Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Grian sucked in a breath between his teeth as his stomach rumbled loudly at him. He rubbed his stomach, hoping that would get it to calm down, but obviously that didn't work. He needed food. Unfortunately, his bank account was trending towards zero at the moment. He needed to work on some more commissions so he could get paid. It was hard to work on anything with an empty stomach though.

Grian placed his tablet pen down on his desk and got up, passing by his easel that only seemed to collect dust, various paint tubes scattered on the floor. He went into the kitchen and looked in the fridge to find a few scattered condiments and nothing else. His roommate hadn't bought anything. Grian hadn't even seen him lately, actually. Rent was coming up soon so he hoped he would show up.

That didn't solve his hunger problem, which was far more urgent than his missing roommate. He looked at his banking app on his phone. He had a few dollars to spend, the rest already allocated to his half of the rent. Which meant he could only afford something from the gas station. He pulled on his red sneakers and headed out the door of his apartment.

Grian headed down the stairs, elevators are the worst, and out onto the street. It was hot today. He hardly noticed when he was locked up in his room drawing all the time, but the sun was beating down on him. He was wearing the least appropriate clothes for this sort of weather, a red jumper and dark jeans. He should've checked the weather report before leaving, too late now.

Grian vaguely wondered what he would get to eat and if Cub would be there. Cub was the manager at the local gas station and Grian's long time friend. At least Grian thought of them as friends. He sort of collected friends all over the place. In any case, Cub turned a blind eye to Grian sometimes taking a five finger discount. Other times he bought Grian a snack. Hopefully he'd be there to help Grian out. Otherwise his choices were extremely limited.

The gas station was just up ahead. Grian walked past the gas pumps and into the store. The door was wide open, a fan blowing the air around. The A/C must be on the fritz again. Grian felt bad for whoever was working in this heat. He looked at the front counter and saw someone he had never seen before.

"Why hello there!" The man cheerfully said. He had short brown hair and some sort of dark eyes, but that wasn't the most striking thing about his appearance. He had several scars across his face. It was a little hard to look at, honestly. That made Grian feel instantly guilty. He shouldn't judge someone by their appearance.

"Hi! Are you new here?" Grian asked the man, walking up towards the counter. He had to get a gage for this employee. If they seemed like the type to stick around, then Grian should be friendly with him. Always good to get another employee on his side. It wasn't worth the effort if he quit in two weeks though.

"You could say that." The man nodded his head. "Cub trained me yesterday and he was supposed to train me today, but he had an emergency and left me alone."

"Really?" Grian sighed. This is why everyone kept quitting. Honestly Grian would quit too if he was left alone on his second day. This man hardly seemed bothered though. Grian leaned in to get a look at his nametag. "Scar?"

"That's my name, don't wear it out." Scar smirked at him.

Was that the name his parents gave him or a nickname? Because it seemed ironic considering the state of his face. "Okay, nice to meet you Scar. I'm Grian. You'll probably see a lot of me. I stop by here pretty often."

"Grian." Scar said his name slowly, like he was taking it for a test drive. "Interesting name."

Grian could hardly call it interesting in the face of "Scar" so he simply shrugged. Now he felt a little awkward. He walked right into the gas station and started having a conversation with the clerk instead of actually shopping. He backed away towards the chip aisle as he replied, "Scar is a very interesting name."

"You think so?" Scar drummed his fingers against the counter. "I think it's normal."

"Right." Grian picked up a bag of tortilla chips. This would last him awhile. He also got some salsa, you can't have chips without dip.

Since the conversation had come to a bit of a lull, Grian headed to the back and picked up a can of Arizona tea. Ah, dependable Arizona, always a dollar. Which was great when his spending money was nearly in the single digits.

Grian headed up front and placed his items on the counter. Scar grinned at him from behind the thin sheet of plexiglass. "Need anything else?"

"Nah. I'm good." Grian felt his stomach rumbling again now that food was so close. Soon he could eat. Then he could concentrate on drawing. Once he got paid he would treat himself to some real food!

Scar scanned the items, holding up the bag of chips. "Ah, I love tort-till-ah chips."

"What now?" Grian held back a chuckle. "Tort-till-ah?"

"Yeah, that's what this is called. Tort-tilly." Scar said with more confidence than Grian thought was possible.

Grian didn't know if he should correct him. Actually it was funnier not to. Before he could say anything though, a harried looking Cub ran into the store. "Sorry Scar! I'm back. Oh, it's Grian! Just the man I was looking for."

"Me?" Grian grinned at him as Cub walked behind the counter and stood next to Scar.

"Yeah, my boss is coming next week and I need someone to help me paint the back of the store. Kids keep spray painting graffiti all over it. You're an artist, right? Can you paint over it?" Cub asked as he looked over what Scar was doing.

Grian pursed his lips. He was certainly capable of doing that. It didn't take an artist to paint a wall though. "How much?"

"Fifty buckaroonies." Cub nodded his head. "I got paint in the backroom. Just stop by sometime this week and the money is all yours."

"You got a deal." Grian could splurge with that kinda cash! He could even afford a hot meal!

"Thanks man. I'll let Scar finish ringing you out." Cub took a step back and let Scar take over.

"See! I can handle it on my own. That'll be $7.34." Scar proudly announced.

Grian inserted the chip into the card reader and put his pin in. The machine gave an annoying beep and the transaction was complete. That had gone smoothly. Grian had seen other new employees flail pretty hard. Scar seemed competent enough. Maybe he would last.

"Here's your receipt!" Scar handed over the piece of paper. Typically Grian told the cashier to throw it away, but he reached for it, his fingers grazing Scar's hand.

A shiver went down his spine. Touching someone else felt…far too intimate. Grian kept his cool and shoved the receipt in his pocket. "Thanks Scar. See you around."

He quickly left as Scar called out. "Thanks! Have a wonderful time!"

Grian rubbed his hand, still feeling the lingering touch. He hadn't been touched by another person in such a long time. It felt strange, almost like he was burned. He should avoid that in the future, even if a part of him craved more.

He didn't have time for such things! He needed to draw! Eat first, obviously. But then finish up as many commissions as he could so that he could get paid. Maybe if he did a really good job he'd get some tips.

Grian headed back up the steps to his apartment, sweat coating his body. Why did the sun have to be so mean? Grian didn't deserve this treatment. Thankfully his apartment was nice and cool. Grian headed inside, sitting at the kitchen table, opening the bag of chips and salsa, cracking open the iced tea, and eating up. He ate enough to fill up his stomach before putting the salsa away in the fridge. He carried his iced tea, now slightly wet with condensation, back to his room so he could get back to work.

Except he noticed something strange. The door to his roommate's room was open. He never left it open? Grian peered inside and was shocked by what he saw. Which was nothing. Not absolutely nothing, the furniture was still there, but all his roommate's belongings were gone. The only thing of note was a piece of paper on his dresser.

Grian walked over and picked it up, reading over the note.

Grian

Sorry! I have to leave. Things have been a little crazy, the mafia might be after me? Anyway I'm going to move to Cali and open up an amusement park. I wish you the best of luck!

Joey Taurtis

"Really?" Grian looked the paper over. This had to be a prank, right? Taurtis certainly didn't have the mafia after him and he definitely wasn't going to open an amusement park.

Almost frantically, Grian opened all the drawers, the closet, looking for any signs of Taurtis's stuff. There wasn't anything left. No way had he really skipped town. Grian tried to call him but was sent directly to voice-mail. His texts went unread. Grian screamed with frustration as he held his phone tightly in his hand.

He was unequivocally screwed. His roommate was gone and he had absolutely no way to pay the rent. He was going to be evicted and then what? Would he have to be homeless, couch surfing with his friends? He didn't want to lose his home! Grian had to do something!

The only answer his frantic brain could come up with was to open emergency commissions. He had a lot on his plate already, but if he got some high paying customers then he would be able to pay the rent. That meant going without food, but that was all he could come up with at the moment to deal with this crisis.

Grian rushed to his computer and made a post to his Twitter. Then he waited, working on some of his older commissions even though he was in a sort of panic haze and he couldn't even tell if what he was drawing was any good. A DM came in, one from a rather strange person who had commissioned him several times in the past. He also gave large tips, so he was definitely a name Grian didn't mind seeing.

Smallishbeans: Hello Grian! I have a request for you. I need you to draw Kakashi from Naruto and Shrek from Shrek on the bow of a ship like that scene from Titanic
Grian: Seriously?
Smallishbeans: You should know I never joke
Grian: Sure. Never.
Grian: For that I'm charging you $200.
Smallishbeans: Perfect. I'll send you half now
Grian: Pleasure doing business with you.

Well that was something. Smallishbeans, otherwise known as Joel, must be very wealthy. Or a bit off his rocker. Grian didn't care as long as he got paid. He sighed as he looked over towards his easel before focusing his attention back on his computer. He probably wouldn't be getting much sleep for the next few days. He rolled up his sleeves and got to work.

Days seem to fly by when all you do is draw. Grian couldn't stand looking at his tablet another second. He had raised nearly enough money. Hopefully he'd get enough, but he had to take a break. Also get more food. His chips and salsa had lasted him well, but he needed something more substantial. Cub had offered him some money for painting his gas station wall. With that money he could buy some groceries! Actually, while he was at it, he had a funny idea.

Grian collected some of his scattered paints and paint brushes, putting them in a bag before heading outside. It was still hot today, which was annoying, but again he didn't really feel like changing out of his jumper. He powered through it and made his way to the gas station.

It wasn't any cooler inside which was a shame. Scar was sitting behind the counter again, his hand propping up his head as he looked into the distance. Grian stood in front of him, "Hello Scar."

"Oh, it's you! Grain!" Scar smiled at him without moving from his position.

"Grian." He corrected him. "I'm here to paint that wall for Cub."

"Go on ahead! The paint is in the back." Scar lazily lifted his free hand and pointed.

Grian nodded. "Is Cub out right now?"

"Yes, he said he'll be back in a couple hours."

That didn't give Grian much time. He headed into the backroom which was little more than a tiny room with a safe and some scattered cleaning supplies. He found some paint buckets and some rollers, which was all he really needed to paint. He brought them and a tarp outside, before heading back in to grab a ladder.

With that he got to painting the wall, finally shedding his jumper mainly so he wouldn't get paint on it. Painting like this wasn't much fun, but a job is a job. It didn't really distract him from the fact that Taurtis still hadn't responded to him at all and rent was looming over his head.

He got the white coat of paint done relatively fast, covering up the previous graffiti. Normally he would wait for it to dry before painting anything else, but he didn't have that luxury. It would be fine! Probably!

Grian got out his bag and started to paint. It felt good to be painting in a physical medium. Not that he didn't like digital art, he wasn't that pretentious to say that painting was better, but there was a certain something he enjoyed about this. As he was working, a voice came from behind him.

"Oh? What's this?"

Grian turned to see Scar, a garbage bag slung over his shoulder as he held a cane in his hand. He smiled as he looked up at the taller man, feeling a bit uncomfortable that Scar was seeing him without his jumper on. "A little prank for Cub."

"Oh. Fun." Scar smirked at him. "Well, don't let me keep you."

Scar walked over towards the dumpster and Grian got back to work. He hardly noticed when Scar went back inside, he was so absorbed in his work.

After some time he finished. At least to the best of his ability. Just in time, because he could hear Cub's voice from the opposite side of the building. Cub soon came into view, Scar following behind with a wide grin.

"Are you done painting?" Cub paused as he turned the corner and caught a glimpse of what Grian had done.

"Isn't it beautiful?" Grian laughed as he looked upon the picture he had painted. It was brilliant in his opinion. It was a colorful parrot, the main color of its feathers was red.

"Pesky bird." Cub grumbled. "Although to be fair, I did say paint the wall and you followed those instructions."

"Yup!" Grian had acquired the nickname pesky bird at some point and he fully embraced it. He felt a certain kinship with parrots. Maybe because they were both just a bit annoying. A menace. "Can I get my money now?"

"Sure," Cub chuckled. "I like the parrot anyway. Maybe it'll deter those kids from doing more graffiti."

Grian doubted that. This probably wouldn't last that long, the paint would undoubtedly flake away or be washed off from rain. "Actually Cub, I have another favor to ask you."

"Oh?" Cub replied.

"Can I borrow some money?" It felt so awkward to ask, but he was desperate. Anything to avoid being evicted. "A couple hundred."

"What do you need that for?" Cub asked, his brow furrowed.

"My roommate may have skipped town and now I have to pay the rent on my own." Grian awkwardly grinned. He had other bills to pay, but the rent was the most important.

"Oh." Cub's eyes grew wide as he turned towards Scar. "I think I can do you one better."

"Are you intending to sell me?" Scar sounded mildly offended. "I'm not worth much! Well, I mean clearly I'm priceless and-"

"No." Cub shook his head. "Scar, I think it's time you quit sleeping on my couch. Why don't you go and be Grian's roommate?"

Chapter Text

Grian hefted the box back into position between his arms when it started to slip. It was seriously heavy, "Scar, what's inside this box?'

"Oh it's my collection." Scar replied as he leaned against the side of the elevator, box in one hand, his cane in the other.

The elevator stopped and the doors dinged as they opened. Grian ran out, very glad to exit, he hated elevators. If he wasn't in the middle of helping Scar move, then he would never dream of taking it. At least they were nearly done.

"Collection of what?" Grian asked as Scar left the elevator in much less of a hurry.

Scar smiled at Grian. He sure had a smug looking smile. "Video game consoles."

"Oh. You like video games?" Grian bumped the box back into his arms with his knee as he started walking backwards down the hallway towards his apartment.

"Maybe." Scar winked at him. "Or maybe I like looking at the consoles and not actually playing any games."

"Uh-huh." Scar was so weird, why had Grian agreed to this? Not like he had much of a choice, but it still seemed ridiculous. He barely knew Scar at all. The only thing he knew was that Scar was friends with Cub. If Scar didn't know Cub then Grian definitely wouldn't have agreed, and even now he kept second guessing his decision. Hopefully they could get along well and not have too many issues.

Grian opened the door to his apartment and let them both in. Scar didn't have too many belongings but it still had taken them both several trips already. One more trip was all they really needed. Thankfully Cub had lent them his car for the day so at least getting Scar's stuff over here wasn't that much of a hassle.

Grian placed the box down in Scar's room. He just wanted this to be over so he could rest. After his frenzy of drawing a couple days ago, he was feeling completely burnt out. He deserved some time off! Or maybe he was just being lazy? He really should be working more…

Scar had placed his box down and was heading back to the door. Scar's cat, Jellie, was lounging on his bed like she owned the place already. She was pretty cute, Grian never thought of having a pet before. Thankfully the landlord had agreed, it might be fun. Plus Scar said he'd take care of her. A pet where he didn't have to put any work in? Grian was all for that!

Grian followed Scar back into the hallway, taking a deep breath as he rolled his sore shoulders. He could take at least the rest of today off, if nothing else.

Once they finished bringing the last of the boxes up, Grian flopped onto the couch, his muscles all aching. It was done now, but at what cost? All his strength for the next week?

"Alright. So do you remember the rules?" Grian asked as Scar sat down next to him, placing his cane to the side.

"Yup! We take turns buying groceries. Anything that we want for ourselves should be labeled. We'll take turns cleaning and cooking too! We split the rent and electricity bills 50/50. Don't worry Grian, I'll be the perfect roommate. The best. You'll be so happy to live with me you'll never want to live with anyone else ever again."

"That's a bit much." Grian laughed as he pushed himself up with his elbows. "Okay. I'm getting up. I'll let you get settled in, I'll be in my room if you need me."

"Hmm?" Scar looked at Grian with wide eyes. "I don't want to unpack tonight, I'm way too tired. Let's hang out, I'll order some food. We can, what do they say? Netflix and chill."

"Uhh." Grian sat up straight. Was Scar propositioning him? That was awfully forward of him! They didn't even know each other! Wait. Did Scar even know what he was insinuating? He didn't know how to pronounce tortilla correctly so anything was possible. "Scar. Do you know what you just asked me?"

"To watch Netflix and eat?" Scar tilted his head in confusion. "Did I say something strange?"

Grian laughed. "Scar, when people say Netflix and chill they mean they are going to have sex."

"Oh. Ho!" Scar turned bright red as he placed his hand over his mouth, mumbling behind it. "That's not what I meant at all!"

"I figured." Grian laughed again. At the very least living with Scar was going to be entertaining. "I don't want to bother you. I'll just go hang out in my room."

Grian stood up. He was used to being alone. His former roommate was never around and he had grown accustomed to that. Getting used to being around someone all the time again would take time and he wasn't feeling up to it at the moment. Scrolling through his phone while lounging on his bed was easier. Yup, he was going to go be a hermit in his room.

It seemed that Scar had other ideas. He grabbed Grian's wrist before he could walk away. "Grian, there's no food in the fridge, I checked. I rather not see my new roommate starve to death. Let's eat and get to know each other."

Grian felt like his wrist was burning. He really wasn't used to anyone touching him. It was almost too much. He felt so stupid, how could a simple touch be so overwhelming? His dumb brain must be broken. "O-okay. We can eat together."

Scar let him go and pulled his phone from his pocket. "What are you in the mood for? Chinese? Fast food? We have a world of options right at our fingertips."

Grian sat back down, trying to gulp down the excess of spit that had appeared in his mouth. "You're paying, you can choose."

"Chinese it is then. That seems like a great meal for my first day at my new apartment!" Scar smiled to himself. "I think I'll get the beef and broccoli!"

Grian smiled back. It was hard not to get caught up in Scar's enthusiasm. "I'll have the sweet and sour chicken."

"Nice! Order placed." Scar placed his phone to the side. "That was easy. When I ordered food with Cub it took forever. He liked to go over every option."

"He's a pretty thorough guy. Like he wants to make sure he gets what he wants?" Grian shrugged. "I get the same thing all the time, I'm boring. I'm going to get my laptop so we can watch something."

"Yes! Netflix, no chill." Scar laughed as Grian went into his room.

"I can tell you have no chill." Grian muttered under his breath. He grabbed his laptop, disconnecting the wires going to his drawing tablet. He set it down on the coffee table. "Anything you want to watch?"

"I picked the food, you can pick the show!" Scar declared, looking idly at his phone.

"Alright, that's fair." There was a YouTube video he'd been meaning to watch, one about lost media. That seemed like it would probably interest Scar too, not like he really knew. He hit play on the video and settled back onto the couch.

"Is this YouTube and chill?" Scar asked.

"There's not going to be any chilling!" Grian laughed as the video started.

The video was entertaining, at least to Grian. It felt like hardly any time had gone by before Scar got up to get their food. Scar handed Grian his food and a plastic fork. Grian started to eat, hardly paying attention to anything but the video, although his mind did start to wander a bit. The food was pretty good. You can't go wrong with chicken. How come a lot of meats taste vaguely like chicken? Did dinosaurs also taste like chicken?

"I wonder what I taste like." Grian didn't even realize he said that part out loud until the words left his mouth.

"I can help with that." Scar replied without missing a beat.

Grian nearly dropped his Chinese food when he heard that. What exactly did Scar mean by that? Wait, why was he eyeing Grian's arm. Grian pulled his arm away, "Please don't bite me."

"Well, the offer stands." Scar went back to eating and watching the video like he hadn't just said the most unhinged thing Grian had heard all week.

He decided to ignore it and just watch the video.

By the time the video was over, Grian and Scar were both done eating. Grian put away the leftovers, heading back to the couch. "Do you want to watch another video?"

"Sure! Whatever you want. I liked that guy, he was fun. Let's watch another one of his videos." Scar leaned back on the couch.

"I think he has one about a missing Sesame Street episode. I've been meaning to watch it." Grian found the video and settled back on the couch.

This wasn't so bad. He wasn't sure what he had been so nervous about before, but spending time with Scar wasn't taxing or annoying like he feared it might be. It was pretty easy, actually.

That's when Grian felt something jump onto his lap. He hadn't expected it so it made him jump in return. It took him a moment to realize it was Jellie. She looked up at him with her big yellow eyes. Did she decide she liked him? Grian held out his hand for her to sniff. Jellie rubbed her nose against his hand before settling down into his lap, purring away.

Grian felt like crying? It was so adorable! Jellie had decided to cuddle with him. Why did this make him so happy? There really must be something wrong with his brain. Grian idly petted her, scratching between her ears from time to time, watching the video.

Jellie stretched out her legs, digging her claws right into Grian's legs. He yelped at the sudden pain, jumping to his feet and spilling her from his lap. Jellie hit the floor with a hiss before running off back into Scar's room.

"Oh no Jellie. I'm sorry." Grian felt bad. He hoped he hadn't hurt her.

"Take off your pants." Scar said next to him, grabbing his cane as he stood up.

"What?" Grian turned slowly to look at him. "What?" He repeated.

"Jellie scratched you. We should make sure you aren't bleeding." Scar sounded worried.

"You really need to work on your phrasing." Grian shook his head as he breathed out his nose in lieu of laughter. "I mean demanding that someone take their pants off."

"I just wanted to make sure you weren't injured." Scar said, but Grian swore he heard a spark of deviancy in there.

"Scar, take off your pants." Grian demanded.

Scar immediately went to unbutton his pants.

"Really!" Grian turned away. "I was joking!" He had wanted to see what would happen. Somehow he should've expected this result.

"Are you alright?" Scar asked him.

Grian turned to look over his shoulder. Thankfully Scar had left his pants on. "I'm fine. Jellie didn't hurt me, it startled me more than anything." Grian sat back down on the couch.

"She must be stressed from the move. She doesn't normally scratch people." Scar sat down next to him.

"She didn't mean it. I think she was just getting comfortable in my lap." Although, that made Grian wonder. "Are you feeling stressed out from the move?"

"Maybe a little." Scar smiled sheepishly. "It was rather unexpected. I'm grateful you gave me a place to stay, don't get me wrong, but I'm a little worried."

"Worried about what?" Grian paused the video that was still playing in the background and paid full attention to Scar.

"Well," Scar looked towards the floor instead of at Grian. "I've been bouncing from place to place for a while now. It'd be nice to have a place I can settle into and not have to worry about moving again in a couple months."

"Oh." That must be stressful. Grian couldn't imagine moving. That's why he worked so hard to stay here in the first place. "I don't intend to kick you out or anything. I kind of need you to stick around, actually. I mean if you feel like you have to go, I won't stop you, but-"

Grian stopped short when he saw how Scar was grinning. He looked genuinely happy. "Thanks Grian. Sorry for getting all emotional. We can go back to the video."

"That's hardly getting emotional. I mean you aren't crying all over me or anything." Grian laughed.

"I could though!" Scar showed all his teeth in a grin.

"I'd rather not! But if you need to, I understand. It's been a long day, you can get a little emotional." Grian leaned forward and started the video up again. He wasn't the best at dealing with emotions, but he did alright there.

The video continued on. Grian found himself getting drowsy now that he had finished eating and he was relaxing on the couch. His eyes fluttered closed and he drifted off to sleep.

Grian found himself in a village. It wasn't like any village he had ever seen, more medieval. There were other people around, all people he definitely knew, one way or another. Strangely, they were fighting zombies like it was nothing, not even worth a mention, as Martyn rambled on about business opportunities, wearing full plate armor.

How strange. Grian was moving in his dream, drawing in a green creature towards the group. The creature had a strange expression, it looked almost leafy. He led it up next to where Scar was standing. He was completely silent as he watched the creature explode with a loud bang, dirt flying every which way. Scar dropped to the ground before vanishing from sight.

"Oh my god!" Grian screamed. The rest yelled along with him. Oh no! He killed Scar!

"Grian."

"Eh?" Grian cracked open an eye and saw Cub standing in front of him. Huh. Why was Cub in his apartment?

"I need my car keys." Cub was grinning at him, sounding way more happy than he typically did.

"Oh. Um. I think I put them on my table?" Grian went to get up, only then noticing that Scar was leaning against his shoulder, dead asleep.

Grian suddenly leapt up, making Scar fall over. Scar woke up as he hit the couch cushions, sputtering, "Huh? What?"

Grian felt his face burning red. Scar had been touching him for so long! And what must Cub think of them? Did Cub think Grian was making a move on Scar? They were just roommates! Very very tired roommates!

"Let me get your keys!" Grian scurried away to retrieve them. When he returned, Scar was sitting up, yawning.

Grian handed the keys back to Cub. "Here."

"Thank you muchly." Cub grinned. "I'll let you two get back to cuddling. You sure work fast, man-"

"We weren't!" Grian groaned, but Cub was already headed out the door. Ugh. Cub just wanted to tease him, Grian wouldn't let what he said get to him. Then Cub would win! Win what? Grian wasn't actually sure but he refused to lose.

"Oh. I should feed Jellie." Scar stood up, grabbing his cane, completely unphased by what Cub had said. It definitely was going to be interesting living with this man.

Chapter Text

Zedaph: Hello are you still taking commissions?
Grian: I can probably fit one more in
Zedaph: Wonderful!
Zedaph: I need you to draw my sheep-sona
Grian: Sure!
Grian: Do you have references
Zedaph: I do not!
Zedaph: He lives in my head rent free
Zedaph: My blorbo from my mind, if you will
Grian: Er, well if you want me to design a character for you that'll cost extra
Zedaph: Don't worry. I'm a scientist and I have plenty of money. Can you make me a character sheet and an image?
Grian: I can do that.
Grian: If you can just send me over a detailed description as well as some images similar to your character. I need to figure out the cost, so I'll get back to you.
Zedaph: You're the best! I'll send that over later today.

Grian pulled a hand down his face as he laughed to himself. Oh no. What was he doing? He already had so much on his plate. Why did he say he'd design a character for someone?

Well he knew why he had done it. Furries always paid well for art and gave great tips. This one piece could pay off several bills. Which he really needed! Unfortunately he had a couple of other commissions lined up at this point. He groaned to himself, he shouldn't have taken the previous night off, even if he did enjoy spending time with Scar.

No more time to procrastinate! Before getting started, he needed to do some wrist exercises. He didn't want to get carpel tunnel or anything. Grian held his arms out in front of himself, stretching.

"Grian!" Scar came crashing into the room with a goofy smile on his face.

Grian looked over at him, his arms still held in front of himself. "I'm pretty sure I told you to knock."

"Oops." Scar shrugged. "I went grocery shopping! I'm going to make some pancakes, do you want some?"

"I need to work." Grian frowned as he dropped his hands to his lap. He hadn't had breakfast today, the last thing he ate was Chinese food yesterday. It felt like he was taking advantage of Scar's kindness. Scar was the one who just moved in and yet he had to buy groceries. Ugh. If only Grian had more money. Clearly he needed to clone himself. Then he could get so much more work done. Hmm. Grian clones. Imagine the pranks he could pull if he had clones…

"Don't be silly! You need to eat. How else will you get your work done?" Scar interrupted Grian's rambling thoughts. "What work are you doing?"

"I'm a freelance artist." That sounded cool, like an actual job.

"Ohhhh." Scar eyed the easel and scattered paints Grian had. "You're an artist! That's so cool. It must be fun!"

"I wouldn't say that it's fun." More like tedious and annoying. Grian never got to draw what he wanted. Nor did he get to paint. He loved art, but doing it like this just felt exhausting. "I probably should eat."

"Yes. Do you like chocolate chips? I can put in chocolate chips!" Scar clapped his hands together.

"Sure!" Grian stood up. Scar was distracting him a lot, but he didn't mind that much. He had such a positive attitude and it was infectious.

Grian pushed back his chair and followed Scar into the kitchen. "You know, I should do the cooking. You went shopping, it's only fair."

"It's okay Grian, I don't mind." Scar replied as he took out a large glass bowl.

Grian was a bit worried that Scar might be trying too hard to be nice. Didn't he say he was scared of getting kicked out? That was pretty silly though. Grian didn't want Scar to feel like his place of residence was conditional. Saying all that felt like too much, especially when Grian might be making a bunch of assumptions. Instead he said, "We can cook together, how about that?"

Scar stopped what he was doing, looking at Grian with a smile. "Okay. That'll be fun!"

Making the batter was easy. Grian mostly watched Scar stir while he put a pan on the stove. He never made pancakes before, actually. Which was a strange thing to say. His mom made him pancakes as a kid, but she never showed him how. As an adult he avoided cooking a lot, so he never thought to make them.

It couldn't be that hard. Once Scar was done with the batter, Grian spooned some onto the pan. It sizzled a bit. Was it supposed to do that? He watched the pancake, wondering when he was supposed to flip it. He used a spatula to check the underside, it was looking pretty dark. Must be time to flip it.

Grian tried his best, he really did. He flipped the pancake, kinda. It folded in on itself as he tried, making a mess. Grian didn't want to look back at Scar and see him judging him. He mumbled to himself, "The first one is always practice!"

The next one didn't go so well either. He splattered batter everywhere. His mom had made it look easy! What was wrong with Grian?

The next pancake started cooking. Grian looked over it, sweat starting at his brow. He couldn't fail again. He'd look so foolish. Before he could even attempt to flip the pancake, Scar came up behind him.

"Here, let me help." Scar placed his hand on Grian's wrist. "Slide the spatula all the way under the pancake, like this."

"Okay?" Grian could feel Scar leaning against his back. He was going to pass out, too much close physical contact.

"And then with a flick of your wrist, flip." Scar helped him. The pancake flipped over with ease.

"Thanks." Grian took a deep breath. After another second, Scar let Grian go. It felt like an eternity though. Scar was a touchy-feely guy. Grian didn't mind it, not really, he just felt like his skin was crawling? Or maybe that he desperately wanted more? He couldn't parse his feelings. It was easier to ignore things like that anyway. Maybe he should tell Scar not to touch him anymore? But actually he didn't want it to stop…?

Once Grian made a few more successful pancakes, he served them. There was some batter left, but if he waited too long the pancakes would get cold. He sat down at the table, across from Scar, pouring syrup onto his pancakes.

"Very good!" Scar declared, his mouth full of half-chewed food.

"You're the one who did most of the work, so thanks." Grian took a bite. The pancakes were good. He hadn't messed up too badly.

Grian felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. He took it out to see a message from his sister. He frowned as he stuffed more pancakes in his mouth. His family hadn't contacted him in so long. Well only Pearl contacted him at all, and she hadn't since a few months after his parents kicked him out. Grian thought his family had given up on him, honestly. If Pearl was messaging him now, did something bad happen? He had to check.

Pearl: Grian!
Grian: Yes? Did something happen?
Pearl: Wow! I didn't think you'd reply!
Pearl: Actually nothing happened
Pearl: Keralis is having a BBQ this Friday. Would you like to come?

Grian sighed. Was Pearl trying to make up for his parents kicking him out? Or did she have some other motivation? Did it matter? He hadn't seen Keralis in a long time. It might be fun to hang out and see the old gang.

Grian: I can come.
Pearl: Really?
Pearl: I'm so happy!
Pearl: Are you going to bring anyone with you?

Bringing anyone? It's not like Grian was dating. Going alone felt kinda lame though.

"Scar, are you working this Friday?" Grian looked up from his phone.

"Nope." Scar said with a pop. "Cub gave me the rest of the week off so I could get settled in here."

"Do you want to go to a BBQ?" Grian asked. This might be the perfect opportunity to get to know Scar better. "It's at my friend Keralis's house."

"Oh sure! I'm always up to eat some meat!" Somehow that sounded slightly suggestive?

Grian ignored that and nodded. "Alright, I'll let them know."

Grian: I'm bringing my roommate
Pearl: Taurtis?
Grian: No. Taurtis vanished.
Grian: This is my new roommate Scar. He just moved in.
Pearl: I can't wait to meet him!
Pearl: See you this Friday at 3!
Grian: See ya!

Grian was a little excited to go. It was an excuse to take a break from work too. Although he had a lot he needed to get done before the BBQ, otherwise he couldn't justify taking a break.

"Grian." Scar called out for him across the table. "How'd you become a freelance artist?"

"Huh?" Grian hadn't expected that question. "I drew a lot of fanart and posted it to Twitter when I was younger. I became popular I guess? People started to ask me to draw for them, so I opened commissions."

"Interesting." Scar squinted his eyes. "I wonder if it's possible to be a freelance game developer."

"I don't think that's a thing?" Did people take commissions for video games? That sounded like it would be insanely expensive. "Or do you mean like indie games?"

"Yes. Indie games." Scar's eyes lit up. "I want to make a video game."

"Oh yeah?" Grian had thought about that before. He'd seen games like Undertale or Stardew Valley and wondered if he could make a game too. He didn't know the first thing about actually making a game though.

"Yes indeed!" Scar's smile faded somewhat. "I went to college for computer science. I tried to get a job in the games industry, but I kept getting rejected. It's hard to get your foot in the door, even with an unpaid internship. Even if I got a job, that doesn't mean I'd be able to make the game I want to. I'd have to make the games the company was contracted for."

"Ah." Grian knew that feeling. He was always making art for others, never for himself. "What kind of game did you want to make?"

"I think I want to make a visual novel! Something akin to Doki Doki Literature Club, if you've ever played that." Scar placed his fork down on his plate.

"I played it. It was really scary." Grian did like horror, but some of the elements in that game made his skin crawl.

"I'm not thinking of a horror game, exactly, but I've had this story in my head since I was young. I want to share that story." Scar looked off into the distance, almost dreamily.

"Is it a love story?" Grian wondered.

"Love?" Scar leaned on his chin on his hand. "I wonder if it's a love story."

That was a vague answer. It didn't really matter the genre, Grian guessed. The best games came from unexpected places. "I'm sure you can do it, Scar. Make your game."

Scar chuckled under his breath. "I can try."

Grian tried his best to work for the rest of the day. Outside his room he could hear Scar singing to Jellie or banging around as he unpacked things. It was nice to hear noises. He really wasn't alone anymore.

That night, as Grian lay in bed, he kept thinking about Scar. It must be nice to have a dream to chase after, even if that dream was making a video game. It was still something creative. Grian was making art just to survive, but Scar had something he really wanted to do. If only Grian could have that passion.

He slipped into dreams, still thinking about Scar. In his dreams Scar had no shirt on and a yellow name floating above his head. Grian took Scar to the side and whispered promises to stay with him until he lost his own first life. It was the least he could do.

Chapter Text

Why are hands so difficult to draw?

Grian was working on a piece where a character was holding an umbrella. He had held an umbrella before. He personally had hands. Yet somehow despite those facts being true, he could not for the life of him draw a person holding an umbrella.

He frantically Googled, looking for references, but no one was holding an umbrella the exact way he needed. What should he do? Change the pose to fit one of the references? That would ruin all the work he had already done! He didn't want to start over from practically scratch, he was already running behind. He could see that he had messages on Twitter. He was too scared to check them, he didn't want to look and see people being disappointed in him. Or worse, looking for refunds.

He had to do this! Grian chewed on his lip, his mind buzzing with anxiety as he stared at the canvas. He could just… obscure the hand somehow. Although if he did that he had a feeling he'd be really disappointed in the final product. The person who commissioned him might feel like they didn't get their money's worth. He should've used a reference from the start! Now he was wasting so much time.

"Grian!" A loud knocking came from his door.

"Ah," Grian jumped in his seat. He was glad Scar couldn't see him because he felt very silly that he had been startled. "Come in!"

Scar opened the door, sauntering inside. "Hello Grian! I don't mean to bother you, but I have a question to ask!"

"What's up?" Grian placed his tablet pen down on his desk, hoping it wouldn't roll away and vanish like it loved to do, spinning to face Scar. Scar, for whatever reason, wasn't wearing a shirt. He had several more scars on his chest that resembled the ones on his face. Grian was curious but he didn't want to ask. It seemed rude to ask why someone was covered in scars and used a cane. Right? Maybe Scar would come out and say it someday. Grian could wait.

"What's the dress code for the BBQ? I was heading to the laundry room to do some laundry and I was wondering what I should prioritize." Scar grinned.

"First of all, put on a shirt." Grian frowned. How could Scar be so brazen, going into public places like the laundry half naked? "Secondly, it's a BBQ, there's no dress code. Wear whatever you want. Preferably a shirt."

"I don't have any clean shirts." Scar looked downwards.

"Don't wait until you have no clean clothes to do your laundry!" Grian laughed, but he was a little irritated. Why hadn't Scar done his laundry before he moved?

"Oops. Can I borrow one of your shirts?" Scar asked, so innocently.

Grian gave him quite the stare. Scar was clearly much… broader than he was. His shirts weren't likely to fit. Although it would be amusing to see Scar wear one. Actually, since Scar was here, maybe he could use him. "Alright, you can borrow my shirt, on one condition. I need you to model for me."

"Model!" Scar clapped his hands together, subsequently dropping his cane. He scrambled to pick it up. "I've always known that I had the looks to be a model."

"Sure. Get on my bed." Grian pointed to the bed behind his desk.

Scar whistled under his breath. "Are we doing a risqué pose?"

"Yes, I'm asking my roommate of only three days to get naked and make the most lewd pose he can think of." Grian said, rolling his eyes.

"If you insist." Scar started to unbutton his pants.

"I was joking!" Grian yelped. "Please keep your clothes on. I just need you to make a pose like you are holding an umbrella over your shoulder."

"Oh." Scar pouted as he sat on the bed. Did he really want to get naked that badly?! "I suppose I can do that too."

Grian really had to be careful with his words around Scar. No doubt that he would disrobe with the slightest provocation. Grian grabbed his drawing tablet from his desk, placing it on his knees as he turned to face Scar. The cords were long enough to reach, thank goodness.

"Alright, use your cane and hold it over your shoulder. Like this." Grian demonstrated with one hand, the other holding his tablet. "And turn to the side a bit. Yup! You're perfect."

Scar grinned at that. "Of course I'm perfect."

Grian laughed. "Okay, Mr. Perfect. Hold still."

This was great. With a model he could easily see how to draw the hand. It seemed so simple now that he could look at it. Grian was sketching away when he noticed that Scar's face was looking a little red.

"Are you alright?" Grian asked. "You look red, is it too hot? I thought I had the A/C on pretty high."

"Oh no. I'm fine." Scar cleared his throat. "It's just more embarrassing than I thought, uh, doing this. I've never had someone look at me so intensely before."

He was embarrassed? Scar? The man who went gallivanting around with no shirt? That was kinda cute. "I'm almost done. I really appreciate you helping me. I got stuck and it was so frustrating. I feel like I keep getting stuck on these little things lately."

"Oh. Well I'll always help model for you." Scar looked away from Grian. "You've been working awfully hard. You might need to take a break. Refresh your mind."

"I don't really have time for that." Grian clutched his tablet pen tightly. "I need to make sure we have enough money for this apartment."

"I don't mind helping with paying for things." Scar gulped.

"That's not fair to you. I fully intend to pay my half. It's just been a little rough lately." Grian placed his tablet back on his desk. He had gotten the hand down, no need to monopolize any more of Scar's time. "Let me get you a shirt."

Grian got up, going to his dresser. He had to find a shirt big enough for Scar. Maybe one of his pajama tops? As he dug through, he felt Scar's presence behind him. Scar placed a hand on his shoulder. "Don't work too hard. You'll burn yourself out. I mean, you could always draw something for yourself, if you're worried about wasting time. Do a study or something! That could help up your art game!"

"That's not a bad idea." Grian picked out a black t-shirt. Hopefully this would fit. "I might be pushing myself a little hard. I'm just scared of failing. I guess."

"Failing at what?" Scar took the shirt from Grian and pulled it over his head. It did fit him, even if it was very tight in the chest area.

Grian shook his head. "I dunno. Life I guess!" He laughed, trying to stop this conversation. It was too serious for his liking. "Alright, go get your chores done. I'll make us some pasta for dinner tonight."

Scar gasped. "Oh! Pasta! Can we have the dinosaur shapes?"

"Sure thing." Grian lifted his hand and gently patted Scar on the back. Ah. He touched someone. He didn't even get that flustered when Scar touched him this time. He was a perfectly normal functioning human!

After Scar left, Grian took a long lingering look at his easel. It wouldn't be wrong to practice some backgrounds would it? He was horrible with those. 99% of the time he threw a geometric shape in the background of his pieces and called it done. And sure, painting wasn't exactly the same as drawing in an art program, but the essentials were the same. Yeah. It was fine if he took a tiny break and painted. Besides, he had a bunch of canvases he bought that he hadn't used. He didn't want them to go to waste.

Grian scurried, getting everything ready to paint. It was a bit more of a involved process than using the computer, but that's what made it fun. Grian set up a blank white canvas and looked at it with glee, a plastic palette in hand. What could he paint?

A scene came to mind. A desert, a rocky cliff, a red sun beating down on a circle of cactus. In the distance, a gravestone erected for some poor unknown soul. Yes. He normally couldn't see things clearly in his mind, but this came in crystal clear. A desert scene sounded challenging too. This would definitely help improve his skills!

Grian picked out some paints, tans, yellows, greens, browns, white, and even red. He mixed together a color for the sky, trying to match the hue in his head, and got to work.

Time flew by as he painted out the scene. He got most of the preliminary colors down and was going in for the details when he noticed a paw reaching under his door. Grian snorted with laughter when he realized that it must be Jellie. Did she want to visit? It was getting late, she might be hungry. Grian should stop for now and make dinner. He had to put away these paints into containers to save for later and wash the brushes first. He had ruined way too many brushes by letting them sit, he really couldn't afford to keep doing that.

"Alright Jellie. I'm coming."

Grian put the palette down and went over to the door. He opened it, seeing Jellie lying on her back. She looked up at him, meowing.

"So cute." Grian bent over and rubbed her belly. She captured his hand with her paws. "Oh no! You got me!"

Jellie seemed satisfied with that and let him go. Grian laughed as she got to her feet. "Okay, hold tight Jellie. I need to wash up, then you can have your dinner."

Jellie meowed at him, going between his legs as he walked into the kitchen. Seriously, she was so cute. Grian could hear Scar humming to himself in his room as he washed everything up and put his paints away. There, that was done! Now he could feed Jellie and get dinner started. He poured her a little food like Scar had told him and put some water to boil on the stove.

Jellie started to munch down like she was starving and no one ever fed her. Grian chuckled to himself as pulled a chair over so he could look in the cabinet. Scar said he wanted the dinosaur pasta. Where was that? Oh, it was all the way in the back. Grian really needed lower cabinets, he wasn't meant for this. He reached all the way, his fingers grazing the box.

A crashing sound made Grian jump, nearly falling from the chair, hitting his head on the cabinet. What was that? It came from his room? Wait, where was Jellie?

A feeling of dread gathered in his stomach as Grian walked towards his room, rubbing his head. Scar came out of his room, looking at Grian, "What was that?"

Grian looked towards his still open door. "Oh no."

He rushed over, seeing his easel knocked over and a very startled Jellie hiding in the corner. Grian bent over, picking up his painting. It was all smudged now. All his hard work had been smeared on the floor.

"Jellie!" Scar entered the room. "What did you do?"

"My painting." Grian held it in his hands, his eyes welling up with tears. Of course. Of course. The one time he decided to spend some time for himself, to actually paint again, and it was all destroyed. Why did he even bother? 

A picture flashed into his mind. His father throwing his paintings away, yelling at him to stop wasting his time-

"Grian, I'm sorry." Scar bent down and placed an arm around Grian's shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" Grian moved out of the way, throwing Scar off balance and yelling loud enough that Jellie went scrambling out of the room. "Leave me alone!"

"Grian." Scar's lips were trembling as he sat down on the floor.

Why was he sad? His work hadn't been destroyed! Grian held his painting tightly, the paint getting on his fingers as he stood up. "Go!"

Scar stood up, whispering, "Sorry," as he closed the door behind him.

Grian couldn't do anything but hold his ruined painting and cry. He was so pathetic. Why was he even getting this upset? He couldn't stop himself, ugly sobs wracking his throat as tears streamed down his face.

Eventually he calmed down, although his chest hurt as much as if he had been stabbed, his throat sore, and his eyes red. He could not wallow in his self-pity anymore. He had to clean up the paint on the floor and cook dinner. Scar was probably starving.

Oh. Scar.

Grian had kinda lashed out at him. Oh no. Why had he done that?

Grian opened his door and looked out. Scar wasn't in sight. The water wasn't on the stove anymore either. Had he made himself dinner? It was Grian's turn to cook. Grian frowned as he got some cleaning supplies from under the sink and went back into his room.

It took a bit to clean the paint off the floor. It did all come up, thankfully. He was scared he wouldn't get his security deposit back if he stained the floor. While cleaning, he placed the painting back up on the easel. Looking at it, it wasn't completely ruined. He hadn't done that much yet, he could fix it. It wasn't as easy as hitting control-z on the computer to undo his mistakes, but he could work with it.

Grian headed back out of his room to put everything away. He couldn't see any light under Scar's door and he was quiet, so he must've gone to sleep. Grian would talk to him in the morning. He had to eat something though, all that crying had made him hungry. And tired. He opened the fridge and much to his surprise, he saw a bowl with his name on it. Scar had made him dinner? He really didn't need to do that, especially when Grian had been such a jerk.

Grian sighed as he popped the pasta into the microwave to warm it up. Hopefully Scar wasn't too mad at him for how he acted.

Chapter Text

That night, Grian had a strange dream.

Scar was wandering around shirtless as they traveled through the desert, with Grian riding on a llama's back. They had a house together, one Grian had made with his own two hands. They had a monopoly on the sand, or at least that's what they wanted to believe.

What a strange life they were leading. Peaceful but with an edge of pounding anxiety that it would all be torn away. And it would be, before either of them could realize it.

Grian was discussing letting loose a strange tall and black creature with purple eyes that they had trapped in a boat. Together, they were wondering if it would go after Cleo. It was worth a shot, right?

"You know, I'm all for science and discovery." Scar said, sprinting ahead of Grian towards the creature.

"Okay…" Grian laughed.

"And I feel like this is science and discovery in minecraft." Scar continued like Grian hadn't said anything.

Grian didn't even know what to say to that, so much like a parrot he mimicked back, "It's science and discovery…"

"We are the science bros!" Scar sang out, running even faster, looking at Grian with a bright smile. "Science and discooooooooo-"

Scar didn't finish his sentence because he jumped headlong into a ravine he didn't see in front of him.

GoodTimeWithScar fell from a high place

"Scar nooooooo!" Grian screamed, looking down at the pile of items that used to be his friend.

Grian retrieved the items and Scar came back, his name red now. Scar looked at Grian with a nervous smile as he handed over red poppies and purple lilacs. "Can we still be friends?"

Grian laughed. "I mean." He didn't want to let go of Scar. Red was supposed to break all bonds, wasn't it? But he couldn't let Scar go. "I still owe you my first life."

Grian woke up the next morning to the smell of bacon. He could hear it sizzling in the kitchen. Was there anything better than that smell in the morning? Not to him!

Grian got up, pulling on one of his red sweaters and heading out into the kitchen. He saw Scar cooking, but Scar hadn't noticed him yet. That means Grian could play a little prank on him! He snuck up behind Scar, holding a hand against his mouth so he wouldn't giggle out loud. Once he was right behind him, Grian shouted, "Boo!"

"Oh my god!" Scar jumped about a foot in the air. Pretty impressive height, actually. He turned to look at Grian with wild, startled eyes. "You scared the heart out of me."

"Sorry." Grian chuckled, clearly not sorry in the slightest. "Can I have some bacon?"

"Of course! Of course! Hold on a second, I got something for you." Scar handed over the spatula to Grian and scurried off to his room.

Then Grian remembered what happened the previous day. He had been a jerk to Scar. And then he scared him instead of apologizing. That wasn't very nice of him. Once Scar came back he'd definitely apologize.

Scar did return only a few moments later. Grian's heart nearly stopped when he saw what Scar was holding, a pot that had a red poppy plant growing within it. "What?"

"Can we still be roommates?" Scar handed the plant over to Grian.

"Huh?" Grian felt confusion start to cloud over his mind. This was just like his dream. No way. It had to be a coincidence, right? "Why? Um? Why this flower, Scar?"

"Hmm?" Scar took the spatula back from Grian. "I was talking to a man called Doc on the roof this morning. I told him about what happened and how I wanted to make it up to you. He said I should give you this plant 'cause poppies symbolize a hope for a peaceful future!"

"Right." Doc did grow a bunch of tomatoes and other plants on the roof. Grian wasn't exactly happy that Scar had shared what happened with him, but it was too late now. He hoped Scar hadn't told him that Grian cried for a pathetic amount of time over a painting.

"So." Scar turned away, pulling the bacon from the pan. "Can we still be roommates?"

"Obviously." Grian placed the plant down on the table. "Scar, I'm seriously not going to kick you out. Maybe you'll have to kick me out for not paying rent, actually, but, um, we are equals here. I don't want you to think I hold power over you to take your home away."

"Really?" Scar turned towards him, his eyes misty and his smile a bit lopsided.

"Yes. Really. Stop worrying about that." Grian awkwardly patted his shoulder. "I should be sorry. I yelled at you. You didn't even do anything besides try to comfort me."

"But Jellie knocked over your painting." Scar got some bread out. "Toast?"

"Sure." Grian chuckled. "Jellie is a cat. She didn't mean to do it. I should apologize to her, I probably scared her when I yelled."

"She'll be okay. Jellie really likes you!" Scar grinned as he put the bread in the toaster.

"That's good. Maybe we can pick up a toy for her on the way back from the BBQ." Grian tried not to think too hard about how he completely failed to get enough work done to justify going to the BBQ. He'd have a lot of long nights ahead of himself to make up for it. He should probably post an apology on Twitter for the delay.

"She'd love that." Scar smiled at Grian. "Are you alright? You were crying pretty loudly last night."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to bother you." Oh no. He wished he could go back in time and stop himself from crying. It was so embarrassing.

"Bother?" Scar looked at him with squinted eyes. "You weren't bothering me. I mean it hurt my heart to hear you cry. I just wish I could make it up to you."

"Oh." What was Grian supposed to say to that. Scar was way too nice. "You really didn't do anything wrong. Seriously. I'm not going to blame you for what your, er, our cat did."

"Our cat?" Scar's smile looked so goofy. What, did that amuse him?

"Yeah. She's our cat now." Grian nodded his head. "I should've closed my door or secured the painting. In any case, I guess my painting getting ruined just brought back some bad memories. It wasn't anyone's fault that I got so upset. At least no one in this apartment's fault."

The toast popped up, startling Scar. He twisted around and pulled it out, probably burning his fingertips with how fast he moved. "Ow! Do you want to talk about it?"

Did he want to talk about it? Wasn't it too personal? Grian sighed as Scar placed a plate in front of him with eggs, bacon, and toast. "It's hard to talk about. I guess my dad wasn't too thrilled with me painting. He wanted me to work for his company so he definitely didn't like me going off to art school. There wasn't a single thing about me that he did accept, actually."

"That sounds. Awful." Scar sat down across from him. "Don't worry Grian! I accept you!"

Grian chuckled, taking a bite of the nice crispy bacon. "Thank you Scar."

Grian stared at the poppy plant on his desk. It really was strange. His dreams about Scar felt more real than most of his dreams, and now this. The same flower and nearly the same sentiment. The situations weren't the same, but it felt way too familiar. He really shouldn't be dwelling on this, not when he could be working, but he couldn't get it out of his head.

"Grian!" Scar sauntered into the open doorway. He was wearing a blue Hawaiian shirt that was unbuttoned an obscene amount. Like one button left undone was normal, two a little slutty, but three? Did Scar want everyone to see his breasts? His man-boobs? He had quite the impressive cleavage, actually. Hypnotic. Grian couldn't look away. Scar was so very… gender.

"My eyes are up here!" Scar walked into the room.

"I wasn't looking at anything!" Grian felt his face going red. Probably shouldn't stare at a man's chest, no matter how nice it looked. "Is that what you are wearing?"

"Yes! Don't I look stunning?" Scar did a twirl around his cane.

"Sure." Grian looked at the clock on his laptop, it was nearly time to go. They had to catch the bus to get to Keralis's place, it was too far to walk.

"Why thank you!" Scar grinned. "Are you going to wear your sweater?"

"Yes." Grian wished he had a much bigger sweater to hide in after seeing Scar.

"Won't you be hot?" Scar frowned.

"I'll be fine." Grian tried to grin. He probably failed. "Let's go, I don't want to miss the bus."

They didn't have to wait long at the bus stop. Grian got on, paying for his fare. He watched as Scar struggled to find his pass, hearing the other passengers groan. He managed finally, the driver speeding off as soon as Scar was done.

"Oof." Scar bumped into Grian.

Grian looked around. There was only one seat left on the bus. "Here, sit." Grian indicated towards the seat.

"Yeah, thanks." Scar sighed as he sat down. "I thought I was going to fall over!"

"You did, a little." Grian grabbed onto the hand-hold. He didn't really like to stand but what choice did he have? The bus turned a corner and he swayed with it, nearly tipping over into Scar.

"You're going to fall over!" Scar looked at him with such innocent looking eyes. "Why don't you sit on my lap?"

Scar patted his lap. Grian looked at him with wide eyes. "Are you serious?"

"Sure? Why not?" Scar tilted his head as he smiled.

Grian would probably die from prolonged contact like that. "That's probably dangerous."

"Okay." Scar sounded disappointed. What, did he want Grian to sit on his lap? Why?

It was at that moment Scar snaked an arm around Grian's waist. "I'll help keep you steady!"

This was worse! Grian felt like he was boiling alive and it wasn't just the heat. He gulped as he moved closer to Scar. This was fine. Everything was fine. He could totally handle being touched like a normal person. He was normal. So normal.

The bus ride felt like it took a very long time. Grian was grateful when they arrived. As soon as Scar let him go, he missed his touch. That was stupid. He didn't want to be touched in the first place! He felt an almost tingling sensation where Scar had been holding him that took a few minutes to vanish.

Grian took a few deep breaths as they approached Keralis's house. He could hear people chatting away in the backyard already. Grian was going to forget all about his work (and how much he wanted Scar to touch him again) and he was going to have a great time.

"Alright Scar, I hope you're ready. Keralis cooks a mean hamburger." Grian grinned at him.

"Oh boy!" Scar charged ahead, making Grian catch up to him. Yeah, this was going to be loads of fun.

Chapter Text

"Sweetface!" Keralis ran over to Grian as soon as he opened the gate to the backyard. He grabbed both sides of Grian’s face, smooshing his cheeks. "It's so good to see you! I didn't think you would come!"

"Ofcourseicame." Grian tried to talk but he was pretty sure he was incomprehensible.

"And who is this!" Keralis turned towards Scar, letting go of Grian.

"Why hello there! I'm Scar!" Scar grinned brightly. "Do I also have a sweetface?"

"Of course you do!" Keralis beamed at him. "Are you and Grian…?"

"Yes!" Scar said confidently.

"Don't just say yes." Grian laughed. "He'll get the wrong idea. Scar and I are roommates."

"Oh! Roommates! How nice." Keralis patted Scar on the shoulder. "You better make sure Grian doesn't get into trouble."

Scar turned towards Grian with bright eyes. "Are we going to get into trouble?"

"Actually, maybe you both need someone to make sure you stay out of trouble." Keralis laughed. "There are some beers in the cooler over there. I'm going to get back to cooking."

"Oh yes." Scar looked at Keralis with hunger in his eyes. "Grian told me all about your meat. I can't wait to taste it." Scar licked his lips.

"Er, phrasing Scar." Grian pulled Scar away from Keralis. "We really need to work on your phrasing."

Grian opened the cooler and pulled out a Bud Light from beneath the icy depths. He looked up at Scar, "Do you want one?"

"Sure! I haven't had a beer in ages."

Grian fished out another one and handed it to Scar. He cracked open his own, looking around for his sister. He didn't see her, she must not be here yet. He did see Lizzie sitting at a picnic table next to two men he didn't know. Introducing himself to strangers felt a bit overwhelming, but he might as well. He took a big glug of beer and made his way over, Scar following behind.

"Hello Lizzie!" Grian sat down, Scar sitting beside him.

"Grian! I haven't seen you in forever! Are you doing well? Eating properly? You look a little scrawny." Lizzie eyed him, up and down.

"Don't worry, I feed him!" Scar placed his beer on the table.

"And who might this be?" Lizzie tilted her head, her pink hair cascading down her shoulder.

"This is my roommate Scar." Grian pointed at him.

"Ah! I see." Lizzie tapped the man sitting next to her. "This is my husband Joel. And this is Joel's husband, Sausage."

"Hi!" Joel grinned at them.

"Hello." Sausage waved.

"Oh!" Scar clapped his hands together. "Is this one of those. Poly. Ploygan. Ploganal. Um."

"Polygamous?" Grian offered.

"Yes! Polyester!" Scar yelled.

"Okay. Don't worry your pretty face about how to pronounce it." Grian laughed to himself.

"You think I have a pretty face?" Scar said, looking absolutely overjoyed.

"Sure thing Scar." Grian looked back over at Joel. Huh. He looked familiar. Really familiar.

"Did you say your name was Grian?" Joel was looking at him with equal scrutiny. "Like, is that your name on Twitter? Are you an artist?"

"Oh no." Grian suddenly realized he knew exactly who Joel was. "Smallishbeans?"

Lizzie turned to look at Grian slowly. "Oh. Grian. Are you the one drawing my husband such lovely works of art?" Every word was cut with biting sarcasm.

Grian laughed, possibly the most awkward laugh in existence.

Scar on the other hand, looked even happier than before. "I want to see!"

"Here." Joel took out his phone, showing it to Scar. "This is my favorite one."

"Wow!" Scar took the phone in his hands. "I didn't know Shrek could move like that!"

Grian didn't even want to know which image that was. He suddenly wanted to disappear right into the ground. He drank another large sip of his beer. What sort of coincidence was it that Joel was married to Lizzie? Coincidences like that shouldn't exist! Grian didn't want to meet the people he drew art for, especially not slightly lewd Shrek fanart.

"Wow I suddenly want to go all the way on the other side of the yard." Grian stood up, walking away from the table where Joel was showing Scar even more of his art. Oh no. Scar was going to think Grian was some kind of freak. Ahaha, he needed more beer.

"Grian! Dude!" Ren waved at Grian from where he was sitting on a stump.

"Hey!" Grian quickly walked over, drinking down the rest of his beer. He grabbed another from the cooler and headed over. He noticed Jono, Ren's brother, and BigB sitting by him as well. Grian gulped as he sat down next to Ren.

"Wow!" BigB smiled at Grian. "I haven't seen you since high school!"

