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He said in the cosmos is a single sonic sound
That is vibrating constantly
And if we could grip and hold on to the note
We would see our minds were free, oh they're free
- Dreamer Deceiver, Judas Priest
Steve is thirteen years old when he first hears it.
Not the first time he hears music from his soulmate, no, everyone heard them from very early on. But when you are a kid those are just silly songs, made up tunes or the random single from a commercial.
What Steve is hearing now was someone literally screaming inside his head. Which is unfortunate, since he is in church with his mother for a change. At thirteen he is still at an age that it would look bad for his parents to leave him alone for too long. That lasts for just another year.
So there he is, sitting still and pretending to pay attention to what is being said up front, when it starts. It is such a shock the only reaction Steve is able to have is to scream back.
“Steven.” He hears his mother say sharply in his ear and he then notices everyone has stopped to look their way.
“Someone is screaming.” He whispers back, scared any sound he is making is too loud. Loud like what is playing in his mind.
“We can see about this when we get home. Sit properly.” He tries to, straightens up and looks ahead with wide eyes, not really seeing anything while his mother waves everyone back and apologizes, saying he has a headache. Her hand is on his shoulder keeping him in place, heavy and not really comforting.
They never do talk about it again.
There are too many people in his house.
They just had their first game of the season and Tommy invited what feels like the whole school back to Steve’s house, which is fine. It’s the expected; a party at King Steve’s. Steve is on his way to being properly buzzed and laughing at something this girl - Hannah? Brenda? - is saying that he is sure isn't even that funny. It is all fine.
Suddenly the music playing through his house feels like it is echoing in his mind and Steve has a moment of annoyance before immediately feeling completely sober again.
His soulmate is here.
There is no other explanation in Steve’s mind; they never listen to the same music. Sure, it could be a coincidence, but Steve knows. He knows.
He looks around and sees all the same familiar faces he always does at these parties, all the people he had hung out with a million times it seems. It wasn't any of them.
He starts to feel a bit frantic going around the house looking for someone new - people are starting to look at him weirdly - so he steps outside for a moment. He can still hear the music coming from the house faintly, the one coming from his mind actually coming across more clearly for him than the one playing on the stereo. It makes Steve want to scream.
He is so close. So close he can literally hear it.
He sweeps his gaze across his back yard and sees some people huddling in close to a figure leaning on the side of his house that Steve did not immediately recognize. He holds his breath for a second before rolling his eyes when he makes out who it is.
It is that guy Tommy said sold the good weed in school, the weird one with the long hair that runs some nerd club.
Huffing an exasperated breath, he makes his way back inside. Maybe Tommy bought some weed for them, Steve sure needs it right now to forget about failing to find his soulmate when he’s so sure she is right there.
He’s just passing through the kitchen when something catches his eye.
“Come on Nance, just a little more and we can go.” Some girl Steve vaguely recognizes says to her friend, nudging a red cup in her direction.
“You said that half an hour ago, Stacy.” It is said with a laugh though, the girl clearly not really bothered by it and Steve stares. There in his kitchen is someone he is sure never stepped foot in his house before.
Steve feels his lips tug upwards and immediately changes his course to make his way over to the two girls.
Steve used to think Nancy Wheeler was one of those girls that listens to soft songs, ones that talked about the sweetest of loves or maybe even the new trendy upbeat tunes that are all over the radio stations. Not at all like the harsh symphonies that painted Steve’s days.
Then he sees her wield a bat and aim a gun with deadly precision and has to reshape that thought. So he tries to tell himself that maybe, just maybe, there is a chance there.
Maybe.
They are in his car together, on their way to school, and in the corner of his eye Steve can see Nancy start to bop in her seat with the beat of the song that is playing on the radio and soon enough she starts singing along. He grips the steering wheel harder and pointedly keeps his eyes on the road.
In his head he can hear the familiar sounds of a heavy guitar streaming together with angry voices that somehow formed songs Steve still did not understand could come out of a human being.
Steve is good at lying to himself most times, of playing dumb when he wants to, but is hard when the truth is literally screaming inside of him.
When things inevitably crash and burn with Nancy a second time, Steve spares a thought to what kind of music Jonathan Byers must like.
Steve really wonders when his life came to this sometimes, hiding behind fake potted plants at the mall, searching for Russian spies with Dustin Henderson of all people. It was at that time when he let himself be abducted by the kid last year, he knows.
He also wonders what it says about him that would not rather be anywhere else, really.
