Archive of Our Own ^beta

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As the mysterious looking Ruby who had a gem where its other eye should be emerged from this mysterious Ruby Roaming Eye ship, Steven and Garnet led the others into the barn, making sure to be unseen. 

"Is that another Ruby?" asked Rebecca "Garnet, does your Ruby know her?" "I'm afraid not" said Garnet "the only other rubies Ruby had ever known were her old crew from Homeworld. Most rubies never stray too far from their assigned squad." 

The one eyed ruby leapt out the ship and growled as she stomped on. Another ruby, this one with its gem on its right arm made punching and kicking motions before leaping out and grabbing a flower, kicked it and cartwheeled away.

"I don't like that one. You're supposed to be nice to flowers" Rebecca grumbled quietly. A third Ruby then made her appearance, with her gem where a navel would normally be, just like with Steven's gem.

The Ruby With A Navel looked around with excitement and said "What a lovely planet!" She then skipped merrily out of the ship. "This one's less grumpy than the other two, can we keep her?" asked Rebecca.

"That'd probably be a bad idea" Steven advised "she might seem nice, but something about her feels...off." A fourth ruby, with her gem on her left leg emerged "Wait! So, we just get out and walk around?"

Her question was answered by her being shoved by a fifth and final ruby, one with her gem on her chest and a yellow visor over her eyes "Now where's the gem our scanners locked into!? Let's fan out and search the area."

"Okay, this isn't so bad, they're like, what, three feet high? We just kick 'em and we're good" said Steven. "I wouldn't do that, don't let their size fool you, remember, I'm part ruby" said Garnet "rubies were designed as security, if they could be easily disposed of like that, they'd have been discontinued." 

"And besides, Amethyst is of comparable height and she's proven herself quite capable time and time again" said Pearl. "Okay, yeah, bad idea..." Steven admitted. 

Meanwhile, Peridot was shivering "I knew it, they're after me! This is the end of the line!" "You really weren't kidding" Lapis commented while looking outside. 

"I disobeyed an order from Yellow Diamond and called her a clod...to her face!" Peridot lamented. "Oh, honestly, you call everyone a clod" Pearl chided. 

"Yes, but not everyone has command over Homeworld's armies who are all waiting for an order from her to eliminate me!" said Peridot. Peridot scampers to a box of baseball equipment, dumps it and hide inside the box.

"Alright, Solid Snake, calm down" said Steven "we're not gonna let anything happen to you, alright?" "But, haven't I caused you enough trouble?" asked Peridot.

"Hey, before you, Amethyst was causing trouble on a daily basis" said Steven. "Ugh, so I put a loaf of bread in the dishwasher one time!" Amethyst grumbled.

"And besides, Peridot, it's our sworn duty to protect everything and everyone that calls this planet home" said Garnet "and that includes clods like you." "That's my word" Peridot gasped.

"Listen up everyone, I have a plan" said Garnet "or should I say WE have a plan." Garnet held up her hands giggling as light enveloped her body and separated into Ruby and Sapphire.

"Ruby! Sapphire!" Pearl and Amethyst commented. "Huuuuuuuugs!" said Rebecca running up and hugging Ruby and Sapphire both. "Hello Rebecca!" Sapphire giggled.

"Oh, I'm starting to pick up what you're laying down!" said Steven. "Really? 'Cuz I'm not" said Amethyst "what's the plan?" Sapphire turned to Ruby "You got this, just act casual." "Yeah. Casual." Ruby responded.

Ruby awkwardly sidestepped out of the barn and stood next to the Ruby With The Bellybutton Gem. "Focus Rubies!" said The Commanding Ruby "This is an important mission from Yellow Diamond, so we can't mess this up!"

"Erm, How do you do, fellow rubies? What are...what are we all doing here?" asked Ruby. The ruby with her gem on her leg raised her hand "Yeah, what ARE we all doing here?"

"We're here to retrieve the leader of the Earth Mission" said The Commanding Ruby "hey, wait a minute...it seems like there are more of us than usual!" Ruby cringed in fear, believing she had been caught.