"Yeah." Grian drew a finger down the can, feeling the dripping condensation. He might’ve had a big crush on BigB in high school. They had a couple of dates but nothing serious. Grian was pretty sure in BigB's eyes they were just friends. "Sorry. Things got a bit crazy for me."

"How have you been?" BigB asked, drinking from his own can.

"Er, well. Complicated? Things have been complicated. I'm currently working as a freelance artist." Grian really didn't feel like getting into it.

"Oh? You were always into art. Didn't you win a prize in the Congressional Art Show?" BigB asked.

Grian was surprised he remembered that. His stomach turned as images of flames came to mind. "Uh, yeah. I don't have the painting anymore. So what have you guys been up to?"

"I'm working at a bakery!" BigB announced proudly. He did enjoy baking. He even brought Grian some bread once. It was really sweet.

"I'm making a podcast." Ren replied after BigB.

"That's cool." Grian was pretty impressed, making a podcast seemed like a lot of work. "Is it online? Can I listen to it?"

"Sure! Let me get your number, I'll text it to you." Ren handed over his phone.

Grian started to put in his number, "What about you Jono?"

"I'm making music for Ren's podcast, but I'm also working on my own album." Jono said simply.

"You guys are all doing so great." Grian felt like his life was so lackluster in comparison. He didn't have a real job, he was struggling constantly just to make ends meet. All his high school friends were following their dreams. He handed Ren back his phone, taking another long sip of his beer.

He wished he even had a dream to follow.

They chatted for a bit, getting lost in memories of old times. That's when Grian heard someone calling out his name. He turned and saw his sister running towards him. Pearl flung herself at him, nearly making him fall from his seat, hugging him tightly.

"Grian! I've missed you!" Pearl rubbed her head against his.

"Pearl!" Grian felt entirely smothered by this sudden physical affection. Not like when Scar did it, this was just irritating. He wiggled out of her arms. "Nice to see you."

"Is that all you have to say after not seeing me in like a year?" Pearl put her hands on her hips, backing up a step.

"I think I'm all out of words. Actually, I think I need another beer." Grian stood up. Somehow seeing Pearl didn't make him happy. What, was he broken? He did miss her and he loved her, he just… felt sad.

"Oh, let me grab one too." Pearl followed him over to the cooler. "Where is this roommate of yours?"

"Oh. Yeah. Where is he?" Grian looked around and found Scar still sitting with Lizzie and her husband. Husbands? He wasn't sure how their relationship worked.

Grian popped open his beer. "Scar is over there."

"Scar!" Pearl ran over to the picnic table.

"Hello there!" Scar turned in his seat. "Wow! Grian, did your hair suddenly grow really long?"

"I'm not Grian silly." Pearl sat at the table, next to Scar. "I'm his sister! Pearl!"

"Hi Pearl! I'm Grian's roommate. I'm being good and wearing a shirt!" Scar announced.

"What. SCAR." Grian sat down at the table on the opposite side of Scar. "Why in the world are you bringing that up?"

"You told me to wear a shirt!" Scar sounded offended. Why?

Grian sighed wearily.

"It's a nice shirt." Pearl remarked. She gave Grian a look. What kind of look? Grian wasn't sure. He felt a little fuzzy in the head.

Keralis placed a plate down on the table before Grian could question it further. "Burgers!"

"Burgers!" Scar echoed with glee. "I've been waiting so long to sink my teeth into some hot, juicy meat."

"Phrasing." Grian groaned. Was Scar doing it on purpose? He had no idea, but it was kinda funny.

"Hmm?" Scar grabbed a hamburger. He slathered it in mustard and ketchup. "Did I say something?"

"Don't worry about it." Grian laughed.

He took his own hamburger and ate, finishing his beer and starting on another. Wow. He felt so light. Everyone was chatting but he was bored. He should spice things up.

"I gotta go to the bathroom." Grian stood up.

"Ah, you remember where it is?" Keralis asked.

"Yeah." Grian pulled on Scar's arm. "You're coming with me."

"I am?" Scar got to his feet, grabbing his cane. "I guess I am."

"Wow. Very bold, Grian." Lizzie remarked as Grian dragged Scar away.

Scar bent down and whispered into Grian's ear, "Is this the part where we make trouble?"

"Yes. Exactly." Grian laughed. He held onto Scar tightly, mostly to keep from falling over. Huh, it didn't feel so bad to touch Scar now. He wanted to touch him more, actually. Now wasn't the time. They had a prank to pull.

He wandered over to the front closet. He hoped Keralis still had his walkie-talkies in there. They used to use them all the time as kids. He opened it up and found them on a shelf. "Nice."

"Oh? Is this like a spy mission?" Scar grabbed one, turning it on. "Do you read me, over."

"I read you. Over." Grian giggled. The walkie-talkie worked! Perfect. He put the walkie-talkie down. "Scar, I need you to bring this over to the table and when I give you the signal, you turn it on."

"Signal?" Scar was laughing now too. "What's the signal?"

"I'll give you a thumbs up from the backdoor. Don't let anyone see what you have." Grian didn't want to let go of Scar's arm, but he had to. "Alright, let's do this."

"Okay. If I'm going to be a spy I need to unbutton my shirt some more." Scar undid another button. The shirt was undone nearly to his navel.

"No." Grian grabbed his shirt and redid the button. "What is wrong with you?"

"A lot of things!" Scar only looked a little disappointed. "I'll leave my shirt on, if I have to. I'll get into position." Scar wiggled his eyebrows.

"Great." Grian watched as Scar walked back outside. This was going to be so funny, he could hardly keep himself from laughing out loud.

Scar sat down at the table. Grian crouched by the glass sliding door. Scar was glancing his way but everyone else was distracted. Grian gave Scar a thumbs up. Scar fiddled with something on his lap.

Grian pressed the button down on his walkie-talkie and screamed, "SURPRISE!" into it.

He watched with glee as everyone at the table yelped and jumped up. Even Scar? But Scar totally knew what was happening; he was holding the walkie-talkie!

Grian made his way outside, holding his sides as he laughed. "I got you!"

"That really surprised me!" Keralis laughed.

"See, this is what happens when, uh." Scar placed the walkie-talkie on the table. "When no one, sup- super- supervises us!'

"Yeah! You said a word!" Grian held out a hand to high-five Scar. Scar did the same. They both attempted to high-five but whiffed so badly it was embarrassing.

They all talked some more. Grian lost track of the conversation most of the time, he was probably a little tipsy. He was having fun, he was really glad he brought Scar with him.

"So Grian." Pearl looked at him, leaning forward next to Scar. "I meant to ask you, but have you found a job?"

"Er, well." Grian laughed. "I'm doing freelance art at the moment."

"Oh?" Pearl looked concerned. "How's that working out for you?"

"Not great." Grian smiled sheepishly. He took another swig of beer. "I'm just barely making ends meet."

"Oh." Pearl tilted her head, biting her lip. "You know, Dad still has a job waiting for you at his company."

Grian twitched, leaning away from Pearl. "Dad doesn't want me around. Clearly." He didn't want to talk about this in front of everyone.

"Yeah. Well. You know he said you could come home." She paused. "If you stop pretending."

"Pretending?" Grian felt a stabbing pain in his heart. He could understand his father saying something like that, but his sister? He thought she understood. Tears came to his eyes that he furiously tried to blink back. No, he couldn't cry here in front of everyone. He wasn't that weak, he wasn't.

Scar looked at him with wide eyes. He then turned to Pearl. "I don't know where you get off, but Grian isn't pretending!"

"I,I'm-" Pearl stammered.

Scar stood up. He grabbed Grian by the arm. "I think it's time we went home. Thank you for the lovely BBQ."

Chapter Text

Grian sat at the bus stop, his head in his hands. He felt awful. It was a bit hard to believe his own sister would say something like that to him. His heart hurt, he felt like he had been betrayed in the worst way. What, did she invite him out just so she could insult him? Why did she even say that? Is that really what she thought he was doing? God, it would be so much easier if this was pretend and he could stop, but honestly, the life he was living before this felt much more like a game of pretend. He was finally being himself, why couldn’t she see that? And she really had no right to out him in front of Scar, that was so rude, he wanted to eventually tell Scar in his own time. Although maybe he already knew since he defended Grian so quickly-

"Grian." Scar said softly next to him. "You may touch my chest."

"What?" Grian lifted his head up slowly, looking at Scar incredulously. "What?"

"You are always looking at it!" Scar pulled the two sides of his shirt apart, exposing even more of his chest. "I'm sure it'll cheer you up if you touch me!"

"Oh my god." Grian chuckled to himself. Scar had lost all his marbles, if he even had any to begin with. "I'm not touching your chest."

"I know you want to." Scar winked. "Just a little touch, c'mon."

"Seriously?" Grian did want to touch his chest, Scar wasn't wrong. But they were in public. It seemed like touching his chest here violated public decency. Well, what did Grian really care? He lifted his hand, pressing it to Scar's chest. His skin was heated, a little sweaty. Grian could feel the muscles underneath. He ran a finger along Scar's collarbone, it was so weird, doing this actually was making him feel better.

"You have a very nice chest." Grian pulled his hand away. He felt a little foolish now, but Scar was practically glowing with happiness so he couldn't feel too bad. He was looking a little red too, was he too hot? It was really hot.

"Wow! I didn't think you'd actually do it!" Scar let go of his shirt.

"No, sober Grian wouldn't do it. Who knows what drunk Grian will do." Certainly not Grian, it seemed. He glanced down at his hand, still not believing he had touched Scar like that. What was wrong with him?

"That sort of makes me want to see what else I could make you do, but." Scar grinned down at Grian. "I'm just glad you're smiling again."

Oh. He was smiling. Scar was so ridiculous it was hard not to smile around him.

The bus arrived shortly after that. This time they both managed to get seats, sitting next to each other. Grian leaned back, stretching out his arms and legs. He rather not think about the disastrous ending of the BBQ, so he looked towards Scar. Scar was looking out the window, both hands placed on top of his cane.

"Hey Scar." Grian asked, the other turning towards him. "How come you decided to make video games? Like as a career. I mean other than just having a story to tell, something got you into it, right?"

"Oh? That's a random question." Scar stroked his chin. "How come you decided to make art?"

Why was he deflecting? Grian stared at him for a few seconds. "I'll tell you if you tell me."

"Sure." Scar shrugged. "You go first though."

"Okay." Grian felt like he always wanted to make art. "Well I mean I was always good at it. In elementary school I was in the gifted and talented program and I was in art classes at the recreation center. That's not what really got me into it though."

Grian tried not to think of the bad things. It wasn't always so bad, actually. His mom had always cheered him on. At least until his father decided he was too old to waste time on art anymore. "When I was in the girl scouts we went to this museum. It wasn't a normal museum, it was all about making cartoons. They had cells of animation. I had never seen one before."

Grian pursed his lips. He could recall that moment with such clarity, even now. "I was so amazed. I had never thought about it before, but people make cartoons. Someone has to painstakingly paint each frame of animation. Someone else has to paint the background. Someone else puts it all together. It's a whole production, you know. I wanted to be involved. I want to make something like that."

"Interesting." Scar looked back towards the window. "You didn't really get to do that."

"Not really." Grian sighed. "I don't mind what I'm doing, but I kinda want my own project to work on. I don't have any ideas though. Or the time."

"I understand that. I don't have a lot of free time either. It's hard to be an adult." Scar kept looking out the window. "As for me, well my story isn't that interesting. I was spending the summer at my grandparents house. They only had a Sega Gen- General. No. Uh."

"Sega Genesis?" Grian offered.

"Yes! One of those. I was playing this Beauty and the Beast game, and Grian, it was awful. Just the worst. There's this part where you have to go in the woods and if you see a certain color of rose you are supposed to go a certain direction, but there were multiple colors of roses and I kept getting confused and getting sent back to the start and all I could think was that I could make a better game. So I decided I would!"

Grian laughed. "That's a good story, actually. Scar, can you draw?"

"Not like you can. You're like a professional! Joel showed me all your art on your Twitter, I was amazed."

"Huh." Grian looked ahead of himself. He felt a strange sensation swelling in his chest. Something he hadn't felt in a long time. A desire was forming. A… dream.

"Listen. Scar." Grian gulped. He might be drunk and stupid, but he needed this. "Let's make a video game together."

"What?" Scar turned towards him. "Are you serious?"

"Yes. I want to." Grian looked Scar directly in the eyes. "I can draw and you can code. It's a visual novel, we don't need like, 3D models or anything. We can do it together."

"Wow." Scar broke eye contact. "Okay. Wow. If you really want to help then I definitely won't say no. I'm just." Scar looked back towards him with a smile, his eyes a bit moist. "I'm so happy. No one's ever offered to help me before."

"I'm happy too." Grian felt a warm glowing in his chest. Finally, just like everyone else, he had a dream. He hadn't realized it until he remembered what happened in his childhood. He wanted to collaborate, to make art with someone else, to be part of something amazing. "I'm so happy, Scar."

Grian felt a buzzing in his pocket before Scar could respond. He had a message? He pulled out his phone to see that Pearl had messaged him several times. He groaned, he had just gotten that out of his head and now reality was crashing back in. He didn't want to deal with her right now, not when she hurt him like that.

"I'm so tired." Grian sighed.

"Take a nap!" Scar held out his arm, pulling Grian against his shoulder. "We can talk more about the video game later, you should rest."

"Okay." Scar was pretty comfortable, actually. Grian closed his eyes. "Mmm. Scar?"

"Hmm?" Scar hummed in response.

"It's so weird. I keep dreaming about you lately." Grian mumbled.

"Oh?" Scar sounded surprised.

"Yeah. You never wear a shirt."

"That does sound like me." Scar chuckled.

Grian drifted off to sleep. In his dreams Scar ran around with a bee on a string like some kind of strange balloon. Beelloon. Ha.

Grian didn't remember getting back home, but he awoke the next morning in his bed, Jellie cuddled up at his side.

Chapter Text

Grian looked around, not wanting to get up from bed yet, seeing his phone next to him on his table. The battery was probably getting low, he hadn't charged it since yesterday. He picked it up, trying to ignore the pounding in his head. He drank way too much yesterday. It's a miracle that he hadn't thrown up. Unless he did and didn't recall. His mouth didn't taste like it, but he really had to brush his teeth.

Grian ran his hand over Jellie's fur. She chirped in that cute way cats do. He chuckled as he checked his notifications on his phone. He had messages on Twitter and Pearl had texted him several more times. More interesting, he had a text from Scar.

Scar: G
Scar: text me when you wake up
Grian: im awkw
Grian: awake
Scar: good morning gerogus
Scar: gorduz
Scar: um
Grian: take your time
Scar: garderous

Grian heard a voice from just beyond his door. "Grian, how do you spell gorgeous?"

"G-O-R-G-E-O-U-S."

His phone buzzed at him.

Scar: good morning gorgeous
Grian: good job Scar
Scar: thank you!
Scar: are you feeling alright?
Grian: a little sick
Scar: I can make you oatmeal
Scar: the kind with dinosaur eggs!
Grian: lol
Grian: ill be there in a minute

At least that was a nice message to wake up to. Grian would check the other ones later. He got up, trying to not disturb Jellie and left his room. Scar was darting around the kitchen, presumably making breakfast.

"You don't have to make me breakfast, you know." Grian sat down at the table. His head hurt a lot now that he stood up and his mouth felt even grosser.

"I don't mind!" Scar turned and placed a glass of water and some aspirin in front of Grian. "I like having someone to take care of."

"Why?" Grian drank down the cold water. That already made him feel better. Hopefully the aspirin would help too. "Isn't it annoying?"

"No." Scar looked back at Grian. He didn't elaborate at all. Well if he was okay with it?

"I'll make dinner tonight, I kinda missed my turn." Grian smiled.

"Sure, sure." Scar placed a bowl in front of Grian. It was oatmeal and it was definitely the kind that had dinosaur eggs. Not real ones, these ones were sugar and melted away to reveal the dinosaur within. How fun, Grian hadn't had these since he was a kid. He stirred the oatmeal, waiting for the dinosaurs to emerge.

"Grian." Scar sat down with his own bowl. "How does a three-way marriage work? Are they all married together?"

"You mean like Lizzie?" Grian asked and Scar nodded. "I dunno. I assume that only two of them are actually married and the third is in name only. You'd have to ask Lizzie for the details."

Scar got his phone out, immediately tapping away. Did he actually know Lizzie's number? Grian didn't even have her number. "Oh, because I was thinking, you get tax benefits from being married, right? So if you marry more people you get more benefits!"

"I don't think that's how it works?" Grian seriously had no idea. "Are you forming your own polycule?"

"Poly what now?" Scar looked up from his phone. "I'm just saying, we should get married!"

"Oh. Us?" Grian pointed between them.

"Yes! Imagine the cash savings when we do our taxes!" Scar's phone vibrated as he was speaking. He started typing back.

Grian groaned at the thought of doing taxes. His taxes were always so complicated since he did commissions and didn't have a normal paycheck. It certainly wouldn't get easier even if he did get married. Wait. Did Scar propose to him? No, this was Scar, he was just making dumb off-handed comments, kind of like how he called Grian gorgeous this morning.

Wait. Who else was Scar imagining marrying in this scenario?

"Apparently Lizzie and Joel are the ones married and they don't get additional tax benefits from Sausage." Scar placed his phone down, frowning. "There goes my idea of defrauding the government."

"Too bad." Grian took a spoonful of oatmeal, looking at the bright red dinosaur that had been hatched. "I was so looking forward to marrying you."

"Maybe later." Scar stirred his oatmeal, grinning with delight. "Hey, Grian. Do you remember the conversation we had on the bus?"

"About making a video game together?" That's the only conversation he could remember, he was pretty sure he slept the rest of the way home.

"Yes!" Scar took a spoonful of his oatmeal. "I thought you might’ve been just drunkenly rambling. But, uh, did you actually want to?"

"Of course! I was drunk but I meant it. I want to make a game with you."

"Wonderful!" Scar picked up his phone and pulled something up. He showed it to Grian.

define s = Character("Scar")
define g = Character("Grian", color="#C0392B")

label start:

   scene bg placeholder

"Wow." Grian looked at the text. "I have no idea what I'm looking at."

"It's the first bit of code for the game!" Scar proudly stated.

"Uh-huh." Grian looked at it again. "How come it says our names?"

"Oh." Scar placed his phone down on the table. "That's just placeholder names! See, that part defines what color the character's name appears as. You are red! I mean, the placeholder Grian is red. The 'g' and 's' are like shortcuts when I'm typing out the script."

"Okay." Grian wasn't sure what he was talking about at all. "That's great! Perhaps before we get into your coding stuff, can you tell me what the story is?"

"Oh right." Scar placed his hands on the table. "That's probably important."

Grian nodded. "Very."

"Okay. So the basic premise of this game is that you have three lives and you are in the midst of a death game. On your first two lives you are normal, but the last one you go feral and try to kill everyone else." Scar explained.

"Interesting." Grian ate some more of his oatmeal. "So I guess you win the game by being the last survivor?"

"Something like that. There will be multiple paths but only one true ending." Scar paused for a moment. "The first death is scripted though. It's the catalyst for the rest of the game. I think that would be a great place for a full illustration. Hmm…"

"You should probably write a basic outline before you start worrying about where to put illustrations. Or maybe more like a flowchart since there are going to be branching paths, right?" This sounded like fun, actually. There are a lot of unique ways to die in a death game scenario. It might be cool to draw an illustration for each one, actually. Give the player a reason to try and get them all.

"Yes. There's quite a few characters too. I'll have to get you descriptions of them all so you can draw portraits." Scar looked at his phone. "Wow, it feels real now that we are talking about it like this."

"It is real." Grian laughed. "At least it will be. I can promote the game on my Twitter for some hype. Maybe we can put out a demo too."

"Hmm." Scar opened a new document on his phone. "I didn't think about marketing. That's a good idea. For now I'll start working on a basic script and we can go from there."

"Sounds good. If you can get me a description of the main character I can draw up some rough drafts. I mean, if we are going to have the main character visible. Some games never show them for immersion. " Grian could feel excitement pumping through his veins. His headache had even dulled down. They were doing this! A real video game.

"Oh, I want the main character to be shown. A lot." Scar chuckled.

"We can do that."

Grian and Scar chatted more about the game and finished up their breakfast. As Grian was bringing their bowls over to the sink, Scar got a phone call. Grian listened in to the half he could hear.

"Oh, Cub? Uh-huh. Oh…" That sounded bad? "Um. Yes. I can do that. No problem. Bye."

"What was that about?" Grian asked as he turned on the water to wash the dishes.

"Oh. Cub needs me to work the overnight shift. The regular lady had a family emergency and can't make it." Scar frowned, looking at his phone.

"Oh." Grian felt a sting of disappointment. Right. Scar had a job. He almost forgot. He was having so much fun talking about their video game. "What time is that shift?"

"11pm to 7am." Scar groaned. "My sleep schedule…"

"I'm sorry Scar." Grian sighed. If only they could be real game developers. Being an adult really sucked. Grian had to work on his commissions too, now that he thought about it. How frustrating when all he wanted to do was work on the game! It had been so long since he even actually wanted to do something!

"It's fine! It'll be slow so I'll have lots of time to work on the game outline." Scar smiled.

"Yeah. I have commissions to work on, but I'll also work on the main character's design." Grian somehow felt that the main character was in fact just Scar inserting himself into the game, but that was fine. At least he had a really good reference in that case.

"I'll go take a nap then. Can you feed Jellie for me?" Scar asked, heading for his room.

"Yup!" Grian waved as Scar closed the door.

After finishing his morning chores, Grian got on his laptop. His commissions were calling him despite how much he rather not. Maybe he should check his Twitter messages first.

He looked and saw a very familiar name.

Smallishbeans: Grian
Smallishbeans: Do you need more money?
Grian: no
Grian: sorry it's taking so long
Smallishbeans: No its fine
Smallishbeans: As much as I want to see Shrek and Kakashi making out.
Smallishbeans: Your health is more important
Grian: im fine
Smallishbeans: You are pretty scrawny
Grian: my sweater makes me look smaller than I am
Grian: please don't worry about me
Smallishbeans: You can't make me stop!
Grian: what
Smallishbeans: I'm going to worry whether you like it or not
Smallishbeans: Ha!
Smallishbeans: Gottem
Grian: ????
Smallishbeans: Listen Grian.
Smallishbeans: You need to take care of yourself
Smallishbeans: So if you need more money for the commission I will send it.
Smallishbeans: I don't want you working yourself until you break.
Grian: im just drawing lol
Grian: ill be fine
Smallishbeans: It's still work.
Smallishbeans: Work I enjoy immensely.
Smallishbeans: Even if Lizzie doesn't understand.
Grian: lol
Smallishbeans: We are here for you Grian.
Smallishbeans: Just say the word.
Grian: thanks joel
Grian: if I need anything ill let you know

Grian worked on some of his commissions while chatting with Joel. He felt sick to his stomach the whole time. He hated making others feel sympathy towards him. He felt like he wasn't worth it? He wasn't a charity case or something. He could make it on his own. He had to.

Besides, he wasn't that scrawny. He didn't like to look at himself, but it couldn't be that bad. He pulled up his sweater and saw his stomach and waist and suddenly he felt so sick. He didn't want to see. All he saw were curves that didn't belong, he hated it, he hated this stupid body.

Grian breathed in and out deeply, trying not to think about it. It was fine. Everything was fine. He felt all jittery and shaky now. He sighed as he went back to Twitter, posting an update.

@Grian: Sorry everyone. I've been having a tough time lately, the mental stress is getting to me. I'll get the commissions out as soon as I can! Thank you for your patience!

Nearly immediately he got replies. He was a little nervous but everyone was being very supportive. Grian got a little misty eyed looking at the messages. His brain really must be broken. Didn't he say he didn't want sympathy? Yet everyone was telling him to take a break and that they'd be waiting for him to come back. It was a nice feeling.

Grian closed Twitter and flopped onto his bed. He didn't sleep, just laid there and tried to only think of the cool video game he was going to make with Scar. That kept the bad thoughts away. He just wanted to keep imagining it forever, but a loud knocking came from the front door. Grian scrambled up to get it, hoping it hadn't disturbed Scar's rest.

Chapter Text

Grian opened the door to see a tall man wearing a messy and torn lab coat. This man didn't actually need a lab coat, Grian was pretty sure he wore it just for the aesthetic. One of his arms was prosthetic, his left eye false too. He claimed it was from a battle with God, which sounded outlandish but in Doc's case might be true? What a God fighter was doing in this apartment building, growing tomatoes on the roof, was beyond Grian. Speaking of that, he was also carrying a plastic bag, bulging from the amount of tomatoes within.

"Hello Doc."

"Hello Grian. Is Scar around?" Doc looked past him into the apartment.

"He's resting. He got called in to do a night shift tonight." Grian replied. Were Scar and Doc friends? Grian didn't get on so well with Doc. There might’ve been a prank or two that didn't go over well.

"I see. I told him last night that I'd bring him some tomatoes." Doc held out the bag for Grian to take. "Are you feeling alright? You were knocked out cold last night."

"Yeah, drank a bit too much." Grian took the bag. It was heavier than it looked. "Hold on, how do you know that?"

"I saw you two getting off the bus. Scar was trying to carry you. I, being such a wonderful and kindly neighbor, decided to help out. I carried you to bed."

"Oh my god." Grian felt his face going red. Did that really happen? That was mortifying. He was so glad he couldn't remember a thing. "Um. Thank you. And thank you for the poppy too."

"No problem. I hope you are feeling better. Scar mentioned you were upset and he thought you were angry at him. I told him he was over-reacting, you don't get that angry. No, you are way more likely to pull a prank." Doc's eye twitched.

Grian laughed nervously. "I did yell at him, but I apologized. It wasn't his fault anyway. Things are fine between us now. Sorry for getting you involved."

"It's hard not to get involved when you find a man crying in front of your poppy flowers at four in the morning." Doc shrugged. "I'm glad it all worked out."

"Scar was crying?" Guilt started to creep back into Grian's heart. He didn't realize he upset Scar that much. He had to be careful to not let his emotions get the best of him. "Ugh, well thank you for helping. I'll give these tomatoes to Scar. Or maybe I'll make dinner tonight with these. There are so many."

"Yes. Use them all. I have more." Doc smiled widely. It looked menacing somehow. "So many more. Have a good night, Grian."

"Bye Doc." Grian closed the door. Maybe this was Doc's revenge against Grian. He was going to inundate him with more tomatoes than he knew what to do with. He should make dinner now instead of laying in bed, accomplishing nothing.

Grian placed the tomatoes on the counter and opened the fridge. What to make? Scar had done a good job of stocking them up, but Grian would have to go shopping again soon. Oh how he loathed going to the store with all those people there. And then having to carry everything back. And put everything away. So annoying. Maybe he could get groceries delivered? No, that was so expensive.

He had been standing with the door open for several minutes, wasting precious electricity. He grabbed the ground beef out, closing the door. Yes. He could cook this! He could make… tacos. This was a wonderful plan, he could even use the tomatoes as a topping.

Grian started cooking, thinking about the game he was making again. Scar had told him some details, like how it was a fantasy type world with zombies and other creatures haunting the night. Apparently everyone had the ability to craft their own tools, which was neat. There weren't any modern weapons though, just swords and bows. They did have TNT which could definitely be used for traps. There was minor magic too. An enchanting table was a topic of fierce contention. Grian wanted to hear more about the world so he could help Scar figure out some cool bad endings.

The spicy smell of the meat filled the air. Grian got everything else ready, cheese, lettuce, the tomatoes, before heading to Scar's room. He felt bad disturbing him, but Scar had to eat or he'd have no energy to work. He knocked lightly on the door.

"Scar." He didn't answer. "Mr. Goodtimes!"

"I'm awake." Scar grumbled.

"Dinnertime!" Grian hoped the delicious tacos would cheer Scar up at least. He sounded miserable.

"I'll be there in a minute."

Grian let him be, going back into the kitchen to take the taco shells he had been warming up out of the stove. After that he fed Jellie, who seemed very interested in the tacos rather than her own food. "No people food." Grian told her sternly, but she meowed in the most dismayed way anyway.

The door to Scar's room opened. Grian looked up to see Scar wandering out of the room, yawning as he rubbed his eyes. That wasn't what really caught his attention. Scar was only wearing his boxers. No shirt, no pants, just boxers. Grian felt his face burning red as he shouted. "Scar! Pants!"

"Hmm?" Scar looked down at himself. "Boxers are like pants?"

Grian covered his face with both his hands. He sort of liked seeing Scar in this state of undress? No! What was he thinking? But did it really matter? He wasn't nude and everything was covered. This was fine.

Except now he could very clearly see the reason why Scar needed a cane. His left leg looked like it had been halfway exploded away and put back together almost correctly but not quite. There was a lot of scarring, way more than the rest of his body. Clearly he had been in some sort of accident and it had taken a huge toll on his body. His nice, shapely body. Grian felt himself going red again.

"Whatever. Just come and eat." Grian sat down at the table. Why was this making him so flustered anyway? Scar did have a nice body, maybe that's why. Yeah. Grian was just jealous. He wished he could look like that and parade around in his underwear. It wasn't fair.

Scar sat down at the table. "Oh! Taco Tuesday! On Saturday!"

"Sure." Grian chuckled. "Doc brought over some tomatoes for you, I used them, I hope you don't mind."

"It's all fine! I'm happy we got some homegrown produce. Nothing better." Scar started to construct his taco. He put far too much meat, but who was Grian to judge? It would probably all fall out when he took a bite, but that was a Scar problem.

Hmm. Actually, Scar looked really nice right now. His hair was all messed up and his eyes half-lidded. Grian wanted to draw him. He took out his phone and opened up MediBang Paint and got to scribbling away. His phone had a pen that made drawing much easier. He used to carry around a sketchbook, but nowadays it was convenient to use his phone for fast drawings.

He sketched away, trying to get his face just right. It took him a moment to notice Scar staring at him. "What are you doing? Why aren't you eating?"

"I was. Uh." Grian placed his phone down. How could he possibly explain that he was drawing Scar. Especially when Scar was hardly dressed. Was Grian some kind of pervert? Why did he decide now was the best time to draw Scar? He didn't even ask permission. "Drawing. Ummm."

"Were you drawing me?" Scar's eyes lit up.

"Maybe?" Why was he so excited about that? "I was thinking that the main character in our game probably looks a lot like you."

"How flattering, but you should eat. You can draw later." Scar pushed the taco meat towards him.

"Yeah." Grian started to make his own taco. "Did you have a name in mind for the game?"

"Third Life." Scar nodded. "Since you have three lives to live."

"Oh yeah. I was meaning to ask how that works." Grian sprinkled some cheese on his taco before adding the tomatoes. "How do they come back to life? Is it like a zombie situation? You said there are zombies."

"No. It's more like magic. The first two lives, you die and poof! All the things you are holding fall to the ground, but your body disappears. Then you wake up in bed like nothing happened."

"Oh. Like it was a bad dream." Grian crunched down on his taco. "I guess that means the other participants could steal your stuff after you die."

"Yes, but mostly they don't unless they are on the last life. Gentleman's honor." Scar had finished his taco. Most of the meat did end up on his plate, but he just started to eat that with a fork. "The final and permanent death does leave a corpse behind."

"Interesting." Grian had many more questions. "Why are they participating in the death games?"

"Hmm?" Scar put his fork down. "Why?"

"Yeah. Is there a prize? Are some rich people getting off on watching a bunch of fools murdering each other?" That seemed to be the set-up for most of these games.

"I guess so?" Scar rubbed his chin. "I never thought of that."

Grian laughed. "You built up this whole world but you didn't think about why the characters would play a death game?"

"Perhaps." Scar shifted his eyes to the side. "Let's say the prize is living and they were all forced into it by evil unseen entities."

"Oh! Like they were kidnapped." Grian thought about it. "Didn't you say the main character dying is the catalyst for the whole game? What if the people playing the game don't even realize the true nature of the game until someone dies and comes back to life? They were only told to survive beforehand, then they realize that this game is not what it seems. And once someone goes red it's game over."

"Oh, did I tell you the color system?" Scar started to make another taco.

"Color system?" Grian tilted his head to the side.

"Yes. You start on green, first death is yellow, and the final life is red." Scar explained.

"Oh." Why did Grian say red? He wasn't sure. Maybe Scar had told him. "Yes. So what do you think of my idea?"

"Very good! I'm glad you are helping me. You are finding all my plot holes." Scar grinned as he bit into another overstuffed taco.

"I do what I can." Grian chuckled.

They chatted for a bit longer before Grian cleaned up. Scar went back into his room. Grian watched him go, seeing the way his back sloped down into the nice curve of his butt. Wait, why was he looking at that?

Grian ran back to his own room. He must be very jealous of Scar's body and that's why he couldn't stop looking. It would help if Scar wore clothes! What, was he an exhibitionist?

He needed to distract himself. Grian looked at his phone. Pearl had called him a couple of times. He really wished she would stop. Ren had also messaged him with a link to his podcast. Grian clicked on the link, finding it was a story-telling podcast in the science fiction vein. He should check it out, that would distract him from the everything else going on in his life.

His eyes closed as he listened to Ren's voice, telling a story of a far-off lands and daring heros. Jono's music seemed to fit perfectly. He dozed off to sleep.

He woke up to a loud explosion. Fireworks. Someone was setting off fireworks. Why? Was it a holiday? Grian lost track of time and wasn't entirely sure of the date. Wait, is that why Keralis was having a BBQ? Grian grabbed his phone to look at the date, but was distracted by the time. It was past eleven, Scar must've gone to work already.

Working the night shift on some holiday must be rough. But what if that sound wasn't fireworks? What if it was gunshots? What if the gas station was being robbed?

No, he shouldn't even think that and put that energy into the world. But the thought was hard to shake. Grian didn't want anything bad to happen to Scar, but Scar could take care of himself, right?

Grian got up from bed. He had to distract himself. The painting! Since he was taking a little break from commissions, he should work on his painting. It was smudged but he could fix it. Might be a fun challenge.

Grian got everything ready and made sure his door was shut tight before getting to work. It was relaxing, actually. Grian took a long breath in and out, watching his brush glide along the canvas. This is what he needed to forget what Pearl had said and all the other lingering bad feelings in his chest.

Somehow painting this brought Scar to mind. Why couldn't Grian get him out of his head? He could see him, running around without his shirt on like a moron. God, why was he like that?

Was Scar really okay alone at that gas station in the middle of the night?

Actually Grian was hungry. Yes. Starving. So hungry. Not for any of the food in the house. He needed, uh, a bag of chips. Immediately. Oh but where could he get one? Guess he had to go to the gas station!

Grian left, making sure his bedroom door was firmly closed behind him. Outside was much cooler than the daytime. It was pretty quiet too, now that no one was setting off fireworks. Too quiet. It felt a bit like Grian was somewhere he shouldn't be, it was that quiet. He walked quickly to the gas station, hardly seeing anyone else on the way.

Grian stepped inside. Scar was sitting at the register, typing on his phone. He looked up when Grian entered, his eyes going wide in shock. "Grian? What are you doing here?"

Oh no. Why did Grian come here? This was stupid. He could've just texted Scar if he was so worried. There was no reason to walk all the way here.

"Um." Grian put his hands in his pocket. He didn't want to tell Scar how worried he was! "I missed you?"

No, that was worse.

Scar gave him the most smug smile Grian had ever seen in his life. "Ah. You just can't keep away."

"Yup. That's totally what happened. I wasn't hoping that you had fallen asleep so I could rob you blind." Grian deflected.

"Too bad for you. I drank a whole can of monster. I really have to pee." Scar declared.

"Oh my god. Go to the bathroom Scar." Grian shook his head.

"I can't go, I don't want you to miss me too much while I'm gone." Scar winked at him.

"Oh shut up." Grian grabbed a bag of chips. "I'm hungry."

"Sure. Sure. How would you like to pay, dear customer? Cash or credit?" Scar put on his best retail voice.

"Don't do that. It doesn't suit you." Grian laughed. He felt better now that he could see that Scar was alright. Grian really had just been stupid. He bought his bag of chip and headed back home. The house was really quiet, once he got back.

He kinda did miss Scar, a little bit.

Chapter Text

Grian didn't wake up until after 11am. He really screwed up his sleeping schedule now. Not like he kept to one, he didn't really need to, but with Scar around he had been awake during the day more. It was nice to have a normal person schedule for a few days. Maybe he could get back to it again, he just had to go to bed at a normal time tonight.

He spent the day working on some commissions. He said he wanted to take a break, but he nearly immediately felt guilty. It wasn't fair to everyone who was paying him. Besides, he didn't want to get a reputation as someone who took forever to get art done. Then no one would commission him.

He sent out a couple WIPs before starting the line art on a different piece. It never ended. Why had he taken on so many commissions? Oh right because his stupid ex-roommate ran away. Scar had been here about a week but it felt like longer? Not in a bad way, a good way. It felt like Grian had known Scar for much longer than he had. Well, some people get along better than others and he got on fantastically with Scar. Minus the one fight.

Scar, on the other hand, wandered around in a daze for most of the day. He knocked on Grian's door in the late afternoon, "Grian?"

"What's up?" Grian was concentrating on his work, but he heard the door open.

"What are you doing?" Scar walked into the room.

"Drawing a commission." Grian looked up briefly. Oh, so today Scar decided to wear pajama pants? Did he decide he just wasn't going to get dressed? Mood honestly.

"Can I watch?" Scar asked, looking over Grian's shoulder.

"Uh." Grian didn't want someone to watch him draw. It felt so awkward. Or like, he'd be judged for the way he was drawing. Or they'd figure out that Grian wasn't that great of an artist, that he was a fraud who could just barely draw anything. "I mean it would be boring. I'm just doing the inking."

"The what?" Scar sat down on the bed, yawning very widely.

"The line art. I'm tracing over my sketch and making the lines neat, see? It's so dull, you don't want to watch this." Grian showed him, hoping he could see how boring it was, but Scar still looked interested. Or maybe he looked exhausted. A bit of both.

"I want to see."

"Okay." Grian turned back around. He guessed it was fine if it was Scar. He couldn't see Scar judging him or telling him he was doing it wrong. From where Scar was sitting behind him, Grian had no idea if Scar could see, but Scar didn't complain. Grian went back to drawing. Scar was being so quiet that Grian forgot he was even there.

When he finished, Grian turned around to see Scar still on his bed. Except he had laid down and passed out. What, why did he come into Grian's room? Just to fall asleep on Grian's bed? Wouldn't he be more comfortable in his own room? Now Grian had to wake him up and he was going to be grumpy since he worked all night.

Oh, but he looked so cute. His eyes closed, his chest slowly rising and falling, a peaceful smile on his lips. Grian bent down next to the bed, looking closer at Scar's face. Wow, he was quite handsome, wasn't he? Very rugged and manly. He even had a bit of a five o'clock shadow coming in. Grian couldn't grow facial hair, he was so jealous. He moved in closer, feeling Scar's hot breath, gently running a finger down Scar's jawline-

"Grian?" Scar opened his eyes.

"Ah!" Grian stumbled backwards and fell onto his butt.

"What are you doing?" Scar lifted himself up, rubbing his eyes.

Oh no. What was Grian doing? "I was. Uh."

"Hmm?" Scar looked down at Grian, who was still sitting on the floor.

"You have a nice face?"

No, wrong, don't just say that! He won't understand!

"I want you."

No, no, no. Forgot a few words there. I want to be like you. Say that. Say something! Anything! Aaaaaaaaaaaa!

Grian put both his hands to his face and screamed, just a little. Why was his mouth not saying the right words?

Scar got off the bed and knelt down next to Grian. "It's okay if you-"

"That's not what I meant to say." Grian groaned. "I'm sorry. I'm just really jealous of how you look. I could never look as manly as you."

"Oh?" Scar sat down on the floor. "You are plenty manly! Like a wild stallion running free on the plains, you exude a manly aura."

"Uh-huh." Grian laughed, taking his hands away from his face. "You don't have to humor me. I know I'm not exactly passing."

"Passing?" Scar squinted one of his eyes. "What does that mean?"

"Because I'm trans?" Wait a second. Did Scar actually not know?

"You're trans? I had no idea." Scar's mouth dropped open.

"Really?" Grian laughed to himself. Of course, Scar was way too oblivious to figure it out. "Why did you get mad at Pearl for saying I was pretending then?"

"Is that what she meant?" Scar gasped. "That's really mean! I didn't know what she meant but you looked so sad I couldn't help but get upset."

"Oh my god." Grian shook his head, smiling. "Well thank you for defending me either way. I guess this is me telling you that I'm trans then."

"Okay!" Scar gave him a thumbs up. "For the record, I really don't think you are pretending at being a man. You clearly are one."

"Thanks." Grian smiled. If Scar couldn't tell then he must be doing alright. That made him happy, but he would rather not talk about it. "Okay that's enough of that. We should go eat. There are so many more tomatoes."

"Oh, yes! I was thinking we could make some homemade pizza! I can make my special sauce." Scar winked as he stood up.

"That sounds a little ominous, but I'm in." Grian got up as well. "Do we have the stuff to make dough?"

"No! Let's go to the grocery store!" Scar picked up his cane and walked towards the door.

"Alright, but you have to put on real pants!"

Grian woke up the next day feeling groggy. The previous day had been fun, he enjoyed cooking with Scar, but he kept getting a bad feeling in his stomach. He wasn't even sure why. His life in general probably. It didn't help that his sister kept trying to contact him. Why couldn't she just leave him alone? Hadn't she hurt him enough?

Honestly he just wanted to lie in bed all day and not do a single thing. Maybe that would make these awful feelings go away.

No. That would just make him feel worse. He hadn't worked on anything for the video game or his commissions. Ugh. Why was he so lazy? Maybe it wasn’t laziness? But he couldn’t stop doing things without his mind screaming that he was wasting time. He wanted to take a break but his mind literally wouldn't let him.

He got up and looked at his computer. Oh no. Why was Joel messaging him again?

Smallishbeans: Are you alright?
Smallishbeans: You said you are taking a break for mental health reasons?
Grian: im okay
Grian: just feeling a bit
Grian: idk
Grian: im okay tho
Grian: im still working on commissions
Smallishbeans: That's hardly taking a break
Grian: lol
Grian: im too poor to take a real break
Grian: i feel bad if im not working anyway
Grian: you honestly dont have to worry about me just cause I went to high school with your wife
Smallishbeans: That's not why I'm worrying you silly nugget
Smallishbeans: I never really considered what your living situation might be before I met you.
Smallishbeans: I didn't realize you were having such a hard time
Grian: im doing my best
Smallishbeans: I don't suppose you would take a $500 tip before the art is done?
Grian: dont
Grian: id feel more guilty
Grian: joel I promise you that im not as bad off as you think
Grian: besides i have scar
Grian: hes not gonna let me starve or anything
Smallishbeans: Alright.
Smallishbeans: But please take an actual break. Or else I won't stop messaging you and I'll monopolize all your time
Smallishbeans: That's a threat
Grian: very menacing
Grian: im taking a break dont worry

Why was Joel so worried? God, was it because Grian nearly cried in front of him? He hated his stupid emotions. He didn't want to make people feel bad for him. He should finish Joel's commission next so he would leave Grian alone. Not today though. He really should take a break.

Grian got up and looked over at his easel. He could work on that painting. Doing that distracted him and made him feel better. Also made him think of Scar for whatever reason. That wasn't a bad thing though. He did want to get the painting to match his mental image. The gravestone had to be just right, the cactus ring placed this way, the cliff menacingly high-

He was working on the painting for probably over an hour when he heard a knock at the door. "Come in!"

"Hello Grian! I was texting Lizzie and-" Scar paused, looking at what Grian was painting. "Huh. I didn't tell you the setting for the final battle, did I?"

"What?" Grian looked up from his painting. Final battle? Was Scar talking about his game? "This? I was painting this before I even knew about the video game. Why, does it look like something you have planned for the game?"

Scar sucked in a sharp breath. "Yes. Sort of. What a crazy consistent. Er. Conwincawdance. No."

"Coincidence?" Grian had a strange feeling in his stomach, different from the bad feeling from earlier. Did this really look like something Scar wanted in his game? "If that's the case, we can use this as one of the backgrounds. I mean having a couple of hand painted backgrounds for important scenes would really make our game stand out."

"That's true." Scar rubbed his chin. "Good idea! This will be perfect."

"Good, so what were you saying about Lizzie?" Since when was Scar such good friends with her? Or maybe Scar just got along with everyone.

"Oh!" Scar pulled out his phone. "She needs us to babysit Hermes for a few hours this afternoon. She was supposed to watch him but she's going to be busy."

"Huh? Who is Hermes?" Grian put his paintbrush down in his cup of water.

"Hermes is Joel and Sausage's son." Scar looked at his phone. "Lizzie said she would pay us. I already said yes."

"I'm not good with children." Grian shook his head. "I can't babysit."

"How can you be bad with children?" Scar asked.

"I don't know. I don't know how to talk to them." He shook his head again. "Can't do it."

"But-"

"No buts." Grian stood up, pushing Scar out of his room. "Have fun babysitting!"

"Grian!" Scar shouted, but Grian shut the door and locked it. No way was he getting involved with that. It wasn't that he disliked children, he just felt so awkward around them. Like kids are really impressionable. What if he said the wrong thing and scarred the child for life. He couldn't handle that responsibility!

Grian got back to work on his painting. Did this really look like a scene Scar imagined in his game? So there was a desert environment then. Scar did mention there were several different biomes…

The front door opened. Grian could hear voices.

"Thank you Scar." Lizzie said. "I should only be gone for a couple hours. Where is Grian?"

"He locked himself in his room." Scar replied.

"Oh did he now?" Lizzie said, there was a shuffling of feet. "Grian! Come meet Hermes!"

Maybe if Grian didn't respond she would go away? He wasn't even here. Yup.

Lizzie sighed at the other side of the door. "Scar! Let me tell you embarrassing stories from when Grian was in high school."

"No." Grian mouthed. Well she couldn't get too embarrassing, right? There was a child out there. He wasn't going to fall for her bait.

"You don't have to-" Scar started but Grian heard chairs being pulled out like she was sitting down. Didn't she have something to do? Go!

"I have to Scar. I really have to. Here Hermes, you can color."

"Okay." The child responded.

"So listen to this." Lizzie started. "For the final project in our art class, we had to make a statue with the theme of 'coming home'. Grian took the theme in the most interesting direction! By that I mean he made the most phallic looking statue I have ever seen and he painted it bright pink. He also made it so massive that it wouldn't fit through any doors. Rumor is that it's still there to this very day."

"That sounds like something he would do." Scar remarked.

Grian grit his teeth. Okay maybe he had done that. The part about it being too big was an accident. A hilarious accident. He wondered if it really was still there. In any case that was hardly embarrassing.

"And one time, in gym class, we were at the pool and Grian decided he wasn't swimming that day, so he was just walking around the pool. One of the girls dared him to jump into the pool with his clothes on and he did." Lizzie told another anecdote, Grian could hear the mirth in her voice.

That wasn't embarrassing. That was awesome. In fact, Lizzie was the class valedictorian and she couldn't figure out what to talk about in her speech for graduation. Grian told her to talk about him jumping in the pool as a joke and she actually did? She made it sound inspiring somehow, like how we should all take the leap and try something new. Grian had only jumped in the pool because he thought it was funny. He didn't even get in trouble for that one, although the gym teacher had sighed really loudly.

"Another time Grian went into the English teacher's room and turned everything upside down. I actually helped with that one."

That was also awesome. Was she even trying to embarrass Grian? Or was she just listing off the coolest things he had done?

"Oh, I thought of something really embarrassing. Let me set the scene. It's lunchtime, a couple of weeks before prom, and Grian walks into the cafeteria, dressed to the nines in a suit and tie."

No. No, not this story.

"Grian goes up to BigB, you remember BigB? He was at the barbecue. Anyway, Grian-"

"Nope!" Grian unlocked the door and burst out. "Nothing happened!"

"Oh hello Grian." Lizzie turned to smile at him, looking full of herself. "How nice of you to join us."

"Ugh." Grian groaned. He hadn't been strong enough to withstand her mental attack!

"Anyway, let me tell you what happened-" Lizzie turned back to Scar.

"Nooooo!" Grian rushed over to the table. "Nothing happened! Scar, don't listen to her."

"Oh, so you didn't get down on one knee to ask BigB to prom?" Lizzie smirked. "Except when you bent over you ripped a huge hole in the butt of your pants?"

"Noooo!" Grian fell to his knees. That was the final blow, he was knocked out. Complete victory to Lizzie.

"That's not so bad," Scar held back his laughter.

"But you don't know the worst part." Lizzie leaned in closer to Scar. "BigB was already going to prom with Ren."

"I'm already dead!" Grian cried. "You don't have to attack anymore!"

"Sorry Grian. You shouldn't have locked yourself in your room." Lizzie pointed across the table. "Say hi to Hermes."

Grian stood back up, looking at the small child. He must be only four or five years old, he was a very tiny human. Hermes had a coloring book in front of him, but he was looking at Grian with a smile. Oh no. Grian had to talk to a child. "Hello. Hermes."

Lizzie laughed. "Hermes, this is your Uncle Grian. He and Uncle Scar are going to look after you."

Hermes nodded. "Okay. Uncle Gri, Auntie Lizzie said you are good at drawing. Can I see?" Hermes looked at Grian so earnestly. How could Grian possibly refuse?

Chapter Text

"Okay." Grian sat down next to Hermes. He could do this, he'd draw something for him and then leave the rest up to Scar. He could totally deal with a child for a few minutes, yeah. "What do you want me to draw?"

"My daddy controls the weather." Hermes said, grinning at Grian.

"Oh?" Grian raised an eyebrow. "Which daddy?"

"Daddy Joel. He's a weatherman." Hermes said weatherman with as much reverence as someone introducing the president. "He makes it rain."

"He doesn't make it rain. He predicts the weather." Grian tried to explain. Wait, maybe he shouldn't break this child's fragile illusion? This might be like him believing in Santa or something.

"When he says it'll rain it does." Hermes continued like Grian hadn't said anything. "Weatherman."

"Right." Grian chuckled. What did this have to do with Grian drawing for him?

"When it rains the frogs all come out." Hermes made his hand into a ball and made it jump across the table. "Hop, hop!"

"So you want me to draw a frog." Why couldn't he just say that?

"Yes." Hermes nodded. "I like frogs."

"Okay." Grian held out his hand. "Commissions start at fifty bucks."

Hermes looked at Grian’s hand for a long moment before smacking it like a high-five.

"I'll accept that as payment." Not like he really expected a kid to pay him. He pulled out his phone and searched for frogs.

"What are you doing?" Hermes sat up, looking at his phone.

"I'm looking up references." Grian held his phone lower so he could see.

"What's a references?" Hermes asked.

"Oh. It's like. Hmm." How should he explain it? "It's when you look up pictures of something similar to what you want to draw. I don't ever draw frogs so I'm not sure how. So I have to look up other frogs."

Hermes's eyes grew wide. "You don't know how to draw everything?"

"No way." Grian chuckled. "I have like, a uh. A library in my brain of things I draw all the time that I can use to draw new things. Frogs aren't in my library yet, but if I draw them enough they'll get added."

"Brain library." Hermes said in awe.

"Yes!" Grian smiled. "Do you want to play a game?"

"I wanna play!" Hermes shook his fists.

"Alright, let's both try and draw a frog from memory and then try and draw one using a reference so we can compare." Grian picked up a crayon. "Then you'll understand exactly how useful a reference is."

"Okay." Hermes picked out a crayon too. "I'm gonna draw the best frog."

Grian laughed. "We'll see. Alright, let's draw."

Grian drew up a basic sketch of a frog pretty quickly. It might be a little crude, but it was recognizable as a frog at least. He then watched as Hermes drew, his tongue stuck out in concentration. Hermes finished up, holding his picture for Grian to see.

"Very nice. He's friend-shaped." Grian looked at Hermes's art. The frog was a green circle with a very long tongue sticking out.

"Friend!" Hermes giggled. "I like yours too."

"Thanks. Now let's try it while looking at a picture of a frog." Grian placed his phone down on the table so they both could see it.

After a few more minutes of sketching away, they both finished. Hermes's little friend had legs this time. Grian definitely drew something closer to a real frog. "There, do you see the power of reference?"

"Yeah." Hermes looked at all the art. "We made a lot of frog friends."

"We sure did. I think yours are really cute. You are very talented, Hermes." Grian smiled at him.

"I'm talented!" Hermes turned around to look at Scar, who was currently cooking something in the kitchen. "Uncle Scar, Uncle Gri said I'm talented!"

"Wow! What an honor!" Scar smiled at him. "Why don't you two get washed up? I made mac n cheese."

"Okay." Hermes ran over towards the bathroom. "I can't reach the sink."

"Oh. I have a step-stool." Grian grabbed it out of the kitchen and brought it into the bathroom.

As Hermes was washing up, Grian looked around the apartment. "Did Lizzie leave?"

"Oh yes. She left while you were drawing. Said she didn't want to disturb you because it looked like you were having fun." Scar smirked at him. "I thought you weren't good with kids."

"I'm not!" Grian groaned. Oh no, he had said so many words to Hermes. He probably had given him life-long trauma. In ten years he'd be in therapy talking about his weird uncle who made him draw frogs. Frogs!

Hermes returned from the bathroom. He showed Grian his hands. "I washed."

"Good, uh, good job." Now Grian felt self-conscious. It was fine. He could do this. Hermes was just a small person, Grian wasn't going to mess him up for life. "I'm going to wash up too."

Grian sighed as he washed his hands. Hopefully Hermes at least enjoyed their little drawing lesson. Maybe Hermes would pick up drawing someday. He laughed to himself as he thought of Hermes also tormenting Lizzie with drawings of Shrek.

When he returned to the table, Scar served the mac n cheese. It looked better than the box kind? How had he done this? They hadn't been drawing that long. Grian took a bite, it was really good.

"Great job Scar. Uh. Uncle Scar." Grian wasn't even sure what to call him in front of Hermes. "You are really good at cooking."

"Yeah!" Hermes held up his fork.

"Thank you." Scar blushed ever so slightly.

"I have a question." Hermes said through a mouthful of pasta. "Are Uncle Scar and Uncle Gri dating?"

"Oh no. We're not." Grian replied. Did it look like that to Hermes? Well he had two dads, he probably thought that sort of thing was normal. It should be more normal, actually.

"Oh." Hermes nodded his head. "I see."

What exactly did he see? Grian didn't get to ask because Scar started to speak, "Do you live with your dads?"

"Yeah. And Auntie Lizzie. We have a big house!" Hermes lifted up his hands to demonstrate.

"Oh." Scar nodded his head. "I see."

What did Scar see? No, no, Grian shouldn't let himself get distracted. Now that he had Joel's child in his apartment, he could get him to pass on a message. "Hermes, you should tell your daddy Joel about how good your Uncle Grian is doing and how he shouldn't worry about me anymore."

Hermes tilted his head at Grian. "Why is my daddy worried about you?"

"He thinks I don't eat enough and that I work too much." Grian ate a big spoonful of the mac. "Look, I'm eating. Scar feeds me."

"You need to eat a lot so you grow up big and strong." Hermes looked over at Grian, his fork hanging out of his mouth.

"I'm not growing anymore." Grian laughed. "I'm still eating a lot, you must tell your father."

"Okay!" Hermes smiled.

Grian was glad that was settled. Joel would leave him alone and stop worrying so much.

Scar had been quiet during that conversation but now he spoke up. "Hey, Hermes, do you like video games?"

Hermes nodded. "I play them sometimes."

"Let's play after you are done eating." Scar rubbed his chin. "We can play Super Smash Bros."

"Yes." Hermes pumped a fist. "I want to be Pit!"

"Okay." Scar grinned. "I'll play as Falco. Do you want to play, Grian?"

"Oh. Um." Grian tried to remember the last time he played that game. It had been a long time. "Sure. I don't know who to play as."

"You can figure it out." Scar ate some more. "Maybe you should be Link."

"I do like Link." Grian had probably played every single Legend of Zelda game. And there were a lot of them.

Wait, why had he agreed to play games? Wasn't he trying to get away from the child? It just seemed rude to do that at this point though.

They all finished eating and headed into Scar's room. Grian rarely went into Scar's room despite how often Scar barged into his. He felt a little awkward as he sat down on the bed, facing the TV. Scar had a lot of game consoles lined up on the TV stand. He turned one of them on and fiddled with some wire before sitting down next to Grian, handing him a controller. Hermes sat on the floor, right in front of the bed.

The game started and they all selected their characters. Grian gulped as the round began. How did one play this again? There were a lot of buttons. Which one was jump? Not that one. No, not that one either. A shoulder button? What was going on?

Grian watched in despair as his character went careening over the edge. "Hey!"

"Hehe." Hermes laughed.

His character came back and Grian was determined. He rapidly hit every button. Wait, he jumped! How did he do that? Oh no he was falling again. Grian groaned. There must be something he was missing. He wasn't going to lose so easily! He violently shook the controller, hitting every button, trying to aim himself in the direction of the other characters.

The match was over fairly quickly. Needless to say, his strategy of button mashing hadn't worked so well. Hermes turned around and looked up at Grian, "Are you trying to lose?"

Clearly he didn't mean it as a taunt, he was only a child, but rage burst through his body. "I'll show you who is trying to lose! Let's go again!"

A couple matches later and Grian hadn't even landed a single hit. Ah, he should go lock himself in his room again, this was just embarrassing.

"Grian, do you not understand how to play?" Scar asked. He wasn't being rude but Grian felt belittled anyway.

"I know. How." Grian sneered at him.

"Uh-huh." Scar patted his lap. "Here, sit on my lap and I'll show you how to play."

Grian grit his teeth. "I'm not a child!"

"I know. If you learn the buttons then you can play." Scar grinned. "Come on Grian, it'll be more fun if you understand."

"Yeah. I'm not sitting on your lap though." Grian failed to see how that would help.

Now Scar was pouting, his lips pursed and his eyes big and wet and shiny.

"Why are you pouting!" Grian said. Scar didn't say anything, his eyes shining even more. "Fine. I'll sit closer so you can show me."

