Archive of Our Own

"A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you."

―Elbert Hubbard

ERALYN

I panted hard as I shifted on my feet, angling my sparing stick toward my opponent Lorcan. Sweat beaded on my forehead and fell to the ground, soaking the spot it fell at with its saltiness as my muscles were beginning to protest as it'd been a while since I went this hardcore. We'd been at it almost three hours, both releasing our frustrations. Our strength was so unleashed that we'd both made dents in each other’s sparing sticks. On a normal basis, we'd joke about and be lighter with each other than we'd been in years, but today, that was not the case as it was not easy.

Lorcan had been frowsy ever since the end of the war, as Elide and he had never really patched things up between them completely. Lorcan had always been an ass though, so that little lady who was his match surely set him straight. However, what pissed Lorcan off the most was that she was human, which meant that one day she would grow old and die, as her youth had already started fading. Elide was now in her late thirties, married with three children to a Silent Assassin she met in the war.

I remember that days she started to run to him more often and he around her more so. I remember the pain Lorcan held in his eyes. She really did crack open his walls , Gavriel used to whisper to me silently. But he royally fucked up and broke her trust , I used to whisper back.

From what it seemed, those two used to rely heavily on each other, so when Lorcan broke her trust, he also broke her. I'll admit over the years, Elide did patch up her relationship with Lorcan slightly as he was persistent for that to happen, but she still got married to someone else and pursued happiness with another man.

From the day of her wedding, I saw a piece of Lorcan die. When her first child was born two years later, he turned different and so for twenty years, he would go around like his soul had been eaten. The majority of the cadre , as Aelin still proudly called it, slowly pulled him out of his dark place and while he always had one foot in the Underworld, he was at least talking. I was with him often, just beside him so he wasn't alone.

Lorcan had long apologized for his mistake of letting Aelin into the clutches of Maeve and paid his price handsomely to the demi-Fae by defending her with his life which was almost lost. After that little episode, Rowan slowly let him back in as did the others, and as she Settled and realized that in the long term, mistakes can be mended for the better, Aelin did as well.

But Elide never did, not in the way he wanted her to. There were parts of me that didn't understand but after all, Lorcan was the first person Elide was ever comfortable with romantically. Perhaps, after him, she was a bit more experienced and realized that what she wanted was a five-hundred-year-old warrior who had seen and heard everything. Perhaps, she had wanted something a bit more like her. A human. She moved on as we all did after the war.

Nightmares and fears plagued our minds and our consciousness, but we had all the time in the world to fight them. This is what we fought for. What we slaughtered, tore ourselves apart, and died for.

A free world, how it should have been from the very being.

The people were happy, but they were ignorant of the toll it paid on those who fought to bring them that happiness. All of us agreed, however, that perhaps it was better that way because while we all suffered and died, it would be the people who carried on our legacies, our dreams.

"Lorcan," I wheezed out, "we should stop for now." I was tired, to be honest. I had a hard time sleeping last night, and the past nights as well. The sleep deprivation was really taking its toll on me.

Lorcan looked at me through glazed eyes and nodded distantly.

Today was the twentieth wedding anniversary for Elide and her husband, Saheb, and Aelin, of course, threw a party. Every year on this day, Lorcan would be completely out of it and get rip-roaring drunk as the night fell and bed some other woman who looked the exact opposite of Elide. Aelin used to joke that I would be one of those women, but I didn't think I would ever be because my hair, although much darker, was a similar color to Elide's.

Shaking my head to regain some stability, I stood a bit straighter and dusted myself off before heading over to where Lorcan stood and patting him on the back, I said, "You'll be okay."

He just looked at me with those sad eyes full of regret and shook his head, before he deposited his sparring stick in the bin and stalked off to some bar even though it was still mid-morning.

I sighed and also put up my sparring stick before I headed in the opposite direction of him towards Aelin's office, where I could sense the others were meeting. After that, I hoped to sleep before I was whisked off into the frilly skirts and the lavish wines of the party.

Upon entering, I spied Aelin, Rowan, Gavriel, the twins, Aedion, and Vaughan all hushedly talking. When they saw me splay open the doors, some winced and Fenrys stifled a laugh as he said, "You look beat." Everyone else in the room seemed inclined to agree.

I rolled my eyes and huffed, "I'm sleep deprived, and having Lorcan attempt to beat the shit out of me early in the morning when I'm starving is bound to have me looking like a mess." I took a second to internally envision my appearance and winced as well at the bruises slowly disappearing on my hands, the sweat soaking my clothes, and the small hairs that had sprung free of my plaited hair. "On another note, I'm done keeping an eye on him for today, who's on duty next?"