"There's supposed to be five of us" said The Ruby With Her Gem On Her Belly. "Five rubies" The Ruby with the gem on her arm confirmed. The Commanding Ruby than began counting the rubies in front of her.

"One, two, three, four...five!" The Commanding Ruby counted all the rubies in front of her except for herself "Ha! Never mind!" "I love my Ruby-wuby, but her gem type is so easy to outsmart" Sapphire whispered.

Ruby sighed in relief, Sapphire's strategy worked, she felt a little guilty for doubting it for a second. "The leader of the Earth Mission must be around here somewhere" said the Commanding Ruby.

"Well, uh, she's definitely not in that barn" said Ruby, before realizing that she had given away her friends position. "Whoa, I didn't see that before, maybe we SHOULD look around there" said the Commanding Ruby.

"Uh, I'll go by myself!" said Ruby, hastily. She quickly dashed off into the Barn. "Buh-bye!" said The Ruby with the Navel Gem.  

Chapter Text

"They wanna search The Barn!" Ruby warned. "Yeah, we could hear you, we saw the whole thing" said Steven. "I'm scared!" Peridot panicked. Amethyst held up a baseball bat "Let's ambush them!" 

"No. No one needs to get hurt. Let's be sensible" said Sapphire. "What do I do?" said Ruby, unsure of herself. "Just go out and tell them that this is a place where humans live" said Sapphire.

"Pretty sure they're not gonna care about that" said Steven "but, I guess I could go out with Ruby and she could use me as evidence or something?" "Me too!" said Rebecca. 

"Now I know that's not a good idea, I mean, you could probably hold your own against them, but they're still non corrupted gems..." said Steven. 

Ruby then came out carrying Rebecca in one hand and dragging Steven in the other and presented them to the Ruby Squad "I checked the barn and there was nothing in there but a bunch of humans. Hah!"

"Yup, just plain 'ol ordinary humans" said Steven "doing whatever it is you gems think we do." "Hi!" Rebecca waved. The Commanding Ruby looked sceptical "Really?"

"Looks like we failed, time to go back home, huh?" suggested Ruby. "I think we'd better double check. You remember what happened last time" said The Commanding Ruby. "L-last time?" asked Ruby.

All the other rubies began laughing. "Oh Ruby, you're so forgetful!" said The Ruby With The Belly Gem. "Alright, search the barn" The Commanding Ruby commanded. "Yes Ruby!" All Rubies except for Ruby cried.

"Wait! You can't!" said Ruby "because, uh, because uh..." "Because you have to play baseball first!" Rebecca interjected. All the rubies looked at each other. "Baseball?" Steven whispered to Rebecca.

"It was the first thing that popped into my head" Rebecca whispered back. "Erm, yeah! Baseball!" said Steven, giving in and playing along with his daughter's idea "you're on Earth, which means you'll have to play by Earth Laws! This Barn is my property, and no authorities of any kind can search someone's property without a warrant and if you don't have a warrant, you need to beat the owners of the property in a game of baseball!" 

"Base...ball?" asked the Commanding Ruby. "Yup, it's a human ritual and a legally binding contract" said Steven.

"And in your case, if you win, you can come into our barn, but if you lose, you have to leave and never bother us again!" said Rebecca "since you're new around here, we'll explain how it works!"

Back in The Barn Steven explained the slight change of plan. "Baseball!?" All the gems repeated. "Sorry, everybody, I just said the first thing popped in my head" Rebecca apologized. 

"No, no, no, I think we can make this plan work" said Steven. "I saw this as a possibility, although I am still surprised that this is the path we're taking" said Sapphire. Steven then blew a whistle. 

"We'll, now that there's no way out of it, my knowledge of the sport will see us through to victory!" Steven took out the baseball equipment which included uniforms "now suit up and pretend to be human, except for you Peridot, you stay here."