Grian scooted closer, his leg touching Scar's. He gulped, this was too close. He was going to pass out. But then Scar put an arm around him, reaching to his opposite side. "Okay. So this is how you jump." Scar placed his hands over Grian's on the controller, pressing down the button.

Grian felt his face going bright red as Scar instructed him, his fingers pressed against his own. Oh no. He couldn't even concentrate on what Scar was saying. He could just feel his body heat, his soothing voice. It made his stomach feel funny, but it was a nice sensation so he didn't complain.

Wait. Grian focused on the game. The winged character Hermes had been playing was standing still. Grian looked down and noticed that Hermes wasn't there, his controller abandoned to the side.

"Scar. Stop." Grian took a deep breath and wiggled out of his hold. "Where did the child go?"

"Hmm?" Scar looked around the room. "Hermes?"

There was no response. Oh no. "We lost Hermes!"

"It's alright." Scar cleared his throat. "He probably went to the bathroom."

Grian jumped up from the bed. "Hermes?" He called out, running from the room. The bathroom door was open and the light was off. He ran over anyway, finding it empty. Oh no Hermes really was gone. Lizzie was going to kill him. "Hermes!"

His heart pounding, Grian raced around the apartment, trying to find him. He couldn't have left, right? No, he definitely would've heard the door opening.

A giggling sound. Grian heard a giggling sound from his room. He raced in, tracing the sound to under his bed. He pulled up the bed skirt and saw Hermes hiding underneath. "Child! You scared the heart out of me!"

Hermes giggled as he rolled out from under the bed. "It was funny."

Ah. He had been pranked by a child. "I should be mad, but I'm actually a little impressed."

Scar, probably hearing the commotion, came into the room. "Hermes. There you are! You should've told us if you wanted to play hide and seek."

"I was bored." Hermes looked up at Scar. "Did Uncle Gri figure out how to play?"

"I can play!" Grian shouted.

Scar ruffled Grian's hair. "I think he might put up a fight now."

Hermes jumped. "Yes! Let's play!"

They spent the rest of the afternoon playing video games. Grian did eventually figure out the buttons and got to have fun. This wasn't so bad, actually, playing games with Scar and Hermes. It almost made him think that being a parent might not be so bad, even though he swore he wouldn't have children.

A knocking came at the door before long. Grian got up to answer it, seeing Lizzie standing there. "I have come to collect Hermes."

Grian felt a little disappointed that Hermes had to go. "Hermes! Your Auntie Lizzie is here."

Hermes came out of Scar's room, followed by Scar. "It's time to go already?"

"Yes. I'm afraid so." Lizzie smiled at Hermes. "Did you have fun?"

"Yeah! Uncle Gri taught me how to draw frogs and then we played video games." Hermes motioned for Lizzie to come closer. He whispered very loudly, "Uncle Gri and Uncle Scar are married."

"What?" Grian felt his face going red. "No we are not."

Lizzie ignored him. "Oh really? How did you come about this information?"

"I saw them holding hands. And Uncle Gri said they weren't dating so they must be married." Hermes elaborated.

"Oh no. We aren't married yet." Scar shook his head.

"Don't say yet! You'll give them the wrong idea" Grian threw his hands up into the air. "We weren't even holding hands, Scar was showing me how to play the game."

"Uh-huh." Lizzie didn't sound convinced in the slightest. "In any case, here is your pay. Thank you for looking after Hermes."

"No problem." It wasn't worth arguing that he wasn't married to Scar. Lizzie could think whatever she wanted. He took the envelope, placing it on the table. He grabbed the pictures he had drawn with Hermes and handed them over to him. "Here you go, your commissions."

"Thanks Uncle Gri. Let's draw again!" Hermes smiled as he left with Lizzie. Once they were gone, Grian collapsed on the couch.

"That was fun." Scar sat down next to him. "Hardly felt like work at all. Although I do have to work tomorrow morning."

"That sucks." Grian groaned. "I wish we had more time to work on the video game."

"We can work on it tomorrow. I've been writing up descriptions for the characters and a flow chart of events! I need you to help design some of the monsters too. So much work." Scar sank further into the couch.

Yeah. It was a lot, but Grian had a feeling once they got rolling it would go smoothly. "We'll get it done. Together. What do you want for dinner? I'll cook since you made lunch."

"Hmm. Let's make salads and use up the rest of the tomatoes." Scar heaved himself up. "I can help you."

"Sure." Grian got to his feet. Somehow it felt like he could do anything, as long as Scar was by his side.

Chapter Text

Grian laughed as he swept, moving the bristles along the floor. The kitchen floor wasn't getting any cleaner, mostly because Jellie was swiping at the broom every time he moved it. It was entertaining enough that Grian didn't want to stop her. Having a cat was great, he wanted more cats, actually.

Well since he wasn't accomplishing any cleaning, he should go shopping. He had been to the grocery store with Scar the other day to get pizza dough, but they needed other staples. They had run completely out of bread and they were about to run out of milk.

He was worried about the money when he remembered that Lizzie paid him yesterday. He hadn't even asked how much she was going to pay. He opened up the envelope still sitting on the table.

This was way too much money. Grian creased his brow as he counted up to $500. What? Why? He didn't even have her phone number so he couldn't ask. Actually, he could message Joel, even though he would rather jump in an icy lake. He didn't want to take this much money, what if she made a mistake?

Grian: joel
Grian: your wife overpaid me for babysitting your son
Smallishbeans: I don't think she did
Grian: yeah she did
Grian: 500 is too much
Smallishbeans: I think it's adequate compensation for taking care of my son on short notice
Grian: -_-
Grian: is it tho
Smallishbeans: No take backs!
Smallishbeans: Get wrecked, nerd!
Grian: why are you like this?
Smallishbeans: Because I'm very handsome and generous and tall and did I mention handsome?
Grian: yeah okay
Smallishbeans: Anyway
Smallishbeans: Thanks for looking after Hermes.
Smallishbeans: He won't stop talking about you.
Grian: oh no
Smallishbeans: Yeah he said you suck at video games
Smallishbeans: What a loser, couldn't be me
Grian: i bet i could beat you
Smallishbeans: Maybe someday we'll test that
Smallishbeans: (I will win)
Smallishbeans: But I have to get back to work.
Smallishbeans: Smell you later!

Grian sighed. Joel was quite the character. At least he hadn't told him to take a break or eat or anything. Hermes must've convinced him that Grian was fine. Excellent job, Hermes.

He would split the money with Scar, but he had a little extra cash now. He was taking a little break, or at least he was trying to. If he was taking a break he should get out of the house. He searched on his phone to see if any events were happening nearby, ignoring the messages Pearl had sent him. Hmmm, there was a food truck fest at the park on Friday. That sounded like fun, he bet Scar would like to go. He would ask him when he got home.

That evening, once Scar got home from work, they worked on the game together. Mostly going over the flow chart that Scar had laid out on the coffee table. Scar had written out details for the "true" path, as well as places where it might diverge. Grian looked at the notes, a strange feeling growing in his stomach. The very beginning seemed familiar to him. Way too familiar.

"So this creeper creature is led over towards the main character and explodes, killing him." Grian bit his lip. Didn't something like that happen in one of his dreams? Was this deja vu? It felt far too familiar.

"Yup! That's the catalyst for the game starting." Scar grinned at him.

"Right. Hold on a second." Grian pulled out his phone and started to draw what he remembered from his dream. That strange leafy creature with the black eyes and wide frowning mouth. He showed Scar the sketch. "The creeper looks like this?"

"Yes." Scar looked at his sketch. "That's exactly what I was thinking."

"Hmm." Grian didn't like the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. Why did he know that? He really felt like he had dreamed about this, but maybe he was wrong. Yeah. He must be. Why would he be dreaming about Scar's video game before he even knew about it? That really didn't explain how he knew what a creeper looked like.

"Something wrong?" Scar looked up from Grian's phone.

"No." Grian shook his head as he placed his phone down on the table. Maybe he really did need a break if he was having such weird deja vu. He didn't want to think about this anymore. "Scar, there's a food truck fest on The Green this Friday. Do you want to go with me?"

"The Green?" Scar asked.

"Yeah. That's what they call the park in the middle of the city. A couple years back they ran a contest to see what to call it and The Green won." Grian shrugged. "Haven't you lived in the city for a while? Didn't you know?"

"Grian." Scar turned towards him slowly. "I don't know anything."

He said that so seriously it made Grian laugh. "Of course. How can I be so dumb?"

Scar grinned at him. "It's okay, dummy. I'll go with you. It's a date."

Date? Surely he didn't mean an actual date. This was just Scar being Scar. Grian smiled back at him. "Yup!"

A few days later, while Grian was working on finishing up some commissions, he heard rain hitting the window. He was nearly done with everything, he didn't think he could take a real restful break while he had so much work hanging over his head so he was finishing up. And then he could really work on the video game with Scar and take an actual break. Unfortunately the sound of rain tapping against glass was making him feel so sleepy. It was hard to get any work done like this. He put his head down on his desk, looking over at the poppy plant.

Hmm. Scar was going to get out of work soon. He had to walk home in this mess. Grian sat up, stretching his arms over his head until he heard his back crack. He should bring him an umbrella. He didn't want Scar to get all wet, he might get sick. They were supposed to be going to the food truck fest tomorrow!

Grian wandered over towards his closet and dug out his umbrella. He hardly ever used it, he just didn't go out if it rained. His umbrella was a bright red that matched his sweaters. Grian tested to see if it still worked. Oh, but wasn't it bad luck to open an umbrella inside? He was sure he heard that somewhere. He closed the umbrella quickly. The bad luck couldn't catch him!

He headed out, calling out to Jellie as he left, "Look after the place while I'm gone!"

Jellie lazily lifted her head, blinking twice, placing her head down on her paws and falling asleep. So cute! Clearly the house was in good hands (paws) so he went outside.

It was really coming down. The sky was a dark gray, the rain falling in streaks. Even his umbrella hardly kept him dry. At least Scar wouldn't have to walk home and get all wet. Grian was the best roommate!

At the stoplight, Grian stood a bit back from the curb as he waited for the light to change. Every car that passed by was splashing water up at him. He kept having to dodge out of the way. A huge truck rumbled past, making Grian leap back, and that's when a huge gust of wind blew by, ripping the umbrella right out of his hands.

Grian couldn't even react. He watched the umbrella go flying out of his hands and into the street. The sound of it being crunched under the tires of a car barely audible over the rain currently pounding on his head.

"Oh no." The light finally changed. Grian ran out to grab his umbrella before running to the other side of the street. He tried to open it back up, but the spokes were broken. This was useless now. "Great."

Grian ran the rest of the way to the gas station. It wasn't even that far but the rain still soaked him completely through. He felt like crying, a little bit. Of course! The bad luck from opening his umbrella inside caught up to him immediately.

Grian threw open the door to the gas station. Inside it was freezing. Cub must've fixed the A/C finally, but it was so cold. He started to shiver, holding his arms against himself, his broken umbrella dripping on the flood.

"Grian?" Scar walked around the counter. "Are you alright?"

"Sorry Scar." Grian didn't even want to look at him. He had failed so badly in his mission to bring an umbrella. "I wanted to bring you an umbrella but it broke."

"Oh no." Scar cried out. "I'll get some paper towels."

Grian sighed as he watched Scar run into the back room. He felt so pathetic, honestly. Why couldn't he do anything right?

Scar ran back out, his hands stuffed with crumbled paper towels. "Here!"

Grian took them, dropping his umbrella to the floor as he attempted to dry off. Cub came out from the back room. Upon seeing Grian he said, "Scar, why don't you count out your drawer and leave now? I'll take over."

"Are you sure?" Scar looked up at him.

"Yeah. It's dead in here anyway." Cub shrugged.

Scar scurried over and got his drawer before racing to the back to count it. Cub took over the register, looking at Grian. "So. How's it going with Scar?"

"Hmm?" Grian was still trying to dry off but it was futile. "It's going great, actually. I really like having Scar around. We're even working on a project together."

"Good to hear, good to hear." Cub made a motion for Grian to come closer. Grian walked over, dripping slightly. "Scar doesn't really have a family, so I'm glad he found a home with you. He never stops talking about you."

Grian felt his face going red. "I'm. Um. I'm glad he feels at home."

Scar came back out, carrying his drawer. And an umbrella? "I clocked out. Thanks Cub."

"No problem. You have tomorrow off, right? I'll see you in a couple days." Cub took the drawer and waved as Scar walked over to Grian.

"Bye Cub! Alright mister. Let's get you home." Scar placed a hand on Grian's back. "I don't want you to get sick."

"You had an umbrella all along." Grian slapped the palm of his hand against his forehead. "I'm so dumb."

"I appreciate the thought." Scar smirked at him. "I bet you just couldn't wait to see me."

Grian felt his face going red again. "Don't get a big ego. Let's go home."

They both stepped outside. Scar opened the umbrella, holding it over both their heads. Grian had to stand very close to him in order to not get even more wet. His shoulder bumped Scar's arm with nearly every step. The rain pinged loudly off the umbrella, making it hard to speak. Still, this felt nice, walking along with Scar, both of them in their closed off world under the umbrella. It almost made him wish that the walk could be longer.

Once they got back and inside the apartment, Grian felt himself shivering again. A sneeze came on that he couldn't hold back. "Achoo!"

"Oh no." Scar looked concerned. "Are you getting sick?"

"I'm fine." Grian rubbed his nose. "I need to take a shower and get changed, okay?"

"Sure. Let me go pee real quick." Scar scampered off towards the bathroom.

Grian sneezed again as he went into his room to get his stuff for the shower. He wouldn't get sick from a little walk in the rain. He'd be fine!

After taking a shower and finally feeling warm again, Grian watched out the window as the rain slowed to a stop. Maybe there was a rainbow out there, not that he could see it. He needed to get back to work now.

Grian finished up some commissions. It felt good to get work done! He was almost at the finish line, even if he had some more drawing to do he could take a nice break tomorrow with Scar. He was really looking forward to going to the food truck fest.

He went to bed early because he was feeling tired, quickly falling into dreams.

The desert was cold at night. Grian cuddled into his bed, wrapping the blankets around himself in a vain attempt to trap in his own heat. His wings didn't like being squished down but he didn't like being cold even more.

It was still hard to sleep. Scar was still walking around, crafting things. He wasn't being loud, Grian just had a hard time sleeping without him next to him. They had pushed their beds together. It was simply to conserve heat. No other reason. The emptiness next to Grian at the moment felt way too large.

Scar eventually crawled into bed next to Grian. His skin had taken a gray tone since he turned red, but he felt just as warm as before. Grian kept his eyes closed as Scar reached across the bed and grabbed his hand.

"Grian?" Scar whispered. "Are you awake?"

Grian wasn't sure why he stayed silent. Maybe because he didn't think he could speak with Scar holding his hand without stuttering. Maybe because his own heartbeat was too loud in his ears.

"Grian. You know." Scar continued on despite the lack of response. "I've lived a lot of places, yet I never once felt like any of those places were home. Here, on Monopoly Mountain with you, this feels like home."

Scar went quiet again, rubbing his thumb over the back of Grian’s hand. "That's when I thought that maybe home isn't a place. Maybe home is a person."

Scar gently lifted Grian’s hand, pulling it closer and kissing it. "You're my home, Grian."

Grian couldn't even breathe anymore. He was certain that Scar would hear how loudly his heart was beating. Scar lowered Grian's hand back down to the bed, still holding it. "I'm glad you're asleep. That was way too embarrassing."

Grian very gently squeezed Scar's hand. He wasn't sure if Scar even felt it, but he felt he had to respond in some way. He just hoped Scar would understand. In a way, he was sure he did.

Scar was his home as well.

Chapter Text

The morning came before Grian knew it, the sun shining in through his window and directly into his eyes. He groaned as he sat up, his muscles feeling sore and his throat scratchy. Ugh. Why did morning have to come so soon? He really didn't feel like getting up but he had things he had to do. Not to mention the food truck fest. That would be fun, even if he didn't eat that much, spending time with Scar made him happy.

Scar...

Oh.

The dream.

The memory of his dream came flooding back to him. Grian grabbed his pillow and buried his face into it. How embarrassing, he dreamed of Scar holding his hand and calling him his home. Why would his brain even think something like that up? That was something that happened in a cheesy rom-com not something that happened to real people.

Grian was grateful that no one could see into his mind. He would rather die than admit to having a dream like that. Why was it always Scar in his dreams lately? Why couldn't he get him out of his head? They had barely lived together for two weeks.

Maybe it was because Grian had been alone for so long before this. His former roommate didn't spend time with him and he was hardly around. Scar was always there, they made meals together and they chatted about things that didn't even matter. It felt nice. It wasn't that strange to dream about him, right?

Grian felt another sneeze coming on. He pulled away from his pillow and sneezed into his elbow. Gross. Grian blew his nose, balling up the tissue to throw into the waste bin. He shoots, he scores! He was pretty good at that. Okay, time to get up. He felt a little woozy upon standing, but he was fine. Everything was fine!

He decided to skip breakfast though. His stomach was a little unsettled. Instead he worked on chores and then started drawing the last of his commissions. Which was Joel's art. He swore he would do it first but ended up putting it off until the end. He had a feeling he'd get scolded for not actually taking a break, but since it had been a few days he could lie and say he had actually taken a break. Grian was so smart.

He sent off the WIP to Joel and waited for him to approve it so he could finish it up. Usually Joel didn't want any changes and just went along with whatever Grian sent him. He was really easy-going like that. This was pretty simple anyway, since he wanted a particular scene. While waiting for a response, Grian laid his head down on his desk and dozed off to sleep.

"Grian!" Scar's loud voice called him back from slumber.

"Whatsit?" Grian lifted his head. He rubbed the drool away from his mouth as he turned towards the door. "Scar?"

"It's almost time to go." Scar peeked in through the door. He looked at Grian, his eyebrows lowering. "Are you alright? You look a little pale."

"I'm always pale. I think only Mumbo is paler than me." Grian vaguely wondered if Scar had met their neighbor yet. Mumbo was such a strange man, he was almost convinced he was secretly a vampire. "I'm ready to go."

"Are you wearing that?" Scar pointed at his red sweater. Scar was currently dressed in a white button down shirt with short sleeves. He had of course unbuttoned it so his chest was visible.

"Yeah?" Grian had many red sweaters. Many. He never wore anything else.

"It's over a hundred degrees out." Scar pursed his lips. "Wouldn't you be more comfortable in-"

"Scar. I can't." Grian held his arms tightly to his chest. "I really can't."

He hoped he wouldn't have to explain and that Scar would take the hint. Scar chewed on his lip for a moment. "I understand. But you better bring some water to drink."

"Okay mom." Grian laughed. He'd be fine! If he got really hot he'd take off his sweater. And then retreat to a place where there weren't a lot of people. He didn't want anyone to see him, it was much better to hide. He still wasn't pleased that Scar had seen him without his sweater when he was painting the gas station. At least he hadn't seen anything that made him question Grian's gender, so that was a small blessing.

They both headed out. It wasn't a long walk there, just a few blocks away. Scar rambled as they strolled, Grian listening but his mind felt too hazy to reply. "I was looking up what trucks are going to be there, and there is a poe-u-tiny truck! Like the French fries they serve in Canada with gravy and cheese."

Grian nodded. "Poutine."

"Yeah the poi-tin." Scar agreed as if he hadn't said two wildly different pronunciations. "There is also a truck that has lobster rolls. Where are they rolling the lobsters to?"

"Who knows?" Grian wiped his brow. His mouth felt like it had cotton in it for some reason. He had forgotten to bring a drink. "Do they have a bubble tea truck?"

"Yes they do!" Scar continued to ramble on but Grian was having a hard time concentrating on his words. They reached the parking lot to the park, trucks lined up, hundreds of people wandering around chatting loudly. That's when Grian spotted him.

"It's Jimmy." Grian pointed ahead to where the man in question was standing. Jimmy lived in his apartment building. He used to live with Scott but now he lives with Tango. The man had a complicated relationship history, to be sure.

"Ah!" Scar walked over towards him. "Timmy!".

"What?" Jimmy turned towards him, looking mildly alarmed. "Who are you?"

"I'm Grian's partner! Scar!" Scar turned towards Grian who was lagging slightly behind.

"Partner?" Grian mumbled. "Because we are making a video game together?"

"Yes!" Scar grinned.

"Grian!" Jimmy scowled at him. "Don't go telling your buddies to call me Timmy. It's Jimmy! With a J!"

"Okay Jimmy with a J." Scar replied back.

Jimmy sighed, very loudly. "Yeah. Sure." He backed up a few steps, almost like he was about to bolt.

"Where are you going? I don't bite." Grian flashed him a smile, showing off all his teeth.

"Really?" Scar asked.

"No. I lied." Grian grabbed Scar's hand and bit into it. Not enough to hurt, he wasn't that cruel.

Still Scar hooted much like an owl, waving his hand up and down. "Ho! Ho! He does bite!"

Grian let him go and laughed. "Scar bites too, you better watch out Timmy."

Jimmy shook his head. "As if I didn't have enough reasons to be scared of you. Now there's another one. Scar, did you know he painted a beach ball like a rock and then threw it at me? He called it extreme dodgeball!"

"You should've realized that rocks aren't perfectly round." Grian laughed. He suddenly felt really woozy, stumbling forward a step. He grabbed onto Scar's arm for balance.

"Are you alright?" Scar looked concerned again.

"Er. Yeah. Can we sit for a moment?" Grian pointed towards the nearby picnic table.

"Sure. Why don't you sit with Jimmy with a J and I'll get some food. You wanted bubble tea, right? What flavor?" Scar gently walked him over towards the table. Jimmy followed despite seeming like he wanted to run away just moments before.

"Watermelon please." Grian felt bad. He dragged Scar out here and now he was making him get him food. He just wanted to have fun together but his stupid body had other plans. He sat down, trying to ignore how exhausted and hot he felt.

"Would you like anything?" Scar looked towards Jimmy.

"Oh, I'll take a milk tea." Jimmy sat down across from Grian.

"Sure, sure. I'll be back!" Scar waved as he walked off.

"Ghhh." Grian groaned as he put his head down on the table.

"Are you alright mate? It's kinda hot out here." Jimmy tilted his head to look at Grian’s face.

"I'm fine." Did he really look so bad that everyone could tell that something was wrong? He was fine! Seriously! "How's Tango?"

"He's been so busy. I can hardly pull him away from his work." Jimmy sighed.

Didn't Tango make board games or something? His first one gained mild success so he was making a sequel. Grian was making his own game, he sort of wished Tango was here so they could compare making a video game to a board game. That would be an interesting topic. "We should all hang out sometime."

"Oh, definitely. That might get Tango to stop working. You can bring Scar and we can set off fireworks on the roof or something." Jimmy tapped his fingers on the table. "That might make Doc mad."

"We can get sparklers instead of fireworks. Besides, Doc doesn't own the roof. We can play up there too." That did sound fun, although he was worried what Doc might do if he made him angry. He didn't think he could handle any more tomatoes. That was a future Grian problem though. "Maybe we can invite Bdubs and Etho too."

"Alright. I'll see when Tango is free and I'll text you-" Jimmy stopped, looking across to where the food trucks were. He ducked down. "Oh no. Scott is here."

Grian had half a mind to call Scott over. It would be fun to have more people tease Jimmy, but he didn't have the strength for that at the moment. He watched as Scott and Cleo walked by, not paying the slightest bit of attention. Jimmy was huddled under the table which was frankly hilarious.

"They're gone." Grian poked his head under the table.

Jimmy breathed out. "Thank goodness." He extracted himself from under the table. "I don't think I can face him-"

"Oh hi Scott." Grian said with a bright smile, looking past Jimmy.

"Aaahh!" Jimmy ducked back under the table, banging something on the bench, crying out, "Ow!"

"I'm not Scott." Scar sat down next to Grian. "I'm Scar! Why is Timmy hiding under the table?"

"He saw his ex." Grian looked under the table. "You alright there?"

"I'm fine." Jimmy was clutching his elbow. "You're a menace, you know that?"

"I'm aware, come out and drink your tea." Grian popped back up. He felt really dizzy from the quick movement. He sat very still while Scar passed him his tea. "Thanks."

Grian stabbed his straw through the lid. It looked like Scar had found his poutine. The French fries were crispy, buried under a mountain of gravy and cheese curds. If only Grian had any appetite he would want some too. Instead he sipped on his drink, but he could hardly taste the watermelon.

"Oh no." Scar looked down at his food. "I forgot a fork."

"I'll get you one." Grian swung his legs over the bench and got to his feet. Scar had gotten the food, this was the least he could do. He tried to ignore how heavy his body felt, his uneasy footsteps, the haze in his head. He just had to get Scar a fork.

Then, without warning, he found that he couldn't keep himself upright. He couldn't stop himself from falling over either. He went crashing to the ground, everything going black.

For the briefest of moments, an image flashed into his mind. It was Scar, blood trickling from his nose, a red swollen eye, and a bright smile that just barely masked the pain he must be in. Then, a voice calling out his name in a panic.

"Grian!"

Chapter Text

A hand gently caressed his forehead, a voice speaking out, "He's burning up."

Grian's eyes blinked open. The face above was so familiar, marred by scars but the bright green eyes so kind. Looking upon his face made Grian feel a tightness in his chest. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?" The man asked.

Oh right. That was Scar, his roommate. Grian had been a little confused but now everything that happened came flooding back. He passed out while trying to get Scar a fork. "I didn't get your fork."

"You don't have to apologize for that, you silly goose. Can you sit up?" Scar placed a hand on the back of his head and helped lift him up.

Grian felt nauseous, why was everything spinning? It was like he had gotten really drunk but he hadn't had any alcohol. "I don't feel good."

"Should I call an ambulance?" Jimmy crouched down next to him, his voice low in volume but still containing a high pitched panic.

"No. Don't." Grian shuddered. He probably just overheated, he'd be okay. "I think I just need to go home and cool off."

"But you passed out!" Jimmy's voice was so loud.

"I really don't want to go to the hospital. Please." Grian cringed at the very thought. The hospital was not a fun place to go and he'd be fine. This was all his own fault. He went out in the heat in a sweater.

Jimmy looked frantic, "But-"

Scar cleared his throat. "Let's just get him home for now."

"Alright." Jimmy relented. "Can you walk?"

Grian got to his feet with the help of Jimmy and Scar. He felt so unsteady that he could hardly stand without holding onto Scar's arm. He tightly grit his teeth feeling so embarrassed and ashamed of himself. Why was he so weak? He hated this.

"I can carry you." Scar offered.

"No, no. I can't make you do that." Grian had already ruined their day out. He couldn't possibly ask for more. Besides, he couldn't handle that much close physical contact! He'd never survive.

"Ah, so you intend to sprout wings and fly home?" Scar almost sounded serious when he said that.

"I am a pesky bird." Grian replied.

"Very pesky. Stop being so stubborn." Scar handed his cane to Jimmy and bent down. "Get on my back."

"Can. Can you walk without your cane that far?" Grian didn't want to injure him!

"I'll be fine. I can walk without it for short distances. Worry about yourself." Scar grinned back at him. "I'm very strong, you know."

"I don't doubt that. I've seen your chest." Grian sighed. He wasn't really in any position to argue. He clearly couldn't walk on his own. Still he felt guilty, the emotion wrapping around his heart and squeezing painfully. What else could he do though? He wrapped his arms around Scar's neck and Scar hooked his arms under Grian's legs and lifted him up.

"You're lighter than I thought." Scar said, shifting Grian slightly.

"I'm not that light." Grian frowned but he honestly had no idea what he weighed. It's not like he had a scale or anything. It did feel strange to be so close to Scar and to be so high up. Was this what it was like to be tall?

"I'll carry your food." Jimmy offered, walking over to the picnic table.

Grian sighed. He ruined everything, even Jimmy's day. While he enjoyed teasing Jimmy, he didn’t want to prevent him from having a fun day out. Thinking made his head hurt, so he closed his eyes as Scar carried him. The gentle motion lulled him to sleep.

The next moment he was aware, he was in his bed. Someone was next to him, pushing his bangs away from his face and touching his forehead. The touch felt oddly cold. "A fever."

Grian groaned. Everything hurt. Was it because he fell down so hard? Or was he actually sick beyond the heat exhaustion? It was nice and cool in here. He was at home, right? The desert? The desert got cold at night? The desert was home? That sounded correct, his head too hazy to think any deeper. Monopoly Mountain was his home and he was here with Scar, just like he always was.

The weight shifted on the bed. Grian cracked his eyes open. Scar was leaving? "Don't leave me alone!"

"Grian?" Scar turned back towards him.

"Please don't leave me." Why did Grian feel like crying? He just couldn't stand the thought of Scar going away. He was on his red life, if he went too far away then Grian couldn't protect him.

"Okay." Scar sat back down on the bed. "I'm here."

Grian smiled, reaching out and grabbing Scar's hand. His hands had some calluses, rough in places, but still had such a kind warmth. Grian interlocked their fingers together, rubbing his thumb along the side of Scar's hand. Scar was here, everything was okay.

"Mmm. Scar." Grian felt his eyes closing, the fog in his brain making it hard to think. "Did you mean it when you said I'm your home?"

"G-grian?" Scar stuttered slightly, his grip tightening on his hand. "What, what are you-"

"I couldn't tell you then." Grian was going to tell him. With real words. It felt like such a relief. He lifted Scar's hand, kissing over the knuckles. "You're my home too."

"Oh my god." Scar whispered.

Grian smiled as he felt the world drifting away again.

Grian woke up.

At first he didn't want to even open his eyes. He vaguely remembered a dream that involved Scar. It felt even more real than his typical dreams of Scar, and those dreams felt pretty real already. He felt like he had said something really embarrassing in his dream. Good thing it was only a dream, right?

He opened his eyes. What he saw made him think that he was in fact still asleep. Scar was curled up next to him, his hand reaching towards Grian.

"Eep!" Grian rolled slightly away, nearly falling off his bed.

"Aaah!" Scar bolted upright, his eyes wide open as he twisted his head back and forth.

"Scar!" Grian turned towards him. "Why are you sleeping in my bed?"

Scar let out several long breaths. "I'm okay." He looked over at Grian, seemingly taking a moment to process his question. "You're sick."

"That hardly explains why you are in my bed!" Grian felt his panicked heart starting to settle down. He couldn't believe that he'd been sleeping right next to Scar. He felt like he was going to explode. Scar didn't offer further clarity, so he continued. "Err, well. Thank you. For taking care of me. I appreciate it." Grian looked away from him.

"No problem." Scar got up from the opposite side of the bed. "Are you hungry?"

"Not really." He couldn't say he had much of an appetite, but he also couldn't remember the last time he ate either. What time was it even?

"You need to eat though." Scar started towards the door. "I'll make you chicken soup!"

"Sure." Grian needed to get his strength up. He really was sick, wasn't he? He couldn't really deny it. He felt gross and everything hurt.

While Scar was out of the room, Grian got up and changed his clothes. He wanted a shower but he had zero energy. He collapsed back into bed, looking at his phone. It was nearly ten at night. There goes his sleeping schedule again. There were also messages from Joel and Jimmy. And Pearl. He ignored that last one. Joel had approved his WIP. He needed to finish that drawing. He had taken over two weeks already. Maybe after he ate he could work.

And then there was Jimmy.

Jimmy: I hope you are feeling better mate
Jimmy: You gave us quite the scare
Grian: sorry
Grian: im okay now
Jimmy: Good to hear. You should rest up!
Jimmy: Next Friday Tango is free to hang out, if you are feeling better.
Jimmy: I texted Etho and Bdubs and that works for them too
Grian: i will ask Scar if he's free but that should be good
Jimmy: Awesome. I'll buy the sparklers!
Grian: lol i'll bring the beer

As he was typing, Scar walked back into the room with a bowl. "Chicken soup! I also brought some Tylenol!"

"Thanks." Grian placed his phone down. He took the bowl from Scar. "Are you free next Friday? Do you want to hang out with Timmy and some of my other friends? We want to light some sparklers on the roof."

"I will. On one condition." Scar sat back down on the edge of Grian’s bed. "You have to wear clothing appropriate for the weather."

"Scar." Grian looked down at his soup, seeing the noodles and pieces of carrots under the broth. "I only passed out because I was sick."

"No excuses!" Scar folded his arms across his chest. He continued on much more quietly. "I don't like that you're doing this to yourself."

"Doing what?" Grian blew on a spoonful of soup, trying to cool it.

"Hurting yourself." Scar frowned.

Grian placed his spoon back into the bowl. "What are you talking about? I'm not hurting myself."

"But you are!" Scar's eyes went wide. "You wore a sweater when it was way too hot and you went out when you were sick and you work all the time and you hardly eat and-"

"Okay, okay. Hold on." Grian sighed. "I'm not doing that stuff to hurt myself. I didn't even realize I was sick. And I have to work a lot. I don't have enough money."

"I can help you with money-"

"No Scar." Grian looked him dead in the eyes. "You're my roommate. You shouldn't have to help me with money. I mean that's hardly fair. I'll pay my half, don't worry."

"Okay." Scar was very quiet.

"You are really nice Scar. Too nice. I don't know why you are being so nice to me when you hardly know me." Grian attempted again to eat some soup. He could hardly taste it since his nose was stuffy.

"I don't know." Scar's shoulders slumped. "I feel like I want to protect you."

"I can take care of myself-"

"Okay. But isn't it good to have someone else to rely on?" Scar glanced over at him.

"I guess. But that's not really what normal roommates do." Grian sighed. Taurtis never did things like this. He was hardly around. They lived in the same apartment but that's all that connected them.

"We don't have to be normal roommates. We can be us." Scar smiled ever so slightly. "I don't think I can be normal anyway. So, getting back on topic, will you wear something more appropriate when we go hang out with your friends?"

Grian groaned. "I can't Scar. I mean, I seriously hate my body. I can hardly stand to look at it when I take a shower. Wearing anything else makes me feel so awful I can't even think straight."

"Grian." Scar looked at him with wide, wet eyes. "I like your body."

"What?" Grian laughed at the absurdity of that statement. "What are you-"

"Your body contains you! That makes it wonderful." Scar grinned.

"That's so corny." Grian smiled at him, trying not to laugh anymore since it hurt to do so.

"I'm full of corn!" Scar said, which really didn't make sense but he continued on anyway. "What would make you feel more comfortable in your body?"

"Oh. Well. I need top surgery." Grian pointed at his chest. "It's so expensive. I don't have health insurance since my dad kicked me off his."

"That's not good. You need health insurance! What if you get sick?" Scar paused, looking Grian up and down slowly. "You are sick!"

"I'm aware." Grian ate another spoonful of soup.

Scar squinted his eyes and placed a finger against his lips. He was quiet for a very long moment before speaking again. "Grian, what if we used the money we make from the video game to help pay for your surgery?"

"No, no. We can't do that." Grian shook his head. "It's your game Scar, I'm just helping you."

"I couldn't even make the game without you." Scar looked a little sheepish. "I don't care about the money, I just want to make the game. You are making my dreams come true. Let me help you."

"Err." Grian wanted to reject him. He always rejected help. He didn't feel like he deserved it. But somehow he felt like he should accept this. Maybe he could live a life where he didn't hate himself constantly. As he thought about that, tears came to his eyes. Wouldn't that be wonderful? Having a body he didn't hate? "I just. I don't. I don't want to say no."

"Then say yes." Scar patted his shoulder. "Besides there's no guarantee we'll even make any money."

"Okay." Grian rubbed his eyes, placing the bowl down on the table next to him. He reached towards Scar, hesitating slightly before finally wrapping his arms around him in a hug. "Thank you. Thank you. You are the best."

Scar hugged him back, his arms tightly around Grian. Grian didn't want it to ever end, this hug was so warm and comforting. Why was touching Scar so fulfilling when anyone else touching him made him want to scream? It didn't matter. He was happy.

Eventually, after hugging for what was probably an inappropriate amount of time, Grian let Scar go. He fell back onto his pillow. He was so exhausted all of a sudden. He hadn't even finished his soup. He still needed to work. His eyes wouldn't stay open though. "Scar, I'm going to nap now, okay?"

"Sure thing. Do you need me to stay?"

"What? No. I'm okay." Grian snuggled into his pillow. Scar started to move, but Grian reached out and grabbed the fabric of his shirt. "But I mean. If you want to stay and tell me more about your video game, I won't say no."

Scar chuckled and moved so he was sitting up against the headboard. "Okay. Have I told you about the enchanting table? It's quite hard to craft since it needs obsidian, but it also needs sugar cane and leather. You see, sugar cane makes paper which in turn makes books, and-"

Grian drifted off to sleep, listening to what he had to say.

Chapter Text

"Grian." Scar's sing-song voice came from outside his bedroom door.

"Oh no." Grian slowly turned towards the door, placing his tablet pen down on his desk. "Uh. Don't come in. I'm completely naked."

Scar opened the door anyway. He gasped loudly when he saw Grian sitting in front of his laptop. "Why aren't you resting mister?!"

"Pervert." Grian pointed at him. "I told you I was naked."

"I knew you were lying." Scar shrugged. "You're working, aren't you?!"

"I'm fine now. I don't have a fever anymore, I don't need to stay in bed." Grian was bored! He couldn't lie around doing nothing. Besides, a dark guilt was clouding his mind every second he wasn't working on finishing Joel's art. He was so lazy, so useless…

"You'll get sick again!" Scar marched over towards his desk. "Why are you so stubborn?"

Grian bared his teeth at him. "I'll bite you again! I'm not going to bed!"

"You wouldn't dare!" Scar scoffed

"I would!" Grian jumped up, totally prepared to bite Scar. He would've too, except he lost his balance and went careening into Scar instead. His face hit Scar's chest, making Scar lose his own balance. They both went tumbling to the ground with a loud thud.

"Ugh." Grian pushed himself up onto his arms, straddling Scar's body. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah." Scar's green eyes looked up at him. Grian went to move but found himself tipping over. Scar placed his hands on Grian's hips to steady him. "Are you alright? Are you going to pass out again?"

"I'm okay." Grian looked down at him, brushing Scar's bangs to the side. He always knew Scar was handsome, but seeing him like this, right underneath him, hmm. It was making Grian sweat. He wanted to touch Scar more. He gently caressed Scar's cheek, cupping his jaw as he looked deep into his eyes. Scar looked back, his lips slightly parted, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed…

CRACK

A loud noise made Grian jump up. At the same moment his room went entirely dark. A loud scream echoed around the room as Grian fell over backwards onto his butt.

Grian put his hands up to his face. What had he been doing? Why had he touched Scar like that? No, this wasn't the time for internal screaming. There were more pressing issues. "Did you hear someone scream?"

"Maybe? The power went out?" Scar sat up, rubbing at his neck.

"I think so?" Grian stood up. He definitely heard something when everything went dark. The only lights in the room at the moment were from the window and his laptop. Without the air on it was already starting to feel hot.

"Help me!" A muffled voice beyond the wall?

"I think that's Mumbo?" Grian headed over towards the wall. "Mumbo?"

"Help!" Mumbo yelled.

"I think we better go help him." Grian started towards the door. Whatever trouble Mumbo might be in would distract him from what just happened between him and Scar that he totally did not want to unpack at the moment.

They both headed over to the next apartment. Grian tried the door handle and found it locked.

"I'll break in!" Scar took a few steps back like he was going to ram the door with his shoulder.

"Hold up." Grian put a hand up to stop him. "I bet he has a spare key somewhere."

Grian lifted up Mumbo's doormat and found a key lying underneath. He really shouldn't do that, anyone could just break into his apartment! He should at least get a lockbox or something. Now wasn't the time though, Mumbo needed their help. Grian stuck the key into the lock and opened the door.

"Mumbo?" Grian called into the dark apartment. Mumbo had dark curtains that blocked out all the light. (Vampire behavior.) It was pitch black with no electricity, so Grian pulled out his phone to light up the room. "Mumbo?"

"In here." Mumbo's panicked voice came from the backroom. Grian walked over, Scar close behind. He gently opened the door, revealing the exact nature of Mumbo's problem.

Mumbo was stuck under his desk, the wires and cables from his computer wrapped around his body. "Uh. Mumbo. What's this?"

Mumbo nervously cleared his throat. "I was trying to organize the cables, and, uh…"

"Astonishing! I've never seen someone so into computers before!" Scar clapped his hands together.

"Oh. Is this a kink?" Grian wondered out loud.

"No!" Mumbo's eyes turned watery. "When the power went out I got so startled I got tangled up."

"Right." Grian laughed. "We'll untangle you."

Scar bent down next to Mumbo. "Nice to meet you Mr Jumbo! I'm Scar, I'm Grian's partner."

Grian sighed as he bent down as well, placing his phone to the side for light. "We are roommates."

"Oh? What happened to that other fellow? Taurtis?" Mumbo asked.

"He's gone. Left me high and dry." Grian unplugged some USB cable and started to unwind it from Mumbo's body. "I was so broke. Scar saved me by moving in."

"Nah. Grian helped me out by giving me a place to live." Scar grinned. Somehow it seemed like he was also becoming tangled? Grian took the cable away from him.

"Careful. I guess we helped each other. Now if only I could figure out a better way to make money." Grian didn't even want to think about getting a real job.

"Why don't you make videos?" Mumbo suggested as Grian freed one of his arms.

"Videos? Like your short movies?" Grian had watched a couple of his movies, they were pretty good.

"Yes! You could make them about your art?" Mumbo looked a bit relieved as his other arm was untangled.

"I dunno." That sounded like an awful amount of work. "Although, maybe I can livestream?"

"Oh! That sounds fun!" Scar seemed to be getting tangled again. Grian pulled the cables away from him.

"Yeah. I need to work on the painted backgrounds, I can stream me painting them. Er, we are making a video game together." Grian explained to Mumbo.

"That sounds like fun. Let me know if you need any references! I have many pictures from my travels." Mumbo wiggled his way out from the cables. "I'm free!"

"We did it!" Scar threw his hands into the air. Hands that were currently tangled up. How did he manage that?

"Hold still Scar." Grian felt his heart thumping as he took Scar's hands in his, unwrapping the wires. "Er, what did you say about travels, Mumbo? You travel?"

"I do. I go biking." Mumbo flexed his arms.

"That doesn't sound like something a vampire would do?" Grian freed Scar from the wires. "Don't touch anything else!"

"I'm not a vampire!" Mumbo sounded insulted. "In any case, if you are going to livestream, you'll need a camera! I can let you have one of mine as thanks for helping me."

Mumbo nearly tripped going over to his closet, but managed to get over there. He opened it up and took out a small camera. He handed it to Grian. "Here you go."

"Thanks." Grian took it with a smile. "So if I took a picture of you, it would show up, right?"

"What? Of course it would-"

"Because vampires don't show up on film!"

"Get out of my apartment." Mumbo started to push him out, even though he was laughing.

"Okay, okay. Don't get tangled again." Grian grinned as he grabbed his phone and left, Scar not far behind.

Scar walked back towards their apartment. "Can you make money from livestreams?"

"Sure. I can set it up so I can take donations. If I get partnered by Twitch I can make money that way too, I think. That takes time so donations might be the way to go for now. I have a following on Twitter so I don't think it'll be too hard to get viewers." This was exciting! Grian had to do some research into exactly how it all worked, but doing painting and getting paid for it felt almost too good to be true. He hoped it worked out.

Once they got back inside, Grian felt the heat. Right, the power went out. A transformer probably blew due to the heat. He looked it up on his phone and the electric company said the outage wouldn't be fixed for a couple hours. "Oh no." Grian melted onto the couch.

"What's wrong?" Scar crouched down next to him. Grian showed him his phone. "That's not good. We better eat all the ice cream!"

"Don't open the freezer for long. You'll let the cold out." Grian sat up. His phone battery was still good and his laptop should be fine, but would his body last in this heat?

"I know!" Scar pulled out a couple of bowls, opening the freezer for the briefest of seconds. He served the ice cream and brought a bowl over for Grian. Grian took it, pressing the bowl against his forehead. So cold.

"Since we don't have anything else to do, why don't we talk about the game." Grian took a small bite of the ice cream, letting it melt in his mouth. Heavenly!

"Yes! Let me get my outline!" Scar placed his bowl down on the table and hurried away. He returned in no time. "Look, I have it nearly complete."

"Nice. I see you put in way more TNT traps." Grian laughed. He looked towards the end. "So you don't know what should happen when it's just the main character, Grian, and Bubbles left? Isn't the Grian character still on yellow at that point?"

"Yes. Well." Scar wrung his hands together. "I was thinking Grian and Bubbles should both go after a no-kill pass."

"Oh. But would the Main Character be able to kill Grian after what he's done for him? That seems like a terrible betrayal." Grian crossed his arms against his chest.

"Err. That's the part I'm having a problem with." Scar chuckled. "It feels wrong, but I don't know how else to continue the story."

"I'm sure you'll figure it out. The story is really engaging so far. A little betrayal at the end might spice things up." Grian looked up the chart a bit. "Oh, I like this part where the Main Character and Grian set up a trap that fails only for it to explode when Sizzle, King Ben, and Timmy try to disarm it."

"I thought you might like that." Scar smiles. "I think a bad end might be where Grian blows himself up with TNT."

"Hey! I wouldn't do that!" Grian frowned.

"No. Of course not." Scar patted him on the shoulder. "This is a game though, right?"

Scar gave him a look. Grian wasn't sure what exactly he was trying to convey, but it felt loaded. "Er. Right. Just a game."

The room felt way too hot. Grian didn't like this discussion for some reason. He almost wished he could run away.

"Are you alright?" Scar tilted his head.

"It's hot." Grian groaned, wiping sweat from his forehead.

"Why don't you take off your sweater? You have one of those folders on, don't you?" Scar asked.

"What? Folder?" Grian squinted at him.

"Yeah. A folder. To make your chest flat." Scar tapped his own chest.

"A binder?" Grian laughed. "Oh my god, Scar…"

"Is that what it's called?" Scar laughed. "Some sort of school supplies!"

"Yeah okay. I'm wearing a folder but I still don't feel comfortable." Grian frowned. He hated always feeling this way. He wished he could get rid of his breasts already.

"It's okay, Grian." Scar puffed out his chest. "I think I'm bigger than you."

"Oh my god." Grian laughed again. "You probably are."

"Then you have nothing to be ashamed of! If I can have a big chest, so can you! Doesn't make either one of us less of a man."

"I suppose so." Grian gripped the bottom of his sweater. He took a deep breath and started to pull it up. No, he couldn't do it! He looked over at Scar who just gave him a thumbs up. Maybe he could do this? Scar wouldn't judge him. Grian took another deep breath before pulling the sweater off. He looked down at himself, at the plain white tank top he was wearing. Yeah, it wasn't so bad. Scar was definitely bigger, that made him feel better. He was always admiring Scar's chest anyway.

"You look great." Scar held his hand up for a high-five. Grian smacked his hand, feeling a bit more confident. "Anyway, back to the game, I think…"

They continued discussing until the power finally came back on. That night, Grian dreamed of setting that TNT trap. It failed but still exploded when Skizzle, Ren, and Jimmy tried to disarm it. Grian laughed in his dreams but awoke with a bad feeling in his stomach. He only had that dream because of what he discussed with Scar, right? But actually that gave him an idea. He should set up a prank to pull on everyone when they meet up this Friday. Grian grinned as he rolled out of bed and started to plan.

Chapter Text

Smallishbeans: Thank you for my commission!
Smallishbeans: Somehow you drew Kakashi and Shrek far more sensually than I could've ever imagined.
Smallishbeans: I'm making this the background on my computer it'll drive Lizzie nuts!
Grian: im glad you are happy
Smallishbeans: I couldn't be happier
Smallishbeans: Are you opening commissions again soon?
Grian: no, im working on a project with Scar
Grian: ill post on twitter about it soon
Smallishbeans: That's exciting!
Smallishbeans: Are you taking a break though?
Smallishbeans: I heard from Lizzie that you got sick.
Grian: a little break I guess
Grian: im not sick anymore
Grian: why is Scar always texting Lizzie?
Grian: is he trying to join your marriage?
Smallishbeans: I'm pretty sure the only one Scar wants to marry is you.
Grian: yeah for tax fraud

Grian closed Twitter and opened up his drawing app, watching Scar drink his coffee before he headed out to work. It was so early that the sun had hardly risen, normal people were not awake (besides Joel), even Jellie was sleeping on Grian's lap, purring away. Grian and Scar were both at the table, neither one speaking. There was something comforting in the silence. Grian smiled to himself as he started to block in the colors on his sketch. Hmm, it would look good if he used shades of green, yellow, and red for the lighting…

"Are you drawing me again?" Scar leaned on one hand, batting his eyelashes at Grian.

"Er." He got caught again.

"You can take a picture. Then you can look at me all you want." Scar slyly grinned.

"Oh. But that's not the same as looking at you for real. I need to look at you." Grian put his phone down on the table. Why was Scar looking red? Was it too hot? "Should I turn up the A/C?"

"No. I'm fine." Scar rubbed his cheeks. "You should tell me if you want me to model for you."

"I don't want to be a bother when you are enjoying a bit of free time before work. Besides, I like how your face looks when you don't think anyone is watching you. Relaxed, carefree, you are quite handsome you know."

"Oh." Scar's face turned even more scarlet. "That's um, very nice."

Was he blushing? Over a little compliment? That was cute! "You're welcome! I was thinking of making a poster to announce the game and the livestream. Since you look like the main character I was sketching you." Grian showed him his phone.

"Wow! Looks great!" Scar smiled.

"Thanks. Do you think you could help mod my chat? I might be too busy painting. I don't think it'll get too rowdy but you never know." Grian had seen some unhinged chats before but most of the people following his Twitter were respectful.

"Of course! When were you planning the livestream?" Scar asked, sipping his coffee.

"Are you free on Monday afternoon? That might be a good time."

"Oh sure. I work in the morning but I'll be free. I'm looking forward to seeing you paint." Scar smiled at him before standing up. "As much as I hate to cut our conversation short, I do have to go to work now."

"Okay. Have a good day at work." Grian gathered the sleepy cat in his arms and stood up to see Scar off. "Jellie says have a good day too."

"Is that so?" Scar bent down and kissed the top of Jellie's head. "Have a good day Jellie! You too, Grian." He ruffled Grian's hair.

For the briefest of moments Grian wished that Scar kissed the top of his head too. What has been wrong with his mind lately? He had such weird thoughts. He sat back down on the couch, Jellie still on his lap, and continued to draw. He wanted to make this the best poster ever! He wanted to get everyone hyped to play the game!

@Grian: I'm happy to announce that I'm currently working on a new project! I'm making a visual novel called Third Life with my friend Scar. Tune in this Monday at 4pm EST for a special painting livestream and more information!

Grian posted his tweet, holding his breath. He wasn't sure how people would react to this. He hoped the artwork would entice people to the stream. He had gone pretty hard on it. The coloring had been way more fun than he thought it would be, especially since he used a mainly gray scale color scheme except for the red, yellow, and green. He had drawn Scar, one hand swiping blood away from his face, a dark expression in his eyes. His wonderful green eyes. Grian had probably spent the most amount of time rendering his eyes.

It only took a few minutes for people to reply to his tweet. Some showed excitement, some calling the guy in the poster hot, some asking about the plot of the game. Then there were some saying they couldn't wait to see him. Grian chuckled, sweating slightly, his heart suddenly racing. There was no reason to be nervous though. Besides being on camera in front of who knows how many people, all judging him. Would people say mean things about his appearance? Ahaha. Suddenly Grian wanted to bury himself in a hole.

Grian had been trying to wear his sweater less. It wasn't easy. Tonight he was supposed to meet up with everyone on the roof. The thought of being seen was making his stomach roll. He should wear a sweater. No two sweaters. Actually he was going to hide in his closet.

"Grian?" Scar knocked on the open door after some time had passed. "Why are you crouched down in your closet?"

"I feel sick, I can't leave the house." Grian pulled the door almost all the way shut.

"What's wrong?" Scar approached the closet.

"I don't want people to see me." Grian shuddered.

"Huh? Why not?" Scar peeked in the door. "I thought you were excited to see your friends?"

"I can't." Grian covered his face. Why couldn't he just get over this awful feeling? It felt like it was paralyzing him, telling him that he could never leave the house or let anyone see him. "It's not fair, Scar. Give me your gender."

"Oh Grian." Scar sounded sympathetic. "I can't give you my gender but I have an idea!"

Grian wasn't going anywhere so he waited. Scar eventually returned holding one of his shirts. "Here! Wear my shirt. That's like 50% of my gender."

"Oh. Um. I can try." Grian stood up, walking out of his closet. He took the shirt which was clearly too big for him and started to button it up over his tank top. Scar turned slightly away until Grian was done.

Well it was too big and went down halfway to his knees, but it also hid any curves he had. He twisted around, trying to see how it looked from behind. "Huh. This is good."

"Wow." Scar turned towards him, his eyes wide, his mouth slightly agape. "You look stunning."

"Oh come off it. It's just a shirt." Grian felt his face going red. Scar was looking at him so intently, almost with some sort of hunger in his eyes.

"No, I mean it." Scar moved in closer, placing his hands on Grian's waist as he looked down at him. "You are so handsome."

"Thanks." Grian felt like his brain was short-circuiting. Why was Scar touching him like that? He liked it a lot. He didn't want it to stop. He placed his hands on top of Scar's arms, rubbing gently up and down, hoping that Scar wouldn't pull away. He looked up, deeply into Scar's eyes. He had such beautiful eyes. Scar started to lean in closer…

"Ah!" Grian took a step back, his head whirling. What. What was that? Oh goodness. He placed a hand over his mouth as he looked at the ground. Surely Scar hadn't been leaning in for a kiss, right? That's ridiculous. "Okay let's go meet up with everyone." Grian charged past Scar. "Can you bring the cooler up? I need to carry the box."

"The, huh? The box?" Scar turned towards Grian, looking utterly confused.

Grian picked up the box he had prepared ahead of time. "The box."

"What's in the box?" Scar squinted his eyes as he looked at it.

"Nothing." Grian shrugged. "Let's go."

"Okay." Scar pressed a hand to his chest, taking a deep breath. "Okay, I'm ready."

They both left, Grian feeling his heart still racing. Would Scar really have kissed him? Did… did Grian want him to kiss him? No, no, that was silly. Wait. Did Scar like men? It seemed like that but he shouldn't assume. "Erm sorry if this is too much to ask, and you don't have to answer." Grian opened the door to the staircase. "But are you gay?"

Scar laughed a little nervously as he held his cane in one hand, the cooler in the other. He was pretty strong if he could hold it in one hand. "I am gay."

"Oh." So it wasn't impossible then. Scar might be interested in him. Maybe? No, probably not. He just liked to joke around and he was always touching Grian, what happened earlier didn’t have to mean anything. "I mean I'm gay too, if it wasn't obvious."

"Yes, I assumed," Scar paused as Grian went to open the door to the roof. "Do you like-"

Whatever he was about to say was cut off by a loud "Grian!" Bdubs wasn't far from the doorway, wearing a green shirt and a huge smile. "I haven't seen you in forever!"

"Bdubs!" Grian grinned back. It was nice to see him and Etho. Etho was sitting on a chair, a black face mask obscuring his mouth. Next to him were Tango and Jimmy. Tango typically had his blonde hair tipped red, but it looked like he was going for a blue theme instead.

"Hey man. Who's this?" Bdubs pointed behind Grian.

"I'm Scar." Scar moved to place the cooler down near the group.

"Oh! Grian, did you get a boyfriend?" Bdubs's eyes sparkled with delight.

"No, we aren't dating." Grian replied. "Just roommates."

"Etho and I aren't dating either." Bdubs said, rather gravely.

"Oh no! What happened!" They had been dating for years! Way longer than Grian had lived in the building. That was upsetting if they broke up.

Etho rolled his eyes as he reached into the cooler and pulled out a beer. "Bdubs has a strange way of saying that we are engaged now."

"Bdubs!" Grian laughed. "Congratulations!"

"Thanks." Bdubs pulled a golden pocket watch out. "Etho proposed with this."

"That's great." Scar grinned at him, patting him on the arm. "I have to say your shoes are really nice."

"Thanks?" Bdubs looked down at his feet. "I bought them from Walmart!"

"Give me your shoes." Scar grinned even wider.

"Scar! Don't!" Grian elbowed him.

"Sorry! I mean congratulations on your engagement." Scar sat down next to Jimmy. "You have nice shoes too."

"Scar." Grian sighed as he placed down the box next to the cooler.

"Sorry, sorry. It won't happen again." Scar pulled a beer out from the cooler.

"What's. What's in the box?" Tango eyed the box warily.

"Nothing?" Grian took a beer and opened it.

"What?" Jimmy leaned in closer. "Why does it say, 'do not open?'"

"I dunno. It's a mystery." Grian leaned back, taking a long sip of his beer.

"It's probably another one of his pranks." Etho said. Somehow he had drunk some of his beer without pulling his mask down.

"But now I'm curious." Jimmy started to lean towards the box. Grian grinned with glee.

"No." Tango grabbed Jimmy's arm. "Don't do it, it's definitely a prank."

"Aww." Jimmy frowned as he leaned back. "Okay. Let's light some sparklers then."

Grian laughed under his breath. "Alright! Let's have some fun!"

Grian took some of the sparklers from Jimmy and handed a few off to Scar. Tango had a lighter and lit the sparklers for them. Grian didn't want to admit that even seeing a trace of fire made his stomach drop. He just couldn't forget what his father had done. It didn't matter. He drank more beer and ran across the roof, waving the sparklers in the air. He didn't care about anything! He just wanted to be happy!

"Look Scar! I can make a heart!" Grian waved the sparklers in a heart motion.

"Oh? I can make one too!" Scar waved his in a much more clumsy fashion. It was cute though.

Tango had stuck a sparkler into his hair until Jimmy screamed and took it out. Etho was teasing Bdubs about being short, making Bdubs stand on a chair and hold his sparklers up into the sky. It was such stupid fun seeing a bunch of grown adult men playing with sparklers.

Tango grinned at the group as the sun sank further into the sky and everyone started to wind down. "Hey guys. I have an idea for a little game."

"Are we going to play decked out?" Scar clapped his hands together, nearly dropping his cane.

"What? No. We're not gonna play my board game." Tango shook his head. "Let's spice things up a bit. Let's play truth or dare."

Chapter Text

"Truth or dare?" Grian wanted to play! Think of all the things he could get everyone to do! He was bubbling with excitement already. "Hell yeah!"

