding those shining eyes. But Darren’s whisper pulls his glance back up.
“Chris…”
Chris raises his eyebrows in response, his face silently responding with a clear ‘Yeah?’ The moment is pregnant with intimacy, and Chris’s skin tingles with it.
Darren slides closer to him. “Chris,” Darren repeats. “Don’t you know?”
Chris notices the two small freckles on the bridge of Darren’s nose. He has a sudden urge to kiss them tenderly.
“Know what?” Chris asks quietly, mimicking Darren’s soft tone. Darren leans forward.
This is it.
Except Chris doesn’t realize. His heart picks up a quicker pace. His pulse beats out of his chest. His body reacts accordingly. But his logic doesn’t see. He’s hurt and insecure and scared as all hell—Darren scares him—so he refuses to let himself down once again. This is not a fucking rom-com. Happy endings are for movies.
“What?” Chris inquires again, whispering. But Darren doesn’t answer.
Darren’s close, his face inches away from Chris’s. Chris unconsciously pulls back a little. So, Darren reaches his hand up and cradles Chris’s cheek gently, pulling them closer together. Chris gulps. It clicks. Fuck, he thinks. This is it.
Darren’s eyes are on Chris’s lips, and shortly thereafter, Darren’s testing the waters. He kisses the corner of Chris’s mouth softly. Chris doesn’t respond.
Darren closes his eyes. His lips press harder. Driven. He moves his hands to Chris’s waist, pulling their bodies closer together. Closing the little space left between them.
Chris’s eyes close of their own accord. He makes a soft sound, and he lets himself feel.
Darren takes Chris’s bottom lip between his own. And Chris doesn’t know when he began, but suddenly, he’s kissing back passionately. Wounding his arms around Darren’s neck. Pushing his tongue into Darren’s mouth. Pulling their bodies flush together. Giving in wholeheartedly.
After a few long minutes, Darren’s mouth travels down Chris’s jaw, leaving affectionate kisses and gentle nips in their wake. “Know what?” Chris asks again, teasing. He laughs quietly, eyes still closed.
“Know that I’m incredibly stupid,” Darren answers between kisses, “and should have done that way before.”
“Oh yeah, I did know that actually.”
Darren chuckles against Chris’s skin. He leaves one last kiss on Chris’s neck before he captures Chris’s mouth in his once again.
Surprisingly, nobody comes looking for them. Maybe everyone’s hopeful that this new year has brought Chris and Darren new revelations.
They count down to the new year together, right there in Ryan’s guest bedroom. 2011 finds them laying side by side, lips locked, hearts full with their new love and this new beginning.
Three years later, Chris laughs when Darren tells him that the fans think they kissed on their first date. Chris slips into Darren’s lap and peeks a look at Darren's laptop, where Tumblr and Twitter are rife with fans' so-called headcanons. Chris smacks Darren playfully across the chest.
“They don’t know,” He pokes Darren's chest after every word, "that you made me wait.”
Darren wraps both arms loosely around Chris’s waist. His jaw drops in mock offense and shock. “You made me wait."
“Me? I was practically asking you to kiss me that night. You’re the one who walked away.”
“I couldn’t read you. You weren’t sending me all the signs or whatever.”
Chris playfully glares at him. “Sure, Darren.”
Darren laughs. He clears his throat loudly and asks, “Was it worth the wait?” With a playful smirk on his lips, he wiggles his eyebrows jokingly.
As he's done since the first day they met, Chris teases him. “Absolutely not,” He answers and then leans down and kisses Darren softly.