“If you think she is so weird, maybe she listens to the weird music that is inside your head.” Dustin says not looking from his binoculars. He tries to sound casual about it but it still makes Steve sputter in surprise.
“What? How?! I never told you anything about my music.” Steve never really told anyone about it, mostly because he doesn’t even know how to. He thinks of his mother though, of when on the rare times she is around she looks at him with a crease in her brow while he absentmindedly hums lyrics he barely even knows himself.
No, Steve doesn’t talk about his music.
“Yeah, but you are always tapping your fingers or banging your head to a rhythm I’ve never heard before in any normal songs, so it's gotta be some weird shit right. Maybe Robin likes it!” Dustin is looking back at him now, insistent on the Robin topic and Steve doesn’t even bother to hide his eye roll. This kid was like a dog with a bone, really.
“Like you know any other music besides Never Ending Story.” Steve throws back and smirks when Dustin immediately bristles.
“Shush! I told you that in complete confidence!” Dustin hisses and Steve apologizes while trying not to laugh when the boy goes back to his search.
‘Head banging” Steve thinks with a huff and a sudden flash of long brown curls swinging comes to his mind before he quickly shrugs it off.
“Target acquired.” Dustin says promptly, and any thoughts of soulmates are out of their minds.
“Did you know that you are more likely to win the lottery than to meet your soulmate?” Robin says out of nowhere one day on their way to yet another job interview.
“What?” Steve has learned in the last couple of months that being friends with Robin means being subjected to the most random subjects at any given time, kinda like with Dustin. He doesn’t think Robin will appreciate the comparison though.
“There are over four billion people in the world, Steve. How probable is that your one and only is in Hawkins, Indiana?” She throws her hands up and says it like it is obvious, like it shouldn’t be a surprise.
“I mean… more probable than not? Isn’t that the whole point?” She falls silent at that and Steve feels that he said something wrong.
“They are in Italian, my songs I mean. It took me a while to figure it out, I just knew it wasn’t English.” Robin says quietly after a few moments and Steve knows this is one of those important moments for them.
“That’s why you know so many languages.” Steve thinks of that one party that feels like it was centuries ago. Of being so so sure that his soulmate is just in reach. He realizes now it is a comfort he never knew he had, and doesn't know what he would do if he was in Robin’s place.
“At first, yeah, then I just really liked learning them. I get to say shit like i tuoi capelli sembrano particolarmente stupidi oggi.” She throws at him with a smirk and Steve is glad to see it, even if he knows she is making fun of him in some way.
“Hey! Did you just call me stupid? I got that.” He says, inflecting a fake indignation that makes Robin laugh at him. He feels himself smiling in return and turns his eyes to the radio. “Whatever, let's just… give this girl some good American music to listen to too.” Steve doesn’t notice sometimes, that he has the radio off, what with the almost constant stream of music that he has in his head; it is a little hard to try and make his usual music battle with songs that seem to be literally made to go into war with. But this is for Robin so he turns his radio on the usual station and grins at the song that is playing, even when it makes Robin immediately groan.
“You said good! If I have to listen to this shit one more time, Steve! That is it, I’m taking over the music!” She slaps his hand away and goes for the radio.
“Hey! No!” He argues but it has no heat to it; laughs easily while letting her take control of the buttons.
“Shotgun controls the radio! There is only so much Wham! me and the poor sucker you have for a soulmate can take; I’m not submitting mine to it too.” She flips through stations easily enough, not really satisfied with any of them apparently.
“Wait, stop, go back.” Steve says urgently once she passes one station that is playing something he actually recognizes. Something that for the second time in his life syncs with what is already playing in his head.
“You wanna listen to Metallica?” She asks him, looking completely thrown off; Steve can’t even blame her.
“That’s what this is?” Metallica Steve tries the word out in his head; seems like a fitting name really.
“Oh man, you are such a normie.” Robin snorts but lets the music be. “You know this song.” Robin says in awe; Steve didn't even notice he was singing along.
“It is always… you know.” He gestures to his head and feels something loosen inside of him. Like he finally has at least a little bit more information on the person his soulmate is. He looks back at Robin only to see she is shaking with restrained laughter; him looking at her seems to be too much though and she breaks.
“A metalhead! Steve ‘The Hair’ Harrington’s soulmate is a metalhead.” Robin laughs like it is the most hilarious thing she heard and Steve feels his face flush.