"Glad to see you are on board." Tango chuckled. "I propose some additional rules on top of the normal rules. No dare backs, for one. And if you refuse a dare or answer a question with a lie you have to take a shot. Once you drink too much you are out."

"So, you are saying that there is a winner to this game?" Grian tented his fingers. He was going to win. He refused to lose.

"Sure Grian." Tango pulled out a bottle of vodka. Oh. Vodka? Grian was a bit of a lightweight and he had already been drinking beer. This didn't bode well for him. "I was more thinking that this was a good way to get to know our new neighbor, but it can also be a competition."

"You want to get to know me?" Scar's mouth fell open, his eyes disbelieving.

"Of course." Tango grinned at him.

"Oh." Why did Scar sound so surprised?

A slight sinking feeling hit Grian's chest. He really didn't know Scar all that well, did he? Scar never spoke about his past. Grian felt like he had failed Scar, he had known Scar for weeks already but knew so little about him.

"Alright! I'll start us off." Tango pointed towards Scar. "Truth or dare."

"Oh!" Scar looked completely thrown off his game. "Truth?"

"Okay." Tango's eyes glinted with a mischievous light. "I'm not going to go easy on you. Scar, how many people have you kissed?"

Grian's eyes went wide. He never really considered that Scar had dated and kissed others before. Scar was counting on his fingers. Wait? That many? "I'd say four people. That includes the time that someone kissed me but I didn't actually kiss him back."

"Nice." Tango gave him a thumbs up. "Your turn."

"Okay! Bdubs! Truth or dare?" Scar turned towards the man.

"Um. Dare! Yeah!" Bdubs was looking a little tired. He usually went to bed as soon as the sun went down, this must be hard on him.

"Give me your shoes." Scar leaned forward, motioning towards his shoes.

"No! Give me a shot, Tango." Bdubs furrowed his brow.

"Bdubs!" Etho leaned on his shoulder, batting his eyes at him. "Are you really going to take a shot over such an easy dare?"

"But, but my shoes?" Bdubs looked conflicted.

"I thought you were braver than this!" Etho gasped.

"I'm brave! I don't back down from any challenge!" Bdubs pulled off his shoes and handed them to Scar.

"Nice." Scar placed the shoes to the side.

"Now it's my turn." Bdubs rubbed his hands together. "Etho, my beloved, truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"Take off your mask. Let me see your beautiful face." Bdubs cast his large eyes upon him.

Grian leaned forward. He had never seen Etho's face before, this was a treat.

"Nope." Etho shook his head. "Give me a shot, Tango."

"What? Are you going to back down so easily?!" Bdubs yelled.

"Yes." Etho looked towards Tango. "The shot."

"Alright." Tango poured him a shot and handed it over.

"Aha!" Bdubs stood up, pointing at Etho. "I've caught you in my trap! You can't drink that without taking off your mask!"

"Oh?" Etho pulled a straw from his pocket and slipped it under his mask. He drank the shot down and handed the cup back to Tango.

"Uh. Buh. Um." Bdubs flapped his mouth open and closed. He finally fell back into his chair and crossed his arms "Why!"

"Because it's funny." Etho looked around the group. "Okay Jimmy, truth or dare."

"Dare." Jimmy said with the utmost confidence.

"Give me your shoes." Etho said quite plainly.

"What? I'm!" Jimmy looked at Tango for a moment, gulping. Tango shrugged at him. "Fine!" He took off his shoes rather angrily and passed them over.

"Here you go honey." Etho gave the shoes to Bdubs.

"Thank you!" Bdubs happily pulled the shoes on.

"Ugh." Jimmy sighed. "Whatever. Tango, truth or dare?"

"Hmm." Tango rubbed his chin. "I pick truth."

Jimmy pushed his index fingers together. "How many people have you kissed?"

"You could've just asked me." Tango laughed. "Including you, I've kissed three people."

Jimmy looked happy with that answer. "I've kissed two people."

"Idiot. I didn't even ask you." Tango ruffled his hair. "Okay. Grian, your turn. Truth or dare."

"Dare!" Like Grian would pick anything else.

"I dare you to kiss Scar." Tango smiled so widely it nearly took up his entire face.

"Huh?!" Grian felt his breath catch in his throat. Kiss? Kiss Scar? Kiss???

"I. I, um." Grian turned towards Scar, looking at his lips. Soft lips, probably perfect for kissing. He couldn't help but to think of what happened earlier today, Scar leaning in towards him, his hands on his waist, the warmth of his touch. "Oh no. I can't kiss Scar without his permission. That would be rude."

Tango pressed a hand to Grian's back. "Then ask his permission!"

"Scar. Um." Grian couldn't look him in the eyes. He'd be Scar's fifth kiss, right? Could he compare to the other four? Kissing Scar. Oh no. Grian whipped around and looked at Tango. "Just give me the shot."

"Boo!" Etho called out. "Kiss him! Don't be a coward."

"Kiss him!" Bdubs echoed.

Grian laughed nervously as turned towards him. "Scar. Um. May I kiss you?"

"You have my permission." Scar held out his arms. "Give me all the kisses you want!"

He was joking around like usual. It would be fine! Just fine. Grian turned back towards Tango. "I'll kiss him but give me a shot anyway."

"Okay, okay." Tango poured a shot for him. Grian downed it quickly, the taste so strong as it burned his throat all the way down. Gross. Grian stuck out his tongue as he turned towards Scar.

He could do this. It was just a kiss. He took in a deep breath and stood up, standing in front of Scar. He used his hand to hold up Scar's bangs, looking into his eyes. "Hi." Grian gave him a crooked smile.

"Hi." Scar said fondly, a faint smile on his lips.

Grian leaned down and gently pressed a kiss to Scar's forehead. He pulled back after a moment. "There. I kissed him."

"I guess that counts." Tango shrugged.

"I took a shot either way." Grian sat back down, his heart racing in his chest like a wild stallion. He really did that. He seriously kissed Scar's forehead. Why did such a simple gesture make Grian so happy? He couldn't stop smiling. He looked over at Scar, who was looking upwards, a hand on his forehead. "Scar, truth or dare?"

"Huh?" Scar turned towards him, looking bewildered. "Oh right! The game. I pick dare."

What could Grian have Scar do? Why was the only thing he could think of was a kiss back? No, no, that was silly. He had a much better idea. "Take off your shirt."

"Oh my." Scar gave him the smuggest smile. "Usually you tell me to put more clothes on, now you are trying to undress me."

"That's because you always walk around without pants on!" Grian probably shouldn't have said that out loud? He heard Bdubs gasp. "Just take off your shirt."

"I know how much you like looking at my chest." Scar winked at him as he stood up. He slowly started to unbutton his shirt, licking his lips as he locked eyes with Grian. "Do you like what you see?"

Grian felt himself turning red. Why had he asked Scar to do such a thing? This was all just turning out to be embarrassing to him!

Scar scooted the shirt down his shoulders, giving a little wiggle as it slid down. His full chest on display, Scar reached down for Grian's hand. "Do you want to touch my chest again?"

"Aaaaahhh!" Grian pulled his hand back, covering his face. "Oh God. Tango, give me another shot."

"You didn't-"

"A shot!" Grian yelled.

"Alright." Tango chuckled. He handed one over that Grian quickly downed. Why had he agreed to this game?

"Okay. Tango." Scar sat back in his chair, throwing his arms over the back, his chest puffed out. Grian could hardly take his eyes off it. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare." Tango narrowed his eyes at Scar. "Give me your worst."

"Open the box." Scar indicated the box that Grian had placed down earlier. The very mysterious box that Grian had printed the words "Do Not Open." on.

"What, are you in cahoots with Grian?" Tango clicked his tongue. "I refuse. I'm not getting pranked. Not like that time Grian threw water balloons at me from the roof."

Grian laughed as he remembered. That had been hilarious! Tango had been so confused as water balloons rained down on him. He made so many great Tango noises as he hopped from spot to spot. Eventually he looked up and saw Grian, but it had been really funny up until then.

"Okay, but you have to take a shot." Scar said, leaning back further, spreading his legs apart. Grian glanced for a moment towards his crotch. No! What was he doing? He looked at the ground very pointedly.

Tango took the shot, hissing as the vodka slipped down his throat. "Jimmy. Truth or dare."

"I'm scared to pick dare now. So truth." Jimmy wiped his forehead.

Tango leaned in close to Jimmy's face. "Who's a better kisser, me or Scott?"

Jimmy's eyes went wide. "Tango!"

"Answer me." Tango placed a hand on the side of Jimmy's face. "I can always do better. I can make your world spin."

"Oh yeah?" Jimmy pressed their lips together. Grian looked away, feeling his face going red. "I think you are the better kisser."

"Aww." Bdubs said in the background.

Jimmy smiled as he sat back in his seat. "My turn! Bdubs! Truth or dare."

"I'm not a coward! Dare!" Bdubs squawked.

"Okay. Give me my shoes back!" Jimmy pointed at his feet.

"No. Tango, give me a shot." Bdubs crossed his arms.

"My shoes." Jimmy whimpered.

"You win some, you lose some buddy." Tango patted Jimmy's back before he poured a shot for Bdubs. Bdubs downed it and made a disgusted expression.

"Nasty." He turned towards Etho. "I dare you to kiss me!"

"You didn't even let me pick." Etho chuckled. "Are you just trying to get me to take my mask off in front of everyone again?"

"No!" Bdubs's face softened. "Maybe."

"I see." Etho leaned in close, whispering in Bdubs's ear. Bdubs grew increasingly red the more Etho spoke.

When Etho pulled away, Bdubs looked at the group. "Etho and I are dropping out of the game."

"Etho, you sly dog." Tango winked in his direction.

"Goodnight." Etho grabbed Bdubs's hand and took him away from the group.

"And then there were four." Tango looked at everyone. "Since Etho dropped out, I'll give the next dare. I pick Grian."

"Really?" Grian was not doing another dare after what Tango made him do last time. "I'm picking truth."

"Spoilsport." Tango scratched his chin. "Hmm. Grian, have you ever slept with Scar?"

"What? No!" Grian shouted. Wasn't that pretty obvious from the kissing debacle?

"He's lying." Scar shook his head.

Grian turned to Scar. "What! I'm not lying!"

"But Grian." Scar's eyes went watery. "Did you forget? When you were sick?" His voice turned sultry. "You begged me not to go."

"Oh my." Jimmy put his hands up to his face.

"Grian, you know the rules." Tango handed him a shot.

"But I!" Grian felt so flustered. Sure they slept in the same bed but that wasn’t the same as sleeping together! "That was! Grrr!" Grian downed the shot. Scar was trying to tease him! He could tease him back! Scar had no idea who he was messing with. "Scar! Sit on my lap!"

"Huh? Is that a dare?" Scar chuckled.

"Yes! Sit!" Grian spread his legs out so Scar would have room.

"Oh. But. Grian, I don't want to hurt you." Scar faltered slightly.

"Sit! You always tell me to sit on your lap. Sit on mine!" Grian patted his leg. "What, you can dish it out but you can't take it?"

"I can take it!" Scar stood up. He took a deep breath before going to sit on Grian's lap. His legs touched the tops of Grian’s, but he didn't put any weight on him.

"Sit!" Grian wrapped his arms around him, feeling Scar's hot, exposed skin against his arms. Scar sat on him as he exhaled loudly.

"Okay, okay. I'm sitting." Scar wiggled a bit, but couldn't escape Grian's grip. "Is this enough sitting?"

"No." Grian pulled himself flush with Scar's back, placing his head on Scar's shoulder. His lips weren't even an inch away from Scar's ear as he whispered, "Do you think it's fun to tease me? I can tease you back and you should know that I will win. I’ll make you so flustered you don’t even know what to do." Grian dropped one of his hands to Scar's leg, the other still lingering on his bare stomach. He gently stroked a finger up and down Scar's thigh before his hand stopped below his crotch. "I can go even further, Scar."

Scar's breath was catching in his throat. He swallowed thickly as he turned his head. His face was bright red as he looked at Grian with half lidded eyes. He breathed out the words, "Do it."

"Is that a dare?" Grian smirked as he moved his hand upwards.

Just as he was about to touch Scar in a far less innocent manner, Scar grabbed his hand, breathing heavily, "Wait."

"Okay!" Tango stood up, his chair squeaking across the floor. "I think Jimmy and I are dropping out!"

"Huh?" Grian pulled his hand away from Scar. He had forgotten that they weren't alone up here. What was Grian even doing? He had gone way too far. "Oh God. I'm sorry Scar." He removed his other hand from Scar's body.

Scar took several gasping breaths as he leapt up. "Okay. Okay. Oh my god."

Tango smirked. "Let's go, Jimmy."

Jimmy was bright red as he took Tango's hand. "Yeah. Okay. I think it's bedtime."

"Goodnight." Grian placed his head in his hands, looking down at the ground. He was so mortified by his own actions. How was he supposed to ever talk to Scar again after that? He felt a tangible tension in the air as Tango and Jimmy walked away.

"Wait." Jimmy turned back towards them. "No. I can't leave like this. I have to know!"

"What?" Tango looked bewildered as Jimmy bolted away from him.

Jimmy dropped down in front of the box. "I have to know what's inside!"

"Don't do it Jimmy!" Tango cried out, running back towards him.

"Aaaahhh!" Jimmy lifted the flaps up, flinching back as the box finally opened.

He paused, looking down.

"There's nothing?" Jimmy's brow was creased.

"What? I told you there was nothing." Grian laughed, falling out of his chair with a thud, which only made him laugh more.

"Oh my god." Tango laughed as he crouched down next to Jimmy. "That's so stupid. Let's go."

Jimmy shook his head. "You got me Grian. Have fun with Scar!" He waved as he left with Tango.

"Well. That was something." Scar sat on the ground next to Grian.

Grian left his laughter peter out. The tension had broken, but he still felt bad for what he had done. "I'm really sorry for touching you like that."

"No worries." Scar looked upwards. Grian followed his eyes. A few stars were visible against the light pollution. "We both got caught up in the moment. I didn’t expect that though."

"Don't underestimate what drunk Grian will do." Grian laughed. "I don't know why you put up with me."

Scar was silent, his eyes focused upwards. "It's not like that. I’m not putting up with you. I'm really happy that you are around. I mean. It’s not like before. No. Never mind. It's stupid."

"What?" Grian felt like maybe Scar would open up to him. He had to get him to talk. "Tell me."

"How drunk are you?" Scar asked.

"I'm not!" Grian scoffed. "I only had, uh. Like. Um… three shots!"

"Okay." Scar laughed. He didn't look away from the sky, but his hand reached over and grabbed Grian’s hand. "When I was little my parents died."

"I'm sorry." Grian squeezed his hand.

"Don't be." Scar shook his head. "It's just that after that I was shuttled around from relative to relative. And then foster home to foster home. I never. I um."

Scar swallowed, blinking rapidly. "I never had anyone to tell me to have a good day when I left in the morning. I never had someone waiting at home for me to return." Scar looked at Grian, even though his eyes were watery, he had a smile on his face. "I'm so happy that you are my home."

"Scar. I didn't know it meant that much to you." Grian didn't know any of that at all. He really had to reach out to Scar more. He wanted to know everything about him. Still, his phrasing sounded familiar. "A home is a person, right?"

Scar muttered something under his breath. It sounded like, "You really are him, aren't you?"

"Hmm?" Grian wasn't sure what he heard.

"Never mind." Scar sniffled, rubbing his nose. "You’re right. Home is a person."

"Then,” Grian grinned, leaning against Scar's side, “Welcome home.”

"I'm home." Scar let go of Grian’s hand so he could wrap his arm around Grian's shoulder. They both gazed up at the night sky for a long time.

Chapter Text

"Are you ready for bed?"

Grian nodded and hummed an affirmative, lifting his head from Scar's shoulder. Despite the heat that assaulted him all day, the night had brought along a chill. Just like the desert, although the nights there had been far more chilling. Grian remembers snuggling into bed next to Scar, watching the man fall asleep, but hardly sleeping himself. He had to stay awake and vigilant. An attack could come at any time.

No, that was the video game. Or his dreams? Grian was a little confused.

Scar stood up, offering a hand down for Grian. Grian took it, picking himself off the ground. Wow! Everything was spinning! He grabbed onto Scar's arm. "Hey Scar?"

"Yes?" Scar responded as he headed for the door, mumbling under his breath, "I'll get the cooler and trash in the morning…"

"Can I wear your shirt to bed?" Grian asked. He liked wearing it more than he thought he would. He swore he could smell Scar on it, or at least the laundry detergent he always used. It was comforting, like in his dreams, sleeping so close to Scar but never touching, except for the rare nights they held hands. Never closer than that. An invisible wall was built between them, one Grian was careful never to cross.

"God." Scar put his free hand up to his mouth. "You have no idea what you do to me."

"Huh?" Grian looked up at him, hardly able to focus his eyes. Scar's lips looked so inviting. He should've taken the opportunity to kiss them when he had the chance. He'd probably never be able to now.

"Nothing. You may wear my shirt to bed." Scar smiled at him.

"Yay! Thank you." Grian smiled and cuddled up tighter to his arm. If he couldn't kiss him or sleep beside him, at least he could have a small part of Scar near him.

They ended up inside their apartment, although Grian really couldn't tell you how that happened, and went into Grian's room. Grian let go of Scar's arm, unbuttoning his pants and letting them fall to the floor, kicking them off. "I'm ready for bed!"

Scar was staring at him with such wide eyes. Oh right. Grian was always yelling at him for getting undressed in front of him and then he went and threw his pants off like it was nothing. Oops. He wasn't thinking clearly. Well it didn't matter, Scar's shirt was long enough to hide his underwear. But since Scar had teased him earlier…

Grian twirled back and forth, holding the ends of the shirt, looking up at Scar, "Like what you see?"

Scar's face turned bright red. "Okay! Bedtime for Mr. Pesky Bird!" Scar lifted up Grian's comforter and motioned for Grian to get into bed.

"Okay." Grian crawled into bed. Scar tucked him in, bringing the comforter over his body. The softness of the sheets remind Grian of the warmth of Scar's bare skin when he held him in his lap. Scar still hadn't bothered to put his shirt back on, the man lacking any sense of shame. He had no reason to be ashamed with a body like that. Grian pulled a hand out from under the covers, resting his hand on Scar's arm, looking up at his lips. "Don't I get a goodnight kiss?"

Grian felt his own face turning violently red. What was he saying? He should say he's just joking and let go of Scar. But after a long moment of neither one of them moving, Scar smiled at Grian, a fond look in his eyes. Scar leaned over, brushing the hair away from Grian's forehead. He gently pressed his lips against Grian's forehead before pulling away again. "Goodnight."

"Night." Grian mostly squeaked instead of forming a proper word. Did Scar really kiss his forehead? He smiled like a fool as he rubbed the place where Scar had kissed. Wow. "I hope I dream about you again tonight."

"Do you dream about me often?" Scar stood up from the bed, facing away from Grian.

"Almost every night." Grian closed his eyes and snuggled against his pillow. "Is that strange?"

"No." There was the sound of Scar's footsteps crossing the room. He clicked the light off. "I dream of you too." Scar’s footsteps faded into the distance.

Did he? Grian wondered what sorts of dreams Scar might have about him. He hoped the dreams were nice ones. Feeling the lingering sensation of Scar's kiss on his forehead, Grian fell asleep.

Scar was underneath him.

The desert sun was bearing down on his back. Through the holes in the knees of his jeans, Grian could feel the grit of the sand. Scar was lying underneath him as Grian straddled his body. Grian caressed his neck, looking into his eyes. Eyes that seemed to be devoid of any light despite the brightness of the sun.

"It's okay," Scar's smile was strained, his voice constricted, "I love you."

His eyes met Grian's, a desperate energy to them, the most light Grian had seen in them. Grian couldn't respond. Any words he might've wanted to say died on his tongue before he could even attempt to spit them out. Scar's eyes grew darker before closing. A burst of anxiety and fear hit his chest and in some desperate last attempt to communicate his feelings, Grian leaned over, pressing his lips against Scar's. It was messy and full of a manic energy, but he was kissing Scar! It wasn’t right though. Scar wasn't kissing him back and there was a strange taste in his mouth, something like iron. Scar was completely still under him, even the hand at Scar’s throat couldn't detect a pulse.

Grian pulled back, startled to see the blood that stained Scar's face, and perhaps moreso, when he lifted his hands from Scar's neck, the deep red that dripped from his fingertips.

Grian shot up in bed, an ugly scream ripping from his throat. He screamed for several long seconds before he could stop himself, realizing where he was and that he had only been dreaming. He took several deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. What was that dream? What was-

"Grian?" A groggy voice came from his doorway.

"Scar?" Grian's head pounded as his eyes tried to adjust to the darkness. "I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

"It's okay." Scar stumbled into the room. "Are you okay? I heard a loud scream! It sounded like you were being murdered!"

Grian chuckled. "I'm okay. I had a nightmare."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Scar stood next to the bed.

"Nah." Grian vaguely remembered some very embarrassing things happening the previous night while he was drunk. Oh no. He didn't think he could talk to Scar at all. Especially not about a dream where Scar told him he loved him and Grian kissed him. "Go back to sleep."

"Okay. I left you some Tylenol and water." Scar pointed at the bedside table as he yawned.

"Thank you." Grian busied himself with taking the medicine as Scar left the room. He didn't want Scar to leave. A part of him wanted to beg Scar to stay. He couldn't do that, could he? They were just roommates and Grian had already way overstepped his bounds with Scar. He made Scar give him a goodnight kiss! God, he would be lucky if Scar didn't disappear and leave him just like Taurtis had.

Grian sighed as he laid back down, trying to not let his negative feelings overwhelm him. It would be okay. Scar wouldn't just leave him. They could keep on living their happy life, just like this.

Grian pulled Scar’s shirt up over his face, smelling that lingering scent of laundry detergent. That seemed to calm him down enough to fall back asleep.

Grian spent a miserable day hungover, mostly lying in bed. He tried not to think of his dream too much. It was just a dream, after all. Still, he couldn't quite get the image of Scar, bloodied and probably dead from his mind.

The next day Grian decided he had to do something. He had spent way too much time in bed lately and he wanted to thank Scar for everything he had done to help him. It was still a little awkward to talk to him after what had happened that drunken night. Grian didn't want that awkwardness to stick around. Sure he had felt up Scar's leg and said embarrassing things and they kissed each other's foreheads. That didn't mean their relationship had to change! Grian didn't want things to change. He liked what they had. It had been a long time since he felt as close to anyone as he did to Scar. Losing that would be awful.

So Grian headed to the store and found the perfect present. It was a bit expensive but he had some extra money from the rather large tip Joel had sent him. Besides, Scar was worth it.

While waiting for Scar to return from work, Grian sat on the couch, doodling some character designs. He was using Scar's design notes but honestly he felt like he already knew what the characters should look like. It was more of a struggle to not make them look like his friends.

The door opened and Grian placed down his phone, turning to look at Scar. Scar looked a little tired, but when he noticed Grian he perked up with a faint smile.

"Welcome home." Grian said, although those words felt loaded in his mouth.

"I'm home." Scar replied, his voice soft. "Is your hangover all better?"

"Yup. Did you have a good day?" Grian really wanted to spring his gift on Scar, but surprising him would be better.

"It was tiring. I'm glad it's over. I'm going to get changed." Scar moved towards his room, his weary body dragging a bit.

Working sounded tough. Grian wondered if he could handle a shift at the gas station. He'd survive it, but it sounded like hell. He should be grateful he could take breaks whenever he needed.

Well now was the perfect time to give Scar his gift. Grian retrieved it from his room, running back out and placing it on the kitchen table. It didn't take much longer for Scar to exit his room. His eyes landed on the gift as he gasped in surprise.

"Lilacs?" Scar approached the table where Grian had set out the gift. It was in fact lilacs, placed in a rustic tin watering can instead of a vase. It added to the charm, Grian thought.

"Yup! I wanted to give you a gift as thanks for taking care of me. I wanted to get you real lilacs, but they aren't in bloom right now, so these are silk flowers, but they are really pretty. Real lilacs grow in bushes anyway, so it wouldn't have been easy to care for-"

"Grian." Scar placed his hands on Grian's shoulders. "Why lilacs?"

"Why?" Grian looked up towards his ceiling, trying to remember why it had to be lilacs. Especially purple ones. He felt like there was a reason. Oh right. The dream where Scar had given him poppy flowers! He had also given him lilacs. That was too silly to say out loud though, so Grian shrugged. "I dunno. I like the way they look."

Grian might’ve imagined it, but he swore he saw Scar's shoulders slump a bit. His expression turned a bit softer though, a small smile curved his lips. "Okay. Lilacs are lovely. Thank you Grian. I'll treasure it."

"Good! I thought you would like it!" Grian grinned. It still felt like there was some tension between them, but he was sure they would work through it. "Are you feeling up to working on the game for a bit before dinner? I wanted to get some stuff done before the stream tomorrow."

"Sure thing." Scar ran a finger over one of the delicate looking flowers. "Should I get out my notes? I've been working on the script."

"Have you?" Grian was curious. "I definitely want to see that."

Scar went to get his notes and Grian sat on the couch. He returned, sitting close to Grian, but not too close. There was enough space between them, Grian would say. Scar showed off the script. Reading it brought on some fierce deja vu, but Grian enjoyed the story so far. There weren't any decisions until after the main character's first death, so it was pretty straightforward.

After that, Grian showed Scar his character designs. "By the way Scar, are we going to keep calling the character who sticks by the main character Grian? Don't you think we should think up a different name?"

"I think it fits him." Scar narrowed his eyes at the sketch. "You really hit the nail on the head. Do nails have heads? No, wait, I mean, you drew him perfect. You even got his wings right."

"Wings are a pain to draw, but I like how expressive they can be! Look, I drew out some of his portraits!" Grian opened the picture on his phone, showing the character with a shocked look, his arms in the air at awkward angles, one wing partially in front of his face while the other one was flung out.

"Wow. Amazing." Scar beamed at the picture. "You are so good at art!"

"It's nothing, really." Grian could feel his ego growing but smashed it back down. "Have you figured out the ending to the story yet?"

"Well." Scar looked off to the side. "I know how it has to end. Writing it down is proving difficult."

For the briefest of moments, Grian swore he saw Scar's face covered in blood, just like in his dream. He gasped audibly, flinching back.

Scar looked confused. "Huh? Is that strange?"

"No. Um." The image was gone, but Grian felt like his heart had been thrown from a cliff and smashed upon the rocks. He took in a deep breath. "Sorry. I think my brain is broken sometimes."

"Hmm? Are you okay?" Scar placed a hand on his arm, a gentle, comforting motion.

"Yeah." Grian rubbed the corner of his eyes with his index finger and thumb. He couldn't even explain that reaction to Scar. "Sorry. I think I need to eat! What do you want for dinner?"

"If you aren't feeling well I'll cook-"

"Nope! No way!" Grian stood up. "It's my turn and you worked all day. I'm cooking. So what do you want?"

In the end he made spaghetti while discussing more of the game. As they ate, Grian noticed how Scar's eyes wandered to the lilacs on the table with an amused grin. Scar must really like the gift. After cleaning up, Grian went into his room and got out a new canvas. He didn't want to work on the desert scene on camera. It felt too personal. Instead he and Scar decided that the village where the creeper explodes and kills the main character should have a hand-painted background. Grian started to sketch out the village on the canvas in pencil, trying not to think about his weird dreams or how nervous he was for the livestream.

Chapter Text

Wow! The grout between the tiles in the kitchen was so dirty! That's why Grian was currently on his hands and knees, cleaning the floor with a toothbrush. He clearly couldn't leave the kitchen in such a state of filth! He had to make sure the apartment he shared with Scar was clean.

"Grian." Scar crouched down next to him. "What are you doing?"

"Cleaning!" Grian spat out, like it wasn't obvious.

"Okay." Scar took a deep breath. "But you said you wanted to stream at four. It's four."

Grian dropped the toothbrush, looking up at Scar with wide eyes. "What? There is no livestream!" He laughed nervously.

Scar looked upwards, tapping a finger against his lips. "Hmm. Could this possibly be you having some sort of panic attack?"

"Me? Panic? Is there a reason to panic?" Grian picked up the toothbrush and started to scrub at the grout again. "Everything's fine!"

"You know, Grian." Scar placed his hand over Grian's, stopping him from his frantic scrubbing. "This would be a lot easier if you just told me what's wrong."

Scar was touching him. A few weeks ago the slightest touch from Scar had sent his brain into a frenzy. Now he still felt frazzled when Scar touched him, but it was comforting somehow. His hands were so warm, a little rough, but still gentle. It grounded him to be touched, even this small amount.

Grian took a breath in and exhaled slowly. "Sorry. I'm nervous about appearing on camera, I guess. I haven't really shown myself to anyone online. What if they all started insulting me for my looks?"

"Why would they do that?" Scar scoffed. "You are so handsome! If they insult you they are clearly just being trolls. I'll ban them!"

"You're sweet Scar, but I'm not really handsome at all. Not like you." Grian reached up towards Scar's face, tracing his jawline with a finger. "I mean look at you, you have those manly, rugged good looks. I'm very jealous."

Scar averted his eyes, his cheeks dusting pink. "Thanks! I don't know what to say." He chuckled. "If you're nervous, why don't you put Jellie on camera first?"

"Huh?" Grian placed his hand back on his own lap.

"Everyone loves cats! If your stream audience sees a cat first I'm sure they'll be favorable to you."

"Will that work?" Grian wondered. He did enjoy seeing cats.

"I'm sure it will!" Scar stood up, helping Grian to his feet.

"Okay." It was worth trying. Besides, if things got too rough he could always stop streaming. "I'm ready."

"Great!" Scar pulled out his phone. "I'll moderate the chat. Oh look, there are people already chatting! They are wondering when the stream will start."

"Oh." Grian took a deep breath. Right, he didn't want to disappoint people who were already waiting even though he was late to his own stream. He sat down at his desk, looking over everything. He had set up all the software, all he needed to do was start the stream.

Scar plopped down on his bed, out of view from where the camera was pointed at the easel. "I think Jellie was on the couch."

Grian nodded, afraid to speak due to the sudden nausea that had taken hold of his stomach. This is going to be a disaster! Why had he ever decided to do this? He found Jellie, lying on the couch. He picked her up, cradling her in his arms. "Sorry Jellie," he whispered as he kissed the top of her head.

Grian headed back into his room. It was time to start. He could do this. "Alright Scar, I'm starting the stream." The anxious pit in his stomach only seemed to be growing.

"You got this! Only fifteen minutes late." Scar gave him a thumbs up.

Grian laughed as he rolled his eyes. He sent out a tweet saying that he was going live and sent along the link. Now to just start the stream. A simple button press. His hand hovered over his mouse before he finally clicked down.

He really started it. He saw the start-up screen he had put in ahead of time show up. Good, things were working. He looked at the chat, it did seem like a good number of people had shown up. Grian cleared his throat. "Hello? Can you hear me?"

The chat scrolled by, lots of people replying in the affirmative. A couple of people did say no but Grian assumed they were just joking.

"Welcome to my stream! This is my first time doing something like this, so I need to confess my deep dark secret to you all." Grian held Jellie up to the camera, changing the screen to show her. "I'm secretly a cat."

Grian watched as the chat exploded with a bunch of people spamming about the cat. Well, if anything, that put everyone in a good mood. He took a deep breath as he pulled Jellie away from the camera and placed her back down. She jumped up onto the bed with Scar. He could see himself on the stream now. He almost wanted to stop the stream immediately. Well, everyone had seen him now. Nothing to do but carry on.

"Hi. It's me! Grian. You might know me from my many pictures of Shrek and Kakashi making out since someone keeps commissioning me to draw them." Grian was pretty sure Joel was in the chat, he had to call him out. "Anyway, sorry I'm late. I was cleaning the grout in my kitchen. I'm here now and I'm going to paint and also share some information about the video game I'm creating with my friend Scar. Scar's in the chat, say hello Scar!"

Grian watched as Scar typed into the chat, "Hello everybody!"

"I guess I'll start painting and discuss a bit about the game!" Grian looked away from the computer. No one outright insulted him, so he took that as a good sign. It was still nerve-wracking to be on camera like this. So many eyes that he couldn't even see on him, watching his every move…

No, he wouldn't let himself get nervous again. He just had to pretend that there was no one else in the room but him and Scar. If he was just talking to Scar he wouldn't be nervous.

"And also there's a link to donate in the description. All proceeds go to making the game by keeping us from getting evicted." Grian chuckled. Rent was coming up again. How did the month go by so fast?

He saw a couple of people questioning who was "us". "Me and Scar. He's my roommate." Grian picked up the canvas and brought it closer to the camera. "Today I'm working on painting one of the backgrounds for the game. I did the under sketch, the cameras not picking it up well, but it's a village. So let me describe the game…"

Grian rambled on, starting to paint. This wasn't so bad. It was hard to concentrate on the painting while he was talking, but he did manage to get a bit of work done. He took a small break to show off some of the character designs.

"Hey Grian." Scar shouted from the bed. "Joel wants to be mod."

"What?" Grian looked at his chat. Joel was in the chat and he was spamming, "Mod me!" over and over. Grian sighed. "No Joel. If I gave you that power you'd surely go crazy with it."

Joel replied again after a few seconds, "The character Joe looks like me. I demand financial compensation."

"He does look like you, doesn't he." Grian nervously bit his lip. Right. He forgot that he made that character look like Joel. He did try to change the design so it wasn't too similar, but he didn't change it enough, apparently. "You should be honored to be in my game."

Grian nearly jumped out of his seat when his computer dinged at him. He looked and saw a notification from a donation. It was from Joel, he had donated $1000.

"Joel!" Grian felt his face going pale. "That's too much!"

"Read the donation message!" Joel typed in chat.

"Right." Grian looked at the message. "Joel says that he wants the character to be named after him. I think we can do that." Grian glanced back at Scar. Scar gave him a thumbs up. "Yeah, you got it Joel. That character is called Joel now. I mean that's the least we can do for all the support you've given us."

The chat started to scroll by quickly again. "Oh no, chat, I can't name all the characters after you. I know Joel in real life-"

Grian heard another ding, making him flinch. "Another donation? Twenty dollars from OtakuMei! They said, I enjoy hearing about all the characters. Thank you!"

At least it wasn't someone asking Grian to name a character after him. He definitely couldn't do that for everyone. He was surprised when another donation came in. "Fifty dollars from FunkyPigeon. They just left a heart as a message."

More donations rolled in, enough that his heart was feeling overwhelmed and his eyes went misty. "Guys. Are you trying to make me cry? Thank you so much. You are all so generous."

He tried to get back to painting, but it was even more difficult to concentrate after such kindness was shown towards him. He took a few more deep breaths before focusing on his painting and less on the chat, talking idly about the other characters.

He only glanced over at the chat again because it started to scroll by at lightning speed. Did he miss a donation or something? Grian noticed that everyone was shouting about, "Hot guy."

"Hot guy? Chat, what are you-?" Grian spotted in the background of his stream a figure. A person. It was Scar. Not wearing a shirt, flexing his arms.

"Scar!" Grian spun in his chair to face the real person. "Put your shirt on! You are going to get me banned from Twitch!"

"What?" Scar covered his chest in some mockery of modesty. "Where did my shirt go? Oh woe is me! I lost my shirt!"

"I swear to God." Grian got up, grabbing Scar's shirt from the bed. He handed it over, "Keep your clothes on for once in your life!"

Scar started to button up his shirt. The chat was still going wild. "No chat! Don't clip that! What? Are we dating? No! He's my roommate!"

"What's that?" Scar sauntered over, leaning on the top of Grian’s head, reading the chat. "Why yes I do have impeccable abs, thanks for noticing!"

"Scar! I told you to moderate chat!" Grian looked upwards. "You got them all riled up."

A ding came through, notifying him of another donation. "Twenty dollars from Echo Blue. They said, ‘Scar, take your shirt off again.’ No! Don't encourage him!"

"I have to do what chat says!" Scar undid the first button.

"No you don't!" Grian grabbed the fabric of his shirt and buttoned it back up again. "I'm going to take you out!"

"On a date?" Scar smiled brightly.

Grian gripped the fabric tighter. "No. Like an assassin."

"Kinky." Scar winked at him.

"Ugh!" Grian happened to glance at chat. The messages were scrolling by too fast to even read. "Oh no. I think that's enough streaming for today! Follow my Twitter and I'll post when I stream again. Thank you everyone!"

Grian clicked the hotkey to stop the stream. "Oh my god Scar. You're impossible."

"Impossibly handsome?" Scar chuckled.

"Yes." Grian glared at him, pulling Scar in closer by the front of his shirt. "And impossible to control."

"Are we going to kiss?" Scar smirked at him.

"Why? The last one wasn't enough?" Grian could feel himself getting dangerously close to Scar. Not just physically, no, in a completely different way too. He wanted to close that gap between them. He felt like he was spinning wildly out of control and he had no desire to stop it. The lips he wanted to kiss so badly were right there. What would happen if he actually kissed Scar, right here, right now?

It felt like it would destroy them both if he did. Grian welcomed destruction in that case.

"Uh. Grian?" Scar's eyes darted towards the laptop. "You didn't end the stream."

"What?" Grian let go of Scar and turned towards the screen in abject horror. The stream was still going. "Aaaaahhh!" He quickly ended the stream for real, collapsing onto the floor as soon as he was sure it was really over.

"Grian?" Scar sat down on the floor. "It's okay!"

"It's not!" Grian covered his face with his hands. "I'm going to end up on those 'didn't end the stream' compilations on YouTube!" Not to mention that was so mortifying. He nearly kissed Scar again. What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he control himself around Scar? Why did he feel this pressing need to kiss him?

"I don't think you are a big enough streamer to worry about that." Scar ran a hand down Grian's back, stopping right at his middle, leaving his hand to linger there.

"That really doesn't make me feel better." Grian sighed. "I'm sorry Scar. I keep teasing you too much. I feel like I'm taking it way too far, I have a hard time knowing when to stop."

"You don't have to stop." Scar replied.

Grian looked at him, his heart felt like it had dropped clean out of his chest, a harsh chill running down his spine. What did that mean? Did Scar really want them to kiss? Could Grian take it that far? No, no, that couldn't be what he meant. There was no way, right? Grian shouldn't think so highly of himself. There was no way that someone as attractive as Scar wanted to kiss someone like Grian. "I can keep teasing you, is that what you meant?"

"S-sure." Scar bit his lip, looking away from Grian. "Teasing is fun!"

"Yeah, but we're roommates." Grian lifted his hand up to his desk, feeling the wood bite into his skin. "This will sound stupid, but I really like the relationship we have now. I don't want to lose it by pushing you too far."

"You won't-"

"Scar. I nearly felt you up in front of Timmy and Tango. You are really nice to let it go, but that was too far. I shouldn't have done that. If you didn’t stop me, I don't think I would've stopped at all." Grian tightened his grip on his desk, closing his eyes, taking a heaving breath. "I meant it when I said that you're my home you know? I don't want to ruin that."

"Okay, it's okay, Grian." Scar gently rubbed his back. "Nothing has to change. You can tease me though, it doesn't bother me."

"Really?" Grian opened his eyes. Scar seemed sincere. Well, if it was fine… Grian could try to control himself. "Okay then, beautiful. Do you want me to take you out?"

"Oh no! Please don't assassinate me!" Scar yelped.

Grian laughed. "Nope, I meant to dinner. We have some extra money from the stream, I think we both need to relax a little and have a good meal. Besides, I want to thank you for helping moderate my chat. Even if you riled them up at the end."

Scar smiled sheepishly. "It was funny."

"It was." Grian laughed. "Don't do it again."

"I won't. We can go to dinner, hmm, maybe on Wednesday? I'm tired tonight and I'm hanging out with Cub after work tomorrow."

"Okay. That's fine." Grian pulled himself up from the floor, using his desk as leverage. "Thanks again Scar. You are really understanding of me and my weirdness."

"I'm weird too." Scar stood up with Grian's help. "I'll make us some dinner now. Does chicken and mashed potatoes sound good?"

"That sounds great. I'll help you in a minute, just let me get everything cleaned up."

Scar left the room and Grian started to clean up. He saved what paint he could for next time. He was going to wash off the brushes when he noticed a direct message from Joel on Twitter.

Smallishbeans: Why'd you stop the stream?
Smallishbeans: I wanted to see you and Scar kiss.
Smallishbeans: This is the worst day of my life.
Grian: if this is the worst day i think you are pretty lucky
Smallishbeans: What a blessed life I lead
Smallishbeans: You don't really have to name the character after me, you know.
Grian: no, I think Joel fits the character more than Joe.
Grian: this is a change for the better
Smallishbeans: Sweet!
Smallishbeans: I'm in a video game!
Smallishbeans: Lizzie and Sausage will be so jealous
Grian: im also in the game
Smallishbeans: And so is Scar, he's the main character, right?
Smallishbeans: You draw his pecs with such passion
Smallishbeans: When's the next stream?
Smallishbeans: Are you going to kiss Scar then or are you going to keep us hanging?
Grian: im never going to kiss Scar
Smallishbeans: Sure. That's why you said you've kissed him before on the stream
Grian: ghhhhh
Smallishbeans: So are you two dating or what?
Grian: dont worry about it
Grian: goodnight

Grian saw Joel typing, but he closed Twitter before he saw the reply. Somehow everyone thinking he was dating Scar felt a little nice. Too bad something like that couldn't be reality. He picked up his phone and checked for any messages. It seemed that Pearl had messaged him several times while he was streaming. Grian sighed. Should he just block her? Cut off all contact with his family? He wasn't sure, he'd think about it. He stood up from his chair, heading to the kitchen to help Scar.

Chapter Text

It was so boring without Scar around.

Grian was lying face down on the couch, one hand idly hanging off the side, his face smooshed into the cushion. He couldn't get up because Jellie had decided to lay on his back and take a nap. He wasn't so cruel as to wake up a precious sleeping kitty!

Ugh. He was so bored though. Scar was hanging out with Cub today so he wasn't going to be back until late. So Grian was alone with his thoughts. A dangerous thing, really. Strange, before Scar came he spent so much time alone and he never felt this ache in his chest at all. He liked having Scar around, even if they weren't talking and Scar was puttering around the apartment doing his own thing. He never felt lonely when Scar was here.

Was this loneliness? Nah, that was silly. He was capable of spending a day on his own. This was no big deal. He was just going to take a nap like Jellie was, she had the right idea. He dozed, his mind flipping from thought to thought, never really catching any of them.

A loud knocking sound tore him from his slumber. What was that? Was someone at the door? Perhaps Scar had accidentally left his keys and locked himself out. Grian could see that. He rolled over, careful not to squish Jellie, moving her into his arms instead. "Let's go see your daddy."

He stood up, carrying Jellie to the front door. He opened it with a wide grin, so happy that Scar was finally home.

Except that it wasn't Scar behind the door.

"Grian." Pearl was standing there, wearing a red hoodie, the hood currently down, her long hair flowing around her shoulders. Her face looked more serious than usual, her brows stitched together in concern.

Grian stared wide eyed before going to close the door.

"Hey!" Pearl stuck an arm in before he could close the door. "Rude!"

"Go away." Grian tried to close the door, but it's a losing battle, he was holding a cat while Pearl had nothing to stop her from barging in. Grian sighed as Pearl entered the apartment.

"You haven't been answering me!" Pearl stomped a foot against the ground.

Ah. Grian should go lock himself in his room. She'd get bored and go away eventually. He turned away but Pearl caught his arm. "Will you talk to me?"

"No." Grian felt any patience he had draining away. Jellie seemed just as agitated, wiggling in his arms. Grian let her jump out of his arms before turning back to face Pearl. "You think I'm just playing pretend! Do you think that me being a man is just a game? Do you think this is fun for me?"

"Grian, I-" Pearl stammered, her eyes going wide.

Grian pointed at her, a sharp sneer on his face. "I'm a man and if you don't want to recognize that then get the hell away from me!"

"That's. That's not what I meant." Pearl cast her gaze downwards, a hand balled up at her chest. "You're a man, I know you are. I didn't mean pretend like that."

"Then what did you mean?" Grian tried to keep his words calm but he felt like poison was dripping from each one.

"God. No wonder you wouldn't talk to me." Pearl walked over towards the nearest chair and sat down. "Grian, I mean pretending to be an artist."

"That's not any better." Grian didn't want to admit that he felt a tiny bit of relief at that. "And you know if I went home Dad would make me act like a girl. I would rather die, thank you very much."

"I'm sorry." Pearl looked up at him before quickly averting her eyes again. "I didn't mean to hurt you, honestly."

"Well you did." Grian turned away from her. "I'm not pretending to be an artist either. I'm really an artist."

"Okay." Pearl was quiet for a moment, clasping her hands together in her lap. "I'm just worried about you. You came to the picnic looking half starved and so very pale, like you hadn't gone outside in months."

"I go outside." Grian grumbled.

"I'm just scared for you. It seems like you are struggling. I just, I guess I want a better life for you. You don't have to do this alone, Grian. You can ask for help." Pearl gripped her hands tighter together.

"You really don't understand." Grian took in a deep breath. "I can't ask for help. Do you know what Dad said when he kicked me out?"

"No?" Pearl lifted her head to look more directly at Grian. "I wasn't there."

"I know. But he specifically told me that I couldn't make a living off art." Grian crossed his arms tightly against his chest. "That I would come crawling back home one day because I couldn't make it alone. I can do this Pearl. I'm not going to prove him right."

"Grian." Pearl's lip trembled. "He was just trying to upset you. Don't listen to him."

"You listen to him." Grian snapped, although he almost immediately felt guilty when Pearl's face fell.

"I shouldn't listen to him either." Pearl said, her voice just barely audible. "I'm not as strong as you are, Grian. I don't know how to make it on my own."

"Pearl." Grian walked over and knelt in front of her. "I'm not strong at all. I'd say I'm pretty pathetic most of the time. I'm pretty sure strong people don't lock themselves in their rooms for months on end because going outside is too terrifying."

"Did you really…?" Pearl left the question lingering. Grian ignored it.

"You need to do what's right for you. I don't think staying with that man is going to do you any favors. Don't you want to do what you want to do? Don't you want to be free?"

"I'm scared, Grian." Pearl wrapped her arms around herself, her eyes going misty.

"It is scary, but he's toxic. I feel like if you stay at home you'll end up toxic too. It's up to you though." Grian smiled at her. "You don't have to decide this second. I just want what's best for you too."

"Idiot." Pearl wiped her eyes, smiling at him. She held out her arms. "Awkward sibling hug?"

"Awkward sibling hug." Grian wrapped his arms around her, smacking her back. "Pat pat."

"Pat, pat." Pearl echoed, barely holding in her laughter.

Grian let her go. He did feel marginally better. All the hurt wasn't gone, of course not, but at least Pearl hadn't been denying his whole identity. "So, do you want some tea or something? I think I have some orange juice if that's more your speed."

"I'll take orange juice." Pearl sat back down, flopping across the table. "That was emotionally draining."

"You're telling me." Grian pulled the orange juice out from the fridge and poured it into a glass. Hmm, he never noticed but not a single one of the glasses he owned matched, did they. He had gotten most of them from the thrift store, although some had come from Taurtis or Scar.

"Here you go." Grian sat down at the table across from Pearl, setting the glass down with a clink.

"Thanks." Pearl sat up, taking a sip. "You are looking better than you did at the picnic."

"Well Scar has been feeding me." Grian shrugged. He honestly couldn't tell if his weight had fluctuated at all.

"That's good. Where is Scar?" Pearl glanced around the apartment.

"He's visiting a friend. I'm sure he'll be back soon." Grian ran a finger against the grain of the faux wood of the table. "Did you want to wait for him to return?"

Pearl shrugged. "I should probably get home soon."

Grian nodded. "Before you go, can I ask you for some advice? I'm not good at, um, things?"

"What things?" Pearl straightened herself in her seat.

"I, um. It's about Scar." Grian wrung his hands together. He wasn't even sure why he was bringing this up. He felt like he had to talk to someone about it. "I keep dreaming about him. Almost nightly."

"Oh." Pearl set her drink down, her eyes going wide. "I dreamed about Scar too."

"What?" Grian narrowed his eyes on her. "What kind of dream?"

"You were there too, actually, but Scar had a sanctuary for pandas. He called them jelly pandas, for some reason." Pearl took another sip of her orange juice. "Also he couldn't seem to keep his shirt on."

"That does sound like him." That was weird. At least it wasn't the same as the dreams he had about Scar. That would be concerning. Pearl wasn't in his dreams and neither were any pandas.

"Yes. I believe that you two were soulmates. In my dream." Pearl clarified, running a finger along the edge of her cup. "What a strange thing to dream about. I'm sorry, what was your dream about?"

Soulmates? How could Pearl just make an offhand comment like that and immediately move on? That seemed like an important detail! Well it was just a dream, he didn't need to be so concerned. He cleared his throat, "Well, in my dream Scar told me he loved me, so I kissed him, but then-"

The front door opened, stopping Grian's sentence in its tracks. Scar came inside, carrying a pizza box. "I'm home!"

"Welcome home." Grian felt like he was sweating despite the cool air from the A/C. Scar hadn't heard what he was talking about, right? Still, he couldn't help but to smile at Scar, he was so happy to see him again.

Scar scanned the room, spotting Pearl sitting at the table. He looked her over carefully for a moment, his brows creasing. "You! You're the one who hurt Grian!"

"Er!" Grian got up, walking over towards Scar. "It's okay. Pearl and I made up."

"Okay." Scar pursed his lips. "I'm watching you though, missy!"

Pearl laughed, probably due to nerves. "Well, I was actually just about to leave. Thank you for taking care of my brother. I know he can be a handful."

"He certainly is!" Scar nodded his head.

"Hey!" Grian yelled.

"I enjoy having him around anyway." Scar looked over at Grian with a fondness in his eyes. "I'm glad you two made up, but I'd appreciate it if you didn't hurt him again."

"Scar." Grian felt a little worried. He didn't want Scar and Pearl to fight.

"I'll try my best." Pearl chuckled, standing up. She looked back at Grian. "Keep in contact, yeah?"

"I will. Thanks for stopping by." Grian watched as Pearl rather quickly made it over to the door. "Bye Pearl."

"Bye Grian." Pearl opened the door, placing herself halfway behind it as she continued, "Bye Scar." She shut the door before he could even respond.

Scar looked at the door for a long moment before turning back to Grian. "Are you really okay?"

"I'm okay. Is that pizza? I can tell you what happened if you give me a slice." Grian hadn't eaten all day, he was starving.

"Oh yes! Cub ordered it but there was so much left! I brought it for you." Scar placed the pizza box down. Grian took a slice, eating the cold pizza while describing what had happened.

"Are you sure you are okay?" Scar asked when Grian finished talking.

"I'm still upset, but I think she meant well. I guess I didn't realize how skinny I was." Grian smoothed out the fabric of his sweater. "I'm not that skinny."

"Well." Scar pushed the pizza box towards him. "Keep eating."

"Alright." Grian chuckled. "Thank you Scar. It feels nice to have someone else get mad on my behalf."

"No problem." Scar smiled.

They both ate cold pizza until they couldn't eat anymore.

That night, Grian checked his phone. Pearl had sent him a message. He opened it this time, seeing the wall of messages he had ignored. At the bottom was the newest set of messages.

Pearl: I feel like you were trying to ask for advice about Scar
Pearl: But our conversation got cut short!
Pearl: Idk why you are asking me, but here's my extra special Pearly advice!
Pearl: If you are dreaming about something that must mean you want it to happen~
Pearl: Kiss him!
Grian: That must mean you want Scar to have a panda reserve you goof
Grian: I sincerely doubt Scar wants to kiss me
Grian: But thanks
Pearl: Idiot! :D
Grian: Goodnight Pearl

Grian placed his phone down on his table, closing his eyes and waiting for sleep to take him.

A familiar dream started to play out in front of him. Scar beneath him, Grian gently stroking his neck. He knew what words were coming next. He wanted to stop those words from falling from Scar's lips. If he could, maybe he could stop this tragedy.

"It's okay. I love you." Scar's choked words came anyway.

It wasn't fair.

Grian leaned over, trying to kiss him before it was too late, to express to Scar how much he meant to him, but Scar was already gone, all that was left was a bloodied body and Grian's own howl of anguish.

He woke up, his heart stampeding in his chest. All his thoughts were focused on Scar. He had to see him. He had to find him. What if Scar was actually dead? Grian choked back a sob. No, no, he had to see Scar for real.

He slid out of bed, not even bothering to put on his pajama pants, his feet sliding along the cold hardwood floor. He made his way to Scar's room, standing at the precipice. The door was closed, the room dark. Scar was probably sleeping. Grian should go back to bed.

But he couldn't. He had to see Scar.

Gently he pushed the door open. It squeaked along the hinges as it opened, the light from the living room spilling into Scar's room. From here he could see the vague shape of Scar, cuddled up in his bed. It wasn't enough.

Grian barely even lifted his feet as he moved into the room. He knelt down next to Scar’s bed, looking into his face. It appeared that he was breathing, but could Grian really be sure? He reached out and pressed his fingers against Scar's neck, trying to feel for his pulse. He had no idea where to feel though, he wasn't feeling anything, Scar was dead and gone and Grian could never tell him-

"Grian?" Scar croaked out, one of his eyes opening.

He was alive. The relief Grian felt was immeasurable. Enough emotion overwhelmed him that his emotions fell from his eyes in the form of tears. "You're alive."

"Of course I am?" Scar opened his other eye. "Why are you crying?"

"I had a nightmare." Grian grimaced. He didn't want to talk about it, but he didn't think he could leave Scar's side right now either. He'd worry himself silly if he couldn't confirm that Scar was still alive. "You died."

"Oh Grian." Scar reached out a hand from under his covers, a finger tracing the tear tracks down his cheek.

"Can I stay with you tonight?" Grian's voice was tense. He knew he was asking for something insane. He was certain Scar would tell him to leave and Grian didn't know if he could handle that.

Scar wasn't like that though. He lifted up his sheets and scooted over without a single word. Grian slid into bed, feeling the warmth on the mattress from where Scar's body had recently occupied. Scar's body heat.

Grian reached over and threaded his fingers together with Scar's. Just the two of them in bed, holding hands, this felt familiar. This felt right.

"Scar," Grian spoke into the still air between them. Scar was lying on his side, just as Grian was. Both of them took fleeting glances at each other. "I want to get to know you better."

"What's there to know!" Scar laughed. "I'm an open book, you know everything about me already!"

"That's the biggest lie I've ever heard." Grian shook his head. "You never talk about yourself. I want to know you. Tell me a secret."

"That's a tall order, Grian." Scar stopped laughing. "I don't know what you want me to say."

"Anything. Tell me something no one else knows about you." Grian probably shouldn't be doing this now. It was late and Scar had to work in a scant few hours. But he couldn't help himself either. He wanted to be closer to Scar.

"You have to tell me a secret too." Scar replied.

"Okay."

"Alright." Scar paused for a moment. "I've never had a flu shot."

"What?" Grian frowned. "Is that really a secret?"

"It could be?" Scar bit his lip. "I don't like needles."

"You are getting your flu shot this fall. I don't want you to get sick." Grian said, not leaving room for discussion.

"Okay. Will you hold my hand when I get it?" Scar smirked ever so slightly.

Grian squeezed his hand tightly. "You're a baby."

"I am! Tell me a secret now."

"Fine." Grian lessened his hold on Scar's hand but didn't let him go. "I'll give you a secret of equal caliber. But you owe me a real secret."

"That was a secret." Scar grumbled, looking to the side.

"Here's my secret. I don't like peanut butter cups." Grian told Scar.

"Huh?" Scar lowered one brow, lifting the other. "That's not a secret."

"Sure it is." Grian rubbed his thumb over Scar's thumb. His hands were so much bigger. "You see, when we were little, me and Pearl always traded our Halloween candy with each other. She didn't like peanut butter cups so I pretended I did. It made her happy to give me something she thought I liked. Of course now everyone thinks I love peanut butter cups."

Scar's face softened. "You’re a good brother."

"Thanks." Grian felt his face going red. He closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to see Scar's reaction. "Now tell me a real secret."

"Let me think." Silence filled the air. "I think I thought of something but it's sad."

"That's okay." Grian smiled, unsure if Scar saw it or not, but he smiled nonetheless. "Tell me."

"Back, before my parents passed away, my dad really loved video games. One of my first memories is of him playing a game, actually. Anyway, he was a bit of a scatterbrain, always forgetting stuff. My mom bought him a memory card and made all kinds of jokes about it being his real memory. He'd pretend to save important stuff to it, it was this long on-going gag. After he passed away, I took that memory card and I've kept it with me ever since. I know it's dumb, but it makes me feel like I'm keeping his memory with me."

Grian felt his eyes watering. He quickly brushed away the tears, opening his eyes back up. He wasn't sure if Scar noticed, he was looking up towards the ceiling.

"Well. That's my secret." Scar cleared his throat. "I've never told anyone about that before. Now you tell me something."

"It's not dumb at all Scar. I think it's wonderful. I don't have any secrets like that." Grian frowned. Well, maybe he did, but he didn't want to share that.

"Tell me anything then." Scar's voice was shaking a bit. It made Grian want to hold him. He held himself back, instead squeezing Scar's hand. Scar squeezed back.

Grian couldn't think of anything else to say though. He was scared to tell Scar. It was too dark of a secret. "Well. I can tell you something but I'm scared it's too much."

Scar shook his head. "I don't care. Tell me."

"Okay. But if it gets to be too much, tell me to stop." Grian took a deep breath in, exhaling slowly. "When I was in high school I won this award in an art show. I was really proud of myself. I thought my dad would be too. He wasn't. He told me to stop wasting my time on useless things. He threw away all my art. I tried to get it back, but he brought it all into the backyard, lit a match, and burned everything."

"Grian." Scar stroked a finger along his hand.

"And after that. I um." Grian could feel himself getting choked up. His vision clouded with the threat of tears. "I tried to take my own life."

Scar took in a sudden, sharp breath. Grian gasped as he looked over and saw a tear slip from Scar's eye. "Oh no! Scar I'm sorry! I told you it was too much."

