Work Text:
Without Flinching
AN: I’ve been wanting to write new AOS stuff, I tried to write some of my old stories and even started to write a new multichapter story, but none of it felt right. Honestly, even though I am now working my dream job and helping people every day I’ve been in a pretty bad place mentally lately and I haven’t been able to write much of anything. I got this idea and decided to write it. I may write more in the future if I get ideas/if people want me to, but I cannot make any promises. Hope you like this. Let me know what you think.
Ever since Lincoln died and Hive was defeated Daisy Johnson has been thinking about what to do next. While the Playground is her home, and the members of her team are her family Daisy knows she cannot stay any longer. Just like Lumley told Coulson and May all those years ago wherever she goes death follows; the last few months have proven that.
Looking around the room that she has called hers for the last two years Daisy sees the final object she has left to pack. Taking the couple of steps to her beside table Daisy picks up a single object, a photo frame, inside is a photo of her, Coulson, May, Fitz, Simmons, Mack, Hunter, Bobbi, and Trip taken by Billy shortly before Trip died; another death that wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for her.
Staring at the photo Daisy looks at the people she considers to be her family. Coulson and May the parents she always wanted, the people who have been exactly what she always wanted, it just took her time to see it. Mack and Hunter, her big brothers who remaindered in in some ways of the older kids who would look out for her during her early years at Saint Agnes but became so much more. Trip, her partner in crime who was always there. Bobbi, the big sister she always wanted, who she spent so much time with while she was recovering from being shot by Ward’s trap. Fitz and Simmons…. Her best friends, the first people to accept her for her.
“I’m doing this to protect you,” Daisy says to the photo, almost willing them to hear her though the truth is she doesn’t want them to know until she is gone, she couldn’t face them, and after staring at the imagine for a few moments Daisy puts it in her duffle bag and closes it.
After closing her bag Daisy puts on her leather jacket and after looking around her room once more Daisy picks up her bag and heads out of her room. Reaching the door to the room Daisy pauses once more, hesitating, but as she knows she is making the right choice Daisy pulls open the door and leaves the first room, other than her van, she has called hers.
Leaving her room Daisy makes her way through the playground as no one, she suspects not even Coulson and May, know the Playground as well as her Daisy makes her way through the old tunnel in a way that she is sure won’t allow her to be seen.
As she gets closer to the exit Daisy knows this is it, this is the end, once she leaves there is no coming back. Over her life she has left many places, but the steps she took have never been as hard as the ones she is currently taking towards the door.
“Really? Leaving without telling anyone?” A familiar voice asks and Daisy quicky turns to see May casually leaning against the wall, in an alcove before the exit, almost like she was waiting for her.
“May,” Daisy says surprised as she wasn’t expecting her. “I have to… I...” Daisy starts to say, but then trailing off, honestly not sure what to say as after everything that happened, she was hoping not to see anyone before leaving.
“Have to leave to protect everyone, distance yourself from everyone so they don’t drown in your wake?” May asks, and Daisy gives her a surprise look.
“How’d you know?” Daisy asks as she awkwardly moves her bag from one shoulder to the other.
“Because I invented that move,” May admits pushing herself off the wall, and taking a step towards Daisy. “Daisy, that pain will stay with you, it will feel like your suffocating, but that you’re suffocating alone,” May assures Daisy.
“I can’t stay May, I just… I can’t stay,” Daisy admits.
“I though you might say that,” May admits as she turns around and picks up what Daisy now realises is her own duffle bag.
“What are you doing?” Daisy asks shocked as even if she was caught this wasn’t what she was expecting, she was expecting that if someone were to see her leave that they would just try and stop her, not have their own duffle bag ready.
“Just because you can’t be here doesn’t mean you have to be alone,” May tells Daisy.
“That’s exactly what I have to be,” Daisy tells May. “I deserve it,” Daisy tells May, who once again takes another step forward.
“No, you don’t,” May promises her as she wants to help Daisy through the pain that she understands. “You may not have grown up with a family, but you have one now,” May assures Daisy who is shocked by the words, especially because it is May who is saying them. “You’re in pain Daisy, I understand that, so if you really feel that you can’t be here then that’s okay, but I’m not going to let you be alone it that pain,” May promises Daisy. After Bahrain she pushed her family away, she didn’t let them get close and while Coulson, and others, tried to get close she wouldn’t let them, she won’t let Daisy do the same; she won’t let her feel what she felt.
“What about Coulson? The rest of the team? They need you,” Daisy tells May, trying to think of an argument that will stop May from going with her as while she may have improved she knows she cannot beat May in a fight.
“They have each other, they’ll be okay, you need me more,” May tells Daisy, causing tears to come to her eyes.
Feeling overwhelmed by May’s words, as she has never had anyone put her first not even Cal and Jiaying, Daisy walks the two steps that separate them and hugs May tightly, and as May hugs her back Daisy knows this is all she has ever wanted the hug of a loving mother.
“It’s okay, I’ve got you,” May promises Daisy as she rubs her hand up and down Daisy’s head and clings to the crying girl. “I’ve got you,” May promises, kissing the top of Daisy’s head. Since the day of Lincoln’s death Daisy hasn’t let herself feel, she has pushed it down, been numb, but as she feels the safety of May’s arms she lets go, let’s out everything she has been keeping in.
For a few minutes May and Daisy stand together, May holding Daisy and doing her best to comfort her, while Daisy falls apart.
“I can’t… stay….I…need…. to…. Go,” Daisy finally tells May through her tears.
“That’s okay,” May assures Daisy as they break apart. “But you’re not going alone,” May tells Daisy, as she reaches over and wipes away Daisy’s tears.
“I can’t….” Daisy starts to say.
“Nope, your choice is leaving well my choice is coming with you,” May tells Daisy, there being no room for questioning in her voice. “Got it?” May asks.
“Got it,” Daisy says with a nod, as she while she may not want to put May in danger, she realises that there is no way she can get her to let her go; at least not without hurting her and she has made herself a promise that she will never use her powers on her family again.
“Good,” May tells her. “Then we should go, we’ve got a bit of a drive,” May tells Daisy.
“Drive? I didn’t really have a location in mind,” Daisy admits, as she didn’t really think of things beyond just leaving SHIELD.
“It’s okay, I do,” May tells Daisy as she knows the perfect place to take Daisy. While it may not be a place they spend too long at May is sure that it is the place that Daisy needs right now.
“I don’t want to be around a lot of people,” Daisy tells May, as that’s her whole point, wanting to be away from people.
“You won’t be,” May tells Daisy, and she walks to the door and uses her lanyard to open it.
As May opens the door Daisy looks down the corridor, thinking about all the memories that these abandoned tunnels which are so much more to her, have given her.
“This is still your home, we can come back whenever you’re ready,” May assures Daisy.
“I don’t know if that is ever going to happen,” Daisy admits, as she walks over to May.
“It will. It may take a lot of time, but one day you’ll want to come home again,” May assures Daisy as she takes off her lanyard.
“I don’t see that happening,” Daisy says as she takes off her lanyard too, and after exchanging looks May and Daisy walk through the door and leave the Playground, neither knowing what the future will bring, but both know they will not have to face it alone.
While Daisy desperately wants to protect May, May wants Daisy to understand that she doesn’t have to carry everything alone anymore. She wants Daisy to understand that while everything has gone to hell she is not standing alone, she has someone who will stand by her without flinching; she has family.
“When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching–they are your family.”- Jim Butcher