“I thought we were past that.” He says tersely and feels a little bad when he sees her flinch and quiet down.
“Right, I’m sorry.” Robin says quickly and with an awkward smile. Steve just waves her off that it is no big deal.
The next day, when they start working at Family Video, Robin drops a bag filled with tapes on the counter in front of him when their first shift starts.
“These were my dad’s, I thought you could use them.” It is an apology, Steve knows; but it is also so much more than that.
“I can’t take these Robin.” He recognizes only the name Metallica that Robin had told him yesterday, but there are a few others. Megadeth, Motörhead, Dio, Judas Priest…
Christ, Steve would never know of any of these by himself.
“Sure you can! It’s not like he ever came back for them, and I’m not listening to these; they're just… noise. Do it for your poor soulmate’s ears.”
“You just said they are just noise!” He exclaims, smiling at her and she smiles back, bumping their shoulders together amicably. “It’s not like she cares about my ears. What kind of girl listens to these things?” He rummages through the bag, seeing other tapes with all matters of names he never heard before until he feels Robin’s heavy gaze fixed on him and looks back at her. He raises an eyebrow at her wide eyed stare and she seems to snap out of it.
“Right! A girl! Because you are Steve Harrington, of course.”
“What are you going on about, Rob?”
“Nothing! Just, give these a listen will you. Maybe we can broaden your horizons a little bit.” She smiles at him a little fixedly and Steve tries to shake off whatever it is that just happened.
It is a couple of weeks later when they are organizing the tapes for the store’s Halloween selection when Robin notices him humming something new.
“What are you… is that Rocky Horror you are singing?” Robin asks him, once again looking completely thrown off.
“Do you honestly think I know? I’m just glad it is something with a tune I can pick up.” It had been a nice surprise actually, an array of catchy if a little bit strange songs that Steve picked up easily enough and were even stuck in his own head now.
“Steve.” Robin takes both of his shoulders in her hand and looks at him with a gravity that seems honestly uncalled for. “We are watching a movie tonight, and then we are talking about this.”
“It’s not movie night though.” He argues weakly, already knowing there is no point in it; they are watching whatever it is Robin wants to show him. He only hopes it is not something that requires subtitles this time.
The movie turns out to be an… experience , to say the least.
“So… what do you think?” Robin asks once the credits are finally over, looking at his face expectantly but Steve keeps on staring at the TV.
“I think… Tim Curry has some weirdly nice legs.” It makes Robin sputter immediately but Steve can’t even really enjoy it, his mind still a mile per minute.
Steve knows he is an idiot, has it thrown at him enough times, but he always gets there eventually. He knows Robin has been trying to steer him into this ever since she gave him her father’s tapes.
He knows what is looking back at him, he just doesn’t know what to do with it.
It is a really tense week of silence in his head. He is, unfortunately, accustomed now to world ending situations but his soulmate never did get the memo. He will never admit it but he did feel kinda badass swinging his nail bat to the beat of some sick guitar. He might not really be into metal but he does appreciate a good soundtrack.
Right now there is only silence though. Steve feels like he should be glad, he is tense enough without Dio or Metallica or whatever battering on his head too. Looking at how Eddie Munson is now makes him feel like the quiet is probably a really bad sign though.
They just had the scare of their lives with Nancy getting caught in Vecna’s curse. They were trying not to crowd her too much so they left the girls alone in the living room and Steve tried to pace the limited space of Eddie’s cramped room. Steve’s eyes keep flicking back to Eddie, they have for days now.
Eddie has not stayed still for a moment ever since they found him, and for what Steve vaguely remembers from the guy from school that is not exactly uncommon. This is different though, Eddie right now is just a bundle of nerves and Steve understands, he really does.
He still feels like there is something wrong with it; more so than all the shit that they are going through. Like something is missing here. So he keeps looking, like he is going to find it suddenly while Eddie fumbles with the tapes Robin had thrown in her haste to try and help Nancy.
“No fucking respect, let me tell you. Doesn’t know who Black Sabbath is, doesn’t think my tapes are ‘real music’. If we ever get out of this hell I'm gonna have to give you people a lesson in metal.” Eddie rants and looks back at Steve while gesturing with a tape in his hand. And while Steve still has no idea who Ozzy Osborn or Black Sabbath are, he does recognize some of those tapes as the same ones that Robin had given him. The ones that matched what played in his head most of the time. Here they were, spread-out on Eddie Munson’s bed.
