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It is the time of the year when larches have long since lost their needles and only the fir trees stay in their green. Lexa stands at the open window and looks into the sparse forest, where the view is wide at this time. Coldness is hanging in the air and Lexa can smell soon there will be the first snow. She will order the lumberjack to gather more wood, something tells her that a hard winter is coming.
Standing at the window, Lexa lets the cold settle on her face, making her feel her cheeks burn. She closes her eyes and listens to the forest. Lexa concentrates, as she has learned and there it is. In the far distance, she can make out rapid hoof beats. The riders she has sent out are returning.
Lexa closes the window and returns to her desk. There is still time and she has left a ton of work in the last weeks. Titus laid out for her a stack of the most important documents. Applications, reviews that do not allow another day of delay.
Lexa goes through the papers carefully. She has decisions to make, but most of the letters only require her signature. When she finishes, she massages her throbbing temples. She has barely slept in the last few weeks. A hurricane rages inside her that she cannot tame. Fire that never can be extinguished and worry so powerful that it makes her feel for the first time how little power she actually has.
Don’t give up, don’t give up, don’t give up.
The moment she is through with the papers, there is a knock on the door.
„Come in.“
Titus enters and looks at her with concern. Lexa didn’t pull her hand fast enough away from her temples. But presumably, even so, he knows she is overtired.
Lexa lifts her head. „How is Clarke?“ The same question day after day.
„No change, Lexa.“ Same answer, day after day.
„Were there any candidates today?“ This question plagues her every day.
„Yes, there were a number again.“ And that answer torments her every day.
Lexa rises from her desk and steps to the window again. „Good, the riders will be back soon, they ride very fast. They will be hungry. Let’s reward them with a richly set table and a few barrels of our best wine.“
Titus nods, then he glances at the desk. He takes with him the papers Lexa has been working through. Before he leaves, he stops and Lexa raises an eyebrow questioningly.
„Please don’t stay up to long. The riders will be drinking and falling into a mood to celebrate.“
Lexa nods. She likes to party with her people. She is not embarrassed to drink and enjoy life with them. They are funny, tell jokes, and there are dancers to set the mood. Lexa loves dancing, it is a feeling of freedom. She loves the music, the instruments, the drums and the rhythm. But today there is no occasion. The riders will bring someone and besides, no one will feel like celebrating. Certainly not Lexa. Not since the curse.
Lexa nods silently, then leaves the study, leaving Titus there.
On her way to the throne room, where she will greet her arriving guest, she takes a detour. She comes into the wing she has provided for Clarke and her people. She doesn’t want to, but her feet carry her a little further, so far that she stops near the closed door. In there, Clarke lies sleeping, and she is not alone. Far be it from Lexa to eavesdrop, but she still hears what is being said at Clarke’s bedside.
„Today Lincoln asked me to marry him. He’s the love of my life, Clarke. I know I’ve said that once before, but this time it’s different. I feel it in every cell of my body. And he loves me Clarke. He loves me so much. If only I knew who you loved, then you would finally wake up. Please Clarke, there has to be someone.“
Lexa gulps. That’s Octavia, who is with Clarke. Lexa hears sobs and feels her own lump in her throat. Respectfully, she turns away.
Clarke is asleep and Lexa is to blame for this. She wasn’t there when the Ice Nation came to take away the dearest thing she has. Again.
Since the Mount Weahter thing, her people have allied with Clarke’s people. It wasn’t easy, but they all pulled together and it worked. They trained together, dinned together, and finally they went into the big battle and freed the imprisoned people inside the mountain.
All in all It was a success. And the Mountain man are defeated.
Since then they have lived in peace, the Sky People are welcome among their people and vice versa, and the delicate bond between Clarke and her has been knitted further.
Lexa knew almost from the first moment she saw Clarke, this woman had the power to break all of her walls. She felt it deep inside her and so it happened. She fell in love, she fell in love fast and hard and without any possibility of turning back, despite all reason.
And Lexa was so happy when Clarke said she wanted to move in with her in the tower and help her with her work and learn more of Lexa and her people. Lexa could hardly believe her luck and had the room with the most beautiful view prepared for her and enjoyed every minute she could spend time with Clarke. They told each other stories, rode out with the horses, became more and more friends. Even if it wasn’t just friendship Lexa felt. She didn’t give up hope.