Scar shook his head. "It's not too much. I just." He swallowed. "I just thought of a world where you weren't here and I-"

Another tear fell down his face. "God, Scar, don't cry. I'm sorry. Please." Grian desperately tried to wipe his tears away. "Just forget about it, okay? It's not that big of a deal. I didn't go through with it, see? I'm here. I'm right here."

"I know you are. I know. But I can't forget that." Scar took his opposite hand and stroked Grian's cheek. "Thank God you didn't go through with it. I'm so glad you are here."

Grian let out a sad chuckle. "I feel like this is the first time anyone was this grateful that I'm alive."

Scar smiled. "I am grateful that you are alive. So grateful."

"Thank you." Grian didn't want to cry. It would send them both into a spiral of tears, he was sure. "That's my secret. I never told anyone about that."

"Thank you for telling me." Scar placed his hand on Grian's back. "Can I. Um. Can we be closer?"

Grian felt his heart thud irregularly in his chest at the mere suggestion. He couldn't get closer to Scar than this. The boundary. He…

"Okay." Grian whispered.

Scar moved Grian in closer to his body. Their legs were touching, chest to chest. Grian wrapped his arms around Scar, burying his head into Scar's neck. He was so warm. Scar gripped the back of Grian’s t-shirt tightly, almost like he was afraid to let go. Through the light fabric of the shirt and Scar's bare chest, Grian could feel Scar's heartbeat, a little quick but settling into an easy, steady rhythm.

"Let's try to sleep." Scar's voice tickled his ear, blowing his hair back.

Grian nodded, sinking into Scar warmth, letting sleep take him away. It came easier than he thought it would. He felt so safe in Scar's arms and he knew Scar was safe too. Not a single dream came to him the rest of the night as he slumbered in Scar's arms.

Chapter Text

A loud ringing pulled Grian from sleep. He groaned as he was jostled, someone turning the alarm off, the peaceful silence returning.

"Grian." A soft voice. "Grian, I have to get up."

"Nooooo…" Grian didn't want to get up, nor did he want the warm body next to him to leave. He clung tighter.

"You can stay in my bed but I have to go to work." The voice continued.

"Stay with me." Grian gently rubbed his head against him. "Please."

"God, I wish..." A yearning whisper. A hand carding through his hair, nails scratching at his scalp.

Oh wait.

Grian's memories started to fade back into place. The warm body next to him was Scar. He was in Scar's bed. He spent the night cuddled in Scar's arms.

"Ah!" Grian pulled away from Scar, shooting up into a sitting position. "Scar!"

"Good morning gorgeous!" Scar shifted to his side so he was leaning on one arm. The sheets on top of him slipped away, showing his bare chest. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes." Grian covered his face with both hands. He really snuggled up to Scar all night. And that was after Grian had the most personal conversation he had ever had with anyone in his entire life. Why had he admitted such a secret to Scar? Oh no. "I'll go start your coffee for you."

Scar chuckled. "Thank you Grian."

Grian got up from Scar's bed, his feet hitting the cool hardwood, making him shiver. Normally he wasn't a big fan of the heat and preferred the cold, but Scar's warmth was different. He could sink into Scar's heat forever. He had indulged a bit too much already though. He shouldn't have interrupted Scar's precious sleeping time! What had he been thinking last night?

Clearly he hadn't been thinking at all!

Grian hurried into the kitchen and started the coffee pot. He was sure that things would be fine between him and Scar, probably. Scar liked close physical contact, so Grian sleeping next to him wasn't such a big deal at all. It wasn't even the first time Scar had slept beside him. It was the first time someone had held Grian like that for an entire night.

Oh. Grian really wanted to be held like that again. To be close to someone, feeling absolutely safe and comfortable. He had fallen asleep too quickly. He wanted Scar's arms around him again and he wanted to enjoy it. He really wished Scar didn't have to go to work and that they could both crawl back into bed together.

What was he even thinking? Grian could never do something so foolish again.

The floor creaked behind him. Grian turned to see Scar walking out of his room, only wearing a pair of shorts. Grian could hear the coffee pot percolating behind him as Scar walked until he was standing mere inches from Grian.

"You know." Scar smirked, leaning in closer to Grian.

"Huh?" Grian took a step back, his back cutting into the edge of the counter. A sudden fear hit him. What if Scar wanted to talk more about last night? What if what he told him changed things between them?

A million different "what ifs" ran through Grian's mind, Scar's hand reaching closer towards his side…

Scar reached directly past him and tapped on cheap plastic. "The coffee pot works better if you use coffee grounds."

Grian turned slowly and saw that he had in fact missed a very important step in making coffee. The coffee part. "Oh no."

"It's okay. I'll use the hot water to make tea instead." Scar hadn't backed off from Grian at all, hovering rather close, reaching above Grian to pull out a cup from the cabinet. Grian didn’t miss the way his abs flexed as his arms lifted up. "I'm a bit surprised, Grian."

"That I forgot how to make coffee, apparently?" Grian gulped as Scar took a step backwards.

Scar shook his head. "No, that you are wandering around in just a t-shirt."

Grian looked down at himself. He was wearing only a t-shirt. It wasn't even that long, it barely hid his underwear. He didn't let people see this much of him. Never. Yet somehow, it being Scar who saw him like this made it okay? Scar walked around half naked all the time anyway.

"Oh. Well I slept next to you like this. I guess it's not a big deal." Grian shrugged it off, even though he could still remember the feeling of his legs against Scar's bare legs. He gulped, trying not to show how flustered he suddenly felt. "I mean together we have almost enough clothes for a whole outfit."

Scar laughed. God, what a wonderful noise that was. "True. I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to walk around like this."

"Me too." Grian grinned. The awkwardness he had felt upon waking up faded into the back of his mind. Scar wasn't making a big deal about what happened, so why should he? Scar wasn't likely to start treating him differently nor would he ask uncomfortable questions. Everything would be fine.

Grian turned away, reaching up into the cabinet to get his own cup. He felt his t-shirt lifting up in the back so he pulled it down with one hand. Scar hadn't seen anything, had he? Grian turned back around, holding the mug in both hands. "I'll join you for some tea."

"Awesome! A morning tea party." Scar walked towards the other cabinet to retrieve the tea.

Grian chuckled to himself. It really was the best living with Scar. He was so happy.

It totally hadn't taken Grian all day to pick out an outfit to wear when he went out with Scar. Totally. Just most of the day.

Grian wasn't even sure why he was so worried about it in the first place. It was just dinner and it wasn't like Scar hadn't seen Grian wearing ratty old sweatpants and a sweater most days. Grian just wanted to be fancy for once! Was that a crime?

He finally decided on wearing his sweater over a button down shirt, the white collar poking out. Fancy! He put on a pair of gray slacks. So fancy. Grian attempted to fix his bird's nest hair but gave up. There was no fixing that. He was dressed! The fanciest man in all the lands!

No this was stupid. Why was he trying to look nice? It wasn't like this was a date or anything.

A date.

Ahahaha.

Grian needed to get changed immediately! This was far too nice of an outfit to wear to a normal meal out with a friend! Or was it? He ran to his closet, pulling out different sweaters, trying to decide what to wear. Nothing was good! It was either too nice or too casual! Why didn't he have any normal looking sweaters! All he strived to be in life was normal!

"Grian." Scar was standing in his doorway, leaning on the frame. "What are you doing?"

"Um." Grian was holding several sweaters, a few more strewn across his shoulders. "Getting dressed."

"I don't think it would be wise to wear so many sweaters." Scar chuckled, which turned into a yawn.

"I'm just going to wear one!" Grian started to hang the excess sweaters back in the closet. "Are you okay? Did I keep you up too late last night?"

"I'm fine. I'm looking forward to our date." Scar smirked.

"It's not. It's not a date!" Grian threw his arms in the air, sweaters falling to the ground around him. Of course Scar would tease him about it being a date!

"No. Of course not. I'll go get changed." Scar wandered out of the room.

Grian frowned to himself. Maybe he did want it to be a date. For real. Wouldn't that imply that he liked Scar? He also thought about kissing him. A lot. Was this a crush? Or something? Hmmm. He had felt similar to this when he liked BigB.

Well maybe Grian was just being silly. He didn't like Scar, in a romantic sense. He just loved the way he looked. He wished he could be so masculine. Yeah. His feelings were getting all mixed up. There was no way that Grian had a crush on Scar.

Grian finished hanging his sweaters back up. He didn't really have time to get changed, so he was going with his original outfit.

He headed out into the living room just in time to see Scar heading out of his room. He was wearing a black button down shirt, but this one had a bright red heart over the pocket. He had unbuttoned it an almost obscene amount but Grian didn't expect anything else from him at this point. He also had black pants on. The pants were tighter than what he usually wore. Grian looked him up and down, god, it was unfair that someone could be this attractive.

"Do I look okay?" Scar twirled so that Grian could get a good look at him from all angles.

"You are the most handsome man I've ever seen." Grian sighed. "It's a little frustrating, honestly. Give me some of your good looks."

"Maybe you should sleep with me again." Scar winked at him. "My good looks might rub off on you."

"I don't think that's how it works." Not that Grian needed an excuse for wanting to sleep in Scar's bed.

"You won't know unless you try." Scar crossed the room, standing in front of Grian. He reached down and straightened out his collar. "I think you are good looking anyway, you might become too powerful if you get any better looking."

"I'll be too beautiful to even look at." Grian laughed. "In any case, is there any place in particular you want to eat at?"

Scar shrugged. "I'm okay with anything."

Grian had no idea what he wanted either. Maybe he should've thought about that instead of panicking over his outfit all day.

"Why don't we go walk downtown and see if there is anything we like?" Grian started for the door.

"Sounds good to me. Be good while we are gone, Jellie!" Scar called back into the apartment. With that, they set off to find the perfect place to eat.

They made their way into the main section of the city, walking at leisurely pace, trying to find a place to eat. As they were walking down the main street, Grian saw a shock of pink hair up ahead. He only knew one person with hair like that. "Lizzie?"

Scar looked ahead, waving an arm in the air. "Lizzie! And. Um? Pearl!"

"Pearl?" Grian hadn't noticed his sister standing slightly behind Lizzie at first. She waved timidly at them.

Scar cheerfully walked up to them. "Why hello there! Beautiful day, isn't it?"

"Indeed! Are you two out on a date?" Lizzie looked at Grian with a mischievous smile. Grian frowned at her.

"Oh, Grian gets mad when you call it that." Scar shook his head. "We are on a not date."

Grian ran a hand over his face. Why was everyone like this? "We are just out to get dinner. What are you two doing on this side of the city?"

"Pearl wanted to go to the nail salon." Lizzie held up her hands, showing off perfectly polished pink nails, adorned with rhinestones.

"Oh!" Scar grabbed Lizzie's hand, admiring her nails. "Grian, can I get my nails done?"

"Yeah sure. We can go to the pharmacy and you can pick out some polish. I'll paint your nails for you." It was so expensive to get nails done professionally! Grian could do it. He was an artist after all.

Scar dropped Lizzie's hand, turning towards Grian. "You'll paint my nails? What a treat!"

"Don't get too excited about it." Grian noticed how Pearl, who hadn't said a word thus far, instead staying halfway hidden behind Lizzie, was whispering something to her. Lizzie's eyes went wide.

"What are you two gossiping about?" Grian looked Pearl dead in the eyes. He couldn't even imagine but knowing Pearl it was likely something embarrassing.

"Nothing." Pearl giggled.

"Nothing at all." Lizzie motioned for Scar to come closer. "Scar, Grian had the most interesting dream about you-"

"No!" Grian had completely forgotten about that, he had told Pearl about his dream yesterday. "Don't you dare!"

Lizzie took a step back, placing her hands on her hips. "I just think Scar might be curious. I mean, dreaming about that."

"Don't you dare tell him." Grian would die of embarrassment.

"You can't stop me." Lizzie stuck out her tongue, turning back to Scar. "So in his dream, apparently you told Grian-"

"Stop!" Grian put his hands over Lizzie's face. This is what he got for telling his sibling a secret! "If you tell Scar I will make Joel the lewdest Shrek artwork you can possibly imagine. And have it printed on a shirt."

Lizzie gasped as Grian removed his hands. "You wouldn't dare."

"I would!" Grian definitely would.

"Fine." Lizzie crossed her arms against her chest. "You can keep your secrets. I'll text you later Scar. We should be getting back home."

"Don't text him about it either!" Grian yelled.

"I won't. I'm terrified of how sexy you can make Shrek look." Lizzie shuddered. "Oh, but before we go, Grian, you need to come over and visit. Joel keeps playing Mario Kart because, and I quote, he has to beat you at a video game to prove he's the better man. So come play a stupid game with him so he'll stop."

"Oh. I can do that." Grian had almost forgotten about that too. Apparently Joel hadn't, which was hilarious.

"Hermes wants to see you too." Lizzie said. "Both of you. Can you come over this weekend?"

"Yes!" Scar said before Grian could even agree. "I've wanted to see your house Lizzie! You keep texting me pictures of your cat and your house looks so cool."

"It is cool. I'll text you the address later. Farewell!" Lizzie did a dramatic turn, taking a giggling Pearl with her.

"Bye! Have a wonderful time!" Scar waved after them. "Oh Grian! They have a dog too! I can't wait to pet them."

"That does sound fun. Jellie might get jealous if you start petting other animals." Grian laughed, taking out his phone to text Pearl while they were walking.

Grian: How dare you tell Lizzie about my dream
Pearl: Was it supposed to be a secret?
Grian: This means war!
Pearl: :P

Grian put his phone back into his pocket. Half listening to Scar ramble on about bringing Jellie on a play date. Mostly he was thinking of ways to get revenge on Pearl.

That's when he noticed a sign board in front of a Cafe. It read, "Special Discount for couples!" and was decorated by pink hearts.

"Look Scar!" Grian pointed at the sign. "Discount!"

"Oh!" Scar's smile turned much wider. "We can pretend to be a couple! Defraud the restaurant!"

"Yay! Fraud!" Grian linked arms with Scar, he was glad he was on the same page. "We're a couple now."

Chapter Text

Arms linked, Grian entered the Cafe with Scar. Inside, the Cafe had a cozy feel. There were potted plants in various places, but that's not what really caught Grian's eye. The walls were lined with bookshelves. There were probably hundreds of books. Wow, this place was nice. He could imagine coming in here on a rainy day, sipping coffee while reading and listening to the downpour. Not that he really read books, but that's the atmosphere he felt.

Several couples were in fact already sitting at various tables. Grian didn't really get a good look at them because the host came up to them. "For two?"

"Yes!" Scar grinned, leaning into Grian. "We are on a date."

"Yup." Grian agreed. "A date. So we get the couple's discount."

"Of course. Would you prefer a booth or a table?" The host asked.

"A booth would be nice." At least the seats looked comfortable in the booths. Somehow sitting on a hard chair did not really appeal to Grian. "Is that okay with you, Scar?"

"Of course my little songbird." Scar smiled at him. Ah. That was a cute nickname. Grian felt his heart flutter slightly.

The host led them to a booth. Just as Grian was about to sit down he noticed that one of the other couples at this Cafe looked very familiar.

"Grian and Scar?" Jimmy waved at them from where he was sitting with Tango.

"Hello!" Scar waved back. "We are on a date, we can't talk right now."

Oh God. Grian couldn't even disagree or else he'd blow their cover. He had to get the special discount. He would explain it to them later.

"Have fun you two!" Tango winked at Scar.

Grian quickly sat down in the booth, trying to pretend this wasn't happening. No. Wait. It was fine! This was a game and Grian was going to win. Scar went to sit down across from him, but Grian pulled on his sleeve. "Sit next to me, honey."

"If you insist." Scar sat beside him, hooking his cane on the end of the table.

"Someone will be right with you to take your order." The host placed down menus in front of them before walking away.

Grian took a deep breath. This was fine. Of course someone Grian knew was here, out of all the places in the whole city. Of course it was right when he was pulling a scam. Of course-

"Sunshine." Scar put an arm around Grian's shoulder. "You look stressed."

"Me? Stressed?" Grian twitched slightly as he grinned. "I've never once been stressed in my entire life."

"Right." Scar squeezed Grian's shoulder. "You are the e-pit. Epittance. Imp-ten-a-me-"

"Epitome?" Grian tried.

"Yes! The epitome of relaxation." Scar grinned. "That's a hard word."

"It is, light of my life. Now let's decide what we want to eat." Grian opened his menu, looking over what was offered. It was a little hard to think with Scar's hand lingering on his shoulder. He was trying to concentrate too hard because he didn't even notice when the server came over.

"Hello, I'm Tara, I'll be your server today." The server said, a young person wearing their salmon pink hair up in a side ponytail. "Have you decided what you would like to order?"

"I'd like a coffee and a hamburger, please." Scar closed the menu. "Have you decided, Grian?"

"Oh. Um." Panic! Order something! "I'll take the same?"

The server chuckled. "Alright. I'll go get that coffee for you. Your order will be out in a few minutes." They walked away.

"Grian." Scar turned his head to look at him. "I don't think you are acting like we are dating."

"I am!" Grian pouted. He could do better. He put on his most sultry voice as he placed a hand on Scar's chest. "I got lost in my thoughts thinking about last night."

"Oh my." Scar smirked at him.

The server returned, stopping the conversation before it got too embarrassing. "Here you go boys." They poured coffee for them both.

"Thanks." Grian took his mug, immediately adding in sugar and creamer.

Scar moved his arm so he could fix his own coffee. He took a sideways glance at Grian. "Did you really enjoy sleeping with me last night?"

Was that a real question or a part of their pretend to be a couple game? Actually, it didn't matter. Time for a new game. Make Scar flustered!

"Well." Grian leaned on his elbow, trying to give Scar the softest smile he could. "It was amazing, actually. I wished we could've stayed in bed all day together."

"Really." Scar ran a finger alongside the rim of his mug. "I was so close to calling Cub and telling him I was sick. Then we could've spent the whole day together. Although I can't promise that the only thing I would've done is cuddle you in that case."

Grian felt his face heating up. "Oh. Yeah. That, um, that wasn't the only thing I had on my mind either." Grian screamed internally. This was very difficult. Scar made him flustered way too easily. He had to try harder to fluster Scar. "Just like those dreams I have about you."

Scar's voice lowered to a barely audible whisper as he replied, "Really?"

Grian could tell that Scar was at least a little flustered. Oh, he could really get Scar good now. He placed his hand under Scar's chin, getting him to look at him as he breathed out, "I want you, Scar."

Scar's eyes went wide as his breath hitched. "G-grian."

"Here's your order." The server placed the hamburgers on the table.

"Ah!" Grian pulled away from Scar so fast he nearly got whiplash. "Thank you!"

"If you need anything else just let me know." The server walked away with a smile.

Across the Cafe, Grian could see Jimmy and Tango looking at him with self-satisfied smirks. Oh no. He had taken things way too far again. As usual. "S-sorry Scar." Grian picked up his hamburger, trying to decide where to take a bite from. It seemed too large to fit in his mouth.

"Why are you sorry?" Scar looked directly down at his hamburger.

"I took it too far. Again." Grian took a bite from the side, although he mostly got bun.

"It's not too far." Scar took a bite of his own burger, chewing slowly. Neither one of them spoke for several seconds. Scar swallowed. He paused again before speaking in a slow, careful way. "What did you dream about?"

"Oh." Grian swallowed a bit too much, his throat hurting. He banged on his chest, clearing his throat. Scar hardly ever asked him questions like that. It surprised him. "I don't think you want to know."

"I want to know." Scar tilted his head as he looked at Grian with some sort of desperation. "You told Pearl and Lizzie."

"I didn't tell Lizzie. Pearl told Lizzie." Grian frowned. "I didn't even tell Pearl the whole thing. She got the entirely wrong idea."

"I want to know." Scar's voice was much deeper than normal. "I want to know what sorts of dreams you have about me."

Grian bit the inside of his cheek. He couldn't just tell Scar! Maybe he should lie. No, no, that wouldn't make anything better. Besides, Scar was asking him things. After the conversation they had last night, maybe they both should be more open with each other.

"Okay." Grian placed his hands in his lap, looking down at the table. "I've had this dream more than once. We are in the desert. At least I assume it's the desert. I can feel the heat at my back and the sand underneath me. I never really see it because I'm too focused on you."

Grian glanced over at Scar. Scar's face was unreadable. Why? Grian should just continue. "You are underneath me and I have my hands at your throat. You tell me it's okay. And that. Um. That you love me."

Grian felt like his face was on fire. He couldn't even look at Scar. He got this far into the story, he should finish it. "I can't answer your words, I want to, but I can't. I don't have the words to answer you with. Then the light goes out in your eyes and in a final act of desperation, I lean over and kiss you. You don't kiss me back. It's too late, you're dead, my hands are covered in blood and you're dead."

Grian felt like his whole body was trembling. He really told Scar all that. He finally got the nerve to look over at Scar. He was holding a hand to his mouth, his face a ghostly white. "Scar?"

"I um. I need to use the bathroom." Scar grabbed his cane, standing up.

"Wait!" Grian panicked, trying to stop Scar from leaving, grabbing onto the back of his shirt.

"Grian." Scar was short with his words, the few words he said as sharp as daggers. "Let go."

Grian felt so shocked that he let him go. He watched as Scar's form disappeared into the bathroom. Oh no.

Oh no.

He definitely shouldn't have told Scar about that dream.

Grian felt like every nerve in his body was on fire as he leaned on the table, holding his head in both his hands, trying to blink back tears that burned his eyes. Why did he tell him all that? No wonder Scar ran away, he must be horrified that Grian was having such morbid dreams about him, not to mention the kissing part. He must be disgusted, he probably hated Grian-

"Grian."

Grian looked up and saw Tango by his side. Jimmy was hovering right behind him. Tango placed a hand on his shoulder. "Did you have a fight with Scar?"

Why did Tango and Jimmy have to be here? This was already mortifying enough. Why did his friends have to see him like this? "It's fine. Don't worry." Grian hissed between his teeth.

"Grian." Tango sat down beside him. "It's not fine if you're upset."

"It's my fault anyway. I told Scar something he definitely didn't want to hear. I knew better." Grian grabbed the edge of the table, trying not to let a single tear slip from his eyes. "I knew I shouldn't have told him but I did it anyway. I'm such an idiot."

Tango looked at Jimmy. Jimmy shrugged but replied anyway, "Grian, you are an idiot, that's true."

"Hey!" Grian looked up at him.

"But!" Jimmy held up a finger. "I'm sure that whatever you told Scar just shocked him a bit. Just give him a minute, alright. You guys are a good couple, I'm sure you'll work through this."

"Yeah. A good couple." Grian laughed nervously. Before he could say anything else, he saw Scar heading back from the bathroom. His face wasn't nearly as pale, his eyes definitely looked a bit red though.

"What's going on?" Scar slowly walked over. He looked at Grian and grimaced. "Er. Are you okay?"

"Fine. Fine." Grian ran a hand over his face. "Everything's fine!"

Tango stood up, motioning for Scar to sit. "Alright you two love birds, we'll leave you be."

"I'll text you later." Jimmy walked away with Tango.

Grian took a deep breath. "Are you okay, Scar?"

"Yes. Sorry." Scar reached over, taking Grian's hand and grasping it within his own.

Why was he apologizing? "Did my dream upset you?" Grian creased his brow.

"Well." Scar looked at their connected hands. "It's not like it upset me. Er. Grian, can I ask you something?"

"Okay?" Grian could feel how Scar was trembling. Scar was obviously lying. He was bothered by the dream. There was no way he wasn't upset, he ran away the second he heard it. He must despise Grian now and he didn't want to make a scene.

"No. I don't think I can talk to you." He let go of Grian’s hand. Grian's hand felt freezing at the sudden lack of warmth. "Let's eat and go home."

It felt like Grian had been stabbed through his heart with an icicle. "Okay," he murmured, picking up his burger. Not that he could enjoy it with what felt like a frozen heart. Even with Scar right beside him, he felt like an immeasurable rift had formed between them. They ate in utter silence, Grian couldn't even hear Scar chewing.

Jimmy and Tango left with a simple wave. The server brought over the bill. They had given them the couples discount. Grian almost laughed bitterly but bit his tongue.

Once they went home, Grian locked himself in his room.

That night, Grian couldn't sleep. His mind kept going over different possible outcomes. If he had done one thing differently, maybe things wouldn't be like this now.

He stupidly wondered if he hadn't apologized for saying he wanted Scar if they might be in bed together right now. If he hadn't told Scar his dream, Scar might still want him in his arms. Grian rolled over onto his side, tightly gripping his sheets. He wanted to be held by Scar again. He wanted it so badly it felt like a physical ache.

He couldn't go and see Scar right now. He couldn't. Scar said he didn't want to talk to him. The icicles that had pierced his chest had melted and now he felt entirely empty.

Eventually, despite his busy thoughts, Grian fell asleep.

He dreamed of battle.

The desert, a bunker rigged to blow. Grian was allied with Scott and Jimmy, but that didn't matter. What mattered was Scar. He had to stay alive. Grian made sure he was safely tucked away, ready to pull the trigger and kill all their enemies.

It always was them against the world.

The battle was chaos.

The red king went charging in. Scott was killed by Etho. Scar pulled the trigger far too late and explosions rang out around them. Dazed and nearly dead, Grian fell into lava. He was certain that was his end, but water came from somewhere. The relief he felt was short-lived.

An arrow came from the King's right hand man, piercing Grian. He didn't have time to process the dizzying pain before his body fell to the ground and his green life ended.

Grian woke up in his bed. His real bed, not the one in his dreams. He woke up and felt tears falling from his eyes.

Right.

If he wasn't green anymore, he had no reason to stick by Scar. He didn't have to protect him anymore.

It was just a dream, but Grian felt like he had lost everything.

Chapter Text

Jimmy: Grian answer me
Grian: what
Jimmy: Oh you finally answered
Jimmy: What's going on with you and your boyfriend?
Grian: we aren't dating
Jimmy: Bro
Jimmy: Bro, really?
Jimmy: I thought you were about to jump his bones in the middle of the cafe
Grian: it was a grift!
Grian: we wanted the couple's discount
Jimmy: Seriously. Grian.
Jimmy: You felt him up when we were playing truth or dare too
Grian: im not responsible for what drunk grian does
Grian: and that doesn't mean we are dating!
Jimmy: Okay whatever weird relationship you have going on
Jimmy: What happened?
Grian: are you going to gossip?
Jimmy: No I wouldn't dare!
Grian: nothing is really going on
Grian: i told scar about a dream i had about him and im pretty sure he hates me now
Jimmy: What kind of dream would cause that sort of reaction?
Grian: its complicated
Grian: id rather not get into it
Jimmy: Okay
Jimmy: Did Scar say he hates you?
Grian: no?
Jimmy: Grian if he didn't say that why would you think that?
Jimmy: You shouldn't put words into other people's mouths.
Grian: ???
Jimmy: Have you talked to Scar about any of this?
Grian: ive been hiding in my room
Jimmy: How mature of you
Grian: 😑
Jimmy: Don't shoot the messenger
Jimmy: Go talk to Scar and see how he really feels
Grian: he's ignoring me
Grian: he told me not to talk to him
Jimmy: Then be the bigger man
Jimmy: You know I went through a rather messy breakup with Scott
Jimmy: I learned a very important lesson about open and honest communication from that
Jimmy: Sometimes talking can be the difference between keeping a relationship and losing it
Grian: oh no Timmy is giving me advice
Grian: is this the lowest point of my life?
Jimmy: Just go talk to Scar!
Grian: okay im going right now

Grian placed his phone down on his bed. Jimmy was probably right, as much as he hated to admit it. It was a little difficult to talk to Scar at the moment. Ever since they got back from the cafe Scar hadn't said a single word to Grian. Grian had been locked in his room most of that time, but his point still stands. Although, maybe Scar would be more open to talking to him now that some time had passed. Then they could laugh this whole thing off. Grian just wanted things to go back to normal.

He took a deep breath, his bed creaking as he got up. The painting of the desert was sitting on the easel. While alone, Grian had worked on it, the image coming into clearer view. Looking at it brought a raw ache to his heart, but he couldn't look away. His eyes stayed upon the canvas until he passed by it. He opened his bedroom door-

"Grian!" Scar jumped up into the air.

"Scar?" Grian put a hand to his chest. "What are you doing right outside my door?"

"Er." Scar glanced in several different directions. "I wanted to talk to you."

"Oh?" How long had he been out there for? Grian felt relieved. Scar wasn’t trying to ignore him anymore. The last few times Grian left his room Scar hadn't said a single word to him. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Well. I was texting Lizzie. Did you want to go to her house today?"

"Um." Grian hadn't expected that. Didn't Scar want to talk about his reaction to the dream? Or anything else? No? Maybe Grian should be grateful that Scar was talking to him at all. "Sure. That's fine."

"Okay. I'll message her." Scar started to type away on his phone, not looking at Grian. "She said she'll be here in about an hour."

Scar started to walk away.

It felt like Grian was losing Scar all over again, just like his dreams, a promise fulfilled and a loss of the one person he wanted the most.

Grian couldn't leave things like this! "Wait. Scar. Can we talk for a moment?"

"Sure." Scar paused, glancing at Grian.

"I know you said you didn't want to talk when we were at the cafe, but we can't keep doing this. Do you hate me for the dream I had? Do you never want to talk again?" Grian tried to prevent the tears from coming, despite the heavy feeling in his chest.

"Grian." Scar looked at the floor, kicking at it slightly with his feet. "I don't think it's possible for me to hate you."

"Then what's going on?" Grian wanted to reach out to Scar, to touch him. To feel anything but this empty pain in his chest.

"I'm sorry. I gave the wrong impression. I must've hurt you so much. It's hard for me to talk about this. I'm not sure I can even say it without sounding like I've lost my mind." Scar clenched his fists, still not looking at Grian. "I think we are having the same dreams."

"The same dreams?" Grian narrowed his eyes on the floor. "You dream of the desert too?"

"Yes." Scar nodded. "I had the same dream you had, although it ended before the, er. The kiss. Well. I don't know how to explain it, but we are having the same dreams."

"Hmmm." That did sound crazy, but Grian didn't think Scar was lying either. "It might be because of the game? I swear my dreams mirror your video game sometimes. Maybe we're both working too hard on it and it's appearing in our dreams?"

"Maybe." Scar bit his lip, throwing his hands up in the air. "I'm sorry. I was avoiding you for some dumb reason! I'm so stupid!"

"You aren't stupid, Scar." Grian walked up closer towards him. "I completely understand why that might be something you were afraid to talk about. It does sound a little nutty. But I'm not going to judge you for it, okay? Let's, uh, let's communicate more openly from now on."

"I'll try." Scar chuckled. "I should've known you wouldn't judge me. I'm sorry for not talking with you sooner." Scar finally looked at Grian’s face, traces of tenderness lining his smile. "I missed you."

Grian closed any distance between them and wrapped Scar in a hug. He was happy when he felt Scar's arms wrap around him in turn. In his arms, Grian felt all the warmth he had been missing return. "I missed you so much, Scar. Let's never do that again, okay? I can't stand not talking to you."

"Okay." Scar rubbed his back. "We should probably get ready to go now."

"Oh right." Grian let go of Scar. "I'm going to beat Joel at video games. I'll show him!"

"I'm sure you will." Scar laughed, ruffling Grian's hair.

Grian was so happy that things were back to normal. At least it wasn't something too serious, although he could see why Scar might be freaked out if they were having similar dreams. None of that really mattered at the moment though, as long as they weren't arguing anymore. Grian left to go get dressed, smiling for the first time in days.

"Shotgun!" Grian ran up to Lizzie's car. He hardly ever got to ride in the car, he wasn't going to sit in the back.

"But Grian." Scar walked behind him. "I have such long legs. I should sit in the front."

"I called it." Grian leaned against the car door.

"I'll give you a present if you let me sit up front." Scar sauntered up to him. "You can touch my chest for as long as you like."

"That's not a present!" Grian glared back at him.

The car alarm went off, a loud blaring noise that made Grian jump about a foot in the air. He bumped into Scar, who steadied him with his hands.

"You two." Lizzie walked up to them, turning off the alarm. "You will both sit in the back."

"No fair." Grian cried. "I called it!"

"It's my car, my rules." Lizzie unlocked the doors. "Get in the back."

"Fine!" Grian grumbled as he opened the back door. Hermes's booster seat was back there, so Grian had no choice but to sit in the center seat, objectively the worst seat.

Scar slid in next to him, handing Grian his cane as he buckled himself in. "My legs are so cramped."

"No complaints!" Lizzie started the car.

"Fine." Scar crossed his arms against his chest as he huffed. "I better get to pet Meri and Buddy so much."

"Yes, yes, you can give them many scritches…"

Grian zoned out a bit as Scar and Lizzie chatted. He was glad that things were back to normal between him and Scar, but he couldn't stop thinking about what Scar had said about them having the same dreams. If they really were, what did that even mean? He had shrugged it off as a coincidence but he couldn't stop thinking about it anyway. It felt like it meant something.

Ah. But if they were having the same dreams, did that mean that Scar actually loved him? No, no, that was stupid. They had only known each other a month! People don't fall in love that fast. It was just a dream. Just a silly dream that crushed Grian's chest when he thought about it.

Grian stared out the window to take his mind off things. The car traveled through the city into the more suburban areas like where Keralis and Grian’s family lived. Then they went out a bit further, the houses got bigger. Lizzie turned down a long driveway leading up to a huge house.

Wait. What. Grian hadn't given it much thought, but was Lizzie rich? This looked like a rich people house. It was just a few steps away from being a straight up mansion.

They all exited the car. Grian looked up at the house in awe. It must be nice to live in a house like this. He bet they could put things up on the walls without worrying about a lease agreement. And their own washer and dryer! Imagine. Maybe even a dishwasher! Grian had to go look at the kitchen… It had been so long since he lived in a house with a dishwasher, he hated doing dishes by hand. It always made his hands smell like sponge.

Lizzie opened the front door, ushering Grian and Scar inside. She called down the front hallway, "We're back."

There was the sound of thunderous footsteps. Grian might’ve thought it was an elephant, but appearing out of the front room was Hermes, wearing the biggest smile Grian had ever seen. "Uncle Grian! Uncle Scar!"

"Hello Hermes." Grian smiled. It was endearing that the child was so excited to see him. "How have you been?"

"Good!" Hermes reached and grabbed Grian’s hand. "You gotta see my art!"

"Oh? Have you been drawing? I want to see." Grian felt himself being tugged into the living room.

Lizzie smiled, "I was going to give you a house tour, but I suppose that can wait. Why don't you go hang out with Hermes and I'll show Scar our pets."

"Okay." Grian let himself be dragged away as he chuckled.

The living room was spacious. There was a very large couch, a TV so big it reminded him of the screens in a movie theater, and even a fireplace. Joel was sitting on the couch, a game of Mario Kart playing on the TV. He seemed to be concentrating really hard.

"Hello Joel." Grian sat down at the coffee table covered with papers and crayons.

"Grian. My worst enemy." Joel didn't look away from the screen. "I hope you are prepared for our battle."

"Sure thing, Joel." Grian laughed. "Let me play with your son first."

"Sure, sure, delay the inevitable." Joel furiously clicked the buttons on the controller. Grian was pretty sure you didn't need to press that many to play Mario Kart.

"Look!" Hermes held up a piece of paper. "I used a reference!"

Grian took the paper, looking over it. There were frogs drawn across the page. The images were childish but still clearly frogs. Hermes had been practicing quite a bit. "You've drawn so many friends! These are wonderful frogs.”

"Yeah!" Hermes giggled. "I added them to my brain library."

Grian grinned. Considering how he used to dread talking to children out of fear of influencing them in some bad way, he couldn't be happier. He felt like he had actually helped Hermes. It made him want to sing from joy.

"That's amazing! I'm really proud of you bud." Grian picked up a crayon. "Can you show me how you draw a frog?"

"You want me to teach you?" Hermes' eyes went wide.

"Yes, please." Grian nodded his head.

"Yay!" Hermes picked up a blank paper. "So this is how you do it."

Grian watched as Hermes drew the frog, following along on his own piece of paper. He quickly lost track of time, doodling along with Hermes.

"Hey Grian?" Joel stood up from the couch, stretching his arms over his head. "Did you want a beer?"

"Oh? Sure." If he was here he might as well relax with a drink.

"I'll be right back." Joel stepped out of the room.

"Hey. Uncle Grian." Hermes whispered as soon as Joel was out of sight. "Where do babies come from?"

"Aaah?" Grian's eyes grew wide. "Um. I think you should ask your daddy that."

"I did." Hermes put his crayon down. "He said that he and Daddy Sausage loved each other so much they made me."

"Well that is basically how it works." Grian wanted to run far away from this conversation.

"Yeah. But. On TV and stuff they always have a mommy. I have two daddies."

"Oh." Was that what he was concerned about? Grian had no idea what the circumstances of Hermes' birth were, but it didn't really matter. "It doesn't have to be a mommy and daddy. It can be two daddies or two mommies or anything else, really."

"So you and Uncle Scar can have a baby?" Hermes asked.

"Sure." Not that Grian ever wanted children. Probably. "Technically we can have a child."

"Wow." Hermes' eyes sparkled. Why was he getting all excited? Did he want a cousin to play with or something?

Joel entered back into the living room, followed by Sausage. Sausage waved at Grian, "Hello! Long time no see!"

"Hello Sausage." Grian took a beer from Joel and cracked it open. "How have you been?"

"Good, good." Sausage looked down at Hermes. "Hermes, let's go play with your Uncle Scar for a bit."

"Okay!" Hermes jumped up. "Guess what!"

"What?"

"Uncle Grian and Uncle Scar are having a baby!" Hermes said quite confidently.

"What?" Grian gasped.

"Wow! Congratulations!" Joel laughed as he clapped his hands.

"We are not! I just said we could!" Grian wanted to scream. Why was this child always getting the entirely wrong idea?

Sausage laughed as he reached for Hermes' hand. "Okay, let's go see Uncle Scar."

"Let's play more later!" Hermes waved as he left with Sausage.

"Now, Grian." Joel grinned and sat back down on the couch. "Are you prepared for the duel of a lifetime?"

"Sure thing Joel." Grian took a swig of beer as he sat down on the couch next to Joel. "I'm ready to beat your butt!"

"Okay, but I've been practicing. I've mastered these courses. I can match the best speedrun times. I am the ultimate Mario Karter." Joel handed Grian a controller. "I won't let you win so easily."

"You really think you can beat me." Grian scoffed. He looked at the buttons on the controller. Hmm. He shouldn't make the same mistake as he had last time. "How do you jump?"

Joel's mouth dropped wide open. "It's far worse than I could've ever imagined."

"Huh?"

"It's almost too easy." Joel scratched his chin. "Is it even worth it to beat someone so obviously inept? Yes. Yes it is." He looked Grian in the eyes as he gave Grian a sinister smile. "I'm going to enjoy this."

"You are way too cocky." Grian decided that he didn't even need to know the buttons. He would button mash his way to victory!

Joel shook his head. "Just pick your driver and let's do this."

Grian decided to be Luigi. Luigi was cool. On a motorcycle. Yeah. He was placed on some random course and a countdown started. Grian prepared himself, his fingers hovering over the buttons. Once it was time to start, he hit every button rapidly. His vehicle rammed into the side of the course.

"You are making me feel bad." Joel drove off ahead of him with ease. "Grian! Let's make a bet!"

"Okay." Grian drove back onto the track.

"Whoever loses has to do what the other one says!" Joel sounded a bit too gleeful.

"You're on!" Grian wasn't going to lose!

Grian lost in probably the most spectacular fashion imaginable. He hadn't finished even a single lap by the time Joel won. He clenched his teeth. "This was a practice round!"

"Ah. Said like a true younger sibling." Joel drank some of his beer.

"Pearl and I are the same age!" Grian guzzled down the rest of his beer. "I'm not going to lose again!"

He lost again.

Joel looked at him with almost pity. "How about this? If you can come in any place other than last, you win."

"Don't pity me! I'm just warming up." Grian tried to drink from his already empty can of beer. "I need more."

"Okay, okay." Joel smirked at him, standing up. "I haven't even told you what you have to do yet."

“You aren't going to win!” Why did Joel seem so pleased? Joel brought him more beer and they raced several more times, Grian losing each and every one.

Joel looked at his phone. "This is the last race, Grian. If you can't manage a place better than last, you'll have to," Joel paused for dramatic effect. "Kiss Scar."

"What?" Grian turned towards Joel. "I can't do that!"

"You better win then." Joel winked at him. "Get ready."

The race started. Grian grit his teeth, holding his controller tightly. He couldn't lose! He refused to lose! Somehow, by some miracle, as Grian held the controller in front of him, tilting his whole body as he took the turns, he managed to get out of last place. He was close to the finish too! He was going to do it! Then he wouldn't have to kiss Scar.

He wouldn't have to kiss Scar.

He wouldn't…

Grian drove off the nearest cliff. It took a few seconds for Lakitu to put him back on the track. Oh no. He lost the race.

"You threw." Joel's face brightened up as he put his controller down. "You threw the race!"

"What are you talking about?" Grian felt way too hot all of a sudden. "I'm just so bad at video games." He chuckled nervously.

"I can't believe your desire to kiss Scar was stronger than your pride." Joel patted Grian's shoulder. "Don't worry. I won't tell him. You can kiss Scar and pretend it's all because of a lost bet!"

"I didn't lose on purpose!" Grian tossed his controller onto the couch. "I would never lose on purpose!"

"Right." Joel rolled his eyes.

Grian didn't bother to debate with him further because he heard voices coming down the hallway. Scar and Lizzie entered the living room. Grian couldn't help the smile that he made upon seeing Scar.

"Scar!" Grian bounced off the couch and onto his feet.

"Hello Grian." Scar looked upon him fondly. "Did you have fun with Joel?"

"Yeah. I lost at Mario Kart eleven times in a row."

"Wow! I got to pet Meri and Buddy! Lizzie also painted my nails." Scar held up his hands.

"Aw." Grian looked upon the rainbow of color Lizzie had painted his nails. "I wanted to paint your nails."

"You can do it next time."

"Grian." Joel stood up, lurking behind Grian. "The bet."

"Oh. Um. Right." Grian scratched the back of his head. "It's uh. Since I lost at Mario Kart I have to do what Joel says and he wants me to kiss you. I won't do it if you say no, but…"

"Grian," Scar placed his hands on Grian's shoulders. "Kiss me."

"Okay." Grian said quietly. He could hear Joel squealing with delight behind him. Why did he want to see them kiss so badly? It's not like Joel was the one kissing Scar. Kissing those soft looking lips…

"Bend down." Grian grabbed both sides of Scar's face. This was it! He was going to kiss him!

A horrible feeling of doom came crashing into his chest. Grian couldn't kiss him! He just couldn't. Scar was looking at him with such expectant eyes.

Scar wanted this.

Huh.

Scar really wanted Grian to kiss him. And yet the horrible feeling remained. Grian rubbed his thumb against Scar's face, trying to keep his emotions contained. He wanted to cry, but he also wanted to kiss Scar so badly. Why was he feeling like this? Why did it feel like the world would end if he actually went through with it? Scar's wonderful, brilliant green eyes were so kind, looking at him with that hint of desire.

Grian leaned in, his breath ghosting against Scar's lips. They were so close. Would the world end? Would everything fall apart?

Grian tilted his head, his lips meeting Scar's cheek instead of his lips.

"There." Grian pulled away, letting go of Scar. "A kiss."

"That doesn't count!" Joel threw his hands up in the air.

"You didn't say what kind of kiss!" Grian wagged a finger at him.

"You knew what I meant-"

"Boys, boys, boys." Lizzie cleared her throat. "I think a kiss on the cheek is a perfectly valid kiss."

"See!" Grian grinned, "It counts, right, Scar?"

Scar was rubbing his cheek, a smile on his face. "Huh? Oh, sure."

"Oh fine." Joel flopped back down onto the couch.

"Cheer up." Lizzie pulled out her phone. "I think we should order pizza for dinner."

"Pizza!" Grian had pizza earlier this week but he could always go for more.

The group debated on toppings for a few minutes before Lizzie ordered the pizza. Sausage and Hermes joined them in the living room, another round of Mario Kart starting up. Grian sat next to Scar, watching him play. His fingers moved so deftly on the controller. Such big hands making delicate movements. Grian wanted those hands tangled in his hair and-

Oh no. No lewd thoughts.

Ahaha. Grian needed more beer.

The kitchen did, in fact, have a dishwasher. It was wide open with so much counter space. It must be nice to have a kitchen separate from the living room. It reminded Grian of the house he grew up in. Being poor sucked.

The pizza arrived and they all played several more games of Mario Kart. Hermes started to get fussy so Sausage went to put him to bed. Hermes did give Grian a big hug before he went, begging him to come over and play again. Grian promised he would.

Once Hermes was in bed, Lizzie put on a show called Below Deck. It was rather dramatic? It was about the crew of a yacht, this particular episode taking place on Christmas. Watching a Christmas episode in the middle of summer was strange, but Grian wasn't about to complain. He whispered to Scar, "Do you like Christmas?"

"Yes." Scar nodded.

"I can't wait to decorate the tree together then. We can make cookies too. It'll be fun."

Scar smiled. "I can't wait."

The show continued on. One of the deckhands named Britini was complaining loudly to the camera. "Everyone keeps trying to get me and Culver to bang!" Lizzie chuckled, taking a sideways glance at Grian. Oh no. Was Lizzie planning something?

Grian couldn't pay too much attention to the rest. His head was feeling fuzzy and warm from the beer. At some point Scar tapped Grian’s leg with his hand. Grian looked down and saw how Scar opened and closed his fist like he wanted Grian to hold his hand. Who was Grian to refuse? He interlocked their fingers together, a small smile on his face.

The episode ended with some cliffhanger, but Grian wasn't that invested in the story. He yawned loudly, "I'm starting to get tired."

"Me too." Scar echoed his yawn. “We should get going.”

"Well!" Lizzie stood up. She suddenly grabbed Grian’s half drunk beer and downed it. "Oh no I'm drunk I can't drive you two home!"

"What?" Joel tilted his head towards Lizzie. "Sausage can drive-"

Lizzie smacked Joel's stomach, making him double over. "Nope! There is no other choice. You two have to spend the night. But oh no! What a plot twist! There is only one bed!"

Chapter Text

"Here's your room!" Lizzie opened a door at the end of the hallway.

Grian peeked inside, it was a normal looking room, not much in the way of decoration, a painting on the wall depicting a forest scene, a fake potted plant, a dresser with a mirror over it, a nightstand with a lamp, and in the center of the room, a large bed covered in white sheets.

"Wow." Lizzie exclaimed. "It has an en suite bathroom! And the walls are so thick. You could make so much noise in here and no one would hear a thing!"

"I feel vaguely threatened." Grian remarked.

Scar stage whispered to Grian, his hand in front of his mouth, "Is Lizzie going to murder us in our sleep?"

Lizzie rolled her eyes. "Here Scar." She shoved something into his hands before pushing them both into the room. "Sleep well! Or not!"

"What?" Grian turned but Lizzie had already closed the door. She was seriously so weird. He looked back at Scar who was looking at whatever Lizzie had given him with wide eyes. "What is it?"

"Ah." Scar put his hands behind his back. "Nothing at all!"

"Oh come on." Grian tried to look behind Scar, but he kept stepping backwards. "Let me see!"

Scar hit the bed, nearly losing his balance. "Oh! You really don't want to know!"

Grian pouted. He was way too curious now. If Scar wouldn't show him he would have to try other tactics. He placed his hand on Scar's chest, looking up at him with pleading eyes. "Please tell me, darling."

"Grian, are you drunk?" Scar seemed slightly flustered.

"No, I only had three beers. Well three and half, I guess." Grian ran a hand along Scar's body, snaking his fingers around to the back of his neck, cradling his head. "Tell me what you have."

"Oh. Oh." Scar took a deep breath. "You aren't playing fair." He showed Grian exactly what he had.

"Condoms!" Grian leapt away, his face burning. What exactly did Lizzie expect to happen? "Aaaaahhh…"

"It's okay. I'll just. Put these away." Scar opened the drawer to the nightstand and tucked the condoms away. "Don't worry, I won't do, um, that, um. Maybe I should go downstairs and sleep on the couch."

Scar started to walk past him. He was leaving? Grian remembered those painful nights he spent all alone, aching from loneliness. Grian caught the corner of Scar's sleeve. "Don't go."

"Oh?" Scar stopped, looking slightly shocked.

"I meant what I said when we were in the cafe." Grian felt his face burning. He couldn't even meet Scar's eyes. "I want to cuddle with you more."

"If that's what you want." Scar didn't even try to hide the happiness in his voice. "I'll be more than happy to cuddle you."

"Gahhhh." Grian pressed his hands to his face. "Why is this so embarrassing?"

"It's okay, Grian." Scar put a hand on his shoulder. "You don't have to be embarrassed, I won't judge you."

"Okay." Grian dropped the hands from his face. This definitely wasn't a thing that roommates did. They had crossed that line a long time ago, hadn't they? Into this ambiguous relationship Grian was too scared to put a name to. He wasn't even sure what he wanted from this. Did he even want more than this? Did he just admire Scar and he was getting really confused? Well, if Scar was fine with cuddling together, then there was no reason not to do it, right? "Let's just get ready for bed."

"Sure. Do you think she remembered to give us a toothbrush?" Scar chuckled as he headed into the bathroom.

"She thought of something else first." Grian groaned. Seriously. What was Lizzie thinking? Grian couldn't even kiss Scar, what made her think they would need condoms? That wouldn't happen in a million years.

There were toothbrushes in the bathroom, one red and one blue, sitting in a toothbrush holder. Lizzie had planned this! Sneaky! Well Grian wasn't actually mad. He wanted to share a bed with Scar again, this was actually pretty convenient. Oh, but a toothbrush holder. Hmm. Maybe he should buy one of those. He and Scar always left theirs on the side of the sink and that wasn't hygienic.

It was a little nice to brush his teeth along with Scar. Something so simple felt awfully intimate.

They headed back into the bedroom, Scar suddenly putting his hands up to his face. "Oh no! What about poor precious Jellie? There's no one there to feed her!"

"Oh." Grian almost forgot about her. "I'll text Jimmy to feed her."

"Thank goodness." Scar breathed a sigh of relief. "I knew I should've brought her…"

Grian took out his phone and texted Jimmy, telling him the pass code on the lockbox so he could get inside. Jimmy definitely insinuated that Grian was on a date with Scar. Whatever, it wasn't worth arguing about.

He did have a message from someone else waiting for him.

Scott: Grian where are you?
Scott: I need to talk to you
Grian: I'm not home right now

Scott didn't reply so Grian put his phone down on the table. What could Scott want? Well it could wait.

"Jimmy is feeding Jellie." Grian told Scar.

"Thanks!" Scar grinned. "Let's get ready for bed."

Scar immediately started unbuttoning his shirt. Why was Scar always so ready to get naked? Grian sighed as he started to take off his sweater. "Don't look at me."

"Sure thing." Scar turned away from him.

Grian took off his tank-top before taking off his binder since he couldn't sleep in it. He put his tank-top back on, glancing back at Scar. He had taken off his pants, wearing only a pair of boxers. He was intently studying the wall instead of looking Grian's way. Grian quickly took off his own pants. He wasn't wearing boxers, just briefs, so he felt oddly exposed. He crossed his arms against his chest, hoping for at least a little modesty. "I'm done."

Scar turned to look at him. He looked Grian up and down. "Wow!"

"Scar." Grian groaned, getting onto the bed and tucking his legs under his body.

"I'm looking respectfully." Scar sat on the bed next to him. "I like being able to see you."

"You see me all the time." Grian felt his eyes drifting downwards to Scar's leg. The leg that was far more mangled by scars than the rest of his body. Perhaps he shouldn't ask, but he really wanted to know. "Scar. I've been a little curious, but what happened?"

"Oh?" Scar looked towards his own leg, the one covered in a mess of scars. "I, um. That's…"

"Do you not want to talk about it?" Grian bit the inside of his cheek. He didn't want to make Scar uncomfortable.

"No. It's okay." Scar placed a hand on his leg, fingers tracing the lines. "I never told you how my parents died, did I?"

"No." Grian reached over, placing a hand on Scar's shoulder.

"It's not a happy story. But one summer when I was young, my parents took me out to the mall. We were buying new clothes for school. I always liked buying clothes for the new year! I felt like I could reinvent myself, or something."

Scar paused, shaking his head. "I'm a little off track. It's hard to talk about it."

"Take your time." Grian gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

"Okay." Scar took a deep breath. "I don't really remember what happened exactly. We all got in the car and were driving home. It wasn't anything special, I remember singing along to the song on the radio with my mother, and then a terrifying crunch. I don't remember what happened next. I was in the hospital when I woke up. I didn't find out until later that my parents didn't make it."

"Scar." Grian felt an awful feeling in the pit of his stomach. He understood how Scar felt now, his brain imaging a world where Scar wasn't there. What an awful world that would be. He leaned against Scar's side, so happy that he could touch Scar and feel his warmth.

"I hurt my leg pretty badly, there was an explosion of some sort but I don't remember that at all. I guess I should feel lucky I can even walk! It still hurts me sometimes." Scar rubbed his leg.

"I'm sorry." Grian gently reached down, placing his hand on Scar's leg. "I made you carry me when I got sick."

"It's okay. It didn't hurt that much." Scar smiled, placing his hand on top of Grian’s. "I'm happy I could help you."

"You should worry about yourself too." Grian sighed. He really had to make sure he took care of himself. He didn't want to be a burden for Scar, even if Scar said he didn't mind.

"I will."

A silence settled on them. Grian quietly pulled Scar’s hand up and closer to him. His hands really were big. Grian held Scar's hand with one hand, inspecting it with his other. Running a finger across the lines on his palm. Moving his finger down to his wrist, feeling the pulse of life in the vein there. A ragged scar ran across his wrist, so close to that vein. If it had been any deeper, Scar might not even be here.

It felt like grief was overwhelming his body.

Grian lifted Scar's hand to his mouth, pressing a gentle kiss to his wrist.

"What." Scar sounded breathless. "What are you doing?"

"I'm kissing it better." Grian decided. "I'll kiss all your scars. I know I can't make them go away. But."

He ran out of words. Instead he kissed the next scar on Scar's arm, a little further up, and then the next on, and the next one. He kissed each one, hoping for something, wishing he could in some way take Scar's pain away.

He looked up at Scar, at those scars on his chest and face. So many scars to kiss better. He pressed a kiss to Scar's cheek, just as he had earlier today, before pulling away.

Scar looked at Grian, his eyes searching, not settling on any specific part of his body. "You don't have any scars."

"No, not like you-"

Grian was interrupted when Scar leaned over, pulling the front of his tank-top down a few inches, pressing a kiss to the center of his chest.

"Huh?" Grian could still feel the warmth of Scar’s lips lingering on chest as his tank-top went back into place.

"No one can see your scars." Scar looked a little red in his face. "But I know you carry them in your heart, so I had to kiss it better."

"Scar." Grian leaned in closer towards Scar, facing him directly, his hand caressing his cheek. "Thank you."

Those expectant eyes again.

Grian wanted so badly to close the short distance between them, to close that gap forever, but he couldn't. He averted his gaze and leaned his head against Scar's shoulder.

"Grian. Why, um." Scar placed a hand on the back of his head. "Why do you keep pulling away? When you're about to kiss me?"

That horrible feeling choked Grian's chest again. He should've known that Scar would eventually ask him. He had nearly kissed him too many times. He knew that Scar wanted him to, he knew that…

"I'm scared." Grian clutched Scar's hand tightly.

"Scared of something changing between us?" Scar asked. "What if the change is good, Grian? What if the change makes you happier? It doesn't have to be a bad thing, you know."

"I feel like the world will end if I kiss you. Like you'll die. I'll die. It'll all go catastrophically wrong." Grian hid his face in Scar's neck. "I'm so lost, Scar. I'm not even sure what my feelings are for you. I just have this feeling that I'll hurt you. I don't want to hurt you."

"Well." Scar sighed into his hair. "This is a little painful too. I really like you, Grian."

Of course he did.

Grian knew that Scar must like him, but he always turned a blind eye to that.

What did Grian really feel? Hearing those words made him feel elated. Scar liked him. He really liked him! Grian had no reason to hold back! If he kissed Scar right now, would it be different from his dreams? He could actually confirm his feelings. He could really let Scar know how he felt. But then what? What would happen next?

He was terrified.

Grian lifted his head, placing his hand back on the side of Scar's face. "Can you wait just a little longer? I, just, I can't answer you yet."

"Okay." Scar's eyes looked down, slightly wet. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"

"No. Don't apologize. I'm so happy that you like me. Honestly I'm honored. You are so handsome and you like someone like me? Outrageous." Grian chuckled.

"You are so beautiful." Scar stroked his cheek with his thumb. "It's really hard for me to hold back. I want to kiss you silly."

"I'm already pretty silly." Grian laughed.

"I know." Scar smiled. "Can we cuddle now? If you still want to."

"I do. If that's not too selfish."

"It's fine, it's fine!" Scar pulled up the covers and slipped underneath them, laying on his side. Grian laid down next to him, Scar moving his arms, one around his shoulders, one coming to rest right on his hip bone. Grian felt his heart race at how close Scar's hand was to the waistband of his underwear, his tank-top scrunched up enough that Scar was touching his bare skin.

"Grian." Scar spoke gently. "If you do ever want to kiss me, you don't have to hold back. I promise I want it."

"I'll keep that in mind." Grian felt bad that he hadn't answered Scar. If only he could figure out his own mind.

"And. I was wondering." Scar cleared his throat. "Ah. I'm not good at asking questions. I always try to avoid them since I don't like when people pry into my past-"

"Sorry." Grian mumbled.

"Oh, no. It's okay. You're different, G. I don't mind telling you. But, I guess what I'm getting at here is, I want to ask about your past." Scar paused, his body tensing slightly. "What happened after your dad burned your paintings, if you don't mind me asking."

"Like in general you mean?" Grian asked.

"Yeah. You kept doing art, right?"

"I did." Grian didn't especially like talking about his past either. It was fine if Scar knew. "I had already been accepted to an art school. I even had a partial scholarship. My dad didn't like that though. He kicked me out of the house when I told him I was going to an art school."