Metallica, Megadeth, Motörhead, Dio, Judas Priest
Oh.
He does find something after all.
It takes days for Eddie to wake up.
Steve’s mind continues to be silent.
The only reprieve he had was for that song. The one that at the start of the month had gone on and on for days, like someone was trying to memorize it.
The same song Eddie had played to attract the bats from the Upside Down.
It had shaken him to his core, to listen to it play in the distance and at the same time play it so so clearly in his mind. But it had not shaken him as much as finding Dustin crying onto what all of them thought was Eddie’s corpse.
Blessed be Nancy Wheeler and her ability to stay calm in tense situations. Blessed be Nancy Wheeler for finding the faintest of pulses on Eddie’s neck. It was all Steve had needed to snap out of it and carry Eddie out of the Upside Down and into the hospital.
(They are gonna arrest him!
Is either that or dead!)
It had been an awful couple of days where they had been pried and prodded. Steve with the still open gashes on his sides, Dustin with his broken leg, Lucas with his face all swollen, the girls with all types of scrapes and bruises. Worst of all, Max and Eddie in and out of surgeries.
It feels like a second miracle when Hopper arrives literally back from the dead, with an official looking agent that clears them of any charges they could have. Steve was never as glad for shady agencies as for when they took off the cuffs that connected Eddie to his hospital bed. It probably isn’t going to be that easy to explain everything to the town, but Steve does not care.
Because here Eddie is, alive, awake, and mostly whole.
And Steve’s mind continues to be silent.
He doesn't know what to think, and tries not to have any time to think actually. Goes around the town helping where he can, goes home very sparingly for a shower and a change of clothes before going back to the hospital to check in on Max and Eddie.
“Hey, dude. How is it going?” Steve asks when he sits down on the chair next to Eddie’s bed in the hospital like he does every night. Because he is there every night and neither ever mentions it. Steve almost wishes Eddie would.
“I’m going crazy here, man. There is not a fucking TV in this place, they won’t even bring me a lousy magazine to flip. Wayne can’t bring me my walkman or tapes because they don’t even exist anymore. The silence is driving me nuts.” Steve berates himself for a moment for not thinking how Eddie does not have any access to music actually, his home swallowed up by one of the gates. Steve would have to bring him the tapes he has the next time he passes by his own house.
“Can’t you just… I don't know, sing something to yourself?” Steve suggests as casually as he can, but doesn't know how successful he is with it when Eddie looks at him through his eyelashes in a very considerate way.
“It’s not really that easy for me, man. I can’t really concentrate if I'm not doing something, my mind just… if I don’t have my guitar or actual music playing, my thoughts just go all over the place. One of the reasons why I suck at school.” And Steve can relate to that somewhat, to thoughts not organizing properly, to the words going all over the place. He is more focused on the information being presented to him though.
Eddie can’t really focus on music unless he has music playing. So this whole time…
“Soulmate’s been pretty quiet too, which is a little concerning I guess. I would even take some Wham! right now, anything!” Eddie says, looking directly at Steve before looking down at his hands. He starts fiddling with his fingers, like he misses the rings that aren’t there anymore, a nervous habit and Steve feels like laughing. Feels like screaming and crying a little bit too; it had been a very long couple of weeks.
They were both waiting. Waiting for the other to just give some sign, any sign that they were even there anymore.
It is up to Steve apparently, but it is okay; he can do this. He can.
He doesn’t choose something very obvious, chooses something calmer, something that Steve actually likes and knows how to sing and knows that Eddie knows too. So he plucks it from his mind and starts it and knows exactly when it reaches Eddie’s mind too for the way the other guy suddenly straightens. It is fascinating to see.
But nothing beats how Eddie snaps to look directly at him when he starts to hum together with the melody of the song.
“We would see our minds were free, oh they're free” Steve sings out loud before stopping; knows he can’t reach the note of the final verse. But it is enough.
Eddie has not taken his eyes off Steve ever since he started. Huge brown eyes looking straight at him and Steve feels himself getting lost in them just a little bit.
“Judas Priest?” He asks quietly as if it is a secret between the two of them.
“Seemed a little soon for, you know… the puppet one. And well, I actually kinda like that one.” Steve shrugs, feeling self conscious all of a sudden and Eddie just keeps staring at him.
“King Steve just serenaded me with Judas Priest, because he not only knows it, but likes it. This is probably the weirdest thing that ever happened to me.” Eddie says around an incredulous laugh and Steve tries not to bristle at the nickname.