But then the queen of the Ice Nations, the witch Nia came and destroyed their happiness. She can’t bear the thought of Lexa’s people allied with Clarkes‘ and she can’t bear to see Lexa happy either. She can do some magic. An against magic, even her strongest fighters can do nothing. Nia knows this and the witch put a curse on Clarke that makes her sleep deeply. Clarke is in a deep sleep and only the kiss of true love can wake her up. Nia, the witch, knows exactly what she is doing to Lexa.
Lexa was out for an appointment when the tower was attacked. When Lexa returned, it had already happened. Clarke, her beloved Clarke was already fast asleep.
Bellamay, was the first to try to wake Clarke. He was so sure and for a moment Lexa wished it worked only to be able to look into those blue eyes again. As his mouth approached Clarke's lips and he whispered,
„Clarke my love, though we have never spoken it loud, I know there is something between us. My kiss will wake you up. I love you Clarke,“
He lowered his mouth and Lexa turned away.
A little later a painful sound went through the room and Lexa looked back over her shoulder. Clarke continued to sleep.
Bellamy shook his head dejectedly. „It didn’t work, I guess she doesn’t love me.“
Lexa was disappointed and relieved in equal measure, and admonished herself at the relief she felt, wanting nothing more than for Clarke to finally wake up.
Abby and Marcus Kane took matters in their hands and Lexa provided them with everything they needed.
Since then, some days there are lines of people outside the tower. They are mostly men who claim they can wake Clarke from her deep sleep.
Lexa wishes she could help Clarke. She would kiss Clarke and her love would be enough and Clarke would wake up. But that’s not how the kiss of true love works. That kiss only works when they both love each other and Lexa knows Clarke doesn’t love her.
Clarke doesn’t want her, Clarke doesn’t want her, Clarke doesn’t want her.
The horse riders are back and they have accomplished their mission. They were faster than the wind and they have Finn with them. Finn is Clarke’s ex boyfriend, they broke up and Finn joined a group that went off to reach the city by the sea and live there from now on.
„Where is my Clarke? What happened? Clarke, I’m going to save you.“
Lexa turns at the voice and there is standing Finn.
His hair has grown longer, it’s ragged from the wind and his cheeks are red from the cold. He dropped everything to help Clarke. He didn’t bat an eye; he must still love Clarke very much.
Lexa silently leads him to Clarke’s chamber. Once there, the doors open and Octavia steps out of Clarke’s room and Abby at the same time, comes out of the adjoining chamber.
They both greet Finn, and Lexa stares into the room where Clarke lies. She looks at the sleeping body and it hurts, so much.
Suddenly, they’re all there, and it gets loud. Lexa nods at them, then turns away, only to run up and down the hallways. She can’t leave now. But she can’t be there either.
It’s not too long before Finn comes out into the hallway. He’s crying and he looks terrible. He comes up to Lexa and there’s something wild in his gaze.
„She doesn’t love me. She loves you, I always knew,“ he spits the words at her and Lexa’s mouth opens with astonishment.. She can only stare, even after Finn is long gone and later on Octavia leaves the room with red teary eyes.
She loves you, she loves you, she loves you.
Abby comes out and Lexa is still standing in the hallway.
„It didn’t work, Lexa. It was our last chance. What are we going to do now. Isn’t there anyone who loves my daughter?“ Abby is distraught and Lexa swallows hard.
I love Clarke. I love her so much. I love her forever.
Lexa remains silent. She can’t speak.
Later that evening, there is a knock on the door in the study. She sits over more papers, since she can’t sleep anyway. Surprised, Lexa lifts her head.
„Come in.“
„Hello Lexa.“
„Hello Raven,“ Lexa greets surprised the unexpected visitor.
„So this is where you always hide,“ Raven says, her eyes darting around, taking in the bookshelves, the paintings, and Lexa’s private collection of swords on the wall.
„I work here,“ Lexa replies. Raven’s presence makes her feel uncomfortable.
Raven doesn’t seem to mind, she steps closer and then stops in front of Lexa’s desk.
„Why don’t you try?“
„What?“ Lexa plays dumb, but her heart suddenly beats faster.
„You want to kiss Clarke and have her wake up.“
Lexa stares into the doe eyes, then says calmly and thoughtfully, „Yes. I want Clarke to wake up.“
Raven returns her steady gaze. „And maybe she will if you try,“ Raven replies nonchalantly, as if it’s not the sensation at all, as if it’s not all Lexa wants.