Rowan sighed, "As idiotic as this is, it was just what we were discussing. Vaughan said that he'd handle him for the rest of the day." The said male barely blinked as all turned on him, but I couldn't care less. As long as I didn't have to deal with Lorcan, I was good.

I flopped myself onto the lavish couch located on the side of the study for when Aelin had chocolate cake and wished to lounge with it while reading the latest romance or smutty novel. I sighed in relief, closing my eyes, as I felt my sore muscles relaxing slightly, but it was barely a moment before Aelin snapped, "Get the hell off my couch with your sweaty, smelly self. I have to sit in here almost all hours of the day as it is. The last thing I want is to have a stewing scent in here with me."

I snorted, folded my arms behind my head, and crossed my ankles as I replied, "Relax, just use some of those disgustingly overbearing perfumes you can afford to fix it," I opened my eyes and fixed her a stare that could have lesser Fae running for the hills, "but the next time you say I smell, I'll take your nose out." I settled myself back down and closed my eyes again as Rowan snarled.

In a flash, Aelin chucked a pen at me with deadly accuracy, but, unfortunately for her, I caught it with a smirk and threw it at Fenrys who was trying very, very hard to control his laughter before settling deeper into the couch.

With a sigh from Gavriel and a bark of rage from Fenrys, some light bickering ensued before Vaughan said, "I suppose I'll go now," he turned to me and spoke even though I had my eyes closed, "Do you know where he went?"

I cast my mind out, searching for his brooding self, and snorted when I found him. I wrenched myself from the couch and opened my eyes with great dismay as I told Vaughan, "He's at the pub that was named after him, ironically."

Fenrys snorted, "Of course he is."

I got up from the couch and looked at it, seeing the sweat stains imprinted on it which I had no doubt Aelin was glaring at. With a lazy hand, I waved it away, instantly making it clean-looking again, and she scoffed, "Show off."

I gave her a wink before I turned back to Vaughan. "I'll winnow you there, just because I don't want Lorcan alone more than he needs to be."

"Why?" Aelin question. "I don't know why I never asked this before, but I noticed you’re always the one around Lorcan. Have you gone into his head or something?"

I shook my head as I crossed the room to Vaughan's side to grip his hand, "I can see what's eating away at a person," I gave her a weak smile, "but no one can see what eats away at me."

With a breath in, I winnowed Vaughan and I away before anyone could say anything else, although I wasn't too sure what they could say.

We landed just in front of the pub named The Dark Warrior Heart . After the war, the people were so overjoyed that in honor of us, their "saviors", they named various things after us including inns, bars, pubs, and streets, and erected statues and sculptures in temples for the god they believed we were sent down by.

As per usual, the streets were bustling in this square just for Hellas' Son. Merchants from here, there, and everywhere called about to the passersby to announce what goods had just been brought in as the strong winds pushed in favor of these shores as of late.

The pub was quiet at the moment which meant that Lorcan hadn't started something yet, and I sighed out in relief. I patted Vaughan on the back as he gazed at me with the intent of figuring out what was going on in my head and winnowed to the room I frequently stayed in located in the castle.

I slid directly into the tub and took a few breaths. With an oncoming headache, I used my magic to peel off the spider silk clothes I usually wore for sparing and turn on the soothing, boiling water. The invisible hands slowly unraveled my hair and added bath scents to the water as it filled the tub. When the water reached at least a finger's width from the lip of the lavish tub, the hands stopped the water and vanished, seeing as their job was done, and I sank myself deeper into the water. Sleep deprivation overruling my hunger and the fact that I was in a tub, I fell asleep.

...

Screaming.

Endless screaming.

I hated that I couldn't make it stop. They were always screaming. So loud that I could feel my ears starting to bleed.

I didn't know why they were screaming.

Hands were grabbing at me, asking me to save them, but I couldn't because my hands were full of blood.

So red, that blood.

It slid into the grooves of my palms and fit me like a second skin. As I raised my hands up, they covered more and more of my skin, slowly sliding down to my elbows.

And then came the tears, so red.

I did this.

And, still, they wouldn't stop screaming.

"Eralyn..."

"... come..."

"... it... cold..."

"Eralyn."

"Eralyn?"

"Eralyn!"

Instantly, I was aware. The blade I had near the edge of the tub was immediately in my hand and angled at the intruder's throat.

Golden hair.

Onyx eyes.

Beautiful face.

I almost said Mor, but Fenrys was too masculine and handsome to be compared to her flawless feminine beauty. Water slid down his immaculate face and his rock-hard muscles. His breathing was hot against my face and I felt my heartbeat pounding.