"That's not very nice." Scar used his thumb to rub circles into Grian's skin, right around his hip bone that stuck out a bit too much.

"It wasn't. I mean that wasn't the only reason. I know he wasn't very accepting of my gender either, even if he wasn't outright hostile about it. I wonder if I had pretended to be a girl if he would've gone easier on me about the art, but I never could've done that." Grian looked up at Scar, but he had his eyes closed. "In any case, I lived with Lizzie's family for a little bit. I did art commissions to help pay for college since I couldn't get a loan."

"Sounds difficult." Scar replied, not stopping his hand at all, just rubbing those faint circles. It was comforting and very distracting.

"Er, yeah. It was. I pretty much cut contact with my family, except for Pearl, and I didn't even talk to her that often. I met my former roommate Taurtis at college. He suggested that we live together, so we got an apartment. Everything should've been fine. Except it wasn't, somehow?" Grian pressed his head into Scar's side, close enough that he could hear his heartbeat.

"Hmm?"

"I couldn't paint anymore. I panicked when I picked up a brush. I felt this uneasy feeling and all I could see was my dad yelling at me. Throwing away all my hard work. My artwork burning." Grian could see it even now, a horrible scene that played out in front of his eyes. The acrid scent of paint burning away into nothing.

"Grian." Scar softly said. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I was really stressed out from trying to do commissions on top of school so. One day. I just didn't go to class. I just never went back." Grian shook his head. "The first thing I painted in years was that desert scene."

"The one Jellie knocked over." Scar took in a sharp breath. "I think I understand your reaction now."

"Sorry for getting so upset." Grian must've sounded like a lunatic, crying over a painting for so long.

"It's okay." Scar pulled Grian in closer so that Grian was also on his side. The touch of his bare skin was nearly unbearable, especially where his tank-top had ridden up, his stomach touching Scar's stomach, just slightly. Grian wished that this could both last forever and that he could run away. It was so tender and completely overwhelming.

"And I guess after that I mostly hid away in my room. I didn't talk to Taurtis much." Grian hadn't thought about it much, but it was probably his fault Taurtis ran away. He ignored reality for too long. "I really didn't care about anything. I just worked and worked and hardly even ate. I'm so glad it was you who became my new roommate. You broke me out of an awful cycle."

"I'm glad I moved in. I'm so happy I got to meet you." Scar paused, tightly gripping Grian's side. "I'm so, so, happy."

"Me too." Grian nuzzled against Scar, closing his eyes. "I'm sleepy."

"Go to sleep." Scar shifted as he leaned over to turn off the light. Even behind closed eyes, Grian could perceive the darkness. "Hey. Did you mean that other thing you said at the cafe? About wanting me?"

"What?" Grian felt his face burning red.

"We don't have to kiss, I mean, if you want to put those condoms to use." Scar’s hand at Grian’s hip grazed over the waistband of his underwear.

"Idiot." Grian smacked Scar's stomach. "Stop it or I will make you sleep on the couch."

"It was worth a shot." Scar chuckled, moving his hand away. "Goodnight."

"Night." Grian drifted off to sleep.

Grian awoke in his bed.

Ah. He had lost his first life. Somehow dying was far more painful than he ever imagined it would be. Even now he felt the burning lava, the explosions still ringing in his ear, the arrow that pierced his side.

Even all that pain was dull in comparison to the pain in his heart.

Grian collected what he could to gear himself up. According to his communicator, Scar hadn't died yet. He was still out there somewhere. Grian had to find him.

The first person Grian met was Scott. Scott commented that his husband had died, calling him an idiot. He was probably just trying to cope with humor, right? Grian wondered how he'd cope if Scar died. Probably not well.

(A world without you is not a world worth living in.)

Grian nonchalantly mentioned that Scar was missing.

"Maybe he got captured by the enemy?" Scott shrugged.

"We should look for him." Grian tried to not let a single trace of panic cross his face. "I'm so curious about what happened to him."

They searched for him. Grian refused to give up hope. The moment he heard Scar's voice he felt like a huge weight had been lifted. One he hadn't been aware of in the first place, but now that it was gone, he felt as light as a cloud. "Scar!"

"Oh! Grian!" Scar turned towards him. "I was looking for you everywhere!"

Grian couldn't even respond. He ran up to Scar and wrapped him in a hug. Scar was okay.

Grian could never leave his side, could he?

Chapter Text

It was warm. Comfortably warm, not too hot nor too cold. There was a faint chill from the A/C against his exposed skin, but other than that, Grian was just warm. His consciousness slowly arrived, realizing he was tangled up in Scar's arms, their legs twisted together. He didn't feel as panicked about it as he had the previous time he found himself in this position.

Scar liked him. Grian smiled into Scar's chest. It felt so nice to be liked. He didn't really know what Scar saw in him and frankly he would be too embarrassed to ask, but somehow he had charmed Scar enough to be liked. If he could figure out his own feelings then everything would be perfect. Until then, he was allowed to feel happy about this, right? It was hard to accept any happiness without an awful feeling choking his throat that his happiness would be stolen away.

Well he was going to allow himself just a little happiness. For this morning at least. He wanted to enjoy being held by Scar. Maybe, since Scar liked him, they could do this again. And again. And again.

A knocking came from the bedroom door. Grian sat up slightly, shifting out of Scar's arms. Scar made a sound close to a whine as he was woken up.

"Who's there?" Grian called out.

Lizzie popped her head in the doorway. She seemed overjoyed to see Grian. "Good morning. I do hope you can join us for breakfast. If you aren't too tired."

"Ugh." Grian groaned. Lizzie clearly thought her little plan worked. "We'll be down in a minute."

"Wonderful!" Lizzie spun away from the door, closing it behind her.

"Good morning, my little bird." Scar looked up at him, his smile much softer than his typical smug one.

"Good morning, my light." Grian looked down at Scar. It would be wonderful if he could give Scar a good morning kiss. He bet that would make Scar's face light up with joy. Maybe someday they could share such a tender moment.

Scar sat up, stretching his arms over his head. Grian couldn't help but to look at Scar's chest as he did that, it was seriously mesmerizing. Truly unfair how Scar could have tits so big yet appear so masculine. Why was it that the thing Grian hated the most about himself he found so appealing on Scar?

"You're staring again." Scar chuckled, pressing his pecs together with his hands to give himself cleavage.

"I'm not!" Grian looked away, scooting towards the edge of the bed. "Let's go eat breakfast. I'm sure you want to get home. Jellie must be so lonely."

Scar gasped. "She must think I abandoned her!"

He stood up, picking up his clothes he discarded the night before. Scar stood up on the opposite side of the bed. "You know, Grian, maybe we should tell Lizzie that we are dating."

"Huh?" Grian shifted off his tank-top to put his binder back on. He wished he had clean clothes but he could wait until they got home.

"Well, I don't think Lizzie will stop trying to get us together. Joel either. We should just tell them we are dating so you can have some breathing room to make your own decision." Scar explained.

"Hmm." Grian pulled his tank-top back on. "But what if I decide that I don't like you like that?"

"I'll be sad!" Scar chuckled.

"That's not what I meant." Grian shook his head. "Not that I want to make you sad, but I think you'd be sadder in the long run if I was dating you without actually liking you."

"True." Scar started to button up his shirt. "If you don't like me romantically, then we can tell everyone we broke up and decided to stay roommates."

"You aren't going to leave me?" Grian hoped Scar would stay.

"No. Of course not. You're my home." Scar looked over his shoulder at Grian.

"Yeah. You're my home too." Grian smiled at him, he really couldn't stand the thought of losing Scar. "Okay. We'll tell them that we are dating."

"Wonderful!" Scar pulled on his pants. "I wonder what they are having for breakfast?"

The wondering didn't last long. Grian and Scar headed for the kitchen where Sausage was cooking something on the stove top, Lizzie and Joel sitting at the kitchen table with Hermes. Sausage called out to them, "Good morning! We are having eggs and sausages!"

"Did you cook sausage because it's your name?" Scar sat down at the table. It was such a big table. Would it even fit in Grian and Scar's apartment?

"I can't help it if I'm delicious." Sausage giggled.

Grian laughed as he shook his head. "Is there any juice? I'm so thirsty."

"We have orange juice in the fridge." Lizzie remarked.

"Thanks." Grian pulled it out. He got a cup from the cabinet. Hmm. All of the cups were perfectly matched. Strange how different that was from his cabinet full of mismatched dishes. He poured a cup for Scar, assuming that he must be thirsty too. He sat down next to him, sliding a cup over.

"So." Lizzie placed her hands under her chin. "How was last night?"

"We are dating now." Scar said, looking over towards Grian.

"Yup." Grian smiled back at him.

"I win. Pony up." Lizzie held out her hands. Joel and Sausage smacked money into her palms.

"Did you really bet on whether we'd start dating or not?" Grian groaned.

"What? I was rooting for you." Lizzie had a rather devious smile.

"Ugh." Grian rubbing the bridge of his nose.

Hermes had been sitting quietly, but he blinked several times as he yawned. "Are Uncle Grian and Uncle Scar moving in?"

Joel chuckled. "Sorry kiddo, they just spent the night."

Hermes pouted. "A sleepover without me?"

"We'll have a group sleepover next time." Grian told Hermes. "We can stay up playing video games all night."

"Yay!" Hermes threw his hands up in the air.

After that they enjoyed breakfast together. It was nice, it did sort of feel like they were one big family. Grian was glad he went to that BBQ since it reconnected him with Lizzie. His brain was still sleepy though, even after sleeping the entire night. He couldn't finish his meal, leaning against Scar's side, probably hindering him from eating properly.

"Are you okay?" Scar asked.

"Yeah. I'm still tired. Last night was, uh, a lot I think." Grian whispered. He meant emotionally but Lizzie seemed to have heard and was smirking at him. Well, it didn't matter what she thought he was talking about.

"You can nap when we get home. We can nap together. More cuddles! Jellie can cuddle too!" Scar spoke with his hand, which had his fork in it, accidently flinging a bit of egg onto the table. "Oops."

"Cuddle pile." Grian liked that idea, although that probably wasn't the best use of their time. Shouldn't they be using one of Scar's days off to work on the game? They could always work on it later, he supposed.

After breakfast, Lizzie drove them back home. She again demanded that they sit in the back seat. Did she like feeling like a chauffeur? Grian didn't really care, he sat in the middle seat again, leaning against Scar's side. The gentle lull of the car and Scar's warmth quickly pulled him into sleep.

He stirred awake when he noticed that the car wasn't moving anymore. He heard voices around him, a hand carefully carding through his hair. It felt so nice that he didn't want it to stop, so he kept his eyes firmly shut.

"No really. It was the same dream." The voice closer to him said.

"That's weird." The other voice. Lizzie? Right. Lizzie.

"It is weird! The only difference is that his dream continued when mine ended." The other voice. That was Scar. "For a long time I've had this recurring dream. I always tell Grian I love him, but I never hear his answer. In Grian's dream, he did answer me, with a kiss. When he told me that, it really hurt."

"It hurt?" Lizzie questioned. Grian stayed still. He shouldn't be listening in to this, he felt, but now he was curious. He hurt Scar? Is that why he ran off to the bathroom at the cafe? Grian assumed it was from shock, but he did look a bit like he had cried when he returned. He hadn't meant to hurt Scar.

"It's hard to explain. In my dream, I'm certain that I died, that means that Grian couldn't tell me how he felt until I wasn't there anymore." Scar sighed, massaging Grian's scalp. "That doesn't make sense. The dreams feel very real. It's like another life, I mean-"

Scar trailed off. Lizzie was quiet before she finally responded. "Grian's a bit dense when it comes to emotional stuff, but he told you he likes you now, right? Your dream might’ve been just your fear of him not returning your feelings."

"Maybe." Scar pressed his lips to the top of Grian’s head. "I still don't know if he likes me or not, actually."

"Really?" Lizzie laughed. "He clearly likes you. Do you see the way his face lights up when he sees you? He never looks at anyone like that, not even BigB back in high school."

"I guess I should feel honored." Scar chuckled into Grian's hair. "I'm so happy to be with him. It's a little sappy but I feel like I was looking for him my whole life."

"Aww." Lizzie exclaimed. "You guys are so cute together. I hope things go well for you two. Also I'm glad you are feeding him. It was a bit concerning when he showed up to the barbecue."

"Yeah. I told you, he literally had no food in his house when I moved in! And when I first started working at the gas station, my boss Cub told me to let him steal if he needed to and he would pay for whatever he took. He was clearly struggling for a long time." Scar rubbed his face against Grian's head. "When I saw him last night without his clothes I was very happy to see he had put on some weight."

"Grian did drop off the radar for a bit there." Lizzie mused. "I didn't realize how bad things had gotten for him. At least things are getting better now. Thank you for helping him, Scar."

"It's nothing. He is helping me too." Scar lifted his head. "I don't want to wake him up, but we should probably get inside before Jellie thinks we abandoned her."

Scar gently shook Grian. Grian roused himself, trying to make it look like he just woke up. He blinked lazily at Scar with a confused expression.

"Good morning." Scar smiled at him. "We're home."

"That was fast." Grian yawned. "Thank you Lizzie for having us over. It was fun."

"No problem. Come visit again soon."

They said their goodbyes and left the car. Grian's mind couldn't quite process the conversation he had heard. It did hurt Scar that Grian couldn't return his feelings. He wished he could, but he didn't want to lie. Worst of all, he still felt like the world would crash down around him at the mere idea of sharing a kiss with Scar. Why was his brain like this?

Grian pulled his phone from his pocket as he made his way up the stairs. Scott had messaged him again.

Scott: Tell me when you return.
Scott: It's important.
Grian: I'm back
Scott: Can you come to my apartment?

Grian looked over at Scar, "Can you take a raincheck on the cuddles? Scott wants to talk to me, I think it's important."

"Okay. I hope everything's alright." Scar looked mildly disappointed.

"I'm sure it'll be okay." Grian left Scar to go to Scott's apartment.

Grian knocked on Scott's door, hoping this wouldn't take too long. He was still sleepy and had Scar cuddles waiting for him at home. He hadn't even changed his clothes yet! It only took Scott a few seconds to answer the door. "Grian! I haven't seen you in forever. Please come in."

"Yes, well I've been busy." Grian entered his apartment. It was full of bright colors, a rainbow of them. It was a little overwhelming but Scott obviously liked it. Grian had an inkling of an idea that Scott might be trying to out-gay all the other gay people in the apartment building.

"I see. It seems you have acquired a boyfriend." Scott headed toward the refrigerator. "Would you like some iced tea?"

"Sure. And Scar's not exactly my boyfriend." Grian didn't know how to explain it. They were something in between at the moment.

"Uh-huh. Well I was talking to Jimmy-"

"You were talking to Jimmy?" Grian gasped.

Scott nodded as he poured some iced tea. He spoke as he brought it over to his colorful couch, "Yes. Jimmy said he felt bad about how he ended things with me. He wanted us to be friends even if we couldn't date."

"That's oddly mature of him." Grian sat down on the couch, taking the iced tea. He took a sip, it was way too sweet but not awful. "Timmy was just hiding from you the other day."

"Yes. He dove headfirst into a garbage can the last time I saw him so I was shocked as well." Scott sat on the other side of the couch, sipping his own tea. "That's not what I wanted to talk about. He mentioned talking to you and giving you advice about open and honest communication and he thought he should try it out as well. But he also told me that you and your not boyfriend were arguing about a dream you had."

"I specifically told him not to gossip." Grian put Jimmy on his list of people he needed to prank.

"You actually trusted Jimmy not to gossip?" Scott laughed.

"Stupid, I know." Grian shook his head.

"Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about." Scott put his glass down on a coaster. He looked like he was picking his next words carefully. "Grian, do you perhaps dream about a death game?"

Grian suddenly felt wide awake.

Chapter Text

"What?" Grian mouthed more than said. He set his cup down on the coffee table, his hands feeling frozen from the condensation.

"Er. Sorry. It's just that I've been dreaming about you lately." Scott looked at his own glass, still sitting on the table. "Which isn't that unusual, but I've been having these dreams for quite awhile and I asked Cleo and Jimmy before if they had similar dreams, because it feels so real I swear it has to mean something more but no one else has them and then I thought maybe you won a game and-"

"Okay. Slow down." Grian held his hands out in front of himself. "Let's start at the beginning here. You are dreaming about a death game?"

Scott sighed. "Yes. It's fine if you don't know what I'm talking about. I know it sounds crazy. I was just hoping-"

"Hold on." Grian took in a deep breath. "Can you tell me why you thought to bring this up to me?" He could decide if he needed to panic after that.

"Right." Scott followed his lead and also took a deep breath. "I was talking to Jimmy and he mentioned Scar. Now I've never met Scar before, but I have dreamed about him plenty. I described him to Jimmy and he said I was spot on. I can't possibly know him but I do. I seriously had given up on anyone else knowing about it since Cleo and Jimmy both thought I was crazy, but if Scar is real then-"

"Wait." Grian could see how frantic Scott was getting. Considering how chill he typically was, that was a little concerning. "Scott, does this death game have multiple lives?"

"Yes! It does. Green for more than three lives, yellow for two, red for one. Once you hit red you become feral, I guess. You feel inclined to kill everyone."

"That's…" Grian watched the condensation drip down his glass and onto the coaster. "I have been dreaming about that."

"You have?" Scott's eyes started to tear up, his hands shaking in his lap. "We are having the same dreams? Is it. Is it not just a dream then?"

"What?" Grian couldn't decide if he should panic now or not. He felt slightly numb, actually. Was he really sharing dreams with multiple people? What did that mean, really? It couldn't possibly be something other than a dream, right? "What do you think it is, if it's not a dream?"

"I think it's a previous life." Scott reached out a hand to grab his drink, but he was shaking too much and quit before he even picked it up. "I mean we all died, in the end, although to be fair I did end myself that last time."

"Last time?" Grian felt his eyes going wider. "Are you saying there was more than one death game in your dreams?"

"Oh yes. There were at least two, from what I recall. The prize for winning was that you got to retain your memories." Scott rubbed his hands against his legs. "I suppose that means you won one of the death games?"

"I have no idea." Grian shrugged. He… didn't win, right? That dream of Scar… he didn't kill him. Grian wouldn't kill him. "But I mean if that's the prize, that must be why no one else can remember, I mean if any of this is actually real, I'm not entirely sure you aren't pranking me."

Scott laughed, although it sounded somewhat hollow. "Do you really think I would joke about this?"

"No." Grian shook his head. "I just don't know what to think. You understand that this all sounds crazy."

"I know. It's scaring me, honestly. I don't even know if I can believe myself. I just know I've had these dreams for a long time now and it feels like they are real." Scott leaned back against the couch. "Maybe I am crazy."

"Then I'm crazy too." Grian bit the inside of his cheek. "You don't think that this is another death game? Like right now?"

"No. I don't think so. It’s nothing like the world where the death games took place, right?" Scott shrugged against the couch. "I mean Jimmy would be dead already if this was a death game."

Grian laughed. This was all so absurd. But he had a thought. If all this was real, if these dreams were a past life or something, then that must mean that Scar won the game with him. Scar seemed to remember even more than Grian did! They must've won together! Then whatever that nightmare was with his hands coated in blood must be just a nightmare.

Grian wouldn't kill Scar.

"Scott, did two people ever win in your games?" Grian asked.

"Yes. Me and my soulmate won." Scott sat up. "She must remember too, although I've never met her outside of my dreams."

So two people could win. Thank goodness. He knew that he couldn't kill Scar. Except that first time and that was an accident. And that second time wasn't technically his fault. Scar was clumsy! Grian wouldn't hurt him!

Why was he suddenly thinking that all this was actually real? Shouldn't he have more doubts? Could he really accept this all as fact?

It didn't feel like he had a choice. "Scott, I don't know what to do with this information. I feel like my world has been turned upside down."

"Me too. I never thought I'd find someone else who remembers. It's honestly a relief." Scott chuckled. "But I don't think we have to do anything with this information. No one else will believe us anyway. I think it just makes everything make a little more sense."

"Yes. Reincarnation is real. And we get to remember because we won a death game. Hurray!" Grian threw his hands up in the air. "I'm so exhausted right now so I'll just accept this all as fact."

Scott laughed. "You do look a little tired. Sorry for dropping this all on you. I just felt very anxious about knowing Scar without ever meeting him. You should bring him over someday, I'd like to meet him outside of my dreams. And I'd like to talk about this more, when you aren't feeling so tired. We can discuss how our games went."

"Sure." Grian clenched his teeth. Should he tell Scar about any of this? What if Scar thought Grian had lost it? Maybe Grian had lost it. "I think I need a ten hour nap now."

"Me too." Scott stood up from the couch. "Oh, but while I have you here, can I ask you something else?"

"What's up?" Grian pushed himself up to his feet.

"Do you know if anyone is looking for a roommate? It's been pretty lonely since Jimmy moved out." Scott chuckled.

"Oh no. Sorry." Grian couldn't think of anyone, even if his brain didn't feel like mush. Which it very much did at the moment. Like oatmeal with dinosaur eggs. Except the eggs were startling truths about the nature of the world that he rather not think about.

"Well if you find anyone let me know." Scott walked Grian over to the door. "Thanks for talking with me."

"No problem. Just text me if you have any other world shattering information to deliver."

Grian walked down the hallway, still trying to make sense of everything. He somehow made it back to his apartment with nary a single coherent thought. He opened the door to see the back of Scar's head, his hair slightly damp, as he sat on the couch. Scar turned slightly and grinned at him.

"Welcome home, Grian."

"I'm home." Grian smiled back.

"Is everything okay with Scott?" Scar asked as Grian walked around to the other side of the couch.

"Oh." Grian had no idea what to tell Scar. Maybe he should put it on the back burner for now. Telling Scar about their dreams being their actual past life was far too large of a bomb to casually drop. He didn't want to think about it, actually. "Everything's fine! No worries!"

"That's good." Scar was gently stroking Jellie's fur as she slumbered in his lap. Scar had clearly showered and changed clothes while Grian was out, he was just wearing a plain white t-shirt and his boxers. "Did you want to cuddle now?"

"Actually." Grian felt a sudden spike of fear at the thought of getting close to Scar. He didn't know what to say to him. He needed to get his thoughts in order first. "I think I'll nap by myself."

Scar pouted. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Sleeping next to you is too distracting. I'll never get any rest." Grian laughed nervously. Hopefully Scar wouldn't catch his lie.

"I don't mind a little distraction." Scar smirked. "If you want to have some fun first, I'm sure that'll help you sleep even better. I brought those condoms home."

"Ah!" Grian took a step back. Clearly Scar had decided to bring his flirting up to maximum level now that he admitted he liked Grian. Grian was far too confused by his own feelings at the moment to even consider that! "Scar!"

"I'm just saying." He shrugged. "No strings attached, I promise."

"I'm going to bed!" Grian turned away. He was probably bright red, he couldn't believe how bold Scar was being. "See you when I wake up!"

Grian ran for his room, closing the door behind him. How was he supposed to think about anything when Scar was flirting with him like that? He'd figure it out later, after his nap.

He did not think about it after his nap. In fact, he pointedly ignored it. Thinking about it hurt his head too much. He shouldn't ever think of it again! If he didn't think about his dreams being his past life then it obviously wasn't true! Grian was great at ignoring things.

That's why he decided to go shopping the next day. He didn't really like going out in public but it was a great distraction. Besides, there were some things he really wanted to get. It felt strange to go out without Scar, he really only ever did that when he went grocery shopping. It was okay though he was a man on a mission.

He found the perfect thing! Multiple things, in fact. He even bought a gift bag to put it in. He really had no reason to get Scar a gift, he just thought it would make him happy. If Grian couldn't return his feelings yet, he could at least do this.

It felt like a long wait for Scar to return home. Grian worked on some art for the game. The game reflected the death game, didn't it?

Don't think about it.

He had drawn and colored two more portraits when he heard the front door open. "I'm home!" Scar called into the apartment.

"Welcome home!" Grian got up from his desk, he could finally give Scar his gift! He couldn’t wait to see his reaction. He grabbed the gift bag and headed into the living room. "I got you a present."

"Did you?" Scar took the bag, sitting down on the couch. Grian sat down beside him.

Scar reached into the bag and pulled out the first gift, wrapped in tissue paper. He unwrapped it, his eyes going wide. "A dinosaur?"

"Yeah! It's a toothbrush holder. It's not hygienic to leave our toothbrushes on the side of the sink." Grian had bought a very cute toothbrush holder, it was dinosaur shaped with holes in the back to hold the toothbrushes.

"How did you know I like dinosaurs?" Scar asked as he placed it down on the table, a finger rubbing the top of the dinosaur’s head like he was petting it.

"Isn't it obvious? You bought dinosaur pasta and dinosaur oatmeal!" Grian laughed.

Scar smiled. "I love it. Thank you." He pulled the next item from the bag, unwrapping it. "Oh! A kitty mug!"

"Yup! The other one is a kitty mug too. I thought we could have matching mugs for when we drink coffee together in the morning." The mug was really adorable. The handle was the tail and it had ears along the rim.

"Wow." Scar placed everything, now unwrapped, on the table. He had a beautiful smile stretching across his face, his eyes slightly misty. "This is wonderful! Why did you get this for me?"

"No reason really. I just wanted to make you happy." Grian smiled back at him. He was so glad he could make Scar smile like this.

"I'm really happy."

At that moment, Jellie jumped up into Grian's lap, clearly jealous that the mug cats were getting more attention than her. "Hello my child." Grian stroked her fur.

"No fair." Scar grumbled. "Jellie, come to daddy!"

"She's mine now!" Grian gathered her up in his arms and stood up. "My precious Jellie!"

"Noooo!" Scar cried out. "Give her back."

"You'll have to catch me!" Grian started to run towards his room. Scar gave chase, albeit a bit slower. Grian jumped up on his bed, still holding Jellie. "You'll never take me alive!"

"Oh you!" Scar put his cane down and slowly climbed up onto the bed. He almost lost his balance, making Grian reach out for him. Unfortunately he dropped Jellie in the process, but she landed on the bed uninjured. More importantly, Grian had pulled Scar in close to him, his hand tightly on his arm to prevent him from falling.

"Oops." Grian smiled up at Scar. "Careful."

"I guess, I can't help falling for you." Scar cracked a grin.

Grian laughed despite himself. "Very funny, you idiot."

Scar's face turned a bit softer. "It wasn't really a joke."

"I know." Grian's voice grew quieter. It hadn't been a joke for a long time. "Hey. Do you think you can kiss me?"

"Huh?" Scar cocked an eyebrow. "What are you-?"

"I mean. Maybe I'm just too scared to do it myself." Grian felt his heart rapidly racing out of control. What was he saying? He couldn’t stop himself, the words tumbled out. "Maybe if you kiss me first it'll be easier. Maybe I can get over my fears and figure out if I like you or not."

"If you are sure." Scar shifted his feet on the bed, leaning down. His green eyes met Grian's, so much closer than usual. He lifted a hand to the side of Grian’s face, stroking his cheek. "I'd be more than happy to kiss you."

"Okay." Grian felt breathless, a rising panic filling his chest, but it was still thrilling. Finally, finally he could kiss Scar! He wanted to so badly. He wanted all of Scar so badly.

Oh.

Wait.

He was definitely in love, wasn't he?

This feeling could only be love, right?

He loved Scar so much it made his chest hurt. Everything about him was wonderful. Grian wanted to spend every moment with him. He was undoubtedly in love. Scar was leaning in closer, Grian could practically feel him against his lips-

Grian backed up a step, his arms pinwheeling as he tried to keep his balance on his bed. The faint memory of kissing Scar's cold, dead lips entered his mind. Grian ducked down, trying not to panic.

"Grian." Scar slowly knelt down next to him. "Hey, it's okay. I'm not going to kiss you."

"Sorry. I'm sorry Scar." Grian wasn't even sure what he was apologizing for anymore. For this or whatever that nightmare was-

Don't think about it.

"It's okay. Grian. It's really okay." Scar placed a hand on his shoulder. "You don't have to force yourself to do anything, okay? We don't have to kiss."

Grian felt like crying. He figured it out. He was desperately in love but he still couldn't bring himself to kiss Scar. He didn't even think he could tell Scar what his feelings were. What was wrong with him? "I'm sorry. Let's just ignore that, okay. I'm alright." Grian looked up, giving his best facsimile of a smile.

"Okay." Scar's smile echoed his own. "Hey, let's go make some coffee, test out those new coffee mugs?"

"Sure." Grian scooted to the edge of the bed.

Why couldn't anything be easy?

Don't think about it.

Grian decided to livestream the next day while Scar was at work. He had to do something, his brain kept wandering towards topics he didn't want to think about.

Don't think about it.

Don't think about it.

Since Scar wasn't around he asked Joel to moderate his chat, except he gave him one condition. Joel couldn't donate! He had already given way too much as it was, Grian couldn't handle anymore. Joel agreed, thankfully.

It still took Grian a bit to get everything set up. He ignored the messages on his phone from Scott and Pearl. He couldn't deal with anything else at the moment. Especially when he suddenly decided he needed to clean his stove! It was really dirty. He couldn't stand it! No, he was procrastinating! He only ended up being fifteen minutes late, it was fine!

"Hello everyone! Sorry I'm late. I was cleaning my stove." Grian still felt a little strange about showing his face on camera. It would be fine, right? Definitely. No need to stress. There did seem to be more people in the chat than last time. 1,257 viewers? That couldn't be right. He'll just ignore that.

"Today we are going to work on the village painting from last time-"

He had really been in that village, hadn't he. In his past life-

Don't think about it.

"I can answer any questions you might have about the game too! But for now, let's get started."

This was a terrible idea, why had he decided to do this? He couldn't not think about it-

Don't think about it.

He chatted idly about various things, mainly focusing on his painting. Then he noticed the chat getting feisty again.

papertown: Where is hot guy?
Smallishbeans: Yes, where is your boyfriend?
valiant_skeleton: Dating?
mic_is_dead: I knew it!!!
s0ck_s: I want to see hot guy!
Blackxsun: HOT GUY
Ch3riin: Yes! Hot guy :DDD
Mc12: please show us the hot guy!
eclipsianmidnight: hot guy!

"Calm down guys." Grian squinted at the chat. Right. Joel thought that Grian and Scar were dating. "Er, my boyfriend is at work, so you can't see him."

Wow. That caused chat to explode even more. Scar was too hot for his own good. And Scar liked Grian. He could have anyone and he chose Grian. And Grian liked him back-

Don't think about it.

"Guys, stop spamming chat!" Grian groaned. "Listen, I'll text him to send me a picture, okay? Then you can see him."

Grian took out his phone, texting Scar. Hopefully work wasn't too busy.

Grian: can i have a picture of you?
Scar: oh???
Scar: ive been waiting for this!
Scar: one moment!
Grian: ???

He didn't have to wait long for Scar to send him a picture.

"Scar!" Grian gasped out loud upon seeing the image. It was of Scar, giving the camera bedroom eyes, biting his lip, his shirt unbuttoned all the way, his pants also unbuttoned, his thumb hooked under the waistband of his boxers… this was far too lewd! "I can't show this!"

Grian: i didnt maan lieh that
Grian: aaaaaaaaaa
Scar: I have pictures with even more spice, if that's what you are after
Grian: i meant a normal picture!
Grian: !!!
Grian: aaaaaa
Scar: hehe
Scar: ill send you a normal picture but feel free to keep that one

Grian looked up and saw chat going even crazier. "Oh no."

Smallishbeans: hot guy too hot for stream?

"Shut up Joel!" Grian pointed at his camera. "That's it, you are all cut off from hot guy privileges. Only I can look at him. Let's just get back to painting!"

Grian tried to concentrate on the painting, but that image of Scar kept coming to mind. What did he mean by more spice? Was he really about to send Grian straight-up nudes? Considering the fact that he undressed with zero provocation, he probably would send Grian nudes if he asked. Maybe he should…

A knocking came from his front door, interrupting Grian's train of thought. He placed his paintbrush down, "Wait a second chat, I'll be right back."

Grian got up, going towards the front door. How strange. Who could that be? No one knocked at his door.

Grian opened the door. Pearl was standing on the other side, her eyes red, mascara smudged, her lips quivering. "Grian."

"Pearl?" Grian grabbed her arm and pulled her inside. "What's wrong?"

"Please, I need your help."

Chapter Text

"What can I do?" Grian felt panic rising in his chest upon seeing Pearl's face. Hearing her shaky voice begging for help was nearly heart breaking.

"He hit me, Grian." Pearl put her hands up to her face, "Dad hit me."

"What?" Grian felt all his confusion and panic turning into rage. White hot rage that boiled inside, turning his vision red. No one hurt his sister. No one. "He hit you? I'm calling the cops-"

"No. Please don't." Pearl grabbed his arm, he could feel how much she was shaking. "I don't want to ever see him again."

"Okay. Hold on." Grian had no idea what was going on but he never felt so angry in his entire life. How dare his father hurt his sister. He always thought his father adored Pearl way too much to ever do something like that. "Sit down, you have to tell me everything."

Pearl nodded meekly, heading over towards the couch. She sat down, holding her hands to her face. Grian handed her the box of tissues, feeling so helpless as she wiped her face and blew her nose.

Grian had never seen Pearl like this. It must've been bad, whatever happened. He went to sit beside her when he suddenly remembered the stream he left running. "Just one second Pearl!"

He quickly sprinted to his room, his feet sliding on the hardwood flooring. He didn't even say anything, he just shut off the stream. Hopefully they hadn't heard anything. He would figure out some explanation later.

Grian rushed back to the couch, sitting next to his sister. "Sorry. Tell me what's going on?"

Pearl took a few seconds to look up, breathing in deeply a couple times, dabbing her eyes with the corner of a tissue. "I had a fight with Dad this morning. I told him that I don't want to work for his company when I graduate college. He called me ungrateful and that I wasted all his money."

Grian gripped his fist tightly. Why was his dad so dead-set on having his children work at his company? He honestly wanted to scream. "It's your life, you do what you want."

"I know. Dad didn't agree, he kept screaming at me, calling me worthless and ungrateful and all kinds of horrible things. I told him I wasn't going to just let him yell at me and that I was leaving. He grabbed me and said I couldn't abandon him like, uh, like you did." Pearl hung her head. "I reminded him that he kicked you out and that's when he hit me."

"That bastard." Grain grit his teeth so tightly it hurt, he started to stand without even realizing what he was doing, "I'm going to teach him a lesson."

Pearl grabbed his arm. "Grian. Stop. It's not worth it."

Grian sighed and sat back down. No, it would be worth it to hit that man back. Grian felt like every fiber of his being was vibrating with rage. He punched the couch cushion next to him. "I'm so pissed off! He's such a jerk! I can't believe he hit you and has the gall to say I left when he kicked me out! He's the one who deserves to be hit!"

"Maybe so, but I don't want you to get in trouble." Pearl looked down at her lap. "I just need some place to stay. I can't go back there."

"You can stay here." Grian was pretty sure Scott said he needed a roommate, couldn't Pearl stay there... No, Grian didn't want to talk to him, he would definitely bring up the death game dreams…

Don't think about it.

"I can probably get Scar and some of the other guys to go with you to pick up your stuff tomorrow too." Grian tried his best to smile. "It's going to be okay, Pearl. You're making the right choice."

Pearl took a weary breath. "I hope so. He's probably gonna take me off his insurance too. What am I going to do about next semester at school? Oh no…"

"One thing at a time." Grian chuckled, albeit a bit sadly, "Let's make sure you are safe first and then we can figure everything else out. Are you okay though? Did he injure you seriously when he hit you?"

"I'm okay." Pearl rubbed her arm, covered by her hoodie. "It'll probably bruise but I'll be okay. Thanks for letting me stay. I know you and Scar just started dating, I don't mean to get in the way of your little love nest."

"What!" Grian hopped up to his feet. "We aren't dating!"

"That's not what Lizzie said." Pearl smirked. Well, that was like a smile, it was good to see her cheering up. "She said that she got you two together."

"Yeah. I don't know why she was so insistent on that." Grian sighed. "We aren't actually dating, we just told her that so she would stop trying to hook us up. But don't tell her that!"

"Oh? Because apparently Scar told her that he liked you and Lizzie was sure you liked him too but we all know how dumb you are when it comes to romance. She just had to intervene and get you two together." Pearl laughed.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm an idiot." Grian probably was an idiot, actually. In this life and the last…

Don't think about it.

"So you know Scar likes you, you like him, what's the problem?" Pearl looked up at him, her face still a mess of tear tracks and smudged make-up.

"It's complicated." Grian started to walk towards the fridge. "Go wash up, I'll get some beers, I'll try to explain it."

"Isn't it too early to drink?" Pearl stood up, heading for his bathroom.

"Nah. It's fine." Grian shrugged. "I mean unless you have some big plans for today."

"Not really." Pearl headed into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

Grian pulled out a couple of beers. He wasn't even sure how to explain to Pearl what was going on between him and Scar. He didn't even want to think about it. Although maybe if he did talk about it to someone he could figure out his feelings. That would make things a lot easier, right? If he could love Scar like a normal person did. They could go on real dates and hug and kiss…

Ahaha, maybe not.

Pearl returned, her face a bit red from where she had scrubbed it. Grian handed her a beer as he sat on the couch. "I don't even know where to start."

"At the beginning?" Pearl offered.

There was no beginning. At least not in this life.

Don't think about it.

Grian cracked open his beer and took a sip. "I'm pretty sure I'm in love with Scar. I don't know what else this feeling could be." Grian paused, feeling his throat constrict. He couldn't talk about this, actually, "It's too embarrassing to tell my sister about this!" Grian buried his face in his hands.

"Aww, little Gri Gri is in love!" Pearl laughed. "Come on, tell me more!" She grabbed his shoulder and shook him back and forth.

"Ugh!" Grian pulled himself from her grasp. "I don't know what to tell you. I guess that whenever I think about kissing him I get so scared I feel like my heart will explode and that I'll literally die."

"Hmm." Pearl sipped her beer. "Grian, uh. I don't mean to pry, but have you ever kissed anyone before?"

"Of course I have!" Grian scoffed. "I've kissed plenty of people."

"Thank goodness. I was scared my little brother was completely hopeless."

"We are the same age!" Grian shouted.

"I'm older by ten minutes." Pearl laughed. "Little brother."

"You are the worst." Twins are the same age! It didn't matter who came out first! Why was Pearl so insistent on being older? "Anyway, I kissed BigB in high school!"

"Did you really?" Pearl didn't look like she believed him in the slightest.

"Yeah! I sure did!" Grian took an angry sip of beer. "I'm not some innocent soul or something. I don't know why I feel so scared to kiss Scar."

"Just go for it. I think you are overthinking it. Nothing bad will happen. It's just a kiss, right?" Pearl shrugged. "I mean, you better get Scar before someone else snatches him away."

"Err." Wait. Would Scar date someone else? Grian hadn't considered that possibility. Sure he might live here, since Grian was his home, but that didn't mean that he couldn't date someone else. The thought of someone else kissing Scar, nope. Grian did not want to think about that. "Oh no."

"See? Kissing is less scary than losing him." Pearl chuckled. "You know, I had a strange dream about Scar."

"Yeah?"

"Yup! He was a wizard living on top of a mountain and everyone kept trying to steal his lives." Pearl tapped the top of the can. "He had lives for sale."

"That's weird." Grian shrugged. He tried to imagine Scar as a wizard. It was surprisingly easy. "Wait. Why are you dreaming about him? Are you going to steal him away from me?"

"Nope! Never. He's all yours." Pearl laughed. "Lizzie was in my dream too. She was like a Queen, Ren was her knight."

"You have some strange dreams, Pearl." Of course Grian had strange dreams too. "Hey, do you want to watch some YouTube videos? I think I saw a good one I wanted to watch earlier."

"Sure. That'll keep my mind off things."

Grian grabbed his laptop, which took a minute since he had so many freaking wires to disconnect, and brought it into the living room. He definitely had a message from Joel, but he'd check that later. He placed his laptop on the coffee table, looking up the video he wanted to watch.

"Hmm. An hour long documentary on a video game I've never played." Pearl looked at the screen. "Fascinating."

"It's my house, I get to pick the movies!" Grian pressed play and leaned back on the couch, drinking his beer. This was a bit familiar, wasn't it? Hadn't he and Scar done something similar when Scar first moved in? Unrelated, but hadn't Scar also tried to take off Grian's pants? Oh the memories. Scar hadn't changed at all! He was always trying to get Grian or himself out of their clothes. Grian's mind wandered back to that photo Scar sent him earlier. He couldn't get that picture out of his mind. Scar had definitely taken that picture in the bathroom of this apartment. When had he done that? He said he had more pictures? What was he doing in the bathroom? Had he done it while Grian was home? The possibilities boggled Grian's mind, making it very hard to concentrate on the video.

Eventually Scar came home. Grian explained the situation to him and Scar agreed to help Pearl out tomorrow. Grian was so glad that Pearl was getting out of a bad situation. His idiotic father could never hurt them again.

They ate dinner together. Pearl seemed a bit wary of Scar still, but she seemed a lot happier now. After dinner they all hung out together, watching videos and chatting. It was nice to have Pearl around again. Grian hadn't realized how much he missed his sister.

It started to get late, Scar yawning, which made Grian yawn, which made Pearl yawn. A vicious cycle of yawning! "Let's head to bed." Grian looked over at Pearl. "Er, you can sleep in my bed."

"Are you sure?" Pearl furrowed her brows. "I don't want to put you out."

"It's fine, I'll sleep-"

"With me?" Scar interrupted.

"On the couch." Grian finished. "You have to work tomorrow, you won't get any sleep if I'm there."

"Oh?" Scar's smile twisted, "Naughty."

"Oh my god." Grian rolled his eyes. "Come on, let's get ready for bed before we all pass out on the couch."

They all got ready for bed. Grian pulled out a spare blanket and pillow and stretched out on the couch. It wasn't so bad, it was pretty comfortable, actually. He snuggled into his blanket, finding that sleep took him quickly.

"I can't let Scar die."

Another bloody battle. Dogwarts had fallen.

Grian missed those cold nights in the desert, sleeping next to Scar, gently holding his hand. His home was gone. Pizza was gone. Nearly everyone else was gone too. How had Grian managed to survive? How had Scar managed to survive?

A panic grew as Grian started to realize what would happen if Scar and Grian were the only ones left.

Scar bribed Bdubs with a clock. Bdubs took out Impulse. BigB attacked and was also taken out by Bdubs. There were only three remaining.

"We could just arrange for me to win the series!" Grian joked. No more killing. He couldn't bare to kill Scar.

"No, I have a solution!" Scar pushed Bdubs across the swamp. "Bdubs, you stand here. Grian, you stand here."

Even if Scar was on his red life, his skin a sickly gray, his hands were still warm on Grian's back as he pushed him into position. Grian craved that touch.

They'd never get to spend another tender night in bed together, would they?

"Okay." Scar held out a piece of paper, dropping it to the ground. "Whoever gets the no kill pass, I don't kill."

Bdubs immediately started to run. Grian didn't have any time to waste! He dove at the paper, trying to flap his useless wings to propel him faster, but he wasn't fast enough. His fingers just barely touched the corner of the paper when Bdubs snatched it away.

"No!" Grian screamed. Scar didn't hesitate, slashing him across his chest with a sharp diamond sword. Flames flickered at his skin from the enchantments, burning him alive. He couldn't escape, he couldn't think. The pain overwhelmed him as he screamed, "Scar! After all we've been through-!"

His sentence was cut short when Bdubs shot him with an arrow.

"Betrayal!" Grian jumped out of his bed, still feeling the lingering fire spark across his skin. He had to kill Scar now. He needed to see his blood. He wanted to tear him limb from limb, he was so angry.

Ah. So this was what it was like being red. He vaguely wondered how Scar managed to keep his instincts in check and sleep peacefully next to Grian. All Grian wanted was to see Scar bleeding out on the ground. How dare he betray Grian! He equipped some gear, letting his red nature completely consume him. There would be blood and it would be glorious.

Grian sat up on the couch, feeling his heart beating far too fast. What was that dream? No, it wasn't a dream, not really. Is that what really happened? Had Scar betrayed him at the end? That didn't seem like Scar. And besides, they must've won together, right? How else could Scar remember? Grian needed to see Scar.

He really needed to see Scar.

Chapter Text

How many times had Grian climbed into bed with Scar now? This was the third time, wasn't it? At least if he counted the time they spent at Joel and Lizzie's house. It's like he couldn't resist it, he wanted to be close to Scar as often as possible.

Although, as soon as he opened the door and saw Scar sleeping peacefully, he thought better of himself. It would be silly to wake Scar up over a dream. Even if that dream was real, in a sense. He didn't want to think about that, so why was he even here?

If he didn't wake up Scar, it wouldn't be awful of Grian to sleep in his bed, right? Grian just wanted to be close to Scar, he didn’t have to be awake for that to happen. It wouldn’t be nice to wake up Scar right now anyway, he had work in a couple hours and he had to help Pearl move too. Grian climbed into bed with Scar, moving slowly and carefully so that he wouldn't wake him up. He stayed a bit away from Scar, lying on his side, watching him sleep.

Scar looked so peaceful when he was sleeping. While awake he always had a mischievous air to him, but with his eyes closed and his breath coming evenly, he looked so calm. It was wonderful, Grian wanted to burn the image of Scar sleeping into his memory. It was a far better image than the one he saw in his dreams, of Scar’s dead and bloodied face.

Why couldn’t he stop thinking about that? Grian just wanted to forget.

Maybe if he kissed Scar he could forget everything. Or maybe not. His desire to kiss Scar was so mixed up in his confusion over the whole death game thing he really wasn’t sure what he wanted at all. It just felt like a good idea to kiss him. Yeah. Kissing Scar would surely fix all his problems. Perfect, sound logic. Grian was so smart.

He couldn’t just kiss Scar though. If he could just kiss him he would’ve done that a long time ago. Grian needed to think smaller. He kissed his own thumb, looking over at Scar’s soft lips. With his heart beating rapidly, he reached over and pressed his thumb against Scar’s lips. That was like a kiss, right? Grian felt panic and excitement racing through his body, he was literally going to explode, why had he done that, he shouldn’t be touching Scar when he was sleeping anyway, that was really rude, and-

“Grian?” Scar’s eyes blinked open.

“Eee.” Grian jolted backwards, hitting the edge of the bed and flailing to keep himself from falling.

“Careful.” Scar’s hand shot out, pulling Grian in closer towards him. “Ah, so I see you couldn’t resist my charms and came to bed with me.”

“Yeah. Well. I wanted to see you.” Grian felt so stupid. Why had he even been trying to keep distance from Scar in the first place? Knowing that the death games were real didn’t really change anything, right? It was just impossible to not think about it when Scar was so close. And Scar was devastatingly close. Grian could feel his body heat under the sheets. Such wonderful warmth.

Scar smiled at him. “Honestly, I'm happy. I was a little scared that I drove you away by making all those jokes about us sleeping together.”

Grian squinted at him. “Yeah, I don’t think those were jokes.”

“No, I guess not. If you ever said yes then I definitely would sleep with you.” Scar grinned, placing a hand on the top of Grian’s head. “Do you want to? Is that why-?”

“No Scar.” Grian chuckled. “I’m not here for that. I don’t think I’m ready for that at all, honestly.”

“Oh.” Scar’s eyes went wide. “Oh! Are you a virgin? Oh my gosh, I’ll take things much slower-”

“I’m not a virgin Scar. I slept with my previous roommate, actually.” Grian felt like his throat was closing up. Ah. Something else he rather not think about.

“Oh. So did I, actually!” Scar ruffled Grian’s hair.

“You slept with Cub?” Oh. Grian felt something terrible bubbling up in his chest. He couldn’t even really qualify it with words. Just an awful, horrible tightness.

“Yeah. It was more like friends with benefits than anything.” Scar shrugged against his pillow. "We haven't done anything since I moved in here."

“Right.” Grian sighed. Scar was definitely allowed to sleep with whoever he liked. They weren't dating, at least not officially, and that had no bearing at all on what Scar did in the past. It wasn't fair of Grian to get jealous of Scar sleeping with someone.

“I’m a little jealous, actually.” Scar replied, quietly, echoing Grian’s thoughts.

“Huh?” Grian looked over towards him. Why on Earth would Scar be jealous of Taurtis? He didn’t even know him.

“You slept with your previous roommate. I bet you kissed him too.” Scar looked down at the sheets on his bed. “You won’t do that with me though.”

“Er, Scar, it’s not really like that, you know that.” Grian wasn’t even sure how to explain it. “It wasn’t special. It only happened once when I was drunk. I really couldn’t talk to Taurtis after that either. It was a pretty bad experience, all things considered.”

“Hmm.” Scar hummed. “Is that why you are scared to kiss me? You think that things will drastically change and we’ll drift apart?”

“I don’t know. I’m just scared.” Grian took a deep breath. “You’re different, Scar. It's not like I don't want to kiss you, I'm sorry I'm not able to."

"It's perfectly okay! I don't mean to put pressure on you." Scar looked at Grian with a kind smile. "I do think that maybe you have a bit of trauma? I mean when you have a bad experience of course you'll be worried it'll happen again."

"Maybe. I don't know." Grian didn't think it was because of Taurtis though. Maybe it was trauma. Maybe… "Scar. Um. How does your video game end?"

"What?" Scar cocked an eyebrow at Grian. "What does that have to do with this?"

"I mean. We won together, right? We both won the death game." That nightmare, maybe that was his real trauma. That nightmare of Scar dying was just a nightmare, it had to be. Grian had a vague thought that maybe he was so scared to kiss Scar because in his nightmare he ended up kissing a dead man. If it was just a dream, then maybe he wouldn't be so scared. He had to confirm that Scar had his memories because they won together! Grian wouldn't kill him!

"Grian. What are you saying?" Scar's body tensed up slightly, he pulled away from Grian, just by a few inches, but it felt like an ocean of impassable distance had formed between them.

Oh. Grian had messed up. He had dropped the pretense of the video game being just a video game. He should laugh it off, pretend it was a joke or that he was sleepy and confused. What would that solve though? If he lied, the distance between them would only grow. Grian hadn't been able to really talk to Scar the last couple days. He couldn't keep this all locked up in his chest anymore.

"Only the winners can remember." Grian felt his voice going higher in pitch as he squeaked out his words. "So we both must've won."

"Grian." Scar went silent for a second, his face scrunched in concentration. "What exactly do you remember?"

Scar knew, didn't he? He knew those dreams weren't just dreams. This was real. Grian couldn't avoid the truth anymore, he had to think about this. "I can't remember everything. The ending isn't clear at all. But it's not just a dream, right? That was our past life."

"Yes. I believe that it's our past life." Scar reached over and grabbed Grian’s hand. "I didn't think you realized, I didn't even really know myself, I mean, how could I? It seems like a wild fantasy!"

"We aren't the only ones who remember." Grian had to tell Scar. He should know the truth. "Scott remembers too, that's what he called me over to talk about the other day. There were at least two other death games and he won them."

"Really? I'm relieved." Scar chuckled. "I thought I was losing my marbles. It's really real. Wow."

"Yeah. It sounds crazy, but it's real." Grian felt a bit relieved too. Somehow saying it hadn't been as difficult as he thought it would be. Wasn’t it better to have this out in the open? It was at least better than trying to avoid thinking about it. "I can't remember what happened at the end. I just remember when Bdubs killed me and I felt like you betrayed me. What happened?"

"Um." Scar bit his lip, looking over to the side. "Is that why you can't kiss me?"

"I don't know. I just need to know Scar. What happened?" Grian pleaded.

"I don't know if we both won, but we both agreed upon it, before the end, as we stood in that circle of cactus, that we both had won." Scar rubbed a hand against Grian's cheek. "Does that make you feel better?"

Did it? Wait. The ring of cactus, where the final battle took place. They had fought, hadn't they? Did he really want to know the outcome? He felt like he would break if he found out he actually killed Scar. "A little better." Grian should change the topic, he couldn't bear to think about that anymore. "How long have you been having these dreams, Scar? I mean you based your game off it, so it didn't start recently, right?"

"No. I first had them when I was a kid. Not long after my parents died." Scar leaned in closer to Grian, much to his relief. "Back then I had a lot of trouble coping with everything, so I guess I slept a lot to escape reality. I always had these dreams and even if it was a death game it felt better than the real world. I spent a lot of time asleep. Being awake meant I had to deal with my family being gone and no one else wanting me."

"Scar." Grian leaned his forehead against Scar's head. "I'm sorry you went through that."

"It's okay. I never really suspected that it was anything other than a dream until I met you at the gas station." Scar looked directly into Grian's eyes. "You looked just like the Grian of my dreams! You had the same name. I thought maybe you were the same, but it was hard to believe. I wanted it to be you, I really did. It is you. It's really you."

Grian laughed, rubbing their foreheads together. "It's me. I can't believe it, but we are together again, aren't we?"

Scar nodded. "Even in another life we found each other. Is it fate? Or something?"

"Well. You are my home. I don't know about fate, but you always find your way back home, don't you?" Grian smiled, his heart feeling so light. "I've always wanted to find a home, you know."

"Oh really?" Scar smiled back at him.

Grian hardly wanted to think about this either, but tonight was apparently full of him thinking about everything regardless of how he felt. "Yeah, it's a little dark, but when I was thinking of taking my own life back in high school, I remember wishing so desperately for a home to return to. I felt so lost then, you know? I just wanted, more than anything else, a place that I could feel comfortable in, a place I wanted to go back to. I finally have that. I'm so glad I'm alive and that I have my home."

"Grian." Scar's eyes were tearing up as he took a heaving breath.

"Don't cry." Grian placed a hand on the side of Scar's face.

"I can't help it." Scar pushed his face into Grian's chest, hiding it from view. Grian cradled the back of his head. Maybe he shouldn't have brought his suicide attempt up, he didn't want Scar to cry. "I'm scared, Grian."

"Scared?" Grian asked.

"It's stupid." Scar shook his head, still keeping it hidden from view. "I'm scared you might try to hurt yourself again."

"I'm not going to do that. I promise." Grian had been struggling to live all this time, he wanted to live now, definitely.

Scar took a shuddering breath. "Grian, please, if you feel that way again, please talk to me about it. Or any of your other friends."

"I will. Please don't worry about that. It's okay." Grian smoothed Scar’s hair. "This is the happiest I've ever been, actually. I mean, I know our situation isn't the best, but we have each other, right?"

Scar looked up at him, his eyes slightly red. "True."

"You should probably get some sleep, you have to work in the morning." Morning always came way too fast, didn't it? Grian didn't want to cut their conversation short, but he felt emotionally drained.

"It's okay." A sly grin appeared on Scar's face. "I texted Cub and he's letting me have the day off tomorrow so I can help Pearl. We can stay up all night."

"Oh my god." Grian felt his face burning. "Actually, do you want to meet Scott soon? We probably should all talk about the death games. I've been ignoring him a little, he texted me earlier and I didn't answer, he probably wants to talk too."

"Sure, sure. I'm interested in his death games!" Scar's smile looked even more devious. "Why didn't you text him back? Did you get too distracted by my text message?"

That picture Scar had sent him had been distracting, actually, even if that wasn't the reason he didn't get back to Scott. Grian gathered every bit of courage, his heart beating wildly, as he asked, "Well. You said there were more pictures, right? What… what were you doing in our bathroom, exactly?"

"You want to know?" Scar leaned in closer, whispering in Grian's ear, "I could show you, I didn't just take pictures, there is a video too."

"Ahhh." Grian covered his face with his hands. A video? "Oh my god Scar. How are you still horny after the conversation we just had?"

"I can't help it if I want you!" Scar did back off a bit, leaning back against his pillow. "I mean this must be destiny!" He gently ran a hand along Grian’s side, stopping at his hip. "We will sleep really well after that, I'm sure!"

"Not, not yet." Grian really wasn't prepared for that yet. "I'll tell you when I'm ready."

"Ah, when. Not if." Scar smirked at him. "I look forward to that day. We probably should get some sleep, even if I'd rather tease you all night."

Grian chuckled. "You can tease me later, okay? Goodnight, Scar."

Scar closed his eyes, his hand still lingering at Grian’s hip. "Night, Grian."

Grian had more difficulty falling asleep than he typically did, his mind busy thinking about Scar and their past life and most importantly, the warm hand upon his hip. Funny how that was the most distracting thing of all. He was surprised that he fell asleep at all.

The next morning, Grian woke up, feeling a sad lack of warmth. Before he even opened his eyes, he felt around blindly for Scar. Scar had clearly gotten up already. Sad, Grian wanted to cuddle with him more since Scar didn't have to work today. He could hear murmured voices from the living room, so he reluctantly got up.

Grian opened the door and saw Scar and Pearl sitting at the table, drinking coffee and chatting. Scar was using his kitty mug while Pearl had one of the many mismatched mugs from the cupboard. They both looked over at Grian, a little shocked.

"Eh? Is something going on?" Grian wandered over to make his own cup of coffee in his kitty mug.

"Nothing!" Scar and Pearl both replied at the same time.

So something was definitely going on then. Were they planning a prank? Or something? Scar wasn't spilling some secrets, was he? Oh no. Grian poured his coffee with a groan.

"Hey Grian!" Pearl sounded far too chipper for this early. "What is today's date?"

"Uhhh?" Grian shrugged as he opened the fridge for some creamer.

"What month is it?" Pearl giggled.

"I don't know. July?" Grian hadn't looked at the date recently. "It's summer. It's hot."

"See." Pearl said in a meaningful way to Scar.

"I guess you are right." Scar replied.

Yeah. They were plotting something. It was too early to deal with this. "If you guys are going to prank me and make me think it's December or something that's not gonna work. I'm not that oblivious."

"Drats." Scar laughed.

"I see you did sleep with Scar last night." Pearl took a sip of her coffee as Grian sat at the table. "So much for the two of you not dating."

"We aren't dating." Grian drank his coffee down. He saw Scar's expression flicker for a moment to something resembling disappointment. "Er, we haven't discussed it, I guess. I don't think we have to put a label to our relationship anyway, can't we just-"

"It's okay, Grian." Pearl gave him the most mischievous smile, "I'm sure you guys are just two bros being so hetro. Just normal guy things! Cuddling with your homies!"

"Oh my god. Why did I let her stay?" Grian shook his head, sipping more of his coffee. He had a feeling it was going to be an interesting day.