Lexa bites her lips and considers. Raven doesn’t seem to mind, she waits patiently. She reaches for the carved wooden figurine that decorates Lexa’s desk and takes it in her hand. It is a bear that Costia has carved for her. It’s hard to tell, it could be a dog, but Costia insisted it is a bear because it is as strong as Lexa. Raven looks at the figure and Lexa is not sure she recognizes the animal, but Lexa doesn’t care.
„Why would Clarke wake up if I kissed her?“ she asks instead, her voice trembling a little. Lexa resists the urge to clear her throat.
„Because you love her,“ Raven states. Just like that.
Lexa doesn’t deny it. She licks her dry lips, then gives up the game. „Raven, Clarke doesn’t love me, I know it for a fact.“ Lexa’s voice is soft at that.
Raven frowns. „What makes you think that?“
Lexa decides to be honest and she wants to open up and she wants to talk to someone about it.
„I kissed her, some time ago. I thought she wanted it too, I thought she felt the same way. But then she stopped and didn’t kiss me back. She said she wasn’t ready.“
„And that’s why you’re here melting into self-pity and locking yourself away. Why don’t you try again? It was a long time ago and she was just separated from Finn then.“
„You..you know about that? Did Clarke tell you?“
„Of course she told me, she’s my friend. Clarke may keep some things to herself, I don’t know what it is exactly that’s going on between you, but there’s a chance it’s love. But I guess you don’t love her after all if you’re not even willing to try. You’re a coward, Lexa.“
With those words, Raven slams the bear down on the table, turns, and walks away.
Lexa is frozen in place. For the second time that day.
Raven is long gone, and Lexa broods. She broods and broods and broods.
Coward. Coward. Coward.
And then she makes a decision and her heart pounds.
Clarke lies in her bed, as she always has. Sometimes she comes to visit Clarke in the night, then when the blonde is alone. Lexa then whispers and prays but she never touches Clarke. She doesn’t kiss her either.
Clarke is wearing a fresh nightgown and her curly hair is neatly combed away from her face.
Slowly, Lexa steps closer, and then she reaches for Clarke’s hand. It’s warm, a little rough in places but soft nonetheless and Lexa holds the slender precious hand in hers.
„Clarke, you once told me you needed more time and I respected your wishes. Since then we have gotten to know each other better and every day, every minute I get to spend by your side is pure happiness. You are my sunshine, my everything. Normally I would respect your wish and not push you and wait if something comes from your side. Because I never give up hope that one day you will return my feelings.“
Lexa strokes the back of her hand and looks at the sleeping Clarke, „But since you can’t tell me how you feel, I’ll be brave. Forgive my brusqueness, Clarke.“
Lexa leans down „Love is made of courage,“ she whispers. With those last words, Lexa closes her eyes and kisses Clarke on the mouth. She presses her lips against it and she hopes and she prays that her love will reach Clarke and that Clarke will love her back. Lexa waits a second or two, then pulls away.
She feels like her quivering heart is about to leap out of her chest, but nothing happens. Clarke’s eyes remain closed and she doesn’t move.
The disappointment is instantaneous and it is so great that Lexa’s whole body slumps.
She didn’t wake up, she didn’t wake up, she didn’t wake up.
Lexa presses her hand in front of her mouth to stifle her sobs, then flees the room.
Lexa is with her horse in a nearby clearing in the woods. She lies on the cold ground and feels nature around her. Morning is breaking and she needs the forest now so she can draw strength from it and continue living. She is Heda and must not show any weakness because of an unfortunate love story.
Tomorrow morning she will ride off and face Nia. She will challenge the witch, even though she knows, Nia has not the power to lift her own curse. But Lexa has to do something.
She lies there staring at the sky, eventually she becomes aware of distant footsteps.
Lexa turns her head to the side as she lies there and then in the light forest, suddenly over the hill an apparition steps closer. The figure comes closer and closer and it is so familiar, Lexa can’t look away.
Blond hair like sun shines and sparkles, a bright smile on her face, as if the fact that she is awake is no wonder. As if it were just a usual sunny day in the forest. An angel.
Then Clarke is standing in front of her.
Lexa is lying there on the ground with her mouth open and Clarke sits down on the ground with her.