I panted hard as I started to take in the world around me. I was still in my bathroom and in the tub with the hot water now lukewarm. Fenrys was under me in the tub as well, probably because I pulled him in when I awoke alarmed. His white drawstring shirt was now see-through as the water soaked it and the water was so murky I could barely see anything underneath which meant he couldn't see anything either. When I finally focused back on his face, I noticed the way his face gleamed due to the water and the undeniable beauty that could any man or woman weak, even me, it seemed.

It was then I realized that the only reason it was "good" that the water was murky and both he and I couldn't see anything past where the water met our chests was because I was still stark naked! I felt all the blood rush to my cheeks as I randomly flung the blade somewhere in the bathing room and scrambled the furthest I could away from him as the bathtub would allow, submerging myself all the way up to the bridge of my nose, attempting to hide my nakedness and my blushing. The sexiest deep chuckle I ever heard escaped his mouth as he sat up at his end of the tub and smirked.

I resisted rolling my eyes at his usual cockiness and said, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

He kept smiling, "So you can be caught off guard..."

"What the fuck do you want," I growled this time.

He licked his lips a bit and frown as I only raised myself up to the start of my cleavage. "You disappeared for a while, for quite a few hours actually. Aelin wanted to know where you were, so I volunteered to find you. The party is about to begin in a few hours. On top of that, Lorcan wants you, but I'll warn you, he's super drunk."

I snarled at his stagnant smirk. "Get out."

He threw his dripping wet hands up in mock surrender and chuckled once again, before stepping out and dripping everywhere.

Holy shit. How have I never noticed his sexy ass chuckles before? Maybe because I don't really engage with him? On top of that, he looks like sex on legs !

"Do I at least get to dry off, or does everyone get to assume we had a very nice-"

I snapped my fingers, instantly making him clean and dry before he could even finish that dreaded sentence. I was beginning to get frustrated at how sexually attracted I suddenly was toward him.

"Huh," he said, looking himself up and down, "How come I never asked about that little trick before?" I rolled my eyes this time and flung my finger toward the door. He grinned so wide that I really did think his face would split in half, not that I would have minded. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and walked out the door with no sound but my breathing which was increasing due to my increasing sexual frustration. I quickly shook my head, snapping myself out of it, and quickly got out of the tub and draining it.

My first priority was getting to Lorcan before he did anything stupid. Aelin's party for Elide's wedding anniversary wasn't really a big deal because we all knew she just liked to throw parties for the hell of it.

Using my magic once again, it brushed out my wet locks as I toweled off and then proceeded to help me find some decent clothes in my rather large armoire which Aelin so generously gifted to me. Choosing form-fitting dark blue cotton tights and a rather loose decorative top that still pronounced my fit figure, I slipped them on and put on black boots that reached my ankles as the invisible hands put my hair in a half up, half down style. Slipping out of the door of the bathroom which had an adjoining room just for my clothes and accessories, including my huge armoire, I saw Fenrys waiting for me on my bed, flipping through the books I had left there.

His brows were furrowed as he looked up at me and waved the book at me, "What's this?"

I pursed my lips and went around my room putting things back in their place while humoring him, "Something that might help me get home."

He went silent for a moment before saying, "Oh. Sometimes I forget you're from another world."

I sighed as I finished straightening and looked toward him. "Who's winnowing, me or you?"

His smile was back to its cocky grace as he stood up and slid my hand into his. "I'm a gentleman. I'd be quite rude of me not to do the honors."

I just rolled my eyes and gripped his hand a bit tighter as I said, "Just take me to Lorcan."

"As you wish, lady," and like that, we vanished from the comfort of my room.

Because I found it more convenient, I decided after the war to live in the castle, as it was easier to do but also because I didn't feel like being alone.

We landed on the ground of the still bustling square in front of the pub. The night was taking on the day as blues and purples began to paint the sky. I snapped back to reality as some yelling could be heard from the inside and I cursed as I ran inside, Fenrys following close behind.

The main room had a bunch of demi-Fae since this was a popular site for the demi-Fae that lived here in Terrasen. All of their heads were turned toward the back where the private rooms were and also where I scented Lorcan to be, and from the looks of it, the cadre as well. All heads swerved to Fenrys and I as we burst it, but I didn't care. I hauled ass to the all-around wooden room with a couple of tables to see Rowan and Lorcan about to draw their blades.