"Can do!" said Peridot, hiding inside another box. "Alright, and Lapis?" asked Steven. "This plan sucks, but I'll go along with it anyway" said Lapis "but only because it's Rebecca's plan and I like Rebecca." 

"Yay!" Rebecca cheered. 

Steven, Rebecca, Pearl, Amethyst, Sapphire and Lapis all came out of the barn wearing baseball uniforms. Ruby took her place among the other rubies. "Alright, Human Team Rollcall!" Steven called out "Steven!"

"Rebecca!" "Earl!" "Amy!" "Bob!" "And Sophie!" "Understood! Our team is The Rubies" said The Commanding Ruby "our team is made up of...Ruby!" "Ruby!" "Ruby!" "Ruby!" "Ruby!" "And Ruby!"

"Okay, now that we've established our teams, here's the rules" said Steven "We each take turns on offence and defence. The team on offence tries to hit the ball that the team on defence throws, using this bat. If the bat is hit, they move towards each base each time the ball is hit. If they run around all the bases, including home base, they get what's called a run, whichever team gets the most runs wins!"

"Sounds simple enough" said The Commanding Ruby. "Then let's play ball!" said Steven. 

Chapter Text

Heya folks! It's your 'ol pal Sunstone filling in for the author today. He couldn't make it today, he's a little...tied up at the moment...

Help! Help! Somebody! Help! This psycho came out of my computer and tied me to my chair! Call the police! 

Ha ha ha! We here at LMasterm1nd productions have fun here, folks! But enough about that! Now, some of you may be wondering "Sunstone, how are you existing if Steven and Garnet haven't fused this chapter?" 

Well, simply put, simply because I wanted to. Sardonyx is merely aware of the fourth wall, I destroy it completely, I'm just more awesome that way...and that's probably why you won't be seeing too much of me folks! 

It was in the author's notes, something about me being too OP and using me more often wouldn't make for good storytelling or something like that...but whatever, back to the story! 

It's the start of the first inning here at Middle Of Nowhere Stadium! The baseball diamond was ever so graciously donated by the Ruby Team, and the Roaming Eye serving as a Pitcher's Mound, which in my opinion gives the pitcher a height advantage, but whatever. 

We've got the ever so handsome Steven Universe, a third of yours truly, up on the pitcher's mound! I get my good looks from him! And up to bat is anther third of me, Ruby! I get my smouldering hot personality from her! 

The other rubies don't notice but Steven and Ruby have just winked at each other, what could that mean? Ruby readies her bat, it looks like she's aiming for a home run! 

"You get three times to hit the ball once it's pitched" said Steven "If you miss..." Steven throws the ball and Ruby purposefully misses it! Ah! What a shocker! Not for me, I know what's on Steven's, Ruby's and Sapphire's minds at all times!

"Strike one!" Amethyst calls out holding the ball in her catcher's mitt! First strike of the game and it seems Ruby's team is not having it! Especially the one with her gem on her arm, she's all like "Whaaaaaaat!?" 

Steven's winding up for another pitch, can Ruby strike the ball this time!? Oh! No! "Strike two!" Amethyst calls out. Ruby's got one more shot at it, can she turn things around!?

"Striiiiike three! You're out!" OH! And we've got our first out of the game, folks! Looks like Ruby's got some explaining to do to her team, and they do not look happy, they're glaring at her like a bunch of angry little chihuahuas! 

"Oh, darn, I guess I'm out" said Ruby. And there goes Sapphire, that little flirtatious third of me, blushing and waving at Ruby, ain't they a cute couple, folks? 

The arm gem Ruby is coming up to bat and ooooh! She just swatted Ruby aside like she was nothing! "You swung too slow!" The Armed Ruby is now up to bat and here comes the pitch!

WHAM! Oooooh! That's a home run, right there! and Arm Ruby is taking full advantage of it! Look at her go! Man, if you readers were actually here to see this, you'd be amazed by how fast this gem is running, she'd give an Olympic Medal Athlete a run of their money! 