She pulls off a small blade of grass and plays with it in her hand while holding her nose in the air.
„Isn’t it nice when the air is so clear. The forest smells so good.“
Lexa can only nod her head in disbelief. „You’re awake,“ Lexa states the obvious, still unsure if she’s not dreaming.
„Yeah, someone finally woke me up.“
Lexa nods and straightens up into a sitting position. She also pulls off a blade of grass and plays with it in her hand. She considers, then she puts herself together.
„This is good. Anyone I know?“
„What?“ Clarke aks, then looks at her with her blue eyes.
„The one who woke you up, is it someone I know?“ Lexa swallows, the blue of her eyes standing out today. Clarke looks so happy. It hurts that there’s someone else who makes her so happy. But she is awake. She is awake. She is awake. She’s awake.
Clarke laughs softly, as if her question is funny or something.
„Mmm,“ Clarke nods, „yeah you know the person.“
Then Clarke drops back to the ground and looks up into the treetops. „I can see why you love this place so much and keep coming back here.“
Lexa doesn’t feel like talking about nature right now. She’s confused, more than confused.
„And why are you here? Shouldn’t you be celebrating with your new lover? Not that I’m not happy Clarke that you’re awake. I’m very happy, I’ve been worried sick. I’m sorry that Nia did this to you, it’s my fault, all because of me--“
„Lexa, it’s not your fault,“ Clarke interrupts, gently holding a hand in the air, „and I’d want to go back to sleeping beauty all over again if it meant being woken up like that.“
„How nice for you,“ Lexa says perhaps a little too sarcastically, but it’s not nice to have her happiness rubbed in her face like that when she’s so unhappily in love with Clarke.
Thank goodness Clarke doesn’t know about that, about Lexa trying to kiss her. God, Lexa is an idiot. She feels like crying now.
„Lexa,“ Clarke says softly all at once.
„Do you really not get it?“
„What?“ Lexa asks, afraid she won’t be able to hold her tears back.
„Then I’ll tell you,“ Clarke begins, sitting up next to Lexa. She looks into her face and she looks so soft and gentle, Lexa can’t help but love her. „It was you who woke me up. It was your kiss Lexa, the kiss of true love.“
Lexa opens her mouth. It takes a moment.
„But you didn’t wake up Clarke, I was there and you were asleep even after I kissed you.“
„You should have just waited a moment, you were gone so fast. When I woke up I still felt the touch of the softest lips in the world. It was your lips. It was you.“
„Really?“
„Really!“
And then Lexa grins, she grins so wide, so liberated, so happy.
And Clarke grins back, and they’re both grinning like the fools they are.
Clarke takes her hand and holds it.
„Lexa, when you first kissed me, I had only just broken up with Finn. I was already falling in love with you, but it didn’t seem right so soon after the breakup. You were so understanding. We have grown closer every day since then and my feelings grew stronger and stronger. I knew you wouldn’t make a second move and it was up to me. I wanted to tell you soon, but I wanted it to be perfect, so I wanted to wait for your birthday.“
That’s tomorrow, it goes through Lexa’s mind. With all the excitement, she completely forgot. There’s a huge party tomorrow, just like every year.
„My birthday is not until tomorrow,“ Lexa says no matter if she embarrasses herself further.
But as Clarke’s eyes stare longingly at her mouth, she begins to believe her luck.
„So much the better, I’ll even gain an extra day, contrary to my original plan. A day sooner that I can kiss you,“ Clarke notes, smiling mischievously.
Lexa waits. Then she moistens her dry lips with her tongue, full of anticipation -- and she can’t react that quickly -- Clarke’s mouth is suddenly on hers. They kiss. That kiss is everything. It may begin cautiously, but it changes quickly. It is intimate. Clarke’s lips are so soft and seductive. The kiss has feeling in it, hunger and desire, but most of all love. It is the kiss of true love.
„I love you, Lexa,“ Clarke whispers against her lips, „and thank you for being brave and waking me up.“
Love is made of courage, Lexa thinks. Love is not weakness at all.
„I love you too Clarke, forever,“ Lexa pulls Clarke close, taking in her scent, her warmth, and then they fall deep into another kiss. Tongues meet and hands touch bodies, exploring. A knot loosens inside Lexa and finally at last, she lets her love for Clarke flow freely and best of all -- her love is returned.
THE END