Instantly, I cast out my mind and gripped theirs with so much force that I could tell both of them had a hard time holding in their screams of agony. "Stop it, you two," my voice boomed into the room. I took my voice down a notch as Rowan's breathing turned normal and released him from the mental hold. Lorcan, on the other hand, looked like literal shit. His bloodshot eyes and horrendous breath were too evident and I only felt sorry for him. The poor male suffered for twenty years. It was time for him to be forgiven. "Sit down, Lorcan," I said quietly but held firm. The said male slowly turned around to face me, and as I gradually released his mind from my hold, he walked back to his seat at the center table of the private room and sat down with a hard 'thump'.

I noticed Gavriel's tense figure and put a hand on his shoulder as I passed by, "I have him, it's fine." He nodded and eased up a bit but not all the way. I looked to the rest of them, "You all can leave if you want. I'm just going to talk to him and sober him up a bit." I sat down in the chair in front of him. His head hung low as he gripped the bottle on the table to keep his torso upright.

"I don't think any of us are leaving anytime soon," Rowan snarled, "We are getting to the bottom of this issue so we can stop being miserable by constantly being cautious of him when he's around. You know his dangers, Eralyn. If anything, you know it best."

I sighed as I guessed he was right. I did know Lorcan best because we'd been together for the longest time but it didn't mean I knew everything. Some things I would have to delve into his mind for, but I'd rather not live with the guilt of having done that to a person who trusts me and a person I trust so I refrained.

I shifted the chair away from the table and made it parallel to it and got as close as I could to Lorcan. With his head down, I could see what this situation was doing to him. He loathed himself and felt so much regret that it turned to self-hate. And he was drowning in it.

"Lorcan, look at me," I said softly. He shook his head childishly. "Lorcan," I said a bit more demandingly. He slowly almost shyly looked at me. With his full attention on me, I leaned back in my chair and stuffed my hands in my pockets. I slowly smirked, "You look like shit, you bastard." I swore I could hear Connall choke.

Lorcan let out a humorless, hoarse chuckle, "I'm sure I do. If I didn't, then I'd have to say I look better than you."

I snorted, "You wish you were, Lory, you wish you were." This time all of them, except Vaughan who had been the only one to leave, choked or sucked in a breath or stumbled on the nickname. Lorcan leveled me a look and I let my grin widen, but suddenly his eyes became glazed, and with a peek in his head, I saw that he was drifting into the past.

He laid his head on the scuffed table, his neck slightly bared as if he wanted someone to come and severe his head. "Eralyn," he said, "do you remember the days when it was just you and I?"

I raised a brow at his words and hung my head back to gaze at the wooden ceiling as I let out a breath, "You know, you can't just ask me to go five hundred years in time. It makes me feel old."

"We are old," he grunted in return.

Fenrys, of course, was having a hard time keeping his mouth shut. Vaughan returned bringing food that might sober Lorcan up as he was the only one that had left when I said they all could. With thanks in his direction, I used my magic to straighten Lorcan up and he lazily gazed upon the food. He wasn't going to be eating anytime soon.

I sighed again and looked at him with my folded arms braced on the table, "We did some dumb shit when we were younger if I remember correctly."

A slow smile made its way onto his face and Fenrys finally opened that infernal mouth of his, "Wait, I want to hear what happened!" I could see Rowan physically refrain from hitting hit upside the head.

"Shut up, boyo," he snarled, but only received a grin from Fenrys instead. I chuckled a bit before I looked back to Lorcan who then spoke in a much softer tone that I had never heard.

"I think... if we weren't so young and misled, the both of us could've taken care of her long before," Lorcan whispered lowly.

—

The entire room went still.

Eralyn blew out a shaky breath, "It wasn't the prettiest, but I took her to hell just fine."

"You almost died, though," Connall said after a pause.

Eralyn shrugged, "So did Aelin." Rowan decided that it was an effort not to go down to hell and rip Maeve to shreds himself. Eralyn sighed, "You need to wake the hell up, Lorcan. I'm tired of being the one who has to put you down all the time. That's not the way it should be. All of us together, no matter how much we piss each other the hell off, are all part of one functioning unit. We all need to be cooperative and in our right minds if we want this to work."

Lorcan’s lip curled a bit and he raised his head causing some of the males to tense, "You think I want to be like this?"

Eralyn pursued her lip before saying, "It seems like it."

He stood up so fast that if she didn't know his habits, she would have been dead. He was dangerously close to her and his hands fisted themselves at the neck of her tunic. All the males instantly encircled them with their blades half drawn to put Lorcan down if need be, but Eralyn paid no heed. If she wanted to, she could turn all their minds to liquid. Lorcan and his drunk temper or his fast reflexes did not worry her one bit.