Next up is the Belly Ruby! I don't like her. Can't say why, I just don't. "If the ball gets caught after being hit, that means you're out" said Steven, still explaining the game. Honestly though, we'd have a better chance at winning if that third of me didn't explain the rules.

The Belly Ruby hits the ball, it's flying and OH! Caught by Pearl! Nice catch, Needle Nose! Poor Belly Ruby, she's is sooooo outta here! Oh, it looks like Belly Ruby is waving at Steven, very creepily I might add. 

"Uh, why is she looking at me like that?" Steven is whispering to that Commander Ruby. "Oh, don't worry about her, she's an accidental" "An accidental?" "Yeah, sometimes Injectors at a Kindergarten glitch and they make one more gem than they were programmed to make, they've got no pre-planned serial number or nothing, and they're just thrown in to groups that are already full...and then there's our other new recruit, her old platoon was all destroyed on Earth."

And there was two healthy doses of exposition, one for the Belly Ruby, which was unimportant and will definitely have no effect in the future of the series whatsoever, and the one for the Eye Ruby, whose backstory you probably already know from this fanfic's source material, anyway let's get back to what you're really reading this for...SPORTS! 

The Eye Ruby hits the ball! She's going, going, Oh! Steven catches it and BAM she's tagged! "When you get tagged by the ball, you're out!" said Steven. Ooooh, and Eye Ruby is growling at him like an angry little chihuahua!

"Chill, it's just a game, jeez" said Steven. And there we have it for the first half of our first inning, we now move on to the second half after this quick commercial break!

This game is bought to you in part by: Tom's Proctology Clinic, where you're not just in good hands, our good hands are in you! 

Chapter Text

Aaaaaaand, we're back, folks! It's me, Sunstone, yet again! Defying the laws of physics by existing despite Garnet and Steven not being fused for the time being! We're back to the game folks!

This time, it's Team Earth up to bat, and first up we have the ever so adorable, Rebecca Universe! Look at her with that batter's helmet that's too big for her, that is the cutest thing I've ever seen, and I'm not just saying that because she's the daughter of one third of me! My other two thirds are her godmother, so I love Rebecca three times over! Go get 'em sweetheart! Hit the ball like in Tee-Ball! 

Here comes the pitch! and Yowza! Nice bunt! Go go go go! Rebecca, run as fast as your little legs can carry you! I believe in you, baby girl, woo! Yeah, just like in the major leagues! aaaaaaaannnnnnd... "Safe!" said Amethyst

Yeeeeeeeah, that's my girl! That's one third of my girl! Yeah! Beat that, ya stinking rubies! except for the one that's part of Garnet, you rule!

Next up to bat. chewing gum, is Amethyst, The Crystal Gems' wild card! What's she gonna do? Is she gonna play fair or is she gonna think of some cheap trick to win, because either way, I'm fine as long as we win! 

And The Boss Ruby pitches and WOW! Just as the bubble gum bubble Amethyst was blowing popped, she hit it right outta the park! Another run for Team Earth! Team Ruby can suck it! 

"Nice" Pearl commented giving Amethyst a high five as she reached home! Amethyst is playing by the rules and she nailed it! "Wow, that purple human is really good" The Leg Ruby commented.

"Yup, us humans are full of surprises" said Steven. Steven is now sitting on the bench and the Belly Ruby is staring at him once again. "Uh, can I help you?" asked Steven. "I dunno, you seem interesting" said Belly Ruby.

"Uh huh, well, I'm married, happily married" said Steven. "I don't know what that means!" The Belly Ruby replied with a giggle "but something about you seems familiar."

Up next is Sapphire "Heeeey Ruby!" she says with a giggle to her Ruby. Personally, I think this a bad time to flirt, because in my zero years as a baseball commentator, I know that flirting on the field always leads to disaster!

"Strike one!" The Commanding Ruby concluded, and boy was she right, Sapphire wasn't even focused! Baseball is the type of game you can't half-ass! Oh jeez, they're making goo-goo eyes at each other!