Chapter Text

Grian: Bdubs, I need help with something
Bdoubleo100: omw
Grian: I didnt say what I needed…?

Grian looked up from his phone when he heard a loud banging at the front door. Surely that couldn't be Bdubs, right? He didn't run all the way from his apartment to this apartment in the scant few seconds it took Grian to text him. Right?

Grian opened the door to see Bdubs standing there, a large grin on his face, panting slightly as he caught his breath. "How can I help?"

"You didn't have to run here." Grian chuckled. "Are you busy today? I know it's a lot to ask for, but I need help moving my sister out of a bad situation."

"Sister?" Bdubs looked past Grian and into the apartment. "Hello!"

"Hi!" Pearl timidly waved back. "I'm Pearl. Do I know you? You look awfully familiar!"

"I don't think so!" Bdubs leaned against the doorframe. "I think I'd remember a second Grian. Anyway, I'm Bdubs. You need help moving? That shouldn't be a problem. Is it far from here?"

"Not particularly." Pearl shrugged. "It's on the other side of the city."

"Okay. When do you wanna do this thing?" Bdubs asked, looking over his shoulder towards the hallway. "Me and Etho are free today, so we can help whenever. There's a price though."

"A price?" Pearl picked up her bag from the table. "I have some cash-"

"Grian can't prank us!" Bdubs said, his voice much higher pitched than normal. "For at least three months!"

"What!" Grian placed a hand against his chest. "That's far too high of a price, I can't possibly pay."

"It's okay, Grian." Scar came up behind him and whispered in his ear. "I'll prank them on your behalf."

"Then I totally accept!" Grian grinned brightly.

Bdubs started, "What were you whispering-"

"Don't worry about it. I, Grian, will not prank you or Etho for at least three months in exchange for helping my sister move."

"Okay…" Bdubs said slowly, like he didn't really believe it.

"Thanks." Pearl stood up, holding her phone. "We should probably go soon, mom said that dad left for work. I'd rather not run into him."

"Sounds good! I'll go get Etho!" Bdubs rushed away from the door.

"Well that was easy." Grian shut the door. "For some reason I thought it would be harder to get help."

"You have great friends!" Scar pulled on Grian's arm. "I still have some boxes from when I moved, let's go get them."

"Okay." Grian followed Scar back into his room. Hopefully moving Pearl out would go smoothly. Grian wasn't looking forward to this, but it had to be done. Pearl couldn't stay with that awful man they called their father anymore.

Grian wasn't sure why he agreed to go with everyone to help Pearl move. Maybe he didn't want to seem useless? Everyone else was helping, so he should too. He really didn't want to go back there, to his childhood home. He felt like it would bring out all the worst memories. In fact, as they passed by the train station near his house, Grian felt his throat closing up as panic filled his brain. Yup. He really didn't want to be here, he felt like he might die and/or pass out. Maybe both? Couldn't they just turn around and go home?

Grian reached over and grabbed Scar's hand. Scar smiled at him, squeezing his hand. It was fine. He was strong. Grian would help Pearl and then they could all forget about this house. Grian would never have to return here again.

Etho pulled up to the light yellow house that was Grian's former home. It wasn't anything too extravagant, although it was Victorian, white pillars lining the porch. Green bushes ran alongside the porch. In the spring, purple flowers bloomed from those bushes, but in the dead heat of summer there was no such brightness. In fact, the typically green lawn was looking brown. Grian was surprised his dad let it get that way. He was always going on about how a lawn was a house's pride or something stupid. To see it was less than immaculate was a rare sight.

Grian got out of the van and looked up at the three story building. Yup. He was completely full of dread. From here he could see the backyard, along with the firepit. That's where his father had burned all his art. Grian could practically see the flickering flames, even in the daylight. He shook his head, that wasn't real. His dad couldn't burn anymore of his art. He still couldn't rid himself of the awful feeling. It was like it was happening all over again, his paintings going up in flames, all his passion and hard work burning away.

Grian grabbed Scar's hand. Softly, Scar looked at him and whispered, "Are you alright?"

"Maybe." Grian felt his shoulders slump. He hated feeling like this. He wasn't weak, he could deal with this. This was nothing! It was just a house. The memories couldn't actually hurt him. "Let's get this over with."

Grian helped Scar and Pearl carry in the boxes. While they helped Pearl pack, Etho and Bdubs took apart her bed. Etho easily hoisted the frame up, "I think we should bring the bed back first. We won't all fit in the van with the mattress."

"Okay. We'll finish packing up." Scar threw his apartment keys towards Bdubs. Bdubs fumbled for a moment but managed to secure the keys.

"I can carry the mattress!" Bdubs pocketed the keys, pulling the mattress from the room. Grian heard several loud thumps as he left the room, hopefully he hadn't broken anything? Not that Grian really cared, but he didn't want to cause trouble.

He really didn't like this. If Etho and Bdubs left, they would be trapped here. Grian didn't like the thought of having no way to quickly leave? What if his father came home? Grian didn't think he could stand to see him.

Now he should just concentrate on getting everything packed up. As he was placing some of her clothes into a box, Scar sat down next to him.

"Are you alright? You're being quiet." Scar helped place some of the clothes into the box.

"I'm fine." Grian tried to not show how tense he felt. Soon this would be over. His minimum amount of discomfort in the meantime didn't matter much. Hopefully they could get this done before Etho and Bdubs returned so they could leave immediately. Grian didn't want to spend a minute longer than he had to in this house.

"Oh look!" Pearl was packing away books from her bookshelf into a box. "It's my yearbook from freshman year!"

"Oh no." Grian really hated looking at past pictures of himself. Or any pictures of himself? In fact he'd prefer it if no one ever perceived him.

"I want to see!" Scar scrambled over towards her.

Grian groaned loudly as he scooted over towards Pearl. "We can look at it later, we should be packing-"

"Baby Grian!" Pearl held up the yearbook for Scar to see.

Grian grit his teeth as he looked at the picture. It was definitely him, from the before times. His hair was way too long, hiding his face from view, mostly. He still had a nearly wicked grin though. He had probably done something mischievous, not that he remembered. He was always doing something mischievous when he was in high school.

"Cute!" Scar took the yearbook in his hands. "Are you two identical twins?"

"Yeah, sometimes we played tricks on our teachers. It was a lot of fun." Pearl looked over towards Grian. "This was right before Grian cut his hair short. He did a really bad job, I had to fix it."

Grian crossed his arms, "It's hard to cut your own hair."

"Yeah, yeah." Pearl waved a hand dismissively. "You look like you need a haircut, should I cut it for you?"

"Let's focus." Grian pointed at the box. "We need to pack."

"I know. Maybe I want to procrastinate. It's just a little difficult." Pearl closed the yearbook and placed it on her lap. "I've lived here my whole life. It's hard to pack up everything."

Scar frowned. "It's not fun."

Grian remembered when he left this house. He hardly had time to be sentimental or anything. He didn't even have help. He just wanted to leave as quickly as possible, honestly. Still he could understand Pearl's reluctance. Her whole life was being uprooted.

"It's okay Pearl. I think once you are settled in somewhere else you'll be way happier than you ever were here." Grian offered her a smile.

Pearl sighed, "I'm sure, but it's still hard."

"That's what he said." Scar mumbled under his breath.

"Scar!" Grian shouted.

Scar laughed, which seemed contagious since they all ended up laughing. After a few minutes they did get back to work. It didn't take much longer to finish packing everything up. Pearl was rather neat so everything had already been organized before they even began.

They carried the packed boxes downstairs and waited for Etho and Bdubs to return. It didn't take them very long, they pulled up along the curb. As Grian was packing everything into the back, he saw another car pull into the driveway.

Maybe he should've been more wary. Grian hadn't been on guard as he should've been. He had been afraid of this exact scenario occurring, but while packing he forgot for a moment.

It was his father. He hardly had time to think before the man threw open the car door and stormed over towards the group. "What are you doing?" Grian's father snarled at them.

It felt way too quiet. Grian couldn't even hear the birds chirping anymore. He nearly dropped the box he was holding, all the strength leaving his body. This couldn't be happening, why was he here, no, no, no, no-

"I'm leaving." Pearl moved to stand in front of Grian, almost like she was guarding him.

"You are not leaving. How ungrateful can you be?" Grian's dad snarled. He lifted his hand and out of pure panic, Grian dropped his box and leapt in front of his sister. His father paused right before the hand would've struck Grian's face.

"Arianna." The man seemed to recognize Grian at the last second, scowling as he looked him over, his hand still hovering in the air.

"That's not my name." Grian felt his blood running cold. He wanted out of here. He didn't want to speak to this man anymore. He hated this and he so desperately wanted to run away, but he had to stand up for himself. He was so tired of his father never acknowledging him for who he really was. "I'm Grian."

"Is that what you've been telling everyone? Don't you feel bad for lying? You should stop playing pretend-"

Grian was going to punch him. Screw the consequences. His father had no right to out him in front of his friends and imply that he was just pretending. Those are the same words he fed to Pearl that she regurgitated at the BBQ, weren't they? Grian was so tired of him treating him like this. He'd see how pretend this was once he got a fist to the jaw.

Grian barely saw Pearl making a fist, her whole body shaking as she lunged forward-

"Okay!" Scar grabbed both Grian and Pearl by the back of their shirts, stopping them from moving and attacking their father. "Mr Dreamslayer, I'd appreciate it if you didn't call Grian a liar."

"Who are you?" Grian's father growled at Scar, his hand finally dropping to his side.

"Grian's partner." Scar grinned at him. "We are leaving now."

"You can't leave with my children. I'll call the police."

"Go for it." Etho stood behind Scar. "I don't know what you think the police will do. Probably get upset at you wasting their time."

"Yeah!" Bdubs added on, standing on the opposite side.

Grian's father tightly clenched his fists before exhaling in a loud burst. "Fine. Don't ever come back here again."

Grian watched as his father pounded away. Well, he didn't intend to return anyway. He felt so angry he could hardly see straight. He really wished Scar hadn't held him back. His dad deserved to be hurt for what he had done. Grian sighed and picked up his dropped box. It didn't matter anymore. It didn't matter. Everything was ruined.

Bdubs and Etho must know he's trans now. Would they treat him differently? Grian didn't want that. He wished this whole stupid day hadn't happened. Why had his father come home in the middle of the day? Just to mock Grian and make him feel bad? How had he even known they were there? Did a neighbor call him or something? Had his own mother betrayed him? Dammit!

They all piled back into the van. Bdubs pulled away from the curb. Everyone was quiet, the radio wasn’t even on. Grian noticed how Pearl looked on the verge of tears as their home faded into the distance. Wow. Today was the worst! The tension in the vehicle was palpable! Grian wanted to cry too. Instead he leaned against Scar, trying his best to stay calm.

"Bdubs." Etho broke the silence. "I want McDonald's."

"What?" Bdubs squawked. "We have food at home!"

"But I'm hungry now!" Etho whined. "I worked so hard today. I deserve McDonald's." He made puppy dog eyes at Bdubs.

"Ugh. Fine." Bdubs looked in the rear view mirror. "Are you guys hungry too?"

"Yeah." Pearl sniffled.

"I'm hungry." Grian agreed.

Bdubs pulled in the nearest McDonald's. It was hard to stay upset when they were getting fast food. Had Etho done that on purpose to lighten the mood? Well it worked, somehow. Grian ate some french fries, feeling some of the tension melting away. It didn't seem like Etho or Bdubs were treating him differently either. Would things be okay?

Once they got back to the apartment, they all ate before moving the rest of Pearl's stuff into Grian's apartment. It was a bit cramped with her stuff in the living room. Jellie was curiously sniffing around at the new boxes as Etho and Bdubs left to go back to their own apartment.

"It's over." Grian flopped onto the couch.

"Yeah." Pearl looked over towards Scar. "Why did you stop me from punching my dad?"

"Well." Scar twisted his cane on the ground. "I don't have enough money to bail you both out of jail."

Grian laughed. "I feel so frustrated."

Pearl nodded. "Me too. I don’t know what to do with all this anger."

"Well." Scar tapped a finger against his lips as he thought. "Why don't you go on the roof and scream? That should vent your frustrations, right?"

"Maybe." Grian pushed himself to his feet. "It's better than doing nothing."

They all headed to the roof. There were still so many plants growing up here. A lot of tomatoes that Grian was sure Doc would love to pawn off on him. Not today. Today Grian wanted to scream! The roof really was a great place to scream, honestly. He went over to the fence lining the roof, linking his fingers between the chains, and yelled as loud as he could.

Pearl stood next to him, screaming just as loud. Scar joined in, standing on Grian's other side.

"Stupid idiot father! I hate you!" Grian felt his throat going hoarse, but he kept on yelling. It did feel good to get his emotions out like this, a little bit. "I hate you!"

They were all yelling so loud that Grian didn't really register that the door opened. He didn't realize it until someone stood behind him. Grian turned slightly to see Scott standing there.

"Grian, there you are, you having a screaming contest? You know I've been trying to contact you…" Scott trailed off as he looked at Grian’s sister. His mouth dropped open. "Pearl?"

Pearl looked behind herself, her eyes wide. "Scott?"

Chapter Text

"Is it really you?" Pearl let go of the chain link fence and placed both of her hands on her face. "I've been dreaming about you!"

Scott's eyes brimmed with tears as a smile crossed his face. "Those aren't just dreams, Pearl. It's real, it's our past lives. At least, that's what Grian and I think. But you're real. You're here."

"I'm here." Pearl moved to hug Scott but stopped short. "Is it okay? I promise I'm not as crazy anymore. I think you cured me when you blew us up."

Grian looked over at Scar, his mouth hanging wide open. Oh. Oh no. His sister wasn't in his dreams at all but that didn't mean she couldn't have been in the death games he didn't remember. If she remembered, didn't that mean she was Scott's soulmate? Hadn't he mentioned something like that?

And hadn't Pearl mentioned a dream where Grian and Scar were soulmates? Grian felt like he was going to be sick all of a sudden and he wasn't even sure why.

Pearl and Scott hugged for a brief moment while Grian was trying to comprehend it all. When they broke the hug, Scott paused, looking over at Scar, "Er, this must be very confusing to you-"

"No, no, I think I understand!" Scar put his hands up. "Grian told me you won two of the death games."

"So you remember too?" Scott released a breath. "That's a relief. I don't know if I could explain it."

Pearl looked at Grian, her brows furrowed, "You knew about the two death games and you didn't tell me!"

"Woah, wait." Grian chuckled, a little nervously. "You weren't in the death games that Scar and I won. I had no idea."

"So there were three death games then?" Pearl tented her fingers in front of her face. "We aren't in a death game now! That means my wish came true!"

"What. Wish?" Grian leaned against the fence. What was this about a wish?

"Yeah! The prize for winning, besides getting to keep your memories, is that you get a wish granted." Pearl laughed. "They asked me what I wanted right after I died and I told them I wanted a normal life. I didn't want to kill anymore. Not after everything that happened."

"She killed a lot. Especially at the end. She took out nearly everyone on her own." Scott nodded his head. "I nearly forgot about that. I made a wish too. I wished to be connected with someone next time, not that it really worked out in my favor."

"Hey!" Pearl grinned and slapped his arm.

"Who exactly was granting these wishes?" Grian felt a chill go down his spine. The sky suddenly looked too dark for his liking. Was it going to rain?

Pearl shrugged. "I don't know. The ones who organized the games, I guess? I never saw them, but I heard their voices."

"Uh-huh. How completely normal and not at all ominous." Grian turned to look at Scar. "What did we wish for, then?"

Scar's eyes went wide as he looked at Grian. "I, I uh. I don't know?"

"You don't remember either?" Grian sighed. He couldn't imagine what he would’ve wished for. He was a little scared to find out. Strange that Scar couldn't remember. He seemed to remember everything else way better than Grian did. It was probably because he had been dreaming about it for so long.

"Putting that aside." Scott looked at Pearl with a slight concern in his eyes. "Did you say that you remember two games? You won two games? I remember the one we won together, as well as one that I won on my own."

"I didn't win two, exactly." Pearl pursed her lips. "I remember the one with soulmates and the one where we made the Scottage and there was the boogeyman. I didn't win that game, you won that one, right?"

"Yes. You were one of the top four with me." Scott bit his lip. "You definitely didn't win with me though."

"No, I didn't win that one. In fact, I didn't remember it at all until soulmates were chosen in the next game. It must've been a side effect of being soulbound. I think it made me go a bit unhinged when I realized that it wasn't the first game we were forced to play." Pearl scratched the back of her head. "Sorry about all the, um, crazy ex behavior."

"No, that actually explains a lot." Scott replied.

Wait a second. What if Scar only remembered because- no, it couldn't be. Grian opened his mouth-

Scar suddenly wrapped his arms around Grian from behind, resting his chin on the top of Grian’s head. "We are making a video game about our death game!"

"Are you?" Scott laughed. "Am I in it?"

"Yeah! I renamed you to Todd!" Scar laughed back.

"What? Ew. Just call me Scott."

"Am I in the game too?" Pearl bounced on her heels.

"I told you, you weren't in the game!" Grian could still feel Scar's weight, leaning on his head. His eyes flicked upwards as he asked, "Scar, how come you renamed all the characters except for me?"

"What? It's the perfect name for you." Scar shrugged. "I can't imagine calling you a different name."

Scar put more weight on him. Grian wondered if he was tired. They had moved all of Pearl's stuff today, his leg might be hurting him. "Are you alright Scar? Do you need to sit down?"

As he was speaking, a chill wind blew up and a few scattered raindrops started to fall. Scar took some of his weight off Grian, looking upwards. "I'm fine. We should get inside though."

"Oh, can I come to your apartment?" Scott asked as he started towards the door. "I have so much to talk about with Pearl."

"Sure, let's all get inside." Grian moved to Scar's side and put an arm around Scar's shoulder. "Where's your cane?"

"I left it inside?" Scar laughed a little nervously.

"Okay, do you mind if I help support you?" Grian squeezed his shoulder.

"That would be helpful, thank you."

Grian helped Scar back down to their apartment. Scott was already inside, looking around. "What's with all this stuff?"

"Oh, that's mine. I actually moved here today. I had to, uh, leave my home rather quickly." Pearl was smiling, but Grian could hear a bit of pain in her voice.

"I see," Scott sat down on the couch. "I don't suppose you need a place to stay?"

"Actually I do need a place to stay." Pearl said as Grian helped guide Scar to the couch. He sat him down and then perched on the armrest next to him so that there was room for Pearl to sit as well.

"I know this might sound weird since we technically just met, but would you like to be my roommate?" Scott asked.

Pearl flopped onto the couch next to him. "I'd love to! I won't have to live in your walls this time!"

"Do I even want to know?" Grian wondered aloud.

"It's a pretty funny story. Let me tell you!" Pearl launched into a tale of a scorned soulmate which was, to be fair, pretty amusing.

They continued to talk for a long time. Grian learned a lot about the death games he couldn't remember. In one there was a boogeyman, who much like the red, felt compelled to kill. During that game Grian lived in the Southlands while Scar was alone on Magic Mountain. Funny how he called it something similar to Monopoly Mountain. Did Scar enjoy alliteration?

Why had they lived separately in that world? Grian wasn't sure. It's not like Pearl or Scott knew either.

Mumbo and Lizzie were in that death game, despite not being in any others. Grian could only assume Lizzie being in a death game was absolute chaos. He sort of wished he could remember.

In the other games everyone had a soulmate with which they shared pain. Their lives entwined together, if one died so did the other. Grian and Scar had been bound together. Apparently they had some relationship issues? Scott said they had gone to his relationship ranch to become better soulmates but it was really a ruse that Scott had put into motion to steal their sugarcane. The couple with the most issues seemed to be BigB and Ren though. Grian sort of wished he could remember since it seemed he got a really cool kill on Ren.

It was hard to imagine killing anyone, but in a death game he supposed he would. Especially if he knew they'd all be reincarnated anyway.

Grian and Scar explained their own death game to Scott and Pearl. Unfortunately Scar was starting to nod off, leaning his head against Grian, before they could explain everything.

Scott stood up, stretching his arms. "Well, I think I should go, it's getting late. Pearl, why don't you move into my place tomorrow?"

"Sure, sure. I can't wait! I won't have to sleep in Grian's bed anymore."

"What's wrong with my bed?" Grian said loud enough to startle Scar into sitting up properly, his eyes blinking rapidly.

"It's not my bed!" Pearl stuck out her tongue at him. "I can sleep on the couch tonight, if you'd like."

"No, it's fine." Grian looked away from Scar as he quietly said, "I'll sleep with Scar tonight."

Scar seemed to immediately perk up at that, turning to look at Grian with such a wide smile. "You mean it? I mean you sneak into bed with me every night anyway-"

"Yeah, yeah. Shut it." Grian pushed Scar's shoulder as he stood up and turned to Scott. "I'm glad we could finally talk about everything."

"Me too. I'm sure we'll be seeing each other way more often since your sister is moving in." Scott replied.

With a round of goodbyes, Scott left and everyone else got ready for bed. Grian felt a little strange going into Scar's room to sleep, but he had slept with him plenty of times already. It wasn't that big of a deal, right? He did enjoy it, not that he would say that out loud.

Scar joined him in bed after he took a quick shower. He was wearing nary but his boxers. Grian couldn't help but to look him up and down. It was truly unfair how sexy he was. He had muscles but Grian never saw him work out, besides him walking everywhere. Would Grian gain muscles like that someday? Did he even want to? He didn't mind his slim build, but some muscles would be nice. Oh, and some facial hair! Grian could feel himself smiling at the thought of a beard starting to grow in.

"You can take a picture." Scar struck a pose. "It'll last longer."

Grian averted his eyes. "I didn't mean to stare."

"You can stare." Scar climbed into bed with Grian. "I don't mind. It makes me happy that you look at me like that. It's like you're in awe or something."

"You have a great body." Grian mumbled to the side. "But, are you okay? Is your leg hurting you? You worked really hard today."

"It's a little sore." Scar shrugged. "Nothing I can't handle."

"You helped me and Pearl out today. I feel bad." Grian bit his lip. "Let me help you out. Can I give you a leg massage or something to help with the pain?"

"Leg massage?" Scar tilted his head. "Is that a thing?"

"Sure it is!" Grian moved so he was sitting next to Scar's legs. "I've never done it before but it can't be that hard. Just tell me if I make you feel worse."

"Okay." Scar grinned at him.

Grian put his hands on Scar's leg. Strange how the first time he saw Scar's leg it felt like such a shock. Now he hardly noticed all the scars. He started down by his ankle, massaging the muscles. Scar did feel pretty tense, actually. Grian pressed in harder. "Is this okay?"

"Yeah. Feels good." Scar let out an airy breath. "I think I needed that. Today was really stressful."

"Mmm." Grian definitely agreed. "It was good to talk to Pearl and Scott about everything. It makes it feel more real, you know? It really happened. It's hard to believe but we really were there, in a past life."

"I'm just glad this isn't a death game." Scar chuckled as Grian moved his hand up his calf. "I like this world. I get to be your roommate."

"Yeah." Grian smiled to himself. It wasn't the best, but this world was pretty great. Especially since Scar was here. "I do wish you'd let me do a little violence though."

"Are you upset I stopped you from hitting your dad?" Scar asked.

"A little. I'm not mad at you or anything. I just wanted to hurt him." Grian paused for a second. "I guess that's not a great thing to want, but he deserves it. He's hurt me so much. I'm pissed that he outed me as trans in front of Bdubs and Etho. I want to tell people on my own, if I even tell them."

"I'm sorry. That must be frustrating." Scar reached down and ran a hand through Grian's hair. "If he does it again I'll let you punch him a little."

"I hope I don't see him again." Grian stopped what he was doing, looking up at Scar. "I'm just, I don't know. Tired."

"Tired?" Scar ran his hand down Grian's face, cupping his cheek. "You want to sleep?"

"No. I mean tired of, like, everything. It's exhausting. I just want everyone to see me as a man. I don't want to have to fight for it. I just want to be a man." Grian sighed. "I don't want everyone to look at me and think I'm just pretending like my dad does. I want them to see me as I see myself, I guess."

"I see you as a man." Scar smiled. "I had no idea you were trans at all!"

"Thanks." At least Scar was on his side. It wasn't glaringly obvious that he wasn't cis.

"I think I understand how you feel though." Scar looked himself up and down. "A little bit. I mean when people look at me they see all my scars first. They don't see me. I don't even see me. I don't know what I look like without these scars."

"Huh." Grian had definitely noticed the scars first. He felt a little guilty about it now. "I guess it is a little similar."

"Yeah, not that I can fully understand what you're going through." Scar stroked Grian's cheek before letting him go. "I learned something important though. You can't control how other people perceive you, but you can control how you feel about yourself. I want you to be happy in your body, Grian."

"I'm sure I'll get there someday." Grian moved his hand back to Scar's leg. "You shouldn't worry too much about yourself though. Everyone thinks you're hot. My whole chat calls you hot guy constantly."

"That is nice. Like a super hero! Hot Guy!"

"Don't get too full of yourself." Grian laughed, moving his hands up to Scar's thigh. He seemed really tense here. He seriously needed this massage. "Hey. Do you think I was cis or trans in our past life?"

"Huh?" Scar's face was a little red. "I don't know. It never came up."

"Hmm." Grian was a bit curious. Did the past version of himself struggle like he had? It almost felt like too much to imagine that he had been a cis man. He wasn't even sure if that would make him happy or not.

"You were Grian though!" Scar smiled. "You chose that name for yourself, right? But that was your name in our past life too. And in the lives that Scott and Pearl remember. No matter what, you are always Grian."

"Yeah." Grian smiled back. "I'll always be Grian."

He moved his hands up slightly, but before he could massage the muscles there, Scar put his hands over Grian's and muttered, "Okay. Time to stop."

"Oh." Grian pulled his hands away. "Did I hurt you?"

"Oh no. Far from it." Scar looked to the side, scratching his cheek. "It was turning me on."

Grian felt his face go red. "I'm sorry!"

"I liked it!" Scar looked back at him. "I just know that it wasn't your intention to, uh, do that. It felt very nice though."

Grian scooted back around to sit next to Scar. That was way too embarrassing. "I think we should go to sleep now. You have work early, right? And I'll be helping Pearl move in the morning too."

Scar nodded. "That's a good idea. I'm beat." Scar reached over and turned off the light. "I'll be late coming home tomorrow. I'm going to see Cub."

"Oh." Grian settled into the pillow, frowning slightly. Cub. The one Scar had slept with. Not that Grian was jealous or anything. No way.

"Are you jealous?" Scar settled in next to him.

"No. Of course not. I mean, you can hang out with your friends! You can even sleep with whoever you want! We aren't dating. I have no right to stop you. I'm not jealous, not even a little."

"Very convincing." Scar laughed as he pulled Grian in closer. "I almost believed you."

"I'm telling the truth." Grian grumbled.

"Sure you are." Scar rubbed Grian's back. "Grian, there is a simple solution to your jealousy!"

"Huh?"

"Grian, be my boyfriend." Scar placed a hand under Grian's chin, looking him in the eyes.

"What?" Grian mouthed more than said. "We haven't kissed yet."

"It's okay. We don't have to kiss to date." Scar smirked at him. "I would love to be able to call you my boyfriend. Nothing would make me happier. So would you do me the honor of dating me?"

Grian felt like his heart was going to explode. He was terrified, but he wanted to call Scar his boyfriend too. It would be okay, wouldn't it? He buried his face into Scar's chest. "Okay. You're my boyfriend."

Chapter Text

Smallishbeans: Grian
Smallishbeans: Grian Grian Grian
Smallishbeans: Is everything okay? I heard crying and you suddenly turned off the stream.
Smallishbeans: Grian???

– New Messages –

Grian: sorry Joel
Grian: family emergency
Smallishbeans: Yeah I heard from Lizzie what happened to your sister
Smallishbeans: I'm glad everything is okay now
Grian: yup, I helped Pearl move in with her new roommate today
Smallishbeans: Oh yes, I'm sure you are glad to get your love nest with Scar back
Grian: -_-
Smallishbeans: I'm sure you guys have been smooching more than Shrek and Kakashi
Grian: Shrek and Kakashi only kiss in your imagination
Smallishbeans: But they do it so much!
Grian: Bye Joel
Smallishbeans: No wait! Lizzie wants to hang out with you this Friday
Smallishbeans: Are you busy?
Grian: so busy
Grian: gotta organize my fruits by color
Smallishbeans: Yeah okay, Lizzie will be there by 2pm
Grian: okay, that's fine

Grian closed Twitter and flopped onto the couch. Jellie, who had been sitting on his lap, meowed loudly but didn't move otherwise. Grian was exhausted. Helping Pearl move again took a lot out of him. Especially since he had just helped her move the previous day. His poor body wasn't used to this much movement. Hopefully Scar was okay at work today.

Ah. Scar. His boyfriend.

Grian smiled to himself. Scar was really his boyfriend now. He could hardly believe it. It felt so right. Why hadn't they started dating before? Well it was complicated, wasn't it? Grian was scared of his own feelings, but the world wasn't ending so it must be okay.

Maybe it was okay for Grian to accept this happiness.

Jellie curled up on his stomach, gently kneading his sweater while she purred away. So cute!

What did it really mean to date though? Grian hadn't dated anyone before. Not really, at least. He wasn't exactly sure what his relationship with Taurtis had been. Actually that might be Grian's biggest problem. He just wasn't great at relationships in general. He didn't know what to do. Was something going to change now that he was dating Scar? It made him a little nervous. How should he act now?

This morning hadn't been too awkward or anything. In fact it felt like nothing had changed between them at all except calling each other boyfriends. It made him happy, but wasn't something supposed to be different?

Grian remembered the conversation they had that morning.

"So you guys are really dating now?" Pearl grinned quite wide as she poured sugar into her coffee. "I knew it. You two really are soulmates."

"Yeah." Grian felt his face burning red as he sipped his coffee from the cat mug. Scar was next to him, barely awake as he stirred a spoon around his own mug. "Just because we were soulmates doesn't mean anything. You and Scott were soulmates too and you guys aren't ever going to date."

"True." Pearl shrugged. "There's such a thing as platonic soulmates though! We can be besties!"

"Didn't you say that Etho and Joel were soulmates? Etho is engaged to Bdubs and Joel is married to Lizzie. I really don't think it means anything." Grian didn't want to think it was destiny for him to end up with Scar. That felt too forced. He wanted to be with Scar because he wanted Scar, not because it was predestined.

"I guess soulmates don't matter that much. I think it's interesting that everyone who played in the death games ended up close together, even in this life." Pearl tapped her fingers on the table. "Where are Skizz and Impulse? I haven't met them yet and nearly everyone else from our past lives in this apartment."

"They are Tango's friends. I've hung out with them when we were testing a game Tango made." Grian didn't know them quite as well as everyone else.

"Tango makes games in this world too?" Pearl sat back in her seat. "In one of the death games he ran a game called, 'You Bet Your Life,' where we bet our lives on the first one to die. I think everyone bet on Jimmy."

"Who actually died first?" Grian wondered.

"It was Joel! And you know who bet on him?" Pearl hid her face as she giggled. "His own wife!"

"That does seem like something Lizzie would do." Grian rubbed his chin. "Lizzie and Joel are married in this life, but Sausage wasn't in the death games. Hmm."

"Wait." Scar rubbed his eyes, looking a bit more awake. "Where's Martyn?"

"We went to high school with him." Grian looked over at Scar. He still looked pretty tired. Did he not sleep well? Grian had slept like a baby. It probably wasn't a great idea to sleep in Scar's bed if it kept him awake. "I'm surprised he wasn't at the BBQ."

"I think he was busy that day." Pearl shrugged. "He's working as a radio DJ."

They continued to chat until Scar had to go to work. Grian gave Scar a brief hug as he left. For a moment he almost leaned in for a kiss, but terror struck his heart and he couldn't do it. A hug was all he could manage, even if they were dating.

Grian sighed as he pet Jellie's fur. He still didn't feel ready to kiss Scar. Not at all. But he also didn't know how to make it feel like they were actually dating. Was he just overthinking things? Maybe. It didn't have to be that complicated, right?

It just felt like if Grian got too happy about this his happiness would be snatched away. He tried to allow himself a tiny bit of hope that maybe things would be okay.

As he was thinking, his eyes closed and Grian fell asleep.

Grian felt his blood boiling as he searched for Scar and Bdubs. He never put much stock in the phrase "seeing red" before but that's certainly what he was feeling now. Every single cell in his body was crying out for Scar's blood and he wouldn't be satisfied until he saw it.

He knew it all along. He knew that Scar would betray him. It was a long con, wasn't it? Every sweet moment of kindness they shared was just so that Scar could make Grian trust him so that Scar could use him. Now that trust has been broken into tiny pieces. The ruse was up. Scar had no reason to act nice anymore. Grian should've seen this coming, he had been so stupid, he had let his own feelings blind him from the truth…

Grian heard a ping from his communicator just moments before he heard actual voices, but he didn't bother to check the message. He had more important things to worry about. Bdubs and Scar hadn't killed each other yet so they must be teaming up to kill Grian. Those jerks! What strategy could Grian use to gain the upper hand here?

Grian snuck up behind them, trying to think what to do as he leapt from tree top to tree top. They seemed to be engaged in conversation and didn't notice him at all. Shouldn't they be more aware? Didn't they want his blood as he desired theirs? It was stupid to be so careless.

If they weren't going to care for their lives, Grian would gladly take them away.

"Betrayer!" Grian screamed as he leapt from the tree, thrusting the flat edge of his sword against Scar's back. Scar didn't have time to react before he went stumbling from the cliff into a clear blue pond below with a startled yelp.

Bdubs turned towards Grian, clumsily loading an arrow into his crossbow. It was too little, too late, as Grian pushed him down the cliff as well with a cry of "Both of you! Betrayers!"

Grian took out his crossbow. He had the high ground now, the only advantage he could really have in a 2v1. Just as he was about to take aim, Scar screamed at Bdubs and thrust the sword into his stomach. Bdubs slumped over, dead.

What, why had he done that? A distraction? To put Grian off his guard? It wouldn't work! "Traitor!" Griah cried, dropping his crossbow to the side and pulling out his sword. He dropped down into the water next to Scar and pointed the sword at him. "Traitor Scar."

Scar immediately knelt down, bowing his head. "You can kill me."

"What?" Grian's brows knit with concern. "No."

What was going on? Why wasn't Scar attacking him? He could easily kill Grian right now, just as he did with Bdubs. Why was he surrendering?

"Grian, for everything you did for me to keep me alive this long, you may slay me and take the enchanter." Scar grabbed Grian’s sword, directing it towards his neck.

"No. I can't." Grian gently pulled the sword away, trying to not injure Scar's hand. Scar hadn't betrayed him, had he? No. No, of course not. Grian felt tears welling up in his eyes. This man who held his hand at night and whispered about Grian being his home, he never would betray Grian.

And Grian couldn't betray him either.

"Grian." A soft voice next to his ear. Grian blinked his eyes open, the first thing he saw was Scar crouched down next to him.

"Mmm. Scar?" Grian hadn't really intended to sleep. "What time is it?"

"It's a bit after five." Scar stood up, leaning on his cane. "You looked so cute, I didn't want to wake you. But I also thought you probably didn't eat all day and that I should feed you."

"Oh yeah. Food." Grian sat up. Jellie jumped off his stomach with an annoyed meow. "Let's make dinner."

Grian stood up. Wow. He was making dinner with his boyfriend. Was that different from making dinner with his roommate? It felt like it should be different.

Scar opened the fridge. "Hmm. We need to go shopping soon. We ate more than usual with Pearl here."

"I can go tomorrow." Grian yawned. "Is there anything special you want?"

"Some more dinosaur pasta!" Scar turned towards him, his eyes sparkling.

"Of course." Grian grinned. Scar was so cute. He was manly too but he made the cutest expressions. Well, dating did mean that Grian could be more open with his affection now, right? "My adorable boyfriend."

"You are the adorable one." Scar smiled back. "My boyfriend."

Grian really liked being called that. This was so wonderful!

They cooked dinner together, but Grian found it hard to concentrate. His mind kept wandering back towards his dream. He really couldn't kill Scar in the end. Even when Scar had asked for Grian to kill him, Grian couldn't do it. Grian knew it, he wouldn't hurt Scar. That's the last thing he ever wanted. They really must've won the death game together. For a moment Grian had been scared that Scar only remembered because they were soulmates, like how Pearl could remember.

"Something on your mind?" Scar asked as he served dinner.

"No. I'm just really happy." Grian laughed. "Is it okay to be this happy that we are dating?"

"What do you mean?" Scar sat down across from him, his own plate clanking as it was set on the table.

"I don't know! It's confusing to me. I feel like I want to be happy but if I'm happy it'll get snatched away." Grian sighed.

"That's pretty silly, Grian. Who is going to take your happiness away?" Scar asked and Grian could only shrug. "I'd be worried if us dating didn't make you happy. I'm really really happy!"

"That's good." Grian cut into his chicken and took a bite. "You look a little worse for the wear today."

"Ah." Scar chuckled. "I couldn't sleep last night. I was feeling too happy. I've wanted to date you for lifetimes. It hardly feels real that we are actually dating now."

"I'm sorry." Grian cracked a grin. "I didn't realize your feelings in our past life."

"Oh! It's okay. That was a different life, we were different people in different circumstances. I've tried my best to be very forward this time." Scar leaned on his elbow and pointed his fork at Grian. "I didn't want there to be any doubts that I wanted you."

"And I still didn't get it right away." Grian scratched his chin. "I didn't even realize I liked you either. I just thought I admired your body. Wow. I am pretty hopeless."

"It's okay. We got there in the end." Scar shoveled some mashed potatoes into his mouth.

"Yeah." Grian sat back in his seat, biting his lip. "I'm just a little worried though. We are dating but it doesn't feel like anything has changed. Shouldn't dating be different from roommates?"

Scar chuckled. "Grian we were dating in all but name, up until now. I don't think anything is really going to change. I mean, unless you want it to." Grian caught a little sparkle in Scar's eyes.

"I'm not ready for like, kissing yet." Grian looked down at his plate, "Is there something you want now that we are dating?"

"I want whatever makes you happy!" Scar declared.

"That's sweet and all, but there must be something else, right?" Grian pondered, although he wasn't certain what that could be. He also wanted to make Scar happy though.

"Well." Scar waved his fork at Grian. "Send me nudes."

"Scar!" Grian slammed his hand on the table. "That's not happening."

"Okay, okay." Scar smiled a bit sheepishly. "How about this!" He scooted back in his chair. "Sit on my lap."

"What." Grian looked him up and down. "Why?"

"I don't know! I think it would be nice." Scar shrugged. "Just for a minute, okay?"

"Okay." Actually that gave Grian a devious idea. They were dating so Grian could tease Scar a little bit, right? Grian pushed back his chair and rounded the table. Scar obviously expected him to sit on his lap facing away from him, but Grian quickly settled onto his lap facing towards him, sitting down with legs straddling Scar's. He wrapped his arms around Scar's neck, "Like this?"

"Grian!" Scar's face went bright red.

Grian gave him an innocent smile as he leaned in closer to Scar's face. "What? Isn't this what you wanted?"

"Hoo. Hoo." Scar took in several deep breaths, resting a hand on the small of Grian’s back. "I didn't mean like this."

Grian scooted in closer so that their bodies were almost touching. "But I'm sitting on your lap? Isn't this what you wanted?"

"I also enjoy this but it's a bit much." Scar's smile was strained. "I think that's enough."

"Alright." Grian chuckled as he got up from Scar's lap.

Scar took several more deep breaths, a hand to his chest. "You're bad for my heart."

"Sorry." Grian smiled as he took his own seat back. "I wanted to tease you."

"It worked." Scar pulled his chair back to the table. "Not that I mind in the slightest! You can tease me all you want."

"Maybe I will." Grian went back to eating his dinner. "Oh, I forgot to ask, but did you have fun hanging out with Cub today?"

"Yes. We went shopping." Scar seemed to have calmed down, but his face was still red.

"Shopping? For what?"

"Well." Scar pursed his lips as he tapped a finger on the table. "A gift for someone?"

"Gifts are tricky. It's hard to know what to get someone. I always feel so nervous, like what if they hate it!" Although Grian didn't feel that way when he bought gifts for Scar.

"Yeah." Scar pulled on his collar. "I'm sure it'll be fine."

"It usually is. I never felt upset by any gifts I've received. I mean someone went through the effort to get me something. That's already special." A brief image came to mind of Scar giving him flowers.

"I agree! I'm always happy." Scar's eyes looked towards the lilacs sitting in the watering can on the table.

They were thinking the same things weren't they. Grian smiled to himself. "Anyway. Speaking of hanging out with friends, I'm hanging out with Lizzie this Friday."

"This Friday?" Scar sounded slightly startled.

"Huh? Is there a problem?"

"Uh. No. No problem." Scar looked down at his plate. "Everything's fine."

"Doesn't seem like it. Did you want to do something this Friday?" Grian asked. He was pretty sure he hadn't made any plans with Scar already.

"No, no. Nothing." Scar settled down and smiled. "I forgot about something! It's not important though. Don't worry about it."

"If you say so." How very suspicious. Grian didn't know if it was worth digging into. If it was really important he was sure that Scar wouldn't hide things from him. "Anyway, I'm exhausted after helping Pearl move again. Do you want to watch some videos and chill for the rest of the night?"

"Sounds good to me. I'm tired too."

Grian finished up eating his dinner. Well, it didn't seem like his happiness would be snatched away and even if he didn't entirely feel like they were dating, they had all the time in the world to figure that out. For now, Grian just wanted to enjoy a nice evening with his new boyfriend.

Chapter Text

Grian probably shouldn't have gone to Scar's bed to sleep. He wasn't even sure why he did it? It sort of just happened. It felt so natural. He didn't really want to leave once he cuddled up with Scar, despite him thinking that Scar would probably sleep better on his own. Grian was distracting him! Scar would be exhausted at work again tomorrow. Yet Grian still didn't leave.

"Grian." Scar nestled his head against Grian's shoulder. "Can I ask you something? About being trans?"

"Sure. Go for it." Grian was honestly stunned that Scar hadn't asked more questions, considering how interested he seemed in seeing Grian naked.

"Isn't wearing a binder annoying?" Scar wasn't exactly looking at Grian’s chest, but he did have an arm around Grian's stomach. Grian felt a bit too exposed, considering he definitely wasn't wearing a binder at the moment.

"It's annoying. I'm not a fan of tight clothing, but I don't really notice it that much anymore." Grian sighed. "It's better than the alternative which is constantly thinking about how much I hate my body and spiraling into negative thoughts."

"Ah. Is that why you wear it when no one is around? I was going to say you don't have to wear them around me if you don't want to." Scar snuggled in closer to Grian.

"I don't care that much if you see me, I know you aren't going to judge me. Seeing my chest myself is what upsets me. I really can't wait to get rid of them. I'm okay for short periods of time like when I sleep or shower, but even that can be a bit much. Sometimes I even imagine getting a knife and cutting them off myself."

"Don't do that!" Scar looked up at him, faintly alarmed.

"I won't. Don't worry." Grian ruffled his hair. "We need to finish the video game soon so I can get my top surgery, right?"

Scar laid his head back down on Grian's shoulder. "I've been working on the coding and dialogue while I have downtime at work. I just need to copy it and format the text correctly so it'll work in the game. That's probably the hardest part."

"Oh yeah, you said you were having issues writing the ending. Do you still need help with that?"

"No. I wrote the ending." Scar's voice sounded more distant for a moment.

"Did you decide what the true end is?" Grian wondered if it was the same as how their game actually went.

"Well. I think it should be the ending where Grian kills the main character." Scar's voice was little more than a whisper.

"Huh?" Grian's brows knit in concern. "How is that the true end? Shouldn't the true end be where Grian and the main character win together?"

"I don't know." Scar chuckled. "I think it gives the narrative more weight if the main character basically sacrifices himself so that Grian can win."

"But isn't that too sad?" Grian sat up slightly, shifting Scar from his shoulder. "Shouldn't the player get the happiest ending possible? They struggled through so much, having their character die seems too depressing."

"The main character was devoted to Grian though." Scar looked towards Grian. "He would want Grian to win for everything Grian did for him. Grian killing the main character makes the most sense given the rest of the story. It's the true end, not the best end."

"Yeah, but I don't think I could stand to kill you." Grian frowned. "I think it would kill me."

"W-would it?" Scar's voice trembled slightly. "Y-you don't think you would live a happy life after winning?"

"Doubtful. I mean." Grian felt a chill go down his spine just thinking about it. "I can't think of a single world I'd want to be in without you."

A single tear ran down Scar's cheek. "Oh."

"Why are you crying?" Grian wiped Scar's tear away. "It's okay Scar. We won the game together. I think the game should reflect that."

"Yeah." Scar lifted a hand to Grian's face, tracing down the side gently. "I'll make that the true ending, okay?"

"Okay." Grian settled back into his pillow. "Let's get to sleep. I don't want to keep you up again."

Scar laid back down. It felt like he was clutching Grian even tighter than before. "Goodnight."

"Night."

Grian did notice that Scar looked really tired again the next day, although he was trying to hide it. Grian felt awful. He didn't mean to keep Scar awake! He slept so well next to Scar, but if this continued they both should sleep alone. Very sad, but sacrifices must be made.

Scar seemed a bit bummed out but accepted Grian's decision. It was lonely to sleep alone, but Grian kept thinking that the next night he'd definitely get to sleep with Scar since he didn't have to work. Grian kidnapped Jellie and cuddled her instead of Scar that night. Scar did look a bit more well rested the next day so Grian thought it was a success!

Another day went by and before Grian knew it and it was nearly time for Lizzie to arrive. He felt a little nervous. It had been a long time since just the two of them hung out. Why did she even want to hang out?

He didn't have to wonder long, because before he knew it, she was at the door. She grinned at him, "Grian! Let's go get a haircut!"

"Uh." Hadn't Pearl mentioned his hair getting a bit long? He hadn't noticed but he rarely noticed anything about himself. Why had Lizzie decided this though? "I'm growing it out."

"Uh-huh." Lizzie didn't look convinced. "I'm not saying you have to get a haircut, but I need to get my hair dyed so come along with me."

"That sounds boring." Grian pouted. She was just using him! She obviously didn't want to go alone and she knew he was never busy!

"We can go to the art supply store afterwards." Lizzie gave him a devious grin.

Grian needed some more paint. Well he didn't need it but there were some more colors he wanted. Especially for the desert scene he was painting. "Okay. Let's go."

Grian followed Lizzie out to the car. He went to get in the passenger side but Lizzie glared at him. "The back."

"You are still going to make me sit in the back? Scar isn't even here." Grian shook his head.

"Fine. Just this once. Tell no one." Lizzie unlocked the car and let Grian in.

They drove to the hair salon. It was definitely one for women. Grian felt awkward just going in. He didn't belong here! Yet he also caught a glance of himself in one of the many mirrors. His hair was getting on the long side. When was the last time he got a haircut? He could almost put his hair up in a bun like this! Which was cute but definitely not the look he was going for.

"Er. I think I will get a haircut." Grian timidly said.

"Thought so. I made you an appointment." Lizzie smirked.

How frustrating! Grian didn't want Lizzie to be right! But he also didn't want his hair to get any longer. Whatever. He picked up one of the many magazines scattered about and pretended to look through it.

Before he knew it he was in the chair, one of those big bibs placed over his shoulders. The stylist, a young woman with short brown hair, flowers interwoven within her locks, spoke to him, "My name is Stress. So how'd you like your hair?"

"Like this. But short. I guess." This was so awkward. Why did Grian have to interact with a stranger to get his haircut? He should've let Pearl cut his hair when he had the chance.

"Alright. I can do that." The stylist started to comb through his hair. Grian couldn't wait for this to be over, honestly.

"What do you do for a living?" Stress asked him.

"I'm a freelance artist." Grian laughed. Why did he have to have such a strange job? He didn't want to keep talking! "I'm making a video game at the moment though."

"Oh! A video game! I like to play those. I was playing this bloody game, oh what was it called, Vault Hunters!" Stress seemed rather excited about video games.

"I haven't heard of that. What's it about?" Grian asked, feeling curious.

"It's where you get to dive into these vaults full of treasure! You only got a limited time and you have to solve puzzles and fight monsters. It's a lot of fun." Stress slowly started to trim his hair.

"That does seem fun. I like treasure." Maybe someday he could make a different game with Scar that was more action based. "My game is a visual novel."

"I think I heard of those. Aren't they romance games?"

"It doesn't have to be. This game actually is about a death game. You get to play as a character and make decisions that affect the story…" Grian explained the basic concept of the game to Stress. She seemed interested as she cut away at his hair.

"How's this?" Stress stopped and let Grian look at himself in the mirror.

Grian looked himself over. His hair wasn't a lot shorter, but it definitely looked neater now. "I think that's perfect."

"Alright, you're all done. Why don't you have a seat and wait for your friend to be done?" Stress freed him from the bib.

"Thanks." Grian stood up. He went to sit down in the waiting area. He kept catching glances of himself in mirrors. Wow. That little haircut really made him feel happy. More confident. Oh, was this gender euphoria? He felt it so rarely, but that's what he was feeling now, wasn't it? Well whatever it was, he would allow himself this happiness and cherish it.

It took Lizzie some more time to finish up. Her hair was perfect, a cotton candy pink. Grian vaguely wondered if her hair was pink in the death game she participated in. If so, was it a natural pink? Grian had actual wings like a parrot, so obviously the normal rules didn't apply there. This was the normal world Pearl had wished for, after all, so things must be what is considered normal here.

Lizzie drove them over to Michaels. Grian was really excited, he walked inside and saw all the craft supplies. He darted from place to place, looking at so many things he definitely didn't need and probably wouldn't even have the time for, but he wanted! Lizzie chuckled as she followed him around.

"So. Grian." Lizzie stood next to him as Grian pondered over several large jars of assorted buttons. "Who is Scott?"

"Scott? He's Pearl's new roommate. He lives in my apartment." Grian placed the jars down, moving over to towards the wood cutouts.

"Pearl said he's an old friend. Yet I am your old friend and I don't recall ever knowing him." Lizzie huffed. "Secrets. She's keeping secrets."

"She's not keeping secrets. She knew Scott in a previous life." Grian picked up a piece of wood shaped like a duck. What was this used for? It was cute.

"A. A what now." Lizzie grabbed Grian’s arms and made him face her. "Did you say previous life?"

"Oh. Uh. No?" Grian glanced to the side. He didn't mean to say that. Lizzie was going to think he was crazy. "It's a joke Lizzie. They just get along so well we started to joke around like they must've been soulmates in a previous life."

"Okay." Lizzie frowned, she didn't seem like she exactly believed him. Grian had to be more careful with his words. "If that's all it is. He better not hurt her."

"I wouldn't worry about that. Scott's a nice guy." Grian went back to looking at the wood. This isn't even why he came here, but he couldn't help but to admire everything.

"He better be. If he hurts Pearl there will be hell to pay." Lizzie bent down and picked up a wooden box. "This would be fun to paint."

"Right?" Grian shifted his eyes from side to side. "We should buy it."

"Okay. A treat for us." Lizzie picked up the box with reverence. "Pick out something for yourself."

"I like this heart. I can make it a keyholder. I swear I'm always losing my keys." Grian picked up the wooden piece. He rather liked it. Plus it was useful for him and Scar. "Let's go look at the paints now."

"Sure, sure." Lizzie walked down the aisle. "How have things been going with Scar now that you are dating?"

"Great. I mean I feel like not much has changed between us but Scar said we were practically dating before it was official so I guess I'm just clueless." Grian sighed. "I was sleeping in the same bed as him but I think I was keeping him up at night so I started sleeping in my own bed."

"Oh, well Sausage, Joel, and I all have our own rooms. Just because we are married doesn't mean we can't have our own spaces. It's not always easy to sleep with someone else." Lizzie shrugged. "I'm glad things are going well. If he ever hurts you, let me know. I'll take care of it."

"Uh. Please don't hurt my boyfriend." Grian chuckled. He better change the subject before Lizzie got any violent ideas. "How's Hermes doing?"

"Good. I actually took him for an art lesson at the community center yesterday. The class is usually for older children but they saw his work and let him in." Lizzie grinned to herself. "I'm so proud of him. Thank you for showing him how to draw."

"I didn't do anything." Grian did feel a little proud too.

They continued chatting and looking at art supplies until Lizzie pulled out her phone and said, "We need to get going."

"Alright." Not that Grian wanted to leave. He was having fun. But he also shouldn't spend all his money. He checked out with Lizzie and she bought him the wooden heart despite his protests. Well, it was fine. Better than Joel dropping all that money on his streams.

They drove back to the apartment building and Lizzie parked her car. "I'll help you carry everything up."

"Thanks." Grian got out of the car. Today was a great day. He really had fun hanging out with Lizzie. To think he nearly tried to avoid it!

Grian unlocked the door to his apartment. It was dark inside and quiet. He turned on the lights and looked around. "Scar?"

He didn't hear a reply. Strange. Scar should be home from work by now. Oh, but there did seem to be a note sitting on the table. Grian placed his bags down, going over to read it.

Chapter Text

Grian's hands shook slightly as he picked the paper up off the table. He paused before unfolding it to read, a memory coming back to him of his former roommate leaving a note for him. A note saying that he was leaving his life forever without even any explanation. Grian hadn't realized how much that note had affected him until he went to read this one, a sinking feeling overwhelming his heart.

Scar wouldn't do that, run away without a single word to Grian. They are dating now! Things were finally going right. Sure Grian hadn't kissed Scar yet, but he was certain he'd get to that eventually, and everything else that dating entailed. Scar wouldn't just up and vanish. They were each other's homes, right?

But a terror struck him anyway, his imagination running wild. Scar left him. Grian was alone. The wonderful days of sleeping together, sharing a meal together, living and breathing in the same small space, it was all over and gone and somehow Grian had to live on with an empty, broken heart…

He was being ridiculous. Grian took a deep breath and opened the paper. Scrawled in slightly messy handwriting was a single sentence. "Meet me up on the roof! :D"

That was definitely Scar's handwriting, Grian had seen it plenty of times on the design notes he had given Grian for the characters in the video game. The characters that were actually their friends in a former life, but that's besides the point. Scar was asking him up to the roof for some reason? Why?

"What's that?" Lizzie asked, looking over his shoulder.

"I think Scar wants to meet me on the roof." Grian showed her the note. "That's strange. He could've just texted me. Er. Actually, with the frequency that I reply to messages this is probably the best way to get a hold of me."

Lizzie nodded sagely. "Ah yes. I've heard rumor of your legendary texting speed."

"Well I better go see what's up." Grian turned back towards the door. "Thanks for inviting me out today Lizzie. I had fun."

"Great! I had fun too. Enjoy your rendezvous with your boyfriend." Lizzie smirked at him as she backed out the doorway, pulling her phone out of her pocket and texting rapidly. "Don't be a stranger."

"I won't." Grian waved goodbye as he walked over to the stairwell. He was still a little confused by this situation, but the smiley face on the note must mean it was something pleasant. Right?

Grian opened the door to the roof and was greeted by a very loud noise.

"Surprise!"

A dozen or so people all yelled in Grian's direction, party poppers going off as confetti rained down over his head. Grian blinked several times, his mouth wide open, his brain not processing what was happening, not until his eyes finally focused on a banner hung above a table which read, "Happy Birthday."

"Huh?" Grian looked around the group. It was all his friends from the apartment and high school. Looking around, it was everyone he could remember being in the death games with him, but also a few others like Doc, Joe Hills, and Keralis.

"Did you surprise him?" Lizzie appeared in the doorway behind Grian.

"We got him good honey!" Joel called out. "Look at him, he's speechless."

Pearl stepped forward, walking over to Grian. "I got you little brother! Happy Birthday!"

"Pearl!" Grian found his words again. Of course Pearl decided to throw him a surprise birthday party. Of course! No one else even knew his birthday! "It's your birthday too!"

"A dual Birthday party!" Pearl cheered. "Now come on, let's go eat some food!"

"Grian!" The corner of Scar's lips curled as he saw Grian walking over, blowing a birthday noisemaker out. It nearly hit Grian in the face before it rolled back up. "You should've seen your face! You looked like this!"

Scar opened his mouth wide, dropping the noisemaker, but he didn't seem that concerned about it. Pearl gave a hearty laugh. "That's it! That's how he looked."

"I did not." Grian crossed his arms. "Our birthday isn't for a couple of days anyway. Right? It's only the fifth."

"It wouldn't be a surprise if it was on our actual birthday. I think you're just mad that I finally pranked you." Pearl giggled. "We all pranked you! It's such sweet revenge!"

"Oh my god." Grian found himself smiling. They had gotten him pretty good. He never expected this at all. "Good prank Pearl."

"Thank you!" Pearl looked over at the table in front of them. "Scar, Etho, and Scott helped me make the food. Eat, eat!"

Bdubs popped up from behind the table, seemingly out of nowhere. "I helped too!"

Pearl put a hand beside her face as she whispered, "We gave him a bowl of flour to stir so he wouldn't feel left out."

"Hey!" Bdubs yelled.

"Oops gotta go!" Pearl giggled as she ran to the other side of the roof.

"Oh my goodness." Grian chuckled. This was a lot and he wasn't sure he could really comprehend it all. His friends put this together for him. He really felt loved. He didn't even really realize how many friends he had until he saw them all in one place. It was truly amazing.

"Here, have these cookies! I made them." Scar pointed at the table.

Grian picked one up, taking a bite. It was somehow still warm, the chocolate chips melting in his mouth. "These are magical, Scar."

Scar looked rather proud of himself. "If the video game doesn't work out, I should start a bakery!"

"Bakery?" Jimmy walked up behind Scar, clasping his shoulder, his face slightly red as he struggled to stand. "I want, I want to eat your cookies forever!"

"Are you drunk already Tim?" Grian laughed.

"I'm not drunk! You are drunk!" Jimmy handed Grian a beer. "Tango! Tango, let's open a bakery!"

"Sure thing dear." Tango chuckled, not moving from where he was chatting with Skizz and Impulse.

Jimmy stumbled away and Grian chuckled. Well if Jimmy gave him a beer he should drink it, right? It wasn't even opened yet so no sharing germs. He cracked it open, taking a sip, "Is Tim okay? I've never seen him so drunk before."