"Sit down, Lorcan. I won't tell you again." She kept her face indifferent, but her voice dropped to a dangerous level. He slowly released as he realized what he was doing. He dropped down into his seat again and hung his head in defeat. A broken male was what he was, and she didn't know if she could fix him. She could take away his memories, but then have to live with the guilt of invading his mind and his privacy as well as breaking the promise she made to herself. She decided she wouldn't touch any of their minds because she had enough demons that plagued her nightmares as it is.

"Can you sober him up, Eralyn," Gavriel sighed, "because I don't think we'll get anything out of him if we continue like this." With a nod of agreement from all the rest, Lorcan abruptly spewed the liquid all over the floor beside him, right at Fenrys' feet.

The male was disgusted. "What the hell, Eralyn! What did I ever do to you?" His question was answered with a sharp look from her and he kept his mouth shut as Rowan barely maintained a straight face.

The amber mess of saliva and alcohol disappeared from the floor―but not from Fenrys' boots, much to his dismay―and Lorcan coughed a bit before he shook his head out to gather his bearings.

He groaned before he said in a rough and coarse voice, horribly croaking out, "How long was I out?"

Eralyn lightly smacked his head, "Long enough, but we have to make sure it never happens again. I don't want to deal with your shit because I'm being overflown with my own as it is." The male just put his head in his hands.

"Five hundred years ago, my brother decided he hated his father. He decided that he hated the way his father ruled, hated the way he acted, hated his entire being in general. He also decided that he was not going to be like his father, so when he came to power after my father's demise, he created something new." All the males waited patiently to hear Eralyn's point because they did not really know anything about her past and now that she brought it up, it grabbed the attention of their previously buried curiosity. "My birthplace is known to be the most ruthless, cruelest and destructive of all other countries. It is said that they could lay waste to the entire world if they wanted to," she paused for a moment, "and while that fact, in particular, is true due to us holding the largest military force in all of the lands, the rest of it is all a facade to keep people away. A twisted solution to the threat of attack: make yourself the greatest enemy. It turned out to be the most successful process in history but at a steep cost. The facade placed all of my family, the ones who kept it up day and night, into depression, into hopelessness and exhaustion. My brother then put into action his 'something new'. He created the Court of Dreams. A place where the suffering people under the burden of protecting thousands of people could find a safe haven. That court is where my family bonds the most, without me." Her voice faltered and Fenrys felt his heart stutter. "But that was my choice. Four hundred years ago, I had a choice: either leave this world or stay in Maeve's clutches." She chuckled a bit drily, "And as a poor decision as it was, I chose to stay."

Rowan furrowed his brows, "But that was different, she threatened you that she would kill us all."

Eralyn shrugged, "Maybe, maybe not, but the point is that I made my choice to stay here and protect you all in my own twisted way." She looked at Lorcan. "You made a choice, Lorcan, to let her be happy with whatever person she chose to spend the rest of her life with. You told me, that you would accept whatever she decided. You gave her that choice, that approval. Even if you regret it, you can't do anything about it."

"Then what am I supposed to do, Eralyn? What do I do?" His hoarse voice made her refrain from snapping back at him to shut up and let her finish. She sighed instead.

"You find happiness in her happiness."

When she said that, he slowly dragged his eyes to her and twisted them in confusion. Happiness from someone else's? He flickered back to the time when that was his goal. When he had let Elide go.

"Find peace within yourself that by letting her go, you gave her that joy. By walking in the other direction, no matter how hard it was, you let her blossom into a wife and a mother and the happiest she has ever been. Find satisfaction that her smile tonight will be because you let her go, you let her find this heaven, you let her grow."

Other than the unsteady breath from Lorcan, the room was dead silent.

And Lorcan realized that, at that moment, she was right, that Eralyn had always been right. She'd always been there and she knew him best. He looked at the rest of the males there, the ones that had stayed by his side and put up with his shit for twenty years.

And he burst out weeping.

Eralyn giggled a little, the sound foreign on her tongue and the other males all released a sigh as Lorcan finally came back to his senses.

"I'm so, so sorry, " he sobbed hoarsely. Eralyn decided that he was a handsome crier and with a smile on her face, she sidled her chair up closer to him and wrapped her arms around him as the other males stopped rejoicing to put on soft smiles on their faces.

Except for Fenrys... the poor boy didn't know how to feel, but he hated the taste of jealousy.

Regardless, the sun had finally set as did this period of Lorcan's life and he knew that this was his chance to move on. To keep looking past the horizon. To maybe find someone... else.