"Haven't I seen you somewhere before?" asked Ruby with a wink. "I don't know, I don't get off planet much" Sapphire replied all shy and reserved. Aaaaand there's strike two...Sapphire better stop flirting before-

"Strike three!" Yup, didn't need future vision to see that coming, I am so embarrassed! Let's ask Steve Madden what he thinks! Come on, Stevie!

Uh, you do know I'm a football commentator right? How did I get here anyway? Last I remember I was at a bar, you ordered me a drink and...wait, you didn't kidnap me, did you?

Uuuuuh, thanks! Madden! Great to have you here, buh-bye now!

On the field, Coach Steven is understandably facepalming! Lapis is giving a rather deadpan thumbs up. Team Ruby is on the offensive again! Commander Ruby is at third base and Eye Ruby hits the ball aaaaaand, nice catch by Lapis! Eye Ruby is out!

Next up to bat is Ruby, and there is Sapphire cheering her on. Come on, Ruby, don't be macho! Don't show off for her, she already loves you! Oooooh and she hits the ball and Team Ruby gets their first run!!!!

"What!?" Steven whispered to Ruby in an audible tone, poor Ruby is embarrassed, and she should be! All the other Rubies are now gathering around Ruby in excitement...good for them, whoop-de-freaking-do! 

Team Earth is once again up to bat, Lapis is playing very unenthusiastically, but at least she's able to get to first base as the Rubies are all tackling the ball. This isn't football you little red morons!

Ruby and Sapphire are still flirting, turning what was once a promising game for us, into an utter disaster! Coach Steven, please step in already! Oh! Looks like one of the Ruby's broke the bat, we're gonna take a small break folks!

This game is bought to you in part by: Clickbait Dental: How many objects can we fit in your mouth? The answer may surprise you!

(Hey, it's me, the author yet, while Sunstone's out doing god knows what, I'll take over...don't tell them I was writing) 

Steven went back inside the barn to take out a bat when Peridot reared her head "How's it going? Are we winning?" "Ummmm...." Outside, Ruby was giving Sapphire some tip on how to play...in an intimate fashion.

"What you gotta do is lead with your hips" Ruby instructed Sapphire Sapphire was using a branch to practice "That's pretty good. Let me show you again" said Ruby. 

"We're uh, we're doing just fine.." said Steven. "You're lying to me!" said Peridot. "Yeah...but it's to make you feel better!" "Thank you"

And we're back! It's the bottom of the ninth! Although Team Earth has had a great start, Team Ruby is in the lead 7 to 6! Coach Steven is currently in a huddle session with his team!

"Alright guys, we need to hit a home run! One more out and it's over!" said Steven "we have Lapis on second, a homer could put us back in the lead where we started" Oh! Looks like Steven has noticed Ruby and Sapphire flirting! 

Is he going to intervene? Yes! Yes he is, and it looks like he's calling a time out! Let's listen in!

"Listen, you two. I know it's hard being separated, but you just gotta pull through this, hit one home run and then you can go back to being Garnet" said Steven "so, please, no flirting!"

"And Ruby, stop being so cute!" Rebecca interjected "and Sapphire, please, keep an eye on the ball!" "Pun intended?" Ruby joked, much to Sapphire's amusement. "Hey, what did I say about being cute?" asked Rebecca.

The Game is back on, Sapphire's up to bat, she's still distracted by Ruby! Here comes the pitch and oooh! Swing and a miss! Strike one! "Come on, I know you can do it" Ruby encouraged. 

Here comes the second pitch and...nope, strike two. "Just look at the ball!" Ruby coached. "I'm trying, but all I want to look at is you!" Sapphire called back. "Don't worry, you can look at me while you're running home!"

Oh, looks like that struck a chord with Sapphire, she looks determined this time, but can this determination pull through!? Here comes the pitch! Sapphire readies herself, her powers have frozen the bat over aaaand!