"Oh. He heard about Pearl moving in with Scott and got the wrong idea." Scar shrugged. "We tried to explain that they are just roommates but Jimmy thought he turned Scott straight? I don't think you can turn someone straight?"

Grian laughed. "Yeah, I don't think so. In any case, I suppose I should go and chat with everyone since they came out to see me."

"Go ahead." Scar smiled at him. "Have fun!"

Grian walked around the roof, chatting with everyone. So many people wished him a happy birthday he hardly even knew what to say. It was great to see all his friends, especially those he hadn't seen in awhile. How had Pearl even gotten in contact with Impulse and Skizz? Apparently she had asked Tango to invite them, saying that Grian wanted to see them again. Very clever. After talking with everyone, Grian finally made his way back to Scar, sitting on a folding chair next to him.

"Socializing is exhausting!" Grian chuckled, opening up another beer.

"It's okay. Take a rest." Scar leaned back in his chair. "I'm really glad we were able to surprise you. I thought I messed up our plan at one point."

"Really? I didn't notice anything."

"Yeah! When you mentioned going out with Lizzie I forgot that was part of the plan to get you out of the house." Scar took a sip of his own beer.

"Oh. I remember that. I just thought you wanted to hang out this Friday and forgot to tell me. I was really surprised that this was what you were planning." Grian leaned in closer to Scar, a sudden boldness coming over. "Hey, do you mind if I sleep with you tonight?"

Scar's eyes went wide. "Do you mean in the same bed as me or-"

Grian smirked at Scar, giving him a wink. It wouldn't be too mean to tease Scar a tiny bit, right? "What do you want me to mean?"

Scar's face turned bright red as he stammered, "You. You can sleep with me any way you want."

"Hello boys!" Martyn walked up to them, interrupting their slightly lewd conversation. Grian sat up straight, hoping Martyn hadn't heard that. "Grian, we are going to light the candles now, come blow them out!"

"Okay." Grian stood up from his chair. It felt a little silly to do this, a little childish to blow out candles on a cake, but he wasn't going to complain. It was fun to be the center of attention, if not a little exhausting as well.

Everyone gathered around the table where a cake was set up. It read, "Happy Birthday Grian and Pearl!" in red frosting. Martyn lit all the candles on the cake and led the group to sing the birthday song. When it got to the end it was a mangled mix of both Grian and Pearl's names at the same time, making the whole group burst out laughing.

"Go ahead, blow out the candles and make a wish!" Martyn grinned at the twins.

"You do it, Grian." Pearl clapped him on the back.

"Yeah, yeah." Grian closed his eyes, blowing as hard as he could. He made a wish, despite not really believing in such things.

"Please let these happy days continue forever."

Grian opened his eyes just in time to see the candles flicker back on. "Hey!"

"Trick candles!" Pearl laughed.

"Two pranks in one day?" Grian glared at Pearl. "Oh you have no idea what you have done. I'm gonna get you!"

"I'd like to see you try!" She stuck out her tongue at him. "Alright, let's eat some cake!"

Grian got two slices of cake, bringing one over to Scar. It was pretty good cake, nice and moist. Scar looked his cake over. "Oh! I got your name!"

Grian looked over and saw that Scar did get the piece with his name on it. "That must be lucky or something!" Grian immediately thought of a very lewd comment. He debated on whether to even say it or not but he ended up leaning in close to Scar's ear and whispering, "Are you planning on eating me later too?"

"Grian!" Scar nearly dropped his plate. "I mean! If you want to!"

"We'll see." Grian laughed as he ate more of his cake. Maybe tonight he would be brave enough to kiss Scar. Maybe. Wouldn't that be nice?

Eventually it was time for Grian to unwrap gifts. Doc came up with a wicked grin and handed Grian an entire basket of tomatoes. "Enjoy!"

"Thanks…" Grian felt vaguely threatened? By the tomatoes. Or Doc. One of those things.

He opened more gifts. He got a lot of gift cards to various places. Which was great! Joel gave him a trophy that stated, "Really bad at video games." Grian threw him a very menacing look. He had to practice more! He would beat Joel one day!

He got to the present from Scar. Ah. A present from Scar. Grian was a bit excited to see what Scar got him. He had to find out Scar's birthday to make sure he got him a gift as well. He opened up the bag to see a glasses case. Inside was a pair of red framed glasses.

"Those are special glasses!" Scar grinned at him. "They block out blue light from computer screens. I know you spend a lot of time drawing on your computer, this'll help your eyes!"

"Thank you Scar! That's so thoughtful." Grian immediately tried them on. "Do I look good in them?"

"You look wonderful." Scar beamed at him.

For a moment Grian forgot all about the crowd of people around them, only seeing Scar's smiling face. He was so beautiful. Grian wished he could capture this moment forever, keep it in a jar, just so he could look upon it whenever he wanted. Well, he just had to keep making Scar smile, it seemed.

A crashing noise came from the back of the group, interrupting Grian's thoughts. Grian stood up, seeing that Jimmy had knocked over one of Doc's plants.

"Oops. Sorry Mr Flower!" Jimmy bent over to scoop up the dirt.

"What have you done!" Doc roared. "My plant!"

"Oh no." Tango rushed to Jimmy's side. "Sorry Doc. Jimmy got a little too drunk."

"I'm not drunk! I killed Mr Flower and made Scott straight!" Jimmy slurred, tears freely flowing from his eyes as he tightly gripped the dirt.

Scott covered his face with his hands. "Oh my god."

"Yeah. It's time for bed." Tango hooked his arms under Jimmy's armpits, hoisting him up. He looked over towards the group, "I think we'll be taking our leave now."

"Good idea!" Doc looked like he practically had steam coming from his ears. Yikes. Grian silently prayed for Tango and Jimmy. The revenge was sure to be swift.

With that disturbance, the party came to a close. Grian bemoaned having to clean up since it was his birthday party, but they managed to get it done quickly. Once they were done, Grian headed back home with Scar.

"My batteries are dead, Scar." Grian leaned against his boyfriend as they entered the apartment. "Too much social interaction."

"Poor Grian." Scar placed a hand on his head. "Did you have fun at least?"

"Yeah. It was fun. I don't really ever celebrate my birthday. I mean I've always had to share it with Pearl so it never felt all that special anyway. This was probably my favorite birthday in my whole almost 22 years of being alive."

"Good." Scar walked towards his bedroom. "Are you ready to go to bed?"

"Mmm. Yeah." Grian yawned as he entered the room. Scar flicked on the light and Jellie, who had been sleeping on the bed, meowed angrily. "Sorry Jellie. I'll take my shower in the morning. I'm too tired tonight."

"Are you telling Jellie that?" Scar laughed.

"Jellie deserves to know!" Grian sat down on the bed. "Is it okay if I sleep in your bed tonight? I don't want to keep you awake."

"Grian." Scar sighed. "You haven't been keeping me up. I've just been worried."

"Worried?" Grian watched as Scar removed his shirt. He couldn't help but to look at Scar's chest. Just a little.

"Yeah. It's complicated. I don't want to worry you…"

"Eh?" Grian bit his lip. Was something going on? "Tell me Scar. What is it?"

"Er." Scar sat down next to Grian. "Grian, I don't think we won the death games together."

"What are you talking about? Of course we won together." Grian smiled at him. "I wouldn't hurt you."

Scar had a minor flinch of pain, which only made Grian more concerned. Scar continued, "You don't understand. The winner makes a wish, right? I asked both Pearl and Scott about it. They both clearly remember the game masters or whoever running the games asking them what they wanted. I can't remember that at all and I remember everything else perfectly."

"I can't remember either." Grian placed a hand on Scar's arm. "Maybe we didn't get a wish since we broke the rules and won together."

"Er. Maybe." Scar looked towards his lap. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm so worried about this."

"It's okay Scar. I wish you had told me sooner. You don't have to worry about things alone. I'm here for you." Grian lifted Scar's hand and kissed it. "You're my home."

"Yeah. You're my home." Scar used his free hand to brush Grian's cheek. "So, did you want to try… uh, the sex?"

Grian burst out laughing. "What a delicate way to say it."

Scar threw his hands up into the air. "We already sleep together all the time. The metaphor is broken!"

Grian shook his head, laughing some more. "I don't know if I'm quite ready yet. I was having some fun teasing you."

"How cruel!" Scar moaned. "You are way too good at teasing me."

"Sorry." Grian wasn't in the least bit sorry. "I can't help myself. I like to see you blush."

"Oh yeah?" Scar stood up, walking over to his dresser. "Actually that reminds me of something. I got you another gift for your birthday, something I wanted to give you in private."

"Oh?" Grian tried to see what Scar had. It looked like a small jewelry box. "What's that?"

Scar bent down in front of Grian on one knee. Grian suddenly felt his heartbeat increase tenfold. That's what people do when they propose! What was Scar doing? Scar opened the box, revealing…

A necklace?

It was actually two matching necklaces, each bearing a half of a heart. "Scar?"

"Uh, I know we just started dating but I wanted to make a promise to you." Scar took out one of the necklaces, standing up and reaching around Grian's neck. "I promise I'll wait for as long as it takes for you to be ready, but I hope that one day you'll marry me."

"Scar." Grian felt tears flooding to his eyes. That was too sweet. "Of course. One day I'll marry you not just for tax purposes."

Scar grinned as he clasped the necklace around Grian's neck. He removed the other necklace and put it around his own neck. "Well, we can still commit tax fraud in other ways."

"Moron." Grian chuckled. "I can't believe you. You pre-proposed to me."

"You should've seen the look on your face. You are still bright red." Scar sat down next to Grian. "I win at teasing."

"Yeah, yeah. You win." Grian leaned against his shoulder. "Is this the present you bought while you were out with Cub?"

"Maybe." Scar chuckled. "I think it's a pretty good gift."

"It's a great gift. I'll treasure it." Grian ran his fingers over his half of the heart. It really made him happy. A little scared too. It was hard to imagine such a happy future. It felt like something would go wrong. Nothing would go wrong, right? Why was he still scared to kiss Scar then?

Grian got undressed and cuddled up with Scar, leaning his head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat as he drifted off to sleep.

Chapter Text

"No I can't." Grian sheathed his sword, legs starting to go numb from the cold waters. "I literally can't."

Grian took a step back from Scar, who was looking up at him with such wide eyes. He fully expected Grian to kill him. Why couldn't Grian kill him?

It was simple, wasn't it? The answer was so blatantly obvious. Grian was desperately in love with Scar, so much so that it overrode the red desire to kill. Grian loved Scar so much it felt like it would choke him. Laying a hand against him was the last thing he ever wanted to do.

And yet…

Voices echoed in Grian's head. Loud voices that seemed to overwhelm his senses. Voices he knew all too well. The Game Masters.

"We want blood."
"Blood."
"Blood."
"Fight!"
"You have to fight!"

"Scar." Grian climbed out of the chilling waters. "They want blood."

"Don't let them-" Scar paused, taking out a crafting table. "Friendship Grian! Friendship!"

"We have to Scar." Grian heard the voices continue to chant at him. Scar was quite remarkable if he could ignore them. Actually, Scar was pretty good at ignoring things, just like he ignored Grian every time he was told to keep his clothes on. But Grian couldn't ignore them so easily. They had to do it, didn't they? There weren't any other options. They wanted a show. They wanted blood. "There has to be a final battle."

The fun times were over now. Grian saw how Scar's expression changed slightly, resignation settling in his eyes. "Can we at least do the duel, if we have to, at Pizza's grave?"

"Yeah." Grian nodded, trying his best to smile. That seemed to be a fitting place.

"Okay." Scar placed the boat he had been crafting into the water. "Get in."

"Alright. This is the last bro moment." Grian jumped into the boat behind Scar. Scar sailed them around the small pond. "Why are we in a boat in a pond!"

"What?" Scar looked behind his shoulder. "We are remembering the good times! The times of good!"

Grian jumped out of the boat. Of course Scar would try to find levity even in a moment like this, but it was difficult to truly smile. Especially with Bdubs's dead body lying upon the shore, his blood seeping into the water. "We're just putting this off Scar. Let's get this over with."

Grian walked with Scar to the cliff. Scar was rambling but Grian couldn't pay attention. His mind was whirling, trying to find a way out of this situation. Maybe he should confess his love to Scar right now. Maybe the Game Masters would take pity and not make them fight. Although, if Grian got rejected… he couldn't take it. And despite what Scar had whispered to him while he thought Grian was asleep about Grian being his home, Grian doubted that Scar felt the same way he did. Why would Scar love him? Grian had only brought him grief and gotten him killed.

Grian was an idiot. He'd rather die than confess how he felt.

The cactus ring was constructed as their final arena. Grian discarded all his gear, watching Scar do the same. Of course Scar also took off his shirt. Was that some kind of advanced mental warfare? How could Grian hit such a lovely body? A body he longed to hold. He couldn't think about that right now. None of that mattered anymore. Soon there would be only one of them left, this wasn't the time for emotions.

"Are you ready Scar?" Grian stepped into the ring.

"It's sealed." Scar lit a fire at the entrance. This was it. This would be the final resting place for one of them. No backing out now. Grian hadn't been clever enough to think up a solution. There probably wasn't a solution. This was the only way this could've ended.

(Grian had an inkling of another solution, but he didn't dare think it through.)

"I don't feel good about this, Scar." Grian tightly gripped his fists. He honestly felt like throwing up. Well, even if it wasn't official, Grian didn't want the Game Masters to think they won. "Scar, I think that no matter what happens, we can claim this as a double victory."

"Yes. Yes, we're good." Scar jumped a bit in place, as if trying to shake off his nerves. "Let's do this."

"Alright, I'll count us in." Grian took a deep breath. He honestly didn't think he could do this. He had to let the red side overpower him with bloodlust. Just let go of all sense and whatever happens, happens.

"Three. Two. One."

Grian let out a long breath, giving into the red urge to kill, to slaughter, to see blood. In such a haze, he muttered, "Go."

Scar wasn't even paying attention. How could he lose focus already? Grian grabbed him, throwing him into the cactus behind him. Scar let out a shriek of pain as the cactus pricked him, but he didn't retaliate.

"Hit me!" Grian screamed in his face.

"I'm getting you good!" Scar threw a punch that just barely grazed Grian's chin.

"You aren't!" Grian punched him back into the cactus. This wasn't a game anymore. He wanted Scar to take this seriously. This was life or death! He punched Scar's face, dead on his nose. Blood seeped out, covering his hand.

Scar gave a grunt of pain, finally fighting back. He pushed Grian away before sweeping out one of his legs, trying to trip Grian up. Grian nimbly jumped over his leg, grabbing Scar's shoulder and pushing him into the cactus again.

Scar wheeled around before Grian could get another hit and aimed for Grian's stomach. He got a good hit in, making Grian stumble back a few steps, his nausea getting worse. Finally, a real fight. He punched back, hitting Scar in the stomach even harder than he had been punched.

Scar took a gasping breath, but instead of fighting back, he started to run. He ran right through the fire he had set at the entrance with cries of, "Oh! Oh! It burns!"

Seeing Scar run set something off in Grian's mind. His prey was escaping, he wouldn't let him. Grian jumped over the fire, using what little power his wings could provide to get some distance. Scar turned back to see Grian just in time for Grian to tackle him to the ground with every ounce of strength he had.

Scar's head hit the ground with a heavy thud, sending the sand scattering, as Grian sat on top of him, his hands going towards Scar's throat.

"I'm sorry Scar. I'm so sorry." Grian could feel pangs of pain in his heart, but he couldn't stop this now. It was too late.

"It's okay." Scar's voice was strained as Grian started to strangle him. "I love you."

A heavy sob escaped from Grian as he tightened his grip enough that Scar couldn't speak anymore. He could see the light leaving his eyes as Grian rambled on and on with useless apologies he wasn't sure Scar could even hear.

And then.

The fight was over.

Grian pulled his hands away, the full weight of his actions all falling upon him at once. He killed Scar. He really killed him.

Tears fell from his eyes as he leaned over and kissed Scar, hoping against hope that he was wrong, Scar was still alive. Grian could tell him how he felt! He wanted his feelings to reach Scar!

But just like how he couldn't respond to Scar telling him that he was his home, Grian's kiss was useless, there was no response, just the taste of blood upon his lips.

"I don't feel so good." The nausea that he had been feeling finally caught up to him. Grian leaned over to the side, his stomach heaving up nothing. He almost wished he had eaten something so he could throw up and this torturous feeling would stop.

But he deserved this. He killed Scar. Scar was dead. Dead.

The voices had been silent up until now, but Grian heard them clearly, speaking into his mind. "Well done. You have won the game. What is your wish, champion?"

Grian stood up, wiping drool from his chin, probably smearing Scar's blood on his own face, which only made him feel sicker. What did he want? It was obvious, wasn't it?

He looked towards the ground, trying not to cry. "Let me do this again. As many times as it takes. Let me keep doing this until I can tell Scar that I love him."

"If that's what you desire. The games will end once you confess your love. The next game will start upon your death." The voice paused. "Champion, where do you desire to go until the next game?"

Grian shook his head. "I don't want to live in a world without Scar."

The voice was silent at that.

Grian put a smile on his face. He honestly didn't want to live at all. How could he, knowing that he killed Scar? Next time he would do better. Next time, he'd tell him everything.

Grian walked past Pizza's grave, to the edge of the cliff. He looked back at Scar's body, whispering, "I love you, Scar."

With that, he took one final step off the cliff's edge, closing his eyes, and embracing his death.

Grian woke up with a start, sitting up, tears already flowing from his eyes. No, no, that couldn't be how the game ended. He was supposed to win with Scar, but clearly that didn't happen. The Game Masters had made them fight! Grian didn't want to hurt Scar but he had straight up murdered him.

Those nightmares of kissing Scar weren't just dreams. It was reality. Grian really strangled Scar to death then stole a kiss from a dead man like the scum he was.

"No, no, no…" Grian cried into his hands, every inch of his body screaming in pain.

"Grian?" A faint voice next to him. Then strong arms around him. Warmth. Scar. "Grian, what's wrong?"

"I killed you!" Grian didn't deserve comfort. He wiggled his way out of Scar's arms. "I killed you in the death games!"

"Oh." Scar's face fell. "You remember?"

"Yes I remember." Grian wanted to scream at Scar for not telling him. He could've told him exactly what happened but he didn't!

But Grian couldn't really blame him either. He honestly couldn't believe that Scar had treated him with any sort of kindness after what Grian had done. Why did Scar have any feelings for Grian at all? Who wants to date their murderer?

"I'm sorry." Scar started, quietly. "I didn't think you would remember. I hoped you wouldn't. It's too painful…"

Grian sighed, wiping the tears from his eyes as he sat facing Scar. Scar was too nice for his own good. Grian couldn't blame him for anything, he probably would've done the same thing. "Don't apologize. You did nothing wrong. I'm the one who killed you."

"Grian." Scar sat up on his knees, fiddling with his hands like he was unsure what to do with them. "Grian, I'm not mad at you. Someone had to win, right?"

"I should've tried to fight back against the Game Masters. I should've done anything but kill you." Grian couldn't even look Scar in the eyes. He knew what he should've done, something he couldn’t even consider in his past life. "I should've just killed myself before we threw a single punch."

"No!" Scar scrambled over, throwing his arms around Grian's shoulders. "No, don't even think about things like that."

"Scar." Grian clasped his back, feeling his warm skin. "It didn't matter in the end. I couldn't live without you. After I killed you, I killed myself."

"No, no, no." Scar started to shake, holding Grian even tighter. "You were supposed to keep living! I didn't want that, I didn't-" He broke down into incoherent sobs.

Grian cried as well, feeling the full weight of his guilt crashing into his body. He killed Scar. He killed himself. He probably put them all into an endless cycle of death games because he couldn't even confess his love.

"Grian." Scar pulled back from the hug, his face stained by tears. "I need to tell you something important, okay?"

"Okay?" Grian bit his lip, trying to stop his own sobs, his chest heaving.

"I love you." Scar's expression changed, not quite a smile, but gentler, almost desperate, but hopeful at the same time.

"I…" Grian started, but he stopped as the voices of the Game Masters came back to him.

"The games will end once you confess your love."

Horror filled Grian's stomach. What did that mean? Would this world end once he told Scar how he felt? He had lived in other worlds with Scar and he hadn't told him how he felt. According to Pearl and Scott he even kept his distance.

Oh God.

If Grian confessed his love everything would be over. The game would be over. Everything would end. The world would end.

Grian could never ever tell Scar how he felt.

"I… I can't, Scar." Grian stood up from the bed, backing out of the room.

"Grian?" Scar followed his lead, swinging his legs over the bed and onto the floor. "What-"

"Don't. Just don't." Grian couldn't even tell Scar about his wish. Scar would know his feelings and that was just as good as confessing. "Leave me alone."

"Grian!" Scar spat out as Grian broke out into a run, dashing into his own room, closing and locking the door. "Grian!" Scar shouted as he twisted the doorknob, the sound of it clicking on the lock echoing around the apartment.

"Scar, please leave me alone." Grian covered his face with his hands. He wasn't going to cry. He didn't deserve to. It's just that his chest felt like it was on fire.

"How can I leave you alone when you run away like that?" Scar sounded tortured. "Didn't you just tell me that we should share our worries? Tell me what's wrong so I can help."

There was nothing Scar could do to help. Telling him would make the world end. Grian was alone in this. "Not right now."

"Okay." Scar replied slowly. "Listen, I'll let you calm down and we can talk later."

"Okay," Grian lied.

Grian listened as Scar's footsteps faded away.

Grian was screwed.

Grian didn't sleep all night. He watched as the light seeped in from the curtains and the birds started to chirp. Too cheerfully for how he felt, honestly.

Grian didn't know what to do now. Clearly he had kept a distance from Scar in the other games, but he hadn't remembered in time in this life. He got far too close to Scar. He nearly let his secret out.

He couldn't help but to think of all his friends and family, their lives suddenly ending as Grian selfishly confessed his feelings.

Grian didn't know what to do.

Maybe he should… ■■■■ ■■■■■■■?

"Grian." Scar's voice came from the other side of the door, a bit raspy. "Grian I made you coffee. Let's talk now, okay?"

"No." Grian said simply.

"Grian?" Scar sighed but didn't say anything else.

It had been several hours but Scar's voice came from the other side of the door once more. "Hey Grian! Jellie wants to see you!" His voice had a fake cheeriness to it.

"Sorry." Grian flipped over on his bed, hiding his head with his pillow.

Eventually Scar left again.

What should Grian do to fix this mess?

Grian wouldn't be able to hide his feelings for Scar. If he saw him face to face he would confess everything. He loved Scar too much. What could he do then?

Grian couldn't ask Scar to leave this apartment. Scar had been forced to move so many times. It would be cruel to make him move again. Yet Grian leaving didn't seem right either. They were each other's homes. If Grian left it would break Scar.

What was Grian supposed to do?

Maybe he should ki■■ ■■■■■■■?

It was dark the next time Scar came to Grian's door. There was a creaking of wood as Scar leaned against the door. "I made dinner."

He sounded defeated.

"I'm not hungry." Grian obviously lied. He was starving and very thirsty. His head was aching. Everything hurt, actually.

"Grian." Scar's voice was soft. "It's okay if you don't love me."

Grian felt like his heart was cracking into a million tiny pieces.

It's not okay at all.

He loved Scar so much.

Maybe he should kill hi■■■■■?

Grian snuck out of his room late at night to use my bathroom. Thankfully Scar was asleep, lying on the couch. His face was red and he looked like he had been crying. Grian didn't linger for long.

He went back into his room, trying to ignore how awful he felt. He didn't know what to do. He had messed up so badly. If only he hadn't gotten so close to Scar in the first place. If only…

The next day came after some fitful sleep. Grian's phone kept ringing so he turned it off. He heard voices in his apartment. Eventually those voices came closer to his door.

"Grian!" Lizzie shouted from the other side of the door. "Did you really lock yourself in your room again? You are making your boyfriend worry!"

"Oh no." Grian muttered.

"Scar called us over because he's worried!" Joel also spoke. Grian felt a bit like screaming. Not that he would, but a good scream sounded great right about now.

"Grian, you should come out!" Pearl called after Joel.

Did Scar really call them all over? Why couldn't they all leave him alone?

"Come on out, Grian!" Lizzie banged on the door. "I'll tell Scar more embarrassing stories!"

Not like Grian cared at this point.

"Grian, come on out! Hermes wants to see you again. Let's go play some video games together." Joel said, a bit more playful. "Lizzie, you are too aggressive."

"He came out last time I told embarrassing stories." Lizzie sounded put off.

"Oh I know!" Pearl knocked on the door. "Grian, let's make some delicious soup together!"

Grian didn't answer. Why wouldn't they leave him alone?

"He's not speaking." Scar sounded a bit nervous.

"Should we call for an ambulance?" Pearl sounded equally on edge.

"I don't know." Lizzie said. "I don't think he'd want to go to the hospital. They might misgender him."

"We can't just leave him in there." Pearl worried.

"Should I break down the door?" Joel asked, perhaps a bit too enthusiastically.

Maybe Grian should put his furniture in front of the door? No, that wouldn't stop them. He sighed and called out, "Please leave me alone."

"Open the door right now mister!" Lizzie stomped a foot.

Grian didn't answer again. He didn't think it was necessary.

The voices on the other side of the door faded away. Grian had to do something. They were going to make him come out and he couldn't face Scar. He couldn't tell him anything.

If only he never got close to Scar. If only…

Grian knew what he had to do. There was only one thing he could do. If Scar found out that Grian loved him, the game was over. But Grian could force a new game to start. They wouldn't have their memories of this world! Grian could do things the right way and stay away from Scar. He just had to keep doing that in every life from now on. He had to keep this game going so his friends could continue to live.

…and so he could be with Scar again. Even if he couldn't love him.

Grian had to kill himself.

Chapter Text

Scar leaned against the counter in the kitchen, feeling even worse than before. He thought that with everyone here, Grian would come out of his room. He had been in there for over twenty-four hours. It wasn't healthy, Grian was seriously injuring his body! He had to at least eat and drink!

This was all Scar's fault. He hadn't told Grian the truth. At least, not the whole truth. It was difficult to talk about how the death game ended, but Scar had honestly believed he had won with Grian. That is, until he learned from Pearl that there might be another reason he remembered. Since he realized that he hadn't won, he tried to think of a way to bring it up to Grian, but it was so stressful. Grian really thought they won together.

Scar should've told him sooner. No wonder Grian had run away from him. And he was so stupid! He told Grian he loved him, like that would make anything better. It made everything worse! Why couldn't Scar keep his mouth shut? If he hadn't said that, maybe they could've worked things out. It was too late to take it back now.

"Scar, what happened? Why did Grian lock himself in his room?" Pearl hoisted herself up onto the cabinet next to him. Joel and Lizzie were sitting at the kitchen table, both looking distraught.

How could Scar word this? Joel and Lizzie didn't know about the death games and telling them now would open a whole new can of worms. "I don't know why, exactly. Grian had a nightmare, he woke up crying. I tried to comfort him, but he said in his dream that he killed me and then himself."

Pearl raised an eyebrow, as if to silently ask if it was related to the death games. At least that's what Scar assumed. He subtly nodded in her direction. "We both ended up crying. That's where I think I messed up. I told Grian that I love him."

"Aw." Pearl smiled. "That's sweet though."

"Not to Grian." Scar's shoulders slumped. "He ran away as soon as I said it and locked himself in his room."

"Does he not feel the same?" Joel squinted his eyes. "I thought he was head over heels for you, but maybe he's nervous about actual love?"

"I don't know. I wish I did know. I told him it's okay even if he doesn't love me." Scar sighed, looking down at the floor, at the perfectly clean tiles. Grian sure did love to scrub them, for whatever reason.

"Hmm." Joel turned to Lizzie. "You said this isn't the first time he's done this?"

"No. He's done things like this quite often. He nearly missed too many days of school because he locked himself in his room." Lizzie said, nervously twirling her hair around a finger. "Maybe this is just how he deals with his issues?"

"Yeah." Pearl rubbed her chin. "He told me he basically never left this apartment prior to Scar moving in. Maybe he's trying to avoid reality?"

"Maybe." Scar didn’t know it was such an issue . "His mental state wasn't great when I moved in. He didn't have any food but he didn't even seem to think it was a problem. I think that when Grian has a problem he ignores it instead of asking for help."

Pearl bit down on her thumb. "He didn't want to ask for help because my dad said he couldn't make it on his own. Grian didn't want to prove him right."

Scar's eyes went wide. "That explains a lot. But that doesn't really solve why he's locked in his room or how to get him out." He tapped his fingers on the counter. "Maybe I should leave? I'm the one who caused him to lock himself away, if I'm not here he might come out."

"Or!" Pearl put a finger up. "We can make some food that smells delicious and he'll come out on his own!"

Before Scar could reply, he saw the door to Grian's room open. Grian didn't look great, dark circles under his eyes and his skin far too pale. He paused for only a moment before he said, "Scar, can I talk to you?"

Grian took a heaving breath, his chest feeling tight. He didn't want to do this, he had no choice. He didn't want to-

He had to do this quickly, before they decided to break into his room. Grian was so scared, he had to leave this life. But how could he do it? He

He could…

Grian stood up from his bed, heading over to his closet, that's where he had hidden the rope-

Grian stopped short, looking at the painting he had been working on, the one of the desert. He had propped it up against the wall while he was working on the village painting. Even though it had once been smeared, he had managed to fix it up. The grave for Pizza. The cactus ring. The cliff that he had jumped from. Something was missing though, wasn't it?

Right. He never painted Scar's body. He never would. Scar…

A voice suddenly came to mind.

"Grian, please, if you feel that way again, please talk to me about it. Or any of your other friends."

Scar…

Grian had promised him, hadn't he?

But this situation was different. Talking would make things worse.

Except. Maybe.

Maybe there was something that Grian was missing. Maybe there was another solution. Maybe he didn't have to die.

God, he didn't want to die.

Grian crept over to his door, unlocking it and poking his head out. Scar and everyone else looked towards him. Grian considered hiding himself away again, but instead he called out, "Scar, can I talk to you?"

"Of course." Scar leaned on his cane as he walked over. Grian held the door open and let him in, closing the door behind him.

Grian sat down on his bed, Scar sitting next to him, but with a rather wide gap between them. A rift had formed between them again. Grian wasn't sure if this one could be closed. Even looking at Scar made Grian want to declare his love for him, but he could never tell him.

"Scar. I uh." Grian didn't know where to start, but he had to talk. Even if it was uncomfortable and the hardest thing he ever did. It was better than dying. "I made a promise to you that, um. That if I ever felt like killing myself I would talk to you."

Scar's eyes went wide, his mouth open, both his arms going out to grab Grian's shoulders, the space between them quickly vanishing. "Grian, what's going on? Did you do something to hurt yourself? Should we go to the hospital-"

"It's okay." Grian looked towards the floor, feeling the tight grasp on his arms. This was awful. Why had he decided to tell Scar? Of course he would panic. Grian wanted to stop this conversation, push Scar out of his room and hide under his covers. That wouldn't solve the problem though. "I haven't done anything yet."

"Yet?" Scar scooted closer, wrapping his arms around Grian's back. "Grian, do you have a plan? Please tell me. Please. I don't, I can't…"

"Err." Grian felt like he was deflating under Scar's grasp. "I had a plan. I was going to hang myself."

Scar squeezed him tighter, it was almost painful. "No. Grian. I… please let me help you. I know I'm not the best at words, but, I don't know. What's going on? Why are you feeling like this? How can I help you?"

"I don't know how to tell you." Grian wanted to cry. How could he tell Scar without revealing his secret?

"Is it something I did?" Scar pulled back, looking at Grian directly, a pained expression painted his face. "Would it be better for you if I moved out?"

"What? No!" Grian didn't want that. This was their home. Grian could never take it away from Scar. No, Grian had to ask for help. He didn't want to, but the solution he had come up with on his own was terrible. There had to be something else, something he was missing. "Listen Scar. I need you to listen carefully. This isn't a confession or anything, this is just a statement. Can you listen and not take what I say to heart?"

"Okay?" Scar let Grian go, now looking more confused than anything else.

"In our past life, I made a wish. You know, after I won the game." Grian tightly gripped his fists in his lap. "I wished to keep playing these death games for as long as it took, all so that I could tell you I love you someday."

Scar looked utterly stunned. "You love-"

"Wait!" Grian held up both his hands. "Just wait. I didn't say that!"

A frown appeared on Scar's face. "Okay…"

"The game masters said that once I confessed my love for you, the games would come to an end." Grian bit his lip, trying to read Scar's face. He still appeared confused. "Scar, I can never tell you that I love you. The world will end if I do. Everything will end. I can't take that. I can't handle that. I'm so scared. I feel like the only way out of this is if I die."

"Oh Grian." Scar grabbed his hand. "If you somehow think that's not a confession of love, I don't know what to tell you."

"But! I didn't say-"

"Grian, you never had to say it." Scar smiled at him. "I already knew you loved me. I knew it when you woke up early every morning to have coffee with me. I knew it when you welcomed me home after work. I knew it when you bought me those wonderful gifts for no reason. I knew it when you held me tight while we slept every night. And I knew it when you told me that you would marry me one day." Scar lifted a hand to the chain around Grian's neck, pulling out his half of the heart necklace.

"If the world was going to end because of a love confession, it would have ended a long time ago. You didn't say it with words, but I knew." Scar finished, gently dropping the chain back down.

"Really?" Grian hadn't realized that those actions spoke of love to Scar. Maybe he should've. He didn't even realize that he loved Scar until recently. He was such an idiot.

"The games are over, but not the entire world." Scar stroked his cheek. "We probably don't have to worry about being put into another death game again."

Grian's eyes went wide. Was that true? "Is, is this our last life then? We won't be reincarnated again?"

Scar shrugged. "I don't know. But if it is, we should enjoy it, don't you think? That means you can't die."

"Scar." Grian felt tears coming to his eyes. "I want to live with you. I want a long, happy life together."

"Let's do that then." Scar ran a hand through Grian's hair.

"Okay." Grian smiled. Was it really going to be okay? Had he overreacted? Had he nearly taken his own life over nothing? He really was a moron. But, if it was okay… "Scar, can I kiss you?"

"You can kiss me."

Grian leaned in close, his heart rate skyrocketing. Dread and anticipation filled him in equal measure. Grian could feel Scar's breath upon his lips, he closed his eyes and moved to close the final gap.

Oh.

It felt like electric shocks were running through his body as their lips made contact. It was wonderful and overwhelming and everything Grian had ever wanted. He could feel Scar move his lips against his, he was alive and he was kissing him back. They were kissing and instead of feeling like the world was ending, it seemed like it was just beginning.

Grian broke the kiss, tears in his eyes even as he smiled. "Scar. I love you."

"I know." Scar grinned back.

"Is that really what you are going to say?"

"What?" Scar shrugged. "Han Solo said-"

"You are not Han Solo!" Grian pushed Scar's shoulder.

"I know, I'm even more attractive." Scar looked entirely too smug.

"I want a divorce." Grian crossed his arms against his chest.

"We aren't married yet-"

"Then let's go down to city hall to get married." Grian tried to look as angry as possible. "Then I can divorce you."

"Okay! But I think maybe you should go to therapy first." Scar smiled at Grian.

"Ugh." Grian groaned.

"Don't you 'ugh' me, mister." It was Scar's turn to look cross. "You nearly took your own life today."

"I'm okay now!" Grian threw his hands up into the air.

"You had a problem and you locked yourself in your room and almost died instead of talking about it." Scar sounded more serious. "That's not okay, you know that, right?"

"I know. I'll, I'll go to therapy. Will you help me look for a therapist?" Grian really didn't want to. Talking about his feelings to a stranger sounded like the worst thing in the world.

"Yes. Of course." Scar smiled at him. "I might go too. I feel like I have issues I need to work on. I want us to both live a long life together."

"Yeah. I want to actually grow old with you." Grian could almost picture it. The two of them sitting on a sunny porch, drinking lemonade, their many cats gathered around. Well maybe that was too picturesque. Grian would settle for an apartment, as long as Scar was by his side he felt like it would be okay.

"Let's do that then. Let's grow old together." Scar grinned. "Hey, do you think the game masters are watching us now?"

Grian shrugged. "If this isn't a game anymore, maybe they stopped."

"Hmm, well I have a wish, if they are watching." Scar stared up at the ceiling. "Please, let us be happy."

Grian grinned upwards. "Or else!"

"Or else what?" Scar laughed.

"I don't know! Don't ruin my threat." Grian paused. The fragrance of meat cooking wafted into the room. His stomach growled. "Do you smell that?"

"Oh yeah! Pearl said she would make soup to coax you out." Scar looked towards the door. "Shall we go?"

"Yeah." Grian stood up, helping Scar to his feet. "I'm starving."

Grian walked with Scar back out into the living room, seeing the smiling faces of his friends and sister. Somehow, he had a feeling that everything would be okay from now on.

Chapter Text

"Okay Chat!" Grian smiled at the camera, holding his art palette up to the camera. "Today we are going to finish this painting!"

Grian was so excited to finish this piece. There were so many more scenes he wanted to paint, that's totally why he decided to stream at this moment. He definitely wasn't trying to avoid anything by painting right now!

"Grian." An annoyed voice spoke right outside his room. "What are you doing?"

Grian put a hand over his microphone. "Nothing! I'm not doing anything, don't come in!"

"That's incredibly suspicious! We have to get going. Come out or I'm coming in." Scar said.

"Uh oh." Grian turned to look at his computer screen. Chat seemed awfully confused. "I've become a beetle. I can't go today."

Scar sighed and opened the door. He looked at Grian up and down, "You don't look like a beetle. Are you streaming? Grian, we have to go!"

"But I need to paint!" Grian pouted, giving Scar his best puppy dog eyes.

"That won't work, mister." Scar walked over, looking at the camera. "Sorry everyone! Grian's being naughty! The stream is over now."

The chat exploded as it always did when Scar showed up. He seemed to read the responses for a moment. "Hmm? ‘Scar, start an OnlyFans?’ What's that?"

"Oh no." Grian glared at the screen. "Scar's not doing that. Bye everyone! Sorry for the short stream, I'll be back later!"

He turned off the stream, grumbling to Scar. "Uh, Scar! I feel sick! I can't go today!"

"Grian." Scar looked at the screen to ensure that the stream really was over. "You need to go to therapy. You promised."

"I don't need therapy. I'm fine now!" Grian was 100% mentally healthy. Sure he thought about suicide, but he didn't actually do anything to hurt himself. He was fine!

"Grian. You were literally keeping a noose in your closet. That's not fine." Scar crossed his arms against his chest.

"Er." Grian grimaced. "It's gone now."

"Because I took it away! And you didn't even want to tell me where it was! I think you can understand why I might still be concerned." Scar crouched down and placed a hand on Grian's shoulder. "Dr Xisuma said he would help you with medically transitioning too! Don't you at least want that?"

"Yes." Grian felt like garbage. He wasn't trying to make Scar worry. He wasn't sure why he was acting like this. Scar had gone through the trouble of putting him on his health insurance and helped Grian find a therapist. He shouldn't be fighting him. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't make such a fuss about going. I, uh. I want to get better."

"Good." Scar leaned over and kissed his forehead. "I know it's hard, but I'll help you through it."

"Thanks for being patient with me." Grian placed his palette down on his desk. "Alright. Let's go."

"Thanks Jono. Email me the details. I'll talk to you soon." Grian hung up the phone, letting out a sigh of relief. There was nothing he hated more than talking on the phone.

"How'd it go?" Scar was sitting on the couch, his laptop perched on his lap as he typed away.

"Good. Jono said he'd compose music for our game in exchange for me drawing him some art for his podcast." Grian scratched the back of his head. "Ugh. More work for me."

"Well, I appreciate your dedication!" Scar smiled at him.

Grian flopped onto the couch. "But I'm so tired. I want to die!"

"Grian." Scar said with a warning tone.

"Oh. Oops." Dr Xisuma had told him to stop saying things like that. "I mean, I want to scream!"

Scar stopped typing, turning to smile at him. "Do you want to go on the roof and scream again?"

"Nah. I think I'll go take a nap." Grian leaned over and kissed Scar on the cheek. "Love you!"

"Love you too. Sleep well!"

"Scar!" Grian zipped up his hoodie. "Let's go!"

Scar was lying face down in his bed. "It's raining."

"Yeah? We still need to go get our flu shots." Grian sat on the bed. "Are you really that scared?"

"I'm not scared." Scar turned his head to face Grian. "My leg hurts more when it rains."

"I'm sorry, but you need to get your flu shot." Grian grinned at him.

"No, I don't think so! I never get sick." Scar turned away from him.

"Oh! How the tables have turned!" Grian shook Scar's shoulder. "Come on Scar, don't you want to live a long and healthy life with me? You gotta get your flu shot to do that. Especially since you work at a gas station. You never know if someone who comes in is sick."

"Okay." Scar sighed as he sat up. "I suppose it would be hypocritical of me to not go."

They walked to the pharmacy, Grian holding an umbrella over their heads. Once they arrived, Grian did hold Scar's hand during his shot. Scar squeezed his hand so tightly Grian was nervous he might actually break some fingers. Well, it was worth it so that Scar wouldn't get sick.

While walking home, Scar kept loudly complaining, "My arm hurts! It hurts!"

"You'll be okay. It's just a flu shot." Grian smiled at him. "The pharmacist said it would be a little sore."

That's when Grian heard a sound. A loud sound. It sounded like a cat meowing. "Did you hear that?"

"Hear what-" Scar stopped, looking around at the rainy surroundings. "Over there! The box!"

Grian headed over towards the box, peering inside. There was a tiny kitten inside, mostly a light brown with black spots. He was crying in the most pathetic way. Grian handed the umbrella to Scar, picking up the kitten. He was wet and shivering.

"Scar! We can't just leave him here." Grian frowned, cradling the kitten in his arms.

"No, we certainly can't!" Scar sounded angry. "Who leaves a kitten out in the rain! That's horrible!"

"It's okay. We'll bring him home." Grian looked down at the cat. "It's okay my child! You can live with us!"

Grian hadn't known peace since he brought Maui home. He named him Maui after his breed, which he discovered was a Bronze Egyptian Mau. The first night he stayed up with Maui, scared he would pass away. Maui seemed so small and fragile, but he made it through the night. After that though, Maui ran wild through the apartment. Always running. Never stopping. Scratching things. Breaking things. He also constantly fought with Jellie. It never ended.

Grian loved Maui but he definitely wondered if this was a mistake.

Grian had to get some work done. He picked Maui up, looking him in the eyes, "Maui, daddy is tired. Can you give it a rest for five minutes?"

Grian placed him down on his lap and for a few minutes he worked on drawing while Maui stayed still. Then, like always, Maui took off running somewhere. Grian couldn't chase after him, he was way too tired. He just had to hope that Maui wouldn't cause any trouble.

He didn't hear anything breaking, so it must be okay. Grian got some work done, almost forgetting about everything else. He was brought back to reality when he heard Scar over his shoulder.

"Grian. Come look at this." Scar beckoned him into the living room, a huge grin on his face.

Grian followed him and saw exactly what he was referring to. Jellie and Maui were on the couch together. Jellie was curled up around Maui, licking his fur while he purred loudly.

"Oh my god." Grian put his hands to his face. "That's so adorable!"

Bringing Maui home was definitely not a mistake, after all.

Dr Xisuma had told Grian that he should talk about his feelings more and not try to avoid feeling things, even if it was upsetting. It was better than bottling it up! Grian was trying. It was just that some things were easier to talk about than others.

Which is why when Grian was lying in bed with Scar late at night, a question came to mind. One where he was scared of the answer. He found the strength to ask it anyway.

"Scar, do you want kids someday?"

Scar had been tracing a line on Grian's back with a finger, but he stopped at the question. "I wouldn't mind it."

Grian felt his chest tighten, his throat closing up. "Biological children?"

Scar shifted, sitting up slightly. "Grian, is something wrong?"

"No. I'm, uh. Just curious." Grian didn't feel like he could look directly at Scar.

"Honestly, I never really considered biological children. I always wanted to adopt or have foster children. I know how awful it can be to be in the system. I wanted to make a home for a child so they never felt what I felt." Scar placed a hand under Grian's chin, "Did you want biological children?"

"No." Grian shook his head, smiling. "I don't think I can. I mean physically yeah, but mentally, no way. I was just a little nervous. If you wanted children and I couldn't do that…"

Scar chuckled, running a hand through Grian's hair. "I really never expected that from you in the slightest. I want you to be happy. I assumed that you didn't want children."

"Yeah." Grian put his head against Scar's shoulder. "I was thinking about our previous life and I realized something interesting. Sex didn't seem to matter in that world at all. Any animal could breed with any other animal of the same species and still make a baby."

"That's true." Scar kissed the top of Grian’s head. "You just had to feed the mobs to breed them. I wonder if we were like that too."

"I dunno. We ate together but I don't think that counts." Grian smiled. "I think I like the version of breeding in this world much better." He ran a hand down Scar's side, feeling his bare skin.

"Silly Grian." Scar laughed. "I like it too."

A chill wind ran through Grian as he stood on the roof with Scar, waiting for Pearl to show up. "Did you see who retweeted the demo of our game?"

"No?" Scar blew into his hands to warm them up. "Who?"

"A really famous artist named Temmie." Grian grinned. "Everyone seems really excited by what we have so far."

"Oh yes! I saw a lot of people complimenting your art." Scar smiled. "The painted backgrounds really make your characters stand out."

"Thanks." Grian still had a lot of work to do. Honestly he didn't even like some of the portraits, but he couldn't spend forever refining each one. "A lot of people love the story too. Especially that secret bad end we put in."

At that moment the door to the roof opened. Grian picked up a snowball at his feet. "Battle formation!"

"Roger!" Scar dashed to the side, holding snowballs in his arms.

"Fire!" Grian yelled, throwing his snowball at Pearl. Scar threw his as well, but he hit the person behind Pearl, Scott.

"Ugh!" Scott cried out.

"Pearl!" Grian pointed at her. "You were told to come alone."

"Yes, to your totally not suspicious rooftop meeting. Of course I brought backup!" Pearl dusted the snow off her shoulder. "Scott! Prepare for battle!"

Scott looked around himself. "There doesn't seem to be any snow."

"No, of course not." Grian put his hands on his hips. "We have a monopoly on the snow!" He and Scar had prepared the roof in advance, shoveling the snow to their side.

"You really like to make monopolies. Too bad it never works in your favor." Scott shrugged.

Grian bet he had also made a monopoly in the lives that Scott and Pearl could remember. Good! It probably had worked and Scott was trying to taunt him. "You can't win this one, prepare for your demise!"

Grian just barely caught Scott and Pearl looking past him, smirks on their lips. He was about to question it when he felt cold snow go down the back of his sweater.

"Ah!" Grian jumped and tried to shake the snow out. He glared at Scar, who was already running away. "Betrayer! I want a divorce!"

"Oh no!" Scar laughed as he ran away.

Grian chased after him, snow in his hands. He realized too late that he had abandoned their snow supply, giving free access to Scott and Pearl. The horror! Scott and Pearl grabbed some snow, throwing it in his direction.

A full blown snow fight broke out. Grian honestly couldn't tell who won in the end, but it was a lot of fun.

"Scar!" Grian called out from the bathroom. "Scar come look!"

"Hmm?" Scar walked over towards the bathroom door. "What's going on?"

Grian pointed at his chin. "Look, look! Facial hair!"

"Oh?" Scar leaned in close, looking at him. "I think I see it!"

"Yes!" Grian pumped a fist. "The testosterone is working!"

Scar chuckled. "Do you need me to teach you how to shave?"

Grian scoffed at that. "I used to shave my legs all the time. Besides, why would I want to shave? I've been waiting for this!"

Scar wrapped his arms around Grian's shoulders, looking carefully at his face. "Hmm. You would look pretty sexy with a bit of scruff."

"I'm already sexy." Grian pouted.

"Of course you are." Scar kissed him. "My handsome man!"

Grian sat on Joel's couch, ready to start another round of Mario Kart. He was definitely not going to come in last place this time.

"Grian." Scar leaned against him. "If you can avoid last place, I'll give you a kiss!"

"Oh ho ho! I'll come in first place! Then you have to give me all the kisses!" Grian smirked at him.

"Where does he get all this confidence?" Joel selected the course.

"I don't know!" Scar laughed, picking up his controller.

Grian growled in the back of his throat. "I'll show you."

The race started. Grian leaned back and forth as he turned, he felt the speed, he was doing it! He wasn't in last place. Those jokers had no idea who they were dealing with! Grian wasn't going to get last this time!

The race ended and Grian came in second to last. "Yeah! I told you!"

Scar chuckled and leaned over to give Grian a kiss. "I'm so proud of you!"

"Scar threw the race!" Joel called out.

"Really Scar?" Grian frowned at him.

"Oh no, of course not! I just forgot how to play!"

Grian slapped Scar's chest. "Let's go again, and play seriously!"

Even if Grian didn't win, he still had fun.

"Are we ready?" Grian looked over the itch.io page for their game again. He had carefully combed over every last detail to make sure it was ready. There shouldn't be any issues. Not to mention how much they tested the game for any bugs. There was nothing left to do but release the game.

"We're ready." Scar sat next to him. "Let's publish this bad boy!"

Grian hit enter. It was finally done. He didn't know if he felt relieved or just exhausted. He crafted up a tweet and sent it out, telling the world that the game was released.

"We did it." Grian weakly cheered, watching as people started to retweet and comment.

"Good job." Scar pulled Grian in for a hug. "It doesn't seem real. I never thought we would finish it."

"We did it though." Grian wrapped his arms around Scar. Hopefully the game would do well. He was happy that it was over. Now he could rest.

Scar yawned, putting his head on top of Grian’s, "So I have this great idea for another game…"

"Oh no." Grian laughed.

Bdubs and Etho's wedding had been something else. Grian stood outside with everyone, as Bdubs held his bouquet, yelling back at the crowd behind him, "I'm gonna throw it now!"

Grian shook his head. What a silly tradition. It's not like some flowers could determine who would get married next. He went to tell Scar the absurdity of it all, but he realized that Scar wasn't standing next to him at all.

In fact, there was Scar in the crowd. And there was Scar, catching the bouquet. He cheered, running over to Grian. "I got the flowers!"

"Scar. You know that it's to determine who's getting married next, right? Go give them to someone else." Grian sighed, shaking his head.

"Oh!" Scar rushed over to Tango, "Marriage!" Tango's eyes grew enormous and he nearly ran away, but Scar caught up to him before he could, shoving the flowers into his hands.

Grian laughed. What was he going to do with Scar?

Grian was in bed with Scar, scrolling through his phone. Jellie and Maui were cuddled up on the bed, both of them already asleep. It was hot outside, but with a constant low hum, the air conditioner kept them cool. Grian spotted something on Twitter, shoving his phone in front of Scar's face. "Look at this fanart!"

"Hmm. My chest is bigger." Scar analyzed the image. "It's really cool though. I'm such a badass!"

"Totally." Grian laughed. "I'm glad our video game is doing well. I was worried no one would buy it at all."

"Well, my love." Scar leaned over, kissing Grian's nose. "It was a success. Thank you for helping make my dream come true."

"It's nothing. Thank you for helping me too, Scar. I should have more than enough money to get my top surgery done. I just have to wait until I can get approval from my doctor." He was so close he could taste it. Maybe by this time next year, Grian could go outside without a shirt on! Imagine that! He wouldn't have to deal with sweaty binders anymore.

"All our dreams are coming true!" Scar leaned back against his pillow. "You know it's almost our wedding anniversary."

"Is it?" Grian couldn't remember dates! He had married Scar almost a year ago, right after he nearly took his own life. It was the quickest way to get Grian on Scar's health insurance, which is mostly why they did it. And for fraud, of course. They didn't even have a ceremony or anything, it was just the two of them and the justice of the peace.

"Yup. Do you think we should tell everyone we are married yet?" Scar asked, as he pulled Grian in closer.

"Nah. It's more funny if we don't. I'm still waiting to see if anyone figures it out." Grian leaned in for a kiss. Even after all this time, he still loved to kiss his husband.

"It is really funny." Scar kissed him back.

Grian held Scar tight, grateful for his life. It was hard to believe he nearly threw this all away. Well, his brain was a bit broken back then. He wasn't completely better yet, but he was happy now. He couldn't wait for the rest of his long and happy life.

Chapter Text

It's time for some extended notes on this fanfic! There will be spoilers for all the side stories/bad ending included here. Including some discussion about Grian's death in the bad end. I put that at the end so skip it if you need to.

I mentioned before that this fic was based on a dream I had in which Grian was an artist. Another thing that inspired this fic was the song Left-Right Confusion by Yorushika. If you watch the music video I'm sure you can see the comparison!

An interesting detail I put in is that Grian changes how he types depending on who he is talking to. The more comfortable he is with someone the less capital letters he uses. It might be something fun to look out for if you decide to ever reread this story.

Speaking of that, Grian was an unreliable narrator. Because of that and his tendency to not think of things that upset him, he left a lot of things out of his narration. Such as how upset he was that Taurtis moved out. That's probably when he made that noose, but of course he wouldn't bring that up.

I didn't even intend to make Grian trans at first, even though I dropped hints about it from the beginning, like him not wanting to take his sweater off and getting upset when Scar saw him without it on. Poor Grian. Let's chalk that up to him not wanting to think about something. If I hadn't decided to make him trans I feel like the story would've lost some heart, so I'm glad I put it in. I have an interesting relationship with my own gender so it felt nice to explore it in a story. (I use they/them pronouns! You can call me Tara if you like!)

If you are wondering how the story would work without Grian being trans, well Grian wasn't kicked out for being trans. His father just refused to acknowledge it. And as for the video game, instead of saving for a top surgery, it was so they had enough money to live comfortably.

During the babysitting scene with Hermes, I wanted Grian to give a puppet show. I had a hard time fitting it in with everything else that was happening, so I cut it out. It was supposed to reference Grian's disastrous puppet show he did on Hermitcraft lol.

I wanted Lizzie and Jimmy to be siblings, but it was impossible because then Pearl, who is childhood friends with Lizzie, would've definitely met Scott before and that would ruin them meeting where they did in the fic!

In the Joel/Lizzie/Sausage relationship, Joel and Lizzie are married. However Joel and Sausage were together before they met Lizzie. They even had Hermes together. So why didn't Joel and Sausage get married if they had a kid together?

Well actually none of them wanted to get married! Joel and Sausage weren't that interested in it, and when they started dating Lizzie she wasn't bothered by not getting married either. But something happened! Oh no! Hermes got sick and had to go to the hospital. Lizzie wanted to see him but wasn't allowed in since she's not his "family".

So Joel and Lizzie ended up getting married so that they all would be Hermes' parents. Joel and Sausage his birth parents and Lizzie is his step mom!

Lizzie is very protective of Grian. She sees him like a little brother. That's why she gave Scar a talk when she first met him. She was like, "If you ever hurt Grian I'll get you!"

To which Scar responded, "Okay! Please do!" Which Lizzie found amusing and decided they should be friends.

Xisuma was originally going to be the landlord of the apartment building but I didn't know how to put him into the story. I instead made him Grian's doctor.

Speaking of characters I wanted to put in but didn't know how, Joe Hills! He is Cleo's roommate! Cleo didn't have a big role in the story either, besides being Scott's friend. I feel bad that Impulse, Skizz, and Martyn really didn't have much of a presence either. Well, what can you do? I couldn't overload the fic with characters.

Grian didn't remember all of his death game, while all the other winners had much clearer memories. Grian not remembering is definitely because of the Game Masters. They were either trying to help him get together with Scar or they just like to watch him suffer lol.

Now Scott remembers two of the death games. He doesn't realize this, but he only remembers Double Life because Pearl won and they were soulmates. Scott didn't win because he specifically wanted Pearl to win. That's why only Pearl got a wish.

Let's discuss Grian's wish!

He said he had to confess his love to Scar for the games to end. There are many ways this could've gone down, so let's discuss that.

1.Grian confessed to Scar during Double Life when Scar kissed him right before the end
2.Like what is suggested in this fic, the confession came when Grian gave Scar gifts and showed his love that way. (Or any other way during their current life).
3.When Grian told Scar's dead body that he loved him before jumping at the end of 3rd Life. (He never said that Scar had to be alive??)

The Game Masters are a fickle bunch. They enjoy a good show. They might have been stringing Grian along because they thought it was funny. Or they were sincerely trying to get them together, but Grian got a silly idea stuck in his head that everything would end with his love confession. What do you think is more likely?

Speaking of the Game Masters, they are not the Watchers, but I guess it's something similar. The Watchers get used a lot and this story has nothing to do with Evo really so I didn't want to use them. My next story will have Watchers in the form of all the readers! It's an interactive fic where you can vote on Grian's fate. Look forward to it.

I wanted to put more scenes in the epilogue but it was already getting long so I cut them out. I wanted a part that had Taurtis come back, but that ruined the flow. I also wanted to include all of Bdubs and Etho's wedding, but that was too long. Just imagine it being chaotic and nothing going right.

After the end of the fic I imagine that Grian does get his top surgery. Eventually everyone figures out they are married. They make another game together. They become foster parents at some point. They get to live a wonderful and long life.

Let's talk about the bad end now.

So there are several different ways it could end.

1.Grian is dead dead. He confessed his love without realizing it and by taking himself out outside of a death game he killed himself permanently.
2.Grian would reincarnate back in the next death game without his memory of the previous life. Whether the Game Masters let Scar keep his memory or not is the real question.
3.Because of Pearl's wish, the next life is still a normal life and Grian reincarnates there. Again, would Scar have his memory? Would he do all he can to protect Grian so another tragedy doesn't happen?

There's a lot of sadness in the bad end. Since Grian's father never recognized who he was, Grian's worst nightmare (described in A Snow Filled Emptiness) would come to pass. He'd be misgendered after his death. Lizzie and all would give Grian a private funeral though and all his friends would attend. Hermes doesn't really understand but is devastated. Scar does live with Joel and Lizzie for a while. Until, well, that's all I'll say on that for now.

If you have any questions you'd like answered please ask away! I'll answer as best I can. I'm glad everyone enjoyed this story so much. Thank you for reading and I'll see you next time!