Chapter Text
Altazor
Why did you lose your first serenity?
What evil angel stood in the door of your smile, sword in hand?
Raven
Why did you lose your first –
your first what?
Serenity?
Emotion?
Chance at a normal life?
What evil angel stood in the door of your smile – ?
It wasn't an evil angel, it was a demon. Though she supposes, in Christian mythology, demons are fallen angels.
Who sowed anguish in the plains of your eyes, like the ornaments of a god?
She doesn't need to ask.
Everyone.
Trigon.
Azar.
Any person she ever healed.
They clung to her, like parasites. Begging for a little bit of her healing, a little bit of her power, wanting to drag her down to their pathetic level.
No wonder Trigon sees them as parasites.
He sees them as what they are.
Why did you one day feel the terror of being?
She felt the terror of being all the time. Every day. The terror was an emotion, forbidden to her, but it seeped into her bones and her life. It merged with her until she couldn't separate it from her.
Fail to contain your emotions, and unleash your father, the Demon Trigon.
And that voice that shouted out to you – you live, but you do not see yourself living.
She was not living. She was in a cage. A cage imposed on her by Azar.
Why do you stop me from living, Azar? Why must I live at the convergence of all the winds of pain?
The diamond of your dreams broke –
The diamond of her dreams could not break. It could never be realized.
She had no dreams.
She was not allowed dreams.
You must take the pains of others and make them your own. Give yourself completely to the needs of others.
To save the world, you life cannot be your own to live.
( You do not see yourself living ).
You are lost, Raven .
Alone, in the middle of the universe.
By necessity, she must never experience love. To do so would be to destroy all life.
Alone, like a note that flowers in the empty heights.
There is no good –
There is no good. Every heroic action she did was undone by the future she felt herself marching towards. Every time she healed someone, she grew closer to hurting them.
There is no evil –
There is no evil. Why shouldn't she release her pain? Why shouldn't she fight? How is it evil? The wolf eats the sheep, that does not make it evil. That is the natural order of things.
Nor truth nor order nor beauty .
There is no truth, she was raised to hide her truth.
There is no order, she struggles against the chaos of the universe.
There is no beauty, nothing worth preserving, there never ever was.
Where are you, Raven?