Brilliant! Home Run! Home Run! Lapis is causally making her way home, while Sapphire isn't just running, but full on sprinting to Home plate! Go, blue gems, go! Go...go...yeah, you know what? I'm bored, later folks!

Hey, Author, you can have this episode back, I'm done. Being a sports commentator was fun for a little, but it's not my style. See ya in Reunited, Readers! We're gonna have lots of fun when that happens, annoying the hell out of Yellow and Blue Diamond, just you wait!

(Whew! I'm back...and seriously, Sunstone? Why did you spoil that? Ugh, well, better finish this episode up!) 

Lapis reaches home base, giving Ruby a high five with Sapphire coming up after her! "Yes! Come to me!" Ruby called out as Sapphire leapt graciously towards her, her single eye shedding a tear of joy. 

Sapphire landed into Ruby's arms, causing the two to tumble onto the ground...and refusing back to Garnet! Much to the shock of everyone. Team Earth looked back to the Ruby Squad, who was shocked and angered!

"Hahahahha! Ha ha....whoops" said Garnet. "They're gems!" said The Commanding Ruby. "We've been tricked!" The Arm Ruby concurred. "What a shocking turn of events" said the Ruby with a belly gem. 

The Eyed Ruby snarled. "H-huh? What?" said the confused Leg Ruby.

"Uh, no! You haven't been tricked...no..." said Steven "it's just gem activity on Earth caused a mutation in human DNA...?...you guys have no idea what I'm saying, do you?" "Nnnnope!" said The Ruby with her gem on her belly.

"Sorry guys, Game over" said Garnet. "That's it, Rubies, time to combine!" said the Commanding Ruby. The five rubies fused into a giant ruby that roared at Steven, Rebecca and the gems!

"Waaaaaait!" said Peridot running out of The Barn "Wait! Stop! Don't hurt them!" she fell flat on her face in the midst of running but got up and kept running "Please, please, it's me you're after right? I'm not gonna stand by and let my friends fight my battles!"

Steven pat Peridot on the head "That'll do, Peridot, that'll do." "Are YOU the peridot that was assigned to the failed Earth Mission?" asked the fused ruby. "I'm not sure if "failed is the right word for-"

"Where's Jasper!?" "J-Jasper? You're looking for Jasper?" "Correct!" "Wait, I'm the one who failed the mission, who called Yellow Diamond a clod, The New Leader of The Crystal Gems!"

"What?" said Pearl. "Yeah, that's kinda my thing, Peridot" said Steven "or at least it will be once I master my powers." "Tell us where Jasper is, NOW!" The fused ruby commanded.

"Jasper...hmm...I know where Jasper is!" said Peridot. "Tell us!" said The fused Ruby. "She's um...um!" "She's in Uranus!" said Steven "like, really, really deep in there!"

The fused Ruby was silent, as Steven crossed his fingers hoping they'd buy it. "Well why didn't you just say so?" asked The Giant Ruby who then unfused. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. 

"We all here? One...two...three...four..." The Commanding Ruby paused for a moment but then pointed to herself "five!" "Let's move out, soldiers!" said the Arm Ruby. 

"What a lovely sounding planet, oh and you...big human guy...buh-bye" The Belly Ruby said in an ominous tone. "But we just got heere" said The Leg Ruby, groaning like a child about to leave an amusement park. 

"Let's go, newbie!" said The Commanding Ruby. "Thank you" said The One Eyed Ruby in a strained voice, glaring at Steven, before joining the other rubies on the ship before it took off. 

The Roaming eye popped out of the ground and then flew away into the sky. 

"Hey, is it just me or did I hear Sunstone's voice while we were playing?" asked Steven. "Oh, Steven, don't be silly, Sunstone can only exist when you and Garnet are fused" said Pearl. 

"No, I heard it too, something tells me Sunstone should be used even more sparingly than Sugilite, they may not be as physically strong than her, but their potential power could make Sugilite look like a teddy bear" said Garnet. 

"But those gems, huh? Man, Rubies are dumb" said Amethyst. "Not all of them" said Garnet.