“You almost got killed by demobats in an alternate version of reality and this is what you consider the weirdest thing that happened to you?” Steve says hoping he can convey how unimpressed he is by it but Eddie just continues to snigger.
“Yeah, fucking crazy, man. Steve Harrington, my soulmate.” It is the first time one of them actually says it, and Eddie’s voice still sounds disbelieving in a way that makes Steve feel something inside him pull him down.
“Yeah…crazy.” Steve says faintly and makes himself stare at the wall opposite to him. He can still see Eddie looking at him from the corner of his eye, a small frown forming on his brow before he settles back down on his pillows.
“You know, I knew I liked guys since I was thirteen.” He says as easy as anything and it makes Steve snap back to stare at him.
“That... I mean, that's…” and just like with Robin, Steve flounders for what to say. To the guy who has literally his soulmate admitting that he likes dudes. “That's good…” It comes out as a question and it makes Steve groan and bury his face in his hands.
At least it results in Eddie laughing. Definitely at him, but well; little victories.
“Yeah, good right.” Eddie gestures between them, still laughing, but continues talking. “What I mean is, here I am; Eddie “The Freak” Munson, queer as I could possibly be. With the most confusing fucking songs playing in my head.”
“What?” Steve asks, not sure what exactly it is that Eddie is trying to get at.
“I mean, not to judge but definitely judging… Tears for Fears ? Wham! ? Really? I mean I can respect all the ABBA, but there is only so much George Michael someone should get, ya know.” Steve groans again but it is better this time, this he is used to; people gently mocking him.
“Shut up.” He snaps back with no real heat and rolls his eyes when Eddie just continues to grin at him; ignores the way he feels his own lips are tugging upwards. “I'm sorry my music taste isn't manly enough for you or something.”
“Your taste in music is basic as fuck, its what it is.”
“Hey!” Steve cries indignantly, but full on smiling now and Eddie just laughs and laughs. It makes something warm and settle somewhere inside Steve.
“But…” Eddie says after a moment, after quieting down a bit and looking back at Steve with a softer expression on his face. “You also learned that there are other radio stations besides the one that plays the top ten hits and whenever my head is too silent you seem to just know somehow and put on Dio; which I'm dying to know how you got your prep hands on a tape by the way.” Steve feels his whole body warm at that and as if he can tell, Eddie changes his tone to slightly teasing as he continues talking “And I pay my respects to Rocky Horror every spooky season, as is my due, but that was one long week of ‘Damn it Janet’ on loop we got there in October.”
“It’s a catchy song!” Steve is quick to defend and it just makes Eddie laugh again. Steve finds he likes the sound of it.
“It sure is, Jan. You know what isn’t?” Eddie shifts quickly back again to serious and Steve can see what the kids mean when they say Eddie brings that game they love into life, how dynamic he is. “Dreamer Deceiver. That is actually not really that simple for a ballad even if it is small; it doesn't have a chorus or any of that. But you knew it by heart just now.”
“I just… like the way it sounds, even if I don’t really get it.” Something flashes in Eddie's eyes but he seems to shake it off as quickly as it came and just smiles back at Steve.
“You continue to astound me, Harrington.” He says in something like awe, in an echo of what he had told him back in the Upside Down but Steve feels his face fall a little bit.
“Steve, it’s just… Just Steve is fine.” Not his last name or some terrible nickname he hated from high school.
“Steve.” Eddie then says his name like he is savoring it and Steve feels his mouth dry at how it sounds. “Well, just Steve. I’m Eddie.” He offers his hand up to Steve, either for him to shake or to hold, it doesn’t really matter.
Steve takes it.
Somehow Eddie convinces Steve to lay on the bed next him, his long deft fingers going through his hair and tells him he has wanted to do that for a long time now.
(I feel like I'm desecrating a Hawkins monument right now.
Dude, shut up.)
They have been like that for a long time, not really saying anything, just Eddie playing with Steve’s hair and him enjoying the feel of it and in turn playing with Eddie’s hand that he kept in his hold, when Eddie finally pauses.
“Hey, I just remembered something I wanted to ask.”
“Shoot.” Steve says simple but after a long moment of just silence he turns so he can properly look up at the other guy.
“…Never Ending Story?” Eddie asks in a very careful tone but Steve sees the way he is trying very hard to suppress a smile and he can’t help himself.
Steve laughs so hard he almost falls off the bed.